Thisfeelswrong - This Feels Wrong - Tumblr Blog

Doesn't matter how much effort I put in, right? It's hard to love me.

am i the abusive one?

am i the reason so many people leave?

i am arent i?

i’m the problem

i always have been the problem

i’ll always be the problem

please im so tired im just so fucking tired please just stop can everything stop im so tired im begging can it all stop

Feel better by Penelope Scott is the ultimate relapse song

*me, still insane* “I used to be sooooo crazy “

I fucking hate looking in the mirror. Why the fuck do I look like that and why the fuck can’t I be different and how the fuck can anyone even tolerate being near me.

Once I learn how to stop being me it’s over for y’all

posting on tumblr cause i don’t have anyone to talk to, tired of burdening my fp with my feelings, it just pushes them further away, im so lonely.

One of the worst possible things about having bpd is having no sense of self.

Imagine going through life tied down to a total stranger. I am constantly changing, not knowing what I like or don’t like. I base my value on other people around me. Isn’t that so fucking pathetic? And there’s nothing to do that can change it.

I am a stranger to myself and nobody hates the way I am more than I do.

bpd is distancing yourself because their tone slightly changed and then running back crying to them begging them to love you

i’m so tired

Being near me is not a privilege, it’s a punishment

i hardly have any pictures of myself after the age of like 6 because nobody around me paid attention to me and when i became a teen i hated myself too much to take pictures, and i don’t even take them now as an adult. it makes me sad when i see pictures on social media of my friends hanging out and doing things, having photographed memories they can look back on.

me? i sit and rot in my bedroom, not going out and unable to look at myself without feeling disgusting.

I had forgotten about so many of these ಥ⁠‿⁠ಥ

100 little things I stayed alive for

Reflecting on the little things that kept me around when I didn’t want to be. It’s not wrong if the only thing you’re living for is trivial. Try to remember your own✨

Warm bed, cold room

The animals outside

My favorite artists releasing new content

My favorite creators releasing new content

Eating the dough when I bake

Seeing animals at the zoo

Growing plants

Laughter

Wearing my favorite outfit

Deep diving on a topic I’m into

Laying in the sunlight through the window

New funny memes

Dogs

Stuffed animals

Oversized sweatshirts

A really good meal

A really good sweet treat

Music that gives me chills

Colorful flowers

Spite

Curiosity

New books

Cool rocks

Low lighting

Vanilla candles

When the weather starts to cool

Waking up and realizing I have hours longer to sleep

Funny videos online

Leaning a new skill

Realizing I’m passionate about something

Rivers

Mountains

Pretty landscapes

Listening to a song/album on repeat

Sitting down after standing for a while

Bird nests

Crocheted clothes

Rain

Thunder

Clouds

Road trips

Winning bingo

Crunchy piles of leaves

Accidental jokes

Discovering new music

Petty revenge

Love (of anyone or thing)

A dog running to you

Finding a really good restaurant

Ice cream with a hot dessert

Cold water

Wholesome videos online

Finding something really cute on sale

Coloring

Writing

Late nights

Deep conversations

Discovering a new aspect to my personality

Sleeping

Odd compliments

Freaking out with a fandom

Slime

Dogs again

Blowing dandelions

Someone getting my reference

Dancing to music alone

Learning useless facts

Learning funny facts

Telling an anecdote someone is interested in

Learning to cook

Dogs again

Taking a photo of myself that I like

Gift giving

Getting gifts

Winning carnival games

Feeling free

The sound of streams

Baths

Doing my hair

Doing my makeup

Taking a pretty picture

Windy days

Seeing the stars

A child laughing or smiling to me

Decorating my water bottle

Wind chimes

Binging a good tv show

Homemade gifts

Ice cream trucks

Making someone laugh

Overcoming a fear

Making progress internally

Inside jokes

Finding something after searching for a while

When the world feels paused / not real

Finding a nice-feeling texture

Smooth drawing pens

Colorful sunsets

Waterfalls

A really good story

If none of these resonate enough to help, I implore you to come up with your own :)

I've never been good with reaching out to people but I finally had my group and I thought that I had found my people

But then time after time as soon as there were other people there it was like I didn't exist anymore and I'm so fucking tired

Is it really so selfish of me to want to feel important for once

Like damn I do everything I can for these people and when I haven't reached out in over a week nobody cares

Nothing changes and they move on without me and then when I finally suck it up and go back because I'm a whore for any sort of attention no matter how fleeting they will act like it's just a silly little thing that I did

I can't stand being alone I can't be alone with myself anymore

But they make me feel so goddamn pathetic

when you finally reach that numb after the breakdown >>>

ouch being reminded you’re the biggest waste of space hurts

Realizing that the ppl you make time for can’t find it in themselves to give you even a second of their time has gotta be like top 5 most heartbreaking things to happen

“I’m not going anywhere”

“you won’t scare me away”

“It’s okay to lean on me for support”

“you’re my closest friend”

“I don’t think you’re too much”

“I’m not going to do what they did”

“I want to be with you and only you”

“I love you”

“I’m sorry I just can’t do this anymore, I hope you can understand”

No matter how many times my favorite person tells me he loves me I don't believe him. i can't believe him. I'm afraid of dying and not having ever felt truly loved. It's like there's a wall up in my mind that prevents me from thinking anyone could ever possibly love me. Because how do you really know?

you don't.

bpd is so unbearably lonely. you never feel like anyone loves you because they only care about the sanitized idea of you, the one you made up so people don't abandon you again. as soon as your messy symptoms show, suddenly you're not nearly as loveable. having bpd is to spend your whole life trying desperately to make yourself more palatable

I wanna burn down every single bridge I built cause I’m tired of being the only person that makes sure it doesn’t fall apart