Angsty Angst - Tumblr Posts

Perfidy (Din Djarin x Reader)

Din was having trouble with a bounty. You, on the other hand, couldn't get rid of them. You became the bait in his plan for a successful hunt, a plan that he failed to mention.

A/N: Classic angst, betrayal, lies, oh my! AND THERE WILL BE NO PART 2. YOU WILL ALL SUFFER.

Category: Angst

Warnings: Sexual harassment, Inappropriate Touching, Swearing

"I saw your bounty today," you muttered, more to yourself than anything. The man you'd been trying to converse with for the last ten minutes was otherwise distracted. It was usually the case that after unsuccessful days, the Mandalorian would check out and wallow in frustration. The commonplace event didn't make it any less irritating.

You dragged your jumper over your knuckles, desperately trying to tempt your body heat to spread. The temperature of the Crest was frigid and your fingers ached from the cold. Distantly, you missed the hot suns of Tatooine, the warmth that would beat against your skin as you worked, it was blissful in comparison to this.

The spoon clattered from his hands, startling you from your thoughts. You shot him a questioning stare and he cleared his throat, setting the Child to the floor. The little one was off in a flash, he was rarely allowed to explore without supervision and you had no doubt you'd find him in your tool bag later.

"You-" he shook his head, "you saw the bounty?"

You nodded hesitantly.

"Where?" The word was harsh as he leaned in, finally allowing you his undivided attention. You weren't so sure you wanted it now.

"The market," you stammered confusedly. "Well, I couldn't get rid of him actually..."

There was a short silence as you let your eyes drag back to the man before you. He was watching you and although you knew it wasn't you that he was interested in, you still felt heat rise to your cheeks.

"Turns out he has a thing for humans," you rolled your eyes, disgusted by the memory. "Apparently he harasses them every day down there. Remind me to never go back."

The memory of his grimy hands gripping your body made your stomach churn. It was only with the intervention of a kind shopkeeper did the Trandoshan stop his groping.

Your companion said nothing, leaning back into his seat. He was characteristically quiet, but this was a different type. Of course, you were sure that he had to know that chasing a bounty in bright reflective metal was going to alert them. It wasn't the first time he'd had to wait and definitely not the first time that you'd run into them first.

You swallowed hard, letting loose a shaky breath. "The sooner you get him the better."

"Yeah," you said quickly, maybe too quickly. You stood up and gathered your things, offering him a tight-lipped smile. "You're doing the shopping from now on, though."

He nodded his agreement and you both settled into another silence. Shifting in your seat, you suddenly felt uneasy. You hadn't wanted to remember the events of the day, and now you felt as though you were going to be violently ill.

"Are you okay?" He asked hesitantly.

The hunter remained quiet as you left.

___

"I need you to pick up something for me."

That was what you had woken up to. It was an unpleasant way to say 'good morning', you supposed, there couldn't really be anything good about it now. There wasn't the tiniest sliver of anything pleasant regarding those markets or the creatures that lingered there.

"There are specific flight suits I need," he asserted, folding his arms. Your eyes narrowed. Hadn't you just told him yesterday that you wouldn't be going back to that Maker-forsaken flea market? The tin can knew that you'd been harrassed, didn't he care?

You snorted internally, of course he didn't. You were his employee, no matter what your feelings were, he saw you as a tool to be used. Not a companion, not a friend, nothing more, simply a solution to his technical problems.

And with that, you rolled your eyes. "I'm your mechanic, not your dry cleaner. Get your own shit, Mando."

The hunter's arms fell from his chest and he let his fingers rest against his belt. With a slow stride forward he sighed.

"Please," his voice was low and imploring, a tone he had never taken with you. To make matters worse he said your name, not your last but your first. "I can't do this by myself, I need your help."

You squinted at him. "Are you guilt-tripping me?"

"No."

"You are."

"Listen," he threw his hands up in exasperation and you leaned back. No matter what he said, you would not be going back there and you couldn't believe that he was even suggesting it. The Mandalorian cupped your shoulders, gloved fingers twitching against your hot skin.

Your lips parted, watching him with blatant surprise.

"Please, as a friend. As...what we are, I need your help."

The words stunned you. Not only had he dropped that he considered you to be a friend but what he had implied after? The feelings that you had dug a hole for and buried were beginning to resurface and you clenched your teeth.

"Fine," you growled.

___

The market was just as you remembered it, hot and stuffy, reeking of spices and meat. You hated it. Tugging the hood of your cloak lower against your face you exhaled hard.

Flight suits, come on.

You knew the vendor that the Mandalorian would need his things from. The unfortunate part of that is it would land you in the same sector that you had last seen the Trandoshan. That was a character you had no intention of coming into contact with again.

Distantly, you wondered if your companion had found him yet, you hoped that he'd roughed him up some and thrown him in carbonite. It would be a small piece of justice to help you sleep at night.

"Hello there, little thing."

Your heart leaped into your throat. No, no, no, no.

"You thought that cloak would hide you?" A hand rested against the small of your back and you scrambled forward, spinning on your heels. The lizard grinned terribly, hands raised as if to signal peace.

"Oh, my morsel is jumpy today!"

"Leave me alone," you snapped. Your stomach churned violently, low and lurching. This is exactly what you had been trying to avoid, you weren't even anywhere near the vendor yet.

The bounty crooned, shaking his head with a mocking pout. "Come now, that's not what you really want."

You were backed against an abandoned cart, and with a quick observation, you knew that the nearby merchants would be of no help. Downturned eyes purposely avoiding the disaster unfolding, it made you sicker than you already were.

"Get the fuck away from me," you snarled, searching the cart for a weapon. A jagged piece of wood was the best you could find and you knew it wouldn't do much. Not with that blaster mounted on the Trandoshan's belt.

The slimy creature approached slowly, "You'll beg me to be closer. They all do."

He was tall, easily towering over your cowering frame. They were known for their strength and warrior prowess and you were in no position to do anything but run. You were boxed in, attempting to run would only mean running straight into his arms and exciting him further.

"Fuck off!" You screamed, your voice hoarse. "Somebody fucking help me! Please!"

Your cry broke off into a sob as his hands settled on your hips, that reptilian tongue tracing his mouth grotesquely. You wanted to throw up, there was nothing you could do but pray. Pray that someone would gain the courage to help, pray that Mando found you, pray that the bounty would just kill you first.

"We're going to have fun-"

The sentence finished in a choked gasp. You hadn't even registered the blaster shot.

You whimpered when the creature fell forward, his steaming body collapsing against your frame. His face fell into the crook of your neck and you let loose a wretched scream. "Get off, get off, get off."

As if an unknown deity had heard your prayers, the limp lizard slid from your body to a crumpled pile on the floor. Your chest heaved, tears burning the skin of your cheeks. You could barely breathe.

The Mandalorian was before you in an instant, "are you hurt? Are you okay?"

You said nothing, throwing yourself into his arms without a second thought. You had never given him a handshake, let alone a hug, but at that moment you didn't care. You cared about nothing other than the fact that he had saved you and protected you where others couldn't.

Din's arms came around you easily, holding you tightly to his chest. It was enough to open the flood gates. You cried, and you did it hard. Convulsing gasps, racking sobs, jumbled words, it was a blur that you made no effort to remember.

"You're okay, Cyar'ika, You're okay."

His words were maundered, the same sentence slipping like a prayer.

"Let me take you home."

__

You sat quietly, watching the Mandalorian as he busied himself in the cabin hold. There was no real reason for him to be down there, you knew. He was lingering to keep an eye on you, gauge your mood, manage your needs and ensure that you were okay.

It was sweet... but it wasn't adding up.

The flight suits hadn't been mentioned, and while that may be because the priority has shifted, it could also be because he already had enough. You remembered that he had bought a bunch on the last planet you'd visited. He'd called it his yearly restock. Yearly.

On top of that, the hunter had told you he would be in the suburbs, searching the huts and consulting the people. Nowhere near the markets. Considering that was the last known sighting of the Trandoshan, why would he send you to the markets and search in the opposite direction?

Why had he even asked you to go there in the first place? You told him. You told him that the bounty had harassed you, that he had an obsession with 'pretty little humans'.

He would never purposely put you in harm's way, he barely allowed you off the ship. There was no way.

There was no way.

But as you watched him, in the dim lighting of the cargo hold, guiltily lingering, you thought you could be wrong. You prayed you weren't.

You wantonly begged any deity who could hear you, hoping that they would dispel your fears, that you were wrong and just shaken from the events of the day. You wished it wasn't true, that he genuinely cared about you and hadn't just done what you thought he had.

But the lead that settled in your chest, dragging your lungs down to your stomach, said otherwise. You asked anyway.

"Did you know?" You pondered quietly, unable to force the words out louder. It felt like the air had been stolen from you, your sentence barely a rasp.

The Mandalorian fumbled the spanner in his hand and it clattered against the table. Those broad shoulders stilled, and every ounce of his body turned to proverbial stone. He made no move to face you, another red flag that sent heat crawling through your system. Red rage licked at your face, a poison exploring every crevice beneath the skin.

"Din," you snapped, acid dripping from his name. "Did you know?" "

The warrior turned, and he did it torturously slow, as though he was hoping you would be gone by the time he faced you. He was silent. You knew then that he was guilty.

The floor felt as though it had been ripped out from beneath you, your heart pounding in your ears, so loud that you couldn't hear your own thoughts. He wouldn't.

Your vision swam, the hot tears threatening to spill over your lashes. Searching his features did nothing for you, there were no eyes to look into, no mouth to watch for expression, no skin to touch.

His fingers twitched by his side, a habit of anxiety.

"Cyar'ika," his words trembled. "I'm sorry."

Sorry? That was all he had to offer? An apology?

You couldn't process what was happening. You had been so fucking stupid. So stupid as always, never seeing things or people for what they truly were. So fucking desperate to be loved like a dejected pet that only wanted affection.

He was a Mandalorian.

Why had you ever thought that there could ever be anything between you? Why did you think that he's be anything other than transactional?

He was smart, so, so smart. The hunter had known that you were the perfect target to draw the skittish Trandoshan out. He also knew that you would never have agreed to be bait had he asked you outright.

Your fist clenched, wanting nothing more than to smack your head hard for your sheer fucking naivety. You were embarrassed, so humiliated you couldn't even begin to put those feelings into words. Nothing could describe the overwhelming landslide that overcame you, there was no word strong enough for it.

When he knew you wouldn't cooperate, he tried a different tactic.

"Please, as a friend. As...what we are, I need your help."

Your ears could have bled at the memory of that voice, of that sentence, of that manipulation.

Mando approached you, spurting apologies to console. You heard nothing.

"You used me," you sobbed.

Hands gripped your body, "we will have such fun together, you and I, little morsel."

"No, no, no, listen," Din pleaded, hands raised to signal peace. But you didn't want peace. You wanted to leave. You wanted him gone.

You could still smell the salty sweat of the bounty, his tongue flicking toward your face to try to capture your scent.

The racing beat of your heart, your desperate screams for help, the realization that you may be dragged into slavery by a cruel and sick master. The thought that you would never see your bounty hunter again. You'd thought that your life was at the end.

He had let that happen.

For a job.

For credits.

"You knew I loved you," you struck your palms against the beskar plating of his chest. "You knew I'd do anything you asked if you sweetened it a little."

He whispered your name, grasping your wrists. Din was shaking his head, but he couldn't deny what you were saying, and you both knew it. You both knew that you were right.

"You knew and you used me and you sent me out there!" The tears warbled your voice, nearly indecipherable words delivered in a grating scream. "You didn't fucking care! You never did! You just let him... You let him-"

The man before you didn't let you finish, hushing you softly as though calming a restless baby. "Of course, I care. I would never have let him do anything, please, you have to know that. I would never-"

"But you did!" You bellowed, the words a condemnation of every promise the Mandalorian had ever made, any lie of protection he had spewed. He was deceitful, he had played you, he had been smarter than you.

And you were too soft.

You ripped your hands from him, stumbling away from his grip. The sight of him used to set your heart alight, every prayer that he would finally notice you falling on deaf ears. You only wanted a sliver of his attention, anything that would show you he cared.

But now, as you appraised him, the vision made you sick.

"Please," he whispered, reaching for you from where he stood. You smacked his hand away, baring your teeth. The hatred you felt was unlike anything you had ever experienced, it was almost a spiritual possession. Every ounce of your body buzzed with rage, your fingertips electric with violent fury.

It felt better than the hurt.

Anything felt better than his betrayal.

"I hope to never see you again," you said, a frightening calm washing over your body. "I hope you get everything you deserve."

"Where will you go," he shook his head. "Let me take you back to-"

"And when you do finally get what you deserve," you interrupted, turning on your heel, "I will not be at your funeral."

There was only silence from behind you.

It was all he knew to do, you realized as you grabbed your satchel from the floor. He could offer nothing more than that endless, infuriating, unsatisfying silence.

You hoped he would one day choke on it.

Not So Heavenly Surprise

prompt: you share exciting news with your husband but don't receive the reaction you thought you'd get. and then, the Outbreak.

pairing: Joel Miller x female!wife!reader only height mentioned: you're shorter than Joel

fandom: HBO's The Last of Us

word count: 7.2k+

note: nothing really, i'm just trying to process other feelings so this got a little angstier than i anticipated.

warnings: angst, angst, angst, slutty angst club, cursing, character death, major major major spoilers, death of a child, descriptive language - we talk about death and dead bodies!!! canon-level violence! NOT edited!!! (will get around to it) this work is super NOT FOR MINORS ❗️season one, episode one spoilers

🔞 none of the following content is appropriate for minors 🔞 ❌ all taglists are discontinued 🚫 i do not give permission for any of my work to be posted, copied, translated, or uploaded to any other platforms 🚫

September 02nd, 2002 one year before Outbreak Day

"You're going to have to tell him," you sighed to your reflection, trying to amp up the bravery. "He's gonna notice, you don't want him questioning anything, now do you? No, nope, no way, you don't. Okay, so, that's it - you're gonna tell him when he gets home. No big deal."

There was a knock at the door, Sarah calling, "Are you okay in there?"

"Girl!" You laughed, reaching for the knob and opening it to see her. "Ever heard of this thing called 'privacy'?"

"Not in this house," She smirked. "Can I get in? Wash my face?"

"Oh, yeah, totally," you moved out of her way, continuing with your nightly routine.

"So, who were you talking to?"

"Myself," you mused. "It helps me work out big decisions."

"Oh, so, you're finally gonna tell Dad you're pregnant?"

"What!?" You yelped, dropping the jar of night cream and groaning when it dolloped out from the fall - landing on your foot. "What the hell, Sarah?"

"What? You're surprised I figured it out?" She teased. "I found the pregnancy test."

"What? You were digging in the trash?"

"Well, if you must know, I dropped the toothpaste in there and found it when I was fishing it out..."

"Sarah," you sighed.

"You know he's going to be really happy, right?" She smiled at you, massaging her cheeks to curate foam from her face wash.

"Maybe," you sighed, stooping to clean your mess. "But I've been trying to figure out what to say."

"What's to say? Just tell him," she giggled. "C'mon, you guys have been married 8 years now! Isn't this, like, what was supposed to happen?"

"Well, yeah, but - "

"But nothing," Sarah laughed. "You're getting all nervous for nothing. It's just Dad, he loves you. He's going to be happy, I promise."

You sighed, nodding slowly, "All right, well, I'll try to tell him tonight."

"There is no try, only do."

"You did not just quote Star Wars to me!"

"Well, is Yoda wrong?"

You whined a little, "No..."

"So, get it done," she smiled. "This is really exciting."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," she smiled, "I've always wanted to be a big sister."

"You'd kick ass as one," you agreed.

"Think how upset and flustered Dad will be when I teach Baby to curse!"

"Sarah, you teach the kid any curse words and I'll wash your own mouth with soap," you teasingly warned with a pointed finger. "I'm a little nervous, I think," you admitted.

"Why? Daddy loves you, he'll be really happy," Sarah defended. "Maybe a little shocked, but he'll be over the moon with joy."

"You think?"

"I know," she nodded. "Tell him tonight!"

"Tell who, what?" Tommy asked, appearing in the doorway to make you both shriek.

"What happened!?" You heard Joel, but then, everything was drowned out as you and Sarah started yelling at Tommy for scaring the shit outta you both. Joel appeared in time to see his little brother throw his hands up in defense, laughing at the two of you.

"Not cool, man!" You barked, shaking your head. "Didn't hear y'all come in, the hell's wrong wit'chu?"

"Y'all didn't lock the front door, again," Tommy smirked. "I came up real quick and quiet."

"Jackass," you muttered, wiping your hands on a towel before exiting the room. "Hi, baby," you muttered to Joel, pausing to rock onto your toes and plant a kiss to your husband's lips.

"Hi, honey," he mused, arm anchoring your waist. "What's with the screamin'?"

"Your brother's an ass," you pouted, giving your best exaggerated bottom lip.

"You had it comin', darlin'," Tommy teased. "Told you to lock up, huh?"

"Why're you even here? Why are you always! Here!?" You whined lightly. "Go home!"

"I'm staying the night," he mocked gently.

"You better not clean my fridge out," you warned him with slitted eyes. "I just went to the shop."

"You get them cookies you like?" Tommy perked a brother, watching your eyes widen a small fraction. "YOU DID!" Tommy laughed, turning, and bolting down the stairs - making you yelp and start yelling after him, following closely.

Joel and Sarah could be heard laughing from upstairs.

•

It was close to midnight by the time you and Joel finally settled for bed. Sarah's homework was done, whole family fed, Tommy was nursing a bonked head with a small ice pack, and you and Joel were turning your bed down.

"Hey, uh," you cleared your throat as you both got in the sheets, "so, I was wonderin' somethin'."

"What's that, sugar?"

"What do you think of when you consider the future?"

Joel paused, then shrugged, "We go to Nashville with Sarah this summer."

"No, baby, I mean the future - like, years from now."

Joel chuckled, "Uh, I don't know, baby, I just think of you and Sarah and Tommy... There's not many others left 'round."

"That's all?"

"I don't know, I think sometimes when Sarah goes off to college, that girl's goin' on a scholarship, you know? So, you and I could maybe take some time for a vacation. Finally take you on that honeymoon I promised."

You hummed, settling against his chest, "Where we goin'?"

"You know I'd take you wherever you wanted," he sighed, "but maybe we could afford... I don't know, trip to... Vegas?"

"So we can renew our vows with Elvis?"

"Why not?" He chuckled, squeezing your hip. "Might be fun, right?"

"You just wanna see the strippers."

"Can you blame me?"

You laughed and smacked his chest, "Easy, mister, you're on thin ice."

Joel laughed lightly, "You know I'm teasin', darlin'. C'mon, anywhere we could, where would you go?"

"Oh, the Maldives, without a doubt.," You smirked. "But how about we keep it simple? Go to, say, Paris?"

Joel snickered, "That's simple?"

"City of Love for our honeymoon? Baby, I'd say that's more cliché than anything. Besides, don't you wanna kiss me at the top of the Eiffel Tower?"

"'Course, sugar, but the food there?"

"Oh, like you've ever been!" You laughed, looking up at him. "Don't talk shit when you don't know."

"Hmm," he considered, "solid advice, sweetheart."

He reached out to caress the side of your cheek, making you sigh, "One thing's missin' though..."

"What's that?" Joel smirked.

"We'd have to find a babysitter."

"Sarah will be older than - "

"No, no, baby, not talkin' 'bout Sarah."

"Who, then?" He chuckled. "Tommy? Though he likes proving us wrong, he can take care of himself."

"No, I'm talking about a babysitter for us."

"Lost me again, sweetheart."

You stared at him for a moment, then admitted, "I'm pregnant. So, we'd need to find a sitter 'cause we'd have a little one by then." However, Joel just stared down at you, brows slowly furrowing as he processed your words. "Joel?" You wondered when he didn't answer, but instead, looked off past you. "Honey, you still with me?"

"I heard you," he grit, making you instantly sit up and off of him.

"Joel?"

He sighed deeply, "Why'd you have to do that?"

"I'm sorry?"

Joel sat up and swung his legs from bed, making you feel instantly smaller than you actually were. "Why'd you have to go and do that? Huh? Get pregnant?"

"Joel - "

"No, what the hell's this!?" He demanded, looking far too upset than you ever considered. "You're pregnant? You're really pregnant?"

"Yes - "

"God fuckin' damn it!" Joel swatted at a lamp, knocking it over, and waking the entire house - not that either Tommy or Sarah were asleep yet. "You can't seriously be pregnant!" Joel barked at you, and if he could, you knew he'd be gnashing his teeth.

"Why is this such a shock?" You asked. "This is what happens when you're married - "

"You were supposed to be on birth control!"

"It's only so much effective when you're cumming in me like some sex doll!" You snapped back, aware of your loudness.

"Don't turn this on me!"

"I'm not! Fuck's sake, I'm happy about this!" You stood from the bed, too. "I'm happy we're havin' a baby! Why're you reacting this way?"

"We can't afford a baby right now!" Joel looked enraged now. "We don't got the space - fuckin' Tommy crashes the couch! Where we puttin' a whole baby, huh? Where we puttin' a kid? How're we gonna afford more groceries? More schoolin'? You didn't think this through, now, did you!?"

"Fuck's sake, Joel, do I need to give you a sex-ed course? Explain how you're just as much in this as I am? I didn't do this to myself, we both took risks - but I didn't think this was gonna be an issue! I thought you'd want this!"

"When have I ever said I wanted another kid? Huh? Don't put words in my mouth, woman! I got Sarah, ain't no kid better than that! Why would I even want to bother? Knowing our situation!? You think you're ready to be a mom? All you do is work, and it makes you a pretty shaky stepmother! Neither of us are in a place to just stop and take care of a kid, we're in too deep with our current bills!"

You felt too stunned to speak, every defense you had lowering in pure sadness as tears collected in your eyes. "You serious, right now?"

"Completely," he sighed, hands to his hips.

"So, you... You don't want this baby?"

Joel's jaw flexed. "Not right now, no."

"Okay," you sighed.

"I can't take care of another kid," he shook his head. "Look, why can't Sarah be enough? You've known her her whole life."

"Why is it so wrong to wonder what it's like to be pregnant? To have my own child? Since you have Sarah."

"We have Sarah," he snapped.

"No... We don't, since I'm only a shaky stepmother."

"I didn't mean it like that."

"No? How'd you mean it?" You wondered sarcastically. "Maybe that I won't be a good mother? That you don't want a kid with me, is it? Whatever, Joel, look, there's no compromise here. You don't want this baby, but I do... So, this it is."

"What is? To what?"

"Us," you sighed, gesturing between you. "If you really don't want this baby, then I don't see how we can still participate in a marriage."

"The fuck - "

"I won't stay where I'm not wanted."

"I want you, just not the baby!"

"So, understand this. Because I'm growing that baby currently, you simply don't want me. So, it's all right, now. I'll get my shit and get out, figure out what to do movin' forward, and I'll have the divorce papers sent - "

"Like hell, you are!" Joel raged.

"How're we gonna fix this then!?"

"Fuckin' Christ, woman, you really know how to piss me off! This ain't my issue - this is your problem. But we ain't gettin' a divorce, so, you better figure it out."

You scoffed, "Who the hell even are you?"

"Come again?"

You gestured at him, "This is not who I married."

"Neither are you. When we got married, you said Sarah was more than enough - "

"You know what? Feelin's change!"

Joel scoffed, "Yeah, fuckin' tell me 'bout it."

"Wow," you sighed, turning for the closet, muttering, "wow, wow, wow, wow, WOW!"

"Fuck!" Joel snapped. "C'mon, doll, don't do this."

He watched you pack a suitcase frantically, the fight continuing to wage farther into the night. Back and forth, you two went round after round after round, trying to make the other understand and see reason. To Joel, it was a matter of financials and space. To you? It was everything else.

By 3 am, you had finally packed your necessary belongings into two bags - a suitcase and purse - before you were charging down the stairs with Joel still hollering after you. Tommy was in the living room, pacing, and Sarah was laid on the couch, eyes red and swollen as she clutched a pillow to her chest. You came to a halt when you saw them both, Joel still sneering but silencing himself when he saw what you stared at.

Just like that, he understood his brother and daughter had heard every word he shouted at you, and never had he felt such shame. You swallowed harshly, nodding at Tommy before looking to Sarah. With a wobbling smile, you managed to garble, "I'm sorry."

"Mama, wait!" Sarah gasped, shooting off the couch as you fled for the front door; Tommy catching her around her waist. "No! No! Daddy, go get her! Don't go! Mama! Please! What's happening? Why won't you go after her!?"

But to Tommy's shock and horror, Joel silently descended the stairs to push the front door closed and locked it - bolting them inside and his wife outside. "Joel," Tommy shook his head, confusing marring his features. "The hell happened?"

But Joel only sighed, turned, and headed up the stairs again. Not a moment later, his bedroom door closed - making Tommy release Sarah. She rushed to the door but stopped, only staring out, and Tommy understood she could no longer see your car.

"Hey, Sarah?" Tommy called softly. "You can stay home from school tomorrow. All right?"

She only nodded silently, taking a seat at the front door and just watching. He frowned, wanting to shoo her off to bed, but understood that her child-like mind could only understand so much. She wanted to wait for you to come home, she wanted to see you coming... However, the following morning, Joel found his daughter slumped against the front door and his brother on the stairs from watching her.

His heart had plummeted to his feet when he saw them, more so when he understood you weren't home. The house already felt colder.

September 26th, 2003 Outbreak Day

Your daughter was barely a few months old by the time "it" happened. After leaving Joel, you went home to your parents and they were gracious enough to welcome you and the babe growing in your womb.

They made up your childhood bedroom into a nursery and let you transform their home office into a spare bedroom as your little brother was living in the guest room and older sister in the basement. It was an incredibly tiny room, but it worked for now; and your little girl was a ray of sunshine that you barely noticed how miserable you truly felt.

You hadn't seen Joel since the birth... And before that? Not since your fight. He really didn't want shit to do with your daughter, and while you always told him when your appointments were, he never showed. When you went into labor, your father was the one who called him because you only sobbed through the pain that you wanted your husband. So, Joel showed that day, but didn't go into the delivery room. He just waited outside it, listening, feeling his heart shatter again and again as you begged someone to find your husband, but no matter how your mother and father begged him to go in, he wouldn't. He couldn't.

It was only after the baby was born did he venture in.

You looked beat to hell and the sheets seemed bloodier than usual, but he didn't want to linger. He only nodded at you, hands in his pockets, "Good job... She's real beautiful."

You blinked, glancing over to where a nurse was swaddling the just-cleaned baby. "Thank you," you whispered. Then, he turned to leave, "W-Wait!" You begged, making him pause. "Don't you... I-I don't know, want to help name her?"

Joel sighed, glancing at you over his shoulder, "No, 's all right. Whatever you want, she's your daughter."

Your heart broke all over again, watching him leave. So much so, when the nurse brought your daughter over for you to hold, you broke down in horrendous sobs that the nurse actually shied away. You couldn't breathe from the pain, and it actually set off a few alarms on your hospital monitors.

Your mother watched in despair as a team of professionals had to sedate you in order to calm you down enough; holding her grandbaby and rocking her arms. She waited for days, hoping you'd ask to hold your daughter, but never did. Only when the lactation expert came in to help you nurse your daughter did you actually "willingly" hold her.

It just broke your heart to even look at her because she looked so much like Joel that it should've been illegal. Eventually, you came around and felt as if you couldn't set the baby down, but for the first few days were exhaustingly tough. Your parents were a huge help, but that didn't make it easier on you to try and process life without Joel. You loved your husband, wanted him back, but after his behavior, you couldn't fathom being within 6 feet of him again.

However, life had much different plans.

You didn't feed your baby formula, opting for breast feeding. Ironically, during your pregnancy, you had developed an intolerance to gluten and never wanted flour-products even after giving brith to your daughter. However, your father loved your mother's cookies...

It was nearly 2 am when it happened.

Your father had been the first "Infected" of the family, and only your mother was in their room with him. You heard the thumping and screams, peering out of your room only to see blood pooling from under your parent's closed bedroom door. "Get back," you hissed at your little brother, darting down the hall to your daughter's nursery.

"DADDY! NO!" You heard your brother scream a minute later, panic enveloping you as your daughter started to cry.

"No, no, no, it's okay, hey, hey, it's okay, sweetheart," you whispered, trying to shush her. There wasn't time to spare, and just as you secured your daughter to your chest with tight arms and made it from her room, your father came barreling out of your little brother's room - scaring the shit outta you. "D-Daddy?"

He snarled, neck snapping when he looked at you - but that wasn't your father. No, this creature was something else and while it was in your father's body, it wasn't your Daddy, and you weren't safe here.

"Down here! NOW!" Katie, your older sister called, making you shoot off down the stairs in a blind panic. Your father came crashing down behind you, knocking into your legs as you reached the bottom - forcing you to turn over and land on your back to protect your kid.

"OH MY GOD!" You screamed when your father bolted upright.

"STAY DOWN!"

Your sister swung her softball bat, knocking your father's head back with a sickly snap. He went down, and for a moment, it was all quiet. "What the fuck?" You panted, baby still crying.

"I don't know," Katie panted, reaching for your arms and helping you up. "I-I didn't - I didn't think," she stuttered, looking at your father, who's head was split open and spewing blood. "I-I killed him."

"Between us?" You nodded, "Think he was already dead."

"Where's Mommy? And Billy!?"

"Upstairs..."

"You don't think...?"

"Should we check?"

"What if they're alive and we just left them?" She worried, blinking back tears. "I-I don't know what to do."

"I think we need to get the fuck outta here," you admitted, looking around you two. "We aren't safe here, Katie, we should move."

Just then, there was a thud from upstairs. Your sister uttered your name in fear, and you had to steel yourself. "What do we do?" She whispered.

"Kitchen, there's only one door and the basement," you nodded, the two of you turning and hustling into the room. You looked around and found a long cerated knife, standing at the ready with one arm around your baby.

"What's gonna come for us?"

"Whatever the hell happened to Daddy," you gulped. "I still think we should run for it."

"But Mama - "

"She's probably dead!" You snapped. "But we aren't. We don't have to die if we play smart. I say, we get what we need and get the fuck out of here."

However, before she could answer, there was a snarling from outside the door. Your baby still cried, and soon, the door was bursting open with your mother's Infected body being hurled through the door. Your sister begged your name in a yell and you repeated at her that it's not really your mother - keeping the kitchen island between you three - and that she needed to swing the bat.

However, your little brother came barreling inside right after and knocked into you. It was a struggle as you had to let go of your baby to keep the 10-year-old demon off your body; hip teeth gnashing as pale tendrils came curling out of his mouth.

"NO!"

You couldn't look back at your sister, struggling to keep the suspiciously-strong boy at bay. You used your feet to kick him off you, snatch up the knife, and as he came back - snarling and screaming - you only stabbed the knife up into the underside of his jaw. Yanking free, blood and more came gushing out, and your brother when down.

When you turned, your sister was panting and leaning against a counter. Mother laid dead at her feet. "You good?" You asked.

"Yeah... You?"

"Yeah," you sniffled, moving to collect your baby from the bloody linoleum floor. "Can we get the fuck outta here now?"

"There's no more threat."

"Seriously?" You snapped. "Honey, if it happened here, it's happenin' elsewhere and we need to fucking move before we get left behind. Understand me?"

But then... There was a sickening sound from the only other door in the kitchen... The one leading to the basement...

"Katie?" You called your sister's name, "it's time to run."

"GO!" She screamed when a new body, that of your next door neighbor, came bursting through the door. You both ran, your daughter tight to your chest, and just made it outside your family home when a truck was screeching to a halt.

Joel leapt from the passenger seat, hollering your name in panic, and making you shoot off like a Roman Candle towards him. He caught you easily, holding you and your infant close to his chest as Katie came sprinting from behind you - taking cover behind Joel.

"What - "

"JOEL!" Katie screamed, pointing towards the body rushing from your home.

"Tommy!"

There came a gunshot, making you flinch into his chest as he turned you from the sight. "Get in the truck," Tommy called, Sarah opening the door from the inside to invite Katie in.

"We gotta go, darlin', it's time to go, let's go," Joel muttered to you.

"What the fuck is happenin'?"

"We don't know, but it's bad," he nodded, looking around frantically. "We need off the streets, baby, please, get in the truck."

But you paused, asking him, "You came back for me?"

"For the both of you," he sighed, caressing the top of your daughter's head - who still wailed in fear. "Please, baby, it's time to go - get in the truck." When you did, he rambled, "Thank you, thank you, thank you, all right, Tommy! Let's go!"

When everyone was in and doors shut, a new game began: Get the Hell Outta Dodge.

During the ride, Tommy and Joel filled you and Katie in with what they knew from the broadcasters that were once on the airwaves. Sarah held onto you tightly, infant child still wriggling in your lap and arms. You were trying to flee the suburbs, making for the highway, but it seemed, everyone else who hadn't been killed off had the same idea and created intense traffic.

"We're okay," you whispered to Sarah on repeat, almost in a chant. Katie frowned and slowly reached over Sarah's lap, taking hold of your daughter. You slowly let go only to latch full onto Sarah and try to comfort her with slow rocking and cooed words of encouragement. Joel knew that in your time apart, you and Sarah saw each other often - nearly on a daily basis - and could understand that you were her mother, through-and-through.

You both needed the comfort right now.

Someone to lean on.

Someone to be scared with you instead of saying "buck up."

"Take the field, Tommy!" Katie barked from the back, holding your screaming baby to her shoulder and trying to offer her warmth and comfort. However, it was impossible with the tangible panic and loud blaring of horns and cursing voices. "We can cut across and pick the road up on the west side."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. West, West, all right. All right, hang on," he turned the wheel, everyone bracing for the sharp movement before the bumping of the terrain became wildly uneven.

Around them, other cars followed suit, and the field was soon flooded with civilian cars trying to flee. "The fuck could be happening?" Katie asked you, gulping, "You're the doctor!"

"I-I don't fucking know, Katie, please," you whispered back, gulping in nerves as Tommy drove you all over the grass.

However, when they came over the hill to catch sight of their destination, there was a flooding of lights and choppers in the air. Tommy cursed, "Shit! Fuckin' Army!"

"Isn't that good?" Sarah asked from your embrace.

"It's good for them, but that's the highway we're tryna get to," Tommy explained, coming to a halt as cars flooded past them.

"All right, keep movin'. Head north," Joel advised quietly, his mind trying to settle.

"Could be a lotta people," Tommy argued lightly.

"Well, we can't go south, we can't go east, we can't go west," Joel pointed out. "Hell else we supposed to go?"

"Tommy, fuckin' drive!" You grit, Katie joining you in on the last word.

"Tommy, c'mon!" Joel followed right after. The tires squealed as Tommy pressed on the gas while turning his wheel, making the truck turn and speed off for a distant suburban town; lights in the distance guiding you. "Yeah," Joel muttered. "Yeah, I know that place. This can work."

"Yeah, all right, fine, cool, but then what?" Katie asked. "Where are we supposed to go then?"

"I don't know. Mexico. Just far, far as we can," Joel answered uneasily. "How much gas?"

"Three-quarter tank," Tommy answered.

"Go through town," Joel advised. "Golf course by the river, straight across, we pick up the highway on the other side of the blockade, then we're out."

"I'm gonna throw up," Katie whispered, head tilted back with her eyes closed.

"If you're feelin' sick, hand me my baby," you snapped, looking at her with fear.

"No, girl, it's anxiety," she snapped back. "I'm not sick."

"How can you be sure?" Sarah wondered.

"Cause it would've hit us the same as it did our family..."

"Who'd it hit?" Tommy wondered, looking back.

"We're all that's left," you sighed, saving your sister from answering. "Daddy turned first, then Mama... Billy after... We got out."

"They bite 'chall?" Tommy asked, glancing back.

"No," you answered, looking at Katie. "You bit?"

"Nope, I beat 'em to the punch," she sighed. "Ah, fuck, my stomach."

"Throw up in my truck, darlin'," Tommy muttered, sucking his teeth.

"Throw up on my baby, Kate, and I'll beat 'cho ass," you snipped, perking a warning brow at her.

"Girl," she sighed, glancing at Sarah - who had sat off you in contemplation. "Sarah?" She whispered in wondered.

"Maybe it's everywhere," she voiced, glancing at the two of you sat on either side of her. "Maybe there's nowhere to go..."

"Well, hey, we'll just have to find somewhere safe," you nodded back at her, but furrowed your brow. "Anyone hear that?"

"Oh, shit - "

"What the fuck!?" Tommy called over Katie, glancing up towards the roof as there came a deafening sound of a plane flying far too low to the ground.

"Cover her ears!" You begged Katie, reaching for Sarah to press your hands over her ears. Your sister held your daughter's ears closed - her still screaming bloody murder - as the plane flew over the truck.

"Fuckin' hell!" She looked back, noting the sky. Sarah whipped around, too, only to spy two more planes in the sky - all flying low and at odd angles.

However, ahead of them, cop cars were speeding around the streets and cutting off any route. "Son of a bitch," Tommy cursed. "Gotta go around. Grab somethin'!"

You held onto the designated 'oh shit!' bar over your head as Sarah leaned over to hold Katie and your baby. Tommy took a sharp right into an alley, between buildings. When you all rightened, it was only to see the people on the street running around, screaming, cars zooming past them all. Tommy took a left, then another right, and joined the bustle of the street.

"All right, keep goin', keep goin'," Joel pointed ahead, but tommy blew past a stop sign. "Shit - TOMMY!"

Another car came to a screeching halt, barely missing T-boning the Tommy's truck. They moved on, only to discover people mauling each other in the street - blocking most of their path. "Oh, my God," Sarah whispered, reaching for you as your arm came around her shoulders again as Tommy came to a stall.

"Tommy, you can't stop here," Joel reminded.

"I can't drive through 'em all!"

"Are you serious?" Joel barked. "Just keep goin'!"

However, ahead came the smashing of glass and a stampede of people - all running wildly and making you assume they were Infected, too. "Ohhhhhhh, shit," Katie whimpered.

"Go, go, go, go, back, back, back, back, back, back," Joel encouraged his brother, who hastily switched gears.

"I'm trying!"

However, when you and Sarah looked back to watch the crowd and stay out of Tommy's range of sight, you saw a distant threat and tuned everything else out. "Joel!" You begged, reaching for his arm as the sight of an airborne plane turning in the sky to head back your way was far too pressing right now.

"Dad!" Sarah echoed.

"Holy shit," Katie sobbed, cradling your baby tightly and without you even noticing, put her seatbelt on.

"Move. MOVE!" Joel told Tommy.

The plane took a nosedive into the ground, exploding, and send a flurry of parts around the surrounding area. One of those areas happened to the building you were driving past, and one of the steel parts ricocheted off it and into the truck.

Everything went black.

•

"Baby? Baby, can you hear me? Hey, hey, hey, darlin', c'mon, open them pretty eyes for me, c'mon, baby, please."

"Fuck," you wheezed, eyes slowly opening.

"Hey, hey, hey, there you are, hey," Joel whispered, Tommy, Katie, and Sarah already out of the truck. "There you go, c'mon, you all right? You hurt?"

"No," you blinked a few times, wiggling your toes and fingers. "Fuck's sake, what happened?"

"Car accident," he nodded, "c'mon, sugar, gotta get up for me," he looked around. "We ain't safe here, c'mon, baby, that's it."

You nodded and let him pull you from the wreckage, grunting when shattered glass pressed into your skin to create long drips of blood that resembled a child's melted-crayon canvas from elementary art class. When out, Sarah kept weight off her ankle and wobbled in her stance, making you frowned, "All right?"

"Ankle," Sarah sniffled.

"We gotta get off the streets!" Tommy called from the other side of the car.

"KATIE!?"

"I got her!" She called back, and then, you could distinguish her shrill crying. You sighed with relief before Tommy was profanely screaming and Joel turned you and Sarah from the car just as an out-of-control police car came smashing into the truck.

"I got her," you told Joel, taking hold of Sarah in full as he nodded in thanks before turning for the wreckage they couldn't get around.

"Tommy!? Tommy!? Katie!? TOMMY!"

The brothers found a glimpse of each other through the flames, Tommy telling his brother, "Head to the river! We'll find a way! Get them outta here, Joel! Go!"

"Take care of my daughter," he nodded back.

"C'mon," Tommy told Katie, and the two were taking off with Tommy's gun slung over his shoulder.

Joel turned back for you and Sarah, gulping nervously at you, "Darlin', listen, I'm so sorry - "

"Joel, now's not the time," you panted. "We gotta go. Okay? We're good right now, but we gotta stay good. Let's get the fuck outta here, please. We can talk later!"

He nodded back, looking at Sarah, who refused, "We can't leave them! K-Katie has D - "

"They'll be fine," Joel insisted. "Tommy's with 'em, they'll look after each other. Can you run?"

"No," she shook her head, making Joel sigh.

"Can you?"

"I'm good," you nodded, worryingly looking at Sarah. "I can carry her - "

"'S all right, darlin'," he muttered, sweeping Sarah into his arms and making her arms latch around his neck. "You keep your eyes on me," he told his daughter. She nodded. "Okay?"

"Okay," Sarah breathed.

"Okay," Joel nodded. "And you don't look anywhere else." Sarah buried her head in her father's neck, his eyes meeting yours. "And you..." He panted, swallowing nervously. "You stay with me, you stay right with me, all right?"

"All right."

"All right," he agreed, hurrying off down the alley. You were true to your word, keeping up with him easily, but both slowing when the end of the alley only lead to a group of Infected motherfuckers feasting on the flesh of other humans.

You panicked for a moment, looking around you, and nearly missing the sound of the a distant explosion - sounding more like a crack from this distance. However, it was enough of a sound to draw the attention of at least one Infected Fucker - who looked up to stare at you, Joel, and Sarah.

Joel lead you to a building behind you - but the Fucker followed. "Joel, go, go, go," you hissed, easily taking the lead to use your body to burst through doors. Joel followed, understanding that because he was carrying Sarah, you had assumed the role of "guide" and wanted to clear his path - but it also cleared a path to be followed.

It made horrendous sounds as it chased you three, literally hauling it's body around as if it had no real control over it. The feeling inside your chest was chaotic, the tension tangible through the air as you lead Joel through the closed-diner.

The creature still followed.

Finally outside, you didn't have to restrict yourself but couldn't find it in you to leave Joel and Sarah behind. If this was the end, it was only right you fell as a family - and while deeply stupid of you, it was oddly poetic. However, as you heard the beast in pursuit just nipping at your heels, so sounded a reverberating gunshot.

It made you pause, looking back to see a headshot had taken the Infected Fucker out, and yet, no obvious sign of the shooter. Joel comforted Sarah, looking down at you - making you nod, telling him you were okay - before looking around again.

Then, a flashlight blinded you as a Humvee's lights flashed on, a voice demanding, "Don't move!"

"Joel..." You whispered, holding onto his elbow as he readjusted so he was slightly in front of you.

"My daughter's hurt!" Joel called to the military man. "Her ankle!"

"Stop right there!" He barked again.

"Okay," Joel muttered, nerves being shared as you had a bad feeling about this. "Easy now. We're not sick!"

But the solider, instead, radioed in, "I got three civilians by the river, one of 'em injured... Ankle..."

"What about Uncle Tommy and Aunt Katie?" Sarah asked her father.

"We're gonna get you somewhere safe first, with your Mama. Yeah? Then we'll come back for 'em, okay?"

"Okay."

"Okay."

"I'm sorry, repeat?" The solider asked into his comms system - earning your attention again. Joel tried to step forward, but the flashlight was right back up into your face, the man snapping, "Hey! No one told you to move!"

"Joel," you worried. "They have shoot-to-kill orders."

"What?" He whispered.

"In the event of extreme violence, similar to this, they have orders to shoot-to-kill," you told him shakily, watching the man. "I know you wanna trust 'em, but they're not our friend right now. Get ready to run..."

"Darlin' - "

"Joel," you hushed, squeezing his elbow.

The solider answered his commanding officer with three, spaced out, "Yes, sir's," before he was slowly picking up his firearm and the light was again in their eyes.

Joel realized how right his estranged wife was in that moment. "We're not sick," he tried to remind. But the man approached, making Sarah's breathing pick up as she held on tighter to Joel's neck - blindly reaching out for you. "Sir," Joel begged, "we are not sick!"

But just like you had said, the orders were shoot-to-kill, and the rapid gunfire sounded in the knight - only barely masked by Sarah's high-pitched scream. You felt a searing burn in your thigh, all three of you toppling over down the short hill you were heading towards; all three rolling away from one another.

When you came to a halt, you seethed in pain, holding your thigh, but hearing a much worse sound. Sarah hyperventilating. You looked up as the solider leered over Joel, army-crawling towards her just as a gunshot sounded. However, when you weren't struck, you kept going, and reached your stepdaughter.

"Baby?" You whispered.

"Mama," she begged. "Mama, Mama," she repeated, barely able to swallow her saliva - much less her fear. "Hurts," she grunted, soon losing the ability to form words.

Tommy had seen the scene and rushed forward to shoot the solider, leaving Katie at his side with your infant daughter still in arm. "I got'cha, hey, hey, hey, I"m here," you whispered, literally whipping your shirt off to press into her stomach. "JOEL!" You cried, looking over your shoulder to spy him on the ground.

He quickly scrambled to Sarah's other side, taking in the situation, and looking at you with absolute devastation. You cried as you held pressure, but you knew, from the entry wounds, Sarah didn't stand a chance. Her aorta artery had been hit and shredded by a bullet, only giving her moments left in this life.

Watching Joel was possibly harder than watching him walk away from you in the birthing room. He was desperate, trying to save his daughter but only being able to hold her as she grunted and sobbed in pain; bleeding out in her father's arms. Joel begged you to help but you couldn't, unable to form words, so, he turned to his brother and screamed at him - and your sister - to help him.

But in that moment he had looked away, Sarah's life had left them. "Joel," you whimpered, making him look down and realize what happened. He sobbed, drawing her in tightly; rocking helplessly on the ground as he couldn't fathom what had just happened.

However, amongst his mourning, there came a sound you never wanted to hear again. Whipping around, you caught sight of your sister starting to twitch and leapt to your feet; limping in hurried motions to snatch your screaming baby from her tightening grip.

"Katie," you begged in a sob, backing up towards Tommy, "oh, God, no... No, please."

But the bite on her forearm had turned a sickly black-and-blue, alerting she had been bit at some point and never voiced it. Before your very eyes, she turned from your dear, sweet older sister into a blood-thirsty monster. Yellowed and dead eyes, snarling and uncontrollable twitching, limbs that turned up in odd angles as the infection took over completely.

When done, you sister gave a shriek before you pleaded, "Tommy!"

He took aim and fired once, putting Katie out of her misery; sending her corpse crumbling to the ground. You panted, tears in your eyes as you couldn't process this night, but then... The unexpected.

"Oh, God, no," you gasped, wrenching your daughter from your chest as she started wriggling uncontrollably. "No, no, no, no, no, no," you sobbed, dropping to your knees and laying her down. Quickly opening her baby blanket, you noted the adult-sized bite on her whole shin, sobbing harshly. "Delilah! No, not my baby, no, no, oh, fuck, no, c'mon, not you, too. Not you, too, Delilah, please, my angel, oh, fuck, no, God damn it!"

"Darlin'," Tommy stuttered from behind you. He looked up in fear, finding his brother's confused gaze and calling, "J-Joel!"

"Delilah, please, fuck, h-how do I fix this!?" You begged. "No, fuck, God damn it! Why can't I help my daughters!?" You snarled at Tommy, sobbing until your chest hurt. "Why!? Why can't I save them!?"

"Doll," he whispered, his older brother slowly letting go of Sarah to lay her down, shut her eyes, and rest her arms over her stomach before turning for you.

"Not her, too, please," you begged. "That's everyone, please, no, please, th-this can't - please, this can't be happening! How do I help, Delilah, baby, please?" You still begged, looking at her bite. "I-I can - I don't know what to do! Wo-Would amputation work? Oh, fuck, no, no, it's - no, please!"

Joel stumbled to his feet, nearing you, but pausing as he could only stare as his infant daughter, whom he had only just seen, twitched and convulsed as the infection proved too great for her little body. It also wasn't lost to his that you had name her after his own mother, long since departed from this world and who would never meet her granddaughter.

"Oh, my God," Joel whispered, slowly nearing you as you sobbed over your daughter; hands hovering all over as you weren't sure where to touch her.

"Please!" You begged nobody, sobbing uselessly as Delilah came to a slow but jarring halt. "Oh, my God," you squeaked, leaning back in shock. "Oh... Oh, my fuckin' God, no... Not our kids, c'mon, no, God, please, fuck - this has to be some fucked-up nightmare. Right?" You looked desperately at Joel. "This... This isn't real, right? This isn't really happening? Please, Joel, you have to fucking tell me this isn't real - this can't be real."

"I'm sorry," Joel wheezed, slowly reaching for you.

"This didn't happen," you shook your head. "O-Our daughters - what the fuck just happened?"

Tommy slowly took the seat on your other side, Joel easily tugging you into his embrace as your sobs wracked your whole being. There were no words to be shared, only the grief of two parents who had just lost everything. Sarah's blood stained both your skin, Delilah laid perfectly still in her baby blanket right in front of you, and Tommy, who felt his gun weighed more than himself after failing to protect those he loved most in this world.

Joel, who lost his daughters but kept his brother.

And you... Who lost your husband a year ago and both your daughters, your mother, father, little brother, and older sister all in a single night. You, who would carry this night of great loss with you, for life. You, who felt confused on how "moving forward" was ever possible. You, who would eventually lose feeling in your head and heart that would result in years of violent turmoil.

You, who would eventually find a path to redemption, but for tonight, you, who grieved loudly and openly in the bloody arms of your estranged husband.

Woven (Eris x Reader)

Summary// After meeting the Autumn Court heir, you find yourself falling fast, thinking that he is just as in love with you as you are with him. Late one night, you find yourself in his office uncovering a truth that leaves your heart in pieces.

Request: Was just chilling and a fic idea popped up in my head: reader is a part of inner circle and Eris gets in a relationship with her to get information out of her. Reader falls hard and eris too but not very much. After the reader somehow realises he's using her, they have an argument. Eris says horrible things to her and just as he's about to leave, the bond snaps for him and he realises how much he fked up.

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The house was silent as you roamed the halls, yet another sleepless night prompting you to venture to the kitchen for some tea before slowly making your way back to your bedchambers. Normally, you would wake your boyfriend, but tonight, something in you left your hand hovering over his sleeping form, refusing to wake him.

Things had been tense between him and your family, but everyone seemed to be getting past any previous issues that might've sparked mistrust. Eris wasn't as bad as you'd all thought him to be, and as it turned out, he was trying to change things for the better. Your brother and the High Lord of Autumn had been at odds for years, the whole event being what sparked your relationship with the heir.

Rhys had requested that you spend one of your evenings at the Court of Nightmares in Eris's company, dancing with the male and learning any bits of information that might give your brother the upper hand. It was that very night where you learned the truth: Eris was trying to kill his father.

When you'd brought the information back to your family, heart already soreing at the thought of seeing the male again, they were in utter shock. Your brother, Rhys, had asked that you spend more time with Eris, the Inner Circle wanting to understand his motives.

And so it began, your courtship with Eris. It hadn't taken you long to determine that he was a good, kind, and honest male, one that you very much enjoyed spending time with. He hated his father more than your family did, a feat you never thought possible. That hatred was the very thing fueling him, the very thing pushing him to remove his father from position. The action would make him High Lord, something that your brother had given a lot of thought.

Your relationship with Eris would mean an alliance of sorts, and although Rhys didn't fully trust your boyfriend, he trusted him more than he trusted the current High Lord. So, the two of them had been working together with the help of your brothers friends, the four of them hatching a plan to assist Eris.

Everything had been going so well, with Rhysand going as far as to set up an office for your boyfriend. Eris had been making more of an effort, for you, to your family. He'd brought home gifts for the girls multiple times, trained with the Illyrians, and even offered to help out with projects around Velaris. Your heart soared as you thought back to this morning.

Feyre had taken a group of schoolchildren into her studio, teaching them all to paint for the day, the whole experience free of charge. The number of children had been overwhelming, and your sister-in-law had sent for you, requesting your assistance. You were supposed to spend the day with Eris, but after hearing of the situation at hand, he had thrown your plans out, insisting on coming with you, telling you that he didn't care what you were doing so long as you still were able to spend the day together. You'd taken him up on the offer, and it was a good thing you had. For as rare as children were, there were more of them than you could count. Watching Eris with them did something to you, had your heart strings pulling taut, thinking of your own red-headed children running freely, paint from their Aunt's studio splattered on their hands as they went.

The thought slowly faded as you passed his study, steps faltering as you did so. You were unsure why, but something in you tugged you closer, urging you to step inside and look around. Unable to stop yourself, legs moving on their own accord, you slowly pushed the doors open, discarding your cup of tea on the nearest flat surface as you made your way into the room.

Your eyes roamed the bare walls, finding nothing that would mark the space as his, nothing that would show his permanent residency in the house. As you neared his desk, you noticed the array of papers scattered about, splayed across the table with no noticeable organization. Guilt was beginning to seep in the longer you stayed, mentally chiding yourself for snooping through his things. You were turning to leave when your eyes snagged on a half folded sheet of paper, ink still uncapped beside it as if it had been written recently.

You looked to the door, listening for any signs of movement before dashing around the desk, seating yourself in his chair as you pulled the paper towards you, hands shaking as you read the name at the top, seeing who the letter had been addressed to:

Beron.

To your horror, the penmanship belonged to that of a certain Autumn heir who was fast asleep in your shared bed. You unfolded the paper, eyes devouring Eris's words as your mouth fell open, tears beginning to well in your eyes as you read the final line.

The girl has proven to be more useful than we thought, so naive and blinded by the falseness of love that she can't see the truth.

You couldn't stop the squeak that escaped you seconds before you clapped your hand over your mouth, not wanting to wake anyone just yet. Your mind was spinning as your brain desperately tried to comprehend what you'd just read, hating the way your heart seemed to crack in your chest.

He used you.

None of it was real. All the nights spent together, all of those intimate moments, they were all fake, the love he gave you was nothing more than a lie. You stood abruptly, chair tipping back until it was careening for the floor, anger taking over as you roughly grabbed the paper and made your way to the door, calm night long since forgotten.

He used you.

He used you to get the upper hand in the ongoing feud between his Court and yours. It made you sick, thinking of everything you'd told him behind closed doors, things that you thought you could trust him with, the very things that made both you and your family vulnerable. Your gut churned as you thought of the mess you'd made for your brother, realizing the whole thing was your fault.

Your brother had warned you to be careful with your heart, warned you not to give it away too quickly. Your mother had spent hours upon hours lecturing you, telling you that this world was just one big game, that the males of opposing Courts would see you as nothing more than a pawn to use in their games. She'd been adamant that you take your time picking your love, picking who to spend your forever with, and you'd promised that you would.

At the reminder of her, your heart broke more, hating that you hadn't listened to her wise words, knowing that she would be anything but proud of you in this moment. You stormed through the hallways, the house itself seeming to shake in your presence, at the underlying power beginning to stir within you. Without thinking, you burst through the doors of your bedroom, paying no mind to the loudness of your actions sure to wake your family.

Eris shot up in bed, confused look on his face as he took in your form, standing in the doorway. Slight worry flared in his eyes as he rose from the bed, seeing the crumpled paper in your hands and the tears beginning to track down your cheeks.

He had the nerve to approach you, brushing his hand down your arm. "Y/n, my love, what's wrong?"

You slammed the paper into his chest, pushing him back from you as anger sparked. "Don't, Eris."

He looked at you once more before his eyes moved down to the paper, reading the same words that you had read just minutes before, words he wrote.

His expression changed, and signs of concern disappearinginstantly, frowning as he looked to you. "Why were you in my office?"

Your laugh was void of humor. "That's what you're worried about?! Unbelievable." Your voice broke as you spoke, body recoiling at the sound, hating that you had let this happen. "You lied to me, Eris. You used me, you manipulated me. You are a fucking liar."

He scoffed as he looked you over, the feeling of his eyes on you making your skin crawl. "And you, y/n, are naive. You really never saw anything wrong with this? With us?" He gestured between your bodies. "Please, y/n. Tell me you aren't that stupid."

You couldn't stop the small sob that escaped you, silently knowing that he was right. You had been foolish, and just as he'd said, you'd been naive. There was something odd about your relationship, something odd about his willingness to move in with you, shacking up with a group of people he had claimed to hate for decades. Thinking about it now, none of it seemed right. It was all backward and twisted, nothing but a tangle of lies wound perfectly to entrap you.

You heard the sound of multiple footsteps thundering down the hall, knowing it was your family but unable to look away from the male before you.

Rhys's voice broke through your bubble, ringing through your mind and demanding an answer. "What's going on?"

Your voice was barely above a whisper as your body deflated, utterly defeated and ashamed of your actions, hating the words as they left your mouth. "He lied."

You could feel the wheels turning as your family tried to understand what you were saying, twin pairs of black shadows winding through your hands in an attempt to comfort you without their masters knowledge.

You steeled your spine, facing your brother's confused expression. "He used me. Eris does not love me. He does not want me. He was only ever here to get information for his father."

In less than a second, Rhys was on the Autumn heir, bringing his fists down repeatedly until there was blood smeared across his knuckles. You heard a shrill scream that you were pretty sure was coming from you, faltering slightly when Feyre rushed to your side, hugging you close as she whispered words you didn't hear into your ear.

As you watched the scene unfolding in front of you, a war waged in your body. Heart desperate for your brother to stop as your mind reveled in the image of Eris's blood meeting the floor. You were well aware that both Cassian and Azriel's hesitation to stop Rhys was intentional, waiting for a few moments before moving to haul their brother from Eris's body.

Rhysand was fuming, his glare promising death as he watched the Autumn male rise from the floor, swiping the blood from his nose away, eyes traveling around the room before stopping on you. Based on the looks the males still holding Rhys wore, you knew that they too wanted nothing more than to end the male still watching you closely.

Eris said nothing, letting the paper fall to the floor before turning to grab a t-shirt, throwing the fabric over his head and making his way to the door. He froze, taking in the blonde woman who now stood in the doorway, the two watching each other. You couldn't see Eris's expression, but based on the look Mor was giving him, you knew that it was taking everything in her not to hurt him further. She gracefully stepped to the side, allowing Eris to exit.

You didn't miss the way he froze as his body passed through the threshold, head whipping back to you as something you couldn't quite place seemed to flash in his eyes before he seemed to catch himself, turning back and leaving his mess behind. Leaving you.

————————————

Eris froze as he stepped through the doorway, body seemingly unwilling to go any further from the woman standing inside the room behind him. Something in his chest tightened as a small ball of light seemed to appear, stemming from his heart, its movements languid seconds before it shot out. The string roughly yanked his heart against his ribs in its desperate attempt to reach you.

Before he could attempt to stop it, he was hit with an unbelievably heavy wall of sadness, anger, frustration, confusion, and heartbreak. His back straightened as he realized just who he was now tethered to, guilt beginning to seep in. He silently begged his feet to keep moving, but his body seemed to have other plans as his head spun back.

You were stood still, hands just coming up to wrap around Feyre, who had thrown her arms around you in an attempt to comfort you as her mate tackled him. Your eyes were swollen, red, and puffy as tears continued to fall freely, wetting your cheeks. Eris hated this, hated that he had made you cry. But more than that, he hated that he cared. He did not love you. He felt nothing for you.

His thoughts confused him as he took one last look at you, mind committing you to memory without his permission as he turned back around, leaving you behind him.

His mate.

Forget Me Not | 4

You confuse healing with hurting others; Azriel's ready to let you hurt him anyway.

WC: 3.5k

Warnings: TW: SA!!! Please do not read if this is triggering for you. Angst, feelings, my poor boy Azriel is sad.

a/n: I'm so thankful for all the support and kind comments for this story! There will still be at least 2 more parts. Sorry for this one being a bit shorter.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

-------------------------------------

Azriel hadn't interacted with you much since lending you his dagger.

He was always there, sure, but he seemed to be letting you lead wherever your friendship would go. He did not try to force you into speaking with him or being around him, but you did notice his nervous energy when you were around.

When you'd pass him in the House of Wind, run into one another in the library, or sit across from each other at dinner, you couldn't help but study how he'd changed. While he had been quiet before, he had always held a certain peaceful arrogance about him. Now, his silence seemed more insecure and anxious, as if he was not quite sure of himself in his own place of residence.

You hadn't had anyone stay the night with you since that night with Azriel either.

You noticed that he kept his bedroom light on every night, though. You weren't sure if he did this to pretend he was still awake, so you'd be less embarrassed if you needed to wake him, or if he did this to reassure you someone was aware and ready in the house during a time of the night you felt more vulnerable. Either way, you tried not to let it effect you too much.

Some nights when noticing the change between Azriel and yourself got too much, you would cry until your eyes became swollen and burned with exhaustion, finally allowing you to fall asleep. Other nights, every noise in the house caused your anxiety to skyrocket, and you found yourself heading to the library to read as a distraction, knowing you would have to try to rest the following night instead.

Nightmares came every now and then. You had mentioned this to Rhys, assuming that he might have experienced something similar with how much he had gone through, and he suggested a sleeping tonic from Madja. You took it nightly, and it seemed to help the majority of the time.

It had been two months since that night, and while your progress was no where near finished, and your trauma would forever be a part of you, you felt less fragile than you did in those previous weeks. You had started showing up to group events again with the whole inner circle, laughing had become more of a consistent part of your days with the help of Cassian and Mor, and the House had even helped prepare food you could keep down until your appetite was back to normal.

The only thing that didn't seem to be getting any better was your relationship with Azriel.

He tried to help in his own way. He left books out in inconspicuous locations that he thought you would like. There would be a box of your favorite pastries on the kitchen counter in the morning, as if anyone else in the household liked their tart flavor. Sometimes you would even notice shadows slinking into your room at night, tugging at the window locks and blinds to ensure everything was secure.

And you knew he wasn’t trying to be noticeable with these things. In fact, it seemed like he was doing everything in his power to not draw attention to himself. He would instead scan through the pages of the books to see if you had made any notes, check the pastry boxes to make sure you had eaten something, or have his shadows close the window when the cold air was beginning to wake you up.

The fact that it all helped only made you angrier.

The inner circle noticed your frustration around the shadowsinger as well, especially during Winter Solstice celebrations.

You had felt good enough to join the rest of the group at the River House, but it was obvious enough how tense things were between you and Azriel:

Friends exchanged gifts, hugs, and laughter, but Azriel kept to himself the entirety of the night, only occasionally sending one of his family members a small smile or taking a sip of his drink.

He had gotten everyone very thoughtful gifts, and he seemed genuinely touched at the presents he received in return. You tried not to flinch at the gardening book he had gotten Elain or the decorated sheath she had gotten him for one of his daggers.

Azriel and Elain didn't speak much that night though, as much as you tried not to notice. You really did try not to notice Azriel so much, but it was as if your gaze was being pulled to him by some unknown force, demanding that you acknowledge that he was here, close to your side, his attention all on you.

And you felt that attention more than ever when Feyre handed you a box wrapped in midnight blue, the wrapping paper glinting from where you sat by the fire.

Swallowing, you refused to look up at Azriel, knowing it would only make the feeling in your stomach worse.

You heard Rhys making conversation in the background, trying to ease the tension and take some attention away from yours and Azriel's exchange.

The shadowsinger also tried to give you privacy, chiming in here and there to add to Rhys’ conversation, but you still felt his eyes keep moving to you.

Fingers fumbled with unwrapping and pulling apart the box before finally revealing what lay beneath.

Underneath a layer of tissue paper sat a delicate piece of glass about the size of a piece of paper. It was transparent, but somehow held some light and color at certain angles, adding a sort of whimsical iridescence to it. It was stunning, and your careful fingers felt unworthy of holding such an awe-inspiring thing. Your only problem was you had no idea what it actually was.

Azriel cleared his throat, and you couldn't stop your eyes from floating to his.

"It's a translator." He fidgeted from the chair he sat in. "From the Day Court. If you place it on a page of writing, it will translate the text to whatever language you request. I thought you might want to expand some of the books you have access to."

Your heart pounded in your chest. He knew you loved reading. He knew you loved studying. He knew you and had gotten you a gift that made you so excited you had to actively scold yourself to loosen your grip on the glass.

His hazel eyes were filled with so much emotion as he tried to gauge your reaction, you felt something physically crack in your chest.

You tried to will your tears down.

"Thank you," you whispered, unable to make your voice louder. Azriel accepted it all the same, giving you a small nod before clasping his hands together and averting his gaze back to Rhys.

You hadn't gotten anything for Azriel.

You didn't have much to give him anymore. He knew that, despite the sadness that surrounded him that night.

Maybe it was because you would have gotten him a solstice gift before. Not only would you have picked something out months in advance, you would have teased him about it, gone giddy with excitement over the surprise.

After what happened, there hadn’t been a gift in that pile addressed to him from you, and it only served to show the damage that had been done to your friendship.

You tried not to let what he had done damage you further, continuing to build up your walls both physically and emotionally.

Cassian’s training was great for the body and mind, and you put all of your focus into that.

Training had allowed for you to channel some of the agony harbored in your chest into exercise. Every night around 9pm you would meet the general up in the training ring, going over anything from conditioning and weight lifting to actual battle tactics like sword training and hand-to-hand combat.

You knew that Azriel normally came up to train late at night, but it seemed like he pushed his time later in order to give Cassian and you some privacy. You tried not to think about how little of sleep he must be getting if he wasn't coming up to train until midnight. It wasn't your problem.

At first, you were scared both intrusive thoughts and your body's memory would hinder your sessions. You had been hesitant and nervous, but Cassian had quickly made you feel at ease. You knew he had trained Gwyn, and Cassian was a trusted friend, so you shouldn't have been surprised when the sessions went swimmingly.

Cassian was such a steady presence, someone you knew you could always rely on. He made sure to check in on you every night, casually asking questions that seemed nonchalant enough to not be overbearing or annoying while still showing he cared. That didn't stop him from overstepping at times though.

Hours ago, Cassian had been sparring with you in the training ring, his steps circling your own and hands raised ready to strike. You had followed his movements, trying to remember everything you had been taught while silencing outside noises.

You weren't sure if he had said it to get under your skin, to win the upper hand, or if it was something he had actually been pondering for a while.

When you had taken a step as if to attack, Cassian had eyed the dagger in your hand — Azriel’s dagger —and had bluntly asked, "Do you think you'll ever forgive him?"

You had nearly stumbled in your stance.

The inner circle had been very careful to tiptoe around you and Azriel. They didn't ask about your relationship or where you stood, never tried to force interactions or situations upon the two of you, and you had gotten used to the peace of their feigned ignorance.

You had to shake off the shock of his question before it festered in your chest.

"What?" You had decided to ask instead, buying yourself some time to think.

You didn't know what you were doing with your body anymore, if you were still on physically guard, fighting, or if all of your energy was being put toward guarding your emotions.

"I'm not saying you should," Cassian had quickly amended. "But I am wondering where your head is at."

Only staring at him, your eyebrow arched in challenge. "Should it be somewhere specific?"

Cassian's sigh had been near silent in the large room, and the large warrior seemed to deflate at your answer. "No. Of course not."

"Good," you had only replied, voice hard and final. "Then let's keep going."

Cassian had gone right back to his teasing, difficult self, but he left not too long after that sparring round ended.

That had been hours ago, but you were still there, knives and daggers lined up, throwing them at the boards across from you. Each throw had you huffing, and with your strength depleting, your aim became further and further off through the night.

Your arms were sore and numb, both from throwing the weapons and from sparring with Cassian earlier. But it felt good, knowing your muscles were being used, knowing you were growing stronger, more powerful and less vulnerable.

Sleep should have found you about an hour ago, but you knew you wouldn't be able to get any tonight. Cassian's words flowed nonstop through your head: Do you think you'll ever forgive him?

I don't know Cassian, do you think he'll ever stop being such a fuck-up?

The question made you angry, because this situation was never about him, and you didn't owe Azriel anything.

You knew Azriel was Cassian's brother. You knew everyone wanted your family to be whole again, to stop seeing each other hurting. But you were angry at the expectations placed on you by your friends to offer forgiveness, you were angry at Azriel for being too late in every area of your life, and you were angry at yourself for missing him.

Gods, you wanted to scream, to thrash, to hit yourself until you could force yourself into just minutes of peaceful rest.

Do you think you'll ever forgive him?

Do you think he deserves forgiveness?

You paused, breathing heavily as you thought over your own words and reaction. You knew he was trying, but you also knew some things didn't change. And some people weren't worth getting hurt over again.

Before you could pull the dagger in your hand back and launch it forward toward the wooden board, you noticed the shift in the air.

Shadows danced along the floors, curling and floating around training equipment.

You knew Azriel moved back the time he would come up here to train independently so that you and Cassian could have privacy. You knew that you were technically the one infringing on his claimed time and peace now. That didn't stop the wave of frustration that rolled over you, though.

Azriel's presence mimicked that same wave shoving you under. You were sick of it. Sick of feeling like you couldn't breathe, like you couldn't fight back, like every single inch of your body wouldn't listen to you anymore. You were sick and tired of feeling worthless, like you would never be loved, like you would never be someone's priority. And you were so fucking tired of being sad.

Fire burned within your veins, but it wasn't because of shame or hurt. You were angry again. You had deserved better, and you had gotten left in the dust like a piece of trash. And he thought a pretty present could fix things? Could fix you?

As if the iridescent glass sheet could blur the memory of the male's tongue on your neck, the feeling of his fingers touching where they shouldn't, translating the history written on your body into something more pleasant, more beautiful, like a tale of a hero rescuing the dame and whisking her off to safety.

Before you knew what you were doing, you took the dagger Azriel had lent you and turned with a speed and strength you had never aimed at another person, heaving out a noise of frustration and sending the weapon flying toward Azriel's form just inside the doorway.

You saw red. The red of the male's blood in the alleywall, the red of your own blood, the red of Azriel's blood now beading along his bicep, the red of pure unfiltered rage.

"You are a piece of shit, Azriel. A fucking selfish, cruel, shallow bastard. Do you know that?"

Your chest heaved as you tried to control yourself, your fingers already itching for another weapon. It wasn't enough to see you had nicked his skin. You wanted him to fight back, you wanted to hurt him as badly as he had hurt you.

"Is that why you go after damaged females? In an attempt to find something redeemable about yourself? To act like the hero, like some sort of protector?"

He flinched at the words but otherwise remained unmoving. You hated him for it.

"You're no hero. You're a joke."

You watched as the blow landed, and a wave of adrenaline rushed over you. You deserved this. You had been bleeding for months, crawling up the well of your depression until your fingertips were raw and worn, and these attacks against him felt like a hand reaching down from the heavens, like an extra surge of energy to keep yourself going. You didn't want to be the one bleeding, it was someone else's time to bleed for once.

A step toward him, but he didn't move.

"Do you know what the priestesses tell me?"

He blinked, swallowing harshly.

"They say it's not my fault, what happened to me." You shrugged, letting out a bitter chuckle. "I guess they are partially right. Because it's your fault too. And the male's. But I'm not completely blameless here. I mean what in the Cauldron's name was I thinking, putting my trust in you?"

That got him. Eyes squeezed shut suddenly, eyebrows furrowing as if he had actually been stabbed. Good.

"After all," you continued, beginning to pace around the training area, languidly taking small steps as if you were telling your own tale. "How many of those close to you have you let down before? Mor, Rhys, Gwyn, Elain, your mother... I really should have expected to get hurt because of you."

You could see wetness on his cheeks, but you still did not back down. And he did not move from his spot, his hazel eyes not even hardening at the onslaught.

You'd just have to go harder.

"Sometimes in my nightmares, your hands are the ones hurting me in that alley. I can feel your scars as you pin me to the wall, as I'm violated." You let out a humorless laugh. "I think my mind keeps trying to tell me that's all you're good for: inflicting damage."

A drop of blood from his bicep fell to the floor in a perfect circle.

You stopped your pacing, only about fifteen feet in front of him, and dropped your hands to your side. With your head held tall, you looked him directly in his eyes, pausing to memorize the broken look of him.

His chest was hardly rising and falling. He stood completely and utterly still. Hazel eyes on your own, jaw clenched, cheeks wet.

He was a beautifully broken portrait. And you had just torn him to shreds.

Summoning the rest of your courage, you spit out the thought that had been tormenting you, curling its way around your heart until you felt it would be strangled.

A thought, and a promise.

"You may have thought me worthy of being forgotten, but I will make sure you never forget what you have done to me."

Breaking eye contact, you walked past him out of the training ring, refusing to turn back. If you thought you heard a wounded noise travel softly from his lips, you ignored it.

Maybe you were a bad person, maybe deep down you were a sadistic, cruel being, but saying those words finally lifted something from your chest. Air came easier, and some part of you felt vindicated after unleashing yourself, despite the shaking that immediately overcame you in your retreat.

You might have been confused. Your chest might have been swarming with overwhelming, conflicting emotions and adrenaline. You were filled with so much love and hate, so much yearning and anger, but you at least felt like you had a release, the swirling poison in your chest no longer sitting so close to your heart.

Do you think you'll ever forgive him?

It was cathartic. The sharp words, watching them pierce him down to his core, seeing as he cried over what you'd become. And for once, as you let the cool breeze wash over your overworked muscles, you felt tears build in your eyes not from sadness but from relief.

Like a fire burnt out, you dragged your weary body back to the House of Wind, barely making it to your bed before collapsing.

You imagined Azriel standing where you left him, bleeding from where you had slashed him. He hadn't even said a word — he had just let you tear him to pieces.

Was it his own way to punish himself? Was this about him all over again?

Do you think you'll ever forgive him?

Maybe if you knew what was coming in the days following, you would have said yes. Maybe you would have wanted to be around him more, to actually try, instead of pushing him away. Maybe you would have realized that you weren’t just punishing him but yourself as well.

But you didn’t know what was coming. So you pushed the image of his wounded expression, the way he had physically flinched at your words, away from your mind, closed your eyes, and went to sleep.

If you dreamt about his scarred hands scooping you up in that alleyway, bringing you close to his chest and keeping you safe, you'd never admit it.

Right around the corner - Azriel (5)

AHHHHH this is the final part and let me tell you I'm SAD. It was so hard to write the ending you all deserve after all this love, so I tried my best. Let me know what you think! Also, you deserve A LOT, so I made it long hehehe. Don't worry, a request about the RATH universe is coming soon! If you want one too, drop it in my inbox!

(1), (2), (3), (4)

Plot: The story of how Azriel fixed what was broken, and how you forgave him.

Warnings: this is sad, but has a happy ending! Also, mental health issues.

No one expected the sidra to froze that year, and against everyone expectation, one day Velaris had woken up to see the riven covered by a silver layer. Children had missed school to skate in the solid surface, parents watching carefully from the edge. Some couples were skating too, holding hands and giggling endlessly.

You had been watching the new scene unfold all morning. And while you usually loved snow and ice as much as any child in town, you were starting to get a little sick of all the noise.

It wasn’t your new employee situation, who had been staring at the river all morning. She had already finished her duties, but always the polite and nice girl, Elain Archeron was keeping you company.

When you spotted for the third time the familiar red-head through the glass and she didn’t say anything, just sighed, you decided you had enough.

“You should tell him to get in before he freezes to death” you commented, still busy with measuring the ingredients.

“Oh, no” Elain blushed and looked away from the window. “No. He’s just… He can wait”

“He can, but doesn’t have to. You and Lucien should head out, rent ice skates and have a fun day. You already finished here” you smiled kindly at her, and before she could reply, you added. “I’m fine, I don’t even like cold weather. And I still need to finish this, which you can’t help me with. So, go”

Elain stared at you with uncertainty, and you tried to look as convinced as possible. Would you have liked her to stay? After all, she was one of the few people you socialized with these days. She had turned in when you opened the bakery again, right after you posted the sign about looking for a new partner.

And even if you had had your doubts when you discovered she was Feyre’s sister and Azriel’s friend, you considered her your own friend.

So, yeah, you would have liked her to stay. Because you were still awfully sad all the time, and her company was one of the few things that made your day better. But you being sad didn’t excuse her missing a wonderful day with her mate.

“It’s not closing time yet” her eyes danced between the glass and you. “He was supposed to wait for me at the house”

“Guess he’s too eager to see you. He’s been dancing around the bakery for a good hour” you chuckled. “Elain, I mean it. Go. Have fun. I’ll see you on Monday”

“Y/N, I promise I don’t mind waiting. It’s not like it will unfreeze”

“And I promise I don’t mind at all. So, go, have fun and tell me about it on Monday” you gripped her hand softly over the counter, nodding to the waiting mal outside. “Come on, go”

Lucien was once more outside the bakery, the only visible part of him his red hair. He was covered in thick layers, but still managed to smile when Elain kissed your cheek and took her coat on the way out.

You didn’t have it in you to watch them be affectionate with each other, so you looked down at your task and decided it would be the last of the day.

It was hard watching all those couples walking hand in hand and remembering the feel of his warm, scarred hand in yours. To hear a man laughing and remember the unexpected laughs you dragged out of him sometimes. Even looking at the river was painful, because you could almost see the ghost of Azriel and you learning how to skate in a frozen lake in the Illyrian mountains a few years ago.

You had seen Azriel around a few times now, walking through your bakery and waving at you through the glass. Two times he had been waiting at the door when it was late at night, silently walking you home from afar without talking. Almost two months had passed by and your feelings were still as messed up as before.

Though you didn’t cry as much as before, and you were starting to get better, you still wondered.

If Azriel getting help would mean your relationship would be fixed, or if it was broken permanently. Deep in your thoughts, and used as you were to Azriel’s shadows, you didn’t notice how they tugged on your apron until the door sounded again.

Elain’s name didn’t leave your lips, because as soon as the door opened, you lost your breath.  As if you had summoned him, Azriel walked through the door, beautiful as ever. He wasn’t in his usual training leather, but winter clothes that fit him as a glove. Instantly, you noticed he had lost weight. His shoulders were slumped and his body didn’t carry the usual grace of an Illyrian warrior.

“Hi”

His scarred hands, that had held you so many times and slaughtered so many enemies, were tucked in his coat’s pockets. You could feel the nervousness through the bond, the hesitance. Too stunned to answer, you only stared at him.

You had known that, eventually, he would talk to you. That you would have to do more than just wave at each other through the glass and stay silent when he sent you details through Elain. But still, you hadn’t expected it.

Unable to move, you only blinked.

“I saw Elain and Lucien heading out” he added, not looking away from you. “It’s a nice day outside”

Azriel hadn’t finished before one of his new shadows scaped his control, sneaking around the counter. The familiar ones, that had been by your side since he left, danced around the new intrusion. It lifted your apron, and crawled up your neck.

The cool feeling was the last of your worries, because no matter how much you willed yourself to say something, you couldn’t even tear your eyes from him.

The bond flickered between the two of you, once more. Knowing that it was one-sided, that he didn’t wear it like you did, made break your trance.

“She’s finished for the day” you explained, sounding way more confident that what you felt.

“It’s a nice day, yeah” he repeated, not giving you time to feel awkward before he continued “I thought that maybe you wanted to take a walk with me. It’s cold, but we could… get coffee. Or chocolate, if you want”

Azriel gave you a half, broken smile. Hearing his voice again made you take ten steps backward.

“I have things to do”

You looked down to your current task, which could be easily discarded. You had left much important things half-done because of him, and you would have done it normally without a second thoughts. But no matter how heartful the conversation at your door had been, you just knew you weren’t ready to have a conversation without getting angry.

You knew you weren’t ready to forgive him.

His new shadow gripped your wrist tightly before disappearing, and you heard Azriel’s doubt. He wanted to say something else, and you wanted too. Still, you fell back to your measuring and ignored the way your vision blurred, how your knees became weak again.

Maybe going back to your duties was the only way not to break down again.

The silence continued for a long minute. You couldn’t not feel his presence, the way his scent filled the bakery and made your stomach turn. Your heart recognized what you needed, what you wanted, and threatened to jump out of your chest.

Before you could regret your words, Azriel opened the door again.

“You’re forgetting the yeast” he said, his voice thick with emotion.

When you looked up again, he only smiled. You opened your mouth to tell him to wait, maybe to fuck off and never come again. You didn’t have time, because Azriel closed the door behind him and he was gone.

The first tear fell against the unformed dough, followed by many more. You wouldn’t be finishing the blueberry cake that afternoon, you realized, as you crunched behind the counter and cried.

-

There was a storm coming, and everyone in Velaris had had the same idea – run to the market, buy everything they needed for a few days, and crowd themselves at home with their loved ones. You were trying to follow the first part of the plan, not having anyone to go home anymore. And if that wasn’t enough reason to drag you down, the crowd was getting intense.

Velaris’ market was a beautiful place, full of shops and nice vendors. But that day, the space felt too small.

You already had a few bags with you, yet there were a few more to go. Wanting to finish as soon as possible, you had ignored the rational part of your brain and had gotten in the middle of the crowd. You had only managed to buy milk and pasta, and still had a long way to go.

After Azriel’s brief appearance, your life had been messier than before. He had come by the bakery at least five times more, always offering you some kind of plan you rejected. Going to the park, for a flight or to a coffee shop. Taking walks, watching the sunset or training together.

You lived now half-prepared to see him walking through your door again, and not having the heart to tell him no. You weren’t sure if that thought frightened or comforted you.

In your haste, you had almost forgotten to buy provisions for the storm, and had found yourself on the worst day to do them. Crowded, loud and suffocating, that was how you would describe the market at that moment.

The fact that most people ran with their children and family wasn’t helpful at all.

Most of the times, it was Azriel who did the last-minute shopping for you. He knew you didn’t like crowds, loud places, that you did best in your bakery where only five people were allowed at a time.

Another shove broke you down from your daydreaming, and you looked back to see a pregnant woman staring with her eyebrows furrowed.

“The line is moving” she spatted, pointing to the small space ahead of you. “If you don’t move with it, you should step out”

“Oh, no” you chuckled softly. You picked up the bags on the ground and took the two small steps that you were supposed to. “Sorry, I just thought I could take a little bit more space. It’s crowded here”

“I don’t mind crowds, so if you want to step back, let me get first. I’m in a hurry”

“Me too” you gave her a polite smile, mindful of her state.

The short distance that separated you from the customer on the front was certainly not enough, and she knew it. Still, she looked at you with disapproval. There were only five more people to go until it was your turn, you could buy your snacks and run to the next stall.

You thought you could ignore the glare at the back of your neck, and you did for a few minutes. Without meaning to, you thought how everything with Azriel was easier. Not only people wouldn’t dare to talk to him like that, but also, he assured you a good meter of distance between you two and the rest of the world with his wings.

The snacks on your hands almost fell when, not even two seconds after the man took three steps forward, you were shoved again.

That time, when you looked back, the woman was accompanied by her mate. His wings covered her from the people behind them.

“You should really step out of the line” she repeated. “You might have all the time in the word, but we are in a hurry”

“Me too. You can’t expect me to be glued to that man” you tried to explain, anxiety coiling in your stomach. “He just moved”

“And you didn’t, which proves my point. Besides, it’s obvious you only have a few things. We have more”

“Which should be enough reason to let me go first, not only because I was here before you” you shrugged, feeling even more uncomfortable when the male huffed a laugh. “Maybe it’s you who shouldn’t have come here today if you can’t wait in a line”

You weren’t a threat for the woman, and you were trying really hard to be polite and prove your point. Besides, being pregnant wasn’t an easy task, and you could tell she was far along. Maybe you should have let her pass, or maybe told her to fuck off.

But before you could argue further, something clicked in the male’s eyes, wide with recognition.

And you would have preferred for him to go full berserk mode on you. Because you recognized that look, you had been receiving them for a while now.

The male elbowed the woman’s side softly, pointing with his chin towards you. You didn’t have time to turn back and avoid the conversation, because he spoke.

“You’re the shadowsinger’s mate” he announced, loud enough to make a few heads turn.

“Oh” the woman finally connected the dots and lunged forward to grab your arm so tight you couldn’t shake her off. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry, I didn’t recognize you”

“It’s fine. Don’t worry” you pushed your arm back, trying to let go.

While the woman apologized, you couldn’t help but listen to the whispers. The same ones you had heard in your bakery and through the streets. Some of them thrown in your face by rude or nosy customers that didn’t understand the concept of privacy, others by bystanders.

At the end, it was the woman who said it out loud, confirming what everyone in the small circle that had formed at the cue was wondering about. She finally let go of your arm and crossed hers in front of her body.

The look of pity wasn’t as bad as the confirmation.

“He rejected you, right?” it wasn’t a question, not when you didn’t answer and she continued. “We heard you’ve been mated for almost a century and he doesn’t want the bond. Is that true?”

It wasn’t true, but you didn’t have the heart to correct her. Instead, you turned around and used your wing-less privileges to sneak through the crowd. You kept your head down, as if that could stop you from hearing the comments or feeling the stares.

People had come up with an alternative version where Azriel and you had been mated for decades, for centuries. Where you had cheated on him or he had changed you for someone else. You had even heard that he had bonded with another person and had kicked you out of the house, and that you had been the one rejecting the bond.

Each version was farthest from the truth than the last one, but they all hurt the same. The crowd didn’t seem to get thinner no matter how deep you got in the market. Once the people who had heard the conversation were left behind, new people crowded you, worried about the girl panicking and running through the middle of the market.

There were a few occasions where you thought you would fall, where you tripped and almost embarrassed yourself farther. You had almost made it to the back entrance of the market when you finally realized you were tripping no more. There was no longer a crowd around you, nor whispers or hands reaching your way.

It took you another few steps to fully stop and assess the situation. When you looked back to see where the crowd was, you were met with a broad chest inches away from you. Through tearful eyes, you recognized Azriel’s wings tucking you away from people, his mere presence pushing them away.

You met his hazel eyes, full of worry and regret. His hair was longer, covering his brow, but you found comfort in his crooked nose, in his freckles, that you knew so well.

You noticed in his hands your bags that had been left in the stall, a new one with the snacks you were about to buy.

“What – what are you doing here?” you choked out, too grateful for the sudden moment of peace to wonder about anything else.

“I felt you through the bond, a few hours ago. Anxious and…” he stopped himself, his eyes scanning every tear that marked your cheeks. “I was just getting here when it got worse. I heard most of it. I’m –”

“Don’t say you’re sorry” you interrupted him. “It’s not your fault”

Out of the many things that were indeed his fault, people not minding their own business wasn’t his. You were used to him blaming himself for everything, from wars in other courts to people fighting in the street. The response came naturally.

Your nose was cold and runny, your hands frozen in your pockets, and your feet hurt. Besides all of that, you felt all wrong. Because you enjoyed his presence, because what they said, and because you couldn’t help but calm down when he was close.

Azriel didn’t say anything when you took the bags from his hands, thanking him quietly. He didn’t say anything as more people walked away from him, either because of his wings or because they recognized him.

“You don’t like last minute shopping”

It was a pointless observation, but it was better than to comment on how afraid he had been when, just outside the market, he felt the bond snap with urgence. His shadows knew where you were, and that you needed him, but even he had trouble running through crowds. Azriel also couldn’t talk about how mad he had been at everyone in that stall, how his new shadows had turned off every light and almost chocked them to death.

Azriel wanted to say that you were probably cold because you didn’t like your own coats, and most of the times wore one of his. He wanted to hug you, too, to feel you between his arms after what felt like an eternity and promise you that it would end well.

But he couldn’t say anything more than the obvious.

“I had to” you answered.

With a furious fist, frustrated at life, at him and at you, you brushed the tears off your cheeks. You could tell that he wanted to keep talking, and you did too. Since your last encounter, you had come up with more conversations you should have.

You stared at each other for what seemed forever. There were details that you had almost forgotten in your sorrow – like his long lashes, that you teased him about. Or the freckle that snuck up to the corner of his left eye. The way his mouth rose higher from the right, and the small scar on his ear from where Cassian dared him to wear an earring.

Only his face was enchanting enough to help you forget about the day, about the weight of your chest. It was the first closing call from the market, that sounded through the public speakers, that broke you away.

“I should go”

“I should go”

You talked at the same time, and you smiled softly when you pointed to different directions. You didn’t miss how his eyes fell to your mouth, how his own lifted up too.

“I could walk you back” he offered, not tearing his eyes away from your mouth. “If you let me”

You didn’t answer immediately. Those last words, that he had repeated so often lately, almost had you saying yes. You could almost imagine how it would go – him walking by your side, one of his wings behind your back. His elbow brushing yours, and his gaze fixed on you.

Your smile dropped when you remembered the times you had walked just like that, tucked together. The times you had waked by yourself through Velaris with his imprint on you, and the times he had left without a trace of your presence.

Azriel knew the answer before you said it, and his shoulders dropped slightly.

“Sorry”

That time, you decided to turn away before he could. Taking the back exit was a poor choice, knowing it was farther from your house than the main one, but you couldn’t picture yourself walking through the market without Azriel keeping the crowds a step away.

So you turned around, gripped your bags tight and didn’t tear your eyes from the ground during the whole way back.

-

It wasn’t Azriel who found you the time everything changed, but you.

The cold and winter were over, the streets were clean and the sun was out. It was a perfect day to spend outside, and Elain seemed fixed in throwing you out of your own shop. She claimed that the bags under your eyes were as dark as the night, and that your skin was so pale that she couldn’t tell the flour stains apart from it.

“Just for the record, you’re kicking the owner of the bakery out of the bakery” you stated, looking at her once more from the door. “You do realize that shouldn’t happen, right?”

“I’m helping a friend come out of her ghost-like season” she replied, still decorating muffins. “And you do realize that most shops close on Sunday’s, right?”

“Certainly not a bakery” you looked to the empty fountain at her right. “If we do it together, we will – “

“If you touch one single item of this bakery, I’m banning you from the kitchen for a month”

You doubted she meant it, she could. But still, you sighed and turned around to open the door. You weren’t an extrovert, certainly not an outsider. Since you were a child, you liked your kitchen, your house, and your space. And none of those things were outside the door.

But you actually feared what the fae you left behind would do if you turned back. Elain had already hidden your apron so you couldn’t put it on, and had threatened to mismatch the soy milk with normal one.

Giving her a last, tight smile through the glass, you walked towards the center of Velaris.

Not many people were outside that soon on a Sunday morning, but you were glad for her insistence the moment the sun kissed your face. The cold weather was disappearing and you could feel warmth across your cheeks. It was still cold, and it would be for at least another week, but the change in the weather promised a happy spring.

You walked aimlessly around Velaris, stopping to watch the Sidra move every now and then. Your feet carried you through unfamiliar streets, all of them filled with colors and smells. The longer you walked, the healthier you felt. Each step felt like a weight lifted from your chest, and you even smiled to a few usuals you found in the streets.

The main square peeked through the streets. It wasn’t your usual destination, too crowded and not as pretty as other parts of the town. But you still walked through it, feeling at ease and happy.

It had happened before, usually the days before you started your cycle, and you should have known the feeling of ease had nothing to do with the weather or the walk. It had happened and it happened again, just as you rounded a corner to walk in the square.

If, by any chance, Azriel hadn’t noticed you coming, the shadows that tugged him away from where he was standing would have made it obvious.

His eyes widened when he saw you, and you felt that peaceful feeling making its home for the day. There was no sorrow, no sadness, and none of the usual feelings that lately you felt when it came to him.

You cursed yourself stupid when you realized that you cycle was coming, and that every year you were in a mood until Azriel showed up, your hormones demanding your mate.

“Y/N”

Your name fell from your mouth and just by hearing it you noticed something different. It was new, and at the same time, you thought you recognized it somehow. You looked to his empty hands, to the syphons on his shoulders and chest and truth-teller on his side.

It looked like you had interrupted something important to him. But instead of running away from him like the last two times, you took a step closer.

“Are you going on a mission?” you pointed with your chin to his leather, eyes stopping at his chest. There was that thing, that you couldn’t name.

“Just came back. I was…”

Azriel looked to the building he just exited and for a moment, in silence. You had met a bunch of times since the incident in the market, and you had started having longer conversations. About the weather, about your bakery, and even about his family, who you finally knew officially.

Certainly, your relationship had improved, although it wasn’t just fixed yet. When he didn’t answer, you were reminded of all the times he had kept things to himself, either out of fear or doubt.

He seemed to doubt between telling you and keeping it to himself. Any other time, you knew, he would have kept it to himself. He had done it, in the past – when you asked him about his job, or tried to understand his past. Many times where he had evaded the truth or his emotions.

Your mood, that had been in a rush since you left the bakery, fell a little at his silence. He looked torn and you were ready to leave, before he answered.

“This is Madja’s house. I meet her here so we can talk, usually during the week” he looked back at you, watching the surprise of his statement. “But something happened and I needed to talk to her”

“What happened?”

Azriel’s lips were pressed tight, debating on whether he should tell you or not. He wouldn’t have doubted about it a year ago – he wouldn’t tell you, because in his eyes, it would only hurt you more than he already had. But he had learnt new things, and had realized that a relationship was built on trust. And that his fears, his perception of the reality, had broken yours.

He had cut the mission short when he had noticed, though he wasn’t sure he had ever done something like that. Azriel didn’t know what had triggered it, why it happened in the Winter court and not anytime sooner.

Madja, of course, had had an answer ready – an answer that had left him staring at her door for long twenty minutes before you appeared.

“Kallias should have sent something to Rhysand, but he didn’t” he started, not sure why he was traveling so far from the event. “So I went to check. Turns out someone must have taken it and, well, I tried to…”

He trailed off before he could finish, aware of your confusion. You never talked about what he did for Rhysand, in any court. No matter how big or small was the assignment, he didn’t tell you about it.

But that wasn’t what your confusion was about, at least not all of it. You couldn’t possibly notice because you had given it for granted since the beginning, but Azriel did notice. He noticed the change as soon as it happened, and babbled when he explained to Rhysand what he should have been feeling for years.

Had explained to Madja moments ago, who had given him a knowing smile and a proud nod.

“I accepted the bond” he confessed, continuing before you could say anything else. “I don’t know how, or why, but I was there and suddenly I was hit with – with this in my chest, and I don’t know why it wouldn’t happen sooner”

“You accepted the bond” you repeated, looking between his chest and face.

“I don’t know how, or why now. I was, thinking… And it hit me” Azriel smiled sadly, not saying what his thoughts were about – what they had been about since that night. “I didn’t want to tell you, because, this is, you don’t have to do anything now. Me accepting the bond doesn’t change what I did”

Azriel hadn’t meant to tell you, neither to be so vague and ridiculously nervous about it.

It had been a surprise when, in the middle of a conversation, he felt it. He had been thinking about you, because there were flowers and they were pretty against the cold weather, and to him, you were the prettiest thing the Cauldron had made. One moment Kallias had been going through the last movements of the package and the next the high lord was looking at him with raised brows.

Congratulating him for something that should have happened six years ago.

“It’s not that I didn’t want the bond before, Y/N” he continued when you didn’t say anything. “I promise you, I didn’t know how to accept it. I didn’t know that I deserved it”

Azriel had thought, and he still wanted to, that you so pretty that you were meant for someone else. That it was borrowed time, that he didn’t deserve the bond just as he didn’t deserve you. With Madja and Rhys, they had had deep conversations about his mental health, about his version of life where he lived through a glass of pain and rejection.

As he stared at your surprised form, he tried not to let hope leak into his heart. He knew it didn’t fix what was broken, but he hoped it was the first step of a long recovery to win you back.

Only if you could confirm or deny, instead of stare at him.

“Say something” Azriel finally broke, almost begged. “Whatever you want. Just say something”

And you wanted to, because wasn’t that what you had wanted? You had fooled yourself lately thinking about may what ifs. What if he had accepted the bond in the bagging, what if he had told you that he wasn’t fine, that he was broken and needed help.

What if you had helped him and not rushed things when he wasn’t ready. Now, it felt like the Cauldron was giving you that opportunity, only that you didn’t know how to react.

You finally looked away from him and decided to give an experimental tug on the bond, to see if anything had changed.

It had.

“Az”

It was a chuckle, maybe the beginning of a cry. It was anger but also relief because what came back from that tug wasn’t what you usually felt. It was stronger, solid, as if there was a physical string between your bodies that kept you linked.

Usually, it was just an intense feeling that was enough for you. But now that you felt him tugging back, felt him loving you, you couldn’t hold back another laugh. He shoved down through it everything he felt – adoration, love, joy. Many fears that had you stumbling towards him, and pain.

So much pain that your smile dropped. His dropped too, and you felt the bond getting fainter.

“That’s another reason. I didn’t want you to feel… that” Azriel retreated the bond farther. “I have so many fears and pains here that I couldn’t even imagine sharing them with you. And that – “

“You don’t have to feel ashamed” you cut him off, your voice hoarse. “I love you the same”

Words were unnecessary when you hugged his middle and buried yourself in his chest. He curled around you, like he had done so many times.

The channel snapped open again, and you just closed your eyes tightly. It was an endless source of emotions, and it broke you that most of them were bad. There was rejection, from so many people that it felt like an angry, black bull coming your way. Sadness that felt overwhelming and never ending, always coming in waves when Azriel didn’t expect it.

You also felt disgust, and you only held him tighter when you discovered it was self-disgust. Not only at the things that he had done, but also at what had been done to him. The scars on his hands, the shadows around him. He had hated himself for so long he had forgotten how to love.

But then, at the bottom, there was something bright, and that part you realized it was only dedicated to you. There was his family too, but it wasn’t as intense as his love for you. Everything that he lacked during his life, that he yearned for, was tucked where it mattered the most.

“I love you” he whispered against your head, softly. “I love you”

You didn’t answer, just raised your head until you could brush your lips against him. Later, you would have time to blame the cycle, which you wouldn’t get for another two months, or the emotions of the moment. But you knew it was just what you needed, what you both deserved, when you felt him kissing back.

At the beginning, it was just his lips against yours, and it was enough. Your noses brushed each other, you got on your tiptoes and his wing cocooned both of you. His hands only pressed you tighter against his body when you moved your lips against his, brushing the edge of your tongue against his bottom one.

Azriel could barely keep himself straight when you silently asked for permission to open his mouth, which he happily obliged.  

From that moment, it was crashing. The kiss was only a physical proof of your feelings traveling through the mated bond, so wild and intense you couldn’t tell which one was his or yours.

“I’m sorry, darling” he whispered against your lips, giving you no time to reply. “I’m sorry for hurting you, for being a coward. I’m sorry”

“I forgive you. We don’t keep secrets anymore” you managed to say between kisses.

“Never” Azriel answered while leaving kisses on your cheeks and nose.”

“And we’ll talk about our emotions, and feelings. You’ll tell me about your life when I ask”

“Always”

“You won’t close off to me” you pulled his head away and made him look at you.

While you held his face between your hands, Azriel smiled. It was a different smile from the previous ones, from the ones you had seen so far. It was carefree, loving, and yours.

Your thumb brushed the corner of his eye, his upper cheek, the border of his nose.

“I’m here, Azriel. Always. So you don’t have to hide anything from me, or to be ashamed or afraid. I’m here” you closed the distance once more, controlling the kiss by holding onto his face. “Right around the corner”

“Right around the corner” he repeated, dipping his head and sealing all his promises with another kiss.

Want to read more? Check out my side blog @imaginesmaimasterlists, where I keep all the masterlists! Feedback is always appreciated

Right around the corner taglist:

@lesliemurillo @impossibelle @polli05927 @florencemtrash @going-through-shit @minakay @setayeshmohseni @torchbearerkyle @esposadomd @amysangel @kennedy-brooke @originalcrusadetrash @luvmoo @historygeekqueen @marriedtolike18fictionalmen @wallacewillow0773638 @tothestarsandwhateverend @kristalhi @knmendiola @nikt-wazny-y @dream-alittlebiggerdarling @wallacewillow0773638 @clara-geekhime @kalulakunundrum @saltedcoffeescotch @originalcrusadetrash @mel-wcst @ailyr92 @bubybubsters @chickensrock3 @tothestarsandwhateverend @topaz125 @wallacewillow0773638 @just-m-2 @theravenphoenix26 @glitterypirateduck @a-frog-with-a-laptop @justdreamstars

do you believe me now? ~series masterlist

in which spencer reid and inexperienced fem!reader navigate all of her firsts

this series is 18+. mdni

please see warnings to each individual part!

part one

part two

part three

part 3.5 (bonus chapter)

part four

part five

part 5.5 (bonus chapter)

part six

part seven

there is no tag list for this series

Suffering

KRIS was suffering.

It was controlling them. It made their decisions. They couldn't escape It. It was always there. Even when they were in control.

SUSIE knew KRIS was suffering.

Kris acted weirdly. They were clearly depressed. And they never wore short sleeves.

They would go into this trance like state sometimes and then just flash out of it, looking panicked. Only during important events, for some reason...

And they always seemed so tired. Like they spent the entire night awake.

SUSIE didn't like their suffering.

Susie was always confused when Kris would go into that state.

And concerned when Kris flinched or winced whenever anybody touched their arm.

And upset when she had to explain to Toriel that the reason her kid was passed out in her arms was unknown to her, even if she had theories.

SUSIE wanted to help KRIS.

Susie would comfort Kris when they got out of the trance. It became their routine. Kris went into a trance, got panicked when they got out. Susie put her hand on their shoulder and would reassure them that they didn't do something bad. Kris would invite Susie to their house in thanks. Though it was confusing when they would invite her even when they didn't have a trance...

Susie never pushed about their arms. It didn't seem fair. Not when she would be a hypocrite. But she did try to cheer Kris up everyday. And sometimes it worked!

Whenever they had sleepovers, Susie always made Kris sleep. She said she needed to hug something to sleep. Kris bought it. They cuddled and they both ended up sleeping. And she would carry them home whenever they passed out in school.

But SUSIE was suffering too.

SUSIE was suffering.

Her parents never got any nicer. She ached constantly. And they never bought food for her. Her brother had already run away because of it, but they never learned their lesson.

KRIS knew SUSIE was suffering.

Kris knew something was up with Susie's home life.

She was always hurt. She claimed that it was from a fight, but nobody in the town was brave enough to fight Susie and hurt her. And she flinched whenever anybody raised their arms around her.

Susie always scratched at her arms when she was anxious. Even Kris could recognize that was unhealthy, even if they had similar tendencies.

Susie was also always hungry. Not a healthy amount of hunger. No normal hunger would drive you to eat the things she did. It was like she was never fed.

KRIS didn't like their suffering.

Kris would frown whenever Susie would come to school with a limp, or a split lip, or a black eye.

The frown deepened when they saw her eat chalk out of desperation.

Even deeper when the scratching would draw blood.

KRIS wanted to help SUSIE.

Kris always invited Susie over to their house. It was better for their mom to embarrass them in front of their friend than for Susie to be hurt.

Kris would always share their lunch with Susie. And eat the things she did to make Susie feel less out of place. And give her the bigger slice when they made pie with Toriel.

Kris always distracted Susie when the scratching got bad. Pulling her into a conversation. Giving her something to do with her hands. Challenging her to a thumb war.

But KRIS was suffering too.

it's been about two weeks since i read this. and i still. have. no. words. i discussed with a few people about to see if i was going crazy over such a topic but THIS IS SO WRONG LIKE SO SO WRONG and what the fuck i love it i mean it's a fav even with all the agony and pain and angst and. ugh. well written, it's such a different plot you don't want to stop reading, it's addicting. BUT heavy. i do NOT reccomend this fic for everyone, really, pay attention to the warnings and, if you have NO problem with ethics, then go for it!

also, to the writer, congrats, truly. you deserve A LOT for writing this cause it takes a lot of courage and effort. thank you so so much for posting this masterpiece!

JAMAIS VU | JJK (one-shot)

➭ Sooyoung and Jungkook just got married when a terrible car accident happened, leading Sooyoung to her death and Jungkook to a visionless world. This incident forced the Jeons to ask you, a caregiver who sounded like Sooyoung, to pretend like you were Jungkook’s late wife in order to convince him to push through his eye surgery.

Would you do it?

alternatively,

“I’m falling for your eyes, but they don’t know me yet.”

Pairing: rich husband!jungkook x caregiver!reader

Genre: fluff, angst, smut, hurt/comfort, slight married au, (pretend wife) slight strangers to lovers (it’s really complicated.)

Word Count: 34.6k (ONE SHOT)

Warnings: car accident, resulting to severe injuries and death, cursing, blood, JK is in coma for weeks, GUYS LISTEN: JK will be in a car accident and the consequences are INACCURATE. He’s only alive because of a ‘miracle.’ Seriously, the motif of this fic is INACCURACY lmao, discussion of eye surgery, identity theft, FRAUD!!!! OC takes advantage of JK’s disability, FRAUD, FRAUD, and did I mention fraud already? dubious consent (this is unclear but i’ll still add it to be safe) JK cums in his pants, kissing, oral sex (f.receiving) tricked into having sex??? (y’all JK thought OC is his wife) handjob, thigh riding, multiple orgasms, physical violence, stalking, death threats, trauma, JK is seventeen when he got into a relationship with 25 y/o Sooyoung, so you know, grooming! suicidal thoughts, power tripping, mention of smoking (pot) slut shaming, human trafficking, abandoning of a newborn baby, foreplay in public (swimming pool) unprotected sex, hate fucking??? rough sex??? squirting, impregnation kink, OC and JK banged against the piano. ah. JK is a pianist but i don’t know anything about this organ (IM SORRY)

dictionary: sajangnim - boss | male: hyung - older brother | noona - older sister | jagiya: darling/baby/honey

Click here for the spotify playlist of this fic. (PLEASE.)

Jeon Jungkook was barely eighteen when he married Sooyoung—the girl who he claimed was the love of his life.

He was so into her that he didn’t even bat an eyelash when his parents threatened to cut him out of the will.

Keep reading

at first i thought blood bounty was about a poly relationship!!!! could you imagine that???

anywAYS!!!! i think this is my first reading of yours and i'm absolutely baffled. i'm really in awe, just appreciating every paragraph, the storyline, the boldness of yours and everything else. how could you make this to my tae??? :( for a moment i despised him, i'm sad about it.

as a non-english native reader, i had to reread some lines due to my (kind of) limited vocabulary since your writing, here, is somehow according to the century the characters lived, and for that i congrat you! it's probably one of the only fics i've read that uses it neat and still don't lack the action, or exaggerates anything. i loved it!

i have so much to say about the universe! i've never read a non-cliché vampire universe so well structured, although there are still some things i didn't know along the story, you explained greatly after. the characters developments were also so endearing i couldn't stop! the way the oc remembers her past from little moments made me suffer with her, since you didn't say much at first. it's such a great way of showing someone's pov without letting the 3rd person's narrative erase the focus. there are some details here and there that tie up perfectly at the end, and this is also very hard so it's needed to say you did it amazing!

thank you so much for writing this, i enjoyed a lot and hope you write more. also, i'm curious about hoseok's person and i'd really love to read more about it! if you do, please tag me!

Blood Bounty Masterlist

Summary: He’s taken everything from you, your blood, your memories, your life, and after months spent as Taehyung’s own personal feast, you eagerly take your chance to flee. Unfortunately your escape doesn’t go as well as you had hoped, as you are soon caught by another blood thirsty beast. The vampire Yoongi claims to know you, and that he wishes to return you home. But when you can only remember the pain caused by his kind, you find it difficult to trust him, since he too could just be another monster waiting to feed.

Part 1 

Part 2 

Part 3 (Finale) 

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Additional Information on Vampire Hierarchy

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All asks and other related posts can be found under the tag #bts blood bounty

I let this fic settle for some days because it's strong. MCD is always a hard path in a fanfic, but the angst it comes with is just so good when you know how to do it. And yes, you did it so good!!

I love that the characters respect each other's time from grief, and respect Yoongi's memory so deeply not just because they were close people, but because they were wise enough not to overstep and move on properly, by their own way.

For the first time in my life I could read and truly feel what that emotion is. I don't have a lot of sensibility and I'm used to see death in a different way, but the pov you put here is amazing, handling it with care and still facing the truth.

And their love is so mature, so intense, so everything. I'm in awe by the way they discover each other in a completely different way, and yet so singular, with that smooth reminiscing from the past. I also like the way you make it clear that Jeon is very different from Yoongi, leaving no space for anyone to think he's a filler in oc's life.

Thank you so much for writing! 💜

Pairing -> Officer!Reader x BadBoy!Jungkook (ft. Reader x Yoongi)

Genre -> Angst | Smut | Fluff

Rating -> Mature (18+)

Word Count -> 14.5k

Playlist -> Looks Red, Tastes Blue

Warnings -> Major Character Death | Grief | Poor Coping Mechanisms | Mentions of Alcohol Abuse | Mentions of Smoking (tobacco) | Unrequited Love | Emotional Constipation | Explicit Sexual Content | Unprotected Sex (stay safe losers) | Oral (m/f receiving) | Dom/Sub Themes | Dirty Talk | Praise Kink | Sir Kink | He Spit in Ur Mouth | Brief Sex with Jimin | Should I Even Bother Putting Cursing?

Summary -> You meet an old friend under uncomfortable circumstances, he brings with him memories you’ve tried to forget for years. Your past becomes your future before you can catch your breath. 

Excerpt -> “But where the paradox lies is, if you stop thinking, the smile you hold when you’re with him is the simplest thing you’ve ever done.”

—————

“We have a 10-51 at The Red Eye on Main.” Your radio suddenly booms in your otherwise quiet vehicle, snapping you out of your trance-like state caused by watching a mostly empty intersection run through light cycles for the better part of an hour.

“10-4, I’m 76.” You answered, pausing briefly to assess your location in relation to the hole-in-the-wall bar. “10-77, three minutes.” You finish, setting down your mic and flipping your lights on.

Continuar lendo

IM SO DONE WITH YHIS OKAY

DONE

this was so sad I don't recommend it at all because all I did was crying and when I was happy I got that RIPPED OUT OF ME (ofc I recommend im being dramatic who knows/

but yeah. it hurts. it hurts so good and taehyung is definitely,,,,,,,,ugh yeah I'd say "not him" but this is so a boy attitude that maybe, maybe this reminded me so much the hyyh era tae because he truly acts like an adolescent here. yeah. I pictured this. it hurts. not comfort, not a happy ending and oh god the angst is so good!!!!!!!! TYSM for writing the tears out of me, i loved that masochist stuff and all

ps: I'd totally make the blind one and forgive him so i do NOT relate to yns behavior here yet I'd do it with like 17 and not 21 as I am right now so I'm sorry for not being mature around a beautiful man

right amount of wrongs | kth (m)

Summary: “Your heartbeat stopped. Then accelerated. Pain shot through the organ like an arrow. And then everything repeated.”

How many times does he have to do you wrong until you make the right decision?

pairing: Taehyung x female reader (+ slight Hoseok x female reader)

rating: 18+

genre: high school!au (everyone’s of age tho! senior year <3), best friends to lovers; angst, fluff, smut

warnings: taehyung is… questionable in this :] mention of disney movies (you decide which ones lol), unrequited love, heartbreak, jealousy, manipulation, crying, rejection, toxic friendship later on, oc throws up (no detailed description), (hints of a) panic attack; explicit sexual content: loss of virginity (oc), soft dom!tae, sub!reader soft manhandling, he’s really gentle with her but ughhh he’s such an ass too, big dick!tae, protected sex, multiple orgasms, handjob, fingering, oral (f. receiving), marking, praising, breast play, clit pinching (??), yeah that should be all

word count: 15.9k

a/n: i actually decided to write this randomly to let out some frustration since it’s a pretty personal fic :’) i hope you guys enjoy reading it! <3

credits: my lovely betas​​​ @hantaev​​​​​​ & @chateautae​​​​​​ thank you so so much for helping me with this !! <3 @missgeniality​​​ thank you for lending me your beautiful name hehe :D and last but not least, thank you to @kimtaehyunq​​​​​ who made this AMAZING AND FLAWLESS banner, gave me a really helpful suggestion for this fic and read through it before i posted it, tyyy !! <3

➳ listen to: 17 by Pink Sweat$ | Never not by Lauv | Give me love & Kiss me by Ed Sheeran | I’m not the only one by Sam Smith

MASTERLIST | WIPs

Kim Taehyung.

High school student, approaching the end of senior year at the tender age of nineteen.

Horrible at math. Adored dancing more than anything. Insecure at times but loved to rap in his free time to entertain his closest friends. Always studied just a bit, putting minimal efforts into all subjects despite having failed a class once already. Now, he still hadn’t changed but passed anyway.

Kim Taehyung. Relied on you too much, cherished and admired you endlessly - he’d more or less been your best friend for years and years, both of you being the type of close pals who people thought might cross the line one day, at some point for sure.

Continuar lendo

I'm not the greatest fan of pregnancy plot, and i should start by saying that, despite it, this reading got me absolutely caught up, from the start, and I just couldn't stop. I laughed and cried and screamed so desperate for these FOOLS that my roommates won't ever forget what a fanfic is lol.

Your angst is terribly wonderful, and i will never have such a great drama like this in my life, so this emotions are certainly welcome, even if only for a character. You write so effortlessly about being lovesick (and that reminds my one and only true heartbreak, how I threw up remembering his face is so vivid) that the feeling starts to grow in my guts, as it is with me, in reality.

Thank you so much for writing! I loved it 💖

songs about you: rhapsody | kth (m)

Summary: “The feeling of him never got old - and right in this moment, it felt newer than ever before.”

Both of your touches used to fit your little agreement to fulfill your desires whenever you needed it - when had exactly these touches started to become a quiet whisper in the back of your mind that had you yearn for so much more than just careless nights?

pairing: CEO!Taehyung x female reader

rating: 18+

genre: fwb, childhood friends to lovers, somewhat idiots to lovers; fluff, angst, smut

warnings: some talk about anxiety (about the future and jobs), swearing, explicit sexual content, taehyung is a soft dom, oral (f. & m. receiving), handjob, fingering, multiple (2) sex scenes, rough sex, soft sex, unprotected sex (reader on the pill, wbk), breast play, marking/biting (cuz it’s me), praising (again, cuz it’s me), ass grabbing, making out, aftercare <3, the ending hurt me so good…, tae & yn being literal idiots, appearance of a mcdonald’s *gasp* and kai from exo!

word count: 13k

a/n: this fic is going to hurt. it. is. going. to. hurt. and i am so sorry. i hope you enjoy it tho and if you do, please let me know!!! thank you so so much for this opportunity @joheunsaram, Sons of Midas owns my soul!! also, pls enjoy this AMAZINGGGG banner by my love @taemaknae ILYSM!!!

further mentions: thank you to my betas @illneverrecover, @voiceswithoutlips & @hantaev! to @ddaechwita & @btsmosphere for lending me their names!! and to @kithtaehyung for reading over this when i felt HELLA insecure!! you all have my heart forever!! and now i won’t talk much more, enjoy reading! 💕

[!] NOTE: this is a twoshot! the second part will be posted in two weeks, on the 5th of june, so stay tuned!

send me an ask or dm to be added on the tag list!

MASTERLIST | WIPs

➳ next

For a mighty, powerful businessman, Taehyung surely was weak.

The expensive suits and various ties that adorned his lean body never failed to intimidate the strongest of personalities, and his confident stroll through his building made every woman weak in her knees.

And yet, he faltered every time he laid his dark eyes on you. As soon as he’d strip out of his luxurious clothing, with your body underneath him, not a single trace of the grand, famous Kim Taehyung remained. He would merely be the man who’d whimper at the slightest feeling of you.

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i love how things turn out when u draw them on paper🤧🤧