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Insecurities (Eris x reader)

A/n: random, completely winging this, typed from my phone, please excuse and mistakes definitely not proof read. Prob a bad title too.

Ok so you and Eris are mates and he is about to try to kill Beron.

masterlist

⚠️: none?

word count: 1371

You knew your mate was worried; he never closed off his side of the bond unless he thought it was necessary. And Eris almost never thought it was necessary. But with less than a week until Eris planned to kill Beron, you knew he was insecure. But you didn’t know how insecure, so you wrapped up your long meeting with the ambassadors and quickly hurried t your shared room

When you opened the door to your room you were not expecting a ring of fire surrounded Eris and your mate on his knees, body covered with fire.

You hesitated, you were from the Dawn Court and your wings were definitely not immune to fire, nor was your body. Beron had only allowed the marriage because you were Thesan’s cousin and it would secure an alliance with the Dawn Court. But Beron didn’t know you were mates as Eris took great care to hide that. Beron hadn’t threatened you because that would put his alliance on thin ice. Unfortunately being Eris’ mate didn’t make you immune to fire.

You circled around so Eris could see you and started to reach a hand out towards the fire. Eris glanced up, his face stone cold and eyes guarded.

“Leave Y/n, please just leave me alone.”

You would do no such thing, even as his words hit your heart right where your own insecurities were. Does he still want me? Will he stop loving me one day? What if I'm not enough? You pushed the thoughts aside and focused on your mate. Slowly you took a step towards the fire. Another. Another. Until you were right in front of the fire, you could feel the heat of the fire, but it wasn't too hot. So you took another step, the fire immediately split around you.

Eris lifted his head and frowned at the fire as if it had a mind of its own. The fire surrounding his body retreated as you slowly pulled him into you. His back against your chest, one of your arms resting over his sternum, the other arm tangled in his hair. He was so tense that you leaned forward and whispered words in his ear.

"My mate, it may not be fine now but you will grow and heal and it will be better than fine. I love you and nothing you do will ever change that, you are good, you are kind and respectful and have never treated me with anything but. I am yours and you are mine and I love you. I love every part of you and I always will."

Eris hesitated to relax into you and you knew it was because he didn't want anyone to see him like this. Vulnerable and raw. You continued stroking his hair and occasionally whispered soft reassurances in his ear.

But he stiffened suddenly and sat up, not meeting your eyes, shutting you out. "I thought I told you to leave Y/n, if you can't follow that order at least shut the hell up and stop touching me! I can't stand it, you're so needy and you're always demanding something from me. Just go away, let me have a day of peace!"

Eris turned away from you as his words struck your heart deep, but you didn't go. You sat by him for the next few hours as he shouted things at you that went straight through your walls and to your heart. But you stayed and when he fell asleep you picked him up in your arms and set him on the bed. Tucking him in, you glanced at the clock. It was 6am. Shit, you were both already late for your morning meetings.

You left the room with a concerned glance at your mate even as you wondered if he meant his words. You went to his meeting in the night court first and when you got there a dagger was at your throat.

"Who are you? What have you done with Eris?"

You looked up to see the spymaster, you grimaced, "Eris is fine and I am his mate here to meet with the high lord in his place."

The spymaster hesitated before leading you to a meeting room already filled with the night court inner circle. You got straight to the point, "Alright first things first, I don't know when my mate will make his move but I can say with certainty that it will be in less than a week. Eris is stressed and tired and please to not pressure him, I'm not doing much better but I am already late to a meeting with the captain of Eris' loyal soldiers. So please excuse my mate and let him rest."

Everyone stared at you with shock before Rhysand nodded, "Tell Eris to come meet with us when he is ready, we have the supplies he asked for. And you can go meet with the captain and after that I think you should get some rest."

You smiled at him and nodded, "thank you high lord" before you winnowed out to another meeting.

You gave the captain a similar speech and he nodded. "Tell the Heir to get rest; he can't defeat Beron without strength, and tell him to come at least 5 hours before he makes his move. We need a heads up to be ready. Thank you mi'lady, but may I suggest you cancel the rest fo the meetings today?"

You laughed, "Why is everyone so worried about me? I'm not the one about to attempt overthrowing the throne! And captain, my next meeting is in the night, I should be good. Plus how many times do I have to say you can call me Y/n?

The captain and his soldiers stared at you until one spoke up. "I don't mean to be rude Y/n but have you looked at yourself recently?"

You blinked at the soldiers before nodding, "I suppose I should do that. Thank you."

When you got back to your room Eris was awake and eating breakfast at the desk while reading reports. He glanced up and his face was so cold and devoid of emotion that all your insecurities from his words the night before came rushing back. You stopped at his side and he pulled you into his lap stiffly.

Eventually you dared to speak, "I... did you mean what you said last night? Am I really needy and demanding?"

He stared down at you, expression softening immediately. "No I didn't sweetheart, I had a long day of work and you know what's coming up but I'm sorry, I shouldn't have taken it out on you. You are all I could ask for in a mate, you do everything for me and ask for nothing in return. You stayed even when I told you to go because you know me and knew I didn't mean it. But I'm willing to bet everything I said hurt you, and I'm infinitely sorry for that. I will make it up in every way if you can forgive me."

You smiled at Eris, expression slightly pained but you nodded. "I will forgive you Eris Vanserra, and I know my cracked heart will heal eventually, with your help." Eris's answering smile was as bright as the sun. "I also met with the night court," Eris stiffened and you quickly added, "Rhysand wishes to meet with you when you're ready and the Captain needs you to notify him at least 5 hours before you know what so he can get his troops ready. They both told me to sleep as well but I don't understand why...."

Eris looked at you amused and stood up, carrying you to the full body mirror. You blinked at your reflection. There were dark circles under your eyes, your hair was unkempt, you clothes were singed at the edges and there was a little cut on your neck from where the spymaster had held a knife to your throat. You gaped at yourself.

Eris kissed the top of your head, "sleep my little fox, I will be here when you wake and I can start my apology." Your body heated but you smiled at him and drifted into unconscious.

A/n: hope you enjoyed! Constructive criticism, comments, likes and reblogs are appreciated. I swear I actually look at them