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Xaden and Violet arguement

Angst

Summary: one of the arguments between Xaden & Violet of him trying to keep here safe ( for example her sneaking off to teceruss to get the luminary.)

From violets POV:

‘Why can you not just stay here so your safe from all harms way?’ Xaden raises his voice a tiny bit,with annoyance ringing in his tone, ‘just like everyone else’s here for dunne‘s sake!'

How could he say that when he puts himself in danger all the time? That’s an unfair question to ask of me and especially from how far I’ve come.

'How is it different from you going out there each day or for Maleks sake for a nearly full week while I wait crossing me fingers at the morning formation begging,pleading for your name to not come up,’ or Mira’s but this conversation is about us,about him being a too stubborn arsehole to let me actually do any real help other than staying behind these walls and reading, I let down my shield for him to hear it all down our bonds hopefully to see how unfair this is and how he is being a prick. ‘Reciting the same 3 words in my head like my own mantra,mourning the loss of seeing ur chest raise each morning in bed to see ach breath contains a heart beat.'

I tell him with my voice breaking into a graspy hollow sound, to tell him how unfair it is to see him in dangers and not by side me with his heartbeating my own motivational of life, to tell him it breaks micro scabs of my heart to watch him go gradually leaving me with a hollow wound nothing can fill but his gaze back on me,my hands on him in a tight grip of comfort as I hold him in bed to make sure he won’t leave me once again in the mourning to see the awful view of his side,his side clear as air will let it with the weight thundering on me for him for 2 different but interlinked reasons. For him leaving me and leaving me.

‘You cannot expect me to simply let you into harms way never mind lead you into it.’

‘What because my life is intertwined to yours and you can’t trust me to defend my own or your life!’ … that wasn’t at all fair to say to him of course he trusts me,… I think, but I need to do some thing more useful out of here actually save and protect lives- like his.

‘That is not the truth and you know it Violet. Of course I trust you with my life as you said just a couple of months ago,the only thing you could trust me with was yours, then let me keep that trust and defend your life!’ He says desperation leaning into his eyes with a flicker of gold sway in to the storm of arguements and emotions he’s building. For once please don’t build those damn walls.

‘Yes of course u know that it was an error to accuse you of that but you treat me like less of all the survivors of Resson like I wasn’t one,like I wasn’t the one that killed one,you are sending all of them out there but me for Dunne crying out loud I wish you treated me as careless like at Gauntele-'

‘For fucks sake you weren’t mine then and certainly you then you weren’t nearly not gong to be a survivor for 3 fucking miserable days! Why won’t I let u risk your life every grateful day that u did become a survivor and one of us,on our side is because I can’t risk u because very clearly have I put it that I can’t risk the one thing that keeps me alive not literally my life through our bond but the life you push me to proceed with your heart crashing around doing malek knows what risking you life out there,everywhere u go that ISN’T behind these walls,’ he empathises on each words trying to let me understand his heartbreaking confession of the greed of my security of being protected behind and beyond these ward less walls that u have not succeeded once.

‘You cannot simply ask me to not risk my life with you doing so it is insultingly unfa-' I fail at my arguement with the little one I have..or had

‘Why won’t you let me keep you safe, Violet?Why don’t you just let me keep you safe?’ He pleads in shout that I bet everyone can hear from behind the doors of the sparring room, ‘For once, one time! ’ he contorts to plead with a punishable look of desperation flooding his eyes a storm to let me understand how unfair this is on him.

‘Let me keep you safe,for not for you, Violet, for me, selfishly me!’ he screams at me with desperation and as he drops to his knees infront of me his head hangs low for a second before snapping up to me with mercy in his eyes as no walls stands as they have been penetrated beyond control he can fathom now.

He looks me dead in the eyes as a slither of something comes out from his left side his face threateningly to slither down his cheek

A tear.

It follows it route before I drop down onto my knees and kiss it away the salty punishment burning on my lips of what I have done cradling him in a crushing grip as u do one hand in his soft hair one on his back as he leans his head initi the dents of my necks holding onto my back as his voice cracks into a million apologies none that I take as I tell him my own his hands pull me in in my back as he kissing behind me on the back of my shoulder crying, apologies running down my back from his throat like a fountain broken beyond measures nothing holding back.

A sharp pain shoot up my right shoulder blade as he bites onto it unpleasant tears stream my back still ac it ur my head and his eyes scrunched as tight as they could. With an unfathomable amount of pain I have endoured.

'Im so sorry all I want is you safe I can’t breathe when your not nevermind when we fight I can’t stand the thought of losing you in anyway all I want is you safe,it’s all I want.'

'I know, I know, unknown , I have been unfair on you no need for apologies, Xaden, it okay really I’m here I’m the one who is sorry but we are as you have said before difficult people we need to get through this nervend which one of us needs to be sorry.‘

' …I love you, Xaden.'

'I love you , Violet.'