Theory (yes Again)

Theory (yes again)

I'm crazy, so I shall force this upon thee.

Dracula - Bram Stoker

Count Dracula - Fukuchi/ Fyodor

Jonathan Harker - Dazai

Mina Harker - Chuuya - sweet innocent maiden who gets harmed by Fukuchi and is manipulated and gets bad dreams

Quincey - Atsushi - dies fighting Fukuchi/ Fyodor, tries to keep Akutagawa alive. Got rejected by Akutagawa but still loves him

Renfield - Nikolai - Attempts to gain immorality by eating insects (Fyodor wannabe essentially)

John Seward - Sigma - Nikolai's doctor, extremely very confused

Lucy Westerna - Akutagawa - Turns into a vampire and has to be killed

Brides of Dracula - The Hunting Dogs - 'Vampires' only obey Fukuchi.

I'm convinced the only reason for the sensual biting of Atsushi's neck was a mike test. Asagiri looked over here and saw us all acting like fandom crazed idiots and went, 'Your wish shall be fulfilled but in the shittiest way ever, anyway, Blow up the tag if you like this'

I swear the next chapter will be something dumb like a beach reunion or Atsushi dying Akutagawa's hair blue.

A smol Rant 'cos I read wayy too much of E.A.P 's works.

Considering most of the BSD characters' lives are based off their IRL'S, Poe's should be a lot darker than 'Smart boi made me hunt for revenge for six years'.

IRL Poe wrote about murdering people and holing them in walls, being buried alive, an orangutan strangling a woman and shoving her up a chimney, holing somebody else up a wall, talking to a mummy from ancient Egypt and a demon murdering people.

Not to mention his father went to get the milk, his mother died, he got adopted, got into debt (every author in the 1800's I swear), joined the army, got disowned, then died mysteriously.

The only part of his Army life we see is during the cannibalism arc, where he do be doin' some sniping (allegedly).

Edogawa Ranpo's name is actually the Japanese pronunciation of Edgar Allen Poe. IRL Ranpo was a simp.

I am sobbing because I read one of the best soukoku fanfics ever and then Asagiri is throwing darts at photos of everybody we love and the Twilight Finale/Goodbye is coming out soon and I am looking forward to Monday, but also hella scared.

I just remembered that Higuchi and Gin are both Vampires. Let the shenanigans begin.

Wait.

What if the story of Bungou Stray Dogs is just a frame narrative. So maybe Atsushi is telling this story to his children, but it's their bedtime, so he tells them that he will tell the rest of the story the next night. Atsushi then cuddles for the rest of the night with his husband, Akutagawa, who pretends to be a vampire, making both of them laugh.

In the morning, their children meet up with Chuuya and Dazai's children, who are joined by Higuchi and Gin's kid. Kenji and Kyouka reveal that they are engaged. Poe and Ranpo call in from America to say they can make the wedding date. Yosano and Kouyou shed tears at this beautiful turn of fate. Nikolai and Fyodor show up, and everyone is jokingly mad at them. Fyodor promised to bring his band over for the wedding. Nikolai says he can provide the entertainment. Kyouka and Kenji have invited Mori and Fukuzawa, who were currently on a honeymoon in Italy.

Fukuchi died because he set one order wrong and ended up killing himself and nobody else.

Aya and Teruko live with Bram and Sigma.

Kunikida started up his old relationship with Katai, and managed to clean him up a bit.

Jouno and Tetchou live happily but the Hunting Dogs group chat keeps getting spammed by Jouno and his text-to-speech.

Tachihara and Tanizaki get together after Naomi forced him to go on a double date with her and Haruno.

Lucy and Lousia get a thing going on, leaving Fitzgerald and Steinbeck alone. They get a thing going too.

Lovecraft stays asleep (he tired of this)

And they all lived gaily ever after (pun intended).

This was Asagiri can keep the mystique of what happened, leaving the fandom to wonder how everybody was still alive, and begging Asagiri on a daily basis to ask him how he did it.

There is no other way.