I Don't Think The People Around Me Understand How MUCH I WANT NIKOLAI TO BE REAL PERSON IN MY LIFE BECAUSE-

I don't think the people around me understand how MUCH I WANT NIKOLAI TO BE REAL PERSON IN MY LIFE BECAUSE-

I'm not leaving 2023 without the knowledge that one day I'll see them fall through a ceiling together.

This genre of Freddy Carter smiling like a proud little kid after filming the most gut-wrenching scenes in the entire show.

Reading people's facial expressions has never been my area of expertise but even I could tell you that the only thing going through his head is "whatamIdoingherewhatamIdoingherewhatamIdoinghere"

WHO GAVE THEM THE RIGHT TO POST THESE ON THE SAME DAY AS IF MY HEART CAN HANDLE IT

The piano scene in S2E3 is somehow talked about SO MUCH but also not enough, and I know that doesn't make sense but hear me out. Wylan has been in the Barrel for how long with nothing from his life before, only the decency he stubbornly clings to (hence why he initially refused to make bombs for Kaz, but his desperation got the better of him) and, if we use the information from the books, his flute. And we know the significance of music in Wylan's identity: he used it to hide his disability by setting whatever was read aloud to him to a melody in his head; the music room was the only place in his father's house he was ever happy in; and, in Crooked Kingdom, he recalls sitting at the piano bench with his mother, and it's one of the few memories he has of her because she "died" when he was young, so of course his memory of her is going to be a bit foggy.

Music wasn't something he got so good at to win his father's approval the way science and maths were - music was always his. It's what makes him Wylan and not Jan Van Eck's son, and being in the Barrel has tried to separate him from that part of his identity. Yes, he plays his flute in S2E1, but he plays it out of desperation. How long has it been since he's played music because of how connected he is to it, not because he needs money? It's something he yearns to do, and so when he and Jesper break into Pekka's country estate, Wylan doesn't take his eyes off the piano when he notices it - not even while Jesper is talking to him. He yearns to feel the press of the piano keys beneath his fingers, for the comfort playing music always gave him, and I think this is beautifully signified in that frame where presses the broken piano key: he so desperately wants that comfort and security, but can't have it.

Even though it looks like he sits at the piano to encourage Alby to keep playing, it's more so because he couldn't pass up the opportunity to do what he's yearned to do for so long. It's only 30ish seconds, but he loses himself in the music he plays, in that security he's sought since he first arrived in the Barrel. He's reliving sitting at the piano bench with his mother, and a show headcanon I have is that this little piece of music was something Marya taught him or wrote for him or something he wrote for her. Either way, it's made him lose himself in those happy childhood memories of him playing the piano with her.

Then that momentary peace and comfort is snatched away from him as he snaps back to reality. He's not at his father's house playing piano with his mother: he's in the Barrel, wrapped up in the company of literal criminals, and his mother's been dead since he was eight (well, we know she isn't dead, but he doesn't). His guard goes back up, and he goes back to being Wylan Hendriks, the demolitions expert keeping a privileged past and childhood traumas close to his chest, the boy who was desperate enough to start playing criminal with a band of thugs and thieves.

(gif by me, scene credits go to @/autumnspacks on ig)