You Go Through Many Prey In A Week

You go through many prey in a week

Not really. A lot of folks don’t seem to realize how big men really are, so it takes a little while to digest them. Though the actual count is impacted by specific prey body composition and how much I exercise and a million and a half other variables, there is a general rule of thumb we can use. 1lb of non-water weight is about 650 calories. I’m decently active, so I usually burn an average of 2500 calories per day. So if an average man I eat is 160 lbs, that’s 64 lbs non-water weight, 41,600 calories to burn, taking 17 days to fully digest. So with that figure, I consume 22 guys per year on average. Not that many of you’re looking Year to Year, but that’s still a lot of guys when you think that each one of them had a name, family, friends, a unique story and a future, only to serve as my food.

Like what you see? Because I think I’ve got some plans for the delicious stud I’m seeing

You aren’t gonna lie you had a bad feeling about taking this shortcut, even if you couldn’t put your finger on why. It was fine though because you were honestly enjoying your afternoon walk. As your AirPods died and the dark clouds echoed a threat of coming rain the vibes soon changed as you turned short. Passing by the alley, you heard your inner voice tell you to avoid it. Just two steps in you got a little creeped out and turned around, continuing down the winding streets. But before you got to the corner you couldn’t help but laugh at yourself and return to that alley. It’s a safe neighborhood, you rationalized. It’s just the dark clouds that have you a bit on edge and wouldn’t it make sense to take the shortest way home to avoid them. About a block down the way you spot a hunking guy walking towards you. It’s a bit chilly out, so you recognize his shirtlessness as a bit silly, but not crazy unusual. You think nothing of him until you get closer and can’t help but notice he seems to be staring at you. You try to give him as much space as possible without seeming nervous as you pass by him. Just before you go on your separate ways he seems to steer himself towards you. Not wanting to take any chances you launch into an all out sprint as adrenaline hits you like a Mac truck. But as the first raindrops hit the pavement in front of you, you hear a pair of rapid footsteps hitting the pavement behind. You know in that moment your worst fears have been realized. Instead of listening to your gut, now you’re gonna fill his. You slowly turn your head just as it all goes dark.

What do you mean, you don’t know how you feel about this? Look at him! He’s practically begging for you to eat him. You think he started boiling himself for himself? It’s for you, sweat enhances the flavor, but if you want to pass up the finest — fine. This is for the best anyways; to tell the truth I started making my own plans for him.

Shhh, just calm down buddy. Don’t worry I’ve got you. I’m sorry it has to end this way, but at least we’re together now.

Hey don’t be like that, I warned you what could happen if I got drunk and you took the risk anyways.

Nah bro, I told you I don’t even remember doing it. I just kinda woke up with a headache and you in there.

Yeah, I mean I guess regardless of what happened last night I could let you out now, but isn’t there some degree of fate that led you in there? I know it was an accident, but maybe this is where you’re meant to be.

You’re in there already anyways, might as well be a good sport about it. C’mon, relax for old time sake.

Like the treacherous sirens of Greek mythology, I couldn’t help but feel drawn to him. Like a moth to a flame I couldn’t help but fixate on his body and my imagination running wild, no matter how I tried to distract myself, but at the end of the day, he was a friend of a friend and therefore off limits. To be fair, maybe those metaphors aren’t fair, when in reality I’m the one who presents the danger to him, but standing there, seeing him there, it didn’t feel that way. To me the temptation he presented was one of the strongest and thus most dangerous forces known to man. Resistance was growing more and more futile as I fantasize what he must taste like. I knew that besides a brief struggle from him there was no one out at sea to save him, but what would my friend think? If two men leave on a boat and only one comes back, sporting a large squirming belly, well that doesn’t leave too much plausible deniability. But then again, maybe your friend curated this on purpose. Afterall, he knew I was a predator and he could see I had my full set of abs for a while. Maybe this is his way of taking care of this guy without having to order a hit verbatim. Maybe he’s doing me a favor. Maybe I’m doing him a favor by tanking this guy. Here I am concerned about offending him by eating his friend, when really I should be worried about the offense called by refusing his gift. When I get to the shore he’ll probably act disapprovingly to add plausible deniability on his end, but I’ll know what the purpose of this two person cruise with strangers really was. I hope you like the acid bath, blue brief boy. This little boat excursion is a one-way trip.

Kevin Baker