Wordsofsequoia - Tumblr Posts

I hate to admit it, but I am afraid

- Sequoia Red (via Sequoia Red)

I hate that I am completely capable of helping everyone else figure everything out. But not only can I not figure my own life out they never have the inclination to assist me with figuring it out.

Sequoia Red (journal) WWW.sequoiared.tumblr.com

I’m here to be your waste land. Seen as worthless because I allow it. It still surprises me. But it eats at me to yearn to be like you and lash out at you. 30 days. I will leave you forever. In 30 days. I won’t miss you. Need you. Think of you. My last days are mine.

Sequoia Red. ‘Mine’

I stayed for you. All you do for me is tell me how much of a joke I am for never leaving your side. Of how much of an idiot I am for wasting time. But you asked me to stay...you begged me to stay. I guess I am an idiot for believing in love and responsibility. I wish I had never cared, as you stopped caring for me.

Sequoia Red

“I used to pray death would come for me, due to the pain you caused me and the pain that was there before and you never did a thing. You could never see me. But now…I pray for the opportune time. The time I become everything you could not. Everything you never believed or supported me to be. The moment you look at me at a distance and without me having to say it you hear it…’Suck it.’”

Sequoia Red

I am the queen of screw ups. I should have ran away when I had the chance. Now I just want this to be over. But it never ends, It's just pain after pain, blood staining every inch of me.

- Sequoia Red

Is it worse to be alone with no one, or feel alone surround by people?

Is there even a comparison?

I have family. A mother and father, a sister and brother. And I love them dearly. But I feel alone. Sometimes when I am with them, I question if they are even aware of my existence. I am not sure they can even see me unless they have some sort of insult to sling. I am my families punch line.

When I feel low and I need someone to talk to. I have no one. Except my siblings. I regret contacting them every time. As when I am low. It is as if it excites them. So they push me lower. And it surprises me every time. I am always so sure they will see my desperation. See the pain in my eyes that i usually hide.

I think about running away. But I have no where to go. I think about it every day. 

I wonder if I move away where they can't get to me easily, will I be happy that I am safe from their prison? Or will I finally be thankful that I am alive to see that day where I can breathe and feel safe that I am living on my terms. And my wounds finally have time to heal, will I feel hopeful?

man I can't write today. nothing poetic about those words. I've lost it.

- Sequoia Red

Don't tell me you love me and then try to control me.

- Sequoia Red

brr...that icy cold pain you feel after being used.

- Sequoia Red.

I’m losing this battle. I ache…even the cells in my blood burn. How am I going to make it through today.  - ‘Th’end’ @sequoiared - http://www.twitter.com/feelsgoodtogasp

Th’end by Sequoia Red

Point.

"Loving anyone is a curse, because you love them too much to leave them behind. And hate them enough to consistently think about it so much you are sure one day love won't matter...and you'll just go and you won't feel anything as you've loved to the point of numbing."

- Sequoia Red (via Sequoia Red) "Working on a novel...here's a snippet) @feelsgoodtogasp)

When you want to book it...but there's no where to run

- Sequoia Red (via Sequoia Red)

Uninhabited cluster. I wonder if Jesus ever felt like this? open. vast. loneliness. So much uninhabited space, empty and yet an incredible amount of clustered pain. frustration. confusion. uneasiness. anxiousness… I have a mother and a father, under the same roof. A sister and brother, who moved 386km away because that is how far their hearts and minds desire to live from mine... But I am...alone...abandoned...’ (via - Sequoia Red)

-- Sequoia Red

“My family, they ‘love’ me But neglect me and consistently beat out my passion, inspiration, self-belief And are usually quite successful As I have grown tired. I have to learn to not need the love of people. To just accept that when it comes to ‘that…’I am alone. When I cry for hours, they can’t hear and when I am in unimaginable pain, it seeps through my pores They still cannot see it. They cannot feel it Unless it is their own And even if I beg them to try They choose not to It’s time for me to go, to be fearful To shudder, And ignore it.”

- Sequoia Red

I am so tired of not having control, being led by someone else's gravity pull. Will I ever live life for me?

- Sequoia Red

I have a love. And as strong as it is inside of me. It is not enough to help me. Help me survive help me make it. I find myself confused. Still lost. Still unable to communicate how I truly feel.

- Sequoia Red (taken from poem Why is it?)

I try to speak. Assuming with you I am safe. I made a mistake of forgetting my voice is noise to you and trying to prove that point, hurting me is comical…laughter for your own pain. Sequoiared.tumblr.com

Sequoia Red

I hate how I feel today. And it's for the exact same reasons. My family. The only people in my life break my heart, my spirit, and tear at my self-esteem...on top of that the strangers who enter my life and try to do the same. But my spirit has survived still. My heart may be full of nails, but it is still passionate.

 - Sequoia Red (http://www.sequoiared.tumblr.com

When life makes a fool out of you with catastrophe and tears you down. When part of that includes people coming in to your life and uprooting you. Hang tight. Fight.

- Sequoia Red

I was so close. I almost got away from you. But you caught me. Fucked me over again.

- Sequoia Red