Crippling Self Doubt - Tumblr Posts

Four years ago I was struggling with my mental health. I was having difficulty getting out of bed and going to work. This problem was compounded because I was running my own business at the time. In other words I wasn't really making any money because I wasn't making it out the door and didn't have anything like unemployment to fall back on.

This was unacceptable to him. I was being "stupid and lazy" and so I did what I thought I needed to do. I went to my doctor and told he i was struggling. She gave me a script.

I decided I should inform him before taking it; my doctor had advised that there were side effects that may affect him.

He flipped. He screamed that he had no interest in being with a psychologically inept woman . If I wanted to be a useless shell of a human being to at least get myself lobotomized and give him the satisfaction of having a slave.

He asked why I was so weak. Why I thought I could use a mental illness as an excuse for being useless. It was an insult to people with actual problems.

I got rid of the pills. And rejected the opportunity to get my head in order. I just sunk deeper into despair and hated myself for not being better.

I believed what he said about me. Just lazy and weak willed.

To those who have been following my fic antics, I got hit with ✨crippling self doubt✨ and therefore work on the chapter has been paused! I anticipate releasing it within the next week though! Thank you for understanding :)