CNAOCNAIFNA I SAW YOUR OLD BLOG WAS DEACTIVATED AND I WAS SO SAD :(( IM SO GLAD TO SEE THAT YOURE DOING

CNAOCNAIFNA I SAW YOUR OLD BLOG WAS DEACTIVATED AND I WAS SO SAD :(( IM SO GLAD TO SEE THAT YOURE DOING WELL

yeah 😭😭😭 i was planning on moving accounts since ive been very ia there but i accidentally deleted it like an idiot 😭😭 but hello im glad you still managed to find me :))

— lost to time ft. sae itoshi

— warnings: angst, character death, slight ooc?

— author's note: a reupload of my favorite work on sae while i finish editing the next 2 chapters of my hazbin series. enjoy!

— first recording

“hi sae! i heard from rin that you’ll be leaving for spain. i’m really sorry i couldn’t come to see you off, i’ve been busy studying, you know, for exams and stuff. but that’s beside the point! i wish you all the best sae! do your best and when you come back home, you better be the world’s best striker yeah? don’t worry, everything will pass by quickly so don’t miss me too much ok?”

sae hated planes. he hated them quite a lot. in was a constant reminder of that time when he was only 14, leaving home to go to spain to live out his dreams only for it to be crushed 4 years later. sae hated the airport, it was always so busy and so stuffy and so cramped. he hated the feeling of being surrounded by unfamiliar strangers, hated the feeling of people brushing up against him even if they didn’t really mean it. sae hated winter. it was the season he severed his bond with his precious little brother after all. it was the season he turned his back on him and it was the season he had wished to never relive again.

-

— second recording

“hey hey guess who’s sending you another voice message? it’s me obviously, why didn’t you tell me you were back already?! if you did i would’ve picked you up from the airport!

……

is something the matter sae? you haven’t picked up any of your parents’ calls and their really worried about you. you can always talk to me remember? i’ll always be here to listen, ok? don’t bottle everything up, it’ll do more bad than good. well, i have to go now. talk with your parents every once in a while will you? ever since you left for spain you’ve pretty much cut off all contact, even with me. that’s all, good night sae.”

sae didn’t really like flowers. he thought they were a hassle. plants that require specific needs and if not met, they’ll wilt. sae was never fond of them but here he was, standing in front of the counter of a local flower shop as the elderly shopkeeper wrapped a bouquet – filled with carnations, gardenias, lilies, roses, and chrysanthemums. 

everything passes.

— college; third recordings

“i got into my dream college sae! can you believe that! honestly, i was really nervous when i took the entrance exams, but thankfully i studied real hard and managed to pass! i’ll be moving into the dorms soon. i’m gonna miss home. oh and rin! i heard he got into a soccer program recently, isn’t that nice! he’s following your footsteps in becoming the best striker in the world. i know, i know, you aren’t a striker anymore but it’s still nice to know that you’re still into soccer at least. by the way, when will you come back home? i kind of miss you, you know. i never got to see you off and when you did come back i was out of town and really busy. what about we plan a meetup or something in the near future? you know, make up for the times we lost? oh, i have to go now! my parents are helping me move in to my dorm. catch you later sae!”

sae didn’t really like coming home. the house he grew up in for the first 14 years of his life felt too foreign to be called home anymore. his parents felt like distant strangers that he just met a couple weeks ago – they felt more like acquaintances than his mother and father. the photos framed around his home felt like ancient relics from thousands of years ago, he didn’t recognize them. sae didn’t recognize himself. 

maybe he spent too much time in spain to the point where it felt more like home. how ironic, he began to realize. he had flown back to japan to escape from his hell that was spain but here he was, in his home, in the bedroom he used to sleep in for endless nights, wanting to go back to the place that left his heart hollow.

“there’s nothing else i could do.” he tried to convince himself as he sat down on his childhood bed, the bouquet of flowers at his side. he could only sigh and let himself fall back into the bed of his long gone home. “everything passes.”

“hey hey hey it’s me again! how have you been sae? i’d like to think that i’ve adjusted pretty well in college. made a few new friends and met some old ones. honestly, i almost didn’t recognize them! i mean, do you remember makoto from middle school. he was a such a problem child back then and now look at him! he’s a scholar now! i guess everyone just starts to become more mature after hitting 18, who knows. thank you again, for the gift. i was definitely shocked when my roommate told me i had a package from you. i can’t believe you still remember that i wanted ‘no longer human’! thank you, i’ll be sure to treasure it. well, that’s all for today. call you some other time sae!”

everything passes.

-

— drunk recordings; the words i wish i could’ve told you sooner

“how do you work this again? ah got it! hehe, hi again sae! i’m at a party right now, man maybe you were right, i do have shit alcohol tolerance. but it’s fine. don’t worry, i’m already on my way home and the driver isn’t some creepy dude that might kill me.

……

you know, i like you very much but i don’t think you’ll believe me. i know i jokingly said that we should marry each other if we aren’t dating someone if we hit our 30s, but i kinda wanna marry you even if we aren’t 30 yet. is that weird? i really miss you. please come home.”

……

“hello? god that was so embarrassing… sorry, could you just forget about what i said in the last recording? um just, gosh i don’t even know. denying it won’t really help right haha… it’s in the past now so don’t mull over too much ok? please, just disregard that last recording. i’m really sorry, it was just me being drunk.”

sae did not in fact disregard that recording. in fact, sometimes in the dead of night he’d think about it and wonder, if he had replied to that specific recording would things have ended differently? 

sae didn’t like deep and evoking questions about ‘what if’s’, he finds them annoying most of the time. and yet here he was now entertaining the idea. bouquet in hand as he casually walked around the neighborhood that the both of you had grew up in. the same twists and turns, same houses, same playground, same everything.

yet the silence was too loud, even for him.

everything passes.

-

— graduation recordings

“well, i think it’s safe to say i survived. i graduated sae, are you proud? man i still can’t believe i was a few point from getting the valedictorian spot but oh well. alls well that ends well i suppose. i heard you won your recent match congratulations mr best midfielder! kinda wish i was there to see it, but don’t worry! in your next match i’ll definitely save up enough money and buy those tickets to spain and your match one day! just you wait, i’ll be the screaming my lungs out and support you, i’m still your number one fan after all!”

sae had some feelings of dissatisfaction when you did not in fact get those tickets to spain and his match. maybe it was his wishful thinking but he really did wish you were there. but he knew it was impossible. 

he remembered the feeling of anger and frustration running through his veins, cursing the heavens above because he felt the need to show the gods his emotions. sae hated thinking about you in that moment. he hated how he felt like he was in a new version of hell whenever you just happened to cross his mind. sae hated you very much.

everything passes.

-

— recordings from 2 years ago

“i’m sorry. i know you should’ve heard it from me but i guess my family beat me to it haha. to be perfectly honest with you sae, i had no plans of telling you. i’m sorry. its just, the thought of breaking the news to you. how could i ever do that to you? i’m sorry. god i’m so sorry sae.”

……

“hey. i received the gift you sent me. you didn’t have to , you know. now i kinda feel bad about having you go on break in the middle of soccer season because of me. but still, thank you. i appreciated you being here, with me. it was a refreshing feeling, talking to you again and just hanging out. work has been really stuffy and felt like i was being caged but you came. you suddenly appeared and suddenly everything was alright again. i know we only said goodbye a couple minutes ago but, i miss you already. sorry. this sounds really weird doesn’t it? anyways, thank you again for the gift. i’ll be sure to wear it everyday. that’s all, have a good night sae.”

……

“hey. sorry for calling at such an odd time. i just. i just felt a little lonely. i sound so stupid i’m sorry. good night sae.”

……

“makoto dropped by today. god he was as annoying as ever but he really cheered me up. he managed to confess to this girl he’s pining over since sophomore year. i’m happy for him. but it really got me thinking about us. i know i told you to forget about that one recording because i was drunk but now that i look back on it, i wasn’t really honest. to you and myself. i know this may be the worst timing to confess but yeah, i like you very much. since primary school, as cliche as it may sound i think it all started when you stood up for me from those bullies. now that i think about, i practically glued myself to your side ever since that day didn’t i? i’m glad you didn’t really mind that. i remember always using homework as an excuse to always have you hang out with me even though i completely understood the lesson. man, where did i get the confidence to do that stuff? but i guess those times are lost in the sands of the past i guess. oh right, sorry, i forgot you didn’t really like those type of stuff. getting all deep and whatnot. well that’s all, i’m getting pretty tired already so i’ll head to bed. good night sae.”

everything passes.

-

— present

“hi. thank you by the way. i don’t know, i just don’t think i’ve ever said that you recently. so, thank you. its a bit funny isn’t it? i would almost always talk your ear off every recording but this time, i can’t even find the words to say. my parents came over, talked to them a bit. rin visited as well. he’s gotten a lot taller than i last saw him, he’s probably taller than you now!

……

sae, thank you. for everything. i’m glad we stayed in touch. i’m glad we stayed as friends.  thank you for making my days seem just a tad bit brighter, though sometimes i wonder what it would be like if we were, you know, dating. wonder what the difference would be. i mean we’d still talk to each other right? maybe holding hands and kisses but that’s pretty much it right? but thinking about it is useless right now. maybe in an alternate universe were actually married and adopted a cat like how we used to talk about.”

“you know, before this very moment. i accepted my fate already. i was content, i was doing fine but now. sae, i don’t want to die.”

“please remember me ok? and i’ll be sure to remember you. i’ll see you again, sae.”

“nii-chan..”

sae could only put his phone back in his pocket. his younger brother standing a good distance away from him. he could only imagine how rin looked like right now. was he pitying him, grieving with him? he’ll never know because he will never turn to look at him. not when your right in front of him.

how many times had he played all your recordings for the past 2 years? maybe a little over a 100 times? maybe close to 200 now?

sae removed all those thoughts as he placed the bouquet on the ground, the wind seemed to answer to his call – you seemed to answer to his call. despite all the pain, all the misery, all the bitter waves of grief that flooded his being whenever he played your recordings, he couldn’t bring himself to stop. he didn’t want to forget what you sounded like. your voice reminded him too much of home.

“happy birthday you idiot.” he said to you, keeping his hands in his pockets, watching the leaves of the flowers in the bouquet sway with the wind. two pieces of paper underneath it threatened to be blown away. “you said you wanted to come visit me and watch my match, well now you can.” two pieces of paper, one a plane ticket to spain the other a ticket to his upcoming match two weeks from now. “you better come watch me alright?” he could only bitterly smile. 

“you’re 30 now,” he whispered, before getting on one knee. placing a velvet box in front of your gravestone. “you should’ve waited for me, you idiot.” sae could only mutter those words to no one in particular. it was as if the world had stopped for a moment, the wind had stopped howling, the sun was nowhere to be seen. he could only see you. “i wanted to marry you too, y’know.”

sae could remember every occurrence where he would sit at his balcony in spain every night after your passing. phone to his ear, listening to all your recordings. but you’ll never know how he replies to them, every single one of them with his own. 

“i told the stars about you and what we could’ve had.” he chuckled, “you’re by far the hardest lesson i had to learn.”

standing up from his kneeling position, he gave you one last look before walking away. rin followed suit, but not before placing something at your grave. a pink book that you had loved till the very end. 

sae hated planes, but he flew back to japan every year. sae didn’t really like flowers, but every year he’d get you a pretty bouquet. sae didn’t like coming home but if it meant getting to visit you, he’d come back over and over again. sae didn’t like reading or any deep and evoking questions but he always humored you whenever you asked him.

sae hated all those things but they reminded him too much of you to let them go. 

and just like your favorite author, when osamu dazai asked to die, he simplu agreed; but just before his death, he suddenly felt obsession with life.

everything passes. just like how you’ll eventually get lost in the sands of time.

© vxnuslogy 2024. please do not copy, repost, or translate any of my works.

ok so i kinda lied LMAOO though i have started on the second part of that aventurine fic, i might wait for the next part of the story because i cannot fuck it we ball this story (or if i get desperate enough, i'll make watch a shit ton of theory vids). but overall, im getting pretty invested into the reader's story and abilities.

what do you guys think happened after the 2.1 hsr quest? what happened to aventurine and will he be waking out of penacony's dream alive? please feel free to tell me your thoughts! i need more lore buddies :((

🍿lights, camera, action .ᐟ

chapter 1 — red suit

— prev | masterlist | next

“what the hell is going on?” was all you could say as you entered your co-star’s dressing room with a half empty coffee cup.

adam looked like he was on the verge of killing someone, sera was looking at him disapprovingly, emily looked so lost and confused, and lute was recording with her phone. they all looked over at you briefly but shifted their focus on adam when he ultimately decided to continue his little hissy fit.

“i am not doing that fucking interview with him!” to further emphasize his anger he threw a middle finger when alastor’s face came on the small tv screen in the dressing room. you only raised a bemused brow before setting your things down beside lute.

“soooo,” you stretch your legs and throw the girl beside you a smile, “what’s gotten your boss so out of sorts at 6 in the evening?” lute let out a chortle before readjusting the phone she held in her hands. “he doesn’t want to do the interview.” you wanted to ask more, but the shoe that was sent flying just over your head had you shutting up. 

“this is where you come in, my dear friend.” a shiver went up your spine when a familiar arm swung around your shoulders. tufts of white hair loosely tied in a ponytail paired with blue eyes slotted himself in front of you. “and how exactly am i supposed to do about…” you awkwardly gesture your hands in adam’s direction who is now holding one of your props – a silver sword you’re supposed to use in the next episode – in his hands. flinging the thing around, threatening to put someone in a coma with the way he was using it.

the way azrail grinned at you made you slightly regret coming to this dressing room after multiple sos messages emily had sent you earlier.

“because you will be taking his spot in the interview!”

the color from your face was drained and the smile on your lips began to twitch, threatening to fall apart with how azrail had started to drag you up from your seat and in the direction of his hair and makeup artist.

“says who?!” you shout in protest, trying to pry your poor wrist away from your supposed bodyguard. 

“says me!”  

you’ll have to talk with your scriptwriter and convince them to allow you to throw azrail into hell.

───── ✦ ─────

“we’re going live in 20… 19.. 18..”

you only sigh exasperatedly. arms crossed over your chest as you tried your best to beg sera and emily to get you out of this situation despite it being too late. in the blink of an eye, you had been seated in the chair right in front of azrail’s makeup artist, trying her best to put together a simple look for you while you had tried to claw at the man beside you.

now here you were, standing backstage with one of the managers offering you a smile as you shifted from one foot to another to quench the bubbling nervousness that began to form in the pit of your stomach. the backstage was a lot bigger than you expected, it had a full body mirror right where you were situated, so you took this chance to fully soak in what you were dressed in.

your hair was in its usual hairstyle but what stood out was the bright red shirt you wore that was a size bigger than you. the sleeves hang loosely in your arms but the black vest you wore over it somehow balanced it out. paired with some black slacks and shoes, and the gold accessories – your earrings, belt and bracelets adam was kind enough to lend you made the overall outfit very put together.

“going live in 10.. 9… 8..”

“are you ready?” the manager had asked you, pressing a finger to the in-ear she wore. taking a deep breath you nodded. “ready.”

“lights, camera, and action!”

───── ✦ ─────

to say you were entertained was an understatement, you were wholly enjoying your time with the man clad in a somewhat matching red suit that sat beside you. with his hair styled to the side - a few loose curls escaping - and his dapper red suit truly made you realize how much the color red suited him.

alastor was just as charming as the media presented him. you were slightly worried about how your interactions would go, after all, you didn’t know him besides the times you’d see him on tv, and even in those times adam would never fail to situate himself in front of the tv screen and flip it off. but so far, you hadn’t felt the slightest bit awkward. you, him, and the host glided from one question to another, laughing here and there whenever he cracked a little joke or pun and you wouldn’t fail to add a quip of your own.

“but i must admit, it is quite a surprise.” the host said, his hands rubbing at his chin in curiosity. “i was informed that adam would be the one to attend this interview! oh but of course, i don’t mind you replacing him, [name].”

you only laugh, crossing your leg over the other as you make yourself comfortable on the sofa. pushing away the stray hair that fell over your face, you answer the man in an amused smile, “i didn’t expect to be sitting here myself! emy had sent a few messages saying she needed help with something. i didn’t think what she needed help with was finding adam a substitute.”

“and you were the candidate?”

“unfortunately.” you roll your eyes when you catch a glimpse of adam flipping you off backstage. azrail holding in his laugh and throwing you a thumbs-up. leaning over to grab the cup placed atop the coffee table, you stop mid-sip when you hear your co-star laugh lightly beside you. you raise a brow, a smile breaking from your features, “what? finding my demise funny?”

alastor chuckles along with the crowd. you’ve already lost count of how many times you’ve rolled your eyes tonight. clearing his throat, you set your cup down and slightly turned to him, “but of course not! what kind of gentleman would i be to laugh at a poor soul’s misery. especially if it was caused by someone like adam.”

you laugh at that comment. “but it would suit your character, actually,” you say. “should i feel nervous that the infamous radio demon is now sitting beside me?”

you couldn’t help the way your grin grew wider, your cheeks starting to hurt from smiling too much, as his eyebrows raised in entertainment at your comment. alastor sighed dramatically, shaking his head back and forth with his fingers pressed into his forehead. 

“fear not, my dear! i’m not as bad as some people may say.” his brown eyes were shaped like little crescents because of the smile on his face. “though i have to admit, not very many people stay as calm and cool-headed as you when they first interact with me.” somehow his smile grew wider, “you are certainly one of a kind.” he mutters to you when he picks up your hand and presses a soft peck on your knuckles.

“don’t listen to a fucking word he says!”

the two of you look at each other briefly before bursting out laughing, your hand still in his all the while. streams of curses, laughter, and lectures could be heard from backstage as you and alastor try to fight off the bubbling giggles from your throats.

“now, pray to tell,” you turn to alastor with an amused smile. “what did you do to adam to have him not turn up in this interview?”

alastor laughed, eyes crinkling intro crescents by sheer amusement.

“let’s just say,” he readjusted his tie and stared directly into your eyes as if challenging you to try and maintain eye contact. “this radio demon garnered more votes than the first man in the latest popularity poll.”

───── ✦ ─────

“i have to say, the media has not done you any justice in regards to that ever appealing moxie of yours my dear.”

you turn around to be met with the devil your little group has been talking about. gone was the red blazer and vest he wore in the interview, now he was left wearing his white shirt with that black bow tie of his.

“speak of the devil, and he shall arrive.” he laughs at your remark. “missed me already?” you ask playfully, cocking your head to the side just to be extra as azrail laughed at you to which you replied with a slight stomp on the foot.

“oh fuck you that hurts.” the man glared at you, clutching his now sore foot while you just stuck out your tongue at him childishly. you only snapped out of your banter when you heard the man in front of you chuckle again.

“ah it seems like i’ve been caught red-handed.” he sighed dramatically, throwing up both his hands in mock defeat making you snicker. “would you ever be so kind as to lend this man a bit of your presence?”

“hmm, i don’t know.” you put your hand to your mouth to not make the grin creeping up to your face so obvious. “my hands are, well, currently full as of now.” turning to your co-stars waiting for you in the dressing room, you revel in the slight pout on the man’s lips. though by no means was it genuine - you know that it is all in playful jest but regardless you throw him a smile. “how about we chat some other time?” you suggest.

“delightful! i’ll see you soon then, dear!” without another word, alastor turned on his heel, waving exaggeratedly at you as you let out another laugh.

when you turn around the sight of emily and azrail grinning at you while adam sneers, you tilt your head in confusion. “what?” you ask. the first two only shrug their shoulders, seemingly speaking telepathically when their eyes met and their grins grew wider. “and you?” you turn to adam. “what’s gotten your dick up in a twist?”

“fuckin’ traitors, don’t rock!” 

you just snickered as you made your way inside the dressing room, starting to take off the accessories and putting them back in adam’s little jewelry box.

“sooo,” a voice spoke from behind you. “a date with the radio demon, huh?”

you only sighed half-heartedly when azrail has once again draped his arm over your shoulders.

“it was a lot easier than i expected. and its not a date.”

you wanted to punch that teasing shit-eating grin on his face after that.

taglist ━ open .ᐟ

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MAY ALL AVENTURINE WANTERS BE AVENTURINE HAVERS

vee is currently going through aventurine withdrawals