I Have No Idea How Anyone Does That. I Like To Play At Being Tough, Cynical, And Soulless, But The Truth

I have no idea how anyone does that. I like to play at being tough, cynical, and soulless, but the truth is, I cry all the damned time. I didn't for years and now you can't fucking stop me. Commercials make me cry. Thinking about fudge cake and how delicious it is makes me cry. Putting on a shirt and having it fit me perfectly makes me cry. If you cry in front of me, I will start crying too. I weep at the sad things. I weep at the happy things. Billy Joel's song, "For the Longest Time" makes me bawl every single time I hear it. I'm just a crybaby and I don't care. I have big feelings and I'm glad to feel things, because thanks to trauma, I spent way too many years disconnected and feeling nothing at all.

Me, all the time^

how do people endure this world without constantly feeling like they have to burst into tears

Deep Thoughts

I put on my knock-off Converse with sparkly laces this morning and paused for a moment to realize, that those shoes had been in the same building as Taylor Swift.

THE SAME BUILDING.

I'll never recover.

A tiny gift for @luckyqueenreign.

May your thoughts be impure and your route messy AF.

They're the real double trouble, I can already tell.

"Between petals I miss you".

This brings me so much joy, you have no idea 😆

the office scenes as litg season 2

TSIME: The Casa Girls

While I was preparing to write Casa Amor from the boys' point of view for The Sun in My Eyes, I realized I'd have to create the girls, because we only really know Shannon. Even Blake is a bit of a mystery as we learn almost nothing about her, other than she's seems thin-skinned. So I spent some time sorting out the main personality trait of each original islander, and then made each CA girl a combo of 2 of them.

Marisol + Priya

Amber is a huge snob and decided as soon as she met Emily that she was stupid and low class, and needed to be put in her place. Amber is a bitch. It was really fun to write two women who were both WAY too good for Jakub, get so caught up in competing with each other that they forgot that what they were fighting over wasn't actually a prize.

Just Hope

Originally Siobhan was Hope + Lottie. A self-important troublemaker, but she just didn't flow that way when I started writing her. I didn't want to write yet another brittle black woman (Fusebox has that on lock). It was more fun to make her have all of Hope's best traits (playful, direct, ambitious) yet none of her worst. Siobhan is who Hope could be if she weren't so insecure. A self-actualized Zen badass. Basically she's S3 Yasmin before S3 came out.

Hope + Marisol

What's there to say about Shannon? I love this manipulative, savvy bitch. And she deserved better than Rahim's triflin' ass dithering between multiple girls.

Lili + Lottie

Yuna was an accidental villain. It was supposed to be Siobhan telling everyone about what Emily did, but once I started writing, it just felt right for this spoiled, chronic talker to thoughtlessly spill Emily's business to anyone who'd listen. And for her to lie to Bobby in order to manipulate him into choosing her. Love Yuna or hate her, you gotta respect the audacity.

Lili + Priya

You know, I really wanted to redeem Blake. I always thought she took a lot of heat for simply being a little thin-skinned, and I wanted to give context for her behavior when she came to the villa. But I underestimated just how much she was hated and no amount of context was gonna make anyone empathize with her 😆 Oh well. I tried.

Chelsea + Lottie

Oh, Emily. Girl. I love her tragic, bad decision making ass. And her wise, resigned kitchen conversation with Bobby is my favorite thing I wrote for Casa. I head canon, but never explicitly wrote into the story, that she DMed Lili the moment she left the show to apologize. Because that's just how she is. Emily is a fuck up, but she's an honest one.

Just an aside, but I gave her my mom's most endearing skill, the ability to cross one eye and keep the other straight. Something that never fails to make me laugh 🤣

Stay tuned, my post about Bobby's OC family is coming... eventually.

Thanks @longbobmckenzie for pointing out that my original post is missing for some reason.