A Smile Said Goodbye

A Smile Said Goodbye

Fandom: Bnha / Mha Paring: Bakugo x Reader Rating: 14+ Words: 1k244 Warnings: Strong Language, toxic relationship, references to sex, angst, breakups, manipulation. A/n: Bakugou and Y/n were together, even when they probably shouldn’t be-- and they both knew it.

      The streets of Shinjuku had a special place in Y/n’s heart. Having grown up in a nice apartment near the heart of the city, Shinjuku itself became a close friend. Night time had already fallen when she found her seat at her favorite out-door seating cafe on one of the busier streets. The neon lights lit up the sky, mixed with the fog that came with a bustling city. 

She sipped on her americano, taking great pains to make it last. She wasn’t sure how long it would be before she could come to this place again. 

“I’m here,” 

He placed a kiss on her temple and sat across from her, presenting a bouquet of roses on the table, and instinctively placing his hand on top of hers. She withdrew from under him and brought her hands to her lap- “We need to talk.”

“What’s the matter? Why do we need to talk here of all places?” He scrunched up his noes at the loud strangers walking around them and the trafic not far away. 

Y/n didn’t tell him that her childhood home was nearby, and that she planed on spending the night in her childhood room. That was hardly how she wanted this conversation to go.

Y/n had learned from past trials and errors. She knew not to try at his home, where he had complete control and could tempt her into bed and make her stay until months later when her courage came back. 

As easy as it was to fall back into their routine, Y/n knew she needed change. He needed it too- they both needed to get out of this relationship. 

“Bakugo,” his eyes snapped to hers at the formal address. The inner parts of her eyebrows rose in misery, “Kastuki..”

His mouth went dry and he froze- knowing exactly what was happening. “No,” he shook his head, “Whatever it was we can fix it. We can do it together.” He looked at Y/n and saw her for the first time in a while. Her shoulders were drawn forward- her chin tilted down. She looked so small, like she was trying to disappear. Did he ho that?

“There’s nothing we can fix, Katsu.” She looked in his eyes and saw her fragile 16 year old boyfriend, not her 27 year old partner. He searched her face for something, for anything.

Y/n had used her quirk on him the moment their eyes met. He searched and searched her face for a sign, just a hint that she saw something in them worth salvaging- something in him worth saving.

And, though tears were coming down her face and her heart was breaking, Bakugo saw nothing but a passive and heartless girl. “We were supposed to have everything,” angry tears boiled in his eyes, “we were supposed to be forever and what- you’re just throwing that away?”

Y/n’s lip quivered, but she managed to hold in the whimper. “We’re not made for that and you know it,” she looked at him in semi-disbelief, “You must know that.”

He shook his head violently, glaring at her- “I’m trying so hard Y/n! Please just, just see that I’m doing my fucking best! Cut me some slack because I-” his voice cut off and grew much softer, “I’m nothing without you.”

Y/n winced. “That’s why we can’t continue, Katsu-” she shook her head to remember her resolution- “when we’re together we depended on one another. I’m not me, you’re not you. And, when we try to be ourselves,” she whimpered at the memories, “we hurt each other.”

Bakugo was beyond embarrassed he was the only one crying- but him pride meant nothing when he was faced with the end of everything. He remembered exactly what she was talking about. All the fights, the compromises, the anger, the pain, the tears, all of it-- but wasn’t that just a testament to how strong their relationship is? “No, no you’re wrong.” He spoke loudly so the bustling street wouldn’t drown out his voice as much as his doubt drowned out his thoughts, “We’re meant to be together. Hell- we’re practically soulmates.”

“You did nothing wrong, Bakugo.”

His attention snapped back to her face- still clean of any emotion.

“You loved me so much, you were such a good boyfriend-”

“Then let me stay.”

Y/n could feel his desperation, feel the pain in his voice. It made her shutter, but she knew it was for the best. She could see it, see him with a nice girl who complimented him-- someone who never made him cry or breakdown. Someone good for him.

So, she shook her head. “You need to find someone else, Katuski.”

He protested, declaring his love for her. “You’re the only one for me, the only girl I want in my life. Nothing else, no one else.” He fixed his posture and looked composed, “We can do this. We can fix this.”

She bit harshly on her tongue. “I’m already gone, Katsuki.” 

He started- “What,” his voice cracked startled by the small smile that pulled on her lips like a guilty secret, “What do you mean?”

“Move on.” 

She disappeared and hopped out of her seat before he knew what had happened.

“Damnit!” He screamed, waving his arms around in hopes of touching her. He wasn’t sure how long ago she’d charmed his eyes, made him see things that weren’t as they were. How many things had happened while his eyes lied?

“Damnit, damnit, dammit!” Tears flowed down his face, making him scream from the pain and nausea as the nitroglycerin from the tears hit his eyes. “Don’t go!” He fell to his knees, punching the pavement. 

I’m so sorry, she wanted to say, but Y/n knew a single noise that didn’t comply with her forced delusion would break the illusion she constructed,  I’m so sorry, my love, my treasure, my soul’s mirror- my Katsu.

Y/n’s remaining family in Shinjuku didn’t question why she had an impromptu night at their house, nor did they address the sobbing from her room. They said nothing and asked no questions. Though some chalked it up as pro hero on the top ten list stress, a few recognized the look of heartbreak when they saw it.

She curled into a ball on her childhood bed, pink sheets tangled between her limbs as she starred emptily out the window towards the neon lights radiating from the streets. 

Goodbye Katsuki, a tear rolled from her left eye, across the ridge of her noes, and into her right, please understand. Please forgive me.

Y/n woke up in the morning, eyes swollen and cheeks flushed. She silently ate the breakfast prepared at the table. Breaking up with someone you still love is one of the most painful things she’d ever done, but she knew it was the only way. Y/n felt bad about many things, but she hoped, in time, she’d forgive herself for this. Forgive herself for wanting more than perpetual heartbreak and heartbreaking. She wanted better for herself, but really she wanted better for him. 

He deserved someone who never made him question his worth, someone who made him see things to love about himself, not someone who made him want to change into something he wasn’t. He needed someone who made him strong, not someone who crippled him. He needed an equal in love. She takes a sip of her too strong coffee, I just wish it could have been me.

Chains

B. Katsuki x Reader

S U M M A R Y:

Bakugo and Y/n had their chance in high school-- after one fight too many they decide that it’s just not worth the strain their relationship puts on them. Now, years later, Y/n is the number two hero in Japan behind Midoriya and comfortably ahead of Todoroki. Bakugo, number four, has since realized the mistake he made as a teen. Y/n’s in a long term relationship, adored by the citizens of Japan, and stronger than he ever had been. It’s only after one of his suit techs switches companies that he talks to her again for the first time in six years.

W A R N I N G S:  Harsh Language, Alcohol, Abuse, Toxic Relationships, Manipulation, Smut (Marked with an *), cheating, depression, and death.

M A S T E R L I S T

Time Stayed Still- (Coming Soon)

Like Coming Home- (Coming Soon)

Behind Closed Doors- (Coming Soon)

I Know You Don’t Love Me (Just Set Me Free)*- (Coming Soon)

Chained Down- (Coming Soon)

Falling Through The Cracks- (Coming Soon)

Take Me Hand (And I’ll Pull You Through)- (Coming Soon)

You Say I Lied (But It Was The Truth)- (Coming Soon)

Holding On (After All This Time)*- (Coming Soon)

When My Heart Beats (It’s Still For You)*-   (Coming Soon)

—Let me know if you’d like to join the series tag list!

"I crawl into bed only for once I am not alone. There is someone between these sheets with me- bare and beautiful but entirely unknown. This bed had only ever known myself and my friends, a pet or two, and a soft sort of sleepover. I crawl into it with someone else on the other side and it is entirely foreign to me, but at the very least it is still my bed; I don't know if I could see someones history so brazenly and still embrace all that I did not know. I wonder what the college experience meant to everyone else, and if they too have felt soiled by this thing we had too long idolized. I hope they have not, and it's all they've ever dreamed. Sleep has never been so cold."

-Pillow Talk Aik.

“I grasp my hair with fervor; for it is the only part of me I can touch and believe it belongs to someone else.”

Whenever I feel anxious (and boy that’s a lot of times) I picture my favourite characters in the same setting and imagine their reaction to the problem. A lot of these mini scenes actually work damn well.

For example if I need to talk to anyone that intimidates me, I picture Illumi walking up to that same person. Illumi doesn’t care. He doesn’t care if he wears a poker face or if he doesn’t get what people mean most of the time. He would reach them confidently despite not having the best communication skills and. Won’t. Care.

Other examples, I’m often scared to ask for help in shops. I picture Hisoka asking for help. He simply doesn’t care how awkward he probably is or how stupid his requests for bungee-gum in storage may sound. He’d just go for it.

Whenever I’m afraid my friends won’t take interest in what I have to say, I picture Hisoka ranting about the bungee gum properties. He doesn’t care if people hate it, he just brings up what makes him feel cool.

What I’m trying to say is, we love fictional characters when they’re successful and love them even more when they fail. Those qualities and defaults are what makes them interesting so you shouldn’t ever consider embodying perfection today or any day. Ever.

Loving Is Nothing

Fandom: Bnha, Mha Paring: Midoriya Izuku x Reader, Midoriya Izuku x Ochaco Uraraka Rating: G Warnings: Angst, Breakup Words: .6k97 A/N: A drabble for when he was your soulmate, but you weren’t his.

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this.”

Hearing him say it, Y/n almost forgave him. She smiled, putting a hand on his face to wipe the tears that started to fall from his eyes. “I know,”

It’s okay, she wanted to say, I understand. I forgive you. It’s not your fault. There’s no one to blame. She wanted to pull him in and ease away the pain he was in. She wanted to comfort him, but instead she dropped her hand from his skin. 

They sat across from each other in their favorite café, in the booth they shared their first kiss- the same place a nervous high school girl confesses her love to an awkward teenage boy. She smiled at the booth, so many memoires.

“I don’t know how to tell you how sorry I am,”

Her lips pressed together and her eyes heated with the tears she’d same until he was gone. Gingerly, she cupped his hands with her own- “There’s nothing to forgive.”

And that was it. The end of their story, the death of the love they once shared, the murder of the future which was being born in front of everyone’s eyes.

The media went into a frenzy, already having taken photos of a crying Y/n walking out of the café alone. After all, it’s not every day the top two hero's breakup. 

Honestly, it was much better than Y/n expected. The people were sympathetic, having watched the young couple grow up together and following their love story- some even felt like they were a part of the broken relationship. 

Deku and Uraraka stared dating exactly three months after the relationship ended- what Ochaco considered a generous mourning period for a loveless relationship. But there was love, bruised, broken, love, but love none the less.

Her tears every night are an offering to the life they could have lived, her dreams a testament to her devotion towards this fallen deity. Every cry of his name while she slept was a prayer, nothing could fill her heart from the apocalypse her faith brought her. 

Her first date was a year after the breakup. “I think you’re beautiful,” The man had told her- a gentle smile on his face as he pulled the chair out for her to sit.

“I want to see you again,” he smiled bashfully, as they walked out the restaurant.

“I really like you,” he admitted over a nighttime stroll, ice-cream in his hand.

“I always want to be by your side,” he whispered into her ear after she called him in the middle of the night, broken from the dream she had.

“I love you,” he smiled over the expensive cake in their go-to restaurant. 

“We’ll get through this,” he ran his finger over the back of her hand, after Y?n got involved in a accident during a mission.

“I can’t do this anymore.” He said over coffee in their apartment, his eyes out of focus as he blankly starred at the wall- having heard his love say a different mans name during her sleep. 

He broke up with her on their two year anniversary. Y/n wondered breifly, as she arrived home to see all of his belongings missing, if she was the broken one. She thought back on all the memories and wondered if she should be in pain right now. 

He had cried after he broke up with her. Should she have cried?

No matter how hard Y/n tried to feel sad about the end of their romance, she couldn’t. She had already met the love of her life- already had her epic romance, the relationship to test the tides of time. How do you love someone else after all that? She sat on the floor of her apartment for hours- legs falling asleep along witht he rest of the world. You can’t. There’s no one else after your soulmate. 

Once you lose the person you’re supposed to spend forever with, al love is empty. She spent all her butterflies on her first love, used up all she had to give. After him- after Izuku- loving is nothing. Not when she had him. Not when he’s gone.