Afraid Of His Shadow - Tumblr Posts

I've finished writing my current work in progress, and now it is time for editing. Which means that I once again am reminded why I always avoid editing

So I finished the first round of editing on the first book of my WIP trilogy. Absolutely relieved it's over - now on to the next thing! The second round of editing. So that's great.

Did a random animation because I am still figuring out Procreate Dreams. This is a metaphorical representation of a random side effect of using a blood magic in my current WIP - whatever color your eyes were, they get redder and brighter. One character's eyes are bright orange, like this animation. I have another animation in progress that also shows this effect a bit, but who knows when I'll finish it because it is far more complicated than this one was.

This is incredibly accurate

editing is so fun. I'm learning what the story I wrote is about

My current WIP (still editing. Yay.) is very tied to colors and visuals in a way that I have always thought it would be better suited to being a comic. However, I do not have the time to make it a comic. But it and all its offshoots have very strong color connotations that I think would be useful to see. For example, the unwritten prequel to my trilogy has a duo, Winston and Liam, who are represented by dark blue and fire orange, respectively. While these are literally present (Winston works with blue clock steel and Liam has heavy affiliations with firelight) these are also metaphorical, and show up in the themes of the story.

The dark blue is a kind of association with respect (think navy blue in officers' uniforms) and shadows (think underground organizations). At least, that's how I feel about it. And the interplay between those two is a big theme in the book, and Winston is on both sides at different times.

Fire orange is still affiliated with night, since fire is used as a light source, but also sunrise and sunset. I think of it representing passion, also. But also destruction. The interplay between passion and warmth vs. consuming fire is something Liam shows.

And each of the books has similar color associations. The one I am currently editing has primarily black and white associations, which I use to denote secrecy vs. openness and isolation vs. connection, and even influence vs. intentionally removing oneself from being influential. All of these things are things I would love to put in front of your eyes visually, and the way I have to get those colors in via a text-only medium has to strike a balance where it isn't just me constantly being like "that guy is associated with the color purple".

Character Songs

I've had the idea to write songs for each of my MC's in my current WIP. Once again, procrastinating that editing. Problem is, I'm not very musical, but I am channeling what musical theater knowledge I have to do it. Really different genres for all of them, though, which is a big part of the fun. Are there any characters for whom you strongly associate some music genre? Or a song in particular?

In regards to the character songs I have been working on (by the way I am not a songwriter this is just for fun) they have really taken me by surprise. For example, one turned out to be some kind of anxiety rap. Another turned into this long thing that I can't get out of my head (I guess I find it catchy). That one is Tye's, and since he is raven themed, so is the song. I feel like talking about that, so I will.

So the nursery rhyme "One for Sorrow" has inspired a lot of people and a lot of things. It's an old rhyme, so it's been around. There are even multiple versions of it, though they are somewhat similar. The idea behind the rhyme is that the number of magpies (yes, originally it seems it was magpies) would indicate something positive or negative. One and two are very established - one is BAD. Two is GOOD. One for sorrow, two for joy. This actually has roots in some actual bird behavior because a lone magpie means something about bad weather, I think, so it actually does hold that seeing single magpies is a bad sign compared to dual magpie action.

Now not everyone has magpies, but the practice of counting corvids holds true across a broader geographic range. So people "counting crows" is a part of that, though often in North America, people are looking at Ravens. It all falls into the same category, really.

I really find this a compelling concept because it really has a vibe. A single raven signifying sorrow? Poe loves it, too. The band Counting Crows obviously agrees with me. So Tye as a character is kind of the 'lone raven', and has to come to terms with the fact that he can't ever signal anything but sorrow: he can't ever be two ravens, so he'll never signal joy.

He also has a sort of obsession with counting crows (backstory reasons). As such, the song has several references to specific numbers of ravens. They also often vascillate between good and bad omens if you take away or add just one, so that's a repeated theme in the song. One verse goes "Five ravens, one flew down. I begged him not to do it, may as well have made no sound". For those of you with some familiarity of the rhyme, you may wonder why he's begging that one raven to stay - it's because in an earlier version of the poem, it reads "Three for a wedding, four for a death", so when it was five ravens, the omen was just about silver. With one fewer, it signals death.

If anyone has any interest in the lyrics I wrote, maybe I'll post them. Maybe I'll record the actual song, too, we'll see

So I am aroace, and that shows up more prominently than I consciously intend in my writing. Which is to say that I have no problem with romance in stories and no theoretical problem with writing it myself, I just have very little to say about romantic relationships as compared to other kinds of relationships. I do think I have a unique perspective because I don't have all that sexual and romantic attraction muddying the waters, but really the main reason I focus on mostly platonic relationships is that I love them. I want to have close friends and repeated acquaintances (like my baristas, for the several coffee shops I am a regular at, who I don't know well enough to call friends but that brighten my day).

I have a previous post about inseparable duos, and while I do think some of these are romantic (and that can be very worthwhile to depict) the ones I have in my writing tend to be shades of platonic. I have Tye and Gio, Rowan and Sanc, and Kel and Dale. They are, respectively: the best of friends who have a deep understanding through similar trauma, mutual mentors (that bit's complicated) and accidental found father and son, and a slightly undefined pair that will follow each other anywhere, mutually protecting and trusting each other. I also have Liam and Winston (in a barely started book on the backburner), a set of childhood friends who fall further and further into different social circles and eventually different sides of the start of a kind-of war, but don't let it get between them.

Now, all of these I would say are more complicated and nuanced than your average friendship, and they're kind of hard even to explain, which is part of why I explore them in my writing. All of them also are kind of meant to fly in the face of the assumption that romance is the deepest kind of relationship. There are deep interconnected romances, but two people being "more than friends" makes no sense. More than two people who will always be there for each other, always seeking to accommodate each other through the rougher moments of dealing with trauma, being willing to do anything to ensure the other's wellbeing? More than two people who have spent much of their lives trying to teach each other how to live, how to move past mistakes, how to accept themselves for who they are? More than two people who trust each other so implicitly that they will open their minds to each other in such a way that permits no secrets, showing each other every emotion and embarrassing memory without worrying that their relationship would waver? I just don't see how you could have 'more'. Different, yes. And other kinds of relationships are also good. But don't put down these platonic relationships as if they are lesser.

So yeah, as someone who does not want any romantic relationship, I want to explore all the different ways people can be close, even incredibly close, without romance. For other people, who want romance, I wish you luck in finding in. But don't put down platonic relationships.

"That looks kind of like a friend of mine – is it a bear?"

Fate?

In writing, especially with magic systems, the question of fate comes into play. Any character who can see the future or interact with the past kind of brings this up. Is what they see guaranteed to happen, or something that can change? Is what they changed going to change the present, or will it bring about what has already happened?

In my current WIP I have two subtypes of fate: Soft Fate and Hard Fate, for the purpose of discussion. Different magic interacts with different ones. Soft Fate is going to happen, unless some particular thing changes the Soft Fate. Hard Fate cannot be changed. It will happen. As such, Hard Fate sometimes contradicts with Soft Fate at times, because the Soft Fate is going to change.

That's obviously confusing, but basically what I am getting at is that, in this world, there is Hard Fate, which is immutable, but if you're seeing the future, you don't typically see that path. You see Soft Fate when you glimpse the future. As part of that, if you see something and want to change it, you will have to use some kind of magic that has the capacity to change that.

It is also really uncommon to be able to see into the Hard Fated Future. Most people who are seeing the future can then change that future. One person in the story has a limited ability to see the Hard Fated Future, though this is never really explicitly understood within the story: Tye can see signs of the very near future (in the form of Ravens, by the way).

There is one character who sacrifices part of his ability to use magic in exchange for writing something into Soft Fate. That one in particular would require some serious magic to undo.

One character could actually change which path she had taken. As in, she could go to a version of things where she had made a different decision in the near past. As such, she could avoid the consequences of bad decisions she had made.

I would be interested to see how other people handle the question of fate. If you have any future-seeing abilities in your world, how do they work? I know I have seen where the future is guaranteed all the time, and I have also seen where the future-seeing is essentially just a really good intuition that can easily be tricked or perhaps even clouded. Do you find one of these more compelling, or another option I haven't thought of?

The Harbinger

“Being the Harbinger should put you at a level of respect with the Healer and the Judge, in my opinion. You’re as powerful as them, maybe more,” Catrin said. He said this seemingly out of nowhere. The two of them were spending time together in the garden, and they had been silent until that point. Yoruth was enjoying the time more so perhaps than any other moment in his life. He never wanted it to end.

“There is an excellent logic to why it does not command such a respect,” Yoruth said.

“Oh? And what logic could possibly be excellent enough to warrant a relative disrespect of the only man on earth who can see exactly what will come to pass, with no error or inaccuracy?” Catrin challenged. He scuffed his boot to tear a weed from the ground and looked at Yoruth, waiting for the explanation.

“Well, have you ever considered that I see what will come to pass, no matter what efforts anyone might make? I know these things, I see them, but if they are intolerable I can do nothing to stop them,” Yoruth explained.

“Surely there must be a way,” Catrin said.

“If there was, then I would be on a level with any paltry diviner. But any effort I make to prevent a future from happening will only feed into the continuation of that future. And if I accept the future, then that, too will bring the future about. I simply know exactly what will happen, including any efforts made to stop them.”

“And what is it like?”

“Oh, the seeing? It is like being there. I can know as clearly as I can be in the time I am in. I need only look. Even time seems to pass as if I were in that future, but I can always return, and no time has passed at all.”

“And in that experience, can you not attempt something different?”

“I suppose I might. I won’t necessarily remember all that I have tried, but even as fruitless as all that effort may be, I suppose I could try. I would if I needed to.”

“Ah, we pray that you never need to. Do you see any tragedy?”

“Not here, no. I saw the downfall of a great many to the west of here, which would have already come to pass, but not here. Not yet, at least.”

“Why did you not warn them?”

“I did, of course,” Yoruth said. He bent down to put his hand around a flower, pressing his nose to it to smell it – it was in full bloom, fragrant, and beautiful. He saw its eventual death, but that only seemed to sweeten this small moment. Perhaps the tragedy of endings sweetens the beauty of the present? It is better because it must end, Yoruth thought, though the ending was never any more pleasant.

“Yet you are sure it came to pass,” Catrin said, standing over Yoruth.

“Of course,” Yoruth said, standing once more. “All I see comes to pass. My warnings only serve to allow someone to mentally prepare for their future, not to change it. I told the Commander himself, who is more broadly being called the Wolf these days. He brushed aside the warning, so I told some others also. None of it will matter. Some will survive, many will die. Some will only survive in the short term, just the battle. And the world will change.”

“Change how?” Catrin asked, running his hand along a strand of grass to collect its seeds.

“In unpleasant ways. A sundering, in several senses of the word. Sundering of souls from body, of power from power, of society.”

“Will it reach this place?” Catrin asked.

“Yes. It will reach this place.”

“When?”

“It will do you only harm to know. Let us enjoy this moment. We will have others, but perhaps none as sweet as this.”

…

Several weeks later, the constant badgering and complaints about shadow magic came to a crescendo. The island gathered and spoke against the practice of the magic, banning it entirely. Of course, in the case of many, that would be rather vague. Yoruth, for one, could not be detected using his magic. Except of course his shadow form, which was an unsettling creature with the body of a great bird and a human head. Others might be more effected, but ultimately, it was a measure to ensure that those without shadow magic felt safe.

Catrin was not a shadow caster, but he felt it unfair to ban the magic his friend had only used for the good of others.

“This is an unfair thing to do,” he would say to anyone who would listen. “What have Yoruth and the others ever done?”

“Oh, he has done plenty,” said one woman. “Every bad thing he says comes true, no matter what I do. He’s cursing us,” she said.

“No, he isn’t. He isn’t able to change the truth and neither are you. He only reveals the truth.”

“I wish he wouldn’t, so it wouldn’t be hanging over me,” the woman said.

“It’s not Yoruth, not really,” said a man. “It’s shadow magic. Not Yoruth’s fault, but he has an awful magic that poisons the earth.”

“It never once did, until all this negativity came into being,” Catrin said.

“Nevertheless, can’t have all my plants dying, can I?”

Another man, a bit older than the last: “Well, it’s not so much that Yoruth is an issue. Or the others, really. It’s just that if we become known for our acceptance of shadow casters, they’ll all come flocking, and then we’d have a problem. We can’t support them, and they’d steal all the resources from the rest of us. It’s them coming here that’s the problem. And not just for us, for them, too.”

“And you believe they don’t deserve sanctuary anywhere on earth?” Catrin asked.

“Oh, somewhere – it only cannot be here. We cannot support them, so none of them should come. Some coming over would be a slippery slope.”

Catrin continued to try, but he soon realized that his efforts were fruitless. He kept himself appraised of the news, and tried to use that knowledge to show the destruction being caused by all of them, but they wouldn’t listen.

“The Healer is dead. He has been killed. And he is the Healer, the most respected mantle of all time. He was killed. And he would not have found sanctuary here. Perhaps if he had, he would be alive and able to help us all work to fix this issue. At the very least, we would have good medical care!” Catrin said on a street corner.

“We didn’t kill him, though, did we? So it’s not really our fault. Just unfortunate,” a man said as he passed.

Catrin told Yoruth all about his struggles, and Yoruth nodded. Unfortunately, he had known that these efforts would fail. He also knew that similar efforts would also fail. Truly the inexcusable actions of a few had poisoned the reputation of the many. There was no going back from that, it seemed, and things would need to get worse before they got better.

“Are the others, like you, are they all going to die?” Catrin asked, exhaustion and the grief of ongoing failure crossing his face.

“No, not all,” Yoruth said, smiling grimly as he handed a mug of tea to Catrin. “Many, though.”

“Who? Will they all be killed?”

“Are you sure you want that answer?” Yoruth asked.

“Yes, I must have it.”

“The Plantwright is to starve herself, trying to repair the dead fields, promising she would not eat again until it was from the field she was working on. That field will not produce for many years after her death is forgotten.

“The Reckoner is, even now, being hunted. She has the power to change things, unlike me, but I can see everything she will change, and she will eventually be caught, and killed. The Steelwright will die many times, his deaths undone by the Reckoner, and he will die a final time after watching her be killed.

“The Commander died in the battle, as I told him he would. He was set to agony by a man named Liam. He was killed by the same one who will kill the Reckoner. There is nothing any of us can do to stop him.

“The Healer died by his own oath: never to harm. He could have defended himself, but he defended his patients. Without his care, those patients also died, except one, who will go on to live a life of sorrow, never knowing why his caretaker was killed, or why his mother died next to him.

“The Bookwright will lock herself away, recording all she can with her pen and her hand scrawling details she never knew. She will record most of this era of pain, before her hand will write of her own discovery and death, and the book she wrote will be destroyed by the orchestrator of this all.

“The Stonewright will be thrown from a great height, which he will survive. And yet he will die when his works, deemed evil and profane, are thrown from the same height and onto him.

“And I will die-”

“Stop.”

“Sorry?” Yoruth asked, interrupted from his seeing.

“I do not want to know how you will die,” Catrin said. “Who will live?”

“Oh, about half. They will be successful in hiding. The Patriarch will be among them, dying of an illness after denying his friendship to the Crystalwright.”

“All of these are so incredibly sad. How do you handle it all?” Catrin said.

“It was a learned thing. I started knowing of many deaths, in detail, when I was young. So I have practice. The first fate I learned was of the Soulwright,” Yoruth said, thinking back.

“And what happens to him? Another victim of all of this?” Catrin asked.

“No, no – he, then she, then she, then he, and all of them for generations will die as children, just as their power is manifesting. The power will sunder several years from now, but then each will die separately in the same manner – being hunted by various hired assassins.”

“Oh, Yoruth, you have known that this whole time? That is what is in your mind?” Catrin said, pityingly.

“Not only that. A great many good things, too. But those wane with time as we enter a darker age. I should say that my successors may be haunted by an even greater darkness for some time, sorrow more consistent than sorrow should be.”

“Do you know that for certain?” Catrin asked.

“No. No, that one is a guess. I can see none of my successors. Perhaps they shall be happy.”

…

Some months later, and Yoruth had been stepping outside less and less. He had seen increasingly hostile looks and seemed to be unwelcome anywhere, so he went nowhere. Catrin had been kind enough to help him get what he needed, but of course, Catrin’s association with him had marked Catrin for hatred, also. So eventually Catrin took as much food and water as he could and holed up with Yoruth in the hope of waiting out the harsh feelings. Yoruth had no such hope, but allowed Catrin to have it.

And then, the day came. The sun rose as any other day, but it seemed redder to Yoruth, with his knowledge of what it would bring.

Knocks on the door were the start. Yoruth and Catrin did not answer, but the knocks grew more insistent, to the point that Yoruth knew they were not knocks made with hands, but knocks made with axes. It was not to be long, then. Yoruth, doomed, held a knife. He would try, do his best to save Catrin. He would fail.

The door burst open, and Catrin stood in front of Yoruth to block the path between the angry mob and their target. The axes and torches were too much for a singular knife, and Yoruth watched as his best friend fell at their hands, victim due only to his unwavering friendship and for no wrongdoing.

Yoruth saw all of their deaths. The people in the crowd would die in a variety of ways. One of them, by Yoruth’s hand. Just the one who had landed the killing blow on Catrin.

Yoruth saw himself pushing his knife into the man’s neck, which would kill him. But before it did, the others descended on Yoruth. Yoruth knew that if he cast his shadow, he could survive a few moments longer – but he didn’t want to. He wanted to save Catrin, to find some way to prevent his death, fruitless as it might be. Whatever previous attempts he might have made, this one was not fruitful, and the shear fact that he was still doing this meant that none of them had been. He would have to repeat what he assumed he had done many times before.

Yoruth voluntarily forgot all that he had learned in the months of looking into this future. Then, if he was lucky, he would be able to stumble upon a decision that would change the outcome as he looked again. He didn’t think it was possible. But even fruitless, he had to try. To him, it would be an endless loop for all eternity – he would never give up. But for the rest, this horrid fate would continue on, and Yoruth and Catrin would die.

As he forgot what he had learned, he found himself once more, in the garden, with Catrin. An eternal moment of silence, of bliss. And he began looking once again into the grim future, trying to find a path to get at least Catrin out of this alive.

So the Werewoof Undies novella is fully posted now, complete with Epilogue. Carla gets her story told in the novel I have on the backburner, Werewolf Underground. That novel is not campy, and is far more serious and dark and deals with the harsher parts of the world I built for Werewoof Undies. I probably won't post that whole thing here, but I will eventually finish it and we'll see what I do with it.

In other news, my current WIP, the trilogy, is coming along. I have a friend helping me edit the first book, Afraid of His Shadow, while I just finished first pass editing (and adding 16k words to) the second book, A Shadow so Bright. I've started looking through the third book, which I think is pretty rough right now. So basically, this is still going to take quite a while, but we've got real progress happening!

By the way Afraid of His Shadow was originally meant to be one book. I then realized it needed a second, then a third, forming the trilogy. Then I realized it needed a 2 part prequel, then I saw a need for a 2 part sequel. So it's gotten large. Easily one of the biggest creative endeavors to date and my largest and most lore-dense worlds with some characters I cannot help but think about all the time.

I definitely don't have like at least 7 of these kinds of pairings in my current WIP...

hey bro can we like adopt paralleling themes and symbolize opposites but in a two sides of the same coin kind of way? it doesn’t have to be weird. wait what do you mean thats gay

In Afraid of His Shadow, I have a Blue and Green, in the sequel is Black and White, the last in that trilogy is Red and Violet. In a prequel to that trilogy I have Deep Blue and Fire Orange. I also have one which is just Magenta and Magenta (They have a two pieces of one whole thing going on)

Look I understand the design impact of Black & White or Red & Blue as much as the next person

But we NEED more options for color coding our paired romantic leads

Sanc and Rowan