Posting Tiny Snippets Of Fanfic Until Someone Finds It Interesting And I Am Motivated To Finish It, Part

posting tiny snippets of fanfic until someone finds it interesting and i am motivated to finish it, part 3

[KEL MULTIVERSE 1 - 332]

Kel scoured the Cool Forest. It was one of those recurring places he came to, looking for more flowers. He thought he’d been here hundreds of times before, but obviously there must be something he missed. 

Kel looked around. The eerie blue leaves of white-bark trees blocked out most light, so he had to rely on the glowing red lanterns that floated among them. The lanterns were naturally formed - originally, Kel thought they were fruit, but they tasted disgusting, and they didn't make good soup, so now they lit the way during his journeys in the forest. 

They worked relatively well as soap, too. The glow came from the lanterns being filled with a strange liquid that cleaned, but didn’t strip off his flesh like the river. 

Little creatures with dozens of yellow eyes fearfully scuttled into the purple bushes as Kel peeked into them. He worked systematically, like the repetitive nature of the forest, a tree surrounded by a circle of bushes, another tree surrounded by a circle of bushes, so on, so forth. It felt like it had been copy-pasted by some vengeful God.

Ah.

He kneeled down when he spotted the soft blue glow - but froze angrily when he got a clear look into the flower.

There’s that goddamn black glass again.

Unlike the clear crystal flower from last night, this one was tinted black, swaying in the wind like it was taunting Kel. 

Why were these fucking failed-flowers even created? They didn’t even work. People can’t die twice in the same universe. He couldn’t even enter them properly, they just erred out after the double-death and he was forcefully removed. It all felt so stupid.

Kel angrily kicked at the Lily of the Valley, and it smashed on the floor, black glass shattering over the lime green dirt floor. The glow instantly died. Good riddance.

He pulled out a worn leather notebook, and took a small note, pen cap in his mouth. ‘Lily of the Valley, #2,252. Failure.’

Kel furiously searched through more bushes. If he didn’t find anything good, he was going to be so fucking mad, but there was nothing to do with that anger, except yell at the sky deliriously. He liked to pretend he was taking revenge on someone, some God, but the sky never responded, unless streaming and fading pulsing light as time changed counts as a reply.

He felt like her in those moments, in the universes where she managed to live past the age of 12. Sometimes it made it all feel better, but sometimes it just made everything worse. 

Reminded him endlessly of the point of all this.

OCD in Hello Charlotte 3, or why Charles Eyler doesn't (necessarily) have Dissociative Identity Disorder

MAJOR SPOILERS FOR HELLO CHARLOTTE 3

CONTENT WARNING: Discussions of severe mental illness, including intrusive thoughts and psychosis. Please be warned if this may cause you to spiral out of control, and take care of yourself.

DISCLAIMER: A lot of this is coming from my personal experience and understanding of OCD. While I do not experience DID, I don't really focus much on it in this, more reframing Scarlett Eyler as a character. You can take Charles' experiences however you feel is accurate.

I feel like the fandom gets tripped up when Charles calls Scarlett Eyler a tulpa.

I've seen a lot of people state that this quote directly implies Charles has DID, and that's therefore canon. But I'd actually like to propose a different take, that Scarlett is a physical manifestation of Charles' intrusive thoughts.

First of all, a tulpa implies a sense of desire - it is willingly created through spiritual meditation. Scarlett is, in no way, a desired existence that haunts Charles. There is some debate as to whether or not the game was originally in Russian or English, but regardless, tulpa just may be what Charles refers to the phenomenon as. It's not as if this directly confirms anything, as we know in-game Charles is only diagnosed with autism, and takes medication for psychosis.

Charles experiences many symptoms of OCD, contamination OCD in particular. He is intensely preoccupied with purity and disease, insisting that the majority of the population has a "parasite", aside from a select few people (Vincent being one of them, and by the end, the only one).

OCD and psychosis have several unique overlaps when acting as comorbid conditions. It has a relatively high comorbidity, due to both conditions often suffering with heightened paranoia. I couldn't find any research which suggests it can cause the hallucination of intrusive thoughts, but OCD does make people more susceptible to hallucinatory disorders, and vice versa.

Many people with OCD, especially those who have experienced symptoms since being a child, start to conceptualise these thoughts as a being - appearing as imaginary friends which act and react negatively. It definitely happened to me - I genuinely thought I had DID for a year or so of my life, because I had this voice in my head that hated me, and it didn't feel like myself. As a child, it just felt like my own mind was trying to bully me, and I didn't understand why.

We know that Scarlett Eyler is the instigator of "punishment" for Charles' actions...

This sort of "punishing" is very reminiscent of OCD. The rule-breaking itself is confusing to an outsiders, and the punishments even more so. However, I find this rule-and-punishment system very relatable, and I'd argue that some people with OCD might have even more confusing rules and punishments - for example, I can't watch very specific youtube videos, I can't explain what the rules I have surrounding them are, and I have strange punishments for this (that which I will not disclose).

Scarlett also doesn't exhibit typical alter behaviour. She never takes over, Charles doesn't seem to lose time, she does little more than act as a harsh observer, and also physically threaten Charles. She seems very real to him, aside from the fact that he knows taking pills will make her "disappear".

For Charles, Scarlett is simply a being who threatens and instigates intrusive thoughts, but in a particular way. Charles still experiences other intrusive thoughts - Scarlett never discusses the parasites, even though that's a very prevalent fear of Charles'.

Scarlett is the manifestation of intrusive thought that Charles is a failure, rather than being a separate existence to Charles.

my little rat analysis lmaoooo. this was my first hello charlotte one, i've always loved charles, he's just peak gender in so many ways, incredibly relatable.

hope your little polycule goes well salutes

PafL

Parties are for Losers

From Ferry

You can find it on YouTube for free.

Each song describes some events, usually from the same narrator throughout one song.

It uses Vocaloids which can be interesting.

another ask yayy

I am a massive Vocaloid nerd. you've discovered my weakness.

see you with an analysis soon.

Omori and its parallels with OCD, or my personal connection to this game

SPOILER WARNING: AS USUAL, MAJOR OMORI SPOILERS FOR MOST ENDINGS AND THINGS.

CONTENT WARNING: MENTIONS OF SELF-HARM, SUICIDE, SEVERE MENTAL ILLNESS, DEATH, LOSS AND OMORI-TYPICAL CONTENT. I will also be referring to my own intrusive thoughts a lot, so please take caution if it might trigger you to spiral.

DISCLAIMER: I AM BY NO MEANS A MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL. I am in the process of seeking a diagnosis (we're getting there :) ), but it has been otherwise confirmed by professionals that I experience OCD. This post is about my personal experience with OCD and trauma, and the way I believe these feeling manifest in the game. I don't believe Sunny or Basil experience OCD, but I want to compare my experiences with obsession, compulsions and trauma-related OCD. Other people may have completely different experiences, and those are valid!

You could call this catharsis, some form of healing. Really I'm doing this for myself, which was kind of why I started writing Omori analysis in the first place (???). and im a nerd for this game

Guilt

Guilt has always been one of my biggest hurdles, and it's also a very relevant theme in Omori.

For the longest time, my brain and I have been actively trying to develop compulsions to cope with guilt, and it seems to consistently fail. I've tried singing songs on repeat, extreme self-harm, distraction, avoidance ect, and nothing seems to work. Sure, I've never committed recital day, but even small things can make me feel horrifically guilty, as my intrusive thoughts tell me I'm a horrible person or a liar.

I see this in Sunny, too. For the longest time, his mind has been trying to cope with the guilt, and it chose to delve deep into repression. But no matter how much he represses, the truth is still there, and so that guilt is still there.

The Fear Polaroids in the Omori Route are also a representation of guilt, as is the mirror during the Truth segment, both depicting Sunny has a hideous demon. My intrusive thoughts depict me as a demon, too, doing horrific things to myself and others. The images of mutilated, demonic Sunny capture the... inhumanity that my mind makes me feel.

I get it, Sunny. I don't feel human either.

Mewo's Death as an Intrusive Thought

Cat Dissection is an interesting area of Black Space, in that its immediate relevance to the truth is less obvious. It's also one of the more horrifying ones - on my first playthrough, I was running blind, and I figured you'd have to kill Mewo for the key. You do not. my biggest regret

Mewo is obviously linked to Mari, but at the time, we'd only ever seen this slightly mentioned in the real world photo album. At that point in Black Space, Mewo was closely tied to Sunny and Omori, being an essential part of White Space.

The player can stab themselves to get out, or cut open Mewo and suffer the regret. This room feels very reminiscent of a gruesome intrusive thought that just won't go away, those days where you see yourself murdering all your friends, or violently injuring yourself. Much of Sunny's hallucinations, or creatures like Something, also mimic this kind of thing.

That room has far deeper analysis to dive into, but this is as far as I'll go for this segment.

Compulsive Behaviour - Repetition

Basil is probably the first character that comes to mind when I think of compulsive behaviour. His most iconic line...

This sort of repetitive action is the root of a compulsion - an attempt to relieve anxiety. Whether or not Basil fits the criteria of needing repeat those words otherwise something bad might happen is unknown, but this sort of behaviour is very relatable in my experience.

I have a tendency to not be consciously aware, but others notice that I'll mumble things to myself. Typically this is me trying to talk back to my intrusive thoughts, as far as I know, and trying to confirm to myself that they're wrong. This will often end in asking someone else or doing research to confirm.

By repeating these things, Basil is trying to ward off the reality, which is that everything isn't okay at all, and likely won't be. But the specific framing is future-oriented - he isn't saying that things are okay right now, he's saying that they will be. This could link to my later point about uncertainty.

Avoidance

Not many people talk about avoidance behaviours as a compulsion, which is probably why much of my OCD went unnoticed as a child. You don't really consider mental compulsions, and avoidance can be very easily hidden, especially if you the ability to force yourself through something if you have no other options.

While it's not exactly the same, Sunny's repression of rooms in his house and the shaking head that prevents you from going to particular areas are forms of avoidance. The sliding glass door that leads to the backyard and the piano room are the most notable - it's not repressed, it's there, but Sunny shakes his head every time you interact with it. He can't go in there. He just can't. There's no explanation for the player.

I relate to that. I have strange rules that mean I can't do things. I just can't. There's no real explanation for myself, either, and sometimes I don't even get intrusive thoughts of the consequences, just some insistence that I can't do it. Perhaps this was confusing or frustrating for the player, but I found it incredibly realistic.

Uncertainty and Abandonment Issues

I've heard somewhere that OCD is, ultimately, a fear of uncertainty. As a result of this disorder, combined with trauma, I also have abandonment issues the way Basil does.

Even before the recital day, Basil's abandonment issues are prevalent. He clings to the group with the photo album, preserving his memories. He took photos of the things he didn't want to lose. After the recital day, Basil really did lose everything, and he was broken as a result of that.

I imagine this sort of thing was one of his regular worries, everyone abandoning him, Sunny in particular. And I can relate to that - one of my more common intrusive thoughts is others leaving me after they find out I've done something horrible. It makes you want to shut off from relationships, just to be safe - what if everyone leaves?

I think that 'what if' is what made Basil so attached to Sunny in the present day of the game. He wants to save Sunny, he wants to make things back to the way they were before, but at the same time, there's this uncertainty - Sunny is moving? Sunny is leaving? What will happen? What if everything gets worse?

This wasn't the easiest to write, but thank you for reading.

i posted like a tiny bit to ao3

considering that the majority of this fic isn't anywhere near done i can't promise regular updates but i hope this... interests people??

next update will be when i finish the mari au

posting tiny snippets of fanfic until people find it interesting but remember this is just a segment of a wider multiverse, part 6

content warning: description designed to remind reader of an in-game jumpscare

[MARI - 25]

“I’m going out,” Mari’s mother yelled from the living room. Mari made no effort to reply.

Her mother leaving meant the knocking would start up again, like someone was watching her house just to target Mari. 

It scared her. 

The Puppeteer whispered things that the person might do. 

It didn’t help.

Mari sighed, and leaned back on her bed. The knocking started up again.

“Open the door.”

It was Sunny’s voice. He looked at her forcefully. She turned away from him, staring at the wall. 

He is with Basil.

“Open the door,” he repeated.

Mari lay down. Maybe she could will the knocking away. 

He isn’t supposed to be here.

“Open the door.”

She covered her head with a pillow. She knew what was going to happen.

Sunny angrily threw his halo on the ground.

Suddenly, Sunny’s voice distorted, and he let out a piercing shriek. Mari froze, burying herself more, squeezing her eyes shut. Sunny kept shrieking, screaming, like he was a child throwing a tantrum, he wouldn’t shut up, he wouldn’t shut up, he wouldn’t shut up. Mari could see his snapped neck and twisted features, mouth gaping open to eat her, eyes empty, empty, empty, begging, wailing…

Sunny went dead silent.

Mari opened her eyes. She was in front of the door, and it was open.

I didn’t do that.

“Oh-oh-oh my gosh! M-Mari! It’s me! Aubrey? Do you remember me?” 

A short, brown-haired girl beamed. She was wearing a pink shirt and a long, beige skirt, clutching her fingers together. Her eyes were shining, like she’d seen a present or a shiny toy. She looked simple.

This isn’t Aubrey, Mari thought. Aubrey was shorter, and carried a stuffed toy. Aubrey…

Aubrey’s real features had escaped her mind. But this wasn’t Aubrey.

“I didn’t expect you to open the door!”

I didn’t open it.