I Have Been Really Going Through It With Bad Memories From My Life As Zuki Lately, Lol.

I have been really going through it with bad memories from my life as Zuki lately, lol.

So, instead, I wanna share some good memories I have so I can balance out the bad.

Since I was like an older sibling to Izuku, I would let him help me preen my wings and shit, which is a thing for mostly family [and mates]. He was one of the only ones that I allowed to do this for a long time. Eventually, others from Class 1A got added to the list of people who were allowed to even touch my wings, let alone preen them. Hikari, my queer platonic partner, was the second person who I allowed to preen my wings [of my class], we may not have been romantic, but they were still my mate. Hitoshi was the third cause he was my little brother, legally this time, lol. Toshi was the least likely to ask to preen my wings though, even after getting permission to ask, I would usually have to ask him if he wanted to help for him to feel like he could, lol [it did come from his trauma though so it's ok, love you bro]. I allowed Denki to touch my wings and tail cause it would help with his ADHD sometimes, which mood I would play with my own tail to help my ADHD, lol. There are others, but these are the ones I feel like sharing rn.

Bro, I remember hanging out with the "girls" [I use quotes cause not everyone identified as a girl/woman]. We would have "girl's night," which once again not everyone identified with that gender but it's pretty much what we would call it, lol. It was fun. We would paint each other's nails. The ones who knew makeup and shit would help those who wanted to learn. And we would just talk about shit. I miss these "girl's nights" so much.

I miss the game nights we would have as a whole class. We had to ban some games cause of how people got, lol. Monopoly was the first one to be banned, lol. We would play Uno the most, even though people got very competitive [*cough* Bakugo and me mainly *cough*]. We also had to ban truth or dare, and I will not be explaining why, I think it's obvious why. Would you rather and never have I ever were allowed though, lol.

Dadzawa and Papamic would take me, Eri, and Toshi to do fun activities, such as arts and crafts, go trick or treating, and other fun shit, lol. I would usually end up carrying Eri at some point cause she loved to be carried, and it helped with my protective instincts, lol. I would usually wrap my wings around her while holding her, and she loved it. If someone who is good at art would draw that for me, I would love it [I don't have money rn so I'm not gonna commission anyone right now, but I might when I get enough money, lol].

I would never have described myself as good with kids, and I would say that I wasn't a lot. My friends and family tended to disagree with me there. They would bring up how good I was with Eri, Kota, and a kid who is not canon. But I would bring up in response that they were all traumatized kids that I latched onto in a sibling way mainly but also cause I saw bits of myself in them and didn't want them to not have someone. Other kids I was definitely not good with. I would say I'm not really good with kids in this life, even though at the church I am forced to go to, I help with the kids, lol. Kids are kinda weird.

I remember Remo, my service dog, and despite the fact that I had been so fucking upset that I needed another being/creature with me to function, I loved him. I remember when I would have him off duty and use my quirk to become a little wolfdog with wings spirit thing and play with him, lol. I also used that to play with Hikari, whose quirk let them become certain animals, lol. It was very fun to do these things and I miss being able to do that.

I really miss everyone. I miss my life as Zuki. I miss my pack. I miss my wings. I miss my tail. I miss my ears. I miss my sharp teeth. I miss my claws. I miss being Zuki physically.

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/it/xe)

I wanna talk about the terms/identities I use for my alterhuman/nonhuman identities.

Alterhuman: I use this term as an overall and kinda a specific identity. It's like the way I use queer for myself.

Nonhuman: Same as alterhuman but more specific on the fact that I am not human. The only thing "human" about "me" is the body that I am in.

Therian: I haven't really been using this term for a while. No real reason just prefer the 2 mentioned before. I still use the symbol for this though [can't remember what it's called rn]

Otherkin: I think the only things I use from this would be calling them kintypes other than that I don't use this term. No real reason other than alterhuman and nonhuman feel better to me.

Fictionkin/Ockin: Putting these together cause all I have are ockins so far. I do use these terms but not as often as the first 2 terms/identities.

I can't think of any other terms or identities I use at this point, will update this post if I think of anymore. I'll probably try and make it clear what is the original and what would be an update.

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/it)

[Trying out it/its pronouns, this is the best place for me to do it. Cause I don't want it to be in a negative way, I want it to be positive, and I feel like here is the best place for that.]

Lol, yeah, go ahead that'd be cool as fuck tbh.

:3c

Messaging people for the first time is so hard. What am I supposed to say? Like, "You seem really odd and your blog intrigues me. Do you want to have philosophical conversations or perhaps talk about fictional characters?" What! Whatever. I will just follow you back and stare at your blog with my big beautiful brown eyes.

Cause no one else will, I am sending in my own ask to myself about memories from my life as Zuki.

This feels very weird but whatever, lol.

Y'know what, I am asking myself to mention what I remember about how I got adopted by Dadzawa and Papamic, lol.

- :3c

Lol, love this memory. This is about what led up to me actually being adopted by them. This happened sometime after moving into the dorms, not long after cause Eri wasn't around yet.

Start of the memory:

Me and Izuku were in either mine or his room, I can't quite remember which one or what exactly we were doing, I think we were just hanging out on our phones.

Anyways, Aizawa walks in to ask us something, I think [I don't remember exactly what he said, lol]. I do remember not looking up and saying something like, "What's up, dad?" Once I processed what I had said, I just went widewide-eyed and stopped doing what I was doing on my phone, and blinked a few times to try and make sense of why and how that came out of my mouth, lol.

He asked me to repeat what I said, but I (almost) didn't want to bc I was slightly embarrassed, lol, but Zuku decides to repeat it for me [thanks annoying little shit], and dad asked me something like "Would you actually want me to be your dad?" And I was like "Yeah I didn't have much of a father figure growing up, and you're a great dad to Shinso."

Dad said something about working on adopting me, and once he left the room, I turned to look at Izuku and asked something like, "Did he just say something about adopting me?" And Izu just nods before going back to what he was doing as I just stare dumbfounded at the wall of the room.

End of the memory

It's awesome and shit to look back on this memory. I'm also gonna remind people that I was 18 when this happened there, lol. The best part was Eraserhead and Present Mic were my two favorite heroes (tied for 1st favorite, lol), so to be adopted by them was amazing. I will definitely go into other memories more. What would you guys like to hear about? You can send it asks with specific questions or just a general memory question.

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/it + canine/feline/canines/felines/canineself and feline/canine/felines/canines/felineself [technically these specific pronouns were "made" by me]) :3c

Update that's probably long overdue. The memorial/funeral already happened. There were a lot of people there, so at least I know my cousin was loved and did love a lot.

Shit still sucks, I have recently dropped or been dropped from all but one class [I had three], so that's great [/sarcastic]. I am really starting to wondering if college is right for me, I will definitely be taking at least one term off and if I go back to college it will probably be a different one so I can pretty much have a fresh start. I luckily don't need a college degree to do what I want to do, which is to become a dog trainer specializing in service dogs.

I also need to try and work on getting myself a service dog, which I believe I mentioned a while ago. Motivation is so hard to find to do shit so I can actually live a somewhat "normal" life.

Sorry about the rant, life just kinda sucks rn. But there's also good shit. This is just about the bad shit rn.

Something good is I'll be going to see that side of my family again soon for a barbecue [is that spelled right? I have a specific learning disability (what it is listed as on my paperwork, lol)] so that'll be fun.

I'll actually be able to talk to my queer cousin about shit again, lol. My father and brother in this life are homophobic and transphobic and shit so that's not fun, but I do have an old cousin who is queer that I love hanging out with and wish I could hang out with more. As well as my younger cousin [who was the son of my cousin who died], he's cool to hang out with as well, lol.

My older cousin streams, but I don't know if I should say their username or not. I'll not say it for now at least.

Hope ya'll are having good days and shit! :3c

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/it mainly)

Edit: I forgot tags

[TW: Death and shit that comes with that, idk maybe more? If you find any more things that should be in this trigger warning pls tell me.]

Also, shit is happening in my life rn. I recently [on September 11th] lost my cousin, she died and we aren't sure how exactly yet. So, yeah. Death is fucking weird and I don't think I process it normally (AuDHD). So I may end up not posting for a while or might end up posting like every day.

Just sharing so ya'll know what's going on if I disappear for a while [even though I would likely do that even without this shit happening].

We aren't sure when the funeral thing is happening yet, I slightly hope it's soon so I can see my family, I don't live by that side of the family, sadly. Probably gonna end up missing like a day of college, but whatever, my family [my pack] is more important to me.

My cousin left behind a son. He is a kid. He's younger than I was when my mom in this life died. [I was like 16 when that happened, and I won't be sharing how old my 2nd cousin is]. So I really wanna see that side of my family, so I can try and be there for him. He's gonna need people there for him, and if I could without getting in trouble, I would drop out of college rn to be around him while he is going through this. (Protective wolf/dog instincts?)

There's just a lot of shit going on rn with my life, I wish it would stop for a bit.

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/xe/ze) :((

[We is referring to my family, btw]

These messages really do get a lot longer than expected, lol.

I could go into more detail about a lot of things, but then we'd probably be at this like all day, lol. While that'd be fun, it's probably better to not do that, lol.

Just want to say that you're really cool! And it's really great talking with you! I don't really have many people to talk to about all this, so it's really nice being able to ramble about memories with someone!

I just realized that I typed Shoto with the u, which he didn't have in my canon, lol. So ignore the u, I'm too lazy to go and change it, lol.

I'm glad that you told Toga Himiko that her quirk doesn't make her evil. I remember that when I first met her after the training camp [I wasn't really involved in that fight anyways], I told her that I had been called tons of names and shit because of my quirk.

I was called "Monster" "Freak" "Evil" etc.

But the one that really 'stuck' was being told that "Not even a villain would want your quirk." So, uh yeah, that sucks. They were basically saying that my quirk was so useless and bad that no one would ever want it. It's what made it easier for me to see people with "evil" or "villain" or "useless" or whatever other word people said quirks as good and deserving of love and worth so much. Quirks are really just a tool in a way. It's how someone uses it that makes the person. Quirkless people are also worth so much, and I wish that people had seen that more.

I remember giving Toga some of my blood on that day that I actually met her [this happened before I was adopted. It was like right after the dorms were made] and saying something like, "I won't let someone starve if I could help them." Cause at least in my canon, she needed to drink blood to live, so yeah. Quirk diets or whatever you wanna call them suck [I had to eat more meat and sometimes needed to eat what would essentially be raw meat, it was slightly cooked but not quite rare, but it wasn't fully raw, idk. I just know it sucked cause of being scared of how people would see me.].

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/it/hx)

Hello, I decided to come say hi and shit in an ask, lol.

I'm not good at starting conversations, but I would like to hear about any alterhuman or nonhuman experiences or memories or anything that'd you'd be willing to share!

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/it) | a fellow noncanon MHA being/creature :3c

aaa hihi!! good to hear from you, i definitely feel you on the 'bad at starting conversations' lol!

the first thing that comes to mind a memory of playing video games with Tomura and Shuichi. I wasn't very good at it, but it was good bonding and i loved playing with them. I would only play the 'silly' games like Mario Kart or Smash Bros, they got too into the 'serious' ones for me. I finished in last place every time lmao, so i mostly spent my time teasing whoever was in second place. Dabi would sit with us too sometimes, either lazily scrolling on his phone or bothering the three of us, trying to help whoever would give him the most attention lol. The others joined in sometimes too, Himiko and Jin and rarely Sho and Toshi if they were hanging out. Himiko would shriek excitedly and bump us while Jin cheered her on and cursed her out. It was good.

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to ramble lol!! Feel free to share any memories/thoughts you have :D