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Prompt -  'So this is me swallowing my pride, standing in front of you saying I’m sorry for that night.’

You felt like you could hardly sit still as you sat at a small table furthest away from the door, trying to get the most amount of privacy for the conversation that was to come. Outside the window snow fell down and you rubbed your hands together, both out of nerves and in an attempt to warm them up.

You had played and replayed how this conversation was going to go a million times over in your head, planned what to say only to scrap each idea as nothing you came up with felt good enough.

The drink you had ordered had been placed on your table only seconds before the bell jingled to announce the door opening and you barely had time to thank the waitress before your mouth went dry. As much as you wanted this conversation, as grateful as you were for it, there was another part of you that wanted to run away.

But you couldn’t run away again, not when you were being given a second chance, even if it was only to have one last conversation before living the rest of your life with regrets over what could've been.

You watched as he scanned the rooms, cheeks red from the cold, before his eyes landed on you. You hated the tension clearly readable even from across the room and how he seemed to have to force his feet to make their way over to you.

“Hi.” He greeted softly, his voice sending an ache through you and you had to force yourself to swallow past the lump in your throat as he sat in the seat across from you.

“Hey,” Your voice was just as soft as his was, if a little more obviously shaky. “Thank you for coming, I’m so glad you made time to see me.”

“Yeah, well, I,” Buck started before he trailed off and shook his head. “It’s good to see you.”

“You too.” You told him with a small smile, meaning it with every part of you. It had only been two or so weeks since you had last seen him but you had missed him more than words could say. “How is everything? How’s the 118, I haven’t seen them since-” You cut yourself off, neither you or Buck needing you to finish that sentence.

“Things are good, work’s busy but I guess it always is more hectic around the holidays.” He smiled and even though it didn’t meet his eyes you were so glad to see it. “Everyone else is good, Christopher misses you.”

“I miss him too.” Breaking up with Buck was bad but it wasn’t just him you had lost, you had lost the friendship you had made with his friends. You didn’t blame any of them for cutting you off, they were his friends first and would always be in his corner before yours but you missed them all so much.

“How’ve you been?” Buck asked and you couldn’t stop the frown that pulled at your lips because truth be told you hadn’t been great but you wouldn’t tell Buck that, not when it was your fault you were having sleepless night after sleepless night, replaying the same scene, the same conversation, over in your head a million times. You spent nights crying when the memories of weekend trips invaded your mind, summer adventures where Buck drove and you sat at his side, watching him laugh as the two of you sung loudly to the radio, remembered the nights tucked against his chest with his arms wrapped around you and feeling safer than you had ever felt in your whole life.

“I’m okay.” Was about as much as you could muster up and Buck glanced away from you for only a moment before his focus was back on you. The lump in your throat was back and you forced it down, as well as the stinging you felt in the back of your eyes.

The small talk was painful to both of you, the reason why you were here hanging heavily in the air but you were still desperately trying to think of the right thing to say. Buck’s guard was so obviously up and for good reason to. You’d hurt him, you knew he had been hurt before, left behind without a second thought and you had done the same to him.

How could you tell him the reason when you didn’t fully understand why you had done it yourself? How could you tell him that you had panicked, that he had been so perfect, so incredible, always thoughtful, always putting you first, how could you tell him that it was so serious that it had scared you.

Part of you knew he would have understood if you had handled it better, if you had sat him down and told him that this was the most serious relationship you’d ever had, that you loved him more than anything and that terrified you. For some reason you hadn’t been able to bring yourself to do that though, to handle it maturely and take a breath, instead you had walked away in a panic only to regret it every day since.

Buck had every reason to keep his distance now, he had every reason not to show up at all but you were glad he had. You loved him so much and if you ever had a second chance with the man you would never take it for granted.

You shifted in your seat, sitting up straighter and wrapped your hands around your mug just for something to do with them. The lump in your throat seemed to be stuck there but you took another breath and forced yourself to address the reason you had asked Buck to come here.

No part of you was expecting him to take you back but you at least owed him an explanation. People were good at leaving Buck without one and after all the goodness and kindness he had treated you with he at least deserved a reason, he deserved to not spend anymore nights blaming himself and wondering what had gone wrong.

“I’m sorry,” you began and watched as Buck sat up straighter too, his eyes wide and sad as he looked at you and you felt your heart ache. “I’m sorry for that night, Buck. I regret it more than I’ve regretted anything.”

“Why?” Was all Buck was able to choke out and seeing the tears in his eyes made yours sting.

“I wish there was a good reason, Buck. I wish I could tell you something that doesn’t sound as pathetic as the truth.” You told him, voice cracking as you spoke and your grip on the mug tightened.

“Just tell me, Y/N/N, I need to know because I have spent every night agonising over what I did wrong.” He forced out, a single tear sliding down his cheek but he made no move to wipe it away. “I thought we were good.”

“We were, Buck. I promise you, if you don’t believe anything else I say believe this, you were perfect. You were so much more that I could ever ask for, so much more than I deserve and it terrified me. It terrified me Buck because I have never felt this way about anyone in my whole life and I didn’t know how to handle it. I didn’t know what to do with the fact that I love you Buck, I love you so much and I’m not saying this to win you back, I know I hurt you and that, that is unforgivable because you were nothing but amazing and you didn’t deserve me walking out on you and for that, Buck, I am so sorry.” By the end of the short speech tears were sliding down both your cheeks and you were glad you had sat at the back in the far corner of the room, grateful for the privacy.

“Y/N,” Buck whispered but couldn’t seem to say anything else and you smiled at him, a smile filled with sadness and regret.

“I’m so, so sorry, Buck.” You repeated shakily, “I said this wasn’t me trying to get you back and I meant that but I have spent every night since that night regretting not just talking to you, every night missing you more than anything. If I could go back and change it, go back and just talk to you, God Buck, I'd do it in a heartbeat and I’d understand you never wanting to see me again, to walk away and be done with me-”

“I love you too, Y/N/N.” Buck told you softly, cutting off whatever you were going to say next and you were glad for the interruption both because you had no idea what you were actually saying, the words just falling out of you, but also because you got to hear Buck tell you he loved you for the first time. “I love you so much and trust me I was scared too, hell Bobby and Eddie can tell you how many nights I kept them up talking about it so I get it, I just wished you’d talked to me before leaving.”

The two of you were sat with tears falling down your cheeks, looking at one another with love, sadness, hope, as well a whole mix of other emotions. Despite not knowing what was going to happen, for the first time since you’d left Buck you felt like you could breathe again, like the weight that had been sitting on your chest for weeks was finally gone and you couldn’t help but smile at Buck.

“I wish I could change how I handled it.” You told him softly and he just smiled back at you, reaching across the table and gently pried your hand off the mug to wrap in his hand, his thumb brushing gently against your knuckles.

“Promise me that next time you’ll just talk to me, Y/N. I can’t handle you walking away again.” Buck told you and your eyebrows knitted together before his words fully registered and your eyes widened.

“Next time? Buck I-”

“You were scared and overwhelmed and didn’t know how to handle it. I told you I get it but we have to talk about these things, I don’t want to lose you.” Buck cut you off and you couldn’t help but smile at his words even as more tears filled your eyes.  

“I promise, Buck.” You told him sincerely, still in disbelief that he was so open to fixing things, to not holding your mistake against you.

God, you loved him so much.

“Good because these last few weeks have been hell.” He laughed even as a few more tears slid down his cheeks. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“I’ve missed you too, Buck.” You said softly and the two of you just sat there for a moment longer, unable to look away from each other, unable to stop smiling as you did.

You might not have been able to go back in time, back to that first week of December where you had walked out of Buck’s apartment with tears sliding down your cheeks, but somehow you were here now with Buck, Buck who had the biggest heart you knew, Buck who would bend over backwards to help anyone, Buck who had the capacity to forgive no matter how many times he got hurt.

You swore to yourself as you squeezed the hand still holding yours that you would never take him for granted, would never let another day go by you don’t tell him you loved him, would never mess up your second chance with Buck.

______

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Does anybody else ship Buck and Eddie

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