Carmen Sandiego Incorrect Quotes - Tumblr Posts

Incorrect Quotes/Out Of Context for my CS AUs

Player, @ the VILE operatives: every time I talk to you fuckers I take ten psych damage

---

Tigress: player... what are you doing?

Player, flipping his sunglasses down while dumping chocolate syrup into a glass of milk: chocy milk helps the pain

--

Player, surrounded by VILE operatives while Carmen talks about the new job she got him: THIS IS FINE

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The Faculty: You think you can just steal from us and get away with it?!

Player and Roundabout: Yeah.

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Zack: hypothetically, if Player bit me, how long would it take for.me to bleed out?

Carmen: depends on where and how deep, why are you-

Carmen: ... this isnt hypothetical, is it?

Zack: ...

Carmen: Zack please tell me this is hypothetical...

Zack: ..

Carmen, sighing: where are you guys?

--

Player: I AM A WARRIOR! NIGHTBLOOD OF TRIKRU! I AM DESTINED TO BECOME THE NEXT-

Ivy: shut up lmao, your like twelve

--

Ivy: it's not the first time we've poisoned you!

Player: THAT DOESNT MAKE IT ANY BETTER!

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Carmen, while waiting for Player: *Gets mauled by children*

--

Shadowsan, sputtering: A- a descendant!?

Carmen: Yup! Player's my secret weapon... have you guys met before?

Descendant!Player, narrowing his eyes: Have we, ninja?

Shadowsan: *nervous sweating*

--

Roundabout @ Player: arent you tired of being nice? Dont you just wanna go apeshit?

Later in said AU

Player: *goes apeshit*

Roundabout: NO NONONONONO

--

The coyotes: GIVE THE DESCENDANTS BACK!

Carmen, standing behind like fifty half-mutant kids: I think you mean my * found family*

--

Iterator!Zari, tearfully: we... found out... Crackle's got the rot... badly.

Iterator!Player: *sipping his Starbucks* Sucks to suck, I guess

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Player: Can I come [platonically] cuddle with you guys?

Carmen: No, you're injured and need to heal properly, so nap in the bed-

Player: *puppy eyes*

Carmen: motherfuc-

--

Roundabout: So, can you do it?

Player, after thinking for a moment: If I say yes, what's going to keep you from killing me or my friends after I'm done?

Roundabout: Oh! Kid, you've got it all wrong. You see, if you do this, you'll prove to me that you're useful enough to keep around. If not...

Roundabout, deadpan: I definitely will kill you.

--

Carmen: So Roundabout basically looked at you and went "anybody gonna traumatizse this kid?" AND THEN DIDN'T WAIT FOR AN ANSWER!?

Player: That... about sums it up.

--

Roundabout, gesturing to Player: Look! I made a VILE Operative!

Carmen: No, you ruined a perfectly good hacker is what you did, look at him! He's got a crackle rod!

--

Roundabout: Listen, Player. THe faculty is powerful, but not all mighty. I can take them down... and all I need.. is a secret weapon.

Roundabout: And *your* going to be that weapon.

--

Player, @ Carmen and Roundabout: You guys know what I like about chess? Sometimes, Pawns kill Kings

Ivy: FU-

Carmen: THERE ARE CHILDREN HERE!

Ivy: *sighs* You're right...

Carmen: *walks past Player and puts her hands over Zack's ears*

Ivy: Oh! Thanks. As I was saying: FUCK-

More Out-Of-Context Quotes From My CS AUs

Sonia, walking into the mindscape: Damn bitch, you live like this?

--

Prime!Carmen, smirking: piecing things together. Aren't we, little one?

Player: *starts crying* 

Prime!Carmen: ... 

Prime!Carmen: awkward back pat 

-- Carmen: *insert trigedashling*

Prime!Player: .... 

Carmen: ... 

Prime!Player, who's SUPPOSED TO KNOW HIS NATIVE LANGUAGE: UHHH-

--

Tigress, gesturing to a wounded... everybody, and then Player: This is why you don't give a cockroach a gun

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Carmen: *Makes herself an artificial nightblood* 

Nightblood!Player: Poser.

--

Chief: How many royal bloods.... do you have? 

Carmen, slowly pushing Player behind her: JUST ME! TOTALLY JUST ME

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Player: Commanders don't run away! 

Carmen: Well it's a good thing your not a commander, ya little shit-

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Telepath: It's what you want, Player. 

Player: I want a nap, actually-

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Carmen, upon meeting Player IRL: Wait... you aren't one of those stereotypical orphans, are you? Player: Don't worry! I'm not!

Carmen: Oh thank go- 

Player: I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE PARENTS TO LOSE

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Player: Oh noooo we're breaking uppppp our signallllllll

Hive: I CAN SEE WHERE YOU ARE????? THAT ISN’T HOW THIS- 

Player: Oh nooooo we're going through a tunnel-

Hive: are you fucking kidding me

Tip: *snorts*

--

Tigress, teaching Player something: violence isnt the answer 

Tigress: it's a question 

Tigress: AND THE ANSWER IS ALWAYS YES 

Carmen: NO

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King, after being beat up by Player: well, well, well, if it isnt the consequences of my own actions

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Nymeria, @ Player: your friends are gnc af 

Ivy: YOU ARE LITERALLY JUST HERE TO HELP US GET DRESSED STFU

--

Tigress: Hey, what'd you buy? 

Player, snickering: *hands her a lil container of catnip* 

Tigress: ... 

--

Out-Of-Context Quotes From My CS AUs (PT.3)

Mainly Player

--

Iterator!Player: Carmen! Look! I adopted two slugcats!

Iterator!Carmen: ... you... they're trying to eat your cables, Player.

Iterator!Player, gently holding the slugcat siblings: I love them, Carmen.

--

Tigress: Yeah, he got sick, I don't know why, but I think it's ba-

Carmen, touching her earpiece: Tigress isn't lying, Player's here-

Ivy and Zack: *explode into the room from out of nowhere*

Tigress: WHAT THE FUCK

--

Nightblood!Player: I hate you, and everything you stand for.

Chief, patting him on the head: That's nice, honey.

--

Three dudes: If we team up, We can take care of the nightblood together!

Player, who's immune to the acid rain: ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT

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Carmen: stop going easy on me!

Player, clearly struggling: I'm not going easy! I'm just bad with a sword!

--

Carmen: your better then this!

Player: well, you've got like ten more years of training on me, so I'm actually doing pretty good-

Carmen: I meant going against VILE! You're better then that!

Player: I'm really not.

--

Ivy: And.. I'm so worried about my brother, y'know? Because without the money-

Carmen: *instantly becoming x1000 softer*

Carmen: How would you like a job with me?

--

Two: Let me get this straight; our children, NONE OF WHOM ARE EVEN EIGHTEEN, are all alone out there?

Carmen: Don't.. forget about the fact that they have to save us, and not the other way around.

Rapunzel: Oh god! They're probably so scared, and worried, and-

Meanwhile

The children in question: *Are battling their fears, singing songs together, bonding, and saving the world*

--

Carmen, grabbing Nightblood!Player: you cant compete in the conclave! You dont stand a chance against coach-

Nightblood!Player: Fos kom Ogeda: jok Yu, Yu deranged ostrich!

Carmen: did you just... call me a deranged ostrich?

--

Player, after throwing up because he's sick: I'm s-

Tigress: If the next word out of your mouth is 'sorry' I will scream

--

Hive: I would like you to join me-

Player, who just got kidnapped by VILE, learned Julia got kidnapped, too, and has now been kidnapped by Mutants and forcefully dragged to the one place he hates the most: CAN I PLEASE JUST TAKE A NAP FIRST!?

--

Hive: Sorry for the... unorthodox delivery system-

Player, who just got carried by his hood like a kitten for several dozen miles: Ah, it's fine, IT'S NOT LIKE I WAS REPEATEDLY SMACKED AGAINST THE CONCRETE OR ANYTHING-

--

Ivy, clambering over Zack to get to Vampire!Player: PLAYER! PLAYER!

Carmen: woah, okay, calm down guys. What's wrong?

Ivy: we need to know!

Zack: do vampires bite and then suck the blood out with their mouth? Or are their teeth just like straws?

Carmen: ... that is a valid question. Player?

Player:

Ivy, under her breath: the silence is damming

--

Player: YOU GUYS CANT HOLD ME HOSTAGE

Animal!TR, who are currently using different methods to flop on him: ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT

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Ivy: Alright, which one of you gave Player knife hands???

Tigress: I did, he said he felt scared.

Ivy: WELL NOW I FEEL SCARED!

Tigress: Oh.. I'm sorry.... would you like knife hands too?

Carmen, casually throwing her arm around Player's shoulder: Hey, how'd you like to be adopted?

Carmen: I wasn't that drunk!

Ivy: You tried to use a highlighter on Player's face

Player: You said it was 'because I'm important'

Carmen: BUT YOU ARE!

(brief mention of a robot committing unalive)

Evil!Player: Alexa... commit self-destruct...

Carmen, tied up: I- I don't think it can do that

Evil!Player, with a defeated sigh: It's 2019... and it can't even blow itself UP!?

Evil!Player, throwing the Alexa: FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT-

Carmen, arriving at McDonalds: alright! What do you want, Player?

Player: ah... it's okay, I didnt bring any money-

Carmen: did I ask you if you brought money?

Player: n-no?

Carmen: Exactly. Now, what do you want?

Player, in tears (/pos): chimken nuggets...

Shadowsan: why do you have a knife?

Carmen: I complimented Player and he nearly started crying so I'm going to go fist fight his dad in a denny's parking lot at 3 am

Villain!Player: huh... I didnt realize that's all it'd take for you to help me. I kind of feel bad about Plan B now

Carmen: wh-whats plan b?

Player, sheepishly: I may have kidnapped the siblings-

Carmen: PLAYER!

Player: BUT THEYRE ALL SAFE AND HAPPY AND FINE!

Ivy: werewolves are fucking dorks

Ivy, gesturing to werewolf!Carmen: Look at her! She's trying to eat the table!

Player: doctor! I keep busting a move whenever someone has a bad opinion!

Bellum: dont worry! We'll fix you right up. In the mean time, let's talk about how Carmen Sandiego betrayed her family-

Player: DOCTOR ITS HAPPENING AGAIN!

--

Player: Doctor! I keep busting a move whenver someone has a bad opinion!

Julia: Don't worry! We'll fix you right up. In the mean time, let's talk about how minecraft is a genuinely good game and deserves more recognition!!

Player: DOCTOR! I AM STAYING STILL.

Ivy: I mean, I could google my questions about geography, but on the other hand I could text my little brother the simple statement "I wanna know about (country name)" and I'll get a fifteen paragraph in detail explanation about whatever place I want.

Ivy: that 16 year old is my most trusted source and he gets to infodump. Win win!

A VILE op wearing a mask and holding Player: ha! Carmen Sandiego, I have stolen your teammate and to free him, you must-!

Carmen: Sonia, what did I tell you about holding your little brother hostage?

Sonia, begrudgingly setting Player down: not to...

Ivy: Hey, do you know where the car keys are?

Player: I live in canada! Why ask me?

Ivy: You know where things are!

player: Fine. Check the fridge

Ivy, while opening the fridge anyway: Player, it wouldn't be- WHAT THE FUCK

Deavineaux: we're going to arrest you for hacking into our government databases-

Player: umm??? I'm literally neurodivergent and a minor?

Player, @ Carmen after Ivy and Zack join the team: you need to slowly introduce me to them or I'll get scared and start biting like a raccoon.

Tigress, trying to negotiate her freedom with Carmen: I mean... sick offer but I kinda kicked your asses two years ago, and, I mean, if I couldn't beat them, could yo-

Tigress, grinning: WAIT! Do you still have that really sassy twelve-year-old?

Carmen, after not hearing from Player for a few days: Heya! It's nice to know you aren't dead in an alleyway!

Player, who just woke up to her calling: Same to you???

*While visiting Player*

Zack: Hey, what state are we in?

Player: I want you to look me in the eyes and repeat what you just said.