Kill Him With Cuteness, Kyouka. Or Stab Him, That Works Too.

Kill him with cuteness, Kyouka. Or stab him, that works too.

Kyouka: Can I have a cookie? Kenji: Sure, here you go. Kyouka: Thank you. Kenji: You’re welcome. Kyouka: Can I have another cookie? Kenji: Sure, here you go. Kyouka: Thank you. Kenji: You’re welcome. Kyouka: Can I have all the cookies? Kenji: …No, that’s not fair to the others. Kyouka: *pulls out knife*  Kenji: …Okay, take them all.

Barbie Elise

Elise: Mori, can we go see the new Barbie movie? Mori: No, Elise. That movie is not for you. Elise: Why not? Mori: Because it’s a satire that mocks the male patriarchy and the society that created Barbie. It’s not a fun and innocent story about a doll. Elise: But I like Barbie. She’s pretty and smart and has lots of friends. Mori: Elise, you don’t need Barbie to be happy. You have me. Elise: But you’re not pretty or smart or have lots of friends. Mori: …Ouch. Elise: So can I see the movie? Mori: Fine.

Kenji, peeling a banana: “May I take your jacket, sir? Hahahaha.” Kyouka: “Do you think other people can’t hear you?”

The cat (again)

Akutagawa: Atsushi, I need your help. Atsushi: What? Why? How did you get my number? Akutagawa: Never mind that. Listen, I’m in a bit of a situation here. Atsushi: What kind of situation? Akutagawa: Well, you see, I accidentally adopted a cat. Atsushi: You what? Akutagawa: Don’t judge me. It was cute and fluffy and it followed me home. But now I don’t know what to do with it. It keeps scratching me and making weird noises. Atsushi: And you want me to help you with that? Akutagawa: Yes, please. You’re good with animals, right? You have that white tiger thing. Atsushi: That’s not a pet, that’s my ability. Akutagawa: Whatever. Just come over and help me. Please. Atsushi: Fine, fine. I’ll be there in a few minutes. But don’t expect me to be nice to you. Akutagawa: Thank you, Atsushi. You’re a lifesaver. Atsushi: Don’t mention it. Literally, don’t ever mention this to anyone.

Baddie.

Atsushi: What are you doing? Akutagawa: I’m practicing my evil laugh. Atsushi: Why? Akutagawa: Because I’m a villain, duh. Atsushi: You know, you don’t have to be a villain. You can join the Agency and be a good person. Akutagawa: No, thanks. I like being evil. It suits me better. Atsushi: But you’re not evil. You’re just misunderstood. Akutagawa: No, I’m pretty sure I’m evil. Watch this. *laughs maniacally* Atsushi: *shudders*

Kyouka: What are you reading? Atsushi: It’s a book about how to be a good detective. Kyouka: Can I see it? Atsushi: Sure, here you go. Kyouka: *reads the title* How to Be a Good Detective by Ranpo Edogawa Atsushi: Yeah, he wrote it himself. He said it’s a bestseller. Kyouka: *flips through the pages* There’s nothing here. It’s just blank. Atsushi: What? Let me see. *takes the book back* Atsushi: Oh, he must have given me the wrong one. This is his notebook. Kyouka: Or maybe he’s just messing with you.