Christmas Love - Tumblr Posts
#52 Playing the Intermediary Part 3 (Harry Styles)
Sorry for the delay! It’s long so I hope it makes up for the wait!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
SUMMARY: Where Y/N plays the intermediary in a breakup and is stuck with the ex-boyfriend.
Part 1, Part 2
—
“I don’t want to love a love like yours.”
“I don’t feel too well,” I said, after a few minutes of silence. “My head’s spinning too fast.” I almost fell on him.
“Okay, okay, here sit down,” Harry made me sit down on the bench.
“No, no I think, I want to go home now,” I stumbled onto him and he caught me.
The next I remember is waking up in my room. I was still in my dress which now had my one boob popping out. I groaned, getting out of my head, noticing the medicine and the glass of water kept on the nightstand.
I hope you feel better. H.
This was nice of him. Did he bring me back? I walked to the kitchen, stopping when I saw a half-naked man cooking food. I picked up the vase on the side almost as an instinct, as I walked forward.
“Oh hey, you’re up!” He turned around. Harry.
“What are you doing here?” I shouted, and then held my head because of the pain.
“Cooking us breakfast,” He shrugged. I gave him a look. “What? No, thank you? It was some effort carrying you back home. You didn’t expect me to leave and look for a cab at 3 am, did you?”
“Thank you,” I was grateful that I was back home safe.
“You’ve a nice place here,” He complimented and took out two plates.He had made eggs and bacon. He even had the coffee ready. “Did you have your medicine?”
“Yeah, umm, thanks, it belongs to my aunt.”
“This studio? Why does she own studios?” He asked.
“Umm, she had bought it for her daughter, but she, umm she passed away so, she gave it to me since, I was studying here as well. It is difficult to find a place here anyway. I’m fortunate,” I told him. Why did I have to tell him such details?
“You definitely are, it’s a beautiful place, and in the centre. Where do your parents live?” He asked.
“The food looks nice,” I changed the topic. “Thanks for making it.”
I think he got the clue and didn’t push it, “There you go, you have all your supplies ready. It was easy.”
“I like taking care of myself,” I smiled. “Where’s your shirt?” Not that I minded. He was a little too sexy to keep it all covered, and the attraction level for me was at an all-time high. I couldn’t say the same for him.
“Oh, it got wet in the rain. It still is wet.”
I got up and went to a room to take some large sized T-shirt out that I had bought for comfort clothes. “Wear this.”
“Thanks, your boyfriends?”
“I told you, I have never had a boyfriend,” I took a bite of my food. I moaned, “This is so good!” Harry laughed. “So, what did you mean about helping you?” I asked.
“Let it be, I don’t know what I was thinking,” he shook his head.
“No, tell me. You’ve made me feel guilty enough,” I said.
“Don’t you think you should feel that?” His eyes changed. He became so different when he was angry. “You take out the worst in me.” He picked up his plate and started washing it.
“I’m sorry that your heart is broken. But, I really didn’t break it. For the longest time, I knew her, she has never said anything positive about you. Ever. When I first saw you, I kept thinking that there should be something rotten about you which she hated. I still can’t figure it out. But, she detested being with you. I didn’t like seeing her that way, and so I helped her. I thought it was the right thing to do at that time. I thought I was saving both of you…”
“Who are you to save us?” He shouted. I took a step back.
“What do you want me to do now?” I asked, tears falling from my eyes.
“You thought there was something wrong with me? He asked turning around, his hands still clutching the table.
“There had to be, why would you run away from someone who loves you that much?” I thought, “But, maybe it was because you guys didn’t fit. You can now move on, and find your girl!”
“You know, do me a favour and don’t advise me. You cost me a relationship with a girl I wanted to marry. I think I have had enough.” He said, wiping his hands.
“Maybe you should stop blaming me and blame yourself and your girlfriend for having a relationship of hate and disgust. Fine, I am sorry that it was my voice that hurt you, but it was your girlfriend that ended it. It is the girl who you want to marry who danced and rejoiced after she broke your heart,” I took a step towards him with every line. He couldn’t take me as the one at fault. “She constantly cheated on you, started dating other men, almost instantly after she broke up. Said that you were controlling and the worst relationship she has ever had, and worse, Harry. I am sorry if that is the girl you love, but don’t blame me for being a horrible boyfriend that made the love of his life hate him as much as she wished you’d die!” I covered my mouth with my hand instantly. He was not supposed to know this. What have I done?
I saw a tear fall out of his eyes, and my heart shattered into pieces. First, it was this physical calling that I couldn’t get out my mind whenever he was near me, and now this. I instantly wrapped my hands around him and hugged him tightly. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I shouldn’t have said this to him. It was like holding a rock, cause he didn’t move. I apologized profusely, into his chest, told him that I didn’t mean it, this he wasn’t supposed to know. I repeated I’m sorry again and again.
Time passed, and then I felt his hands wrap around me to only push me away. “Don’t.” That was all he said before he collected his things and left.
—-
I didn’t talk to Harry for the next entire month. It was getting hard for me because against all my rational thinking, my heart had developed a crush on him. He was everything I admired about a guy put into one. It was a joke on me. Not being in a relationship ever, and then finally finding someone I admired at every step was horrible, especially when he used to turn around and walk away whenever he saw me.
I was at an art exhibition today. He was studying Media and Management, but he was an artist on the side, and his work was up today. We had common friends, and he had invited them. I paid for my ticket. I tried to look as pretty as I could. I knew his standards were high, and he never saw me. I was a lovesick idiot who hoped against all my beliefs that this would never work out.
Keeping to myself, I looked at the all the artists, slowly making my way to his work. It was a portrait of a girl sleeping. What shocked me was that it looked so much like me from that night, and then not. The dress was similar, and she was half covered with the blanket wrapped around her. I felt invaded, I felt heartbroken because he wasn’t showing any beauty in this. I walked to the next one. It was a girl sitting with a pile of books in what seemed like a cafe. She had my specs, she had my tattoo, she looked like a sick version of me. I saw the third, the last one. It was an image of a girl, looking as if she was getting off, on a log of wood. It was the worst. She was holding a knife that she had plunged into the wood. The work was called “heartless”.
I took a step back. Is this what he thought of me? This was me. It was no doubt. He must have seen my tattoo, and he had clearly used it. If there was any other sign, I would have believed otherwise. He projected the entire hatred he should be feeling for his girlfriend on me. My heart broke into pieces and tears fell down from my eyes. Wrapping my palm around my mouth, and my hand on my stomach, I tried to calm down. I had always been emotional, so connected and this broke me. I turned around and saw him standing in a suit with his hands in his pocket, his face blank, just looking at me. My hands fell down defeated, and I ran away.
—-
I felt sick. I had never had anyone hate me like this before. And, to be hated by the guy I really liked crushed me. Sara didn’t have anything to say. She told me that after I had told her about his work, she contacted him. And he replied with,
Not everything is about you. Anyway, you mean nothing to me.
At this moment, I felt nothing for Sara. She seemed hurt and, it really didn’t matter anymore. I don’t know if it was her being selfish, or him being irrational, but I had had enough, and I needed to step away from this duo. This time it was me who was running away from him in the corridors. I was hanging with a different set of group, trying to at least not take his friends away. My heart was broken, and I didn’t want anything to do with him or his issues.
The time I couldn’t ignore was when our common friend, Matthew threw his birthday party. I tried keeping away most of the time, trying to get drunk and talk to other guys, trying to Chanel some part of myself which could be attractive. I was suddenly, pulled in a game that I didn’t know, and I sat down lost, as the bottle rotated in front of me and it stopping between Harry and I. Everyone cheered, and Harry rolled his eyes. I was confused. What was happening? He crawled on his knees cutting the circle, as my eyes met his. Before I could turn away, his hands held my face and his lips were on mine. I couldn’t react. It was my first kiss. I didn’t want it to happen this way. I didn’t want him to have it. His power on me, made me respond and he put his tongue in as people cheered and shouted. It was then I pushed him away. I knew I looked bewildered, and he looked at me like, “what is the big deal?”
I could cry, I think I was crying. I got up, and walked away, pushing through the crowd as I heard my friends call me. I quickly booked a cab and stood in front of the gate. “Five mins, just five mins,” I whispered to myself.
“What the fuck happened?” I heard his voice, and a chill went down my spine. I turned around, knowing my makeup was all wet. His eyes seemed greener under the lights. I didn’t respond, and I turned around, trying to check how far the cab was now. “You made a scene back there, I deserve to know the issue since I was the one kissing. And, I am definitely not a horrible kisser.” He almost laughed.
“You are not. Is that enough for your ego? You can go now,” I said, trying to control my shivering.
“What’s wrong Y/N?” He asked again, trying to make me turn around. He pulled harshly the second time and, I yelled.
“It was my first kiss, you fucking asshole!”
“What?”
“And, no! I didn’t want it to be in a party, in a game, in front of people treating it as a joke with a guy who thinks I get off at hurting people!”
Harry came forward, “That’s not what I was trying to show-“
“I don’t care. I have never felt so invalid, worthless, and pathetic as you made me feel. You could have just written my name along with it because everyone knows it’s me. Everyone who has seen my tattoo knows that I am a sick human being who hurt you, while your pathetic girlfriend can go scot free. You are just using me because I am here to take your anger! You are screwed up!” I hit his chest, “You win! I get it I am horrible and ugly and pathetic and just wrong, and I don’t have any right to help people because I have never been loved. Not by parents, not by my friends, and it will never be by the guy I liked because he sees me as sick and disgusting. I saw it, and you win! Are you happy to see me as miserable as you?”
“Madame, did you order a cab?” The driver cuts us off, and I turned around.
“Yes, thank you,” I opened the car door, and turned to look at him. He was just staring at me. I shook my head and sat inside, asking the person to drive.
—
Request for Part 4? Please send some ideas? What you think about the Harry and Y/N? Who do you guys think is in the wrong? I need help with the plot a bit.
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É arrivata la cometa
"Christmas love stay in my heart for a long time"
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christmas love’s theme of remembering the feeling of youth and being free from responsibilities complements so well with inner child with how it tells its past self that he’s going to change to be like that again… vmin eternal soulmates truly
jimin saying he wrote christmas love as a way of remembering a happy memory from his childhood and that he wants to share it with us through this difficult times… that’s true love right there
201224 Jimin’s letter to ARMY regarding his newly released track, “Christmas Love”
아미 여러분 안녕하세요 지민입니다. 크리스마스 선물은 잘 받으셨나요? 여러분에게 꼭 들려드리고 싶었는데 다행히 들려드릴 수 있게 되어서 정말 정말 기쁩니다. 오늘 이렇게 제가 찾아온 건 지금 이런 힘든 상황에 갑자기 이렇게 밝은 곡을 들려드리게 된 이유, 그 이유에 대해 조금 알려드리고 싶어서 찾아왔어요. 곡 내용을 보면 아시겠지만 이 곡은 제가 기억하는 어릴 적 추억 중 제가 좋아하는 눈이 펑펑 내리는 장면을 처음 보았을 때의 감정을 담아서 노래하고 있습니다.
우리는 성장하면서 어렸을 적을 참 많이 그리워하게 되는 것 같아요.
그게 지금 상황이든 아니든 철없고 때 묻지 않은 순수한 우리들을 많이 기억하고 그 때로 돌아가고 싶어한다고 생각했어요. 성장하게 되면서 가지는 무언가의 책임감, 그 책임감이 순수했던 우리를 철들게 하고 조금은 우리의 감정을 숨기게 하는 게 아닌가 생각을 했습니다. 하지만 아직도 우리는 그러한 감정을 가지고 있다고 생각합니다. 그러니 한 번쯤은 유치하지만 그런 감정을 표현해 보는 것은 어떨까요? 저는 그 하루가 오늘이 되면 좋겠다는 생각을 했습니다.
여러분 모두는 언제나 사랑받아 마땅한 사람들입니다. 그러니 흔히들 표현하는 오글거린다는 말보다는 조금은 쑥스러워도 모두가 같이 즐길 수 있는 상황이 왔으면 좋겠습니다. 뭔가 거창하게 쓴 것에 비해 한참 모자란 곡이지만 여러분 모두가 행복한 사람이었으면 좋겠다는 소망 하나로 열심히 만들게 되었습니다. 곡 듣고 조금이나마 여러분들이 추억하는 예전으로 잠시 돌아갈 수 있었으면 좋겠습니다.
Hello ARMY, this is Jimin. Did you receive your Christmas present well? This is a song I really wanted to have you all hear, and thankfully an opportunity to make that happen arose so I’m really really happy. The reason I’m visiting you all like this today is because I wanted to tell you a bit about the reason behind me releasing a bright song like this during such troubled times. You’ll know once you read the lyrics but I’m singing the emotions I felt from one of my favorite childhood memories–me seeing heavy snowfall for the first time.
I think as we grow, we begin to really long for our younger years.
Whether that’s our current situation or not, I’ve been remembering and wanting to go back to the days when we were immature, untainted by life, naive, pure. As we have grown older, we have also developed a sense of responsibility, and that sense of responsibility makes our once naive selves mature, and I wonder if it causes us to begin concealing our feelings a little. However, I think those feelings are still within us so, even though it is childish, how about we express those feelings once in a while? I thought it would be nice if that “once in a while” was today.
You all are always worthy of and deserve to be loved. So, instead of describing it as “cringe” as it so often is, I hope a time comes when we can all enjoy it together, even though it might be a bit embarrassing. Though this song falls extremely short in comparison to the grandiose intentions with which it was written, it is a song I wrote with one hope in mind–that you are all happy people. I would like if you all listened to this song and were transported to a time in your memories, for even just a little bit.
Trans cr: Amy @ bts-twts © Please credit when taking out
6/24 days of Face: Jimin in hard(ware) vs soft(ware) mode.
Okay, there's no such thing as hard vs soft versions of 'Christmas Love' and 'Promise'. These two songs are just soft, soft, soft. I had to include this in my "24 days" set since it's meant to be a countdown for Face.
A few years ago, Jimin gifted his fans these two songs on Soundcloud and they will finally be available on Spotify on 3/6 2PM KST/12 AM EST, and 3/5 9PM PST.
I can finally add Promise to all my coffee/study/chill playlists. I love it so much. It's my comfort song. 😭
Domination. This isn't even his new album. This is Jimin's world and we're just living in it 🥲