Shameless Reblog - Tumblr Posts
Little thingy thing thing for my mandem @monsonata, they were an absolute delight to draw and holy shit I can't get enough of them

wait I actually liked reading this. I never like reading my own fics, what happened to my self hatred?
Book Boyfriends (Xaden x reader)
a/n: random midnight thoughts. Completely random on my phone, not proof read. Just finished fourth wing! Also I have 7 drafts I can’t seem to finish.
⚠️: none?
wc: 640
masterlist
Xaden growled as you shifted again, there was no fucking way he could sleep with you lying on top of him constantly shifting while reading a fictional book. He wondered what in the book made you squirm every few minutes. A plan forms as the gears in his mind start turning, and he grins because if he does this, you will be mad beyond measure. The first rule of dating you was, do not touch my books unless I give you explicit permission. Oh my was he going to break that rule (the only rule).
Xaden surged up, faster than you could react and pulled the book from your hands. Opening it fully, he started at the top of your current page, dimly registering your curses as you tried to pull the book from his grasp.
“His mouth found mine, the kiss open-”
The book was snatched from Xaden’s grip and he was faced with the face of his (currently very mad) girlfriend.
“What the actual fuck Xaden? You know my books are the one thing nobody is allowed to touch! Why in the world would you do that?”
Suddenly Xaden felt immensely guilty and he sat up, arms reaching for your stiff body. He remembered how you’d followed all his rules and didn’t push him to open up. Instead asking politely and waiting for him to meet you halfway. Xaden’s amused face instantly turned into one of regret.
“I’m so sorry y/n, I just wanted to know what you were so engrossed in and why you were squirming constantly right on top of my waist!”
You must have sensed the genuine apology and your eyes softened slightly but you said nothing, just putting the book on top of the bag you’d brought to his room. Sighing you turned to face him, “Xaden, I think it’s time to tell you why the books are so important. I know you’re going to say I don’t have to and I know I don’t. But I want to, I trust you.”
Picking up another book from your bag you flipped through it with a loving smile on your face. Xaden’s heart melted at the sight and he felt a little better. “These books are not from our world, that’s why their covers are so colorful. My dad told me that his great grandfather’s signet was to create a portal to another world. I won’t bore you with the details but the point is, these are the only books of their kind, at least in this world and the only possessions that I have from my dad. Now that you know, you can touch them, but please Xaden. Be careful.”
Xaden smiled at you, of course you would care for things like this, and since you cared, he did to. “I will, and I’m sorry about the stunt I pulled. I just wanted to know.” He opened his arms again, in a silent offer of apology.
You smiled at him and jumped into his arms, “just so you know wingleader, I was reading about my book boyfriend. His name is Rhysand, Rhys for short, Rhysie for shorter.”
You could fell Xaden stiffen against your body as you both lay down to sleep. “What the fuck is a book boyfriend? Aren’t I your only boyfriend?”
You chuckled, flicking his nose, “a book boyfriend is someone in a book that I would wish to be like my boyfriend in real life. And no, you’re not my only boyfriend, just the only real one.”
Xaden grumbles, obviously not happy with the arrangement. He hugs you to his chest, “I’m better and hotter than anyone you could dream of so I think I’d be the only boyfriend needed.”
You just laughed, snuggling into his chest and mumbling, “you tell yourself that.”
Xaden growls. “Rhysie isint even shorter than Rhys.”
You just snort out a laugh.
a/n: ill try to finish my 7 drafts but my last year of hs is starting! So yeah, not much time. Also I fell all my writing is shitty so, goodnight!
Masterlist
Requests are usually open during summers. I write for most SJM universes and Harry Potter and I’m willing to try any others unless I haven’t read/watched it. Please leave comments and enjoy!
Taglist
ACOTAR
Azriel
Love of My Life Part 2 Part 3 (angst, angst, angst)
Eris
Insecurities (angst)
Share (mostly fluff)
Lucien
Left behind Part 2 Part 3 epilogue (angst and fluff)
Poly
Unplanned (Batboys & Eris x reader)(fluff)
A New Beginning (Platonic IC)(fluff)
Impossible prologue one two (Azris x reader)
Not sure who to pair with
Assistant
Fourth Wing
Xaden
Book Boyfriends (angst)
Harry Potter & Company
Theodore Nott
Stuck Together (little angst if you squint and fluff)
Remus Lupin
7 years In Love (angst, fluff)
Insecurities (Eris x reader)
A/n: random, completely winging this, typed from my phone, please excuse and mistakes definitely not proof read. Prob a bad title too.
Ok so you and Eris are mates and he is about to try to kill Beron.
masterlist
⚠️: none?
word count: 1371

You knew your mate was worried; he never closed off his side of the bond unless he thought it was necessary. And Eris almost never thought it was necessary. But with less than a week until Eris planned to kill Beron, you knew he was insecure. But you didn’t know how insecure, so you wrapped up your long meeting with the ambassadors and quickly hurried t your shared room
When you opened the door to your room you were not expecting a ring of fire surrounded Eris and your mate on his knees, body covered with fire.
You hesitated, you were from the Dawn Court and your wings were definitely not immune to fire, nor was your body. Beron had only allowed the marriage because you were Thesan’s cousin and it would secure an alliance with the Dawn Court. But Beron didn’t know you were mates as Eris took great care to hide that. Beron hadn’t threatened you because that would put his alliance on thin ice. Unfortunately being Eris’ mate didn’t make you immune to fire.
You circled around so Eris could see you and started to reach a hand out towards the fire. Eris glanced up, his face stone cold and eyes guarded.
“Leave Y/n, please just leave me alone.”
You would do no such thing, even as his words hit your heart right where your own insecurities were. Does he still want me? Will he stop loving me one day? What if I'm not enough? You pushed the thoughts aside and focused on your mate. Slowly you took a step towards the fire. Another. Another. Until you were right in front of the fire, you could feel the heat of the fire, but it wasn't too hot. So you took another step, the fire immediately split around you.
Eris lifted his head and frowned at the fire as if it had a mind of its own. The fire surrounding his body retreated as you slowly pulled him into you. His back against your chest, one of your arms resting over his sternum, the other arm tangled in his hair. He was so tense that you leaned forward and whispered words in his ear.
"My mate, it may not be fine now but you will grow and heal and it will be better than fine. I love you and nothing you do will ever change that, you are good, you are kind and respectful and have never treated me with anything but. I am yours and you are mine and I love you. I love every part of you and I always will."
Eris hesitated to relax into you and you knew it was because he didn't want anyone to see him like this. Vulnerable and raw. You continued stroking his hair and occasionally whispered soft reassurances in his ear.
But he stiffened suddenly and sat up, not meeting your eyes, shutting you out. "I thought I told you to leave Y/n, if you can't follow that order at least shut the hell up and stop touching me! I can't stand it, you're so needy and you're always demanding something from me. Just go away, let me have a day of peace!"
Eris turned away from you as his words struck your heart deep, but you didn't go. You sat by him for the next few hours as he shouted things at you that went straight through your walls and to your heart. But you stayed and when he fell asleep you picked him up in your arms and set him on the bed. Tucking him in, you glanced at the clock. It was 6am. Shit, you were both already late for your morning meetings.
You left the room with a concerned glance at your mate even as you wondered if he meant his words. You went to his meeting in the night court first and when you got there a dagger was at your throat.
"Who are you? What have you done with Eris?"
You looked up to see the spymaster, you grimaced, "Eris is fine and I am his mate here to meet with the high lord in his place."
The spymaster hesitated before leading you to a meeting room already filled with the night court inner circle. You got straight to the point, "Alright first things first, I don't know when my mate will make his move but I can say with certainty that it will be in less than a week. Eris is stressed and tired and please to not pressure him, I'm not doing much better but I am already late to a meeting with the captain of Eris' loyal soldiers. So please excuse my mate and let him rest."
Everyone stared at you with shock before Rhysand nodded, "Tell Eris to come meet with us when he is ready, we have the supplies he asked for. And you can go meet with the captain and after that I think you should get some rest."
You smiled at him and nodded, "thank you high lord" before you winnowed out to another meeting.
You gave the captain a similar speech and he nodded. "Tell the Heir to get rest; he can't defeat Beron without strength, and tell him to come at least 5 hours before he makes his move. We need a heads up to be ready. Thank you mi'lady, but may I suggest you cancel the rest fo the meetings today?"
You laughed, "Why is everyone so worried about me? I'm not the one about to attempt overthrowing the throne! And captain, my next meeting is in the night, I should be good. Plus how many times do I have to say you can call me Y/n?
The captain and his soldiers stared at you until one spoke up. "I don't mean to be rude Y/n but have you looked at yourself recently?"
You blinked at the soldiers before nodding, "I suppose I should do that. Thank you."
When you got back to your room Eris was awake and eating breakfast at the desk while reading reports. He glanced up and his face was so cold and devoid of emotion that all your insecurities from his words the night before came rushing back. You stopped at his side and he pulled you into his lap stiffly.
Eventually you dared to speak, "I... did you mean what you said last night? Am I really needy and demanding?"
He stared down at you, expression softening immediately. "No I didn't sweetheart, I had a long day of work and you know what's coming up but I'm sorry, I shouldn't have taken it out on you. You are all I could ask for in a mate, you do everything for me and ask for nothing in return. You stayed even when I told you to go because you know me and knew I didn't mean it. But I'm willing to bet everything I said hurt you, and I'm infinitely sorry for that. I will make it up in every way if you can forgive me."
You smiled at Eris, expression slightly pained but you nodded. "I will forgive you Eris Vanserra, and I know my cracked heart will heal eventually, with your help." Eris's answering smile was as bright as the sun. "I also met with the night court," Eris stiffened and you quickly added, "Rhysand wishes to meet with you when you're ready and the Captain needs you to notify him at least 5 hours before you know what so he can get his troops ready. They both told me to sleep as well but I don't understand why...."
Eris looked at you amused and stood up, carrying you to the full body mirror. You blinked at your reflection. There were dark circles under your eyes, your hair was unkempt, you clothes were singed at the edges and there was a little cut on your neck from where the spymaster had held a knife to your throat. You gaped at yourself.
Eris kissed the top of your head, "sleep my little fox, I will be here when you wake and I can start my apology." Your body heated but you smiled at him and drifted into unconscious.
A/n: hope you enjoyed! Constructive criticism, comments, likes and reblogs are appreciated. I swear I actually look at them
Changed it. I didn’t like the perspective before and added a few paragraphs to make it flow better. Get ready for part 3!
Impossible (prologue)
A/n: idk. Just an explanation for a in progress chapter one (no I haven’t started chapter one, idk when it’ll be out, I have my last year of hs (wish me luck). I do have a life ya know).
Mutuals you are my inspiration! (Not gonna tag you cuz idk if you want to be)
masterlist
pairing: azriel x reader, Eris x reader, Azriel x Eris
word count: 980 + 1
⚠️: nah
Azriel’s POV
Azriel stormed through the doors to the forest house as his rage took over. You was here, you had to be. Elain had left without a word and that’s when he realized he’d made a very big mistake. He’d been entranced by Elain, following whatever she said without question.
Azriel can’t you see? The mother made a mistake. We are meant to be, look at this, look at me. However we can’t be us with y/n still out there, poisoning your brain. You have to reject the bond. For us. Three brothers, three sisters right?
And he’d listened he’d rejected the bond as if the mate the Mother had given him was nothing compared to Elain. He’d tried to reject you in a nice manner but when you’d asked why, he’d given up and became rude and angry. So you had left, the remaining bit of the bond shut off and tucked deep inside both of you. But Azriel could still feel your heart break. Still feel the pain and hurt and betrayal.
And he hadn’t cared.
He reached inside himself now, searching for that bond, pulling it to the surface and tugging. Only to be met with a hard wall of fire. Pure light had always been your shield before but now. Fire? As if you were hurt and raging and broken but also beautiful and healing.
Elain had left, hardly a week after he’d rejected you. She’d disappeared to the band of exiles and hadn’t said a word. Not to Azriel, not even to Feyre or Nesta. But Lucien had visited later and said Elain had just shown up at his doorstep in tears, going on about how Azriel had broken her heart. Azriel had told him his side of the story and the two males had worked it out. Now he presumed, Lucien was trying to understand Elain.
After that they’d all spent a while searching for you. Now Azriel knew you were with Eris and damn him if that didn’t hurt him to his very core. Was he truly so bad that you’d gone to Eris for help?
As he let autumn court soldiers surround him in the greeting foyer, he pushed down his raging feelings and calmed down enough to speak to the captain. “Will you get the high lord for me?”
The captain eyed him for a moment before turning to head up the stairs all while muttering, "we might be allies with the night court but wasn't there a rule about notifying 3 hours before visits?”
Azriel grimaced, he'd forgotten about that but it was too late now. He watched the soldiers move back in place before glancing out the window. The moon was just now starting its descent shining on the misty forests of red, orange and brown.
Soon he heard two pairs of footsteps and the captains voice reached him, "-ed in. Not sure what he wants but he asked to see you and I figured it must be important so I got you."
Eris and the captain appeared at the top of the stairs as Eris dismissed him. The captain bowed, "High Lord", before scuttling away.
Eris groaned his voice raspy from sleep, his hair tousled from being woken up. "To what do I owe this lovely visit at the crack of dawn?"
Azriel grimaced, he hadn’t even looked at the time before coming here and waking Eris up. “My apologies High Lord,” he bit out, bowing his head slightly.
Eris raised his brows, “trying to get on my good side so I’ll let you see y/n? It won’t work shadowsinger, it’s all her choice.”
Azriel didn’t bother looking pleasant, “go ask her then.” At Eris’ frown and obvious hesitation he added, “please, I’m begging you, please.”
“I don’t see you begging.” But despite his words Eris sighed, running a hand through his hair, making it all the more messier. “I’ll do it for her, not you. The two of you need to work it out before she can move on. But if you hurt her shadowsinger….” His face turned cold as steel and he glared to emphasize his point.
Azriel bowed his head in understanding, “Thank you, Eris.” And he meant it, he truly did.
And as Azriel watched Eris walk away, he thought maybe, just maybe, he might be a good male.
*****
Eris’ POV
As Eris opened the door to his bed chambers he thought of how broken the spymaster had seemed. And he felt a sense of sadness and sympathy for the bastard which didn’t bode well with Eris. He never sympathized so why now for you and Azriel?
He strode to the bed and shook you awake, you glared at him through your lashes and through a weak right hook at his head. Eris let it hit before pulling you to her feet. “He’s here, he wants to talk and he looks truly sorry.”
This woke you up fast and you cursed, striding into the closet and changing. The past week you’d started to open up to Eris and talk about what happened, you’ come to his room and each night he would hold you and comfort you when you woke up crying. He was your rock, your friend in this cruel world.
Only he wanted more.
He wouldn’t pressure you in any way to do anything you didn’t want to but this talk with the spymaster had to happen sooner or later. He still wasnt sure why you’d come to him after the bond had been rejected. You’d met a few times at meetings and had been on good terms despite the trouble with Morrigan but otherwise you weren’t good enough friends for you to show up here after Azriel’s rejection. Not that he was complaining, he’d felt drawn to her the moment they’d met, like how mates were drawn together. But that wasn’t possible right? For one to have two mates, but it’d certainly explain why you’d come to him and why Eris had felt sympathy to both spymaster and female.
It isint possible he chided himself as you stepped out fully dressed in your Illyrian leathers. The phrase repeated in his head. Not possible. Impossible (improbable for Nikolai fans) Not possible, no way, not two mates.
but what if it was?
*****
thanks for sticking with me through this horrible prologue. You’re all amazing and supportive but I hope you will understand that I’m stressed with college and everything (I’m in my last year of hs).
y’all have a week left until requests close.
taglist
@profound-imagination
I will not tag anyone until explicitly asked to! (Or like idk)

PICK A CARD -—- In recent weeks, Atsumu has become quite interested in performing card tricks for his teammates as well as a couple of ladies. The only problem is, is that he never showed you these things, but little did you know he was just using them to courage himself to ask and impress you. Things don’t go his way, though.
PAIRINGS. miya atsumu x fem!reader
WARNINGS. blushy/shy Atsumu, he’s such a dork | fluff | just imagine Henmi as Kushida from Classroom of the Elite | the reader is kind of a brat LOL | the end is kinda rushed bc i wanted to finish this b4 4:00, I’ll proof read later

During the past few weeks, Atsumu has been fascinated with cardistry.
Each week, he performs a new card trick for a group of popular girls gossiping in the hallway or another group in the cafeteria. The volleyball fangirls that crowd around him even come to his games with a deck of cards to see what he’s capable of.
The only problem is, that he never shows it to you.
It’s not his obligation to show you everything; you shouldn’t feel entitled merely because he does… The fact that the ace of diamonds disappeared and reappeared behind your friend Henmi’s ear, a girl who appears to be smitten with him, left you feeling jealous and unwelcome.
Keep reading
alien ! hyunjin
(psst..hyunjin has two dicks hehe)
-contains mature themes (breeding oopsies)



the first time you saw hyunjin, you could not believe he was part of this universe.
he was ethereal. and when you saw the way his cheeks lit up into a pale blue, you were sure of yourself. he had told you about himself. how he was an alien. finding it pretty easy to fit into our world.
when you first met him, you had no idea. all you thought was god mustve have sculpted him into such a fine piece. you fell in love with him after seeing him in his space attire.
nothing was different about him except for a few things.
like the way his body turned a pretty blue when he felt strong emotions. his irises would keep changing colour. it was hardly noticeable from afar.
there were also days when he'd be insatiable. longing for your touch. doing whatever he could do to stay close to you.
"sometimes i just need to stay close. my body experiences all the emotions you are feeling in that way. then i can understand you better"
he explained, fingers intertwined with yours while soft music played in the background. only the two of you in space.
.
.
you whined, unable to move. the feeling of someone pressed up against your back. it took you a few seconds to properly wake up. you could feel his arm wrapped around your waist. pulling you against him.
was he asleep? when had he come back?
his breathing was jagged. and he shuffled around. his body heat radiating through your clothes. the one suit he was wearing was thick and padded.
"m' gonna pump you" he slurred. you made a questionable noise.
what was he mumbling on about.
"jinnie?" the boy stirred in his daze. choosing to mouth on the side of your neck. you trembled.
his tongue seemed hotter than usual and it had to have grown longer.
"j-jinnie?" you whispered, trying to turn your head around. he hummed, lightly sucking on the spot behind your ear. a strange noise leaving him. almost like he was purring loudly. sharp canines leaving pretty bruises.
"c-can i take you?" he mumbled, lifting his head up to look at you. your room was dimly lit so you could see the way his cheeks sparkled with blue stardust.
"huh?"
he sat up, gripping your thighs and pulling your hips towards him. lazily grinding against your covered core.
you gasped. he was hard. you could feel his dick through all those layers.
"need to fill you up" he blabbered, getting more into it. you noticed him have some self control. he stopped his actions.
"what's wrong?" you asked. slowly getting up.
"its that time of the year" you realised what he meant.
it was mating season. and during this time he had no control over himself. very little of himself remaining within.
"then do me" you reassured, watching his eyes flicker. you shook your head. ready for whatever came your way.
.
"any liquid that exits my body is a strong aphrosidiac during this time. you'll be insatiable and so will i"
"and you're telling me this right now-"
you gasped as he messily kissed you. sucking on your tongue. he smiled before going lower.
tongue leaving a trail of pale blue spit against your exposed chest. he ran his tongue over your hardened nub, teasing you. a grin on his face. because he knew it would kick in anytime soon.
a wave of pleasure hitting you. squeezing your legs around his hips. throbbing around nothing.
you were dripping. copious amounts of slick leaking out of your pussy. he was getting you ready. to take him.
"f-fuck me p-please hyun-n"
you cried out, feeling absolutely broken apart. you didn't know why you were crying. your body aching for more. cunt desperately grinding against his covered thigh.
he pulled away, standing up and unzipping his suit. it fell to the floor.
"don't get scared, okay?"
there was uncertainty in his voice. but you didn't give a damn. all you needed was him. inside of you.
your eyes flying down to his crotch.
his dick. no... his dicks?!
"TWO?!?!?" you yelled, watching him stroke himself. the base looked particularly thick and girthy.
he moaned out loud, as he grew wetter. his precum dripping onto his suit that was pooled around his ankles.
you felt like you were ascending. pure need. you needed him in you. or you'd die. unknowingly you made grabby hands and hyunjin smiled, climbing onto the bed to sit between your legs.
"it won't fit, w-will it?" you wanted to cry. he ignored you.
instead pushing his head against your cunt. his wet muscle spreading your folds apart. you couldn't help but grind down on his tongue.
so long and wet. extending to reach that spongey spot.
"spread your legs for me" he let out a strange clicking sound. and you did.
going to the extent of arching your back and begging for him. In any other instance, you'd be embarassed with how you were acting. like a bitch in heat. there was a smug look on his face. you were preparing yourself for the pain.
"it won't hurt. you're absolutely under my control now darling" he reassured and then you realised why your body was following whatever he instructed. more slick leaked out of your empty cunt.
he inched closer, pressing into you. slowly until he lost self control, moving in one swift motion. throwing his head back, he cried out. a broken pornographic moan.
tears escaped your eyes at how deep he was. stretching your pussy apart with his both his dicks.
absentmindedly he began rocking his hips. you whined, arms flailing around. running up his stomach and onto his chest. he was flushed. a sparkly blue aura around him.
he looked back down, looking at you with such intensity, you thought you'd melt into the mattress. his eyes half lidded.
"who does this filthy cunt belong to?" he asked, tilting his head.
"y-you"
"and these pretty little tits?" he looked so hot. eyebrows furrowed as he waited for your response.
"you. only you. i'm y-yours"
"aamh-hnngn" you arched your back, thighs quivering around his waist.
he had hooked his thumb into your cunt. making the slide inside even tighter and ten times more pleasurable.
"spit in my mouth please pl-ease"
he chuckled, holding your mouth open with his other hand and spitting. his spit mixing with the drool on the corner of your lips.
"good girl" he praised as you swallowed. choking at how his thumb in your cunt added to the feeling.
undoubtedly you came on the stop.
"feels good, doesn't it?" you nodded, sobbing as he thrusted. reaching a spot you never knew existed. sparks of ecstasy rushing through you.
"making both my dicks even wetter. such a kind heart you have" hyunjin moaned out. drooling as your cum seeped out of your cunt onto the bed and on him.
"you'll let me breed you, won't you" you shook your head.
remembering how he had told you that he couldn't get you pregnant. maybe if he actually really really tried then there was a 50 percent chance. and the best thing was that you didn't have to worry about protection.
"pleaseee p-please plea-"
"m' gonna fuck my babies into you." he stated, gripping your waist to hold you down as you squirmed. the pleasure overtaking you.
"have you crying over both my dicks hnnngh-" he mewled. hips faltering as you clenched down on him.
"gonna fill you up with all my cum. till its leaking out of you for days."
"needy fucking cunt. waiting to be bred"
he exclaimed, pressing a large hand on your lower abdomen. a bulge forming there with just how deep he was. burying himself in there.
you whimpered upon noticing how his dick was glowing. a neon blue colour. so bright you could see it on your lower stomach as he went in and out.
"ready, baby?"
you writhed as he slid his hand up. fondling your tits. tongue harshly sucking and nipping at your nipples.
"god, you'd be the perfect mate." your heart warming at how his tone grew softer. you could feel and see how strong his emotions were. his skin sparkling and eyes twinkling.
his thrusts growing faster and more rough. body jerking and spasming as his orgasm was building up. you managed to utter out a few words.
words that would fuel him and make him bend you backwards.
"want y-your e-eggs in me. breed me h-hyunnie"
he groaned loudly. pressing his hips against you. buried so deep in you, you swear he was up your throat.
his cum filling you up. there was so much of it. you swear you'd get pregnant in one go, with how heavy his load was.
"k-keep it all in p-please" he whined, lazily thrusting into you. his cum overflowing out. your eyes rolling back at how warm your insides felt.
his cum staining your thighs as he pulled out. stroking himself over your stomach as more seeped out.
it was so pretty. baby blue thick substance.
"look im all the way up here"
you marvelled at the small bulge just above your pelvic bone.
you were literally bred. his cum fucked into you. and he made sure to do it right.
within a few minutes, you felt yourself get wetter. a strong heat growing within you. pussy glistening.
practically displaying your heat for him. luring him in. his eyes glued onto how your cunt gaped.
"m-more n-need it" you begged, spreading your legs even wider. hissing at how much your pussy ached for his dicks. welcoming him back home.
to carve himself into you.
"oh, my darling...well i did mention that my spit and cum acts like an aphrosidiac"
"so we're not done until i say so."
.
.
.
did not expect myself to write so much but i got carried away cuz hyunjin + two dicks + breeding ¿??;!!!=×
the huntress | jungkook (teaser)

Pairing: jungkook x (f.) reader
Genre: werewolf au, hunter au, action, thriller, angst, fluff, smut
Rating: 18+ (graphic violence / explicit sexual content)
Estimated Final Word Count: 15-20k??? Maybe more bc it’s already at 7.4k and I haven’t even fully hit on the main plot yikes
Teaser Word Count: 1,780
Summary: You are a hunter. You are a protector. And you are a killer. These are simple facts. Facts that have been drilled into your head since you were a child. These facts are all that you know, all that you can rely on when the world around you is constantly changing. But, what can you do when one of the very creatures you’ve been taught to hunt, taught to kill, taught to hate makes you question everything you once believed?
Warnings: explicit language, descriptions of blood, graphic violence, death, killing/murder, jk is kept in a cage, panic attack, betrayal, sad jk, explicit sexual content; sex in a lake, unprotected sex (please be safe!!), sub!jungkook, dom!reader, virgin!jungkook, lots of whining, light dirty talk, hand job, fingering, jk has a kissing kink, oral (f. receiving), biting, reader calls jk puppy (all warnings are subject to change)
Release Date: TBD
A/N ; ah shit here we go. she’s been coming along pretty smoothly, so I thought it was the right time put the teaser out for you guys! I’m really excited to get the full fic posted and hopefully it won’t be too far in the future, but with my track record… I can make no guarantees. thank you for 1.4K followers!! I hope you enjoy!

Keep reading


💗✨Throwin it back on you like it’s ‘94✨💗
wearing cardinal copia’s biretta while you ride him. send tweet.
I appreciate you 🩷
Redamancy: Part II ['red-a-man-sE] noun ;a love returned in full
![Redamancy: Part II['red-a-man-sE] Noun ;a Love Returned In Full](https://64.media.tumblr.com/a2771f4d99e59ea80e4b825f244b4e7a/cf2ac1da5fca660a-b5/s500x750/bb7282a84abf15603295c1174b690ec66ff8d552.jpg)
![Redamancy: Part II['red-a-man-sE] Noun ;a Love Returned In Full](https://64.media.tumblr.com/19fe8552bc16056a01f5a99cea651aad/cf2ac1da5fca660a-8c/s500x750/da3cd2c55780672e377b4adba8f5f6cf78703aac.jpg)
![Redamancy: Part II['red-a-man-sE] Noun ;a Love Returned In Full](https://64.media.tumblr.com/569e18bf26e4954496e2cc44b50b17d9/cf2ac1da5fca660a-bb/s500x750/cf49670bec00226b0c98eafe8ed9d7cf8c4a44c0.jpg)
![Redamancy: Part II['red-a-man-sE] Noun ;a Love Returned In Full](https://64.media.tumblr.com/32037d7766e6c1cbc175e045b6f64972/cf2ac1da5fca660a-9f/s500x750/4972bc12adc9066c2b0c77ff2c58987603ab7eff.png)
(If you haven't read part one, you definitely should!)
{ Pairing } - idol!bangchan x staff!afab.reader (bestie!jisung)
{ Genre } - NSFW; s/a/f trifecta, now friends to enemies to lovers, pining
{ Synopsis } - Things are awkward now, you're avoiding each other. In fact you distanced yourself from the entire group. What happens when Ji confronts you? What happens when Chan does a 180 and tries to befriend you? And what happens when Chan finally has you alone in his room?
{ WC } - 14.3k (I am so sorry 🥺) + 2 screenshots
{ Warnings & Tags } - 18+ MDNI, lowkey POV switch , lots and lots of angst, eventual smut & fluff, swearing, use of babygirl, multiple nicknames for members, choking, drinking, bestie jisung crying, hyunjin being a logical romantic, y/n being a little toxic but learning from it, they're honestly both a lotta stupid, oral(f. receiving), dry humping, hickeys and bruising, questionable breath play (please research if you plan on doing this, do it safely), chans nipples are sensitive, he's just sensitive in general with y/n, fingering, needy chan, members teasing, talk of edging, talk of bdsm, these two are VOCAL as hell, so lots of moaning, groaning, whining, whimpering, mewling, and dirty talk during sex, unprotected sex (piv), pull out method (again don't do this, practise safe sex), much cringe, much awkward, but they overcome it (LMK if I forgot any, I'm sorry)
{ Disclaimer } - This work is in no way associated or depicting the actual life of the members of SKZ. It is a fictional piece of work, and I do not own Stray Kids. All works of fiction are loosely inspired by SKZ, and in no way am I saying it is true to their character.
{ A/N } - Alright almost a month later, and I finally finished part two!! Please don't hate meeee, I beg your forgiveness, please. It took me a while because I just couldn't stop writing and adding things. Editing also took FOREVER, because I wasn't confident that it would satisfy you guys. I'm still not sure. So I apologize if this didn't live up to your expectations, again, please be gentle with me ♡. Understand that this is only my 2nd SKZ fic, so I'm still learning about how to portray each character, and how to piece things together seamlessly!
![Redamancy: Part II['red-a-man-sE] Noun ;a Love Returned In Full](https://64.media.tumblr.com/5057567e36d604e6a4398d886a9206da/cf2ac1da5fca660a-b6/s500x750/54e6b1b53629a4a2c4f577d8adbfa2ffaf76850d.png)
Chan was starting to worry. It had been almost two weeks and he still hadn't seen you, nor heard from you. It wasn't like you two really spoke outside of questioning the other about Jisungs' whereabouts. There were the occasional texts, again about Jisung. He didn't know what to say to you to begin with. Apologize? He already did that, and it only seemed to make you more upset. But that was in the moment, and both your emotions were on overdrive.
The other members were starting to notice your absence, questioning Han about it. Asking if you were okay. You'd even started avoiding all the public areas at the building. No one was even sure if you were eating during the day, or there at all. You didn't go to the cafeteria, break rooms, or practise rooms. No one caught you in the lounge areas, elevator, or the stairwell. No one even saw you coming into or leaving the building. It was to the point where Hyunjin was nearly planning steakout missions with Jisung. And poor Ji. He only got to see you twice since that night. A drastic decrease in comparison to how often he usually spends time with you. Chan only knew that because he overheard him talking to Minho about it. That was all he heard before Han noticed him standing there, and left for his room, sending him a spine chilling glare along the way.
And Chan knew it really was all his fault when Minho just gave him a curiously sad look, and patted him on the shoulder. You obviously said something to Han, who said something to Minho. He wonders who else knows how bad he messed up.
He was racking his brain trying to figure out how to fix this. Never in a million years had he thought he'd actually get a chance to experience such a quintessential moment with you. He'd liked you for so long, it was starting to turn into more than that. Ever since he'd seen you helping a new trainee navigate the building, he grew interested in your kind heart first and foremost. He's sure he's been through all the emotions. Excitement, because you started hanging around with them and you fell right into the dynamic so easily. Anxiety, because he didn't know how to approach you at first. Jealousy, when Han got all of the attention from you. Anger, when he thought you and Han started dating secretly. Embarrassment, when he realized how wrong he was. Hope, when you two shared a hug, even though it was a very awkward hug. Despondent, when he still couldn't figure out how to act around you, letting whatever growing friendship you two had begun, stall. And now regretful. But not regret for kissing you, touching you, or nearly fucking you. No, regret that he had stopped.
Such a beautiful moment, where he was truly lost in bliss. And he halted it. He let his anxiety get to him, his internal conflict wouldn't shut up.
He truly was worried about the technicality of it all. The rules, the company, the media, the fans. Worst of all, you would receive the brunt of it. He didn't know how to protect you from it all. He was constantly going back and forth in his head. How could he make it work? Would you even want to make it work? Did you even like him? What did you think about him exactly?
He wasn't blind. Every once in a while he'd catch your eyes on him for a little too long. Any 'accidental' physical contact you had with him would linger. And he knew there was a certain smile you'd reserved just for him. Not to mention, you were always the first to reach out directly, and make conversation with him. He was always too afraid to. He felt like a coward. And when he finally had the courage to make a move, a bold move, a ravenous move... His ego suddenly deflated when he realized his actions could be taken the wrong way.
He panicked.
He doesn't want you to think that he just wants sex from you. That you're just a fling. A one night stand. A hookup. No he wanted to do it the right way. He wanted to take you on a date, he wanted to learn more about you, to meet your friends. He wanted you to meet his family, to meet Berry. He even fantasized about planning a special date to ask you to be his girlfriend. He fantasized about anniversaries, about holidays spent together, a life spent together. He wanted to give you the world. He fell for you hard. And in that moment, he felt like he was doing it all backwards. So he stopped. It nearly killed him, but he stopped. And he should've done anything, quite literally anything else but stop.
When he saw the spark in your eyes dimming, only to be replaced with apprehension. He immediately apologized, and spat out a quick blurb about being inappropriate.
Your entire face just sunk, and he shut down. There was nothing more he could say about it, not in that moment. And he felt even worse when you said you understood, but he didn't let it show. You didn't understand, not really. There was no way in hell you could, and he desperately wanted to just spill everything that second. But he wanted to be sober, wanted you to be sober, so instead he told you to drink water. And go to bed.
What the hell was wrong with him.
He even made sure to wake up early the next morning, anticipating to somehow get the chance to talk to you. When you came running down the hall, he was sure that it was fate. The chance that you two had alone time this early was perfect. He had hoped that this would all be sorted out. If he confessed, maybe you would too. Then he could explain last night, and you two could talk about it. And if it didn't work out like that, at the very least he could try to preserve your friendship. It would be painful to remain just friends, but he didn't want you out of his life. He couldn't imagine that. He doesn’t think he could handle that. After he greeted you, he noticed your eyes had tears in them. You were starting to hyperventilate, and tremble.
Then you were leaving.
Even though he's come up with world class lyrics, he seemed to be failing with his words lately. He didn't ask if you were okay, or what was wrong, or breach the topic that was clearly needing clarification. No, instead, he followed up with asking if you wanted breakfast.
You didn't even look at him. The tone of your voice was glacial, freezing him right to the spot. He'd never heard you sound like that. He just stood there, watching the door close. Listening to your car start, listening to you drive off. And then he stood there more, afraid to move.
When Jisung came running out 15 minutes later, he was still standing there. Han saw your things were gone, and knew that you left. Chan only decided to move when Han uttered five angry words to him.
'You really fucked up, Chan.'
He knew he did. And he didn't know where to begin to fix it...
"--Channie-hyung!"
He whipped his head up, and found Jeongin snapping his fingers in front of face, trying to get his attention.
They'd been at dance practice, taking a break. He only then realized that he'd zoned out the entire time, not eating, not grabbing water, not even sitting down. Just recounting his mistakes, and dwelling on them. Now it was time to get back to work.
Jeongin was giving him a strange look, but he didn't dare question him. In addition to messing things up with you, he'd been too on edge. Snapping at one too many people. He didn't want to risk Chan blowing up on him next.
"Where's Hannie and Hyune?" Chan questions.
"Probably still in the cafeteria..." Minho responds, giving him a knowing look.
Minho was the one keeping both him and Han in check at the moment. He felt bad for forcing him into a position like that, considering he was Chan's younger member. Even if it's just one year. Having to be a mediator daily between his two brothers, he knew it must've taken a toll on him. But he never complained, and Chan was grateful nonetheless.
Chan nodded, and went to grab water from his bag. As he was chugging it, Jisung came into the room and went straight to Minho. Furiously whispering at him, pushing his hair back. Hyunjin trailed in not long after, his eyes darted to Chan, but looked away quickly.
"What's going on?" Seungmin asked.
Minho just put his hand up to him, and the younger one scoffed. He turned to Felix, "The hyungs are acting fucking weird lately."
Felix hummed in agreement, as he continued massaging Changbin.
"Aye, I don't know what's going on either, don't group me in." Changbin grunted.
Chan hesitantly approached the bickering pair, and the look Minho now gave him was one of warning. But it was too late.
"It's all your fault." Han spat at him.
"Excuse me?" He bit back, not expecting such an outburst from him.
Hyunjin quickly jumped up to try and get between them and explain, "We saw y/n in the cafeteria toda-"
"She isn't coming over this weekend again. And she's not letting me over to hers either. She wants to be alone. I wonder why." Han interrupts, crossing his arms.
The room was eerily quiet. Everyone knew something was up, that much was obvious. The fact that Han was slightly vague though, it gives Chan the idea that the exact details remain relatively private.
"Is she still here?" Chan whispers through clenched teeth, holding fierce eye contact with Han, but he's getting more daring.
"She's about to leave. YOU," Han pointed to Chan, poking his finger right into his chest, "need to figure your shit out, and stop playing around. Fix. It."
"HAN JISUNG." Minho yells sternly, "You need to stop being so disrespectful. No matter the situation, remember who you're talking to. Let's take a walk."
He drags Han out of the room, and down the hall.
Chan was left standing there, ears burning and fists trembling at his sides. It was safe to say practice was done early for the day. So he quickly dismissed everyone, and was the first to leave.
He found himself searching for you throughout the building, with no luck. Until the elevator doors opened, he stepped on with his head hung down. So consumed in his own thoughts again, he didn't realize the other person at first.
When he lifted his head to finally greet them, he was faced with you. You refused to even look at his way, choosing to face straight forward at the exit.
"Y/n..." He managed to croak out, weakly.
Silence, still. As soon as the doors opened, you rushed out. He was stuck standing there again.
![Redamancy: Part II['red-a-man-sE] Noun ;a Love Returned In Full](https://64.media.tumblr.com/a1d9b224c95716203c6eb17b9da490c4/cf2ac1da5fca660a-94/s500x750/bb338a0eaa4018d2dfc1874d7268337f8a9b1937.png)
It was early Friday night, and you were already wrapped in the blankets on your bed. Aimlessly scrolling and tapping on tiktok, not even really paying attention to any of the videos.
You weren't used to spending this much time alone, not anymore. You wanted to go see the people who you realized felt like home to you, especially in this foreign country. But you didn't want to deal with the fallout of the oldest. Jiji did beg to come over... You'd been missing him so much. You'd been missing everyone so much, even your co-workers.
Most of the work you do can be done from home, on your personal pc or work laptop. The majority of your co-workers had periods of time where they wouldn't set foot into the building for weeks at a time. You knew it wouldn't be weird to them if you worked from home for a while. So you've been opting to do that, only going into the building if you absolutely needed to.
Until today that is. At nearly 4 in the morning you were cc'd on multiple emails. The constant dinging woke you up. There was a huge issue with a group's new M/V. Footage was corrupted, drafts were deleted, and it had already passed the deadline. They needed all hands on deck. You were in such a rush to come in, you didn't bring any food or drinks with you. You had arrived about an hour after receiving the email, so by the time afternoon rolled around, you needed to get something in your system. Thankfully the major issues had been solved, but now came the fine tuning. You could finish up at home, but truthfully you missed being out and about. Even if it was just at work.
You reluctantly made your way down to the cafeteria, thinking you'd be safe because you know SKZ's schedule for today. You knew they'd be in dance practice. Oh how surprised you were when Jisung nearly tackled you to the ground. He was on you as soon as you came down the stairs to the main level. Your heart hurts when you see the glossy look in his eyes, paired with sadness. Hyunjin was right next to him, trying to pry him off of you and avoid a scene. Instead you pulled him into a group hug, which he eventually accepted, wrapping his arms around the both of you.
They both badgered you with questions. Asking where you'd been, what happened, if you were mad at them. You were honest with them, and nearly broke down again. You weren't okay. You were hurt, and angry. But you assured them that you weren't angry with any of them, besides one obviously. And even though Jiji didn't bring up Chan exactly, or that night, you did. You started ranting about how stupid you felt for what happened. You've been holding it all in for the longest time, the words were rolling off your tongue effortlessly.
You could see that at first, Hyunjin was a little shocked and confused. Possibly embarrassed judging by his pink tinted cheeks. But he held your other hand, that Ji wasn't holding, supporting you either way. You couldn't begin to express your appreciation. You'd half expected all the members to know exactly what happened. You also figured they'd side with Chan, and be upset at you for cutting off all contact basically. Considering Hyunjin didn't know what happened, you knew that wasn't the case. Relief washed over you slightly.
It would be better if less people knew, less people to pick sides. In the grand scheme of things, this was only really between two people. There was no need to involve anyone else directly. On top of that, you'd never ask any of them to pick your side, not only because you know where you'd stand compared to their leader. You also wanted to avoid negative drama, and any arguments that might start with them.
Jisung begged you to come over tonight. Said that they would figure it out, that he would take you to his room even. He tried to make you laugh saying he'd even hang a sign saying 'no Chan's allowed' on his door. But you refused, not wanting to create uneasy tension, or make anyone feel uncomfortable in their own home.
He then offered to come over and have a night just the two of you, and as tempting as it was, you found yourself wanting to be alone. Your go to method for self soothing was always solitude, even if it wasn't always healthy.
You could see him deflating the more you denied his offers to spend time together. The anxiety was growing in his eyes. Knowing him, he was fearing that this was the end of your friendship. That simply could never happen.
'Give me just a few more days, and I'll be over it all. I'll be back to normal.'
That's what you told him, but you didn't even know if that was true. Regardless, you refused to lose your best friend over a situation like this.
One thing's for sure, you need to stop isolating. It wasn't helping as much as you convinced yourself it would. Just as you were debating texting Ji that you changed your mind, and to come over. Your phone chimed, and it was Jiji, he texted you first.
![Redamancy: Part II['red-a-man-sE] Noun ;a Love Returned In Full](https://64.media.tumblr.com/0fb5104b101f3a95a28f228420632250/cf2ac1da5fca660a-a2/s640x960/d41dc75c17d7c8b5089b212df0cae0f7d7688966.png)
You threw the blankets off, opting to keep on your pajama shorts instead of changing. You slid a hoodie on over your cami though, because you refused to put a bra on.
They're your friends and you know they'd never judge you or your home. Still you tidied up the take out containers, cups, and cans left in your kitchen and living room. You folded your throw blankets, and fluffed up the pillows on your couch. You quickly picked up the clothes strewn across your apartment, and threw them into your room. You'd deal with the laundry later. Lastly, you went to take the garbage out, and as you turned to go back inside, a car drove up and Ji hopped out. He was in a hoodie, with the hood pulled up. He also wore sunglasses, and a black mask.
"Y/nie!" Ji said and ran up to hug you.
"Long time no see." You joke, wrapping your arms around him.
Hyunjin was also semi disguising himself, also in a hoodie. He had a baseball cap on, with his hood also up. He covered his eyes with the visor, and wore a black mask as well. He sent off the driver with a thank you and wave.
"Don't tease. It's been an excruciating amount of time. I need to recharge." He said squeezing you tighter.
"Hey y/n." Hyunjin walked up next, carrying bags full of goodies.
"Hey! Come on, give me those, let's get inside."
After you lead them in, you guys get comfy in the living room. They brought drinks, and loads of snacks and candy. In no time, you fell into that familiar and comfortable groove of your usual weekend shenanigans. Just a smaller circle this time.
"So," Ji started with his cheeks full of cheesecake, "I got in trouble with Minho."
"How?!" You giggled.
"I think Minho saved you actually, the way Chan was looking at you? He needed to get you out of there, you were NOT giving it up." Hyune said.
"Wait, what happened?" You sat up more, worried now.
"Tchh, he wouldn't have laid a finger on me." He tried to act confidently, but the way he rubbed his hands together told a different story.
"You guys fought?!" You gasped.
When Ji said nothing, and avoided your eyes, Hyune decided to speak up.
"They've been fighting. Mostly silently. You know, avoiding each other, sending the other looks and glares. But some days Hannie can't keep his mouth shut."
You gave Ji a stern look, and he just swallowed his cake.
"Anyways," Ji said, clearly trying to get the subject off of Chan, "Minho was so angry with me. I got scolded so much, I nearly cried."
"Well, yelling at Chan in front of the entire group probably wasn't the smartest thing to do..." Hyune mumbled.
Suddenly, concern washed over you. Surprisingly for Chan. You couldn't help it when the words just slipped out.
"So... how is Chan?" You attempted to sound nonchalant, stuffing your mouth with a brownie immediately afterwards.
They were both staring at you, unsure of how to answer.
"He's... tense. I get something clearly happened between you two, but I don't know exactly what's up. He seems angry, and lashes out at people verbally... But he's sad too, he's been attempting to hide away from everyone too." Hyune says.
"He has no reason to be angry." Ji snaps.
"Ji..." You say, "You should stop being so hostile to him. He didn't do anything to you..."
Damn that soft spot in your heart, even when you've been completely devastated by him, you're sitting here defending him.
He gave you the stern look now, "No. But he did something to hurt you. He's acting like a god damn fuck boy, and I always knew him to be better than that. I've never seen you like this! He made you stop visiting us, you even stopped talking to me throughout the day. He created a divide. And I'm sorry to be selfish, but whether or not it was done to me, it still affected me too!"
The anguish in his voice shot through your chest, creating that god awful sinking feeling. He was right, but still... it wasn't only Chan that held the blame. You were guilty of your own actions. You never should've pushed any of them away, especially Hanji.
"Okay, I have to ask. What the hell happened, it seems like he did something really bad." Hyunjin finally asked, worry written all over his face.
Ji refused to look up from his cheesecake, he was now just mashing it up angrily on his plate.
"I like Chan." You blurted out, "Well, I liked him. I still like him? I'm trying to get over him though. But it's proving to be more difficult than I thought, so maybe it's more than me just having a crush. I don't know. It feels ridiculous to have such big emotions towards him, considering we struggle to even hold a conversation. I know nothing substantial about him, and I'm sure it's vice-versa. But the last time I was over... We ended up... halfway hooking up in the hall? But he stopped. And he looked at me like I was crazy. Like he forgot who I was, and like... like he was disgusted that it was me he was touching." You started rambling now.
"And I mean I get it. I'm me, nothing special. We were drunk, and I'm sure with the way we were feeling, it could've just been chalked up to hormones on overdrive. But... I really thought he was reciprocating my feelings. I feel so stupid, to put that much value into sex. It's just sex. And it didn't even happen! I don't know. It just hurt, it still hurts. The regret in his eyes, that stung so bad. Because I didn't regret it, fuck, I don't regret it... I'm just so angry. I can't seem to move on from this."
They both sat listening to you, as tears began to well in your eyes. Ji pulled you into him, your head resting on his chest. Your arm rested on top of his stomach, the other sliding between his back and the couch. He was carding his fingers through your hair, and scratching your scalp lightly, like he knew you liked.
"Stop talking down on yourself. I don't like seeing you tear yourself down with lies." Ji mumbled.
"I'm sorry you're going through this... Have you two... talked at all?" Hyunjin asked.
"No. I'm trying to avoid that. I already got my heart ripped out once, I don't want to go through it again." You nearly sobbed, thinking back to how he approached you in the elevator. All he said was your name, but his voice was filled with such strong emotions that you couldn't decipher. You'd just assumed it was still regret, and ran out of there as fast as you could.
Hyunjin rubbed your knee comfortingly, "But maybe talking would help... I'm not trying to make excuses for him. He should've spoken up at that point, offered some sort of explanation or reassurance, something. That's on him for not opening his mouth, you'd obviously be confused about the whole thing. I don't know if you're interested in fixing things and talking it out, or even remaining friends with him. Regardless, I feel like some sort of closure would help you and help him. And unfortunately that does involve talking it out."
You nodded your head, "It probably would, but I don't feel like I'm ready. You didn't see his eyes. I can't handle it if he looks at me like that again." You whispered the next sentence, "I don't want anyone to look at me that way again. "
"I don't think Chan would ever be disgusted by you, I mean judging by the looks some of us have caught him giving you. He definitely finds you attractive, as he should." He smirked, making you give a breathy laugh through the tears, "Frankly, I'm shocked that you were even interested in him. I mean have you seen me?" He gestured to his face dramatically, turning from side to side and gave a few poses.
You and Ji both chuckled at him.
"Or Felix? Even Innie lately is growing more into his features! Why not one of us?!" He nudged your leg with a laugh.
"HEY! If anyone gets to date my Jagi, it's obviously me. We'll be two hot, married best friends who suffer in abstinence, because we can't bring ourselves to consummate the marriage." Ji suddenly slurs, holding onto you tighter.
Yeah, he was a little too quiet there for too long, the alcohol must've hit him.
You burst out laughing, and shove him away from you, "Gross Jiji!"
"And thank you Hyune, but I feel like that can't be true. Even if he has checked me out, that's superficial. I mean we're human, we can feel a basic level of attraction to someone we see for only 2 seconds, and never get to see them again. When I say I like him, it's more than just a physical relationship. I know it's illogical, for so many reasons. Like I said, I barely even know him. There's been no attempt to even get on the same level, like how I know the rest of you. We barely talked, we had that huge argument, and he's always kept some distance from me... there's always been a detachment. So for me to want to be with him, even after all the signs of him wanting nothing to do with me? It's insane. He could never want that, could never want me. Not beyond a quick fuck apparently. And he couldn't even go through with that..."
You know you're starting to sound repetitive and bitter, and a little pathetic. But damn it, this hurts. And these thoughts were consuming your mind in a vicious continual cycle.
Hyunjin just hummed, neither agreeing or disagreeing, "You know you can't help emotions y/n, they're borderline instinctual. Especially love, and I'm not saying you're in love with him, but to care for someone? That passion? It's got to count for some kind of love. It's such a powerful feeling, we have no control over it, it's humorlessly funny like that."
You were listening to him talk intently, he was so poetic. Maybe it was the fact you were a little tipsy, but you were thinking that he should write more songs. More love songs specifically.
"If we could control it, there'd be much less heartbreak in the world I think. Unrequited love wouldn't exist... With that in mind though, there'd be a lot less love overall. I mean think about it, love almost always comes with some sort of eventual pain. There'd be many people who'd just opt out altogether..." He paused for a moment before continuing, "And never discount things as impossible, everything is possible. I'm not saying this to try to give you hope or destroy your hope. I'm not saying this to persuade you either. I'm just saying sometimes things aren't so black and white. Grey exists too, and it's a pretty beautiful shade if you ask me. I think you should talk to him about it." He finished
You nodded and offered a smile, "Maybe I should, and thank you."
You gestured for him to join you and Ji on the couch, and he rested against you. His head on your shoulder, creating a momentary cuddle pile, with you sandwiched in the middle.
You were so grateful to these boys, helping to piece you back together when you felt so broken. And over something seemingly insignificant to most. Ji was physically comforting you, and Hyune was comforting you mentally and emotionally. He just seemed to understand the world on a different level, able to see perspectives that might not always be clear to most. His mind was a beautiful place, and you felt honored that he let you in. You both formed a special bond tonight, similar yet completely different to you and Ji.
And, oh Ji... he wasn't getting off scot free.
"And you," You looked up to Ji, who was looking down at you wide eyed, "You need to apologize for your behavior with Chan. I understand you want to protect me, and I love you for that. Immensely. But he's your leader. He's done and sacrificed so much for you and your members. I'm sure no one knows what's going through his head. Stop giving him such a hard time... I'll figure out a solution with him eventually... even if it's just practicing being civil with each other. For now, try not to take things out on him. I'm sorry I stopped coming around. That fault lies completely on me, and it was petty. I won't avoid anyone anymore, so promise me you'll apologize. And that means as soon as you see him!"
He looked at you, processing your words before answering, "...fine. But seriously... don't go dark on me again, Jagiya." He said quietly.
You smiled, and snuggled up closer to him, "I won't, my poor baby."
The three of you continued chatting, catching up on all the crazy things you missed out on. Apparently a lot can happen in two weeks. You were angry you missed out on a weekend camping trip. Apparently they all had gotten so drunk, except Chan. And I.N. kept threatening to hit people with his shoe. They informed you that Chan was very quiet on the trip. He kept to himself mostly, and binge ate ice cream instead of sharing a drink with the rest.
You couldn't get your mind off Hyunjin's words. Chan has been watching you? The amount of time you spent checking him out, you'd figured if that were true you would have noticed. Maybe he was sneakier than you thought. Then again, that night your eyes did meet more than once or twice... You kept catching him looking at you. Maybe what Hyune said was true.
You were stuffed, full of candy and sweets. And also a little tipsy. It was getting late. Close to an hour later, you sent them home in a rideshare, telling them both to text you when they get home. Then you made sure to text Minho, alerting him of exactly how drunk Han was, and apologizing. You knew he'd be the one stuck taking care of him, if there's anyone who loves Ji as much as you, it's Minho. He might love him even more, having known him for much longer than you did. If the boys didn't have such a busy schedule this week, you'd be able to have Ji and Jinnie spend the night and take care of them yourself.
A weight was lifted off your shoulders, and you silently cursed yourself for hiding yourself away for so long. You always did that, and it never ended well. You really were thankful to Ji, you don't know what you'd do without him.
That night, you felt yourself drifting off to sleep quicker, easier. But even as slumber was pulling you in, Chan was still on your mind.
![Redamancy: Part II['red-a-man-sE] Noun ;a Love Returned In Full](https://64.media.tumblr.com/a1d9b224c95716203c6eb17b9da490c4/cf2ac1da5fca660a-94/s500x750/bb338a0eaa4018d2dfc1874d7268337f8a9b1937.png)
Chan was sitting on the couch with Minho, having been forced out of his room and pushed to socialize. He hadn't done much, he was in his thoughts again. Occasionally entertaining the others with curt responses and short conversations here and there. They seemed to just be happy with his presence, and he was thankful for that.
Jisung and Hyunjin had gone to your house, and the unknown made him feel uneasy. He was happy though, because that meant you weren't cutting everyone off, you weren't done with the entire group, you were staying in their lives.
Everyone but the man that fucked up it would seem. Still, he felt relief. He wouldn't forgive himself if he was the cause of a valuable friendship lost for everyone.
The rest of the members had gone to sleep by now, but he and Minho were waiting for the two younger members to arrive home. You had texted Minho saying they were on their way back, and to take care of them as they were drunk. Jisung especially.
He was wondering what was taking them so long, and he could tell Minho had some worry too. His leg shaking up and down. Then, as if on cue, Hyunjin bursts through the door. He has Hannie in his grasp, pulling him along as he tries to resist entering the dorm.
Hyune mumbled, "C'mon. You promised her."
He started to feel flushed, and hot. What does that mean?
He gave Hannie a push towards Chan, and Minho gave a worried look to both of them. He was expecting the worst. Jisung was staring at his feet, playing with his fingers and biting his lip.
Chan didn't think he could feel more disheartened than he already was, but it was apparently possible. Staring at Hannie in front of him, he looked so defeated. What had happened at your house?
Finally he looked up to Chan. And Chan was sure his face mirrored the younger ones anxiety.
Then Han started tearing up, "I'm sorry Channie-hyung!" He wailed, and collapsed into Chan's arms.
Chan was shocked, but he just held him close, and softly shushed him, trying to comfort him. He was trying to offer understanding and his own apologies. But Jisung ignored it babbled on, recanting his negative actions and harsh words. Chan respected the fact that he was apologizing, but he already knew why he had said the things he said. Why he had done the things he did. In fact, he held a sense of pride towards Hanji for it. It wasn't easy for him to stand up to Chan. And while, yes, he was being inappropriate from a certain viewpoint, he expected nothing less from the boy trying to protect his best friend. He couldn't be angry with him about that fact.
If anything he just felt more guilty that he had to protect you from Chan at all.
He continued slurring, stuttering, and sniffling in between talking. His words were barely coherent at this point, but Chan did catch one sentence.
"I thought I was losing her forever because of that night..."
Chan never felt more disappointed in himself, his entire being crumpled. Not only did he hurt you, he hurt Han. He's hurt the other members who grew to care for you just as much as he did. He never intended to hurt anyone, and instead he hurt many. It was all his fault.
With the help of Minho, they dragged Han to bed. Minho stayed with him, tucking him in, then getting him water and paracetamol for the morning. Minho stated he'd be spending the night in Han's room, just in case he was going to be sick. So Chan went out to check on Hyunjin, hoping he wasn't as inebriated but expecting as much. He found him in the kitchen, a bottle of water in one hand and a chip bag in the other.
"You feeling okay, Hyunjin?"
"Yeah, I didn't have as much as Han did..." He trailed off, "Neither did y/n." He was eyeing Chan as he continued, a glint in his eye while he said it.
Chan just nodded and kept silent, knowing he was trying to get at something. And it didn't feel like it was anything but teasing. Hyunjin wasn't having that though, he never did when people ignored what he had to say.
"Y/n made Han apologize you know," He started as he opened his chips, "I mean we both know he would've eventually. But she made him promise he would apologize as soon as he saw you."
That piqued his interest somewhat. He didn't view you as a mean person, but he figured you wouldn't mind seeing him distressed due to Han. In fact when he was standing in front of him, he was sure that he was about to get cussed out. By order of you, maybe. Considering Hyune said that Han promised you something. He wouldn't blame you, he deserved it after all.
But no. You were continuing to be your kind and sweet self. Even towards the person who upset you. He was confused.
"Why?" Chan finally whispered, more to himself than Hyune.
"I believe her words were, 'he's done and sacrificed so much for you' and 'no one knows what's going through his head'. So she suggested that he, well more like intimidated him, to apologize." He said while dipping his hand into the bag of chips, "It was cute, really. She was almost... protective."
With that he popped a chip in his mouth, and went off to bed, leaving Chan dumbstruck in the kitchen yet again.
His heart was thumping in his ears, unsure of how to interpret those words. But they meant something, right? Hyunjin was a tease, sure, but he must know what happened. He wasn't just teasing about this? Surely he wouldn’t go to that extent.
'No one knows what's going through his head.'
You were right. No one knows. You don't know. He needed to talk to you, he needed to let you know. He needed to let you in, even if it was hard.
Suddenly he felt hope again. It was small and shriveled, but alive. He was sure with enough care and nourishment, something precious could bloom from it.
![Redamancy: Part II['red-a-man-sE] Noun ;a Love Returned In Full](https://64.media.tumblr.com/a1d9b224c95716203c6eb17b9da490c4/cf2ac1da5fca660a-94/s500x750/bb338a0eaa4018d2dfc1874d7268337f8a9b1937.png)
The week flew by, and now it was nearing the weekend again. Things almost felt normal. You had returned to the office regularly, no longer working from home. Your time with Ji had gone back to normal, Jinnie often tagging along now. And the other members were glad you had started showing up again too. Everyone was excited to recommence the late night antics at their dorm tonight.
You couldn't help but notice Chan seemed relieved too, a little too relieved. Even though you clearly gave him the cold shoulder. It didn't seem to bother him. You obviously have an idea of why his attitude towards you changed drastically, but what you don't have an idea of is what his goal is. You can't necessarily say he's acting as if nothing had happened anymore, because of his new demeanors. But he still hasn't mentioned anything to you directly. His gall was starting to irritate you. His mixed signals were angering you.
If you were to think logically and assume, maybe in his head, he had been attempting some sort of effort to 'fix' things. But you tried to shut it down every single time, still unsure of his reasoning. Because he still never brought up that night, and was acting as if nothing happened at all. As if his reasoning for trying to be more friendly didn't exist. It was ridiculous.
Before that night, it was always you making sure to greet him first, you striking up small talk, you trying to crack jokes with him. All small and simple gestures, but gestures nonetheless. If only to keep things polite and civil. The tables seemed to have turned, and now he was initiating it all. In front of others you were short with him, but made sure to still be polite. There was a deeper detachment than before, and it didn't go unnoticed by the others either. Though they kept their mouths shut, only eyeing the interactions between you two.
In your head you figured that he'd get the hint and stop trying so hard at whatever it was he was trying at. You hoped it would trigger a conversation about that night finally. It got to the point where it started to create an awkward vibe in the presence of the others. But no, he still wouldn't stop. He just amped it up, and now the dynamic was once again changing.
He'd figured out the exact times you would take your breaks, and would manage to catch you before anyone else could. When you stepped off the elevator, he'd be waiting for you with a smile, and offer to buy you a snack. You'd decline, instead opting to take a small walk and stretch your legs. When you get back to your desk you'd find your favorite cookies on them, or your favorite candy bar, or your favorite drink from the vending machine. They were always wrapped nicely or bagged with a bow, with a note attached. It usually reads something like, 'don't forget to eat today! --Channie'.
You would always hand them out to your co-workers, or offer the singular items to your office bestie, before crumpling the note and throwing it out.
He'd taken to somehow always being there to hold a door open for you. Or trying to hold your bags when he caught you using the stairs instead of the elevator, actively trying to avoid him. Or when you were helping staff move the camera equipment from room to room, he'd try to take the load off your hands. It always ended in you snapping at him in a whisper. And him furrowing his brows like he didn't understand what he did wrong.
It's not that his actions were wrong, actually. They were the opposite, but why? Why was he doing all this, when he never did before. He was putting all this effort into acts of service, when all you wanted to do was talk. It was hard for you to bring it up, especially when he was acting so sweet yet pissing you off at the same time.
You should've realized it'd be hard for him to bring it up too, but you didn't. Because of that, there was the Wednesday incident.
You were heading home for the day, not having had a run in with Chan all day, and unsure how to feel about it. You were almost out the door when you heard heavy footsteps coming towards you from across the lobby, and your stomach twisted.
Chan.
"Hey! Wait!" He said with a smile, "I'll walk you to your car."
You'd had enough at that point. You rolled your eyes, and continued out the door. But you knew he'd catch up anyways.
As his pace aligned with yours, he kept talking, "Sorry I couldn't catch you at all today, it was a busy one. It still is, I think I'll be stuck in the studio all night. Han too, we finally figured out the ho--"
"Chan!" You cut him off, "Really? What makes you think I'm in the mood to talk to you? What makes you think I was waiting for your presence at all? You don't need to apologize for being busy. We're at work. We're working. It's what we do." You spat out, more abrasive than you've ever been to him.
He looked at you wide eyed, and you felt something akin to guilt pang in your chest. Immediately you ignored it, and kept walking. Only for him to latch onto your arm gently.
"I don't understand." He said, discouragement lacing his voice. "I'm trying to... trying to--"
"Trying to what? What exactly is it that you're trying to do? Because I can't figure it out. You're being so hot and cold, you went from one extreme to the other. I don't know how to decipher that."
"I just want things to go back to being okay again! I want us to be normal again." He said exasperated.
"Okay?!" You chuckled, "Normal? Our normal was borderline avoiding each other, which I am keeping up with very well, thank you. Our normal was talking to each other out of necessity. Our normal was little to no interaction, unless we're in a group. Whatever you're trying at, it's not our normal!" You shouted.
"No, what I mean is-" but you cut him off again, too heated to think logically.
"Our normal definitely didn't include me against a wall, and your fingers inside me and around my throat. THAT is not our normal. And I know it made things uncomfortable. And I know you regret it. But how can you expect things to go back to being whatever you think 'okay' is, if we haven't even talked about it?" You took a second to suck air into your lungs that seemed to be burning with rage.
"Instead you talk to me like that night never happened, and then you behave as if we've been best friends forever. You act as if that behavior, whatever your reason for it, isn't influenced by that night. You talk to me about things we never talked about before. We never caught up on how each other's day was, we never checked in with each other to make sure the other ate, we never took breaks together to get coffee or a snack and chat. You're expecting me to be the same as you, and ignore what happened. But I can't Chan, I can't do it. All I want is closure, instead it feels almost like I'm being led on. Before that happened, I was insignificant to your life. Our only connection being Ji! Then... then in an instant everything changed and then it changed again. It's confusing Chan. I'm lost here."
The tears were brimming in your eyes, and his ears were the brightest red you've ever seen. The flush went to his cheeks, and down his neck, and the grip he had on your arm was trembling. He started to open his mouth again, but you were quick to stop him. You felt like all he would give you right now is excuses, and you weren't ready to hear that.
"Please, Chan. I'm the one who's trying. I'm trying to move past it, like you seem to want to. But it's harder for me. When I feel like this, all I want to do is go home and hide. I can't do that though, not again. I'm trying to be civil. I'm trying to be polite, for the sake of everyone in our lives. But you keep pushing for some sort of friendship we never had..." You felt the dampness on your cheeks now, and before you knew it, your last sentence slipped through, "And did it ever occur to you that I wanted more than a simple friendship?"
At that he let your arm fall, and he took in a shaky breath. You figured now was the time he would say something, but he seemed frozen. Then he spoke in a soft tone.
"I'm so sorry y/n, I promise I can explain..."
That was it, your heart started to ache at the thought of his words. You weren't ready to be rejected again. So you rubbed your cheeks, one at a time, swiping the tears away and sniffling. He reached towards you again, stepping closer, but you stepped back.
"I need to go."
And you left. You got in your car, and you held it all in. The whole drive home, you refused to let yourself process any of the conversation. Which in reality was less of a conversation, and more you blowing up on Chan.
It wasn't until you stepped through your door that you sunk to the floor, back against your front door and started sobbing. You let it all out. The guilt for yelling at him. The despair over the rejection, that never left your heart. The embarrassment over the entire situation and how you were acting. Your unjust, pure anger. It all just came out in tears. You couldn't stop them, your only focus was on breathing when you could.
You didn't know how long you stayed like that, hugging your knees and bawling your eyes out. But the sound of keys jingling, and the pressure of the door pushing against your back, is what snapped you out of that grief stricken daze.
"Oh, Jagiya..." You registered Hans voice as you stood up to move, you forgot you gave him keys to your place.
He scooped you into his chest, squeezing you tight. You held onto him, just as firm.
"Wait..." You were confused, Chan said they both would be late in the studio, "What are you doing here?"
He pulled back and scanned your face as you sniffled. He sighs, and leads you into your kitchen, wetting a towel and dabbing at your puffy eyes and cheeks before drying them. Once you seemed to be in a pacified state, he continued.
"An unintelligent kangaroo I happen to know, told me I should head home early and check on you. He seems to be more intelligent than I thought." He tried to make light of the situation, but guilt bubbled up in you once again.
"Wanna talk about what happened?" He offered.
And so you word vomited at him. Retelling the whole scene word for word, since the words were mostly your own. He listened, nodding when necessary, and humming in agreement to some parts. When you were done, you looked at him and waited.
He was looking down with his arms crossed, leaning against your kitchen counter. He looked deep in thought.
"Well?" You said desperately.
"Well, I think it's good one of you finally broke the ice on it. You got it off your chest, you said what you needed to. Yeah, maybe you were rude. But now the door to talk about it finally was opened. However, maybe you should've heard him out. Seems like he could barely get a word in edgewise. If I know you when you're angry, which I do, I know you never planned on letting him speak. You always have to have the last word, my little attack chihuahua."
Then he poked your forehead, "Stubborn. Defensive. Both of you."
You groaned, "I know, I know. I'm already beating myself up over it."
"When will either of you learn? You don't need to beat yourself up over it, you just need to communicate. You missed your opportunity today, but that doesn't mean all hope is lost. I know he really wants to talk to you."
"Talk again?" You scrunch your face at the idea, even while knowing it had to happen.
"Apologize, is more like it." He retorted.
Your face dropped, but you knew he was right.
"Hey, you made me do it. And it was the right thing to do. Like you said, no matter how angry I am, I needed to apologize. The same rules apply to you... Plus I've been hesitant to say this but..."
"What?"
"If he wanted to stop in the middle of it all, he had every right to. I know it hurts but, no means no, you know?"
Guilt flooded your veins yet again, are you really coming across as some sort of hostile person after facing a rejection? You suppose it was half right, which made you feel disappointed in yourself. You were no better than the men who throw tantrums when women reject them. In your mind though, you were more upset at ignoring it all.
"I know that, and currently I'm not angry because sex didn't happen. I'm angry because I don't understand why it almost happened, and I want an explanation. I just want to know why he was so cold to me the entire time before it happened, and why he tried to act like nothing happened and was friendlier to me afterwards. If he wanted to stop because he changed his mind and wasn't feeling it, that's fine. But he could've said that, I'd be hurt because I like him so much, but I'd get over it. Why I'm upset now is because I don't like the mixed signals. I don't like the unknown. I want closure."
"To get closure you have to talk to him y/n, you avoid him just as much as he used to avoid you. Now that he's stopped, you're still avoiding him. And acting kind of rude to him, we've all seen it. The fake smiles don't really hide the contempt in your eyes. You're always valid in your emotions always, but I've recently learned that it's the reaction that you are held responsible for. That goes for him too, even though his reactions may not be as hostile as yours. His reaction of ignoring it, is just as hurtful to you. But... I have a feeling if you hear him out, you'll get your closure."
Again, you knew he was right about it all. You knew you had been bitter and immature about the entire situation. You paced for a moment, thinking about how you could even apologize to him. He'd been trying to fix things, and talk just like you wanted. Why have you held on to all that anger for so long? You were in the wrong too, more so than he was. You needed to apologize quickly.
"Just take the night to process and decompress. You'll have plenty of opportunities to talk with him, especially since his mission in life lately is just that. Again, we've all noticed it, he can't seem to leave you alone."
"Do you know what he's up to?" You squint your eyes at Ji suspiciously.
"He won't tell anyone exactly why he's doing what he's doing. But I have my own speculations, which I won't be sharing because I'm not trying to meddle and put ideas in your head. After talking with him a bit tonight, I don't think he's aiming to hurt you, that's for sure."
You sighed again, and nodded.
"Now. Dinner and comfort anime? I'm thinking.... Nana?"
"God, yes please. I need a distraction from realizing how much of an asshole I was. That I was actually the one starting issues." You groan, and you both plop down the couch and start to order food.
![Redamancy: Part II['red-a-man-sE] Noun ;a Love Returned In Full](https://64.media.tumblr.com/a1d9b224c95716203c6eb17b9da490c4/cf2ac1da5fca660a-94/s500x750/bb338a0eaa4018d2dfc1874d7268337f8a9b1937.png)
Ji went home half an hour ago, and you're now staring at your phone. Debating the text you typed up to Chan. Your finger was hovering over the send button. It would be better to apologize in person, but you weren't sure you could face him without some sort of emotional outburst anymore. It was something you needed to work on. So maybe smoothing things over through text before you spoke with him would help.
You read it over one last time... God you sounded too professional, like you were talking to your boss. You hit send anyway, you weren't going to come up with anything better to say. You put your phone down, only for it to buzz a minute later.
![Redamancy: Part II['red-a-man-sE] Noun ;a Love Returned In Full](https://64.media.tumblr.com/1e820f03e1ef32538188709249bd7b3b/cf2ac1da5fca660a-9e/s640x960/769401b555ec3a030a8de54b38131026723dda69.png)
Good... things are starting to get better. Or so you thought.
![Redamancy: Part II['red-a-man-sE] Noun ;a Love Returned In Full](https://64.media.tumblr.com/a1d9b224c95716203c6eb17b9da490c4/cf2ac1da5fca660a-94/s500x750/bb338a0eaa4018d2dfc1874d7268337f8a9b1937.png)
You didn't see him at all on Thursday, nor spoke to him. You didn't see Jiji either, but he confirmed through text that Chan had been cooped up with him in the studio. You felt bad, knowing you probably added more stress to their jobs. Especially considering Ji ditched work yesterday to comfort you.
Now it was Friday, and they were back at work in the studio again. Hyunjin was over yours because he finished up early, the both of you were just hanging out. Waiting for everyone else to get out. The nine of you were recommencing weekend get togethers.
"You should bring them food." Hyunjin, who was currently laying across your couch suggested.
He could sense your anxiety, constantly checking your phone for the time. He knew you wanted to talk to Chan, finally.
"I don't want to interrupt them, I already did that yesterday." You mumbled.
"Tch, like either of them would really view you as an interruption. They'd be elated."
"Ji? Yes, yes he would. You know things are weird between me and Chan though." You whined.
"Mmm, but this could be your chance to fix it." He suggested in a sing-song voice.
You actually debated it, but you didn't want to prolong his work tonight by stealing time for a conversation. A most likely lengthy conversation.
You looked at the clock, still debating and wondering if you had time. When you saw the time you realized it was much later than you thought.
"Shit, forget food. We're going to be late."
Hyunjin glanced at the time and nodded, "Alright, let's head to mine."
You grabbed your keys and headed for the door, Hyunjin followed and soon you both were in the car on the way to the dorm.
Once you got there, and Hyunjin let you in, you realized everyone was already here, judging by the pile of shoes. It seemed, the majority were getting cleaned up and changed into fresh clothes.
"I'm going to change too! I need to get out these jeans and into something comfier. Just make yourself at home!" He said while heading to his bedroom.
You sat on the couch and started scrolling on your phone. You were laughing at a funny video when you heard someone walking down the hall. Of course Chan is the first to finish, and he decides to join you on the couch. He takes the seat next to you, like right next to you.
"Um... Do you have to sit so close?" You say in the softest voice you could manage.
Remember. Stay level headed, no snapping, no meltdown, no blow ups. Don't yell.
He looks at you a bit defeated, and moves to the other end of the couch.
You sigh. Things were still touchy. It can't keep continuing on like this, it's too uncomfortable for you both. You have to apologize and make amends. It's now or never, but he speaks before you the chance.
"Y/n. Is now a good time to talk?" He says in a serious tone, with a stern look on his face.
You tense under his gaze, and your stomach feels like it's sinking. Was he that mad at you? You kind of understand why though.
"S-sure." You stuttered.
His eyes darkened, tongue poking his cheek. He's getting shifty now, and glancing down the hallway.
"Do you mind if we talk in private?"
You suppose it would be even more uncomfortable if someone else happened across you two discussing this. So when he stands up and heads towards his room, you follow him into it.
His room was neat. You'd never been in it before, and sure, you've seen the live streams. But it was a very different feeling, seeing it through a screen versus being inside it.
He sits on his bed, and pats the spot next to him for you to sit. You opt for leaning against the door, arms crossed in front of you. You were feeling defensive still, and didn't want to push your limits. It was his turn to sigh now, as he hung his head.
"Y/n I meant it when I said I'm really tryi--"
"Can I say something first... and then I promised I won't interrupt you again."
He just nods, with his tongue poking his cheek again. You know you're pushing his buttons, but you felt you needed to apologize before anything. Now you decided to sit next to him, twisting your torso to face him. And he did the same to face you.
"I'm sorry for the way I acted. It was incredibly childish." You sighed, "I know you had every right to change your mind, and I shouldn't have gotten so angry over it. I never meant to act so toxic towards you. I should've just accepted the fact that you wanted to stop and moved on. But the truth is... I've liked you for a while now. So when that happened, in my head, I took it as you reciprocating my feelings. Which doesn't make any sense, because you never knew of my feelings.”
Chan snorted a bit, trying to conceal a laugh.
“Then when you stopped, paired with the look on your face, it felt like you realized you made a mistake doing that with me. You looked like you were disgusted. Which I promise you, I now totally understand if that's the case. But it still hurt me... regardless, I shouldn't have reacted the way I did. So again, I'm sorry. I truly am. I hope you can forgive me." You managed to get it all out clearly, with a steady tone.
He was staring at you with a thoughtful look on his face, soaking in your words, processing. Then he smirked, and that was the last thing you expected.
"I guess you were acting a little bratty." He chuckled a bit.
Then he reached for your hand, putting his on top of yours. You felt the fluttering in your stomach at his simple action. But you flipped your hand over anyways, palm up and letting him hold it.
"But y/n, you've got it all wrong, and it's partly my fault." He started, and your eyebrows furrowed, a look of confusion falling on your face.
"I like you too," he squeezed your hand gently, and it was oddly comforting, "The reason I stopped is because I didn't want you to think that all I wanted from you was sex. Because I want so much more."
Were you dreaming? Is he really confessing right now? Even after how horrible you were towards him?
"I know the way I acted before doesn't exactly translate to me having feelings for you." He continued, "The truth is I was too scared to confess, until that night. The liquor gave me that extra boost of confidence, and you just... looked so beautiful. And the game we played, and catching you look my way multiple times. It almost confirmed to me that you wanted me too. Because I wanted you then and there. So when I saw you in the hallway, I thought it was my chance. But I let the lust take over."
Heat started to spread in your lower stomach at his words, and he kept going.
"I wanted to do things the proper way. I wanted to confess, and ensure that you knew I was serious about you, and not a fling. I wanted to take you out on dates, and properly ask you to be mine. I should have just said it all that night. I got scared again though, and just froze. And I know the way I was acting right after was confusing, I didn't mean to give you mixed signals."
Your head was spinning with all the information he was sharing, it truly felt like you were in a daydream. Then you found your voice again.
"It felt like you were disgusted with me." You whispered, "And then you were acting so nonchalant about the whole thing, as if it never happened. I guess I was assuming things."
He cupped your cheek, and comfortingly rubbed his thumb against it
"I could never be disgusted by you, love."
You had to resist a shiver at him calling you that pet name.
"I wanted us both to be sober too. That's why I idiotically told you to drink water, and rest. And the next morning, I was so nervous because you were rushing to leave. You had tears in your eyes, I said the first thing to pop into my head. I was hoping to talk about everything that morning. But then you walked out the door, and I felt like I had no right to stop you. Then Hannie was so mad at me, you stopped coming around. I felt like I fucked everything up and I lost all hope for a while." He sounded distraught.
“Until Hannie argued with me, yelling at me to fix things. He outright put the entire blame on me, and he did this in front of everyone. So that experience paired with your disappearance from our lives, especially Hannies life. He was so lost without you, I knew I had to try and fix it right away. I had been wanting to, I was just so unsure how to go about it. But Han's words pushed me to just go for it."
You took the opportunity to scoot closer to him, side by side now. He threw his arm around your waist.
"The elevator... ugh. I was just so hurt, I was so sure that you were going to come up with excuses, try to let me down easy. I was terrified of the rejection. I had no idea, I'm sorry."
"Stop apologizing, we were both a little clueless about everything."
"I guess we were just a little stupid, huh?" You laughed.
He chuckled, "Just a bit."
"Then when Hyunjin happened to mention something, that's when I fully had hope again. So I tried to approach you, and be friendly, and get you snacks. I tried to help you out at work when I could. I was still unsure of how to bring it up to you." He admitted.
You felt so ashamed, "And then I went and yelled at you. I didn't even let you speak, ugh. I'm so sorry."
"Again with the apologizing," He chuckled, "I told you, we were just confused about it. There was a lot of miscommunication... when we did talk anyways."
"I know, I was feeling and throwing mixed signals. All I wanted the entire time was to talk about it. Yet, I tried to avoid you at all costs. It doesn't exactly make sense. God, I was so... so childish."
"You were feisty is what you were. And I'm sure you still are." He joked.
You giggled. It was unbelievable how understanding he was. It was more shocking how wrong you were about his feelings. You had completely misconstrued everything. Assuming the worst. You couldn't be happier about being so wrong.
Nuzzling into his chest, and wrapping your arm around his torso, had him humming contently. But then you thought of what he said earlier.
"What did Hyunjin say...?"
He cleared his throat, "When you made Hannie apologize to me, Jin said that you were acting almost protective over me. It made me think that I had a chance of proving my feelings for you."
"So that's the true reason why you were so friendly, and constantly getting me things and trying to help me out. You were lowkey trying to confess.” You looked up to him smiling.
He was blushing now, "Yeah, but I realize I was still doing things a little out of order. I'm terrible at communicating I guess."
"Channie..." you said for the first time, and his blush got deeper, "I know it means a lot to you to do things traditionally. And I appreciate the effort you put in to accomplish that. But to me, it doesn't matter as much. We could've figured everything out afterwards." You said softly, and he was smiling down at you.
"I guess I should catch up to the modern age." He joked.
"Never! You prove that chivalry isn't dead. I love that you're a romanticist. Don't change." You laughed, "And... the communication problems? That's something we can both work on. I need to fix that in me too."
You felt him tense, and he caught your chin between his fingers, pushing you to look up at him further. You felt the warmth of his breathing spread across your face, he had that same look on his face as when he leant in to kiss you that night. Wetness was now pooling in your panties, and you had to resist clenching your thighs together. He was so in tune with your body language, and he caught it last time. You're sure he would notice again. You didn't want him to think you were rushing him into sex.
"So... does that mean you want to give us a go?" He was so serious when he said it, you could see the glint of excitement in his eyes though.
"Of course, it's a dream come true." You smiled at him.
He was quick to bring his lips to yours, kissing you sweetly, softly. You sighed into the kiss, and felt like you were melting into him as you turned your body towards him more. You brought your hands up, one resting on the side of his neck, the other on his shoulder. He brought his other hand to the back of your head, and combed his fingers into your curls.
He pulled you closer, deepening the kiss, licking your bottom lip. Your tongue met his, and soon you were wrestling against his for dominance. He started leaning you back against his bed, adjusting himself on top of you, knees on either side of your thighs. His hands roamed your body and he never broke away from your lips. You were nearly panting into his mouth, giving up and allowing him to explore your mouth. Your hands clutching his shirt like it would save you. The kiss was messy, downright sloppy, and you loved it. You were both desperate for this.
You wanted to imprint his touch into your mind. Every area he grazed made you feel tingly all over. Your entire body was oversensitive for him. You'd never felt like this with anyone else.
Then he was playing with the hem of your shirt, his fingers grazing your stomach. You mewled at that, and he groaned. It was so high pitched it nearly sounded like a whimper.
"Please... I still want you." He whispered against your lips.
You were breathing heavy, chest heaving. You couldn't help it when your hips bucked up, letting yourself get consumed by lust, "Yes, god yes. I need you."
He re-positioned himself, lowering his body onto yours and letting his hips grind into you. You could feel his length against you through his shorts, and you whined. Even this felt like ecstasy, he almost made you cum last time from dry humping. He was so skilled at making sure you got friction exactly where you needed it. It was driving you feral.
His lips attached to your neck, kissing, sucking, and biting his way down to your chest. His hand groped your breast, kneading it. Then he rolled over, flipping your position, so you were on top of him. It was your turn to grind your hips, your core rubbing directly on his erection. He threw his head back, mouth hanging open. His hands gripped your waist, helping you move against him.
Things felt less rushed this time around. It felt like all time stopped, and the only thing that existed in the world was you and him. You wanted to be lost in this passion with him forever. The high he made you feel, made your head all hazy with desire.
"Fuck..." He whispered as he looked up at you, seeing how fucked out you looked already.
His hands slipped underneath your shirt, pulling it up. You took the hint and ripped it off, unclasping your bra afterwards.
You had to admit, you felt your face flush again, at being exposed to him. But he soon wiped the thought from your mind, leaning up and placing soft kisses all over your chest. He kissed up to your collar bones, he kissed each mound, kissed in between them, he even kissed your nipples so gently.
You were learning he was a tease.
One hand was kneading your breast again, the other braced against your back. Then his lips closed around one of your nipples, and his hot tongue swirled around it. His hand now playing with the other. Pinching, flicking, and rubbing. He braced the hand against your back, pushing you into him more, while he sucked your nipple harshly. You whimpered, and your hips started rolling against him again.
He pulled off with a pop, and mumbled "I could worship these tits love, all of you is so gorgeous."
His words made you blush, and then he pushed you onto your back again. He clearly wasn't scared to manhandle you at all. He was quickly unbuttoning and unzipping your jeans.
"Need to tase you..." He mumbled again.
You liked needy Chan, somehow he kept the perfect balance of dominant yet deprived for you. He positioned himself between your legs, kissing and licking every inch of them. He held your inner thigh, pushing your legs apart to expose your panties. He placed a kiss on your clothed center, and groaned at the wet spot that was already there. His tongue peeked out, and he licked a slow stripe up, making your underwear wetter. Your eyes rolled back and you sighed, craving more.
And did you mention that you loved how vocal he was?
He licked his lips as he glanced up at you, mumbling "Taste so good, 'M gonna be addicted. Wanna be between your thighs all the time."
Then he spoke more clearly, with a smirk on his face "You're going to sit on my face one day. I want you to ride it."
You whined at the thought, and pushed your hips up, searching for friction. He took the opportunity to slide your panties to the side, and his tongue slid between your folds immediately.
You moaned loudly as his tongue flicked against your clit. You felt like you were on fire, yet shivering at the goosebumps spreading all over your body. Your hand reached down to his hair, and he groaned again, making his lips vibrate against you.
"Mmm... fuck." You moaned as you rocked your hips against his face.
He has no objections, but he momentarily paused to rip your panties off. Then he wraps his arms around each thigh, forcing you to open wider for him. He buried his face in you, letting his tongue dip into your entrance.
You gasped at the intrusion, your hand squeezing tighter into his hair. It had you nearly wailing. You'd never felt that before, and you think you could cum from it.
When his lips closed around your clit, he sucked. You were panting, feeling that familiar pleasure slowly coil in your lower abdomen.
He wasn't shy at all about devouring you, making slurping and squelching sounds. He brought his hand to your entrance, and slipped two fingers inside. You moaned, and he let you adjust before curling his fingers and pumping into you. Your orgasm is building faster now.
Writhing on the bed, and clutching his sheets, he did his best to keep you still. You were a moaning and whining mess. You couldn't help but be loud. His hand moved faster, as the tip of his tongue flicked at your clit. It was all too much as you felt your climax wash over your. You let out a desperate groan, your legs quivering as his hand squeezed your thigh tighter, preventing you from squeezing your legs shut.
Once you whimpered at the overstimulation, he stopped. Giving your clit one last kiss, sending one last shiver up your spine. Your chest was heaving, you were out of breath. He climbed up your body, wiping your juices and his saliva off his chin with the back of his hand. When he kissed you again, you could taste yourself on him, and you hummed as you licked against his tongue.
He kept kissing you, and you tugged at his shirt, "No fair, I'm completely naked and you're fully dressed."
He chuckled and sat up, pulling his shirt off. You reached up to feel his abs, fingers tracing between each muscle. You moved up to his pecks, and when your palm grazed against his nipple, he hissed. Picking up on it, it was your turn to kiss his chest, making sure to pay special attention to his nipples. Your tongue lapping at them, and then sucking them.
He quickly turned into a whining mess. His voice making you grow wetter, and clenching around nothing.
You really loved how vocal he was.
He made quick work of pulling his pants and boxers off, and leaned back down to kiss you. The pressure of his weight on top of you was comforting, and you placed your arms on his shoulders. His cock twitched against your core, and you were mewling again.
He smiled against your lips and whispered, "Is my love needy right now?"
Then his fingers wrapped around your neck, and you bit your lip. Your hand was now on top of his, making him squeeze lightly, and you whined.
"Does my baby girl want to be choked right now?”
"Chan if you don't fuck me right now, I swear I'll--"
Before you could finish, he was gripping the base of his member. Sliding into you at a steady pace, and you gasped. He lets you adjust again. The length surprised you, and his girth stretched you deliciously. You always knew this man was hung.
His hand never left your throat, and he did add more pressure around it. But you still desperately needed more.
He must've read your mind, or at least your face, "You're really into breathplay huh? Need it harder?"
Your mind was clouded in pleasure, you felt so full having him inside you. His hand on your throat only heightens it. So you nodded as best you could.
"Remember, I need the words baby girl."
"Yes, yes, fuck yes." You moaned.
He nearly growled as he pulled out and snapped his hips into you sharply. He kept pumping into you. Rolling his hips into you roughly, skin slapping against skin. His hand squeezed your throat tightly, cutting off all oxygen and then easing up, so you could get a proper breath in. Everything felt blissful, consumed by need.
Your hips started rolling, meeting each of his thrusts. You were focused on making sure you both got off.
He had his eyes closed, face scrunched in concentration and panting, "Shit, you're so wet love. So tight, gonna cum too fast."
You clenched around him hearing that, and let out another whimper. You felt it building up in you again. His pace became uneven, and you knew he was nearing his climax.
"Please..." he begged with a strangled whine, "Cum with me, can't hold on much longer."
"Channie... so close, just a little more." You panted back.
He removed his hand from around your neck and down to your clit, rubbing quickly in little circles. That was all you needed to let go, becoming a moaning and quivering mess. Your walls were clenching around him again, as you rode out your orgasm.
He groans, hips stuttering before he pulls out of you. Giving himself a few pumps, he let out a loud and strangled cry as he finished. He was spurting ropes of cum all over your stomach, only slowing when the last of it was dripping down his cock and onto his fingers.
It was so sensual, you grabbed his hand and sucked them into your mouth. Making sure to lick them clean, keeping eye contact with him. His lips parted and he was looking at you so affectionately. When you finally popped them out of your mouth, he immediately caressed your face.
"How are you so perfect?" He murmured.
He bent down and pressed a gentle kiss against your lips, and you slowly moved yours with his. This kiss was different, less desperate and more so savoring the moment. You felt lost in him. Nothing else mattered right now but you and him, the rest of the world melted away. You two were in your own bubble, and you couldn't be happier.
When he pulled away, he spoke "That was amazing, my love."
"It was." You giggled.
"I'm sorry it was a little rushed, I was craving you so bad." He said as he rested his head in the crook of your neck, a little embarrassed.
Your fingers brushed through his hair. He was right, it was rushed on both ends. You both were a little clumsy, figuring out each other's bodies for the first time. But that doesn't mean the sex was horrible, he made you cum twice.
"We'll have plenty of chances to take our time with each other. I think after everything, we were both hopelessly desperate for each other, and like you said. It was amazing Channie."
"I like hearing Channie coming from you, as different as it is."
"Mmmm, I have to think of another pet name. You claimed 'love' already."
He just chuckled, "You can call me whatever you want, Channie, love, Jagi. I don't mind."
"I think Ji would keel over if I called you Jagi instead of him." You giggled.
"Hannie can deal with it, he's not the only man in your life that's close to you anymore."
Chan got up to get you a towel, and cleaned you up.
You felt satisfied, laying down facing each other, and still embracing.
"So, about the other chances you mentioned. Maybe we can try out the edging you like so much. And all it takes for me to truly dom you is flipping a switch in my head and not holding back. I'm just not sure you can handle it."
"I can handle it, I'll be your perfect little sub." You snuggle closer to him.
"Hmmm, why do I doubt that for some reason. We already know how bratty you are."
"That just means more punishments for me, which I'm sure we'll both love."
"Is that so?" He started leaning in to kiss you.
Suddenly there was banging on the door.
"Are you two finished? I'm assuming your finished since all the noise stopped." Hanji yelled.
You looked wide eyed at Chan and he had a smug smile on his face.
"We'd like you to join us, we're playing cards against humanity tonight. Besides it's my time with my Jagi again, I'd like to be able to see you." Jiji shouted through the door.
You both scrambled to dress yourselves. He gave you his t-shirt, and some sweats. Slipping on nearly the same outfit, you opened the door to a pouting Ji. His face slowly transformed into a smirk as he looked you up and down.
"Better fix your sex hair babes, although I guess there’s no hiding your hickies and bruises though." He leaned in and whispered, "I didn't know you liked it that rough, his fingers are clear as day on your neck. You nympho." He poked your tummy repeatedly.
You nudged him and rolled your eyes, "Shut up."
Channie came up behind you, and wrapped his arms around your waist, giving you a back hug. Just like that, Ji was back to pouting.
"This means I have to share my cuddle time, ugh." He whined.
Chan just patted the top of his head, laughing, "You'll get used to it."
"Hmph. I'm not going to stop calling her Jagi or babe or any other pet names. I was here first!" He stated.
Chan just chuckled, "I wouldn't expect you to Hannie."
He just turned around, still pouting, and headed back to the living room. You and Channie followed behind him, hand in hand. Eyes glued to each other, and smiling.
"Oh great, we have to deal with this now, on top of you and Han overdosing us with PDA?" Seungmin complained.
"I just knew something was up with you two, it's about time you fixed it." Innie commented.
"Yeah, and by the sound of it. Making up went really well." Changbin jokes, then his eyes wander to your neck, "You know, for as much noise you two were making, I'd never expect you'd be choking her in there."
You blushed intensely, and Channie cleared his throat, smiling, and scratching the back of his head. The group laughed, and you and Chan took your seats. Which was him sitting in the chair as usual, and you sitting in his lap.
"God, this is going to take getting used to." Hyunjin said with a smirk.
"You act like you didn't partially help orchestrate this whole thing." Jiji teased.
"What?!" Felix snapped, "And you didn't tell me?" Now he was pouting.
"It wasn't my business to tell. Besides, I only nudged them a little bit to communicate. They both seriously lack in that area." Hyune responded.
"Mmhm, I have to agree with that." Minho chimed in with a smug smile.
"Alright, alright. Enough poking fun at us. All that matters is that things can go back to normal." Chan said.
You faced him, "I still don't think this was our normal before, but it definitely can be our new normal now."
He smiled and gave you a peck on the lips, to which the entire room started gagging, and acting disgusted. They got distracted while setting up the card game, Chan whispered something in your ear.
"I know we've been doing things abnormally, and this might be a little fast. And we also have a lot more to talk about, but... Will you be mine?"
You break out into a huge smile, and press your lips to his ear, "Of course Channie. I'd love nothing more than to be your girlfriend."
He turned his head to kiss you again, except this time it wasn't a peck. Your lips moved in sync for a few seconds, and everyone once again noticed.
"Yeah, you were right Hyune. This is going to take A LOT of getting used to." Felix agreed.
"I don't think I've ever seen Chan-hyung like this before... It's a little weird." Innie chimed in.
"That's because he hasn't done anything like this before. Outright claiming someone? That's new territory for him." Minho said.
"No wonder it was so hard for him to pursue y/n." Seungmin said, "Although I really did have a feeling it was going to be Hannie that ended up with her."
Ji made a face, "Never. Our love isn't romantic, even though we both love skinship."
They were interrupted by the wet sounds of you both still making out.
Ji started pouting again, shouting, "Yah! Are we going to play or what? Surely you can both hold off until later, sheesh."
You pulled away and you and Channie laughed.
"Alright, let's play!" You said excitedly.
Maybe this was new territory for you, but you felt comfortable in it already. You were so glad that you and Channie were able to find solace in each other. Maybe you guys weren't quite in love yet, but you were elated that he returned your feelings fully.
This is the normal that Chan was talking about, and you wouldn't dream of having it any other way.
![Redamancy: Part II['red-a-man-sE] Noun ;a Love Returned In Full](https://64.media.tumblr.com/2de8edbc8702a3584fdeadeee1d2e69d/cf2ac1da5fca660a-0e/s500x750/afaea12ab9d04ef04ec9ea02b15d4dcc04627555.png)
Tag List: @jeonginsleftcheek @solandiszale @schniti-is-in-the-house @helloimacalumgirl @jagibangbangchan
@jupire @juwire @jennibahng @emonatural191 @sailor--sun
@mauvemelon @eczlipse @staytinyluv @bangtanskz17 @daehee
@gbskzlover @danceonmyheyday @sleeping-beau-tay @prettiichocolateprincess @aracy
@bbokarimenu @my-neurodivergent-world @haven-skies @irrevocable-exposure @readr1221
@tsunderelino @joyofbebbanburg @wildtokay @fuckthinking @loud-minhoe
@ddiidi @majorlymismanaged @skzenthusiastt @anylady-fics @antisocialties
@maisyyyyyy @meowmeowminnie @adieu-lisette @lookitsjess @kpopsstuffs
@bubblepop-stay @ohhlittlegirl @ang4lheart @spnwinchestersd
As always, please let me know if you'd like to join the taglist. And if you do, pretty please interact with my fics besides liking. Although I appreciate liking as well! Feedback is always cherished! ♡
But again, please be gentle in your criticism
(I am so lowkey wanting to write a little blurb about Chans behavior on the tour when he disrobes. I also need him to release that song TODAY!)
I'M SO HAPPY YOU ENJOYED IT!!! I was so worried people would really not like it, especially because I made the reader toxic. I love seeing and very much appreciate the support from you and everyone else! You should DEFINITELY post your own fics, if you're comfortable 🩷 I would love to read them!!
Redamancy: Part II ['red-a-man-sE] noun ;a love returned in full
![Redamancy: Part II['red-a-man-sE] Noun ;a Love Returned In Full](https://64.media.tumblr.com/a2771f4d99e59ea80e4b825f244b4e7a/cf2ac1da5fca660a-b5/s500x750/bb7282a84abf15603295c1174b690ec66ff8d552.jpg)
![Redamancy: Part II['red-a-man-sE] Noun ;a Love Returned In Full](https://64.media.tumblr.com/19fe8552bc16056a01f5a99cea651aad/cf2ac1da5fca660a-8c/s500x750/da3cd2c55780672e377b4adba8f5f6cf78703aac.jpg)
![Redamancy: Part II['red-a-man-sE] Noun ;a Love Returned In Full](https://64.media.tumblr.com/569e18bf26e4954496e2cc44b50b17d9/cf2ac1da5fca660a-bb/s500x750/cf49670bec00226b0c98eafe8ed9d7cf8c4a44c0.jpg)
![Redamancy: Part II['red-a-man-sE] Noun ;a Love Returned In Full](https://64.media.tumblr.com/32037d7766e6c1cbc175e045b6f64972/cf2ac1da5fca660a-9f/s500x750/4972bc12adc9066c2b0c77ff2c58987603ab7eff.png)
(If you haven't read part one, you definitely should!)
{ Pairing } - idol!bangchan x staff!afab.reader (bestie!jisung)
{ Genre } - NSFW; s/a/f trifecta, now friends to enemies to lovers, pining
{ Synopsis } - Things are awkward now, you're avoiding each other. In fact you distanced yourself from the entire group. What happens when Ji confronts you? What happens when Chan does a 180 and tries to befriend you? And what happens when Chan finally has you alone in his room?
{ WC } - 14.3k (I am so sorry 🥺) + 2 screenshots
{ Warnings & Tags } - 18+ MDNI, lowkey POV switch , lots and lots of angst, eventual smut & fluff, swearing, use of babygirl, multiple nicknames for members, choking, drinking, bestie jisung crying, hyunjin being a logical romantic, y/n being a little toxic but learning from it, they're honestly both a lotta stupid, oral(f. receiving), dry humping, hickeys and bruising, questionable breath play (please research if you plan on doing this, do it safely), chans nipples are sensitive, he's just sensitive in general with y/n, fingering, needy chan, members teasing, talk of edging, talk of bdsm, these two are VOCAL as hell, so lots of moaning, groaning, whining, whimpering, mewling, and dirty talk during sex, unprotected sex (piv), pull out method (again don't do this, practise safe sex), much cringe, much awkward, but they overcome it (LMK if I forgot any, I'm sorry)
{ Disclaimer } - This work is in no way associated or depicting the actual life of the members of SKZ. It is a fictional piece of work, and I do not own Stray Kids. All works of fiction are loosely inspired by SKZ, and in no way am I saying it is true to their character.
{ A/N } - Alright almost a month later, and I finally finished part two!! Please don't hate meeee, I beg your forgiveness, please. It took me a while because I just couldn't stop writing and adding things. Editing also took FOREVER, because I wasn't confident that it would satisfy you guys. I'm still not sure. So I apologize if this didn't live up to your expectations, again, please be gentle with me ♡. Understand that this is only my 2nd SKZ fic, so I'm still learning about how to portray each character, and how to piece things together seamlessly!
![Redamancy: Part II['red-a-man-sE] Noun ;a Love Returned In Full](https://64.media.tumblr.com/5057567e36d604e6a4398d886a9206da/cf2ac1da5fca660a-b6/s500x750/54e6b1b53629a4a2c4f577d8adbfa2ffaf76850d.png)
Chan was starting to worry. It had been almost two weeks and he still hadn't seen you, nor heard from you. It wasn't like you two really spoke outside of questioning the other about Jisungs' whereabouts. There were the occasional texts, again about Jisung. He didn't know what to say to you to begin with. Apologize? He already did that, and it only seemed to make you more upset. But that was in the moment, and both your emotions were on overdrive.
The other members were starting to notice your absence, questioning Han about it. Asking if you were okay. You'd even started avoiding all the public areas at the building. No one was even sure if you were eating during the day, or there at all. You didn't go to the cafeteria, break rooms, or practise rooms. No one caught you in the lounge areas, elevator, or the stairwell. No one even saw you coming into or leaving the building. It was to the point where Hyunjin was nearly planning steakout missions with Jisung. And poor Ji. He only got to see you twice since that night. A drastic decrease in comparison to how often he usually spends time with you. Chan only knew that because he overheard him talking to Minho about it. That was all he heard before Han noticed him standing there, and left for his room, sending him a spine chilling glare along the way.
And Chan knew it really was all his fault when Minho just gave him a curiously sad look, and patted him on the shoulder. You obviously said something to Han, who said something to Minho. He wonders who else knows how bad he messed up.
He was racking his brain trying to figure out how to fix this. Never in a million years had he thought he'd actually get a chance to experience such a quintessential moment with you. He'd liked you for so long, it was starting to turn into more than that. Ever since he'd seen you helping a new trainee navigate the building, he grew interested in your kind heart first and foremost. He's sure he's been through all the emotions. Excitement, because you started hanging around with them and you fell right into the dynamic so easily. Anxiety, because he didn't know how to approach you at first. Jealousy, when Han got all of the attention from you. Anger, when he thought you and Han started dating secretly. Embarrassment, when he realized how wrong he was. Hope, when you two shared a hug, even though it was a very awkward hug. Despondent, when he still couldn't figure out how to act around you, letting whatever growing friendship you two had begun, stall. And now regretful. But not regret for kissing you, touching you, or nearly fucking you. No, regret that he had stopped.
Such a beautiful moment, where he was truly lost in bliss. And he halted it. He let his anxiety get to him, his internal conflict wouldn't shut up.
He truly was worried about the technicality of it all. The rules, the company, the media, the fans. Worst of all, you would receive the brunt of it. He didn't know how to protect you from it all. He was constantly going back and forth in his head. How could he make it work? Would you even want to make it work? Did you even like him? What did you think about him exactly?
He wasn't blind. Every once in a while he'd catch your eyes on him for a little too long. Any 'accidental' physical contact you had with him would linger. And he knew there was a certain smile you'd reserved just for him. Not to mention, you were always the first to reach out directly, and make conversation with him. He was always too afraid to. He felt like a coward. And when he finally had the courage to make a move, a bold move, a ravenous move... His ego suddenly deflated when he realized his actions could be taken the wrong way.
He panicked.
He doesn't want you to think that he just wants sex from you. That you're just a fling. A one night stand. A hookup. No he wanted to do it the right way. He wanted to take you on a date, he wanted to learn more about you, to meet your friends. He wanted you to meet his family, to meet Berry. He even fantasized about planning a special date to ask you to be his girlfriend. He fantasized about anniversaries, about holidays spent together, a life spent together. He wanted to give you the world. He fell for you hard. And in that moment, he felt like he was doing it all backwards. So he stopped. It nearly killed him, but he stopped. And he should've done anything, quite literally anything else but stop.
When he saw the spark in your eyes dimming, only to be replaced with apprehension. He immediately apologized, and spat out a quick blurb about being inappropriate.
Your entire face just sunk, and he shut down. There was nothing more he could say about it, not in that moment. And he felt even worse when you said you understood, but he didn't let it show. You didn't understand, not really. There was no way in hell you could, and he desperately wanted to just spill everything that second. But he wanted to be sober, wanted you to be sober, so instead he told you to drink water. And go to bed.
What the hell was wrong with him.
He even made sure to wake up early the next morning, anticipating to somehow get the chance to talk to you. When you came running down the hall, he was sure that it was fate. The chance that you two had alone time this early was perfect. He had hoped that this would all be sorted out. If he confessed, maybe you would too. Then he could explain last night, and you two could talk about it. And if it didn't work out like that, at the very least he could try to preserve your friendship. It would be painful to remain just friends, but he didn't want you out of his life. He couldn't imagine that. He doesn’t think he could handle that. After he greeted you, he noticed your eyes had tears in them. You were starting to hyperventilate, and tremble.
Then you were leaving.
Even though he's come up with world class lyrics, he seemed to be failing with his words lately. He didn't ask if you were okay, or what was wrong, or breach the topic that was clearly needing clarification. No, instead, he followed up with asking if you wanted breakfast.
You didn't even look at him. The tone of your voice was glacial, freezing him right to the spot. He'd never heard you sound like that. He just stood there, watching the door close. Listening to your car start, listening to you drive off. And then he stood there more, afraid to move.
When Jisung came running out 15 minutes later, he was still standing there. Han saw your things were gone, and knew that you left. Chan only decided to move when Han uttered five angry words to him.
'You really fucked up, Chan.'
He knew he did. And he didn't know where to begin to fix it...
"--Channie-hyung!"
He whipped his head up, and found Jeongin snapping his fingers in front of face, trying to get his attention.
They'd been at dance practice, taking a break. He only then realized that he'd zoned out the entire time, not eating, not grabbing water, not even sitting down. Just recounting his mistakes, and dwelling on them. Now it was time to get back to work.
Jeongin was giving him a strange look, but he didn't dare question him. In addition to messing things up with you, he'd been too on edge. Snapping at one too many people. He didn't want to risk Chan blowing up on him next.
"Where's Hannie and Hyune?" Chan questions.
"Probably still in the cafeteria..." Minho responds, giving him a knowing look.
Minho was the one keeping both him and Han in check at the moment. He felt bad for forcing him into a position like that, considering he was Chan's younger member. Even if it's just one year. Having to be a mediator daily between his two brothers, he knew it must've taken a toll on him. But he never complained, and Chan was grateful nonetheless.
Chan nodded, and went to grab water from his bag. As he was chugging it, Jisung came into the room and went straight to Minho. Furiously whispering at him, pushing his hair back. Hyunjin trailed in not long after, his eyes darted to Chan, but looked away quickly.
"What's going on?" Seungmin asked.
Minho just put his hand up to him, and the younger one scoffed. He turned to Felix, "The hyungs are acting fucking weird lately."
Felix hummed in agreement, as he continued massaging Changbin.
"Aye, I don't know what's going on either, don't group me in." Changbin grunted.
Chan hesitantly approached the bickering pair, and the look Minho now gave him was one of warning. But it was too late.
"It's all your fault." Han spat at him.
"Excuse me?" He bit back, not expecting such an outburst from him.
Hyunjin quickly jumped up to try and get between them and explain, "We saw y/n in the cafeteria toda-"
"She isn't coming over this weekend again. And she's not letting me over to hers either. She wants to be alone. I wonder why." Han interrupts, crossing his arms.
The room was eerily quiet. Everyone knew something was up, that much was obvious. The fact that Han was slightly vague though, it gives Chan the idea that the exact details remain relatively private.
"Is she still here?" Chan whispers through clenched teeth, holding fierce eye contact with Han, but he's getting more daring.
"She's about to leave. YOU," Han pointed to Chan, poking his finger right into his chest, "need to figure your shit out, and stop playing around. Fix. It."
"HAN JISUNG." Minho yells sternly, "You need to stop being so disrespectful. No matter the situation, remember who you're talking to. Let's take a walk."
He drags Han out of the room, and down the hall.
Chan was left standing there, ears burning and fists trembling at his sides. It was safe to say practice was done early for the day. So he quickly dismissed everyone, and was the first to leave.
He found himself searching for you throughout the building, with no luck. Until the elevator doors opened, he stepped on with his head hung down. So consumed in his own thoughts again, he didn't realize the other person at first.
When he lifted his head to finally greet them, he was faced with you. You refused to even look at his way, choosing to face straight forward at the exit.
"Y/n..." He managed to croak out, weakly.
Silence, still. As soon as the doors opened, you rushed out. He was stuck standing there again.
![Redamancy: Part II['red-a-man-sE] Noun ;a Love Returned In Full](https://64.media.tumblr.com/a1d9b224c95716203c6eb17b9da490c4/cf2ac1da5fca660a-94/s500x750/bb338a0eaa4018d2dfc1874d7268337f8a9b1937.png)
It was early Friday night, and you were already wrapped in the blankets on your bed. Aimlessly scrolling and tapping on tiktok, not even really paying attention to any of the videos.
You weren't used to spending this much time alone, not anymore. You wanted to go see the people who you realized felt like home to you, especially in this foreign country. But you didn't want to deal with the fallout of the oldest. Jiji did beg to come over... You'd been missing him so much. You'd been missing everyone so much, even your co-workers.
Most of the work you do can be done from home, on your personal pc or work laptop. The majority of your co-workers had periods of time where they wouldn't set foot into the building for weeks at a time. You knew it wouldn't be weird to them if you worked from home for a while. So you've been opting to do that, only going into the building if you absolutely needed to.
Until today that is. At nearly 4 in the morning you were cc'd on multiple emails. The constant dinging woke you up. There was a huge issue with a group's new M/V. Footage was corrupted, drafts were deleted, and it had already passed the deadline. They needed all hands on deck. You were in such a rush to come in, you didn't bring any food or drinks with you. You had arrived about an hour after receiving the email, so by the time afternoon rolled around, you needed to get something in your system. Thankfully the major issues had been solved, but now came the fine tuning. You could finish up at home, but truthfully you missed being out and about. Even if it was just at work.
You reluctantly made your way down to the cafeteria, thinking you'd be safe because you know SKZ's schedule for today. You knew they'd be in dance practice. Oh how surprised you were when Jisung nearly tackled you to the ground. He was on you as soon as you came down the stairs to the main level. Your heart hurts when you see the glossy look in his eyes, paired with sadness. Hyunjin was right next to him, trying to pry him off of you and avoid a scene. Instead you pulled him into a group hug, which he eventually accepted, wrapping his arms around the both of you.
They both badgered you with questions. Asking where you'd been, what happened, if you were mad at them. You were honest with them, and nearly broke down again. You weren't okay. You were hurt, and angry. But you assured them that you weren't angry with any of them, besides one obviously. And even though Jiji didn't bring up Chan exactly, or that night, you did. You started ranting about how stupid you felt for what happened. You've been holding it all in for the longest time, the words were rolling off your tongue effortlessly.
You could see that at first, Hyunjin was a little shocked and confused. Possibly embarrassed judging by his pink tinted cheeks. But he held your other hand, that Ji wasn't holding, supporting you either way. You couldn't begin to express your appreciation. You'd half expected all the members to know exactly what happened. You also figured they'd side with Chan, and be upset at you for cutting off all contact basically. Considering Hyunjin didn't know what happened, you knew that wasn't the case. Relief washed over you slightly.
It would be better if less people knew, less people to pick sides. In the grand scheme of things, this was only really between two people. There was no need to involve anyone else directly. On top of that, you'd never ask any of them to pick your side, not only because you know where you'd stand compared to their leader. You also wanted to avoid negative drama, and any arguments that might start with them.
Jisung begged you to come over tonight. Said that they would figure it out, that he would take you to his room even. He tried to make you laugh saying he'd even hang a sign saying 'no Chan's allowed' on his door. But you refused, not wanting to create uneasy tension, or make anyone feel uncomfortable in their own home.
He then offered to come over and have a night just the two of you, and as tempting as it was, you found yourself wanting to be alone. Your go to method for self soothing was always solitude, even if it wasn't always healthy.
You could see him deflating the more you denied his offers to spend time together. The anxiety was growing in his eyes. Knowing him, he was fearing that this was the end of your friendship. That simply could never happen.
'Give me just a few more days, and I'll be over it all. I'll be back to normal.'
That's what you told him, but you didn't even know if that was true. Regardless, you refused to lose your best friend over a situation like this.
One thing's for sure, you need to stop isolating. It wasn't helping as much as you convinced yourself it would. Just as you were debating texting Ji that you changed your mind, and to come over. Your phone chimed, and it was Jiji, he texted you first.
![Redamancy: Part II['red-a-man-sE] Noun ;a Love Returned In Full](https://64.media.tumblr.com/0fb5104b101f3a95a28f228420632250/cf2ac1da5fca660a-a2/s640x960/d41dc75c17d7c8b5089b212df0cae0f7d7688966.png)
You threw the blankets off, opting to keep on your pajama shorts instead of changing. You slid a hoodie on over your cami though, because you refused to put a bra on.
They're your friends and you know they'd never judge you or your home. Still you tidied up the take out containers, cups, and cans left in your kitchen and living room. You folded your throw blankets, and fluffed up the pillows on your couch. You quickly picked up the clothes strewn across your apartment, and threw them into your room. You'd deal with the laundry later. Lastly, you went to take the garbage out, and as you turned to go back inside, a car drove up and Ji hopped out. He was in a hoodie, with the hood pulled up. He also wore sunglasses, and a black mask.
"Y/nie!" Ji said and ran up to hug you.
"Long time no see." You joke, wrapping your arms around him.
Hyunjin was also semi disguising himself, also in a hoodie. He had a baseball cap on, with his hood also up. He covered his eyes with the visor, and wore a black mask as well. He sent off the driver with a thank you and wave.
"Don't tease. It's been an excruciating amount of time. I need to recharge." He said squeezing you tighter.
"Hey y/n." Hyunjin walked up next, carrying bags full of goodies.
"Hey! Come on, give me those, let's get inside."
After you lead them in, you guys get comfy in the living room. They brought drinks, and loads of snacks and candy. In no time, you fell into that familiar and comfortable groove of your usual weekend shenanigans. Just a smaller circle this time.
"So," Ji started with his cheeks full of cheesecake, "I got in trouble with Minho."
"How?!" You giggled.
"I think Minho saved you actually, the way Chan was looking at you? He needed to get you out of there, you were NOT giving it up." Hyune said.
"Wait, what happened?" You sat up more, worried now.
"Tchh, he wouldn't have laid a finger on me." He tried to act confidently, but the way he rubbed his hands together told a different story.
"You guys fought?!" You gasped.
When Ji said nothing, and avoided your eyes, Hyune decided to speak up.
"They've been fighting. Mostly silently. You know, avoiding each other, sending the other looks and glares. But some days Hannie can't keep his mouth shut."
You gave Ji a stern look, and he just swallowed his cake.
"Anyways," Ji said, clearly trying to get the subject off of Chan, "Minho was so angry with me. I got scolded so much, I nearly cried."
"Well, yelling at Chan in front of the entire group probably wasn't the smartest thing to do..." Hyune mumbled.
Suddenly, concern washed over you. Surprisingly for Chan. You couldn't help it when the words just slipped out.
"So... how is Chan?" You attempted to sound nonchalant, stuffing your mouth with a brownie immediately afterwards.
They were both staring at you, unsure of how to answer.
"He's... tense. I get something clearly happened between you two, but I don't know exactly what's up. He seems angry, and lashes out at people verbally... But he's sad too, he's been attempting to hide away from everyone too." Hyune says.
"He has no reason to be angry." Ji snaps.
"Ji..." You say, "You should stop being so hostile to him. He didn't do anything to you..."
Damn that soft spot in your heart, even when you've been completely devastated by him, you're sitting here defending him.
He gave you the stern look now, "No. But he did something to hurt you. He's acting like a god damn fuck boy, and I always knew him to be better than that. I've never seen you like this! He made you stop visiting us, you even stopped talking to me throughout the day. He created a divide. And I'm sorry to be selfish, but whether or not it was done to me, it still affected me too!"
The anguish in his voice shot through your chest, creating that god awful sinking feeling. He was right, but still... it wasn't only Chan that held the blame. You were guilty of your own actions. You never should've pushed any of them away, especially Hanji.
"Okay, I have to ask. What the hell happened, it seems like he did something really bad." Hyunjin finally asked, worry written all over his face.
Ji refused to look up from his cheesecake, he was now just mashing it up angrily on his plate.
"I like Chan." You blurted out, "Well, I liked him. I still like him? I'm trying to get over him though. But it's proving to be more difficult than I thought, so maybe it's more than me just having a crush. I don't know. It feels ridiculous to have such big emotions towards him, considering we struggle to even hold a conversation. I know nothing substantial about him, and I'm sure it's vice-versa. But the last time I was over... We ended up... halfway hooking up in the hall? But he stopped. And he looked at me like I was crazy. Like he forgot who I was, and like... like he was disgusted that it was me he was touching." You started rambling now.
"And I mean I get it. I'm me, nothing special. We were drunk, and I'm sure with the way we were feeling, it could've just been chalked up to hormones on overdrive. But... I really thought he was reciprocating my feelings. I feel so stupid, to put that much value into sex. It's just sex. And it didn't even happen! I don't know. It just hurt, it still hurts. The regret in his eyes, that stung so bad. Because I didn't regret it, fuck, I don't regret it... I'm just so angry. I can't seem to move on from this."
They both sat listening to you, as tears began to well in your eyes. Ji pulled you into him, your head resting on his chest. Your arm rested on top of his stomach, the other sliding between his back and the couch. He was carding his fingers through your hair, and scratching your scalp lightly, like he knew you liked.
"Stop talking down on yourself. I don't like seeing you tear yourself down with lies." Ji mumbled.
"I'm sorry you're going through this... Have you two... talked at all?" Hyunjin asked.
"No. I'm trying to avoid that. I already got my heart ripped out once, I don't want to go through it again." You nearly sobbed, thinking back to how he approached you in the elevator. All he said was your name, but his voice was filled with such strong emotions that you couldn't decipher. You'd just assumed it was still regret, and ran out of there as fast as you could.
Hyunjin rubbed your knee comfortingly, "But maybe talking would help... I'm not trying to make excuses for him. He should've spoken up at that point, offered some sort of explanation or reassurance, something. That's on him for not opening his mouth, you'd obviously be confused about the whole thing. I don't know if you're interested in fixing things and talking it out, or even remaining friends with him. Regardless, I feel like some sort of closure would help you and help him. And unfortunately that does involve talking it out."
You nodded your head, "It probably would, but I don't feel like I'm ready. You didn't see his eyes. I can't handle it if he looks at me like that again." You whispered the next sentence, "I don't want anyone to look at me that way again. "
"I don't think Chan would ever be disgusted by you, I mean judging by the looks some of us have caught him giving you. He definitely finds you attractive, as he should." He smirked, making you give a breathy laugh through the tears, "Frankly, I'm shocked that you were even interested in him. I mean have you seen me?" He gestured to his face dramatically, turning from side to side and gave a few poses.
You and Ji both chuckled at him.
"Or Felix? Even Innie lately is growing more into his features! Why not one of us?!" He nudged your leg with a laugh.
"HEY! If anyone gets to date my Jagi, it's obviously me. We'll be two hot, married best friends who suffer in abstinence, because we can't bring ourselves to consummate the marriage." Ji suddenly slurs, holding onto you tighter.
Yeah, he was a little too quiet there for too long, the alcohol must've hit him.
You burst out laughing, and shove him away from you, "Gross Jiji!"
"And thank you Hyune, but I feel like that can't be true. Even if he has checked me out, that's superficial. I mean we're human, we can feel a basic level of attraction to someone we see for only 2 seconds, and never get to see them again. When I say I like him, it's more than just a physical relationship. I know it's illogical, for so many reasons. Like I said, I barely even know him. There's been no attempt to even get on the same level, like how I know the rest of you. We barely talked, we had that huge argument, and he's always kept some distance from me... there's always been a detachment. So for me to want to be with him, even after all the signs of him wanting nothing to do with me? It's insane. He could never want that, could never want me. Not beyond a quick fuck apparently. And he couldn't even go through with that..."
You know you're starting to sound repetitive and bitter, and a little pathetic. But damn it, this hurts. And these thoughts were consuming your mind in a vicious continual cycle.
Hyunjin just hummed, neither agreeing or disagreeing, "You know you can't help emotions y/n, they're borderline instinctual. Especially love, and I'm not saying you're in love with him, but to care for someone? That passion? It's got to count for some kind of love. It's such a powerful feeling, we have no control over it, it's humorlessly funny like that."
You were listening to him talk intently, he was so poetic. Maybe it was the fact you were a little tipsy, but you were thinking that he should write more songs. More love songs specifically.
"If we could control it, there'd be much less heartbreak in the world I think. Unrequited love wouldn't exist... With that in mind though, there'd be a lot less love overall. I mean think about it, love almost always comes with some sort of eventual pain. There'd be many people who'd just opt out altogether..." He paused for a moment before continuing, "And never discount things as impossible, everything is possible. I'm not saying this to try to give you hope or destroy your hope. I'm not saying this to persuade you either. I'm just saying sometimes things aren't so black and white. Grey exists too, and it's a pretty beautiful shade if you ask me. I think you should talk to him about it." He finished
You nodded and offered a smile, "Maybe I should, and thank you."
You gestured for him to join you and Ji on the couch, and he rested against you. His head on your shoulder, creating a momentary cuddle pile, with you sandwiched in the middle.
You were so grateful to these boys, helping to piece you back together when you felt so broken. And over something seemingly insignificant to most. Ji was physically comforting you, and Hyune was comforting you mentally and emotionally. He just seemed to understand the world on a different level, able to see perspectives that might not always be clear to most. His mind was a beautiful place, and you felt honored that he let you in. You both formed a special bond tonight, similar yet completely different to you and Ji.
And, oh Ji... he wasn't getting off scot free.
"And you," You looked up to Ji, who was looking down at you wide eyed, "You need to apologize for your behavior with Chan. I understand you want to protect me, and I love you for that. Immensely. But he's your leader. He's done and sacrificed so much for you and your members. I'm sure no one knows what's going through his head. Stop giving him such a hard time... I'll figure out a solution with him eventually... even if it's just practicing being civil with each other. For now, try not to take things out on him. I'm sorry I stopped coming around. That fault lies completely on me, and it was petty. I won't avoid anyone anymore, so promise me you'll apologize. And that means as soon as you see him!"
He looked at you, processing your words before answering, "...fine. But seriously... don't go dark on me again, Jagiya." He said quietly.
You smiled, and snuggled up closer to him, "I won't, my poor baby."
The three of you continued chatting, catching up on all the crazy things you missed out on. Apparently a lot can happen in two weeks. You were angry you missed out on a weekend camping trip. Apparently they all had gotten so drunk, except Chan. And I.N. kept threatening to hit people with his shoe. They informed you that Chan was very quiet on the trip. He kept to himself mostly, and binge ate ice cream instead of sharing a drink with the rest.
You couldn't get your mind off Hyunjin's words. Chan has been watching you? The amount of time you spent checking him out, you'd figured if that were true you would have noticed. Maybe he was sneakier than you thought. Then again, that night your eyes did meet more than once or twice... You kept catching him looking at you. Maybe what Hyune said was true.
You were stuffed, full of candy and sweets. And also a little tipsy. It was getting late. Close to an hour later, you sent them home in a rideshare, telling them both to text you when they get home. Then you made sure to text Minho, alerting him of exactly how drunk Han was, and apologizing. You knew he'd be the one stuck taking care of him, if there's anyone who loves Ji as much as you, it's Minho. He might love him even more, having known him for much longer than you did. If the boys didn't have such a busy schedule this week, you'd be able to have Ji and Jinnie spend the night and take care of them yourself.
A weight was lifted off your shoulders, and you silently cursed yourself for hiding yourself away for so long. You always did that, and it never ended well. You really were thankful to Ji, you don't know what you'd do without him.
That night, you felt yourself drifting off to sleep quicker, easier. But even as slumber was pulling you in, Chan was still on your mind.
![Redamancy: Part II['red-a-man-sE] Noun ;a Love Returned In Full](https://64.media.tumblr.com/a1d9b224c95716203c6eb17b9da490c4/cf2ac1da5fca660a-94/s500x750/bb338a0eaa4018d2dfc1874d7268337f8a9b1937.png)
Chan was sitting on the couch with Minho, having been forced out of his room and pushed to socialize. He hadn't done much, he was in his thoughts again. Occasionally entertaining the others with curt responses and short conversations here and there. They seemed to just be happy with his presence, and he was thankful for that.
Jisung and Hyunjin had gone to your house, and the unknown made him feel uneasy. He was happy though, because that meant you weren't cutting everyone off, you weren't done with the entire group, you were staying in their lives.
Everyone but the man that fucked up it would seem. Still, he felt relief. He wouldn't forgive himself if he was the cause of a valuable friendship lost for everyone.
The rest of the members had gone to sleep by now, but he and Minho were waiting for the two younger members to arrive home. You had texted Minho saying they were on their way back, and to take care of them as they were drunk. Jisung especially.
He was wondering what was taking them so long, and he could tell Minho had some worry too. His leg shaking up and down. Then, as if on cue, Hyunjin bursts through the door. He has Hannie in his grasp, pulling him along as he tries to resist entering the dorm.
Hyune mumbled, "C'mon. You promised her."
He started to feel flushed, and hot. What does that mean?
He gave Hannie a push towards Chan, and Minho gave a worried look to both of them. He was expecting the worst. Jisung was staring at his feet, playing with his fingers and biting his lip.
Chan didn't think he could feel more disheartened than he already was, but it was apparently possible. Staring at Hannie in front of him, he looked so defeated. What had happened at your house?
Finally he looked up to Chan. And Chan was sure his face mirrored the younger ones anxiety.
Then Han started tearing up, "I'm sorry Channie-hyung!" He wailed, and collapsed into Chan's arms.
Chan was shocked, but he just held him close, and softly shushed him, trying to comfort him. He was trying to offer understanding and his own apologies. But Jisung ignored it babbled on, recanting his negative actions and harsh words. Chan respected the fact that he was apologizing, but he already knew why he had said the things he said. Why he had done the things he did. In fact, he held a sense of pride towards Hanji for it. It wasn't easy for him to stand up to Chan. And while, yes, he was being inappropriate from a certain viewpoint, he expected nothing less from the boy trying to protect his best friend. He couldn't be angry with him about that fact.
If anything he just felt more guilty that he had to protect you from Chan at all.
He continued slurring, stuttering, and sniffling in between talking. His words were barely coherent at this point, but Chan did catch one sentence.
"I thought I was losing her forever because of that night..."
Chan never felt more disappointed in himself, his entire being crumpled. Not only did he hurt you, he hurt Han. He's hurt the other members who grew to care for you just as much as he did. He never intended to hurt anyone, and instead he hurt many. It was all his fault.
With the help of Minho, they dragged Han to bed. Minho stayed with him, tucking him in, then getting him water and paracetamol for the morning. Minho stated he'd be spending the night in Han's room, just in case he was going to be sick. So Chan went out to check on Hyunjin, hoping he wasn't as inebriated but expecting as much. He found him in the kitchen, a bottle of water in one hand and a chip bag in the other.
"You feeling okay, Hyunjin?"
"Yeah, I didn't have as much as Han did..." He trailed off, "Neither did y/n." He was eyeing Chan as he continued, a glint in his eye while he said it.
Chan just nodded and kept silent, knowing he was trying to get at something. And it didn't feel like it was anything but teasing. Hyunjin wasn't having that though, he never did when people ignored what he had to say.
"Y/n made Han apologize you know," He started as he opened his chips, "I mean we both know he would've eventually. But she made him promise he would apologize as soon as he saw you."
That piqued his interest somewhat. He didn't view you as a mean person, but he figured you wouldn't mind seeing him distressed due to Han. In fact when he was standing in front of him, he was sure that he was about to get cussed out. By order of you, maybe. Considering Hyune said that Han promised you something. He wouldn't blame you, he deserved it after all.
But no. You were continuing to be your kind and sweet self. Even towards the person who upset you. He was confused.
"Why?" Chan finally whispered, more to himself than Hyune.
"I believe her words were, 'he's done and sacrificed so much for you' and 'no one knows what's going through his head'. So she suggested that he, well more like intimidated him, to apologize." He said while dipping his hand into the bag of chips, "It was cute, really. She was almost... protective."
With that he popped a chip in his mouth, and went off to bed, leaving Chan dumbstruck in the kitchen yet again.
His heart was thumping in his ears, unsure of how to interpret those words. But they meant something, right? Hyunjin was a tease, sure, but he must know what happened. He wasn't just teasing about this? Surely he wouldn’t go to that extent.
'No one knows what's going through his head.'
You were right. No one knows. You don't know. He needed to talk to you, he needed to let you know. He needed to let you in, even if it was hard.
Suddenly he felt hope again. It was small and shriveled, but alive. He was sure with enough care and nourishment, something precious could bloom from it.
![Redamancy: Part II['red-a-man-sE] Noun ;a Love Returned In Full](https://64.media.tumblr.com/a1d9b224c95716203c6eb17b9da490c4/cf2ac1da5fca660a-94/s500x750/bb338a0eaa4018d2dfc1874d7268337f8a9b1937.png)
The week flew by, and now it was nearing the weekend again. Things almost felt normal. You had returned to the office regularly, no longer working from home. Your time with Ji had gone back to normal, Jinnie often tagging along now. And the other members were glad you had started showing up again too. Everyone was excited to recommence the late night antics at their dorm tonight.
You couldn't help but notice Chan seemed relieved too, a little too relieved. Even though you clearly gave him the cold shoulder. It didn't seem to bother him. You obviously have an idea of why his attitude towards you changed drastically, but what you don't have an idea of is what his goal is. You can't necessarily say he's acting as if nothing had happened anymore, because of his new demeanors. But he still hasn't mentioned anything to you directly. His gall was starting to irritate you. His mixed signals were angering you.
If you were to think logically and assume, maybe in his head, he had been attempting some sort of effort to 'fix' things. But you tried to shut it down every single time, still unsure of his reasoning. Because he still never brought up that night, and was acting as if nothing happened at all. As if his reasoning for trying to be more friendly didn't exist. It was ridiculous.
Before that night, it was always you making sure to greet him first, you striking up small talk, you trying to crack jokes with him. All small and simple gestures, but gestures nonetheless. If only to keep things polite and civil. The tables seemed to have turned, and now he was initiating it all. In front of others you were short with him, but made sure to still be polite. There was a deeper detachment than before, and it didn't go unnoticed by the others either. Though they kept their mouths shut, only eyeing the interactions between you two.
In your head you figured that he'd get the hint and stop trying so hard at whatever it was he was trying at. You hoped it would trigger a conversation about that night finally. It got to the point where it started to create an awkward vibe in the presence of the others. But no, he still wouldn't stop. He just amped it up, and now the dynamic was once again changing.
He'd figured out the exact times you would take your breaks, and would manage to catch you before anyone else could. When you stepped off the elevator, he'd be waiting for you with a smile, and offer to buy you a snack. You'd decline, instead opting to take a small walk and stretch your legs. When you get back to your desk you'd find your favorite cookies on them, or your favorite candy bar, or your favorite drink from the vending machine. They were always wrapped nicely or bagged with a bow, with a note attached. It usually reads something like, 'don't forget to eat today! --Channie'.
You would always hand them out to your co-workers, or offer the singular items to your office bestie, before crumpling the note and throwing it out.
He'd taken to somehow always being there to hold a door open for you. Or trying to hold your bags when he caught you using the stairs instead of the elevator, actively trying to avoid him. Or when you were helping staff move the camera equipment from room to room, he'd try to take the load off your hands. It always ended in you snapping at him in a whisper. And him furrowing his brows like he didn't understand what he did wrong.
It's not that his actions were wrong, actually. They were the opposite, but why? Why was he doing all this, when he never did before. He was putting all this effort into acts of service, when all you wanted to do was talk. It was hard for you to bring it up, especially when he was acting so sweet yet pissing you off at the same time.
You should've realized it'd be hard for him to bring it up too, but you didn't. Because of that, there was the Wednesday incident.
You were heading home for the day, not having had a run in with Chan all day, and unsure how to feel about it. You were almost out the door when you heard heavy footsteps coming towards you from across the lobby, and your stomach twisted.
Chan.
"Hey! Wait!" He said with a smile, "I'll walk you to your car."
You'd had enough at that point. You rolled your eyes, and continued out the door. But you knew he'd catch up anyways.
As his pace aligned with yours, he kept talking, "Sorry I couldn't catch you at all today, it was a busy one. It still is, I think I'll be stuck in the studio all night. Han too, we finally figured out the ho--"
"Chan!" You cut him off, "Really? What makes you think I'm in the mood to talk to you? What makes you think I was waiting for your presence at all? You don't need to apologize for being busy. We're at work. We're working. It's what we do." You spat out, more abrasive than you've ever been to him.
He looked at you wide eyed, and you felt something akin to guilt pang in your chest. Immediately you ignored it, and kept walking. Only for him to latch onto your arm gently.
"I don't understand." He said, discouragement lacing his voice. "I'm trying to... trying to--"
"Trying to what? What exactly is it that you're trying to do? Because I can't figure it out. You're being so hot and cold, you went from one extreme to the other. I don't know how to decipher that."
"I just want things to go back to being okay again! I want us to be normal again." He said exasperated.
"Okay?!" You chuckled, "Normal? Our normal was borderline avoiding each other, which I am keeping up with very well, thank you. Our normal was talking to each other out of necessity. Our normal was little to no interaction, unless we're in a group. Whatever you're trying at, it's not our normal!" You shouted.
"No, what I mean is-" but you cut him off again, too heated to think logically.
"Our normal definitely didn't include me against a wall, and your fingers inside me and around my throat. THAT is not our normal. And I know it made things uncomfortable. And I know you regret it. But how can you expect things to go back to being whatever you think 'okay' is, if we haven't even talked about it?" You took a second to suck air into your lungs that seemed to be burning with rage.
"Instead you talk to me like that night never happened, and then you behave as if we've been best friends forever. You act as if that behavior, whatever your reason for it, isn't influenced by that night. You talk to me about things we never talked about before. We never caught up on how each other's day was, we never checked in with each other to make sure the other ate, we never took breaks together to get coffee or a snack and chat. You're expecting me to be the same as you, and ignore what happened. But I can't Chan, I can't do it. All I want is closure, instead it feels almost like I'm being led on. Before that happened, I was insignificant to your life. Our only connection being Ji! Then... then in an instant everything changed and then it changed again. It's confusing Chan. I'm lost here."
The tears were brimming in your eyes, and his ears were the brightest red you've ever seen. The flush went to his cheeks, and down his neck, and the grip he had on your arm was trembling. He started to open his mouth again, but you were quick to stop him. You felt like all he would give you right now is excuses, and you weren't ready to hear that.
"Please, Chan. I'm the one who's trying. I'm trying to move past it, like you seem to want to. But it's harder for me. When I feel like this, all I want to do is go home and hide. I can't do that though, not again. I'm trying to be civil. I'm trying to be polite, for the sake of everyone in our lives. But you keep pushing for some sort of friendship we never had..." You felt the dampness on your cheeks now, and before you knew it, your last sentence slipped through, "And did it ever occur to you that I wanted more than a simple friendship?"
At that he let your arm fall, and he took in a shaky breath. You figured now was the time he would say something, but he seemed frozen. Then he spoke in a soft tone.
"I'm so sorry y/n, I promise I can explain..."
That was it, your heart started to ache at the thought of his words. You weren't ready to be rejected again. So you rubbed your cheeks, one at a time, swiping the tears away and sniffling. He reached towards you again, stepping closer, but you stepped back.
"I need to go."
And you left. You got in your car, and you held it all in. The whole drive home, you refused to let yourself process any of the conversation. Which in reality was less of a conversation, and more you blowing up on Chan.
It wasn't until you stepped through your door that you sunk to the floor, back against your front door and started sobbing. You let it all out. The guilt for yelling at him. The despair over the rejection, that never left your heart. The embarrassment over the entire situation and how you were acting. Your unjust, pure anger. It all just came out in tears. You couldn't stop them, your only focus was on breathing when you could.
You didn't know how long you stayed like that, hugging your knees and bawling your eyes out. But the sound of keys jingling, and the pressure of the door pushing against your back, is what snapped you out of that grief stricken daze.
"Oh, Jagiya..." You registered Hans voice as you stood up to move, you forgot you gave him keys to your place.
He scooped you into his chest, squeezing you tight. You held onto him, just as firm.
"Wait..." You were confused, Chan said they both would be late in the studio, "What are you doing here?"
He pulled back and scanned your face as you sniffled. He sighs, and leads you into your kitchen, wetting a towel and dabbing at your puffy eyes and cheeks before drying them. Once you seemed to be in a pacified state, he continued.
"An unintelligent kangaroo I happen to know, told me I should head home early and check on you. He seems to be more intelligent than I thought." He tried to make light of the situation, but guilt bubbled up in you once again.
"Wanna talk about what happened?" He offered.
And so you word vomited at him. Retelling the whole scene word for word, since the words were mostly your own. He listened, nodding when necessary, and humming in agreement to some parts. When you were done, you looked at him and waited.
He was looking down with his arms crossed, leaning against your kitchen counter. He looked deep in thought.
"Well?" You said desperately.
"Well, I think it's good one of you finally broke the ice on it. You got it off your chest, you said what you needed to. Yeah, maybe you were rude. But now the door to talk about it finally was opened. However, maybe you should've heard him out. Seems like he could barely get a word in edgewise. If I know you when you're angry, which I do, I know you never planned on letting him speak. You always have to have the last word, my little attack chihuahua."
Then he poked your forehead, "Stubborn. Defensive. Both of you."
You groaned, "I know, I know. I'm already beating myself up over it."
"When will either of you learn? You don't need to beat yourself up over it, you just need to communicate. You missed your opportunity today, but that doesn't mean all hope is lost. I know he really wants to talk to you."
"Talk again?" You scrunch your face at the idea, even while knowing it had to happen.
"Apologize, is more like it." He retorted.
Your face dropped, but you knew he was right.
"Hey, you made me do it. And it was the right thing to do. Like you said, no matter how angry I am, I needed to apologize. The same rules apply to you... Plus I've been hesitant to say this but..."
"What?"
"If he wanted to stop in the middle of it all, he had every right to. I know it hurts but, no means no, you know?"
Guilt flooded your veins yet again, are you really coming across as some sort of hostile person after facing a rejection? You suppose it was half right, which made you feel disappointed in yourself. You were no better than the men who throw tantrums when women reject them. In your mind though, you were more upset at ignoring it all.
"I know that, and currently I'm not angry because sex didn't happen. I'm angry because I don't understand why it almost happened, and I want an explanation. I just want to know why he was so cold to me the entire time before it happened, and why he tried to act like nothing happened and was friendlier to me afterwards. If he wanted to stop because he changed his mind and wasn't feeling it, that's fine. But he could've said that, I'd be hurt because I like him so much, but I'd get over it. Why I'm upset now is because I don't like the mixed signals. I don't like the unknown. I want closure."
"To get closure you have to talk to him y/n, you avoid him just as much as he used to avoid you. Now that he's stopped, you're still avoiding him. And acting kind of rude to him, we've all seen it. The fake smiles don't really hide the contempt in your eyes. You're always valid in your emotions always, but I've recently learned that it's the reaction that you are held responsible for. That goes for him too, even though his reactions may not be as hostile as yours. His reaction of ignoring it, is just as hurtful to you. But... I have a feeling if you hear him out, you'll get your closure."
Again, you knew he was right about it all. You knew you had been bitter and immature about the entire situation. You paced for a moment, thinking about how you could even apologize to him. He'd been trying to fix things, and talk just like you wanted. Why have you held on to all that anger for so long? You were in the wrong too, more so than he was. You needed to apologize quickly.
"Just take the night to process and decompress. You'll have plenty of opportunities to talk with him, especially since his mission in life lately is just that. Again, we've all noticed it, he can't seem to leave you alone."
"Do you know what he's up to?" You squint your eyes at Ji suspiciously.
"He won't tell anyone exactly why he's doing what he's doing. But I have my own speculations, which I won't be sharing because I'm not trying to meddle and put ideas in your head. After talking with him a bit tonight, I don't think he's aiming to hurt you, that's for sure."
You sighed again, and nodded.
"Now. Dinner and comfort anime? I'm thinking.... Nana?"
"God, yes please. I need a distraction from realizing how much of an asshole I was. That I was actually the one starting issues." You groan, and you both plop down the couch and start to order food.
![Redamancy: Part II['red-a-man-sE] Noun ;a Love Returned In Full](https://64.media.tumblr.com/a1d9b224c95716203c6eb17b9da490c4/cf2ac1da5fca660a-94/s500x750/bb338a0eaa4018d2dfc1874d7268337f8a9b1937.png)
Ji went home half an hour ago, and you're now staring at your phone. Debating the text you typed up to Chan. Your finger was hovering over the send button. It would be better to apologize in person, but you weren't sure you could face him without some sort of emotional outburst anymore. It was something you needed to work on. So maybe smoothing things over through text before you spoke with him would help.
You read it over one last time... God you sounded too professional, like you were talking to your boss. You hit send anyway, you weren't going to come up with anything better to say. You put your phone down, only for it to buzz a minute later.
![Redamancy: Part II['red-a-man-sE] Noun ;a Love Returned In Full](https://64.media.tumblr.com/1e820f03e1ef32538188709249bd7b3b/cf2ac1da5fca660a-9e/s640x960/769401b555ec3a030a8de54b38131026723dda69.png)
Good... things are starting to get better. Or so you thought.
![Redamancy: Part II['red-a-man-sE] Noun ;a Love Returned In Full](https://64.media.tumblr.com/a1d9b224c95716203c6eb17b9da490c4/cf2ac1da5fca660a-94/s500x750/bb338a0eaa4018d2dfc1874d7268337f8a9b1937.png)
You didn't see him at all on Thursday, nor spoke to him. You didn't see Jiji either, but he confirmed through text that Chan had been cooped up with him in the studio. You felt bad, knowing you probably added more stress to their jobs. Especially considering Ji ditched work yesterday to comfort you.
Now it was Friday, and they were back at work in the studio again. Hyunjin was over yours because he finished up early, the both of you were just hanging out. Waiting for everyone else to get out. The nine of you were recommencing weekend get togethers.
"You should bring them food." Hyunjin, who was currently laying across your couch suggested.
He could sense your anxiety, constantly checking your phone for the time. He knew you wanted to talk to Chan, finally.
"I don't want to interrupt them, I already did that yesterday." You mumbled.
"Tch, like either of them would really view you as an interruption. They'd be elated."
"Ji? Yes, yes he would. You know things are weird between me and Chan though." You whined.
"Mmm, but this could be your chance to fix it." He suggested in a sing-song voice.
You actually debated it, but you didn't want to prolong his work tonight by stealing time for a conversation. A most likely lengthy conversation.
You looked at the clock, still debating and wondering if you had time. When you saw the time you realized it was much later than you thought.
"Shit, forget food. We're going to be late."
Hyunjin glanced at the time and nodded, "Alright, let's head to mine."
You grabbed your keys and headed for the door, Hyunjin followed and soon you both were in the car on the way to the dorm.
Once you got there, and Hyunjin let you in, you realized everyone was already here, judging by the pile of shoes. It seemed, the majority were getting cleaned up and changed into fresh clothes.
"I'm going to change too! I need to get out these jeans and into something comfier. Just make yourself at home!" He said while heading to his bedroom.
You sat on the couch and started scrolling on your phone. You were laughing at a funny video when you heard someone walking down the hall. Of course Chan is the first to finish, and he decides to join you on the couch. He takes the seat next to you, like right next to you.
"Um... Do you have to sit so close?" You say in the softest voice you could manage.
Remember. Stay level headed, no snapping, no meltdown, no blow ups. Don't yell.
He looks at you a bit defeated, and moves to the other end of the couch.
You sigh. Things were still touchy. It can't keep continuing on like this, it's too uncomfortable for you both. You have to apologize and make amends. It's now or never, but he speaks before you the chance.
"Y/n. Is now a good time to talk?" He says in a serious tone, with a stern look on his face.
You tense under his gaze, and your stomach feels like it's sinking. Was he that mad at you? You kind of understand why though.
"S-sure." You stuttered.
His eyes darkened, tongue poking his cheek. He's getting shifty now, and glancing down the hallway.
"Do you mind if we talk in private?"
You suppose it would be even more uncomfortable if someone else happened across you two discussing this. So when he stands up and heads towards his room, you follow him into it.
His room was neat. You'd never been in it before, and sure, you've seen the live streams. But it was a very different feeling, seeing it through a screen versus being inside it.
He sits on his bed, and pats the spot next to him for you to sit. You opt for leaning against the door, arms crossed in front of you. You were feeling defensive still, and didn't want to push your limits. It was his turn to sigh now, as he hung his head.
"Y/n I meant it when I said I'm really tryi--"
"Can I say something first... and then I promised I won't interrupt you again."
He just nods, with his tongue poking his cheek again. You know you're pushing his buttons, but you felt you needed to apologize before anything. Now you decided to sit next to him, twisting your torso to face him. And he did the same to face you.
"I'm sorry for the way I acted. It was incredibly childish." You sighed, "I know you had every right to change your mind, and I shouldn't have gotten so angry over it. I never meant to act so toxic towards you. I should've just accepted the fact that you wanted to stop and moved on. But the truth is... I've liked you for a while now. So when that happened, in my head, I took it as you reciprocating my feelings. Which doesn't make any sense, because you never knew of my feelings.”
Chan snorted a bit, trying to conceal a laugh.
“Then when you stopped, paired with the look on your face, it felt like you realized you made a mistake doing that with me. You looked like you were disgusted. Which I promise you, I now totally understand if that's the case. But it still hurt me... regardless, I shouldn't have reacted the way I did. So again, I'm sorry. I truly am. I hope you can forgive me." You managed to get it all out clearly, with a steady tone.
He was staring at you with a thoughtful look on his face, soaking in your words, processing. Then he smirked, and that was the last thing you expected.
"I guess you were acting a little bratty." He chuckled a bit.
Then he reached for your hand, putting his on top of yours. You felt the fluttering in your stomach at his simple action. But you flipped your hand over anyways, palm up and letting him hold it.
"But y/n, you've got it all wrong, and it's partly my fault." He started, and your eyebrows furrowed, a look of confusion falling on your face.
"I like you too," he squeezed your hand gently, and it was oddly comforting, "The reason I stopped is because I didn't want you to think that all I wanted from you was sex. Because I want so much more."
Were you dreaming? Is he really confessing right now? Even after how horrible you were towards him?
"I know the way I acted before doesn't exactly translate to me having feelings for you." He continued, "The truth is I was too scared to confess, until that night. The liquor gave me that extra boost of confidence, and you just... looked so beautiful. And the game we played, and catching you look my way multiple times. It almost confirmed to me that you wanted me too. Because I wanted you then and there. So when I saw you in the hallway, I thought it was my chance. But I let the lust take over."
Heat started to spread in your lower stomach at his words, and he kept going.
"I wanted to do things the proper way. I wanted to confess, and ensure that you knew I was serious about you, and not a fling. I wanted to take you out on dates, and properly ask you to be mine. I should have just said it all that night. I got scared again though, and just froze. And I know the way I was acting right after was confusing, I didn't mean to give you mixed signals."
Your head was spinning with all the information he was sharing, it truly felt like you were in a daydream. Then you found your voice again.
"It felt like you were disgusted with me." You whispered, "And then you were acting so nonchalant about the whole thing, as if it never happened. I guess I was assuming things."
He cupped your cheek, and comfortingly rubbed his thumb against it
"I could never be disgusted by you, love."
You had to resist a shiver at him calling you that pet name.
"I wanted us both to be sober too. That's why I idiotically told you to drink water, and rest. And the next morning, I was so nervous because you were rushing to leave. You had tears in your eyes, I said the first thing to pop into my head. I was hoping to talk about everything that morning. But then you walked out the door, and I felt like I had no right to stop you. Then Hannie was so mad at me, you stopped coming around. I felt like I fucked everything up and I lost all hope for a while." He sounded distraught.
“Until Hannie argued with me, yelling at me to fix things. He outright put the entire blame on me, and he did this in front of everyone. So that experience paired with your disappearance from our lives, especially Hannies life. He was so lost without you, I knew I had to try and fix it right away. I had been wanting to, I was just so unsure how to go about it. But Han's words pushed me to just go for it."
You took the opportunity to scoot closer to him, side by side now. He threw his arm around your waist.
"The elevator... ugh. I was just so hurt, I was so sure that you were going to come up with excuses, try to let me down easy. I was terrified of the rejection. I had no idea, I'm sorry."
"Stop apologizing, we were both a little clueless about everything."
"I guess we were just a little stupid, huh?" You laughed.
He chuckled, "Just a bit."
"Then when Hyunjin happened to mention something, that's when I fully had hope again. So I tried to approach you, and be friendly, and get you snacks. I tried to help you out at work when I could. I was still unsure of how to bring it up to you." He admitted.
You felt so ashamed, "And then I went and yelled at you. I didn't even let you speak, ugh. I'm so sorry."
"Again with the apologizing," He chuckled, "I told you, we were just confused about it. There was a lot of miscommunication... when we did talk anyways."
"I know, I was feeling and throwing mixed signals. All I wanted the entire time was to talk about it. Yet, I tried to avoid you at all costs. It doesn't exactly make sense. God, I was so... so childish."
"You were feisty is what you were. And I'm sure you still are." He joked.
You giggled. It was unbelievable how understanding he was. It was more shocking how wrong you were about his feelings. You had completely misconstrued everything. Assuming the worst. You couldn't be happier about being so wrong.
Nuzzling into his chest, and wrapping your arm around his torso, had him humming contently. But then you thought of what he said earlier.
"What did Hyunjin say...?"
He cleared his throat, "When you made Hannie apologize to me, Jin said that you were acting almost protective over me. It made me think that I had a chance of proving my feelings for you."
"So that's the true reason why you were so friendly, and constantly getting me things and trying to help me out. You were lowkey trying to confess.” You looked up to him smiling.
He was blushing now, "Yeah, but I realize I was still doing things a little out of order. I'm terrible at communicating I guess."
"Channie..." you said for the first time, and his blush got deeper, "I know it means a lot to you to do things traditionally. And I appreciate the effort you put in to accomplish that. But to me, it doesn't matter as much. We could've figured everything out afterwards." You said softly, and he was smiling down at you.
"I guess I should catch up to the modern age." He joked.
"Never! You prove that chivalry isn't dead. I love that you're a romanticist. Don't change." You laughed, "And... the communication problems? That's something we can both work on. I need to fix that in me too."
You felt him tense, and he caught your chin between his fingers, pushing you to look up at him further. You felt the warmth of his breathing spread across your face, he had that same look on his face as when he leant in to kiss you that night. Wetness was now pooling in your panties, and you had to resist clenching your thighs together. He was so in tune with your body language, and he caught it last time. You're sure he would notice again. You didn't want him to think you were rushing him into sex.
"So... does that mean you want to give us a go?" He was so serious when he said it, you could see the glint of excitement in his eyes though.
"Of course, it's a dream come true." You smiled at him.
He was quick to bring his lips to yours, kissing you sweetly, softly. You sighed into the kiss, and felt like you were melting into him as you turned your body towards him more. You brought your hands up, one resting on the side of his neck, the other on his shoulder. He brought his other hand to the back of your head, and combed his fingers into your curls.
He pulled you closer, deepening the kiss, licking your bottom lip. Your tongue met his, and soon you were wrestling against his for dominance. He started leaning you back against his bed, adjusting himself on top of you, knees on either side of your thighs. His hands roamed your body and he never broke away from your lips. You were nearly panting into his mouth, giving up and allowing him to explore your mouth. Your hands clutching his shirt like it would save you. The kiss was messy, downright sloppy, and you loved it. You were both desperate for this.
You wanted to imprint his touch into your mind. Every area he grazed made you feel tingly all over. Your entire body was oversensitive for him. You'd never felt like this with anyone else.
Then he was playing with the hem of your shirt, his fingers grazing your stomach. You mewled at that, and he groaned. It was so high pitched it nearly sounded like a whimper.
"Please... I still want you." He whispered against your lips.
You were breathing heavy, chest heaving. You couldn't help it when your hips bucked up, letting yourself get consumed by lust, "Yes, god yes. I need you."
He re-positioned himself, lowering his body onto yours and letting his hips grind into you. You could feel his length against you through his shorts, and you whined. Even this felt like ecstasy, he almost made you cum last time from dry humping. He was so skilled at making sure you got friction exactly where you needed it. It was driving you feral.
His lips attached to your neck, kissing, sucking, and biting his way down to your chest. His hand groped your breast, kneading it. Then he rolled over, flipping your position, so you were on top of him. It was your turn to grind your hips, your core rubbing directly on his erection. He threw his head back, mouth hanging open. His hands gripped your waist, helping you move against him.
Things felt less rushed this time around. It felt like all time stopped, and the only thing that existed in the world was you and him. You wanted to be lost in this passion with him forever. The high he made you feel, made your head all hazy with desire.
"Fuck..." He whispered as he looked up at you, seeing how fucked out you looked already.
His hands slipped underneath your shirt, pulling it up. You took the hint and ripped it off, unclasping your bra afterwards.
You had to admit, you felt your face flush again, at being exposed to him. But he soon wiped the thought from your mind, leaning up and placing soft kisses all over your chest. He kissed up to your collar bones, he kissed each mound, kissed in between them, he even kissed your nipples so gently.
You were learning he was a tease.
One hand was kneading your breast again, the other braced against your back. Then his lips closed around one of your nipples, and his hot tongue swirled around it. His hand now playing with the other. Pinching, flicking, and rubbing. He braced the hand against your back, pushing you into him more, while he sucked your nipple harshly. You whimpered, and your hips started rolling against him again.
He pulled off with a pop, and mumbled "I could worship these tits love, all of you is so gorgeous."
His words made you blush, and then he pushed you onto your back again. He clearly wasn't scared to manhandle you at all. He was quickly unbuttoning and unzipping your jeans.
"Need to tase you..." He mumbled again.
You liked needy Chan, somehow he kept the perfect balance of dominant yet deprived for you. He positioned himself between your legs, kissing and licking every inch of them. He held your inner thigh, pushing your legs apart to expose your panties. He placed a kiss on your clothed center, and groaned at the wet spot that was already there. His tongue peeked out, and he licked a slow stripe up, making your underwear wetter. Your eyes rolled back and you sighed, craving more.
And did you mention that you loved how vocal he was?
He licked his lips as he glanced up at you, mumbling "Taste so good, 'M gonna be addicted. Wanna be between your thighs all the time."
Then he spoke more clearly, with a smirk on his face "You're going to sit on my face one day. I want you to ride it."
You whined at the thought, and pushed your hips up, searching for friction. He took the opportunity to slide your panties to the side, and his tongue slid between your folds immediately.
You moaned loudly as his tongue flicked against your clit. You felt like you were on fire, yet shivering at the goosebumps spreading all over your body. Your hand reached down to his hair, and he groaned again, making his lips vibrate against you.
"Mmm... fuck." You moaned as you rocked your hips against his face.
He has no objections, but he momentarily paused to rip your panties off. Then he wraps his arms around each thigh, forcing you to open wider for him. He buried his face in you, letting his tongue dip into your entrance.
You gasped at the intrusion, your hand squeezing tighter into his hair. It had you nearly wailing. You'd never felt that before, and you think you could cum from it.
When his lips closed around your clit, he sucked. You were panting, feeling that familiar pleasure slowly coil in your lower abdomen.
He wasn't shy at all about devouring you, making slurping and squelching sounds. He brought his hand to your entrance, and slipped two fingers inside. You moaned, and he let you adjust before curling his fingers and pumping into you. Your orgasm is building faster now.
Writhing on the bed, and clutching his sheets, he did his best to keep you still. You were a moaning and whining mess. You couldn't help but be loud. His hand moved faster, as the tip of his tongue flicked at your clit. It was all too much as you felt your climax wash over your. You let out a desperate groan, your legs quivering as his hand squeezed your thigh tighter, preventing you from squeezing your legs shut.
Once you whimpered at the overstimulation, he stopped. Giving your clit one last kiss, sending one last shiver up your spine. Your chest was heaving, you were out of breath. He climbed up your body, wiping your juices and his saliva off his chin with the back of his hand. When he kissed you again, you could taste yourself on him, and you hummed as you licked against his tongue.
He kept kissing you, and you tugged at his shirt, "No fair, I'm completely naked and you're fully dressed."
He chuckled and sat up, pulling his shirt off. You reached up to feel his abs, fingers tracing between each muscle. You moved up to his pecks, and when your palm grazed against his nipple, he hissed. Picking up on it, it was your turn to kiss his chest, making sure to pay special attention to his nipples. Your tongue lapping at them, and then sucking them.
He quickly turned into a whining mess. His voice making you grow wetter, and clenching around nothing.
You really loved how vocal he was.
He made quick work of pulling his pants and boxers off, and leaned back down to kiss you. The pressure of his weight on top of you was comforting, and you placed your arms on his shoulders. His cock twitched against your core, and you were mewling again.
He smiled against your lips and whispered, "Is my love needy right now?"
Then his fingers wrapped around your neck, and you bit your lip. Your hand was now on top of his, making him squeeze lightly, and you whined.
"Does my baby girl want to be choked right now?”
"Chan if you don't fuck me right now, I swear I'll--"
Before you could finish, he was gripping the base of his member. Sliding into you at a steady pace, and you gasped. He lets you adjust again. The length surprised you, and his girth stretched you deliciously. You always knew this man was hung.
His hand never left your throat, and he did add more pressure around it. But you still desperately needed more.
He must've read your mind, or at least your face, "You're really into breathplay huh? Need it harder?"
Your mind was clouded in pleasure, you felt so full having him inside you. His hand on your throat only heightens it. So you nodded as best you could.
"Remember, I need the words baby girl."
"Yes, yes, fuck yes." You moaned.
He nearly growled as he pulled out and snapped his hips into you sharply. He kept pumping into you. Rolling his hips into you roughly, skin slapping against skin. His hand squeezed your throat tightly, cutting off all oxygen and then easing up, so you could get a proper breath in. Everything felt blissful, consumed by need.
Your hips started rolling, meeting each of his thrusts. You were focused on making sure you both got off.
He had his eyes closed, face scrunched in concentration and panting, "Shit, you're so wet love. So tight, gonna cum too fast."
You clenched around him hearing that, and let out another whimper. You felt it building up in you again. His pace became uneven, and you knew he was nearing his climax.
"Please..." he begged with a strangled whine, "Cum with me, can't hold on much longer."
"Channie... so close, just a little more." You panted back.
He removed his hand from around your neck and down to your clit, rubbing quickly in little circles. That was all you needed to let go, becoming a moaning and quivering mess. Your walls were clenching around him again, as you rode out your orgasm.
He groans, hips stuttering before he pulls out of you. Giving himself a few pumps, he let out a loud and strangled cry as he finished. He was spurting ropes of cum all over your stomach, only slowing when the last of it was dripping down his cock and onto his fingers.
It was so sensual, you grabbed his hand and sucked them into your mouth. Making sure to lick them clean, keeping eye contact with him. His lips parted and he was looking at you so affectionately. When you finally popped them out of your mouth, he immediately caressed your face.
"How are you so perfect?" He murmured.
He bent down and pressed a gentle kiss against your lips, and you slowly moved yours with his. This kiss was different, less desperate and more so savoring the moment. You felt lost in him. Nothing else mattered right now but you and him, the rest of the world melted away. You two were in your own bubble, and you couldn't be happier.
When he pulled away, he spoke "That was amazing, my love."
"It was." You giggled.
"I'm sorry it was a little rushed, I was craving you so bad." He said as he rested his head in the crook of your neck, a little embarrassed.
Your fingers brushed through his hair. He was right, it was rushed on both ends. You both were a little clumsy, figuring out each other's bodies for the first time. But that doesn't mean the sex was horrible, he made you cum twice.
"We'll have plenty of chances to take our time with each other. I think after everything, we were both hopelessly desperate for each other, and like you said. It was amazing Channie."
"I like hearing Channie coming from you, as different as it is."
"Mmmm, I have to think of another pet name. You claimed 'love' already."
He just chuckled, "You can call me whatever you want, Channie, love, Jagi. I don't mind."
"I think Ji would keel over if I called you Jagi instead of him." You giggled.
"Hannie can deal with it, he's not the only man in your life that's close to you anymore."
Chan got up to get you a towel, and cleaned you up.
You felt satisfied, laying down facing each other, and still embracing.
"So, about the other chances you mentioned. Maybe we can try out the edging you like so much. And all it takes for me to truly dom you is flipping a switch in my head and not holding back. I'm just not sure you can handle it."
"I can handle it, I'll be your perfect little sub." You snuggle closer to him.
"Hmmm, why do I doubt that for some reason. We already know how bratty you are."
"That just means more punishments for me, which I'm sure we'll both love."
"Is that so?" He started leaning in to kiss you.
Suddenly there was banging on the door.
"Are you two finished? I'm assuming your finished since all the noise stopped." Hanji yelled.
You looked wide eyed at Chan and he had a smug smile on his face.
"We'd like you to join us, we're playing cards against humanity tonight. Besides it's my time with my Jagi again, I'd like to be able to see you." Jiji shouted through the door.
You both scrambled to dress yourselves. He gave you his t-shirt, and some sweats. Slipping on nearly the same outfit, you opened the door to a pouting Ji. His face slowly transformed into a smirk as he looked you up and down.
"Better fix your sex hair babes, although I guess there’s no hiding your hickies and bruises though." He leaned in and whispered, "I didn't know you liked it that rough, his fingers are clear as day on your neck. You nympho." He poked your tummy repeatedly.
You nudged him and rolled your eyes, "Shut up."
Channie came up behind you, and wrapped his arms around your waist, giving you a back hug. Just like that, Ji was back to pouting.
"This means I have to share my cuddle time, ugh." He whined.
Chan just patted the top of his head, laughing, "You'll get used to it."
"Hmph. I'm not going to stop calling her Jagi or babe or any other pet names. I was here first!" He stated.
Chan just chuckled, "I wouldn't expect you to Hannie."
He just turned around, still pouting, and headed back to the living room. You and Channie followed behind him, hand in hand. Eyes glued to each other, and smiling.
"Oh great, we have to deal with this now, on top of you and Han overdosing us with PDA?" Seungmin complained.
"I just knew something was up with you two, it's about time you fixed it." Innie commented.
"Yeah, and by the sound of it. Making up went really well." Changbin jokes, then his eyes wander to your neck, "You know, for as much noise you two were making, I'd never expect you'd be choking her in there."
You blushed intensely, and Channie cleared his throat, smiling, and scratching the back of his head. The group laughed, and you and Chan took your seats. Which was him sitting in the chair as usual, and you sitting in his lap.
"God, this is going to take getting used to." Hyunjin said with a smirk.
"You act like you didn't partially help orchestrate this whole thing." Jiji teased.
"What?!" Felix snapped, "And you didn't tell me?" Now he was pouting.
"It wasn't my business to tell. Besides, I only nudged them a little bit to communicate. They both seriously lack in that area." Hyune responded.
"Mmhm, I have to agree with that." Minho chimed in with a smug smile.
"Alright, alright. Enough poking fun at us. All that matters is that things can go back to normal." Chan said.
You faced him, "I still don't think this was our normal before, but it definitely can be our new normal now."
He smiled and gave you a peck on the lips, to which the entire room started gagging, and acting disgusted. They got distracted while setting up the card game, Chan whispered something in your ear.
"I know we've been doing things abnormally, and this might be a little fast. And we also have a lot more to talk about, but... Will you be mine?"
You break out into a huge smile, and press your lips to his ear, "Of course Channie. I'd love nothing more than to be your girlfriend."
He turned his head to kiss you again, except this time it wasn't a peck. Your lips moved in sync for a few seconds, and everyone once again noticed.
"Yeah, you were right Hyune. This is going to take A LOT of getting used to." Felix agreed.
"I don't think I've ever seen Chan-hyung like this before... It's a little weird." Innie chimed in.
"That's because he hasn't done anything like this before. Outright claiming someone? That's new territory for him." Minho said.
"No wonder it was so hard for him to pursue y/n." Seungmin said, "Although I really did have a feeling it was going to be Hannie that ended up with her."
Ji made a face, "Never. Our love isn't romantic, even though we both love skinship."
They were interrupted by the wet sounds of you both still making out.
Ji started pouting again, shouting, "Yah! Are we going to play or what? Surely you can both hold off until later, sheesh."
You pulled away and you and Channie laughed.
"Alright, let's play!" You said excitedly.
Maybe this was new territory for you, but you felt comfortable in it already. You were so glad that you and Channie were able to find solace in each other. Maybe you guys weren't quite in love yet, but you were elated that he returned your feelings fully.
This is the normal that Chan was talking about, and you wouldn't dream of having it any other way.
![Redamancy: Part II['red-a-man-sE] Noun ;a Love Returned In Full](https://64.media.tumblr.com/2de8edbc8702a3584fdeadeee1d2e69d/cf2ac1da5fca660a-0e/s500x750/afaea12ab9d04ef04ec9ea02b15d4dcc04627555.png)
Tag List: @jeonginsleftcheek @solandiszale @schniti-is-in-the-house @helloimacalumgirl @jagibangbangchan
@jupire @juwire @jennibahng @emonatural191 @sailor--sun
@mauvemelon @eczlipse @staytinyluv @bangtanskz17 @daehee
@gbskzlover @danceonmyheyday @sleeping-beau-tay @prettiichocolateprincess @aracy
@bbokarimenu @my-neurodivergent-world @haven-skies @irrevocable-exposure @readr1221
@tsunderelino @joyofbebbanburg @wildtokay @fuckthinking @loud-minhoe
@ddiidi @majorlymismanaged @skzenthusiastt @anylady-fics @antisocialties
@maisyyyyyy @meowmeowminnie @adieu-lisette @lookitsjess @kpopsstuffs
@bubblepop-stay @ohhlittlegirl @ang4lheart @spnwinchestersd
As always, please let me know if you'd like to join the taglist. And if you do, pretty please interact with my fics besides liking. Although I appreciate liking as well! Feedback is always cherished! ♡
But again, please be gentle in your criticism
Last Updated: 2024-05-30

Disclaimer: I am not the author of these stories, just sharing my favourite BBC!Sherlock Holmes stories. Find the authors' links below. If you want your work removed, message me privately.
Legend: 〔E〕 ⇢ Erotic/Steamy | 〔F〕 ⇢ Fluff | 〔A〕 ⇢ Angst/Hurt 〔M〕 ⇢ Minor Angst/Hurt | 〔C〕 ⇢ Comfort | ♥︎ ⇢ Established Relationship | 𑁍 ⇢ Pregnancy/Children | 🚫 ⇢ Content Warning

✑ A Week Early│Prt. II│Prt. III by prettyxlittlexwriter • 〔F᜶C〕 • ♥︎ • 𑁍 •
Summary: You and Sherlock are having your first children; who've thought the famously emotionless detective would be such an anxious father.

✑ A Little Love and Lots of Laughs by eurusholmmes • 〔F〕 • ♥︎ • 𑁍 •
Summary: "It's been five years since you met Sherlock Holmes, four since you fell in love, and three since you married. [Now], you have [two children] who... happen to love picnics, swimming and spending time with their cousin Rosie and Uncle John."
✑ Absence of You by lykaonimagines • 〔F〕 • ♥︎ •
Summary: "[You're] away on a mission…, leaving Sherlock to wrestle mentally with his importance in [your] life and how badly he wants [you] home."
✑ Always Attract by luxwritesfanfic • 〔F᜶M〕 • ♥︎ •
Summary: "The strobe lights won't stop blinding him and Sherlock can't seem to shake the feeling that he's missing out, until he realizes he isn't."
✑ Bedside Manner by luxwritesfanfic • 〔F᜶A〕 •
Summary: "Sherlock figures out who the father is and [a cat's got your] tongue."
✑ Brother, Annoying Brother by magicalthoughtsendinterriblefics • 〔F〕 •
Summary: Sherlock's, once again, struggling to express feelings, refusing to admit he fancies you. Luckily, Mycroft knows just how to get him to confess.
✑ Champagne Problems by leftperfectionmoon • 〔A᜶C〕 •
Summary: reader turns down her boyfriend when he proposes to her as she has been in love with sherlock all this time.
✑ Closed for Today by coppercatswrites • 〔F᜶C〕 • ♥︎ •
Summary: Sherlock closes shop to take care of you while you're sick.
✑ Come Home by lykaonimagines • 〔A〕 • ♥︎ •
Summary: Following Mary's death, Sherlock sent you away to prevent you from stopping him from doing what he felt he had to do to save John. However, now that you're back and has all the details, you're not sure your relationship can survive it.
✑ Don't Let Me Cave In by luxwritesfanfic • 〔F〕 • ♥︎ • 𑁍 •
Summary: Sherlock'll never get away from the sound of the women that love him and it brings more peace to him than he could ever imagine he could possess.
✑ Don't You Dare Say "I'm Sorry" by prettyxlittlexwriter • 〔M〕 • ♥︎ • 𑁍 •
Summary: "Sherlock Holmes had sparred with many an intimidating nemesis. He'd faced off against the most fierce, twisted, cold, hard, calculating, fearful opponents known to man, however none of adversaries that had come before had invoked such terror and panic as the one he was currently staring down."
✑ Emotions and Experiments by writings-of-a-british-fangirl • 〔F〕 •
Summary: …
✑ Exact Opposite by lykaonimagines • 16+ • 〔F〕 • ♥︎ •
Summary: "When his brother still refuses to get dressed and take the case he has for him seriously, Mycroft calls [you in] to handle the situation."
✑ Expectant by magicalthoughtsendinterriblefics • 〔F᜶M〕 • ♥︎ • 𑁍 •
Summary: "[You're] acting strange, and Sherlock notices. [After] confessing the truth and... He struggles to find the words."
✑ Feeling is Mutual, the by classickook • 〔F᜶A〕 •
Summary: "You've been harbouring a crush on Sherlock for quite some time now but are determined to keep it a secret for as long as [possible]. Foolish of you to think he wouldn't figure it out... and maybe he'll even return your sentiment?"
✑ Game is On, the by classickook • 18+ • 〔F〕 • ♥︎ •
Summary: "You have a little surprise for Sherlock that turns out differently than you had originally planned."
✑ Good Girl by all-fandoms-fiction • 18+ • 〔E᜶F〕 • ♥︎ •
Summary: "..."
✑ Headache by bewarethecrazyperson • 〔F᜶C〕 • 🚫 •
Summary: "...While it was rare for you to get a proper headache, it wasn't unfamiliar for you or the boys when one resurfaced. They usually let you be, knowing that rest, medication and sleep would usually take care of the problem. [However,] what happens when you accidentally take one of Sherlock's pills?"
✑ Holmes, the by magicalthoughtsendinterriblefics • 〔F〕 •
Summary: When Sherlock's parents invite you to dinner, mistaking you for his girlfriend, it pushes their son to finally tell you how he feels.
✑ If You're Shy (Let Me Know) by classickook • 18+ • 〔E᜶M᜶F〕 •
Summary: "When Irene won't stop teasing you about your lack of experience, Sherlock comes to your defence and maybe even proves the woman wrong."
✑ Ignorance and Lunch Dates by thepokyone • 〔M᜶F〕 •
Summary: "Sherlock was clever. Everybody knew that - especially you, considering you had been friends with him since high school. Being friends with Sherlock had its pros, but it also had its cons."
✑ Kidnapped by prettyxlittlexwriter • 〔A〕 • ♥︎ • 🚫 •
Summary: {…}
✑ Kissing Advice by imagine-by-susu • 〔A᜶C〕 •
Summary: When Irene taunts Sherlock with his sexual inexperience, the detective seeks out your advise on the matter. However, the situation does go quite how Sherlock hoped…
✑ Let's Have Dinner│Prt. II by classickook • 〔A〕 •
Summary: "as Sherlock's neighbor and friend, you've spent quite a bit of time with the detective and developed feelings for him. unfortunately for you, however, his heart belongs to another."
✑ Make Up by magicalthoughtsendinterriblefics • 18+ • 〔E〕 • ♥︎ •
Summary: Although you never enjoy fighting with Sherlock, you love making up afterwards.
✑ Nicknames by leftperfectionmoon • 〔F〕 • ♥︎ •
Summary: "4 times you used nicknames for Sherlock."
✑ On Edge│Prt. II by magicalthoughtsendinterriblefics • 18+ • 〔E〕 •
Summary: "Sherlock has no cases and John forbid him to smoke... [leading] Sherlock to find other ways to take out his frustration and, at the same time, showing [you] what it's like to be on edge."
✑ Other Woman, the by magicalthoughtsendinterriblefics • 18+ • 〔F᜶A〕 •
Summary: {…}
✑ Rest of Our Lives│Prt. II by lykaonimagines • 〔F〕 • ♥︎ •
Summary: "Sherlock returns home late after a week long case, and contemplates the current state of their relationship."
✑ Safe Space by lykaonimagines • 〔A᜶C〕 • ♥︎ •
Summary: "During an argument over one of Sherlock's experiments, [you realize] some events in his life have impacted him more than he usually let on."
✑ Sentiment by goldencherriess • 〔F〕 • ♥︎ •
Summary: "Sherlock finds himself entranced by Lestrade's best friend and co-worker."
✑ Tipsy by magicalthoughtsendinterriblefics • 〔F〕 • ♥︎ •
Summary: When John and Sherlock return to the flat, absolutely smashed, it's up to you and Mrs. Hudson to ensure they're looked after.
✑ Waltz by magicalthoughtsendinterriblefics • 〔F〕 •
Summary: {…}
✑ White Lillies by leftperfectionmoon • 〔F〕 •
Summary: You mistakenly confess you feelings to Sherlock, as it happens his reaction is rather sweet.
✑ Woman, the by magicalthoughtsendinterriblefics • 〔F〕 • ♥︎ •
Summary: "[You] enters 221B and instantly notices the smell of another woman's perfume. [You realize] it's Irene Adler who is [trying] to convince Sherlock that she is a better woman for him."
✑ Woman Who Was No Lady, the by whereiputtheotherstuff • 〔F᜶A〕 •
Summary: A tense conversation with Irene Adler makes Sherlock realize something extraordinary about you.
✑ Why Do I Want to Do This Again by imagine-by-susu •
Summary: "..."
✑ You Don't Know Him Like I Do by classickook • 〔C〕 • ♥︎ •
Summary: "You're sick and tired of constantly hearing insults thrown at Sherlock about how he handles his emotions."
✑ Your Stupid Face by gaitwae • 〔F〕 •
Summary: "Sherlock is too proud to admit to anybody he likes you, but John knows."

✑ Affirmation by eurusholmmes • 〔A᜶C〕 • ♥︎ •
✑ All Day by classickook • 〔E᜶F〕 • ♥︎ •
✑ Ambiguity of Man by gaitwae • 〔M᜶F〕 •
✑ Announcement, the by writings-of-a-british-fangirl • 〔M〕 •
✑ Bad Day by oneshots-imagines-and-that • 〔F〕 • ♥︎ •
✑ Bagels by grace-writes-shit • 〔F〕 • ♥︎ • 𑁍 •
✑ Birds and Bathtubs by deerstalkersanddangerousthoughts • 〔F〕 • ♥︎ •
✑ Blissful Morning by writings-of-a-british-fangirl • 〔F〕 • ♥︎ •
✑ Boring Days, the by thepokyone • 〔F〕 • ♥︎ •
✑ Cuddling? Cuddling. by writings-of-a-british-fangirl • 〔F〕 • ♥︎ •
✑ Dating and Doctors by writings-of-a-british-fangirl • 〔F〕 • ♥︎ •
✑ Do Something! by galactic-academia • 〔F〕 •
✑ Enjoy the Show Brother by magicalthoughtsendinterriblefics • 〔F〕 • ♥︎ •
✑ F*ck It by coppercatswrites • 18+ • 〔E〕 • ♥︎ •
✑ I Love You by imagine-by-susu • 〔F〕 • ♥︎ •
✑ Jaw Kisses by eurusholmmes • 〔F〕 • ♥︎ •
✑ Keep Breathing by eurusholmmes • 〔F᜶C〕 • ♥︎ •
✑ Lying Detective, the by deerstalkersanddangerousthoughts • 〔A〕 • ♥︎ •
✑ Made for Each Other by leftperfectionmoon • 〔F〕 • ♥︎ •
✑ Measurements by classickook • 〔C〕 • ♥︎ •
✑ Morning Light by lykaonimagines • 〔F〕 • ♥︎ •
✑ Move in with Me? by imagine-upon-a-star • 〔F〕 • ♥︎ •
✑ Never Stood a Chance by luxwritesfanfic • 〔E᜶F〕 • ♥︎ •
✑ New Family by magicalthoughtsendinterriblefics • 〔F〕 • ♥︎ •
✑ No Flirting by leftperfectionmoon • 〔F〕 • ♥︎ •
✑ Not on the Couch by imagine-by-susu • 〔F〕 • ♥︎ •
✑ Our First Kiss by eurusholmmes • 〔F〕 • ♥︎ •
✑ Our Little Game by justauthoring • 〔F〕 •
✑ Psychology of Cute by oneshots-imagines-and-that • 〔F〕 • ♥︎ •
✑ Resurrection by moonlightsong • 〔A᜶F〕 •
✑ Rewritten Memory by gaitwae • 〔F〕 •
✑ Safe in Your Arms by classickook • 〔F᜶C〕 • ♥︎ •
✑ Stressed by generallynerdy • 〔F〕 • ♥︎ •
✑ Tease by classickook • 〔F〕 • ♥︎ •
✑ Tell It Like It Is by prettyxlittlexwriter • 〔F〕 • ♥︎ •
✑ There's No One Else For You by all-fandoms-fiction • 〔M〕 •
✑ These Words Of Mine by eurusholmmes • 〔A〕 •
✑ Thinking Out Loud by grace-writes-shit • 〔F〕 • ♥︎ •
✑ Wake Up by scribblesandimaginings • 〔F〕 • ♥︎ •
✑ Wedding Day by prettyxlittlexwriter • 〔F᜶C〕 • ♥︎ •
✑ Why Did You Kiss Me? by writings-of-a-british-fangirl • 〔F〕 •

✑ Babysitting Rosie w/ Sherlock... by writings-of-a-british-fangirl • 〔F〕 • 𑁍 •
✑ Being Sherlock's Pregnant Wife... by tessimagines • 〔F〕 • ♥︎ • 𑁍 •
✑ Cuddling w/ Sherlock... by spilledkauffie • 〔F〕 • ♥︎ •
✑ Dating Sherlock Holmes… by dragon-kazansky • 〔F〕 • ♥︎ •
✑ Dating Sherlock Holmes... by spilledkauffie • 〔F〕 • ♥︎ •

See Also: Navigation || BBC!Sherlock Master Index
Authors: @all-fandoms-fiction || @bewareofthecrazyperson || @classickook || @coppercatwrites || @deerstalkersanddangerousthoughts || @dragon-kazansky || @eurusholmmes || @gaitwae || @galactic-academia || @generallynerdy || @goldencherriess || @grace-writes-shit || @imagine-by-susu || @imagine-upon-a-star || @justauthoring || @leftperfectionmoon || @luxwritesfanfic || @lykaonimagines || @magicalthoughtsendinterriblefics || @moonlightsong || @oneshots-imagines-and-that || @prettyxlittlexwriter || @scribblesandimaginings || @spilledkauffie || @tessimagines || @thepokyone || @whereiputtheotherstuff || @writings-of-a-british-fangirl ||

So uhhh... 😳
How bout Equestria Girls for round two??



You guys asked and I give 😌💅
Sorry for the lazy edit, I was feeling a bit tired today but here you go, MLP Anons
Also, don’t mind the cast change, thought it was necessary–
@ask-the-twst-girls @wildnya Take it up with the Anons y’all, I’m just here to make the edits 😔✌️



You guys asked and I give 😌💅
Sorry for the lazy edit, I was feeling a bit tired today but here you go, MLP Anons
Also, don’t mind the cast change, thought it was necessary–

“Herbivore, I better not see another person in our house or so help me–”
Can I kiss Aepper? Haha joking since I'm faithful to someone🦁
Joking....... unless


Aepper blinked, trying to figure out who Serenity was "faithful" to.
Then, the realization hit him. (Oh? You mean Leona?)
Aepper smirked, (I've heard he hasn't been around for so long, perhaps he's hibernating.)
Aepper leaned over closer to the raven haired girl's face, an enigmatic smile etched on his features.
(A kiss you say? While I'm very flattered to hear so, Leona might be a little grumpy afterwards.)
He sat back up, emerald and cream colored eyes flashed back at Serenity as he smiled.
(But I don't mind if you tried to capture mine first~)
Yes, they’re fighting over you to the point where it could make a great K-Drama to watch 😭🤚

Coming to you this November on
✨Disney Plus✨
Can I kiss Aepper? Haha joking since I'm faithful to someone🦁
Joking....... unless


Aepper blinked, trying to figure out who Serenity was “faithful” to.
Then, the realization hit him. (Oh? You mean Leona?)
Aepper smirked, (I’ve heard he hasn’t been around for so long, perhaps he’s hibernating.)
Aepper leaned over closer to the raven haired girl’s face, an enigmatic smile etched on his features.
(A kiss you say? While I’m very flattered to hear so, Leona might be a little grumpy afterwards.)
He sat back up, emerald and cream colored eyes flashed back at Serenity as he smiled.
(But I don’t mind if you tried to capture mine first~)
HDJEKDBSJWKDN NICK WILDE 😩🤚
IT WAS THE MAN IN THE YELLOW HAT FOR ME ✨
𝐏𝐄𝐎𝐏𝐋𝐄 𝐈 𝐖𝐎𝐔𝐋𝐃 𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐓 𝐎𝐍 𝐌𝐘 𝐁𝐎𝐘𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇
𖤐 — playing ‘people I would cheat on my boyfriend with’ prank on twst boys

similar works ; Tokyo Revengers
notes ; At this point I’m just recycling ideas and am I ashamed? Fortunately no :D also I wrote this at midnight brain isn’t really functioning I apologize if they’re inaccurate </3
characters included ; all NRC students
reader ; gender-neutral
*please know that this is all for fun!

*opens slide* People I would cheat on my boyfriend with
“Eh? Eh?? Eh???”
𝐃𝐄𝐔𝐂𝐄, Ruggie, Azul, Epel, Silver
“Y/N wdym :((”
Riddle, 𝐊𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐌, Floyd (a little frustrated)
confused as hell
𝐉𝐀𝐂𝐊, Jamil, 𝐌𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐔𝐒, Lilia
“:)”
𝐉𝐀𝐃𝐄, Rook, 𝐋𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐀
“Ayo tf???”
Ace
“Ahaha…?”
𝐓𝐑𝐄𝐘, Ruggie
“I DEMAND AN EXPLANATION!!!!”
Sebek
knows it’s probably one of your shit again so they don’t really care
𝐋𝐄𝐎𝐍𝐀, Jamil
knows this prank
Cater, Vil, Idia
knows this prank but is curious about what you’ll show in the end so went along with it
Cater
mumbles about how he’s a victim of this prank and that he can’t believe he could be gaming right now but has to endure this
𝐈𝐃𝐈𝐀
disappointed that you would do such a pointless prank and lectures you
𝐕𝐈𝐋
“What if I was suicidal? What if this was my LAST STRAW?” (joking)
𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐑, 𝐀𝐂𝐄

*next slide* No one, because having my boyfriend is the best thing that happened to me and I love him very very much
heart exploded
𝐑𝐈𝐃𝐃𝐋𝐄, 𝐃𝐄𝐔𝐂𝐄, Jack, 𝐉𝐀𝐌𝐈𝐋, 𝐄𝐏𝐄𝐋, 𝐈𝐃𝐈𝐀, Malleus, Sebek
“D-Don’t just say things like that!”
𝐑𝐈𝐃𝐃𝐋𝐄, 𝐉𝐀𝐂𝐊, Epel, 𝐒𝐄𝐁𝐄𝐊
blushes furiously and at a loss of words
Trey, 𝐃𝐄𝐔𝐂𝐄, 𝐀𝐙𝐔𝐋, Idia, Silver
blushes furiously and tries to speak to play it off but fails horribly
𝐀𝐂𝐄, Cater, 𝐑𝐔𝐆𝐆𝐈𝐄, Jamil
“AWWW YOU’RE THE BEST THING THAT HAPPENED TO ME AND I LOVE YOU VERY VERY MUCH TOO!!! ACTUALLY MORE!!!!”
Floyd, 𝐊𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐌
chuckles really attractively and tells you the same
𝐉𝐀𝐃𝐄
chuckles really attractively and tells you the same with literal hearts in his eyes
𝐑𝐎𝐎𝐊
crashes you in for a hug
𝐅𝐋𝐎𝐘𝐃, Kalim
calm on the outside, butterflies rampaging on the inside
𝐋𝐄𝐎𝐍𝐀, Jade, 𝐕𝐈𝐋, Malleus
*scoffs* “Of course.”
Vil
smiles fondly
Leona (you won’t see it), 𝐌𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐔𝐒, Lilia, Silver

*quickly clicks through a picture of Nick Wilde*
??????\€~€[+|^]^-:;[£|*]^~[£~+[€~¥[+~£]+[
Riddle, Trey, Cater, Ace, Deuce, Leona, Ruggie, Jack, Azul, Jade, Kalim, Jamil, Vil, Epel, Malleus, Lilia, Silver, Sebek
wants to fight this Nick Wilde dude
Floyd
“…unique taste.”
Rook
very much concerned
𝐑𝐈𝐃𝐃𝐋𝐄, Jack, Azul
“A fox- A LITERAL FOX???”
𝐀𝐂𝐄, Jamil, 𝐒𝐄𝐁𝐄𝐊
genuinely wonders if you’re serious about being attracted to a fox or not
𝐃𝐄𝐔𝐂𝐄, Floyd, 𝐌𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐔𝐒, Lilia
“Chile…😗”
𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐑
“I-I’m losing to a f-fox.”
𝐈𝐃𝐈𝐀
“I mean…I can understand the appeal tbh 👀”
𝐑𝐎𝐎𝐊, Cater

As a person who’s going to prom next week by herself, I can confirm that this is true 🧍♀️

Proms are just there to remind single people they're single like valentines day
That's what i think of proms
-♠️
I-