Is It Worse To Be Alone With No One, Or Feel Alone Surround By People?

Is it worse to be alone with no one, or feel alone surround by people?

Is there even a comparison?

I have family. A mother and father, a sister and brother. And I love them dearly. But I feel alone. Sometimes when I am with them, I question if they are even aware of my existence. I am not sure they can even see me unless they have some sort of insult to sling. I am my families punch line.

When I feel low and I need someone to talk to. I have no one. Except my siblings. I regret contacting them every time. As when I am low. It is as if it excites them. So they push me lower. And it surprises me every time. I am always so sure they will see my desperation. See the pain in my eyes that i usually hide.

I think about running away. But I have no where to go. I think about it every day. 

I wonder if I move away where they can't get to me easily, will I be happy that I am safe from their prison? Or will I finally be thankful that I am alive to see that day where I can breathe and feel safe that I am living on my terms. And my wounds finally have time to heal, will I feel hopeful?

man I can't write today. nothing poetic about those words. I've lost it.

- Sequoia Red

brr...that icy cold pain you feel after being used.

- Sequoia Red.

It seems I’ve stopped speaking with my voice. Part of me fell asleep and just watches.

Fernando Pessoa (via stxxz)

I’m losing this battle. I ache…even the cells in my blood burn. How am I going to make it through today.  - ‘Th’end’ @sequoiared - http://www.twitter.com/feelsgoodtogasp

Th’end by Sequoia Red

If you’re absent during my struggle, don’t expect to be present during my success

Will Smith (via my-claudiablog-stuff)

Uninhabited cluster. I wonder if Jesus ever felt like this? open. vast. loneliness. So much uninhabited space, empty and yet an incredible amount of clustered pain. frustration. confusion. uneasiness. anxiousness… I have a mother and a father, under the same roof. A sister and brother, who moved 386km away because that is how far their hearts and minds desire to live from mine... But I am...alone...abandoned...’ (via - Sequoia Red)

-- Sequoia Red