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I lived too long thinking the only thing that could save me was forgetting.

- i am still the girl i used to be

"Loneliness doesn't always look like sitting on a swing alone, not having anyone to push you. Loneliness doesn't always look like crying yourself to sleep and sad songs. Loneliness looks like that happy song you can't sing along with someone else. Loneliness looks like being the Belle of the ball but having them only admiring you from afar. Loneliness looks like not being included in a conversation that you could be a part of. Loneliness looks like a smile that no one returned you. Loneliness looks like dancing alone in your room, your hands aching to hold someone. Loneliness looks like a laughing crowd passing you by. Loneliness looks like the sun burning alone with no stars to accompany. Loneliness looks like happiness of other people. Loneliness kills you because you wish that they could be just as lonely and that's wrong. Loneliness kills you because you cannot see the rainbow they're taking pictures of; because you only see the dark clouds. Loneliness is wanting many things that could be yours but aren't."

-Meghana/ loneliness

In the palace of my mind

There is a chandelier.

Crafted from the shards of every shattered promise I have ever made.

(I always return to the scene of the atrocity to collect the peices left behind)

It is the most manficant thing you have ever seen.

Made up of every delicate dream and desire that was once whole.

Brilliant even if only a compilation of fractions of former glory.

It breaks the light to into a billion beams that illuminate glimmers of could have beens everywhere.

My house is glowing with the dancing rays that twist their limbs to perform every one of my mistakes over and over and over.

Moving breathtakingly across the wall, the roof, the floor, my skin like blood spatter. Warm. Spinning.

It is a mesmerizing thing to watch the possibilities play out in a trillion dazzling missed chances.

And in this way luminescence turns my home haunted house.

And I let it.

Become ghost with it.

Both the haunter

And the the haunted.

Bathed in light.

Blinded by glares the past.

and isint every holy place built on sin

birthed from the need to repent

glory be to the one

more merciful than i

perhaps i may at last be redeemed

in every way i have denied myself

~ please, grant me forgiveness, for all the things i have forgotten how to love

The light still refuses to touch me in the places you did.

The smudges of your fingerprints linger,

Shadows cling to the residue.