Bnha Breakup - Tumblr Posts

Little Looks

Fandom: Bnha / Mha

Pairings: Todoroki x Reader, Bakugo x Reader  Warnings: Takes place in season 4, references Child abuse, nods to scarring from parental figures, and breakups Words: 7,106 Requested by: No one, but feel free to request!!  Request/Summary: Everyone has things to deal with, just as everyone has different ways to cope. Some push away those they love, others cry themselves to sleep. There are also the few who throw themselves into helping others. No matter how you cope with the struggles you face, a helping hand rarely hurts.

      The walls between the dorms were a little too thin. Everything could be heard across the shallow space that separated the students, it was hard to hide anything. Whether it be their taste in music, friends, or tv shows, your dorm-neighbor knew everything about them.

In Y/n’s case, her unfortunate neighbor had to hear her talking to Shoto late into the night. Ever time he walked her to her room, every time he spent the night- they heard every goodbye and I love you, but now...

Bakugo didn’t like to bother himself with class drama. He never cared about who was dating who or people’s preferences- it held no effect on him so why would he? That was... until he met her.

Y/n was this spunky girl who always had an opinion but never bothered to share it. She always had something to say, but the words never passed her lips. He always wondered what she was thinking about, why she wouldn’t say it. But then he found out.

Y/n held onto all her words, every opinion she had everything she would have said. She kept them to herself- until she could spill every word in her heart to Half-n-Half. 

It hurt, but he got it. That bastard was her boyfriend- it only made sense that she would tell him more than anyone else. Doesn’t mean it hurts less. It fucking sucked.

Lying in bed- long after he usually fell asleep, Katsuki had to hear her squeal into the phone, hear her laugh and joke, he had to hear her fall in love. With every passing second, it hurt more and more, and the pillow he clutched onto over his head did nothing to muffle her voice. Bakugo was curled into a ball, tears streaming down his face while he cried- silent sobs shaking his body and making him feel like there was a hole in his chest. Maybe there was.

She was perfect, the only person he could stand in this god-awful world. It was hard to pinpoint when he first fell in love with her, with the loud girl who said nothing. 

Perhaps it was the entrance exams- despite being in his arena she came out on top. Sacrificing moments for others yet still getting a few good points herself. Besides, seeing a cute girl take down a huge robot for no reason other than she wanted to (the person she was saving didn’t matter) was really hot. 

But maybe it was the first day when she came second in the class ranking for the stupid tests Aizawa Sensai made them do. Competing against her made him feel challenged- but it was in a different way than he felt with Deku or Half-N-Half- it was a good way. 

It also could have been during the break-in at the natural disaster center. Watching her fight her way back to the entrance and seeing her run in front of others to defend her classmates definitely made him respect Y/n more than he had before- more than he respected everyone else.

He couldn’t forget about the Sports Festival. Seeing her fight her way to the top, Y/n was always kind until it was time she wasn’t. The intensity she fought with proved that she was there for a purpose. Sure she was a little messy, but she got herself first place. Watching her fight against Todoroki was amazing, she used everything she had, and there were so many new tricks that no one had seen before, it was amazing. 

Bakugo had to have fallen in love with her by the time internships rolled around. She had convinced Aizawa-Sensai to take her on for an internship (something that hasn’t happened for years), and he watched her change into a different person, seeing her mature and think through every possibility was breath-taking, and he loved her, even more, every time she predicted someone’s next move. 

And even if he didn’t love her by then, he adored her by the time camp rolled around. She owned the forest with how she used her quirk and the way she pushed herself further than anyone else was amazing. He also enjoyed seeing that there was someone there other than him who could function in a kitchen. Seeing her cook for her classmates proved how much she cared for everyone, even though she wasn’t particularly close with most of them.

Seeing the look of pain on her face when he was taken from the camp hurt him more than anything the villains did to him. They had never actually talked much at that point, but he knew she cared for him by the pain in her eyes. She was all he thought about when he was being held, and when she reached out to him during the rescue it felt like everything was right with the world.

And now he had to watch her seem to fall into a depression. While he was making up for failing the license exam she was doing her work study, and she was doing it all with stupid Deku. 

The first day they sat at lunch, she sat in her usual seat with Yaoyarozu. After that, she and Deku ended up sitting next to each other- both with painful looks in their eyes. Bakugo couldn’t look at her, she had so much sorrow in those y/e/c eyes of hers, he was thrown back to when he was kidnapped- and he couldn’t handle that again.

Ever since she joined Deku and the weirdo from the big-three, she was crying. Every night, right after silence had taken over the building, he would hear these soft, gasping cries from her room. It hurt to hear them, it always sounded so painful.

Y/n had always been used to crying herself to sleep, self-soothing was a given ability when a person has a quirk people feared. She was used to the pain, the abuse, she could take it. 

She could handle the lying in bed for hours awake, silently crying herself to sleep. She was used to the teary eyes and the burning in her throat from wanting to scream but knowing that making a sound wasn’t an option. She knew what it was like to not be able to breathe, to have to hold on to her stomach from the wrenching pain and keep a hand on the top of her head from the migraine that would form. 

In time though, she had gotten sloppy. Having a laughing, caring personality ruined her stone-wall approach to problems like these, and she was louder than she was at home- Y/n blamed this on the dorms. It made her soft. 

Of course she was crying about Eri, if she had just gone with her instinct- every fiber in her being was telling her to get the girl as far away from Overhaul as possible. She should have done what she believed in- Mirio had stopped her. Y/n understood where he was coming from, but he should have followed her on this. Midoriya was being over-emotional if he hadn’t been so abrasive with the pair then maybe...

No! She couldn’t blame anyone else, this was her fault. The girl was in her arms, she was holding onto her, and Y/n let her go. She ran back to him; because he was going to get violent. She saw it in his eyes, and she was willing to take the blow so that Y/n and her friends wouldn’t get hurt. What a brave little girl.

And sure, the whole Todoroki situation wasn’t making her feel any better. He had pulled Y/n aside earlier that day. She assumed he would talk to her about her sudden mood change, but that wasn’t what happened. He told her that he didn’t want to break up, but he needed a break to focus on catching up with everyone else.

Since then, he hasn't said a word to her. He avoided his girlfriend at all costs, and it really hurt. He told her that they weren’t over, was that because he still wanted to be with her but was overwhelmed, or because he wanted to be done with her but wanted to keep her there if he ever felt like coming back? Was he busy, or did he just not love her anymore?

Her quirk did her no favors, Override was constantly giving her anxiety, and the effect it had on others only hurt more. Sure she could have read his thoughts, but was Y/n ready to hear that answer? Was this her destiny? To fuck everything up and cry herself to sleep?

The gasps were sharper now, they cut through her chest like a dagger and echoed in her room. She wanted sleep, Y/n had been fighting off insomnia for the majority of her life, but it always worsened with stress.

At times like these, she would usually turn to Shinso, a fellow student who ended up in the General Studies course despite having a similar quirk to her. He approached her after the festival to ask about her quirk, and once they saw how similar they were, they learned to latch on to each other.

It was rare to connect with someone with a similar quirk outside of one’s own family, but Shinso and Y/n was a blessing in disguise. They connected with each other over people's fear of them, telling them they would be better as villains. Trust came hard for them, people always assumed they would manipulate their way to the top. 

Both having the ability to dictate other's actions was a unique coincidence, and surprisingly Shinso wasn’t overly-jealous of Y/n’s other abilities. Having someone able to read his mind was a nice way to keep him in check, plus they could communicate without others over-hearing what he was saying.

Sure knowing that she also had the power to use a shimmery, translucent, deep red, aura-like stream of fog to manipulate and move objects was a little bothersome, but that just meant he didn’t have to get up and grab his own tray at lunch. 

Sadly, Y/n remembered that Shinso had been pulling all-nighters to train on his own, so it was a safe assumption that he would be asleep by now- exhausted by his training. Shoto was also out of the question, he wanted nothing to do with her.

Her other friends wouldn’t be able to talk with her about what was going on, they were sworn to secrecy, and she wasn’t close to anyone else that was doing hero-work with her. Deku was nice and all, but he was too high-strung. He also wouldn’t understand why it was bothering her so much. No one would understand, except for Shoto.

The small gasps still echoed throughout the room, and she rotated her pillow every few minutes to get away from the water. It was so cold, it was so quiet. All alone, she had no one- no one was there, no one cared about here, they would be fine without her- she was always gonna be alone-

Short shallow knocks rasped at her door, snapping Y/n out of the hyperventilating breaths she had fallen into. 

“You okay in there?” A gruff voice asked, stained with sleep and lack of usage.

“Y-yeah, I’m fine,” she called out, not entirely sure of who she was talking to. 

“Okay,” the voice said. It was awkward waiting for a response, but neither wanted to talk before the other.

“Goodnight,” he whispered, almost unsure of whether Y/n would hear him or not, and he almost hoped she didn’t, but the shallow ‘night’ that echoed back to him proved she had better ears than he thought she did.  

-------

That morning she woke up to a cheery song being played through her wall. Normally waking up to someone blaring music would have pissed her off, but Kelly Clarkson's What Doesn’t Kill You was echoing through her floor, and it almost felt like it was being played for her- as ridiculous as it sounded. 

It was a stupid song, but she would invite Momo over for a hag-out / sleep-over after a stressful lesson or exam, and they would scream the words to the classic song. 

After getting into her school uniform, Y/n slowly made her way to breakfast. The smell of pancakes made their way into the halls, but she stopped by the room next to hers. She had never been in there, but seeing it in the light reminded her of who resigned in it. 

Bakugo Katsuki. The fiery blond that seemed to have a problem with everyone. The sparky guy who was always willing to fight for the smallest of reasons. The stranger that talked to her last night.

It was hard to imagine it. He had always been so aggressive, so hostile, the small voice that checked in on her last night just didn’t fit him, but still it made so much sense in a way that she couldn’t explain. 

---------

The rest of the day was weird to say the least. Y/n and the other work study students were put on standby while they waited for news on the operation, but that was only one of the things that were out of place.

Ever now and then, Y/n would sneak a look at Bakugo. Had he even known it was her? Did is matter to him? Why had he reached out to her? Was there a reason? It was a difficult situation, but she’s faced worse scenarios before. 

For now, Y/n relished in the moments where she would catch him looking at her. The blush that would light up his face before he turned away from her, the way he would abruptly stop talking if they made eye contact, it made little butterflies scatter in her stomach, the kind of feeling where staying still isn’t an option, and the heat in her chest isn’t stemming from pain. The kind of feeling where what ifs and maybes flash in her vision.

She could see it, if they were together. She could see coffee dates, she could practically feel his hand holding hers. The walks after curfew, the shushing each other when they stay up late laughing. Maybe they could cuddle and watch movies, go on dates to paint the town red. He could be her prince, as long as he never hid her away in a tower.

Though Bakugo was never one to spend time on damsels in distress, at least not for a partner. He would want someone to ride along side him, someone to keep up and help him if he needed it. He wouldn’t want a fragile flower, and he would never treat her like she was. He wan’t an equal, not a follower.

---------

Bakugo couldn’t think straight all day. She was everywhere he looked, always smiling, always doing something. She wouldn’t get out of his head, maybe that’s why he kept looking over at her. She was just so sad, it only makes sense that, as her classmate, he would worry about her. What if she brought down the class average? That wouldn’t be good.

And yes, he was playing a cheesy girl empowerment song, and no he wasn’t embarrassed. I mean sure, he was, but the smile on her face that morning definitely helped ease the pain.

He hadn’t told anyone about his feelings, why would he? And even if there was a reason, who would he tell? Sero’s a dumb ass, Mina would gossip to the entire school, Denki would do something stupid, and Kirishima would never shut up about it. It made sense to just, keep it to himself. For now.

------------

That night, laughter was heard from Y/n’s room for the first time in a while. And who could blame her? Even with all the pain she was facing right now, it was easy to laugh at Bakugo’s dumb jokes. The dad puns were so out of character for him, it was just the thing she needed. The best feeling though, was when they laughed together. 

His voice was slightly higher when he laughed. He was one of the people who laughed inwards- choking on the air he was trying to breath. It was a contagious kind of laugh that made those around him happier. It was so rare and beautiful, and it was so perfectly him. 

----

The jokes late at night morphed into a good morning and goodnight whispered through the drywall, which eventually became conversations while they got ready for bed or to face the school day.

After that, they would stop by each others room. It started with Y/n needed a towel (her’s were slowly stolen by the girls of 1-A), and Bakugo always had a few spare. 

This morphed into waiting for each other to walk together, which then became study sessions. After that, late night studying became hangouts. Whether it be a ridiculously sized puzzle or a horror movie, a cheesy chick-flick or slapstick comedy, they had movie nights more than they didn’t.

And then, it was more likely for them to be in the others room instead of their own. He would sit next to her, wrapped in a giant blanket watching hundreds of horror movies- but it was always followed by something stupid (fifty first dates became a staple). Maybe the jokes weren’t very funny, but it was enough to make Y/n laugh, so it was enought to make Bakugo laugh in return. And as she his behind her hair, she could see a little look her sent her way, his eyes twinkled and it almost felt like this was it- he was her soulmate. 

 And one night, after studying for an upcoming test, Bakugo fell asleep on her bed. It wasn’t out of the ordinary, but he usually would wake up from his naps hours ago- but Y/n guessed he would just spend the night.

But then, her phone rang. She darted out of her room to met with the other work-study students. They would leave to get Eri in the morning, but for now they needed sleep.

---------

The mission was a success. Eri was saved, but nothings all sunshine and rainbows. There were many injuries. Luckily, Deku remained mostly healthy. That couldn’t be said for everyone thought. Mirio’s quirk was gone, and that was a harsh blow for him to take. The loss of Sir Nighteye devastated him and Y/n, who had grown close to the jokester during her short time with him.

However, that wasn’t the only thing weighting on Y/n. In the heat of the battle, one Mirio was taken out, Y/n was the only one able to protect Eri for around twenty minutes. All of the work was placed onto her. 

Override was an extraordinarily powerful quirk, and it has taken her years to gain control over it. It was often bigger than herself, responding to her emotions more often than her orders. The fight was fresh in her mind, the fear running through her, the adrenaline that kept her going. The pain in her body was everywhere, but it wasn’t about her. It was about the little girl who had felt too much and seen to little. 

She couldn’t give up, Eri had to be saved. Manipulating the large debris scattered around the room was the easy part. Throwing them at Overhaul and protecting Eri was second nature. It was too easy to put distance between them. It was Mirio that challenged her strength.

The anguish he was is seeped into her mind, Y/n’’s aura was easily tainted by the stress of others. Eri was small and had a heart of gold, Y/n knew she had full trust in the female would-be hero. It was Mirio that had his doubts. 

His fear attacked her, and his pain tangled her mind into knots with no walls to protect it. He made it hard to focus, and the pain was unbelievable- but she pushed through. Constantly rebuilding the barrier around Eri, moving Overhaul back further and further, until he was pinned.

It was then Y/n changed her focus. The strain Mirio put on her made the manipulation of the objects too difficult to maintain, so instead she focused on pinning Overhaul. She had to focus, one wrong move and he would be dead- Y/n couldn’t handle another persons blood on her hands.

The red aura that was an extension of herself enveloped his body. Working its way through his ears, in his mouth and noes, it slowly made its way to his brain. She wrapped around it, slowly encasing it wit her aura, until he had gone limp and completely immobile. 

She saw every thought in his head, the memories, his hopes, dreams, his greatest accomplishments and worse fears. She saw his neglection, how he was tossed aside. She witnessed his plan, how he was ignored by his father, and the awful things he did behind closed doors. What he said to the league, and the pain he was in right now.

The pain was triggering memories to come rushing up. UA was a great school, but Shoto was everywhere- scattered in her brain. He left, alone. He doesn’t love her anymore, he never did. The classroom was just a place where he fooled her tricked her. He abandoned her. He was like Overhaul’s mentor. The betrayal, the hurt.  She felt it from him, it seeped into her mind, twisting her reality. What he felt what he thought, they became a part of her. They mixed with her own emotions, her memories warped around his pain. 

Y/n was well aware of how this hurt him, and it hurt her when she did it. All the pain he was in was shared to her, straining and causing tears to form in her eyes. She could take it- the pain was nothing. Eri was all that mattered, she could hold on until help arrived. He couldn’t escape, she couldn’t let him. If she was going to be trash for the rest of her life,  if what they told her was right. If she was a villain, if she could never accomplish anything, if she would be no better than they said she was, at least she could do this. 

No one had come to save her, she had to save herself. There was not a chance in hell Y/n would let this poor little girl face the same pain she did, all the trauma and the hurt, it ruined her. It broke her, and Eri deserves more than what Y/n had. She can be free, she can be saved by someone other than herself.

Though Y/n and Overhaul were trapped in time, the outside world was still moving. Mirio was losing consciousness, and Eri was confused. All the noises had stopped, nothing was happening. Was it over? 

She crawled out of the rock pillar that had formed around her, and what she saw was terrifying. Ruble was everywhere, no where was like how it used to be. And there she was, the girl with the same look in her eyes, the one with the same marks on her body, the bigger version of herself. 

Why was there so much red in her air? Why wasn’t she moving? Where was everyone?

------------------

Most of the students had been cleared to go back to school. Eri was placed into isolation, and Mirio had a few more days left. Y/n was supposed to stay for a few more weeks. The duration that she used Override for was more than her mind could take, and her arms had several fractures from debris flying off when she was fighting. Her mind was put under such enormous amount of strain, it had put up amnesia walls to cope.

This has blocked many of the details of the passed few days linked to the significant trauma. While the school was aware of this as a possible drawback from her quirk, they had not made the preparations needed if this ever happened. As a result, she was not cleared to go until they had safely learned what she had blocked from her memory. 

News of this had spread faster than the teachers predicted, by the following day the entire school knew of Y/n’s condition. She herself was unaware of the barriers- the entire reason the amnesia walls exist is to prevent her from knowing. Because of this, Y/n only knew that she had injuries and was taken to the hospital.

Aizawa had stayed stayed at the hospital, looking in through her window from time to time to check in on her. He had been the one who knew the most about the girl. He had gone to her home with Allmight when they were getting parents permission for the students to move into the new campus. 

---

“Who’s next?” Aizawa asked, cramped next to the man who’s simply too big for this worlds current accommodations.

“Y/l/n Y/n, do you think her parents will be hard to convince?” Allmight asked, looking up from the girls file.

“Not a clue. She’s a sweet girl, but she has her moments where she shuts down. I suppose if her parents are a reflection of her personality, they would understand where we are coming from, but they might take a little convincing. Y/n’s a stubborn girl, I can only assume she gets that from her parents,”

“So who’s gonna take the lead?” All might said, awaiting a response from the sudden silence in the air.

The hero pair hadn’t notice when the driver took a turn down a rode leading to the darker side of town. The hero’s patrolled these streets more often than not- it was hard to assume any of there students, let alone one as bright as Y/n, was a part of this neighborhood. It’s rude to make assumptions, but the stereotypes surrounded these streets more than anywhere else. 

They pulled up to an apartment building. She lived on one of the highest floors, apartment 7D. The entrance to the building had no security nor doorman waiting for guests. No one greeted them, the base floor was abandoned. 

Ignoring the minor inconvenience of the broken elevator, the pair made there way up six flights of stairs with no complaints, only wondering how long the elevator had been broken for.

The lights in the halls flickered, and loud music carried through the thick doors. People were yelling in adjacent rooms, and a dog was barking somewhere. Then they approached the last, and only silent, door.

Aizawa knocked loudly, hoping Y/n’s parents could hear it over the noise of their neighbors. To their limited surprise, Y/n’s voice called out to them. 

“Who’s there?” Her cheerful voice was so out of place in this floor of people. She looked through the peep-hole, and was taken aback to see her teachers outside her door.

She unlocked the four locks she installed on her door, and greeted them. “Hello Sensai’s! I wasn’t expecting a visit,” she told them, opening her door. 

“Hello, young Y/l/n, are your parents home?” Allmight asked, smiling at the girl.

“Uhh, why don’t you both come inside? My neighbors can be noisy if they don’t know I have company over. I would have talked to them if you gave me a heads up,” she explained, opening her door all the way. 

The two cautiously entered her home, they made an effort not to be rude. Her apartment was small, if it could even be called that. She had a living room to the right of the door, and a small open kitchen to the left. A short hallway branched out in between, most likely holding a bedroom and bathroom. It was a petite apartment, one that they couldn’t believe could house multiple people.

“Don’t mind the bags on the counter, I just got home from grocery shopping. I was making myself a cup of tea, could I offer either of you something? I have tea, water, juice, I still have a hot pot of coffee if you would like,” she said, making her way to the kitchen to take the kettle of the eye.

“Some tea would be nice, if you wouldn’t mind,” Aizawa said, carefully eyeing the apartment before fallowing All might's lead and sitting on the couch.

“Of course, Allmight?”

“I wouldn’t mind some tea, thank you,” he said, his voice slowly getting lower.

The same thoughts were running through both of their heads. Everything was falling together. The walls had no family photos, just some of her with children they didn’t recognize, and a few with some of her classmates. A couple school awards were up on the walls, and the house had a few scattered decorations, such as small plants and white rugs, along with cream colored half-knitted blanket on a one-seater facing across the couch. This was the home of someone who preferred activities and socialization. There was no tv in sight. 

“Here you go, careful- they’re still hot,” Y/n said, giving them both their cups of tea. All of the mugs had either quotes from tv shows or beautiful designs, they all fit so perfectly with Y/n’s personality.

“So, Y/n,” Aizawa said, trying to figure out a way to phrase his words.

“I guess I should explain, huh?” She sighed and took a seat across from them, placing her mug on the coffee table and grabbing her knitting supplies. “I was emancipated a few weeks after my fourteenth birthday. Because I’m technically a minor, the government sealed away that information from all my school records, they worried about people having easy access to my information. I’ve lived in this apartment for around two years now. I have full legal control over my education and health, as well as my housing,”

“Well, we’re here to gather permission to move all of the students into dorms at the school. I’m not sure of your financial situation, but-”

“The government pays for my housing as long as it stays beneath 9,500 yen,”

“Then all we need is your signature to confirm that you have no objections to moving into the dorms, understanding that this is for your protection, and it will become our legal duty to keep you and the other students safe,”

---------

Now, only three members of the school faculty knew of Y/n’s full situation, Allmight, himself, and principal Nezu. It was a tricky situation to be in. Y/n had full legal control over her medical care, but she was unaware of the situation. Typically, a person has an emergency contact that they are willing to give control to if they are ever deemed unable to make a fully informed decision for themselves. 

However, this person was not allowed to be a minor- and they haven’t found Y/n’s legal documentation of who this was. Because of all that, the doctors haven’t been able to preform any more tests or procedures on her. It was a risk, but Aizawa figured it was necessary.

“Y/n?” He called, after knocking on her hospital door.

“Eraserhead! I wasn’t expecting a visit, come in,” she said, smiling while she sat up. Her arm was in a sling, and her head was wrapped with gauze. 

“Y/n, I want to ask you a few questions if you don’t mind,” he said, sitting in the chair next to her. He had been with her or near her for the entire day leading up to the raid, so he knows the majority of what she did that day.

“Of course, go ahead!” She smiled, glad to finally have company. They had kept her in isolation to prevent ant triggers- but they didn’t tell her that people were forbidden from visiting. 

“I wanted to start by asking you a simple one. What is the last thing you remember happening?”

It took Y/n a few minutes to find an answer, but she settled on, “I remember Bakugo?”

Aizawa drew his eyebrows and took a deep breath in, “What do you mean exactly?”

“I don’t.. I don’t really know? The last thing I did before waking up here was with Bakugo,” the redness of her face and the fighting of her fingers were clear signs that she was becoming uncomfortable with the conversation- Aizawa knew that. But he couldn’t stop know, he had to know. This couldn’t be for nothing, he had to get something from this conversation. 

“Do you know what you two were doing? Where were you two?”

“We,” her breathing became shallow and broken, “Can we do this later?”

“I know this is hard, but I really need to know what you can remember before you were in the hospital,” he pushed harder, sitting up in his chair.

“I said I don’t remember,” Y/n said, pushing back in her bed and sitting up against the headrest.

“You don’t remember anything? You remember me,” Aizawa said, egging her to say more. 

“Or course, you’re my,”

A heavy silence filled the room. One filled with uncertainty and fear. It was a word on the top of her tongue, something so close yet in a wall of haze.

“Y/n?” He asked, slowly grabbing a hold of the girls hand once a look of terror came over her face. 

“You’re my...”

“You can do it Y/n,” he said, pushing her further, “Just think.”

“You... are my mentor. The internships, yeah! That’s how I know you,” She said, relaxing and sighing heavily.

“Y/n, where do you go to school?”

“I uhh.... I’m sorry. It’s right there,” she said, deeply exhaling. 

“That’s okay. You should get some sleep, I’ll come back later,” with a deep sigh he left the room. He didn’t dare look back at the girl sitting in the hospital bed. If he did, he would have saw it. The look of pain, of confusion that she had. It would be too much for him, it would break him. 

“Where the hell is she?” A booming voice echoed through the hospital, alerting most of the staff and all of the waiting visitors. 

“Sir, sir you need to calm down. She is in an isolation period right now-” 

“You think I give a fuck about isolation periods? You’ll tell me where she is, or i’ll go door to door looking for her myself!”

Aizawa didn’t have to walk far before he saw his student causing trouble for the poor nurse across the desk. It was embarrassing to everyone but the blonde pain in the neck.

“Bakugo, lower your voice,” he said, his voice not hiding the lack of sleep he’s gotten since the operation.

“Mr. Aizawa, do you know where Y/n is?” He said, his eyes still holding a hard edge to them.

“Bakugo,” he guided him to a sitting area where they could talk, “Y/l/n is currently suffering from one of the drawbacks from her quirk, it causes-”

“Amnesia walls, I know. She told me all about them, which is why I need to see her,” he said, forgetting who he was talking to exactly.

“Because of these walls,” he rolled his eyes, “the staff can’t be sure exactly what she remembers and what her mind blocked from her. We can’t risk negatively triggering her. We are all trying desperately to find a way to safely give her her memories back, but until then we only want to expose her to things she knows,” he did his best to explain the situation to his troublesome student, but he knew he would most likely fail.

---------

Bakugo sat next to Y/n on her hospital bed, watching her read from a red leather-bound book. He was weary to let him do what he was, but it was legally the best thing to do. 

Bakugo had explained that Y/n confided many things to him- one of which was her intense fear of forgetting things after using her quirk. So much so, that she wrote everything that happened to her in a book as soon as she could get back to her dorm. While it wouldn’t have the most recent memories- including those of the actual mission- it would get her brain used to exposing itself to memories it blocked out.

Watching the situation from outside was peculiar. Reading her expressions had never been easier- her usually guarded expression became an open book. From her drawn together eyebrows and slight tears, to the squirming blush and her refusal to make eye-contact with the boy across from her, all of it made the situation seem so much more childish that it really was. 

Inside the room was weirder. The atmosphere differed paragraph to paragraph. From her blurting out the inside jokes they had made to mentioning the depressing conversations they had at two am made them laugh and cry. Once and a while she wouldn’t say anything- she was the only one out of the three to know why, but her secrets should stay with her.

Aizawa walked into the room once she had shut her journal. “That;s not everything you’ve thought and seen since the incident, the moments leading up to you using your quirk were never written down, but after a day or two of recovery some of the others present and I will do our best to fill you in on what you missed. Or, maybe you’ll remember on you own,”

“Alright, that sounds good. So, it seems I lost bits and pieces since I entered UA. Some things are still hazy, but my people’s chart is constantly update, so that helps,”

“People chart?” Bakugo asked, crossing his arms.

“Yeah, I have a chart of everyone that plays a part in my life, and I consistently update my emotions towards them. It’s helpful,” she said, blushing lightly.

“Right... I’d like to know what was in the most recent entry, just to see exactly how much you’re still missing,”

“Okay,” she said, re-opening her journal, “the last thing I wrote about was uhh...” she skipped over a few lines, “I got a phone call from Sir in the middle of the night,” she looked ahead, “Me and the other work-study students met up to talk about it. I went back to my room where- never mind. That’s the last thing!” She said, smiling and closing her book. 

“Sure,” Aizawa said, turning to walk out, “I’ll come back Morrow,” he shut the door when he left. Shacking his head lightly, he went back to check on Eri.

Y/n rapidly re-read pages of the book before looking up to Bakugo. “I have a question,”

“Well, are you gonna ask it or just sit there like an idiot,” he said, smiling and re-adjusting to a criss-cross position. 

“Are we...” she looked back to her book, “dating?”

“Huh?!”

“Well, I have a bunch of the things we did written down, but it’s all really confusing and I can’t understand most of it,” she blushed, scratching the back of her neck.

“Y/n,” he sighed, shaking his head, “We... We aren’t dating. You are dating Todoroki,” 

“But that can’t be right,” She scrunched up her noes. “I wrote down that he said he wanted a break from me, and that I was taking up too much of his time from the make-up work he was doing,”

“He what?” Bakugo shouted, not sure who he was mad at most, Todoroki for hurting her so much, Y/n for not telling him, or himself for not trying to ask Y/n out sooner.

“I mean... that’s what I wrote. Did he say anything to you?”

“No I-”

“Y/n! Thank god you’re okay, I’ve been so worried ever since I heard what happened! They wouldn’t let anyone visit you,” A bi-colored haired boy said rushing into the room and pulling Y/n’s torso into a hug, knocking the air out of her lungs like a delayed punch that should have been an illegal move, but the coach wasn’t looking. 

“Todoroki?”

“Babe? Since when do you call me by my last name?” He asked, pulling back slightly and looking over at Bakugo. 

“What happened, Baby?” He asked, his eyes flickering back and forth between the two people sitting on the hospital bed.

Bakugo would have answered for her, but he seemed to have lost the ability to speak, it was like the world as punishing him with sleep paralysis, but he was awake, and their was no demon at his bed- just the cold reality of the love of his life being with another.

“My quirk made me lose some of my memories, but it’s okay. I have some things written down, and I’ll most likely regain all of them in a few weeks,”

“You have amnesia? Y/n, I saw the news, but what exactly happened?”

“News?” Y/n echoed, looking over at Bakugo who still remained still as a statue. “Katsuki, what exactly happened to me before I came here?”

“Y/n look, It’s really complicated, and-”

“Y/n? Katsuki? When exactly did you two become such close friends?”

“Oh, we have been spending a little bit of time together,” She answered, not looking away from Bakugo’s eyes.

“Seems to be a little more that a little,” Todoroki said, his eyes going back and forth between hers, searching for something he swears is there. 

“I guess not everything is what it seemed,” Bakugo snapped at him, startling what once was a peaceful conversation. 

“I guess not,” It was hard not to agree with her new friend. Even though she could have sworn that, with the little she had read and started to remember, they were together.

Or did he spend the night with all his friends? Did he bring over their favorite snacks to watch a horror movie, followed by a rom-com so they would be able to sleep. Did he tuck all of his friends into bed after they had a nightmare? She had wrote about all the little things he did, all the nights he had spent comforting her, making her laugh so she would stop crying. 

It seemed like they had been dating, or at least they were close to dating, but as Bakugo stood up and stormed out of the room it left Y/n wondering something. Was there anything behind the little looks they shared, or was it all just a fantasy made up to satiate her need for a connection?

It doesn’t really matter anymore, does it? Bakugo is gone, Todoroki is back- but did he ever leave? Maybe there really was a reason her walls were so thick. Maybe Bakugo shouldn’t have been an exception, she had grown too close too quickly, and in a flash his little looks were gone. 

Loving Is Nothing

Fandom: Bnha, Mha Paring: Midoriya Izuku x Reader, Midoriya Izuku x Ochaco Uraraka Rating: G Warnings: Angst, Breakup Words: .6k97 A/N: A drabble for when he was your soulmate, but you weren’t his.

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this.”

Hearing him say it, Y/n almost forgave him. She smiled, putting a hand on his face to wipe the tears that started to fall from his eyes. “I know,”

It’s okay, she wanted to say, I understand. I forgive you. It’s not your fault. There’s no one to blame. She wanted to pull him in and ease away the pain he was in. She wanted to comfort him, but instead she dropped her hand from his skin. 

They sat across from each other in their favorite café, in the booth they shared their first kiss- the same place a nervous high school girl confesses her love to an awkward teenage boy. She smiled at the booth, so many memoires.

“I don’t know how to tell you how sorry I am,”

Her lips pressed together and her eyes heated with the tears she’d same until he was gone. Gingerly, she cupped his hands with her own- “There’s nothing to forgive.”

And that was it. The end of their story, the death of the love they once shared, the murder of the future which was being born in front of everyone’s eyes.

The media went into a frenzy, already having taken photos of a crying Y/n walking out of the café alone. After all, it’s not every day the top two hero's breakup. 

Honestly, it was much better than Y/n expected. The people were sympathetic, having watched the young couple grow up together and following their love story- some even felt like they were a part of the broken relationship. 

Deku and Uraraka stared dating exactly three months after the relationship ended- what Ochaco considered a generous mourning period for a loveless relationship. But there was love, bruised, broken, love, but love none the less.

Her tears every night are an offering to the life they could have lived, her dreams a testament to her devotion towards this fallen deity. Every cry of his name while she slept was a prayer, nothing could fill her heart from the apocalypse her faith brought her. 

Her first date was a year after the breakup. “I think you’re beautiful,” The man had told her- a gentle smile on his face as he pulled the chair out for her to sit.

“I want to see you again,” he smiled bashfully, as they walked out the restaurant.

“I really like you,” he admitted over a nighttime stroll, ice-cream in his hand.

“I always want to be by your side,” he whispered into her ear after she called him in the middle of the night, broken from the dream she had.

“I love you,” he smiled over the expensive cake in their go-to restaurant. 

“We’ll get through this,” he ran his finger over the back of her hand, after Y?n got involved in a accident during a mission.

“I can’t do this anymore.” He said over coffee in their apartment, his eyes out of focus as he blankly starred at the wall- having heard his love say a different mans name during her sleep. 

He broke up with her on their two year anniversary. Y/n wondered breifly, as she arrived home to see all of his belongings missing, if she was the broken one. She thought back on all the memories and wondered if she should be in pain right now. 

He had cried after he broke up with her. Should she have cried?

No matter how hard Y/n tried to feel sad about the end of their romance, she couldn’t. She had already met the love of her life- already had her epic romance, the relationship to test the tides of time. How do you love someone else after all that? She sat on the floor of her apartment for hours- legs falling asleep along witht he rest of the world. You can’t. There’s no one else after your soulmate. 

Once you lose the person you’re supposed to spend forever with, al love is empty. She spent all her butterflies on her first love, used up all she had to give. After him- after Izuku- loving is nothing. Not when she had him. Not when he’s gone.

A Smile Said Goodbye

Fandom: Bnha / Mha Paring: Bakugo x Reader Rating: 14+ Words: 1k244 Warnings: Strong Language, toxic relationship, references to sex, angst, breakups, manipulation. A/n: Bakugou and Y/n were together, even when they probably shouldn’t be-- and they both knew it.

      The streets of Shinjuku had a special place in Y/n’s heart. Having grown up in a nice apartment near the heart of the city, Shinjuku itself became a close friend. Night time had already fallen when she found her seat at her favorite out-door seating cafe on one of the busier streets. The neon lights lit up the sky, mixed with the fog that came with a bustling city. 

She sipped on her americano, taking great pains to make it last. She wasn’t sure how long it would be before she could come to this place again. 

“I’m here,” 

He placed a kiss on her temple and sat across from her, presenting a bouquet of roses on the table, and instinctively placing his hand on top of hers. She withdrew from under him and brought her hands to her lap- “We need to talk.”

“What’s the matter? Why do we need to talk here of all places?” He scrunched up his noes at the loud strangers walking around them and the trafic not far away. 

Y/n didn’t tell him that her childhood home was nearby, and that she planed on spending the night in her childhood room. That was hardly how she wanted this conversation to go.

Y/n had learned from past trials and errors. She knew not to try at his home, where he had complete control and could tempt her into bed and make her stay until months later when her courage came back. 

As easy as it was to fall back into their routine, Y/n knew she needed change. He needed it too- they both needed to get out of this relationship. 

“Bakugo,” his eyes snapped to hers at the formal address. The inner parts of her eyebrows rose in misery, “Kastuki..”

His mouth went dry and he froze- knowing exactly what was happening. “No,” he shook his head, “Whatever it was we can fix it. We can do it together.” He looked at Y/n and saw her for the first time in a while. Her shoulders were drawn forward- her chin tilted down. She looked so small, like she was trying to disappear. Did he ho that?

“There’s nothing we can fix, Katsu.” She looked in his eyes and saw her fragile 16 year old boyfriend, not her 27 year old partner. He searched her face for something, for anything.

Y/n had used her quirk on him the moment their eyes met. He searched and searched her face for a sign, just a hint that she saw something in them worth salvaging- something in him worth saving.

And, though tears were coming down her face and her heart was breaking, Bakugo saw nothing but a passive and heartless girl. “We were supposed to have everything,” angry tears boiled in his eyes, “we were supposed to be forever and what- you’re just throwing that away?”

Y/n’s lip quivered, but she managed to hold in the whimper. “We’re not made for that and you know it,” she looked at him in semi-disbelief, “You must know that.”

He shook his head violently, glaring at her- “I’m trying so hard Y/n! Please just, just see that I’m doing my fucking best! Cut me some slack because I-” his voice cut off and grew much softer, “I’m nothing without you.”

Y/n winced. “That’s why we can’t continue, Katsu-” she shook her head to remember her resolution- “when we’re together we depended on one another. I’m not me, you’re not you. And, when we try to be ourselves,” she whimpered at the memories, “we hurt each other.”

Bakugo was beyond embarrassed he was the only one crying- but him pride meant nothing when he was faced with the end of everything. He remembered exactly what she was talking about. All the fights, the compromises, the anger, the pain, the tears, all of it-- but wasn’t that just a testament to how strong their relationship is? “No, no you’re wrong.” He spoke loudly so the bustling street wouldn’t drown out his voice as much as his doubt drowned out his thoughts, “We’re meant to be together. Hell- we’re practically soulmates.”

“You did nothing wrong, Bakugo.”

His attention snapped back to her face- still clean of any emotion.

“You loved me so much, you were such a good boyfriend-”

“Then let me stay.”

Y/n could feel his desperation, feel the pain in his voice. It made her shutter, but she knew it was for the best. She could see it, see him with a nice girl who complimented him-- someone who never made him cry or breakdown. Someone good for him.

So, she shook her head. “You need to find someone else, Katuski.”

He protested, declaring his love for her. “You’re the only one for me, the only girl I want in my life. Nothing else, no one else.” He fixed his posture and looked composed, “We can do this. We can fix this.”

She bit harshly on her tongue. “I’m already gone, Katsuki.” 

He started- “What,” his voice cracked startled by the small smile that pulled on her lips like a guilty secret, “What do you mean?”

“Move on.” 

She disappeared and hopped out of her seat before he knew what had happened.

“Damnit!” He screamed, waving his arms around in hopes of touching her. He wasn’t sure how long ago she’d charmed his eyes, made him see things that weren’t as they were. How many things had happened while his eyes lied?

“Damnit, damnit, dammit!” Tears flowed down his face, making him scream from the pain and nausea as the nitroglycerin from the tears hit his eyes. “Don’t go!” He fell to his knees, punching the pavement. 

I’m so sorry, she wanted to say, but Y/n knew a single noise that didn’t comply with her forced delusion would break the illusion she constructed,  I’m so sorry, my love, my treasure, my soul’s mirror- my Katsu.

Y/n’s remaining family in Shinjuku didn’t question why she had an impromptu night at their house, nor did they address the sobbing from her room. They said nothing and asked no questions. Though some chalked it up as pro hero on the top ten list stress, a few recognized the look of heartbreak when they saw it.

She curled into a ball on her childhood bed, pink sheets tangled between her limbs as she starred emptily out the window towards the neon lights radiating from the streets. 

Goodbye Katsuki, a tear rolled from her left eye, across the ridge of her noes, and into her right, please understand. Please forgive me.

Y/n woke up in the morning, eyes swollen and cheeks flushed. She silently ate the breakfast prepared at the table. Breaking up with someone you still love is one of the most painful things she’d ever done, but she knew it was the only way. Y/n felt bad about many things, but she hoped, in time, she’d forgive herself for this. Forgive herself for wanting more than perpetual heartbreak and heartbreaking. She wanted better for herself, but really she wanted better for him. 

He deserved someone who never made him question his worth, someone who made him see things to love about himself, not someone who made him want to change into something he wasn’t. He needed someone who made him strong, not someone who crippled him. He needed an equal in love. She takes a sip of her too strong coffee, I just wish it could have been me.