Depressing Love Quotes - Tumblr Posts
Leave Me Be ( Former Steve Rogers x Reader ; Bucky x reader)
Hello people of Tumblr ! I’m Hazel and i’ve been a tumblr user for quite awhile, but i’ve decide to give it a try and post some content. I’ve always love letting my imaginations run wild and then pour them into stories. If not these imaginations can sometimes shift into noises. So this is my first original post and my story. i hope you enjoy and love my idea as much as i do. However, you don’t have to be mean if you don’t like. If you like this story and want me to continue, please please please don’t be shy and feel free to reach out to me because i love connecting with those who enjoy and share the same idea/ content as i do. I was planning on turning this story into many chapters and post them on Wattpad.
The reason i poured this idea into story is because as silly as it sounds i haven’t been able to move on from Avengers: End Game since Captain America: The Winter Soldier. I love Steve Rogers, I felt in love with him since Captain America : The First Avenger so when i watched End Game in theatre, i was utterly emotional when Steve didn’t come back, and i had to restrain myself from crying. Crying because why threw his friendship and team under the bus just to save his best friend but then eventually left him and also happy that he’d finally get his own happily ever after that he’d been yearning for.
So i decided what if during those years when Steve lived in the present days, he had a long term relationship but left her because of the fairytale he had always wanted. I know i made it sounds like Steve is very selfish but i’m trying to work with the original story line. I mean where’s the fun in changing the story aight? And also this bish right here is a sucker for hopeless romantic and angsty angst. So if you are like me, i welcome you with open arms :) Personally, i think this is a more realistic reaction towards the situation and i tried to put myself in her shoes and imagine how i’d react when someone i trust with all my heart for so many years leave me just like that. PLEASE DON’T BE MEAN IF YOU DON’T LIKE THIS.
UPDATE : Chapter 2 has finally been released. XOXO, Hazel.
Disclaimer: Very angst ( for the author, but maybe not for y’all readers out there); horrible grammatical error. English is definitely not my first language
Characters: Former Stever Rogers x Reader ; Bucky x reader
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Words can’t even describe the ache and the feeling of emptiness in my heart. The sound of rain pitter patter fail to soothe my aching soul and mind. Hands holding the book whilst staring down and eyes scanning at the same sentence repeatedly and still incapable of fathoming it. My mind is fully occupied with all the memories I have spent with him but can’t cease replaying the same scene again.. and again..
First day of everything is always nerve wrecking whether it be school, college, and work…
Groaning internally, today happens to be both, first day of university AND work…
Just my luck...
Both hands trying to balance out the tray which hold beverages that were filled full to the brim. Sighing in annoyance and wondering to myself why on earth they always have to fill it to the brim considering there might be some little spillage and causing nuisance to both customer and the waitress. Maneuvering myself through tables whilst trying to poise the tray. Eyes scouring from one table to another while delivering the refreshments to the designated customers and caught on a sight of a particular man who didn’t seem to belong in this period. His appearance, body language and style were considerably outdated.. Hmm.. That’s a tad too harsh I guess, maybe old-fashioned to say the very least. Adorning in white and brown checkered shirt, covered by a seemingly vintage reddish brown leather jacket, sandy blonde hair parted to the side. Or maybe he was just a vintage avid.
Catching brief glimpses of his face every now and then, when he looked up from his sketch book, he turned out to be a very decent looking man regardless of his outdated fashion. A pair of nicely groomed eyebrow, high nose bridge, prominent and sturdy jawline, and an irresistible pink plump lips. Wrinkles formed between his eyebrows indicating that he was fully engrossed in his sketch.
Walking towards the beverage counter to replace the tray with coffee pitcher to offer refill and my eyes instantly felt upon the table that was occupied by the blonde man considering his coffee mug was desperately in need of refill. However, he seemed to be very oblivious of it. I decided to approach his table.
“Hello sir, would you like me to refill your coffee? “
“Oh! Erhm… sure”, he looked up from his sketch book briefly and etched on the paper was the realistic looking café and vicinity from his outlook.
I couldn’t help but interrupted his train of thought, “that’s a wonderful sketch you did there sir...”
Then he looked up to me, smiled sheepishly and said “erhm.. Thanks, I guess it helps me familiarize with the place. I’m quite new to the area.”
I felt bad for prying even though I didn’t mean to, so I apologized.
“I’m sorry… didn’t mean to pry on your work.”
Then I made the biggest mistake of looking into that pair of ocean blue eyes. There was laced with lost beneath those warm blue eyes as if a part of him was missing.
Those blue eyes…
Those blue eyes feels like home.
It felt like home for 8 years…
Whenever I am feeling low, I look into those eyes and I’d feel at ease.
Now staring into the glass window, I see fat droplets of rain drop sliding down the glass but that perspective gradually distorted into my own reflection. My own pair of eyes staring back at myself. Cold, void, broken and utterly lost. Tears gliding down my cheeks and slowly turning into sobs. How dare he just leave me behind after those 8 years we have been through together and move on with a past phantom whom he came across when collecting those stones. Those 8 years relationships are gone, just like that. Just the thought of that triggers my mind even more. Shoulder shudders from failing to muffle my own cry.
A week has gone by and I am still struggling to get my own shit together…
Shit…
Even such word reminds me so much of him. The thought of saying that word out loud makes me chortle darkly, Steve never fails to retort to those who swear like drunken sailors including me, not that I swear a lot but sometimes it’s more of a force of habit per se. He would always give me the disapproving look with a glint of mischief within those ocean blue eyes whenever those words chortled out of my lips.
A week after Steve left his shits behind, everyone seems to find a way to move on as time passes, everyone but me … and Bucky, his best friend since childhood.
The one he promised till the end of the line…
The one he saved while throwing friendships and teamwork under the bus just so he could save his god damn so called best friend since childhood.
After all those sacrifices he made, he left Bucky just like that.
It boils my blood just the thought it. Even with all those horrendous experiences Bucky had gone through, he handled them surprisingly well. Much better than me. I thought to myself that maybe he’d gotten used to such harsh predicament and reality…
Drying my tears with the edge of my, his, dark blue oversized cardigan sleeve. Head pounding from straining too much tears. Forcing my legs to stand and stripping myself to only thin camisole and panties. Laying upon the cold king size bed in a fetal position, back facing his side of the bed and facing the huge glass window staring into the void.
The feeling of cold, empty bed somehow bring me into tears again. Whimpers slowly turned into chocked sobs … then eventually giving in and bawling my eyes out, heart continues to wrench and shrivel.
Recalling back to those moments where everyone would throw me pity smiles, empathy hugs when walking past them. Clint, the ever wonderful man, offered me to move in with his family because he knew how it felt to lose your other half. But I turned down considering it would be fiddly to live under the same roof with a wholesome family and constantly feeling like a burden to them.
Eventually Bruce encouraged Bucky to move in with me considering Bucky happened to not have a place to stay after he was tracked down and constantly being on the run with Steve and Sam when he was accused of taking the live of the late Wakandan King and being hunted down. Bruce figured we would try to help each other to heal or at least ease the pain considering we were very close to Steve. I wanted to declined, because even looking at Bucky painfully reminds me so much of Steve. But I didn’t have the guts to do so, unlike him. So I agreed half-heartedly and tried to move on.
I didn’t even bother to budge when I heard the soft creaking of door opening, knowing fully well who it is. Heart wrenching sobs slowly subsiding into mere whimper. Footsteps softly padded towards the bed, then the bed dipping next to me. Bucky’s human arm carefully and protectively enclosed over my waist, chin rested upon my head, chest pressed against my back, his umpteen attempts within this week trying to soothe my gnawing pain in my heart.
“H-h-he’s not coming back, is he? Did that prick even try second guessing his decisions?” I whispered, still trying to muster up all the strength that’s left in every fibre of my body, tears wetting my pillow.
“I’m sorry, Doll… “
Doll… even the pet name reminded me of Steve, he would sometimes call me Doll, but Sweetheart more often than not.
“I tried talking some sense into him, but he was very adamant of his decision. That punk…I’m really sorry…” he murmured softly, his voice tinted with despair.
“Doll… tell me what to do… I can’t bear seeing you breaking apart like this and I am running out of ways to numb your pain…” nose buried in my hair, inhaling while tightening his hold over my miniscule body.
A pregnant pause lingered before sucking in as much air as if my life depends on it whilst sniffling.
“I wish I never even met him… If I never knew him, none of this would happen and I wouldn’t be weeping like crazy weakling… Sometimes I wish I was one of you guys, one of the Avengers team, so my mind doesn’t have to constantly wonder off and compare myself with Peggy every night when I sleep next to Steve in this very bed...”
“Doll… don’t-“
“I knew this would happen from the beginning when he told me about the time heist excursion, trekking down the past. And I was right… Sometimes I would caught him by accident looking at Peggy’s picture that’s tucked in his compass but I was trying to be a good partner, so I remained silent, pretended it didn’t happen and dismissed it. But it happened more often when it’s nearing the time travelling mission, as if he was hoping …expectantly… “sighing hopelessly as grief and anger slowly consumed my thought, my voice quivering while tears started to form again, blurring my sight. And so I continued to ramble while Bucky continued to listen attentively.
“I mean who wouldn’t want to be with Peggy? I am certain she such a strong woman in her time, I guess your time as well. Working alongside the opposite gender in the army when female were scrutinized even for voicing their own opinions at that time. One time I tried to beg Tony into recruiting me as part of the team while Steve was at a mission in D.C after I learnt about Peggy …because I know he would be against it and disappointed in me for thinking such way. Alas, Tony hesitantly dismissed me, saying it wasn’t his place to make the decision considering Steve was the Head of the team, the Captain. And he also said Steve would love me regardless of my status as a civilian. I refused to believe him, but what options did I have? Nick Fury would never take me seriously, thinking that it might be merely silly infatuation over Captain America and wouldn’t take matter seriously in the long run. So I thought why not give it a rest for a year or two and maybe eventually I’ll forget about it considering I was only 21, freshly graduated from university a year earlier with a GPA of cum laude, very optimistic with the future laid ahead of me. I figured if I couldn’t be as strong as Peggy maybe I could be smarter than her, so at least I have something to pride on.” My face broke into bitter smile while reminiscing the memory.
“I was 18 when I first met Steve. Freshly graduated from high school and went straight to university. I was such an optimistic kid, head filled with high hopes and dreams. I started working at a local coffee shop in New York on my first day of university, that’s where I met Steve. The way he look at his surrounding with those blue eyes studying his vicinity was very adorable… like a lost puppy. After that encounter, we remained friends … and then close friends… because we decided I was too young for anything other than friendship. So we kept our friendship tight for 2 years. By the time I reached 20, I was eager to be more than friends, I’d constantly left subtle hints here and there, and eventually he got the clue but he insisted he was not the right man for me. He said I was young, beautiful and pure why go for a man like him. I practically burst into tears right then and there due to the rejection and humiliation, so I begged him to at least give me a chance… to prove him wrong…That jerk left me hanging for a week then came back banging on my door in the middle of the night while I was studying for finals, looking like lost puppy with those big blue eyes begging for forgiveness for giving me the cold shoulder.” I chuckled grimly.
“I was so annoyed, angry and ready to give him the boot, but how could I say no to those blue eyes looking like a lost sick puppy. He finally decided to give it a shot and said he did feel the same way from the very beginning ever since we grew closer but had to restrain himself from doing so because he thought it was inappropriate for an old man to chase after a much younger woman. But I didn’t care, I swear I was over moon that day… I couldn’t even focus on my study anymore. Sometimes I wondered to myself whether I coerced him into this relationship or…”
“Doll… stop thinking such way… stop thinking so low of yourself…” Bucky interrupted.
“But…”
“He wouldn’t be coming looking for you in the MIDDLE of the night for nothing… Trust me on this one, doll. I’ve known him since childhood, even better than himself… I’m sure he loved you and just needed a little push, maybe he didn’t feel confident at that time. He could be very self-conscious at times considering of his past self and constant rejection from women…”
The more I walked down the memory lane, the more painful I felt, heart twisted and wrenched.
“H-h-how…how did you deal with it? “
“Deal with what, Doll?”
“The feeling of being given false hope, disappointment… that he promised to be with you till the end of the line…”
“It’s… upsetting.” Bucky hesitated, worry that he might worsen the situation if he continued so he just remain and basking in the silence.
“I think of ending my life sometimes… because I’d rather die than living but suffering a gut-wrenching heartache in a long term…”
“No, Doll. Please don’t…” Bucky shushed in my ear, his embrace tighten even more, cheek pressed against my head.
“I-i-i-it h-h-h-urts, Buck… it hurts…He’s my first love, first kiss and…” my shoulders began to shake, eventually my whole body shuddered from chocking sobs.
“I know, Doll. But I promise you’ll get through it, I promise to be with you every step of the way. We will get through it. I am not going anywhere. I am not going to walk out this door, not until you kick me out because you’re so sick of looking at my face. You have my word, Doll. I am staying.” Bucky tried lulling me to sleep.
I couldn’t care less about anything. The sound of harsh rain was the only thing I could pay attention to, ironically it matched my mood, the more my heart felt torn, the heavier it rained…
Chocking sobs gradually dispersed into soft whimpers. My eyes were heavy, I felt my breath gotten shallow. Eventually, darkness engulfed my sight. Hoping that I would wake up from this nightmare.
Next >>> Chapter 2