Brain Puzzling Out ULTRAKILL Character Pronouns:

Brain puzzling out ULTRAKILL character pronouns:

“Okay, if V1 is it/they, V2 is she/it (because you like that one person’s headcanon), and Mirage is she/her… is Gabriel he/hymn?”

Immediately afterwards: “ok now is time for sleep, Tired.”

the entire Destiny 2 Community rn

Visiting family, went on a hike

bored, brain spew time- my experiences with gender are Weird.

born AFAB in the US south, several forms of neurodivergence (Autism, ADHD, anxiety, depression, possible BPD but that one’s just a theory), mom was/is very open about gender and whatnot, dad didn’t/doesn’t like talking about it

went to a private Christian school for grades K-3, very “tomboy” like for those years. sometimes asked to be referred to by my middle name because it was more neutral than my first one- not knowingly for gender reasons at the time but looking back that was not cis behavior lmao

never really processed what it *meant* to be perceived as fem/masc/nb until middle/high school years, existed Purely On Vibes until then

Socially awkward disaster for almost my entire schooling time. Had trouble understanding conversation rules (thanks, mostly-unmedicated Autism /s), but with extensive training I eventually just ended up as a robot, silent for fear of overstepping and being rude

did a lot of reading about LGBTQ+ identities in the hopes of being considerate to my classmates

brain clicked with demigirl and/or genderfae for almost all of middle school

quarantine hits and most of my interactions shift to being online. internet kinda defaults to he/him when talking about randos in game lobbies… matter of time until I get referred to as such… and it isn’t uncomfortable? kinda vibe with it??

start experimenting with various labels:

agender didn’t work because I still was okay with being perceived as she/they/he;

bi-gender didn’t feel right either;

stuck with genderfluid for a while but it felt a bit too rigid- like I had to pick which mode I was in constantly to fit the description;

knew it was SOME kind of non-binary but I didn’t know much about the various umbrella and sub-type terms

‘bout a year into quarantine, still in school, making pride pins because I wanted to sell them and make money somehow, did some more research, learned about genderqueer.

and then the lightbulb finally stopped flickering and stayed on.

as of late, I’ve done more reading because a lot of the folks I talk to in Tavern-Frontiers and the surrounding groups are also LGBTQ+. found a label called “gendervague”- gender perception impacted by neurodivergence. while I’m personally not gonna use it as a main label, it definitely fits as a description of the clusterfuck that is my experience with identity

best way I can describe how I identify is “fuck if I know, call me whatever makes it easier.” General vibes I feel with different sets below:

she/her- born with it, used to it, okay with it

he/him- still feels new but I can work with it (I mostly use this when I refer to myself online, to help get used to it)

they/them- good default, not as natural as she/her but also not as exciting as he/him

it/its- :pensive_robot: yeah (nothing really wrong with it, but I’d rather call myself it than be called it)

neopronouns- never tried before, funky and new! (good funky, like a new genre of music- not bad funky, like socks)

Had a Destiny/ULTRAKILL crossover dream…

Clovis Bray turned to the side of the Witness, and captured my player character Bitrik. I started out as my Warlock, dashing across the Ascendant Plane, accompanied by my Titan.

Together, the two of them (us?) tracked down a hole where Clovis was sending Taken(?) Vex drones in and out of the Plane to commune with the Witness.

However, my Warlock was cornered by a unique Taken Knight and executed, the game went to the title screen and then feigned my PS4 and TV turning off. It reopened in Bitrik’s POV, who was being held captive by Clovis.

Clovis was experimenting on him (me?), scanning him and trying to kill him in multiple different ways. None of them worked… until he tried radiation poisoning. Over and over, Bitrik’s body began to become less salvageable for his Ghost, until he was nothing but a fragile lump of flesh barely clinging to life. He still had all of his paracausality within him, but no way to channel it

Clovis was after something called the Raven Staff (which I think was just the Nightmare Harvester but Dreaming City themed), demanding that Bitrik give it over. Bitrik, being an irradiated blob of Awoken meat, couldn’t really do that.

Eventually, Clovis tried summoning something(?) to take it by force, but that backfired, since the Raven Staff was apparently modified to only be usable by Guardians. A massive hand crashed through the ceiling, announced that fact, and crushed everyone in the room.

——

For a moment, I saw through the thing’s eye(s?) as it plucked a BrayTech chip from deep inside Clovis’ Exo brain.

The view cut to a cinematic of Bitrik standing on some pale Vex architecture, being interrogated by the Exo Stranger. His armor was slightly different- more Hive-like, less gold- and his eyes were visible through his mask.

Elsie played a clip of someone talking about the Raven Staff- it sounded like Mara, but Bitrik admitted with a robotic voice that it was him. The camera zoomed in on his face there, revealing two golden Exo eyes beneath his helmet.

————

Back in the lab, Bitrik’s soul was being torn apart. Every time he was shot with radiation, he lost a chunk of himself. Eventually, he managed to slip from his body and into some kind of afterlife.

The dream quality took on the appearance of ULTRAKILL’s graphic style as Bitrik descended down a tunnel of… something red. From here, Bitrik and V1 kinda merged. The zones that it went through was a desert-like version of Limbo and a new forested place called Natura.

I can’t really remember much about this section of the dream, except that there were creatures that had to be dealt with in priority before they enraged. Never figured out if it was a proximity, timed, or line-of-sight thing for that mechanic…

There was also some kind of puzzle aspect to go “deeper” into Bitrik’s escape. Word puzzles spelled out nonsensical sentences, which felt like they had meaning at the time but are completely incomprehensible looking back. Each secret level had some version of the Taken Knight (from the start of the dream) chasing Bitrik/V1, acting as a timer for the level since it corrupted everything around it.

I never reached the end before I woke up… but the whole time I was slowly coming to consciousness, I was assailed by a feeling of dread. Something felt wrong.

Dammit… my brain dreamt that I solo-flawlessly ran a legend lost sector

And then I wake up and realize- no, I *didn’t* do that. Pain and agony

Then again, I should’ve known it was a dream- I loaded in with fucking Salvation’s Grip as my heavy weapon, and my pc kept giving me alerts that its internal fans were fucked. I play on PS4 irl

The boss was on a ledge right next to the entrance. The lost sector was on Nessus and a mix of Cabal and Vex: A Red Legion colossus, surrounded by goblins, weird wall-sentries, and mechanical triceratops for some fucking reason

The colossus eventually clambered on to the side of a helicopter, which I blew up with a Deathbringer shot. The exotic dropped straight from the boss, as opposed to the sector chest, and ended up being some kind of variant version of Gyrfalcon’s Hauberk that looked like the Hunter chestplate from Season of the Hunt