What? Why You Giving Me That Look, A Mans Gotta Eat. Do I Not Have The Right To Eat Food When Im Hungry?

What? Why you giving me that look, a man’s gotta eat. Do I not have the right to eat food when I’m hungry? Geez

Some men say that there’s only two types of men, predators and food, but not him. To him every man is just that, a man. The fact that a man is not merely just food is why they’re such a delicacy to him. The soul and conscious and purpose is the very reason why he devours them with such passion. Nobody was destined to be eaten until chosen by him. And now he has chosen you. Don’t try to argue your worth and attributes in order to escape his fleshy prison, those things are the thrilling details that make you his favorite delicacy. Just accept the turn of events and he’ll treat you well as you slowly melt to become one with him. Have a nice trip poor stranger, you’re his alone now.

I swear sometimes burning a guy off is some seriously hard work. Sometimes I wonder if it’s really worth all the cardio. But hey at least I’ve almost gotten rid of Mike. Funny though how I forget about all the work and sweat when I smell it on another man. I guess I could let them out, but that just sounds like cheating. If I fall to temptation I should pay the price of having to burn them off. What do you mean “What about the prey?”

You aren’t gonna lie you had a bad feeling about taking this shortcut, even if you couldn’t put your finger on why. It was fine though because you were honestly enjoying your afternoon walk. As your AirPods died and the dark clouds echoed a threat of coming rain the vibes soon changed as you turned short. Passing by the alley, you heard your inner voice tell you to avoid it. Just two steps in you got a little creeped out and turned around, continuing down the winding streets. But before you got to the corner you couldn’t help but laugh at yourself and return to that alley. It’s a safe neighborhood, you rationalized. It’s just the dark clouds that have you a bit on edge and wouldn’t it make sense to take the shortest way home to avoid them. About a block down the way you spot a hunking guy walking towards you. It’s a bit chilly out, so you recognize his shirtlessness as a bit silly, but not crazy unusual. You think nothing of him until you get closer and can’t help but notice he seems to be staring at you. You try to give him as much space as possible without seeming nervous as you pass by him. Just before you go on your separate ways he seems to steer himself towards you. Not wanting to take any chances you launch into an all out sprint as adrenaline hits you like a Mac truck. But as the first raindrops hit the pavement in front of you, you hear a pair of rapid footsteps hitting the pavement behind. You know in that moment your worst fears have been realized. Instead of listening to your gut, now you’re gonna fill his. You slowly turn your head just as it all goes dark.

Plotting my escape . . .

Like the treacherous sirens of Greek mythology, I couldn’t help but feel drawn to him. Like a moth to a flame I couldn’t help but fixate on his body and my imagination running wild, no matter how I tried to distract myself, but at the end of the day, he was a friend of a friend and therefore off limits. To be fair, maybe those metaphors aren’t fair, when in reality I’m the one who presents the danger to him, but standing there, seeing him there, it didn’t feel that way. To me the temptation he presented was one of the strongest and thus most dangerous forces known to man. Resistance was growing more and more futile as I fantasize what he must taste like. I knew that besides a brief struggle from him there was no one out at sea to save him, but what would my friend think? If two men leave on a boat and only one comes back, sporting a large squirming belly, well that doesn’t leave too much plausible deniability. But then again, maybe your friend curated this on purpose. Afterall, he knew I was a predator and he could see I had my full set of abs for a while. Maybe this is his way of taking care of this guy without having to order a hit verbatim. Maybe he’s doing me a favor. Maybe I’m doing him a favor by tanking this guy. Here I am concerned about offending him by eating his friend, when really I should be worried about the offense called by refusing his gift. When I get to the shore he’ll probably act disapprovingly to add plausible deniability on his end, but I’ll know what the purpose of this two person cruise with strangers really was. I hope you like the acid bath, blue brief boy. This little boat excursion is a one-way trip.

Kevin Baker