After All This Time, Always The Same - Part 3

After all this time, always the same - Part 3

Hurt/comfort

There are instances, moments or days where it feels like time has stopped entirely. Its like a broken pendulum watch. All the time when the pendulum had to dangle, it didn’t, meaning the time never turned. 

His broken pendulum were the moments he spent on that tree, only exception was, his clock never worked but every time he’d be at that tree, 5 days later, a week later or 20 or 30 years later, his pendulum would work only then and it would stop once again. 

He’s afraid that he’s spent all his life loving parts of him on different days, just so he may never forget him but maybe in loving parts him on days, it had corrupted him because he knows he’ll never get to love him again and it was very clear with the wedding invitation he received. But now he wishes that he had stopped thinking of him, that he had not loved him on days when everything was falling apart, that he had not loved him every time he was alone because he knew, he didn’t love him anymore and no matter how much he might that he would, he knows he didn’t love him and that was the worst kind of pain.

____________________________________

“So you’re going to his wedding?” Pansy asked while she was helping him pack his things. 

Draco shook his, taping another cardboard box and labeling it ‘books’, “I don’t understand why I should.” 

“Because you’re invited. You do realise that this might be the most prestigious wedding in the entire Wizarding world?” She asked. 

“And I don’t care how prestigious or grand it may be, I’m not going and that’s final,” He replied “Besides I don’t have a plus one if you remember that.” 

“I’ll go with you. I don’t want to miss the grand wedding.” She excitedly replied. 

“I’m not going Pansy.” He declared once again and Pansy defeatedly sighed. 

Hours later he was done packing with only a few things left to go. Pansy had left hours ago and he was by himself with a glass of wine and soft music playing in the background, sorting out the memories in vial carefully so they won’t get mixed up when he came across the most familiar one. 

Harry Potter. 

All memories stored in one single vial, all of them. 

It always confused Draco, how so many memories could be packed in one little vial that was so fragile. Thousand of memories, maybe more in just one single vial but then magic worked in different, beautiful and weird ways. All his loving stored in one jar of glass which could break anytime. 

He wanted to see those memories again but seeing those memories again would give him a reason to stay back in London and right now he wanted nothing to hold him back. He wanted to start over his life in some place new, get a nice job, fall in love all over again and maybe forget about Harry for the last time and forget about the pain he caused Astoria too. Moving away was the only remedy he knew of. Starting over was his only scope and his fearful heart was accepting it. 

When October 15, 2006 came, Draco was ready to leave London, forever maybe. He had planned to maybe never come back and he had made peace with it. He was taking one last look around his empty apartment, saying goodbye to the place which had offered him protection, shelter and what not for several years but his time had now come to say goodbye and not just to the apartment itself but all of London, people, friends, ex lovers, everything. He had nothing to hold him back anymore. 

But as if fate had been written, destiny had been designed, magic had worked in that moment, his cat jumped upon the refrigerator and tossed of the wedding invitation he left to never look at again but right now, he inevitably picked it up and read it again. He knew he didn’t want to go earlier, he still doesn’t want to but when he read Harry’s name on the wedding card, he wondered if Harry had really kept the promise or not, he wanted to know if after all this time, did he still think of him, felt something for him, anything at all. He needed that closure because he didn’t want to remain in one moment forever, he couldn’t do that to himself, not anymore. 

“sir? Shall we take the furniture?” He heard. 

Draco turned around and for a moment he forgot where he was. He looked down at the wedding invite in his hand, then looked back up at the man again and nodded. 

“You take the things away, I’ll be behind you. I just need to make a stop somewhere.” 

___________________________________

He was at the last turn away from the destination of wedding but when he stopped at the red light, his whole world spun and something kept telling him that he shouldn’t go, that maybe he should stop. Maybe it was his 15 year old self telling him that going to his wedding would only bring him misery and pain, or maybe it was his self from months ago who had seen Harry in the gallery who had recently established that he still loved Harry, even if a little bit but when the lights turned from red to green, that he didn’t move forward. His heart was beating loudly in his chest and his mind was doing tricks on him, confusing him, telling him things he didn't want to know. He sat there thinking of turning around altogether and forget Harry from his memories but someone had honked behind him, bringing him back to his senses that he needed to start moving and he did, he hated doing so but he drove forward and he only stopped when he had reached the venue. 

He had finally gotten out of the car and was walking towards the chapel when he saw people getting out of there and he feared that he was too late. He thought that maybe Harry was married after all and there was no longer a wedding to attend. 

But then he heard,

“They would’ve never worked anyway.” 

And that confused Draco which forced him to walk inside the chapel to find no one but Ginny herself sitting there in silence. 

“Ginny?” Draco called out as he walked closer to her. 

She turned her head around and smiled at him warmly. She pointed him to come closer and he did and sat down next to her. 

“Weren’t you supposed to be getting married right now?” 

Ginny nodded, her eyes shone with tears. 

"Not anymore." She replied.

Draco couldn't figure what to say anymore or if he should say anything at all even but then Ginny herself started speaking,

“You know, all my life I’ve waited for this day. The day I would get married, and the one would spend the rest of my life with, that my wedding day would make me the happiest person alive, that maybe I'd have everything I had ever dreamt of but I had never, never once in my life thought that this is how my wedding day would be.” Her voice cracked as a tear slipped down her face and in the moment Draco wanted to wipe it away but he knew he shouldn't because some tears are worth falling.

"This was supposed to be the happiest day of your life?” 

“It was supposed to be.” She replied with a small smile.  

“Then what happened?” 

"Love. That's what happened." She replied.

"But you loved each other, didn't you?" He asked.

"We did. We did so much but sometimes when you love someone, you have to let them go." She replied.

And he needed no more than that.

____________________________________

"When did you know?" Draco asked as he twirled his finger around Harry's hair while they were cuddled into one another.

"Know what?" Harry asked pushing his quill away so he could pay his attention to Draco.

"When did you know that you liked me?" Draco asked with the warmest of smiles.

Harry shrugs off with a smile, "Could've been anytime. I never noted down the moment I fell for you, I just knew I fell for my supposed arch nemesis."

"Do you think there would be a time where we wouldn't have to do this secretly?" Draco asked in all seriousness.

Harry could not have been sure, even then, but he liked to hope, so he nodded, "I think that maybe 20 or 30 years later, we won't have to hide. I just wish it'd happen sooner."

"And what if something goes wrong before out future arrives?"

Harry was worried, if only for an instant, he was but he trusted the man he loved so much that when he kissed his forehead, he took all the pain, the sufferings, the stress, the unprecedented end away,

"I'll love you the same."

"Always?"

"Always."

Promises are easier said than done. Most promises are often one sided and that might the harshest truth someone might ever come across but sometimes when you love someone, you don't look at those flaws.

And he too had fatality once loved someone and now he had one last chance. One last chance to know whether his love would win or die in ruins.

All his life he had made broken promises in the name of love, promised someone a future, promised someone a date, promised someone a holiday, promised someone to love but had never been able to fulfill it and he had never quite understood what was the reason but today when he saw that beautiful bride in tears who let her to be husband go in the name of love, he realised that it was all in the name of love. He was stuck in a labyrinth of loving Harry that he never let anyone in, nor let anyone out. He was his own problem and either tonight he needed a closure so he could finally sleep at last or a love story his 15 year old self wished for, the one where they have a future together, the one he often dreamt of.

And so he drove to the place he hoped where Harry would be.

And there he was, sitting on the branch of the Maple tree.

"I'm going to assume that you went to the wedding?"

Draco agreed as he climbed up that Maple tree and approached the bench while Harry made space for him.

"I even met your bride." He told him once he reached the bench.

"My supposed bride that is." Harry corrected.

Draco wanted to bring in a humour, a sarcastic Limerick even but he noticed how Harry was holding a picture in his hand. It was Ginny and him.

"I thought you loved each other?" Draco asked.

Harry smiled, staring forward at the view.

"We did."

"I don't understand what happened then? If you loved one another then why is she there and you're here. You should've been getting married." Draco said.

Harry finally turned a little to Draco and showed him his wallet with their picture.

"I once loved a boy. Around 15 to 16-ish. He was my whole world, whole damn world, the kind of love when you're head over heels for someone. If one day he had asked to murder for him, I'd had done it. I'd had killed a thousand for him. But we broke apart because he did the one thing I could've never imagined him to do but no matter how much I tried, I couldn't stop loving him, not even for his flaws, his mistakes or his betrayal. I could never stop loving him. That's what happened. Love happened. He happened. I couldn't do it and she knew."

Draco couldn't bring himself to say anything. All his life, he had thought that Harry had moved on but upon seeing him dressed in his black suit, runaway from his own wedding, he didn't know what to think.

"I'm a liar Draco," Harry said looking at the picture, "I told myself everyday that I didn't love you, that I didn't think of you everyday of my life, I even promised you I wouldn't think of us but I did everyday. I carried this picture with me everyday of my life just as a reminder,"

"You know how they say, your first love hurts you the most, it's true. You hurt me the most"

Draco kept staring at Harry, thinking that maybe now he'd say something again, that maybe now he'd add something but he didn't.

And then he took out his own wallet and showed Harry the picture he's been carrying around for almost 10 years himself.

"I keep this because it reminds me of a time I knew how to love. I've been with people after you, several even but every night when I go to sleep I wonder only one thing, Do you ever think of me and then I would fight with my own self because why would you ever want to think of me, the one who hurt you the most but there was this one little part of me, this one tiny little part of myself who wished that you thought of me at the same while I was thinking of you,"

He gave it a pause to breathe, to push down the knot that formed in his throat, to breathe a little and then he continued,

"But little part of myself loses everyday. I wanted to know why I could not stop loving you, I still want to know. I've hurt people in the name of love but I don't know how to find that answer as why you were the only one I could love."

Harry smiled lightly looking at Draco's wallet, "Why do we have to stop loving when all we have ever known is nothing but love?"

Draco smiled immediately. Harry had quoted him from years ago.

"You should not have left her." Draco said.

"I didn't. She let me go." Harry shrugged.

"Do you think I was the reason ?" Draco asked.

Harry nodded, "A little. I think after you, I only loved parts of someone and she didn't deserve someone who would love only her heart but not her soul and she knew that. I regret that I couldn't give her everything she had ever dreamt off but she's better off without me."

"Do you really think that's true?"

Harry nodded, "I also think I should not have lied to you the last day we met,"

"Then why did you lie?"

"Lying makes everything easier."

Draco nodded, "Then I stopped loving you the last time we were here"

"I stopped loving you too."

But they sat there for hours, this time there was no one to capture their moment together, this time there were no secrets, this time there was vulnerability, there was fragility, there was something worth sitting there.

Indeed magic works in the most weirdly beautiful ways possible but sometimes magic isn't the charms that spark out of a wand of a wizard, sometimes magic gets bind in the words between lovers, like a promise. Magic isn't always a charm, sometimes Magic is love itself.

And maybe after all this time, it's still the same.

This was supposed to be so much more better than this but I can't humanly function because I got sick. But I'm hoping this isn't half as bad as i think it to be.

Ps. Thank you @drarrywords for beta 💜( don't know what I'd do without you)

After all this time, always the same

Prompt used- kissing the top of other’s head| harry and draco finally meet each other years later at a memorial gallery, discovering some buried promises |

“ I actually did not know Colin was this good ” Harry said impressed as they walked the gallery

“ really, who knew that kid was really good ” Ron hummed.

“ i miss that kid ” Harry said as he drown in reminiscents of everyone who died in the war

“ I am sure it would mean a great deal that you’re here Harry. He always looked upto to you, he lived a nice life ” Denis smiled at harry before he departed to he other batch of visitors. It was almost 10 years after war when one day a bunch of Hogwarts student’s had received an invitation to the colin memorial gallery. Dennis, his brother had managed to construct certain photographs Colin had taken before he died and decided to put it into his memorial. Apparently Colin always wanted something like that, but his gallery Would’ve been incomplete if the people he had photographed had not shown up, so this was the reason why a bunch of Hogwarts student’s had been given a free pass as a contribution to his memory. Harry was however saddened by the absence of colin. After all this time he still misses all those who died a lot. He learnt it the hard way that he will probably never forget any of them but he can manage to live with it.

It was however surprising how amazingly brilliant Colin’s skills were. Nobody knew he had even taken their pictures secretly and it were all too great.

“ hey, theres us ” Ron said a little too loudly, much to anyone’s liking. Harry gave them all a small apologetic smile before he joined Ron to see the photograph hanging over the wall of him, Ron and Hermione.

“ seems like a different era, doesn’t it ?” Ron nostalgically said.

Hermione nodded besides him as she put her head over Ron’s shoulder. 10 years and they’re still in love like they were when they were kids. Harry had always been fond of their relationship, not because it’s his friends but because of everything it was built upon, the love they have is just for each other, and there probably had never existed other who had walked upon earth who they’d love them more than they loved each other.

“ there’s you ” Ron suddenly pointed a small picture on the bottom

“ oh yeah- that’s me ” harry carefully looked at his solo photograph. He wasn’t particularly attentive, looking in some other direction as if he was watching out for something.

“ that’s forbidden forest ” Hermione peeped carefully at the picture

“ It might be the courtyard ” Harry interjected as he took a few steps away to look at a few more pictures to avoid their questions.

“ but harry I’m sure it’s forbidden forest, it’s the same place where sir- where you fought those dementors, I’m sure ” Hermione egged on

“ I’m not saying it might not be, might be. I wandered off a lot during 5th year but I’m pretty sure it must’ve been just the courtyard, Colin wouldn’t probably enter the forest ” Harry made a point with raised eyebrows. Hermione didn’t seem to believe yet nodded forcefully, dropping the matter.

“ there’s a tons of pictures of you guys here ” Someone said from behind Harry and before he had time to register to who it was, his fingers were already intertwined with someone and by the touch, he just knew it was Ginny.

“ well he was quite a fan of me ” harry smirked at his fiance.

“ but still. It’s like you were his personal models. Gotta agree though, he was great ” Ginny said as she looked at the wall in front of them.

“ he was ” Harry hummed and walked alongside the rest of the gallery with them.

It wasn’t until Ginny got bored of looking at plain walls just with pictures, she left to chat with other people. Hermione and Ron had collected themselves to the other part of the gallery, conversing with a few people. That meant Harry was left alone and he found it quite relieving even if he loved all of them.

He had reached the last of the gallery when his eyes fell upon the same blonde head he had abstained himself from seeing in years. Hundreds of flashbacks flashed back as he tried not to stare at him. It had been years yet even now if Harry passed by him, he’d know he still smells the same. As if he too had sensed Harry’s presence, he looked away from the picture to his direction. They only locked eyes for a moment, a moment of weakness before Harry nodded and walked away. He sighed as he walked away, it has been so long, so long yet this feeling doesn’t change. He thought staying away would change but it hadn’t helped, not a lot to be precise.

Harry walked away deeper in the gallery until he reached the last of halls and stopped there, right there at the last picture. It was the last picture Colin had clicked after which only his broken camera’s were set. Harry would be lying if he said he wasn’t stunned to see the last picture. It was so weirdly ironic how the last photograph from Colin’s collection was the picture marked with the symbolic representation of end of certain other things. Harry longingly stared at the picture, the moment running on his mind like a music reel

“ this seems nice doesn’t it ?” He asked

“ it’s more than nice Draco ” Harry had replied

“ Harry- i-” but he closed his mouth

“ what ?” Harry asked him to continue when he was rendered speechless

“ nothing ” Draco sighed as he leaned back on the tree

“ go on, tell me ” Harry said as he climbed forward towards him

Draco stared at him long enough as though he was memorising harry deep within his heart.

“ you’re going to love me the same, right ?” He finally asked.

Harry stared at him, more confused than ever before he cupped Draco’s face and said “ of course Draco, always the same way ”

“ even if I do the most wrong in the world ?” Draco asked a strange shadow of sadness covering his eyes, obstructing Harry from reading his eyes.

“ you- I- I-”

“ it’s hard to say ?” Draco asked almost hurt

“ Draco, I believe you. I love you, I’ll always love you the same way but the definition of most wrong depends on a lot of things but I believe in you, I know you wouldn’t do anything that would be the most wrong thing to me in the world” Harry gave him a comforting smile . When Draco didn’t say anything he climbed into Draco’s lap and rested his head against his Chest, hearing the rapid heartbeats.

“ you’re afraid of something Draco ” Harry said as he analysed his heart rate

“ I’m afraid of the ruins ” Draco truthfully answered because he was aware of everything he was supposed to be doing.

“ ruins ?” Harry asked confused, craning his neck up to look at him, only to find Draco looking far away. He seemed lost.

“ we can never be wholly together Harry, I’m always afraid, every moment of my life when I’m with you..I’m afraid you’ll wake up from this dream and realise it’s all ruins ” Draco answered, his lips trembling a bit. Harry snuggled in closer to his chest, he knew he was right..

“ you’re not a ruined man Draco and this isn’t ruins to me ” Harry Answered

“ am I not ?” Draco asked looking hurt

“ y- you’re not a ruined man but even if you are, you are my ruined man and I promise to love you the same way, everyday even if this doesn’t work out, you get me ?” Harry asked empathetically.

“ you must be a fool to fall in love with me ” Draco finally said after a few minutes smiling down at harry.

Sensing the light tone Harry smiled up at him “ then I am your fool ”

“ I’d rather never wake up from this dream ” Draco smiled at harry lovingly then kissed on the top of his head and just then they heard a shuttering sound, startling them awake from their moment.

If only harry had known what was to happen, he’d had never gotten up and ran for the sound but he had and it had ruined millions of memories that could’ve been made.

“ it’s a beautiful picture” a familiar voice said behind Harry. He didn’t need to turn around to know who it belonged to, he had grown up Being fond of it.

“ while It lasted ” Harry replied turning his head to find Draco was now standing next to him

“ broken promises, some thing huh”

“ I know I kept mine ” Harry whispered avoiding looking Draco in the eye

“ did you ?” Draco retaliated

“ I always did ” Harry replied more seriously now than before.

“ oh hey, it’s the same picture from your albums Harry- didn’t see you there malfoy, g-good to see you ” Ron suddenly appeared from behind them

“ you never really talk about him. One boyfriend huh ” Ron added Patting Harry on his back.

“ it’s because of the ruins ” Harry replied smiling at Ron.

Draco turned his head towards Harry that it almost snapped. Harry had already been looking at him when he did, and for a moment just for a moment, everything had vanished from the room except them. The people here didn’t matter, it was just them, finally away in their isolation Just with each other without their ruins. It was a moment of weakness where they smiled at each other knowingly that after all this time, always the same.

“ Harry, it’s your boyfriend from sixth year, the one in the album-”

“ Draco, it’s the picture from the album, your boyfriend-”

Astoria and Ginny’s simultaneously said.

Requests open

Day 25- perfect birthday plans | Day 27- Harry’s dance partner

@silver-de-vonne you make me the happiest 🥺

Phases

For the old @drarrymicrofic prompt: Lunar. It turned out to be like 1.6k lol. I got my info about space from this website. Big thanks to my darling @written-in-ash for the beta!

-

🌑New moon: The moon is between Earth and the sun, and the side of the moon facing toward us receives no direct sunlight; it is lit only by dim sunlight reflected from Earth.

He brings the bottle to his lips, grinning into the sip at something Weasley says. Leaning against the bar, he swallows and says something in return that makes Weasley laugh heartily and Granger roll her eyes.

Next to me, Pansy nudges my arm gently. "Go over and talk to him."

I shake my head. "Not now."

-

🌒Waxing crescent: As the moon moves around Earth, the side we can see gradually becomes more illuminated by direct sunlight.

-

"Malfoy," he says with a slight nod as he passes me in the corridor.

I choke on nothing, spinning around and watching his retreating back.

"Hi Potter," I whisper to the now empty hallway.

I kick myself the entire way back to my office.

-

🌓First quarter: The moon is 90 degrees away from the sun in the sky and is half-illuminated from our point of view.

-

"You're right."

I blink. "What?"

He shrugs. "You're right. We hadn't thought of that. I'll have someone from my team look into whether the suspect has a history with rare curses. Is tomorrow soon enough for us to get that to you?"

I clear my throat. "Er, yes, that would be acceptable."

He nods once. "Thanks, Malfoy."

"Sure," I say, resisting the urge to run out of his office. I'm sure I'm imagining the heat of his eyes on me as I walk away.

-

🌔Waxing gibbous: The area of illumination continues to increase. More than half of the moon's face appears to be getting sunlight.

-

"Malfoy, wait up!"

I hold back a sigh and turn to face Potter, ignoring the butterflies in my stomach. "What is it, Potter?"

He catches up to where I'm stopped in the hallway. He grins brightly. "Want to get dinner? With me, I mean. Together."

I furrow my eyebrows. "Is this a work thing?"

He blushes. "Er, no. It's just...y'know, I'm hungry, and I assume you're hungry since you just had that apple for lunch and—"

"How do you know what I had for lunch?"

"I, um, I just noticed. Y'know us Aurors, always hyper-aware," he chuckles nervously. "So. Dinner?"

"Y-yes. Okay. Yes."

"Great, it's a date." He smiles, already walking away. "Meet at The Rose Garden at 7?"

I can only nod in response, but his wide grin is enough to tell me he saw it—and to keep me rooted to the spot for several minutes.

_

🌕Full moon: The moon is 180 degrees away from the sun and is as close as it can be to being fully illuminated by the sun from our perspective.

-

"Merry Christmas, Draco. We're glad you're here." Mrs. Weasley—Molly, I remind myself—hands me a soft lump wrapped in thin wrapping paper.

I tear it open, the paper coming apart easily in my hands after I undo the stubbornly knotted ribbon holding it all together. I can't help the way my lips part slightly in surprise at the soft green jumper, a 'D' stitched in silver on the front.

I look up at Molly, my throat thick with emotion when I whisper, "Thank you, Molly."

"You're welcome, dear," she smiles, reaching up to cup my cheek gently before moving to the other side of the room, muttering something about the mess of wrapping paper strewn about the rug.

I look around the room at the others, watching them exchange gifts, thank-yous, hugs, and laughter. My eyes meet Harry's and I hold his gaze as I pull on the sweater, only breaking eye contact when it goes over my head.

His eyes lock onto mine again, and I never want to let go.

-

🌖Waning gibbous: More than half of the moon's face appears to be getting sunlight, but the amount is decreasing.

-

"What do you mean you're not coming, Harry? This has been planned for months!" I'm done trying to keep my tone perfectly even, indignation and disbelief tightening my chest.

Harry at least looks contrite. "I'm sorry, okay? I thought it was the weekend after."

"The invitation has been hanging on the refrigerator for months!" I huff.

Harry sighs. "I had every intention of attending Pansy's charity ball, but this is the biggest match of the season and no one expected the Cannons to make it this far. Ron would be devastated if I didn't go with him."

I grit my teeth. "And Weasley's feelings are more important than mine?"

"That's not what I said and you know it," Harry narrows his eyes. "And honestly, it won't kill us to be apart for a weekend. It's okay for us to do things separately."

I ignore the weird way that stings. "Except that Pansy has been relying on you to make an appearance to bring in more donations." I roll my eyes. "But whatever, Potter. Go to the stupid game. I suppose it's alright for you to miss this. But next time, you'll come with me, alright?"

Harry nods. "Yeah, I will. Thanks, Draco." His smile is soft and hopeful, and most of my anger melts away.

-

🌗Last quarter: The moon has moved another quarter of the way around Earth, to the third quarter position. The sun's light is now shining on the other half of the visible face of the moon.

-

I say it without really thinking after we babysit Teddy together for an afternoon. "Other people's children are great because you can give them back at the end of the day," I chuckle, leaning back against the couch.

"You think so?" Harry smiles wistfully. "I can't wait to have kids one day."

"You want children?" I ask as nonchalantly as I can. Not now, not now notnownotnownotnow.

Harry scoffs lightly, but not unkindly. "Of course I do. Who doesn't want kids?"

"Plenty of people, I'd think."

"They're crazy," Harry shakes his head. "I'm so excited to be a father."

"Well, not all of us want to be parents, Potter," I snap. His eyes widen and jump to mine.

"You don't want kids?"

"No, I don't," I say shortly.

"Why haven't we talked about this before?" He furrows his eyebrows.

I shrug. "I don't know. It's never come up."

"But—are kids a dealbreaker for you? I mean, would you come around to it if I—if your partner wanted them?"

I release a shaky breath, looking away. "I don't know. Would you be happy being with someone who doesn't want children?"

I see him clench his jaw out of the corner of my eye. He's quiet for a little while, and I nearly startle when he breaks the silence.

"I don't know."

-

🌘Waning crescent: Less than half of the moon's face appears to be getting sunlight, and the amount is decreasing.

-

His knuckles are white around the handle of the suitcase. "This is just something I have to do."

My body responds as if some emergency lever is pulled inside of me. My arms fall to my sides, my back straightens, my face is blank, my voice is emotionless. "Leave your key on the side table. I'll owl your things tomorrow."

His eyes well with tears, and something inside my mind is screaming at me to do something, to fix this, to pull the suitcase from his hand and his body into my arms.

He nods and turns around. I close my eyes so I don't have to see him leave.

_

🌑New moon: Finally, the moon is back to its new moon starting position. Now, the moon is between Earth and the sun.

_

I don’t watch him as he approaches me, waiting until he’s standing at my table before acknowledging him.

“Hi, Draco.” Time has been kind to him; the pictures in the Prophet don’t do him justice. But I don’t tell him that.

Instead, I say, “Potter.”

He nods at the empty chair across from me. “May I sit?”

I raise an eyebrow. “Shouldn’t you be getting home? I’m sure your kids would want to spend time with their father now that they’re home for summer hols.” I try not to sound bitter, but the wry twist of his mouth tells me I wasn’t entirely successful.

“They’re with Ginny. And they’re not kids anymore. Lily just graduated Hogwarts, and the other two are at university.” His smile is just a little bit far away, tinged with pride.

“Congratulations, Potter. You and your wife must be very proud parents.”

He gets a funny look on his face that makes me want to both punch him and wipe it off with my lips on his. “That’s all we are. Co-parents, I mean. We’ve been divorced for two years. I thought you knew?”

“I’m not one of your adoring fans, Potter. I don’t read about your life in the papers,” I roll my eyes. “I thought that’s what you liked about me,” I can’t help but say it, and I don’t care how petty it looks.

His eyes twinkle. “It’s just one of the things I like about you.”

“Do go on, Potter,” I drawl to belie the thrill that rushes through me.

He chuckles. “I will. Maybe over dinner? I’m hungry, are you?”

I squash the hope that rises before I let myself sink into it. “What are you doing, Potter?”

His face falls a little, but he looks into my eyes with a determination that still makes my heart race. He sits in the empty chair at my table, taking my hand from across the wooden surface between us.

“Starting over.”

"(...) history will remember us."

– Red, White & Royal Blue

an ache i still remember

Here, have some angst! inspired by the gotye song "somebody that i used to know" CW: post-breakup, unhappy ending

One moment I'm minding my own business, just going about my day, through the motions. It's easy enough, especially this time before the late afternoon when my mood drops and everything turns gray and I forget that not everything is shit.

But the next moment, after the reprieve of fineness, I see your name in the paper, your smile—or worse, hear your voice, your laugh, close enough to make me step involuntarily toward you but far enough away to remember why I can't. I won't.

Why was it easier to be friends just after we ended it? Why didn't it hurt, back then, to Owl you about mundanities or make small talk? We'd just broken up. That should've been the hardest part. Why has time made it worse?

I find myself resenting you more and more every time I see you, hear you. And for a while, I didn't know why. You aren't doing anything wrong, nothing rude, nothing mean or callous.

But that's just it: you aren't doing anything.

You do nothing. You ignore me. You let go of me like a balloon in a supermarket, let me drift away to float and collect dust in the rafters of the ceiling until someone takes pity on me and manages to pop me, somehow, or I fall slowly, inevitably, to the ground in crumbled, deflated plastic.

I can't even draw on the hatred I had for you in the past. I can't summon the old animosity you burned from my heart with every touch, every whispered word. I want to hate you. Gods, I want to. I almost wish you'd do something to actually hurt me so I'd have a reason, but no. You remain perfectly neutral, silent.

Is that reason enough for me to hate you? To turn this ache into anger? You don't seem to notice me enough for me to have confirmation that you're purposefully brushing me off, but I can't help but feel snubbed when you have every opportunity to talk to me and you don't. When I find out breadcrumbs of your life from people who I know could never know you like I do. When you acknowledge everyone in a room but me after you used to make me feel like I was the only one who mattered.

You made me feel more than anyone else in my life ever has. And I don't know what to do now that I can't love you or hate you. I can't forget about you either, at least not for long. You're in the songs I hear on the wireless, you're in the books I read, you're in the conversations I have with your and my—no longer our—friends.

But if anything you told me was true, if any of it was rooted in what you felt, there's no way you're much better off than me. You can ignore me all you want, Draco, if it makes you feel better to not acknowledge what you lost. I will always be the one you let slip through your fingers.

But that's none of my business.

Draco: You know what your problem is? You’re really cute so no one ever tells you to shut the fuck up

Harry:

Draco:

Harry:

Draco:

Harry: You think I’m cute?

Draco: Shut the fuck up