Steve Rogers Angst - Tumblr Posts

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one more

-> ari caught you doing something you shouldn't be doing

an | first smut in a long time. phew. giant brain rot. soft + sexy + dominant ari???? IM WEAK

warnings | NSFW. MINORS STAY AWAY. vibrating wand. daddy kink. sweetheart/honey petnames. soft ari— i just think that ari- in general- needs a warning. overstimulation. a tinge of orgasm denial but its so tiny its barely there.

---

"Oh no, sweetheart." Ari tuts when you writhe against his grip, your thighs jerking together to get away from the strong vibrations against your clit. "You wanted to cum so bad, didn't you? Daddy's helping you, honey."

You're breathless, chest heaving and clit throbbing from all the orgasms Ari's forced out of you in the past hour. He pries your thighs apart, his jean cladded thighs slipping in between yours to keep your legs spread open. The vibrating wand in his hand is pressed against your clit at the second slowest speed.

You wouldn't have minded the sensation if you hadn't been so sensitive. Ari's pulled at least five orgasms out of you. He reminded you to keep track of the number. But your mind's hazy and you're hanging right over the edge before falling into subspace.

"Ari,"

He instantly pulls the wand away, setting it gently on the mattress before he tilts your head up with his palm cupping your face. It wasn't a safeword but it still worried him nonetheless.

"Hey– you okay, sweetheart?" His worried tone and the way his brows furrowed made your heart flutter.

You hum weakly in reply, sighing softly in relief. "Just sensitive."

Ari leans down, kissing your forehead and pressing another kiss on your lips. His thick beard brushes slightly against your nose, making you stifle a smile at the ticklish sensation.

"You think you can give me one more, or you wanna take a break?" His thumb caresses your skin softly, and at that moment you know this man would do anything for you– no matter how angry he seems to be.

"Can gif ya wanmore." You murmur out. Knowing Ari, he definitely heard you loud and clear.

He hums lowly, picking the wand back up and putting it on its lowest setting just as he holds it against your nub. He chuckles darkly at the immediate whimper that leaves your lips.

Your fingers wrapped tightly around his forearm, nails digging into his skin while your other hand grips onto the sheets. Your hips jerk reluctantly against the wand.

"Oh my god."

A click tells you that Ari's increased the speed but your mind's too far away to process anything that's happening.

"Ask me nicely, honey." He reminds you.

"Ari, daddy. Pease," You force out, hips bucking up as you keep on writhing against him.

He tuts again, shaking his head above you. "Please what?"

He raises the speed again, lips curling as he watches you stumble on your words.

"Pl– please, can I cum, daddy?"

Ari archs one of his brows, blinking unamusedly down at you. "I don't know, honey. Can you?"

You cussed at him in your head, but you're desperate to cum. The pressure on your nub makes you stutter on your words, your legs shook at the overstimulation and from Ari dragging this particular orgasm out.

"Oh god, may I— may I cum, please?"

Ari chuckles as he clicks the button again.

"Cum for me."

The dam in your belly breaks immediately at Ari's permission and the vibrations being stronger. He stops pressing the wand against your clit, just letting the device rest gently against your little nub so you can ride your orgasm out.

Your nails dig into the sheets as you squeal, head falling back against Ari's chest as you feel the huge wave of pleasure overcoming you. You're breathless and exhausted, a couple loose strands of hair sticking to your skin.

Ari smiles warmingly down at you as you bask in your afterglow. He clicks the device off and sets it aside.

"You with me, sweetheart?"

His words seemed distant, but you still registered it in your mind. You nod sluggishly with your eyes closed. "Yeah, 'm here."

"Open your eyes, please?" Ari asks softly.

You blink your eyes open slowly. You hadn't even realised they were closed. He chuckles softly at the lazy smile your lips curled into.

"Hi, honey."

"Hi, pretty boy." You drawl out, eyes shining as you lazily look up at him.

You see him reach out for the bottle of water on the nighstand and he twists the cap open before he holds it out for you.

"C'mere."

You straighten up slightly as Ari brings the bottle to your lips, tilting the bottle as you take a couple of sips from the drink. Just as Ari was about to twist the cap back on when you were done, you stopped him.

"You drink."

Ari snorts at your words. But he didn't protest when you bring the bottle to his lips. He tipped the bottle and drank, watching through his lashes as you stared intently at him.

He caps the bottle and set it back on the stand. Ari gently shifts back, leaning against the headboard as you lean against his bare chest.

He runs his fingers through your hair, brushing the stray strands away from your face. "You okay, honey? Want me to run you a bath now or you wanna stay here a little more?"

"Here." You mumbled lazily, eyes fluttering close as your ears focused on the beat of Ari's heart.

His chest rumbles when he speaks, his hands moving to wrap around your upper body. "Okay, honey. But we gotta wash up soon, okay?"

You hum even though you're falling asleep. "Love you, Ari."

The last thing you heard before you dozed off was a distant, "I love you too, sweetheart."

---

an | i'm not going to jinx it by saying i'm back but I'M BACK. one small fic at a time lol! hope you enjoyed this! give some love and tell me what you think! <3

xx haney <3

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Last Time

Steve Rogers x Reader || Angst & slight fluff

Masterlist

Steve Rogers.

The absolute love and light of your life. The man who meant everything to you. The hero who saved people’s lives for a living and the hero that just so happened to save yours by entering it.

Steve Rogers.

The man who was leaving you to fight in a war.

Again.

Missions were one thing, but wars? They took a completely different toll on you. Wars were so much more dangerous than missions and they have higher potential on destroying the man you loved.

“You’re leaving,” you whispered, clutching your arms in front of your chest as an attempt to hold you and your emotions together. “Again.”

Again. The word that never left your life. Steve would go to war and risk his life again. He would leave you again. You would have to live not knowing if Steve was alive or not again. You would have to be alone and suffer again.

“You know I have to, Doll,” Steve softly said, looking away from your piercing yet broken gaze. He couldn’t look into the overflowing ocean of sadness in your eyes without drowning in it.

Drowning. A word that caused you to fear. There was a time when you had a dream that Steve had gone into a mission that ended with his body drowning in his own blood. It was a morbid image. You took on a new level of drowning after the fight, the war, between Steve and Tony. He disappeared for years, leaving you no sign or trace of him. You thought he was dead. You would drown in anguish every single day.

You shook your head a bitterly laughed. “You don’t understand. You could never understand. Whenever you leave to fight, I stay alone wondering if you’re okay. If you’re dead. Do you know what that does to me? Do you know how much I ache when you leave? You don’t understand.”

Little did you know that Steve did understand. He understood everything you were saying. “Whenever I leave, don’t you think I ache for you too? Do you know how hard it is to fight not knowing if you’re okay too? Do you know how hard it is to fight knowing that one day I might not be able to be in your arms again?”

If you both mutually shared the same emotions then why couldn’t he stay? Why wouldn’t you both stay with each other, knowing that the other is safe and well? That’s when it officially struck you. Steve had a duty. It was to protect and save others. You were only one person. Him staying with you instead of protecting others would be selfish. People needed him and you understood that, but there was one thought that always lingered in your mind.

“I need you,” you said, refraining from breaking down.

“And I need you too,” Steve replied, on the verge of tears.

“Don’t leave,” you cried, allowing your tears to flow free. “Please,” you added with your voice cracking into sobs.

Steve grew heartbroken at the sight of you crying, knowing that he couldn’t do anything to conclude or prevent your pain. All he could do was attempt to comfort you, knowing that those actions could never be enough, and that’s what he did. He swiftly came to you and wrapped his arms around you. You buried your head into his shoulder and wept. You cried like it would be the last time he would ever hold you and who knew that it was the last time.

“I promise I’ll come back,” Steve swore, pulling away from the embrace to look you in the eyes.

You stared at him with disbelief although you wanted nothing but to believe him. “Don’t say that if you don’t even know if it’s true.” 

“No, I promise I’ll come back,” Steve repeated. He grabbed your shaking hands and intertwined them with his. “When I come back, I’m going to propose to you-”

“Steve-”

“-And we can start our own family. I promise that, (Y/N). I promise I’ll come back,” Steve insisted, pulling you closer towards him.

You looked at him, the man you loved with all your heart. His eyes, they held nothing but a promise he wanted to keep. It was a promise you wanted to believe was your future. Maybe you didn’t know if it would come true, but this was Steve Rogers. He would do anything in order to fight for and keep that promise. All you could do was hope.

Hope. A word that changed your life. Hoping that Steve would come back home every time he left was tiring, but it was worth it. Seeing him enter your arms again after days or weeks, it was like an accomplishment. Knowing that maybe, just maybe, your hope was doing something after all. . .but who knew that it would be your last time hoping for Steve.

Still gazing into his eyes, you saw one more thing. Love. Love changed it all for the two of you. You loved this man so much that he was your whole life and knowing that he felt the same way, knowing that he thought of you as the reason of his happiness, it was more than enough for you to feel special.

“Steve Rogers, when you come back I promise I’ll marry you. I promise that we’ll have a family together,” you smiled, pulling him into a kiss. It was a kiss you would never forget. It was passionate yet it was needy. You could feel that the both of you needed each other, that the both of you didn’t want to lose each other. It was eager yet it was perfect. You pulled away, the saddest yet hopeful smile on your face. “I love you, Steven.”

Steve smiled back and pulled you into another hug, resting his head onto your head. “I love you too, (Y/N).”

Little did you know that it would be the last time he would ever say that to you.

Masterlist

Hi!! These are all my fics for those who care :))

Peter Parker

Proper Introduction

Worth It

Little Peter (Part One)

Little Peter (Part Two)

Not Himself

So You Don’t Hate Me?

Dork

Did You Know I’m Writing A Book?

Steve Rogers

Last Time

Chivalry Isn’t Dead

Close Your Eyes

Bucky Barnes

Morning Person

I’m Not Sleepy

Close Your Eyes

Steve Rogers x Reader || Angst

Masterlist

A/N: Here’s something really sucky that has been sitting in my drafts for about a year. 

Warnings: Major character death

Steve’s breath came in shallow, ragged gasps and darkness filled the edges of his vision. The pain that once scorched like a fire had faded away to a frigid numbness. At first, all he could hear were the sounds of his heartbeat and the sounds of his conscience telling him to fight. Seconds passed as he laid there and soon he heard voices. His eyes opened the tiniest bit to see people swarmed all over himself, trying to help him and the condition he was in from the mission. Steve realized they wanted to save him and if he could have, he would have tried to help himself too.

Instead, Steve’s attention was on you.

Your glossy eyes were full of pain as you stared at the heart monitor screen with worry. The littlest stream of hope flowed within you as you continued to stare at the monitor, praying that the line would continue to travel across the screen with no problem. You had been in this position many times before, praying that Steve’s life wouldn’t come to an end, but now it was coming true.

Steve watched as your hands shook with fear when Natasha grabbed them in an attempt to comfort you. He watched as your whole body staggered to the wall and sunk to the floor as medics informed Tony of Steve’s worsening condition. He watched as you pulled your legs to your chest and let out stifled sobs.

That’s when Steve felt time come to a pause. His eyes danced across the room to land on each figure one by one. There was Bucky at his right, trying so hard to hide the panic embedded in his eyes and begging Steve to keep fighting. There was Tony at his left, furiously shooing away the medical team after they said there was nothing that could be done. There were Sam and Peter in the back, both with a loss of words as they watched the heart monitor with fear. There was Bruce standing at the end of the bed, his frightened eyes darting between Steve and the monitor. There was Thor, fingers twitching with sparks as he paced back and forth. There was Natasha at the corner of the room, trying to conceal her panic as she took deep breaths over and over again.

Then there was you.

With arms tightly crossed over your legs as you attempted to hide your pain, your stifled sobs were soon overcome by waves of emotion as tears hit the floor. It was more than just crying. It was the kind of sobbing that comes from someone drained of all hope.

Nobody in the room had ever seen you look so empty, so devoid of happiness. The way your loose shoulders shook, the way your head hung so low, you didn’t even try to conceal your emotion anymore. Then you looked up and locked eyes with Steve, your grief-filled eyes engulfing his sad ones. In just one look, both of you held an unspoken conversation of emotion. 

That’s when you stretched out your arms and pressed your hands on the floor, shakily pushing yourself up. Soon you were on your feet, slowly walking towards Steve. You placed a hand on the bed and sat at his side, carefully avoiding the wires that connected him to the heart monitor. You leaned forward, hovering your face over Steve’s weary one.

“Steven Grant Rogers,” you whispered, lips barely moving as you spoke in a barely audible tone that was just enough for Steve to hear. “I love you, more than you will ever understand. We all do,” you said, motioning to the team that was scattered around the room with silence. “And we know you’re tired, tired from fighting.”

Steve stared at everyone behind you, drowsiness filling his eyes. He knew that once he would close his eyes, they would never open again. Seeing you, seeing all his teammates, it gave him a reason to fight. It gave him a reason to stay alive.

“Steve, close your eyes,” you murmured, running your hands through Steve’s hair.

Steve’s eyes snapped to yours, disbelief filling them. He didn’t want to leave you, he didn’t want to close his eyes. Yet you were right, he was tired. Not just tired from trying to stay awake, but tired of the duty he held to the world. 

“Baby,” you said, emotions lacing your voice. Steve’s eyes focused on you. “Do you see everyone in this room? We’ll be alright. I’ll be alright.“ Your eyes held a promise, a promise that calmed Steve down. 

Steve weakly rose his hand and pressed it against your tear-stained face. You placed your hand over his and gently squeezed it, bringing it down so you could intertwine your fingers with his. 

The room remained just like that for several minutes, silence hanging in the air. You felt Steve’s hand losing its grip on yours and his trained eyes on you were beginning to flutter. An involuntary cry escaped your mouth as you watched them shut.

The only sound that engulfed the room was the flatline that rang in everyone’s ears.

Permanent Vacation

Pairing: Dark Steve Rogers x Female Reader

Summary: you were forced to go on a vacation with your mom along with her new boyfriend and his son. what could possibly go wrong aside from the fact that there are three masked strangers waiting for your arrival? Three masked strangers who feeds on tormenting you and your family.

Warning/s: DARK STEVE, non/con, smut, violence, death, murder, angst, kind of an age gap (the reader is not a minor though), some sort of sex drug, car sex, PLEASE BE HELLA WARNED, not proofread, this came out to be so long and I hope it doesn’t get too boring to read :’)

Word Count: 9995

A/N: this is an au fic. It’s inspired by the movie “The Strangers: Prey at Night”. I suggest watching the movie so y’all can picture some scenarios in this story clearer but you don’t have to if you don’t want to. This is also just a one-shot.

Guess I’m posting this before the 30th hehe. 

“Hurry up, sweetie! We want to get there before dinner. You need any help with packing?” Your mother asks you from your bedroom doorway. 

“No, ma… But do we really need to go on this trip?” You look up at her from your bed with a sad smile, hoping she would just miraculously call the trip off. She sighs and makes her way to sit beside you. She brushes some of your hair back before pulling you for a side hug. “I know you don’t want to go on this trip, sweetie but it would be great for you! For us! You can get to know Franco and Anton much better…” You frown at the mention of her new boyfriend. You weren’t a huge fan of Franco. He just seems… He’s just too cheery and friendly. But you’ve never seen your mother this happy after your father passed… Maybe you were being too selfish? 

Keep reading

Hey! So, on some level I do agree with you that Steve Rogers in mcu wasn't much personality besides all that came with mantle that is the patriotism, obligation to do right and stuff. But the thing is these basically are the qualities of Steve in mcu. Its just that these qualities were not highlighted in his personal life, besides being Cap. In fact, his personal life wasn't shown that much in the films. That may be the reason why you liked the pre-serum fics because at least then he had a personal life where we could see his qualities and flaws. Also, it was shown that he was so hung up on his past that he always said no to the mere notion of him trying to move on or dating. And also the chemistry between Steve and Peggy wasn't showcased enough in CATFA that we could forgive him going back to live a life with her (but on some level I do ship them). Then again, the fact that she had lived her life with somone else but he had to interfere. This conveys a bit of selfishness. Also, in some instances CATWS you could see his real chaotic cute nature that most writers mention in fics and Bucky is so exasperated about. In CACW he hid the truth about Tony's mother's death, which particularly wasn't a good decision, and that led to him being the Nomad.

I think it was mainly the casting choice apart from the productions in the movies, that made us love the character. Otherwise, they really fucked up his story in some instances.

As for the writers, there are many fics where they showcase Steve's personality behind the whole Captain America persona, well as much as they can grapple from the movies and from their imagination. Fan fictions on Steve are mostly based on plot. There are very few based on his personality but I have read some and they are really good. In case of Bucky, it is kind of obvious that he has went through so much trauma that he suffers from PTSD (and it was there in TFATWS) and so the writers incorporate that in their fics. And this is a part of his personal life. Also, the stuff that Steve has went through the war made him go through therapy which is part of his personal life that was not in the mcu. But many writers involve this in their fics.

So yeah, I think that's it. Also, most Steve Rogers fanfics are based on the plot, imagination and AUs, so that kind of shadows the whole personality thing and maybe that is why you found it lacking.

Lets Talk: Fan Fiction and Steve Rogers- is/was he a fleshed out character? (Marvel movies)

Recently I’ve started delving into fan-fiction, Marvel fan fiction in particular. I’m really enjoying it primarily because there are so many character nuances that good fan fiction writers pick up in the Canon lore that I may have missed or just not fully evaluated and that is really lovely when it comes to your favorite characters- to really see them fleshed out and you having a better understanding of them. Now, two of my favorites happen to be Loki and Bucky (I’m a sucker for sad/deep/angsty bois apparently) anyway when reading good fan fic where they are a primary character there are character nuances that fit perfectly into their official canon personality e.g Loki calling a significant other pet, darling, exhibiting proper (or in Loki's case dramatic instances) of jealousy, subtle mischievousness, etc... or with Bucky obvious angsty-ness e.g jaw clenches, ptsd, or as with proper pet names of a significant other- doll, dollface, etc. Since, I have enjoyed myself immensely with diving into these characters through fan fiction I wondered if I was missing pieces of other Marvel characters, i.e subtle personality characteristics, things that were hinted, or very not subtly passed by, but as I not being an extreme fan of theirs I may have missed. An example of this is now thanks to all the beautiful creators on Tumblr I understand why Stucky is such a thing- like so much evidence, subtle, not subtle, to all of it where I was like "Hmm, that is interesting, thank you for helping me see and interpret this media in a new way."

So, I decided to try reading Steve Rogers fan fic and I was left disappointed and questioning...was Steve Rogers not a fully fleshed out character? Now, I have read some pre-serum Steve Rogers fan fic and yes, those were good- very believable character dialogue, reactions, etc. but when delving into post-serum Steve Rogers it has left me not satisfied- Was he too prefect of a character as they wanted to keep him "Captain America-esque" flawed but not really? Is Chris Evans not as good as an actor as others? I know, I know, rude, but it is a question that arises. Did he not identify with his character as much as others so on the screen when delving deeper there isn't much deeper one can go? Particularly in fan fiction where the character is suppose to be more personally/romantically bonded with Captain America, in which he is just Steve there doesn't seem to be much personality when you pull back all of the Patriotism and strong morals, in example (mostly because through the MCU Captain America was always stuck on missing the life he could have had with Peggy Carter, but even when they attempted in CAaTWS to give him some romantic sub plot with Sharon Carter it very much fell flat with a lot of fans and with the character) so the same goes for in Fan fiction in my personal opinion, he tends to fall short as a character, not seemingly fully fleshed out as a human being, and in honesty the fan fiction ends up not being the best since the scenarios, dialogue, etc just doesn't sound like something Steve would say or how he would react. Am I wrong? What are your thoughts? Maybe, I'm missing some critical pieces of the character or hey, maybe you got some good fan fiction to recommend? I'm all ears :)

Leave Me Be ( Former Steve Rogers x Reader ; Bucky x reader)

Hello people of Tumblr ! I’m Hazel and i’ve been a tumblr user for quite awhile, but i’ve decide to give it a try and post some content. I’ve always love letting my imaginations run wild and then pour them into stories. If not these imaginations can sometimes shift into noises. So this is my first original post and my story. i hope you enjoy and love my idea as much as i do. However, you don’t have to be mean if you don’t like. If you like this story and want me to continue, please please please don’t be shy and feel free to reach out to me because i love connecting with those who enjoy and share the same idea/ content as i do. I was planning on turning this story into many chapters and post them on Wattpad. 

The reason i poured this idea into story is because as silly as it sounds i haven’t been able to move on from Avengers: End Game since Captain America: The Winter Soldier. I love Steve Rogers, I felt in love with him since Captain America : The First Avenger so when i watched End Game in theatre, i was utterly emotional when Steve didn’t come back, and i had to restrain myself from crying. Crying because why threw his friendship and team under the bus just to save his best friend but then eventually left him and also happy that he’d finally get his own happily ever after that he’d been yearning for. 

So i decided what if during those years when Steve lived in the present days, he had a long term relationship but left her because of the fairytale he had always wanted. I know i made it sounds like Steve is very selfish but i’m trying to work with the original story line. I mean where’s the fun in changing the story aight? And also this bish right here is a sucker for hopeless romantic and angsty angst. So if you are like me, i welcome you with open arms :) Personally, i think this is a more realistic reaction towards the situation and i tried to put myself in her shoes and imagine how i’d react when someone i trust with all my heart for so many years leave me just like that. PLEASE DON’T BE MEAN IF YOU DON’T LIKE THIS. 

UPDATE : Chapter 2 has finally been released. XOXO, Hazel. 

Disclaimer: Very angst ( for the author, but maybe not for y’all readers out there); horrible grammatical error. English is definitely not my first language

Characters: Former Stever Rogers x Reader ; Bucky x reader

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Words can’t even describe the ache and the feeling of emptiness in my heart. The sound of rain pitter patter fail to soothe my aching soul and mind. Hands holding the book whilst staring down and eyes scanning at the same sentence repeatedly and still incapable of fathoming it. My mind is fully occupied with all the memories I have spent with him but can’t cease replaying the same scene again.. and again..

First day of everything is always nerve wrecking whether it be school, college, and work…

Groaning internally, today happens to be both, first day of university AND work…

Just my luck...

Both hands trying to balance out the tray which hold beverages that were filled full to the brim. Sighing in annoyance and wondering to myself why on earth they always have to fill it to the brim considering there might be some little spillage and causing nuisance to both customer and the waitress. Maneuvering myself through tables whilst trying to poise the tray. Eyes scouring from one table to another while delivering the refreshments to the designated customers and caught on a sight of a particular man who didn’t seem to belong in this period. His appearance, body language and style were considerably outdated.. Hmm.. That’s a tad too harsh I guess, maybe old-fashioned to say the very least. Adorning in white and brown checkered shirt, covered by a seemingly vintage reddish brown leather jacket, sandy blonde hair parted to the side. Or maybe he was just a vintage avid.

Catching brief glimpses of his face every now and then, when he looked up from his sketch book, he turned out to be a very decent looking man regardless of his outdated fashion. A pair of nicely groomed eyebrow, high nose bridge, prominent and sturdy jawline, and an irresistible pink plump lips. Wrinkles formed between his eyebrows indicating that he was fully engrossed in his sketch.

Walking towards the beverage counter to replace the tray with coffee pitcher to offer refill and my eyes instantly felt upon the table that was occupied by the blonde man considering his coffee mug was desperately in need of refill. However, he seemed to be very oblivious of it. I decided to approach his table.

“Hello sir, would you like me to refill your coffee? “

“Oh! Erhm… sure”, he looked up from his sketch book briefly and etched on the paper was the realistic looking café and vicinity from his outlook.

I couldn’t help but interrupted his train of thought, “that’s a wonderful sketch you did there sir...”

Then he looked up to me, smiled sheepishly and said “erhm.. Thanks, I guess it helps me familiarize with the place. I’m quite new to the area.”

I felt bad for prying even though I didn’t mean to, so I apologized.

“I’m sorry… didn’t mean to pry on your work.”

Then I made the biggest mistake of looking into that pair of ocean blue eyes. There was laced with lost beneath those warm blue eyes as if a part of him was missing.

Those blue eyes…

Those blue eyes feels like home.

It felt like home for 8 years…

Whenever I am feeling low, I look into those eyes and I’d feel at ease.

Now staring into the glass window, I see fat droplets of rain drop sliding down the glass but that perspective gradually distorted into my own reflection. My own pair of eyes staring back at myself. Cold, void, broken and utterly lost. Tears gliding down my cheeks and slowly turning into sobs. How dare he just leave me behind after those 8 years we have been through together and move on with a past phantom whom he came across when collecting those stones. Those 8 years relationships are gone, just like that. Just the thought of that triggers my mind even more. Shoulder shudders from failing to muffle my own cry.

A week has gone by and I am still struggling to get my own shit together…

Shit…

Even such word reminds me so much of him. The thought of saying that word out loud makes me chortle darkly, Steve never fails to retort to those who swear like drunken sailors including me, not that I swear a lot but sometimes it’s more of a force of habit per se. He would always give me the disapproving look with a glint of mischief within those ocean blue eyes whenever those words chortled out of my lips.

A week after Steve left his shits behind, everyone seems to find a way to move on as time passes, everyone but me … and Bucky, his best friend since childhood.

The one he promised till the end of the line…

The one he saved while throwing friendships and teamwork under the bus just so he could save his god damn so called best friend since childhood.

After all those sacrifices he made, he left Bucky just like that.

It boils my blood just the thought it. Even with all those horrendous experiences Bucky had gone through, he handled them surprisingly well. Much better than me. I thought to myself that maybe he’d gotten used to such harsh predicament and reality…

Drying my tears with the edge of my, his, dark blue oversized cardigan sleeve. Head pounding from straining too much tears. Forcing my legs to stand and stripping myself to only thin camisole and panties. Laying upon the cold king size bed in a fetal position, back facing his side of the bed and facing the huge glass window staring into the void.

The feeling of cold, empty bed somehow bring me into tears again. Whimpers slowly turned into chocked sobs … then eventually giving in and bawling my eyes out, heart continues to wrench and shrivel.

Recalling back to those moments where everyone would throw me pity smiles, empathy hugs when walking past them. Clint, the ever wonderful man, offered me to move in with his family because he knew how it felt to lose your other half. But I turned down considering it would be fiddly to live under the same roof with a wholesome family and constantly feeling like a burden to them.

Eventually Bruce encouraged Bucky to move in with me considering Bucky happened to not have a place to stay after he was tracked down and constantly being on the run with Steve and Sam when he was accused of taking the live of the late Wakandan King and being hunted down. Bruce figured we would try to help each other to heal or at least ease the pain considering we were very close to Steve. I wanted to declined, because even looking at Bucky painfully reminds me so much of Steve. But I didn’t have the guts to do so, unlike him. So I agreed half-heartedly and tried to move on.

I didn’t even bother to budge when I heard the soft creaking of door opening, knowing fully well who it is. Heart wrenching sobs slowly subsiding into mere whimper. Footsteps softly padded towards the bed, then the bed dipping next to me. Bucky’s human arm carefully and protectively enclosed over my waist, chin rested upon my head, chest pressed against my back, his umpteen attempts within this week trying to soothe my gnawing pain in my heart.

“H-h-he’s not coming back, is he? Did that prick even try second guessing his decisions?” I whispered, still trying to muster up all the strength that’s left in every fibre of my body, tears wetting my pillow.  

“I’m sorry, Doll… “

Doll… even the pet name reminded me of Steve, he would sometimes call me Doll, but Sweetheart more often than not.

“I tried talking some sense into him, but he was very adamant of his decision. That punk…I’m really sorry…” he murmured softly, his voice tinted with despair.

“Doll… tell me what to do… I can’t bear seeing you breaking apart like this and I am running out of ways to numb your pain…” nose buried in my hair, inhaling while tightening his hold over my miniscule body.

A pregnant pause lingered before sucking in as much air as if my life depends on it whilst sniffling.

“I wish I never even met him… If I never knew him, none of this would happen and I wouldn’t be weeping like crazy weakling… Sometimes I wish I was one of you guys, one of the Avengers team, so my mind doesn’t have to constantly wonder off and compare myself with Peggy every night when I sleep next to Steve in this very bed...”

“Doll… don’t-“

“I knew this would happen from the beginning when he told me about the time heist excursion, trekking down the past. And I was right… Sometimes I would caught him by accident looking at Peggy’s picture that’s tucked in his compass but I was trying to be a good partner, so I remained silent, pretended it didn’t happen and dismissed it. But it happened more often when it’s nearing the time travelling mission, as if he was hoping …expectantly… “sighing hopelessly as grief and anger slowly consumed my thought, my voice quivering while tears started to form again, blurring my sight. And so I continued to ramble while Bucky continued to listen attentively.

“I mean who wouldn’t want to be with Peggy? I am certain she such a strong woman in her time, I guess your time as well. Working alongside the opposite gender in the army when female were scrutinized even for voicing their own opinions at that time. One time I tried to beg Tony into recruiting me as part of the team while Steve was at a mission in D.C after I learnt about Peggy …because I know he would be against it and disappointed in me for thinking such way. Alas, Tony hesitantly dismissed me, saying it wasn’t his place to make the decision considering Steve was the Head of the team, the Captain. And he also said Steve would love me regardless of my status as a civilian. I refused to believe him, but what options did I have? Nick Fury would never take me seriously, thinking that it might be merely silly infatuation over Captain America and wouldn’t take matter seriously in the long run. So I thought why not give it a rest for a year or two and maybe eventually I’ll forget about it considering I was only 21, freshly graduated from university a year earlier with a GPA of cum laude, very optimistic with the future laid ahead of me. I figured if I couldn’t be as strong as Peggy maybe I could be smarter than her, so at least I have something to pride on.” My face broke into bitter smile while reminiscing the memory.

“I was 18 when I first met Steve. Freshly graduated from high school and went straight to university. I was such an optimistic kid, head filled with high hopes and dreams. I started working at a local coffee shop in New York on my first day of university, that’s where I met Steve. The way he look at his surrounding with those blue eyes studying his vicinity was very adorable… like a lost puppy. After that encounter, we remained friends … and then close friends… because we decided I was too young for anything other than friendship. So we kept our friendship tight for 2 years. By the time I reached 20, I was eager to be more than friends, I’d constantly left subtle hints here and there, and eventually he got the clue but he insisted he was not the right man for me. He said I was young, beautiful and pure why go for a man like him. I practically burst into tears right then and there due to the rejection and humiliation, so I begged him to at least give me a chance… to prove him wrong…That jerk left me hanging for a week then came back banging on my door in the middle of the night while I was studying for finals, looking like lost puppy with those big blue eyes begging for forgiveness for giving me the cold shoulder.” I chuckled grimly.

“I was so annoyed, angry and ready to give him the boot, but how could I say no to those blue eyes looking like a lost sick puppy. He finally decided to give it a shot and said he did feel the same way from the very beginning ever since we grew closer but had to restrain himself from doing so because he thought it was inappropriate for an old man to chase after a much younger woman. But I didn’t care, I swear I was over moon that day… I couldn’t even focus on my study anymore. Sometimes I wondered to myself whether I coerced him into this relationship or…”

“Doll… stop thinking such way… stop thinking so low of yourself…” Bucky interrupted.

“But…”

“He wouldn’t be coming looking for you in the MIDDLE of the night for nothing… Trust me on this one, doll. I’ve known him since childhood, even better than himself… I’m sure he loved you and just needed a little push, maybe he didn’t feel confident at that time. He could be very self-conscious at times considering of his past self and constant rejection from women…”

The more I walked down the memory lane, the more painful I felt, heart twisted and wrenched.

“H-h-how…how did you deal with it? “

“Deal with what, Doll?”

“The feeling of being given false hope, disappointment… that he promised to be with you till the end of the line…”

“It’s… upsetting.” Bucky hesitated, worry that he might worsen the situation if he continued so he just remain and basking in the silence.

“I think of ending my life sometimes… because I’d rather die than living but suffering a gut-wrenching heartache in a long term…”

“No, Doll. Please don’t…” Bucky shushed in my ear, his embrace tighten even more, cheek pressed against my head.

“I-i-i-it h-h-h-urts, Buck… it hurts…He’s my first love, first kiss and…” my shoulders began to shake, eventually my whole body shuddered from chocking sobs.

“I know, Doll. But I promise you’ll get through it, I promise to be with you every step of the way. We will get through it. I am not going anywhere. I am not going to walk out this door, not until you kick me out because you’re so sick of looking at my face. You have my word, Doll. I am staying.” Bucky tried lulling me to sleep.

I couldn’t care less about anything. The sound of harsh rain was the only thing I could pay attention to, ironically it matched my mood, the more my heart felt torn, the heavier it rained…

Chocking sobs gradually dispersed into soft whimpers. My eyes were heavy, I felt my breath gotten shallow. Eventually, darkness engulfed my sight. Hoping that I would wake up from this nightmare.

Next >>> Chapter 2 

birthday love present

pairing: steve rogers x f!reader

words: +4k

warnings: some bad words, age gap (steve's his canon age), reader has a lip piercing.

note: hi guys! this is my first time writing on the steve side. ive been trying to write this one for a long time and the inspiration finally came in today and i think im proud of this one so i hope you guys like it too! this oneshot is from a request i had some time ago that said:

Imagine being Tony Starks daughter and having a massive 21st birthday party at the tower. Despite her younger age either bucky or Steve is in love with her and they end up kissing at the party. Tony sees this and absolutely FREAKS!! Calling Steve/bucky (...) some shit cause he’s technically like 100 and it’s her 21st birthday. Mama pepper wouldn’t be super upset and calms him down and it ends in fluff of course lol

you can read some other works at my masterlist! also, if anyone has a request feel free to send it to me as a message or an ask!

The Tower had been filled with color that night. The pastel pink reigned in the decoration that your parents had put together and you couldn't have been more delighted, it was everything you had dreamed of. The music was perfect, you sang and moved to the rhythm of your favorite songs; all the people around you enjoyed as much as you did that huge birthday party. The food was sensational, there was a whole table full of all your favorite dishes that seemed endless.

Of course the best of all was the bar. Natasha tended it with finesse and mischief, she was the best of the bunch making cocktails. And she only winked at you every time you came back to the bar for another shot as if you hadn't just walked by two minutes earlier.

You had lost sight of your parents a while ago, but you were having an amazing time with your friends singing at the top of your lungs and dancing until your heels burned. You didn't want to take any breaks, you wanted to enjoy every moment of that party to the limit.

Every once in a while you would run into some of your father's friends and say hello. The whole Avengers group had attended that party, although you had asked your mother not to invite them because it would be weird, even though you saw them as a family. She obviously didn't care and so at that moment you were stuck in a bay surrounded by testosterone, with a Norse god telling a weird story to the whole assembled group. There was a pile of bottles and cans on the floor that you couldn't help but grimace at.

“Everything okay?” You heard next to you.

Steve Rogers was to your left, leaning a little closer to you so you could hear him over the loud music. His short blond hair was messy enough that you could tell he was having a good time too, and his light eyes were exalted, as if he had just come running up to where you were. But you didn't know if you could answer him with him so close.

Your history with Steve was… kind of complicated.

Tony Stark was your father, so consequently you used to spend quite a bit of time at the Tower and you knew all the team members as if they were your own family, even though you'd only met them a little over a year ago.

Steve was captivating from the first moment. Maybe it was that lopsided smile that took over his face every time you greeted him or said goodbye, or the way he would throw his head back when he laughed at something you said, even if you didn't think you were very funny, or the way he was always so considerate and cautious when he addressed you.

You didn't know exactly how it happened, or maybe you did, but there came a time when you simply wanted to go to the Tower just to see him. Tony would gladly take you along, completely unaware of your reasons, hoping to spend quality time with you and show you the latest inventions he had designed. But you were always waiting for the moment when he would show up.

And that was perhaps a serious problem. Because he was your father's best friend, or something like that, or because he was exaggeratedly older than you even though he spent 80% of his life inside that plane on the ice and basically time stood still for him. But for whatever the reason, you never told anyone, not any of your friends or your mother who was your confidant, there was even a time when you fought those feelings because you knew no one around you would understand, not even your parents. And you didn't think you could bear their disappointed looks.

Carrying that secret inside your chest used to not be difficult, you considered that you were very good at hiding those feelings and those longing looks. However, you had never put that statement to the test while drunk.

“I'm fine,” you slurred the words and frowned at how terrible that had sounded. You cleared your throat to speak again, but Steve was quicker.

“It seemed to me like you weren't enjoying Thor's amazing stories.”

“Ah,” you laughed slyly, moving your hair off your shoulders and turned to look again at the group of people gathered at the front listening to the other blond's words. “No, it's very entertaining. Not at all like the stories he has told before.”

Steve sketched a smile and through all the noise you could barely hear his laughter. It was only at that moment that it bothered you terribly that the music was so loud.

But his blue eyes rested on yours again and the words and thoughts evaporated in your head. A rational thought ran through your head telling you that maybe you couldn't disguise the lamb's eyes much with alcohol in your veins, but you very responsibly decided not to pay attention.

“You look good,” the blond shook his head looking at you down to your toes and you felt your ears heat up. “Finally 21.”

You didn't lose sight of the way Steve's eyes moved to read the band across your body, the one that Pepper, your mother, had put on you before you arrived at the huge party on this floor of the Tower. You felt a shiver run down your back and you straightened up unconsciously.

“My mother gave it to me,” you commented, trying to shake off the tension you felt in your shoulders from the intense look he was giving you. Or maybe you were just feeling it like that.

“I figured as much. Tony just took care of the money then.”

“Actually,” you moved a little closer to Steve to talk about the music, as he leaned next to you too and you felt shivers run through your body, “my mother told me he chose the color of the decor and the food.”

Too close to be true, you saw him nod at your words and his hair almost brush your cheek as he pulled away so he could see you. You felt your stomach do a flip and for a moment you thought you were going to throw up. Anxious, you fiddled with the piercing you had in your lower lip.

“Do you want to go somewhere else?”

You shook your head embarrassingly fast in a nod.

Steve moved to walk towards one of the two exits the bay had, which led directly to the bar Natasha was still tending. You followed closely behind him, with a bubbling feeling in the pit of your stomach.

He had dressed in a basic white shirt and a royal blue jacket that brought out his eyes beautifully. You remembered well that you had once told him that that blue looked great on him, and that in general dark colors really brought out his eyes. You didn't want to think that's why he had chosen that jacket, but…

Steve leaned over the bar where Natasha had already approached to greet you two and smiled before speaking.

“A shot of strong coffee for the lady here,” the man gestured to you.

You stood there for a few seconds staring at his perfect smile before realizing what he had said. Natasha barely nodded before heading over to the coffee machine Tony had set up in the corner of the bar.

You frowned at Steve, your hand moving to bump against his arm in a playful action.

“I'm not drunk!”

“You're very red,” he replied, after letting out a laugh that you could hear more clearly as you were further away from the speakers. His head moved to where Natasha was standing and you took a moment to see his arm resting on the bar, where the sleeve of the jacket was tucked up and clinging like a second skin. “I don't think it's a good idea for you to arrive dizzy like this for the pie game.”

“I'm just fine, Steve,” you slurred the words again and mentally cursed your lousy alcohol tolerance. You hadn't even had that much to drink, the party had only started about two hours ago. What did he want? For you to sit around drinking orange juice until you split the cake? No, how boring. “I'm lucid enough to break pieces of cake for everyone at this party.”

Natasha arrived with a ceramic mug and set it down in front of you on the bar. You would have preferred to leave it there, but maybe it wouldn't do you too much harm to take it?

“It's better not to take any chances anyway,” the redhead leaned her arms on the bar and gave you a smile.

“Argh,” you frowned at both of them and grabbed the mug to take a long sip. “Neither of you trust me.”

“Well, I can only say that one of us would blindly trust you with our lives, and I already have a person for that,” Natasha commented very nonchalantly as you continued sipping your coffee, and you barely noticed the look she shared with Steve before she walked off to the other end of the bar.

“What was she talking about?” you asked Steve once you let go of the cup.

The blond shrugged in man. “She sometimes just says cryptic things and goes off like that. I'm used to it.”

You nodded agreeing with his words. You were already feeling the effect of the coffee and were starting to see a little clearer. Well, maybe you were a little drunk. And maybe you needed a little more coffee.

-

Steve very kindly made you another coffee and you sat down right in front of him to watch the whole process as if you had never seen anyone make coffee in your life.

When you finished it, you let out a sound of approval drawing a smile from him.

“This was much better than Natasha's.”

“No one makes coffee better than she does.”

“You do! You should make coffee more often. In fact, you could start a coffee shop.”

Steve smiled broadly and you rejoiced at the butterflies in your stomach.

“I think I'm going to stick to being an Avenger for now. But maybe I can make you coffee every time you come over.”

Your eyes sparkled at the prospect. “I'd come by every day, Steve.”

“I'm counting on that.”

“Maybe you'd get tired of seeing me so often,” you twisted your lips into an expression of mock regret, lowering your gaze and wiggling your index finger over the rim of the empty cup. The black remains of the coffee made an odd figure that painted the white ceramic background.

“I don't think that's possible,” Steve muttered, and if it hadn't been for him coming over the bar and the music not being so loud you wouldn't have heard him. “I like having you around.”

“Really?” you raised your head, your facade fading.

“Sure. You're like the life of the party. Everything's better when you're around.”

Hearts flew around you as you saw the smile he was giving you. Just for you. You felt like fireworks were about to explode all around you and the anticipation of having him closer gnawed at your insides. Your fingers tingled and your heart was pounding.

You just had to get a little closer and…

“… and where's the birthday girl?”

You broke off suddenly.

Now you felt like your heart would pound out of your chest, but from fear.

You turned around as Steve rounded the bar to leave, and found your father walking toward you with his arms outstretched. Beside him, your mother was smiling tenderly at you.

“Come, honey, it's time to sing happy birthday.”

You stood in front of the cake, a bunch of smiling faces in front of you. The lights began to change color and dimmed. The atmosphere was a little more closed in, but it was perfect. You watched as the people in front of you sang happily, celebrating another year of your life, a whole year of experiences and changes that you had accepted with patience and love. There was nothing more at that moment that you could ask for to make it perfect. You had all the people you loved around you and delicious food, what more did you need?

The song ended and you blew out the candles. Your wish was a secret even to you.

The cake was passed around and you even had repeat servings. It was delicious.

But the party didn't stop there. After the cake the music continued and the drinks kept coming. You decided not to drink any more for the moment, at least while the food went down a bit because you had also stolen a few bites from the table full of your favorite dishes when you thought everyone was distracted.

Your parents hugged you at least five times since then and had reminded you how proud they were of you, all you had accomplished and the woman you had become. You couldn't have been happier.

Sometime during the night you slipped off to the bathroom. You arranged your hair that was quite messy from all the dancing before you left.

At the end of the hallway, reaching the stairs to go down to the party, you found Steve and Clint watching from above. They both greeted you as soon as you arrived. You noticed how, poorly disguised, Clint pushed Steve closer to you.

The blond cleared his throat as he walked over to where you were.

“How've you been doing so far?”

“It's been amazing! It's the best birthday party I've ever had,” you commented to him with a huge smile.

You heard Clint cackle sonorously and Steve in front of you rolled his eyes. But he smiled at you when their eyes met.

“Can I talk to you for a moment?”

You stood static for a moment, before replying, “Yeah, sure.”

Steve calmly led you back down the hallway you had traveled from the bathroom and they stopped at a safe distance.

You stood there for a few seconds, in somewhat awkward silence. Steve seemed to be thinking deeply about whatever it was he wanted to tell you, and his hesitation did nothing to help calm the anxiety that was beginning to course through you from the tips of your hands to the way your stomach sank.

Already your palms had begun to sweat when Steve finally spoke.

“I wanted to talk to you about something that… I don't know how you're going to take.”

You passed saliva despite the lump you felt in your throat. you didn't know what to expect from his attitude, because he looked too nervous and almost worried, you could say scared. you didn't want to expect the worst, so you waited for him to continue.

“What happens is that I… I wanted to tell you that… I don't expect you to take it the wrong way or reciprocate, I mean, you can say no…”

Steve was silent once again, avoiding your gaze. Your head was racing a mile a minute and it filled you with nerves to think that maybe he was going to say what you wanted him to say, what you wanted to hear and what you wanted to tell him too. But how… perfect would that be? You had imagined it so many times, but what was the likelihood that it would actually happen?

“I love it when you laugh,” Steve spoke, pulling you out of your head. His determined eyes looked anywhere. You felt a warmth blossom in your chest and you were sure your eyes must have looked like two crystal balls because of how bright they must have been. “And when you have that giant smile on your face that could light up an entire city. And I love when you tell me what you do in the day so animatedly that you don't even realize you're moving your hands too much. I also love when you dance like you're the only person on the dance floor because you sparkle. And I love how your eyes look in sunlight or moonlight, how they shine so bright I feel like I could orbit around them…. I just- I…”

“I like you too, Steve,” you interrupted him, noticing his frown.

His head moved quickly to stop looking anywhere but at you, and you could finally meet his beautiful blue eyes. His chest was heaving, almost as much as yours as you realized what had just happened. For a moment you thought that, if that was all you could do, just look at each other, you might stay right where you were for a long time. His warm, welcoming eyes roamed over your face and more than nerves and anxiety you felt very excited, so much so that you could run through a field of flowers. A smile was making its way on your face and he promptly followed you.

When it seemed that his nervousness had left him, you felt his hand brush yours. You took it without a second's hesitation.

“You do?” he asked, his voice cautious but full of excitement.

“Yes!” you replied, your smile widening. You squeezed his hand and pulled it closer to your body.

Before you gave him time to process what was happening, you crashed your lips against his.

The fireworks exploded.

You felt him tense as you rested your hands on his shoulders, but it was a matter of seconds before he let go.

His lips assaulted your mouth, delicate but passionate. It was everything you wanted and so much more. A love so fierce it could sweep away everything in its path. Your lips welcomed his, hoping this would not be the last time, and his hands clung to your hips with a promise to never let go. It was soft, desperate, tender, wild, all at the same time. Steve seemed to want to take his time savoring that moment, but at the same time he wanted to take it all at once and leave you breathless.

His body moved until you bumped against the wall and his hands squeezed your skin. The sensation was new, welcome and maddening. Now that you had tasted him you didn't think you could ever stop. His sweet scent flooded all over you with your hands tangled in the strands of his hair. His hand on the back of your neck pressed you against his lips and you felt infinitely close, but you still wanted more.

You felt like you were going to explode into a thousand pieces when you…

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TWO DOING?”

Steve turned away from you before Tony finished speaking.

You turned to see your parents in the hallway and Clint off to the side of them, an apologetic grimace on his face.

“Dad-”

“Get away from her. NOW.”

“Tony,” your mother put her hand on Tony's shoulder, who was looking at Steve as if he wanted to fly him out of the Tower.

Your heart was pounding wildly, a sour feeling making its way into your chest.

“I'm sorry, Steve. I turned the volume down and got distracted for a moment and they just appeared out of nowhere,” Clint tried to approach, but Tony's deadly stare drew him back a few steps.

“DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS? AND YOU LET THEM?”

In the midst of all that flurry, you turned to look at Steve. His face was nothing compared to the happiness he had radiated a few minutes ago and it contracted your heart. You moved closer to him, alerting him a little as he continued to watch Tony's argument with Clint and Pepper trying to calm them both down.

You took his hand without taking your gaze from his and when he turned to look at you you didn't like the fear you saw in his eyes.

“LET HER GO!”

“Tony, that's enough,” Pepper grabbed his arm preventing him from getting too close to the two of you.

“Are you out of your mind? You're like a hundred years older than her!”

“Dad, stop, you don't know-”

“She's my daughter, Steve!”

“I know, Tony, and I'm sorry, but-” he paused, his hand squeezing yours in support. “I can't apologize for that. I love her. I swear there's nothing stronger than that, and there's nothing I wouldn't do for her either. I know it's hard for you, but I've been holding this in for so long and it's because of you, because I knew you'd react like this and I can't go on like this.”

Your father held his gaze on Steve, his eyes a blaze of burning anger and for a moment you feared he wouldn't relent. But Tony moved letting out a snort and walked over to where Pepper stood. She put her arms around him and murmured some things to him that you couldn't hear.

You turned to see Steve, who already had his gaze on yours. It was electrifying. You didn't think that he would ever really look at you in that loving and caring way as he was doing at that moment. You felt at peace for the first time, without having to pretend around him or around anyone else. You could finally show all that you had inside instead of holding it in.

He gave you a small smile, but enough to give you the strength to argue with your father if necessary.

Tony sighed audibly and you both turned to look at him. Your father passed his gaze over both of you, as if hoping to find some response. You squeezed Steve's hand in preparation for anything.

“Just…” Tony clicked his tongue. “Do you think you'll be okay with him?”

The question surprised you, and even more so his warm look, but you nodded quickly.

“Yes.”

Your father shook his head, thinking to himself, before looking back at Steve.

“This… is going to take a good while, Rogers,” he pointed at him with his index finger, accusingly. “You better not screw this up.”

Your mother smiled at you, still wrapping her arms around Tony, her fingers massaging his tense muscles. You heard Steve's positive response and your father looked at you again.

“Fine,” he nodded. “Fine, whatever. Don't ever do that around me again,” he dismissed them by waving his hand and started to walk away down the hallway. “I can't believe it, Pepper, since when?”

“Actually, love, I'm surprised you barely noticed.”

“What do you mean?”

Steve walked over to Clint and put an arm around his shoulders. The latter grimaced shaking his head.

“That's the last time I'm counting on you, Barton,” Steve patted his shoulder amicably before walking away again.

His gaze met yours and he extended his hand toward you.

“I already apologized, Rogers, what else do you want?”

You took Steve's hand and pulled him in the direction of the stairs with a huge smile, not waiting for him to respond to Clint, and squeezed his hand when you could see the party still going on downstairs.

“So we're really doing this,” you heard him murmur, and you turned to give him a resounding kiss on the cheek. His lips curved.

“We're really doing this.”

You didn't know what the future held, but you were more than willing to face it head on. You walked down the stairs moving your clasped hands back and forth, feeling the happiest you could have been in a long time, more complete and loved than ever, and you knew the smile on Steve's face said the same as yours.

You hoped that wasn't the last time you would hold his hand that tight.

𝐒𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠'𝐬 𝐰𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠

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Steve rogers x reader

Category: Angst, fluff

Warnings: Description of an injury and blood, mentions of nausea, fainting

Summary: (Name) has never had the currant to tell Steve about the injuries, afraid of bothering him. Not realizing that it can backfire.

Words: 2.6 k

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(Name) loved Steve Rogers with her entire being, and she believed that every person she met felt the same. With his blue eyes, kind smile, and charisma. How he cared about every living, breathing thing around him.

But it didn't stop her from shutting down whenever he was irritated, mad, or even tense. Maybe it was because of past trauma, or that she simply didn't want to become the reason why he was mad. But every time he became like that, (Name) felt almost scared.

Not of him, of course, but scared that he don't want her near him. It has happened before with other people.

Which was why she was sitting in a corner of the quinjet, headphones over her ears as she tried to control the pain that bloomed like wildfire over her back.

It was an unsuccessful mission. And she knew Steve, like everybody else, hated unsuccessful missions. He was leaning against a wall, both arms crossed over his chest with a hard, stony look on his face. He didn't speak to anyone, stuck in his little world.

And she didn't want to be an inconvenience by whining about the flesh wound on her back. Especially if he hadn't noticed that she was in pain.

Either way, she planned on patching it up herself, and then going to bed, hoping that the storm would calm enough for the next day. And if she were feeling luxurious, she might even go to the med bay to get the wound checked on.

Except she hadn't planned on the fact that the wound was efficiently placed on her back, therefore making it out of reach for her to clean it. And she was way too exhausted to ask anyone else or to even care about the matter. So she grabbed the bandages and wrapped them around her chest and back, leaving it like that before turning off the lights in her bathroom and throwing herself headfirst in the bed.

Not knowing Steve lay on the other side of the wall, waiting for her to come and say goodnight.

--

The next morning, the ache in her back had gotten worse, and her left shoulder strained whenever she tried to move it. She needed to get to the med bay at least once today. But first, she required a big cup of coffee.

When she made it out to the sunlit kitchen, the pain in her back had spread. Now, her head ached just as much, and every time she turned too fast, black splotches would show.

And earlier, when she changed her bandages the blood had entirely seeped through, leaving it soaked in red. But the blood had been diluted with another liquid, which she found mildly concerning.

She poured herself the coffee that was left in the coffee machine and put it in the microwave since it was cold. And while she stood there waiting she noted that the kitchen was empty, which was strange to be at this time of the day.

"Jarvis? Do you mind telling me where everyone is?" She asked the AI.

"I believe that Mr. Wilson is still sleeping." She let out a humorous scoff." Mr. Stark and Mr. Banner are currently in the lab. Ms. Romanoff in the training areas with Mr. Rogers."

(Name)s ears perked at the mention of him, and her mind spiraled into calculating thoughts. "Did Steve already eat breakfast?"

"Yes. An omelet, made of three eggs and a cup of coffee, one teaspoon of sugar, and milk." A frown tugged at her face. Steve never ate breakfast without her. Unless they were fighting, which was a rare happening. Steve believed that the most important meal of the day was breakfast, and therefore always made sure that (Name) ate it with him. But so that he could have company, and also make sure that she ate enough.

"Alright then. Thank you, Jarvis." She smiled up to the roof, hoping that he could see her appreciativeness. Then she made a beeline back to her room with a downturn of her brow, planning to do paperwork before throwing herself into her, not so fantastic anymore, day. Completely forgetting her visit to the med bay.

--

Paperwork had always been a somewhat calming thing to do for her to relax, turn off her brain, and go on autopilot. Often when she was stressed, Steve found her with her nose in her computer typing away without any knowledge around her. It always worked.

Except for today.

The pain in her head only got worse after all the caffeine, and she couldn't lean back into her chair either because of her back. And not only that, but thoughts of Steve plagued her mind. And not the good, lovey-dovey thoughts. But instead, the toxic, poisoning thoughts were so loud that it was the only thing she heard.

She had no idea what to do about their situation. And she was really afraid that she had accidentally done something the day before to upset him, giving her a reason for his strange and unlike actions.

"Mr. Rogers would like me to alert you that there is a team meeting in the conference room in five minutes." She jumped in her chair and a small yelp left her lips as Jarvis spoke, making her back strain. And that made her wince painfully.

"I apologize. It was not my intention to frighten you." A grimace covered (Name)s face in an attempt to smile, and she carefully rubbed her shoulder.

"Don't worry about it. I was just stuck in my head."

"How so?" And (Name) went quiet. She hadn't expected a question from him.

"Nothing special." She absentmindedly hummed for an answer, and that seemed to get Jarvis less curious.

"If you say so. 3 minutes left." And with that, she quickly grabbed her things and bolted out of her quarters, right towards the elevator.

--

She turned out to arrive just in time as Fury was about to close the door, and she quickly slithered in, choosing a stool at the back of the table so that she wouldn't get questioning eyes on her. When she entered she could feel Steves's's stare burning into her skin, but she doesn't have the time nor thought to greet him, which would perhaps leave consequences for later. But now she just longed to sit down before she fainted.

She didn't even notice when Fury started speaking because blood was rushing through her ears, and beads of sweat ran down her neck, sending a shiver through her ice-cold and fire-hot body. It was like she running a fever in an ice bath. She dared to subtly raise a shaking hand towards her back, slightly touching the wound, only to have to suppress a wince and bring back blood-stained fingers.

She was at least wearing black.

Her attention shifted when Fury changed places with Steve, and let him take his place in the front. It was hard to know if she found it either positive or negative.

Positive because she could focus on something that brought her calm, and hear his voice instead of the roar in her ears. Focus on his plack t-shirt and nice fitting jeans, which was something he didn't wear often. How soft hir hair looked and his pink , kissable lips.

Negative because now he could see how colorless her face had become, along with a thin cover of sweat by her throat and her lifeless tired eyes.

And perhaps it made Steve speak a tad bit faster, and perhaps he skipped over some of the parts he was supposed to introduce. But it looked like his girlfriend was dying, and Fury didn't need to know that his two most capable agents were in a relationship.

He could her heartbeat picking up more and more as he spoke, and it was a relief for him when he could finally dismiss the team.

She slowly stood up as the rest of them collected their things and one by one filed out. But she couldn't do anything as quickly as she liked, not even walk. She had no choice but to take a tight grip on the chairs lined up, and use them as crutches.

And when Steve turned his back to gather a pile of papers, she took a breath, straightened her back, and took two quick steps towards the door. But Steve heard the increase of speed in her steps in quickly caught her arms in a fierce grip, stopping her from escaping.

"Damn it." She mumbled, making sure that Steve couldn't hear her. And then she turned her head to meet Steves's's eye, trying to look as normal as possible, which didn't trick Steve at all. Only made him more concerned.

"You alright?" He let both of his hands smooth over her shoulders and arms, looking at her with those blue, affectionate eyes.

"Mhm!" She hummed, trying to sound as carefree as possible while plastering a smile on her face. But he didn't look convinced. Not at all.

He let his left hand travel up to her cheek, and he was about to say something. But when his palm touched her cheek, he flinched and removed his palm to see that it was damp.

"Steve-" She warned, but it was no idea. He had already raised his sleeve and laid his wrist over her forehead. And she couldn't protest because his wrist was oh so warm while she had been freezing and sweating cold ever since she entered the room.

"You're burning." It didn't feel like she was.

"Are you sick?" He asked, a frown on his face as she felt for her temperature. "Why haven't you said anything?"He scolded, and she shrunk into herself as his hands continued to investigate her. Until his hand came in contact with her wound. And she recoiled away from his hand, trying to get as far away from the pain as possible. Tears gathered in her eyes at the fire in her back, and she glued them shut as she tried to let it pass.

Steve brought his hand up to see when he felt something on the tips of his fingers, and his eyes widened in horror. There was a vermillion stain on his fingers, running down his hand. And (Name) saw both concern and panic as he looked down at her, as she was now leaning against his chest, too tired to stand on her own.

"I'm fine, promise." She said, lime on autopilot.

"We need to get you to a doctor." He insisted, about to take her under the knees and carry her there. But the second he tried to m, she leaned away.

And the guilt was there again. Steves tired but pretty face showed concern and panic, but she wasn't supposed to make him concerned and panic. As his partner, she was there to make him calm, happy, and satisfied. Sure, if Steve would hide a wound like this one from her, she would be livid. But that's hardly classed as the same thing.

"It's fine Steve, I'm sure I can get there me."

He scoffed and looked almost hurt.

"No, you're not going anywhere yourself. Not by how you're looking"

A protest lay prepared on the tip of her tongue, but she didn't get further than opening her mouth before a strong wave of nausea and dizziness washed over her body. And she swayed, once, twice, before her footing came undone, and she lost all sense of balance.

And it felt like she fell into a warm pillow, or perhaps she was just delirious. But it truly resembled a warm, fluffy pillow. And she snuggled into it, ignoring the distant calls of her (Name). And Steve's breath got caught in his throat when he saw her closing her eyes in his arms.

--

Steve was aware that something was nagging his lover's mind, and he had been aware of it during the last week. It was like she walked on eggshells around him and it bothered him. Because something bothered her. Something about him bothered her.

He hadn't done anything differently, not that he was aware of. He hadn't said anything either. And he liked to think that he had a great memory.

And he still couldn't figure out why she didn't tell him about her injury. Banner had told him that she was lucky that the infections in her wound hadn't reached any further. But Steve had a hard time seeing anything positive with the situation at all.

Duobts clouded his mind and made it hard to think straight. How could he know that she hadn't hidden other injuries that she could've gotten?

As if her mind was connected to his, as if she heard his self-deprecating thoughts, she came to her senses and let out a long and low groan, snapping Steve out of his head.

He quickly discarded his block and pencil to the side, leaving the drawing on the small table by the side before crouching down to her height.

"(Name)?" He dared to ask, and his heart felt lighter when he saw her eyelids twitch in response. A sigh left her dry lips before her eyelids slowly cracked open and presented themselves to Steve, giving him a confirmation that she was there with him.

"Steve." It came as a breath, her voice warm with love as she saw the familiar face.

As light as a feather, he let his fingertips ghost along her temples, repeating the momentum over and over again. Her eyelids relaxed, and Steve's back tensed as she once again closed her eyes. But (Name) could feel his muscle become rigid, and let her hand gently enclose steves wrist, running circles on his inner arm as comfort. As she always did.

"Why didn't you tell me?" An audible sigh sounded from her mouth, and for a moment Steve was afraid that he had annoyed her. But her fingertips were still dancing along the expense of his arm, and he let that comfort him. Although, she didn't provide him with an answer.

"You can trust me. I want you to trust me." He reassured her, and vulnerability spilled through his voice. He grabbed her other hand that rested on her stomach, entangling their fingers.

"I do trust you." She hoarsely whispered, throat dry and mouth like sandpaper.

But when she forced her eyes open, Steve looked at her, unconvinced.

"Then why? Why didn't you tell me that you were in pain?"

She wanted to bathe in the softness of his voice. Get nurtured by it, drink it, and stay by the sound to the end of time. The fondness, bonded with her worrying, guilty, and anxious emotions from before created bittersweet sparks under her skin. And it took form as a watery mist, covering her live full irises.

"I do trust you, but I don't want to be a nuisance to you." She painfully admitted and laid her hand on his cheek as a peace offering." You work so hard to succeed Steve, so hard that when you don't succeed, you become very tense. I don't want to be there to make you even tenser."

He shut his eyes tightly and nuzzled his cheek further into her palm, and a drop of water fell from his eye, rolling down his summer-tinted cheeks.

"Why are you crying?" Worry etched in her brows, but he only shook his head.

"I made you think that you would be a burden to me whenever I felt a negative emotion." She shook her head, already beginning her protest." A partner is not supposed to do that (Name)."

He leaned down and kissed her forehead. "I'm sorry."

"Steve, it was not on you. You didn't make me feel like a burden. I did. And I'm sorry for not telling you about my injury." She smiled sadly at him when he kissed her palm.

"I want to take care of you, and comfort you. I want to be that person to you, so let me be that the next time." And she could only nodd, her heart being free from the shackles of heavy emotions. Instead, she felt light as a feather.

════════ ⋆★⋆ ════════

My requests are open;););;);)

right where you left me

PAIRING—steve rogers x avenger!fem!reader

SUMMARY—Steve finally askes you out for a dinner date but as you sat patiently at the restaurant, where was Steve?

WARNINGS—angst, steve being a jerk, no happy ending, kinda more focused on reader

A/N—idk if this is considered a song fic but some of the lyrics of Taylor's song is written in-between paragraphs so...

part 2 still a wip!

Matches burn after the other

Pages turn and stick to each other

Wages earned and lessons learned

But I, I'm right where you left me

The warm lights of the restaurant were supposed to make you feel cozy but contrary to what you were feeling, you felt anxious, nervous and everything all at once. It's been more than thirty minutes and Steve was still nowhere to be found. The agreed time was 7 pm and it's already close to 7:40. The slow pouring rain made your situation much more gloomy.

The anxiousness became worse as more minutes passed, Steve wasn't answering any of your texts or any of your calls. Your breathing got heavy as you clasped your hands together trying to keep your cool, deep down you were feeling scared that something bad happened to Steve. You didn't think much about what people might think of you at the moment, a beautiful woman who's sitting miserably at a cozy restaurant; alone. All you could think about is—where's Steve?

Help, I'm still at the restaurant

Still sitting in a corner I haunt

Cross-legged in the dim light

They say, "What a sad sight"

It was supposed to be a fantastic night for you because finally your long time crush Steve Rogers, Captain America finally asked you out on a date though from everyone's perspective you were totally in love with the man. You wouldn't deny that, you fought with him, bled for him and almost sacrificed everything you had for him. It was obvious but maybe not to him. You are undeniably, truly, completely and unconditionally in love with him.

You're a beautiful woman, that's what you believed but it did catch you off-guard that Steve suddenly asked you out on a date. Who wouldn't? But you've been his friend for years and you believed for the longest time Steve was always gonna love one woman and that being the one and only Peggy Carter or maybe his actual ex-girlfriend who he broke up with almost a year ago, his first love's niece, the impressive and beautiful agent Sharon Carter.

You felt pure euphoric happiness and countless butterflies danced in your stomach, it felt like a million fireworks erupted in your heart when Steve decided to ask you out. You remembered every part of that day, that night—that second that he dropped the ball and asked you the million dollar question like it was yesterday, well it was actually yesterday.

[ flashback ]

" report's suck don't they? "

" and here I thought being Captain America would excuse me from the paperwork " Steve chuckled as you sat beside him with your own reports.

" oh please your hobby is reading reports "

" I never said I liked writing them "

" well I guess were the only responsible ones here seeing as you have Natasha's pile and I have Tony's "

" more time to spend with me " Steve smirked as you breath a nervous laugh as his words caught you off-guard

" my, my Captain America being cocky? "

" don't deny it, you love my company sweetheart " Steve responds as he confidently holds your chin between his pointer finger and thumb, tilting it slightly as he makes you look at his breathtaking blue eyes. Your breath hitched momentarily.

You scoffed, turning away from him not believing Steve was actually being flirty with you.

" oh yes because everybody's dying for your presence, Oh? Mr. Rogers, would you please sign my chest? " You asked while doing a slightly higher pitched voice, you didn't want to make Steve think he can just play with you. You played along with his flirty antics as you suddenly opened your jacket making Steve choke on air which was your plan. You weren't wearing a revealing top but the action definitely caught Steve off-guard.

You laughed like an old man, having difficulty breathing as you laughed at the expression Steve did after your little stunt, his red face made you laugh uncontrollably and made you a coughing mess.

" you're not gonna win whatever game you're playing Rogers " You said as you went back to your reports, calming yourself from the laughing while Steve coughed to catch your attention once more.

" What if I wasn't playing a game? "

" Then what's with the random flirting Captain? planning on trying those moves on someone? "

" yes actually, you " He replies with no hesitation, you would've laughed if it wasn't for the serious expression he wore.

" —would you give me the honor of taking you out on a dinner date? " Steve continued as you fell silent, internally you were screaming and your heart immediately beat faster than normal as his words found your ears.

" Yes ... YES! of course " You reply with a smile, and seeing the wide grin on his face made you blush madly.

I, I swear you could hear a hair pin drop

Right when I felt the moment stop

Glass shattered on the white cloth

Everybody moved on

I, I stayed there

Dust collected on my pinned-up hair

You catch yourself smiling as you remember the events of yesterday's evening. You reminisced the comfortable silence that happened after, wide grins as the two of you did reports you didn't want to but the worst news came as you opened your phone that had a notification from Natasha. You smiled momentarily as you saw her name flash on the lock screen but your face fell immediately as you read the words she sent.

she's back

Those words made your legs feel weak as more anxiety filled your mind and your heart felt like it was slowly being chipped away by the tools used in carving stones.

please tell me it's not who I think it is

yup, Sharon's back and she went to Steve like she did nothing!

is Steve with her?

You hesitantly typed, scared of what the answer to the questions that naturally floated in your head might be. Different thoughts came to mind but you didn't want to judge Steve, he would never ditch you for his ex, not without informing you first in case he did. Wouldn't he?

Yeah ... He's with her, I'm sorry

Natasha answered, making you shut your eyes hoping everything was a dream and that the special blue dress you wore wasn't for nothing. Your eyes felt teary just as a waiter went to you asking if you needed assistance in which you replied with one bottle of wine, please. You hoped that maybe Steve would come to you after he talked to Sharon, that is if that's the only thing he was doing with her. That tiny hope ran out as you've realized you've been sitting at the cozy, warm restaurant alone and pathetically for three hours straight, you've finished the red wine long ago. Now, you just sat quietly and glanced outside where the rain stopped and the streets shined as the countless puddles reflected the street lights and shop signs.

You stayed there until the staff had to ask you to leave unless you actually ordered a meal but you didn't have the stomach to eat anything as you were just ditched by Steve, Steve the golden boy just ditched you for his bitch of an ex-girlfriend without even telling anything.

Right where you left me

You left me no, oh, you left me no

You left me no choice but to stay here forever

You left me, you left me no, oh, you left me no

You left me no choice but to stay here forever

You hailed a cab quickly after exiting the restaurant, you couldn't just walk in your state. You weren't drunk but you were probably tipsy enough to trip over nothing. The elderly cab driver dropped you off in front of the tower. You held your heels in one hand and your coat hanging loosely on your shoulders. The guard immediately let you in as he recognized you. You were sadly met by nobody inside the compound as you entered, not Steve—nobody. You knew Natasha went out for her nightly jog while the others you thought were just busy doing their own stuff.

You contemplated whether or not you'll confront Steve tonight. A couple minutes passed as you sat on the couch of the living area of the tower, your thoughts consuming you as you sat silently.

With a huff of a breath you stood up, shrugging your coat as you walked barefoot on the cold floor of the tower. You pressed the fifth floor where Steve's room is located, the ding of the elevator distracted you from your thoughts.

At the restaurant, when I was still the one you want

Cross-legged in the dim light, everything was just right

I, I could feel the mascara run

You told me that you met someone

The sound of your heart shattering was all you could hear as you watched the view In front of you—Steve and Sharon fricking Carter making out. Steve was kissing Sharon Infront of his door as she was about to leave when he heard the elevator open and there you stand, looking gorgeous in a silk blue dress. You stood pathetically in a blue dress that you wore for what would've been your date with Steve but instead you see him kissing another woman.

You momentarily spaced out, you didn't know what happened after but suddenly Steve was Infront of you and Sharon was nowhere to be found.

" Y/N! " Your eyes snap to Steve as they were previously gazing on the floor.

" So yesterday was really just a game huh? " You asked with a laugh even as your heart broke more that it already was, even if you knew that it was Sharon who owned his heart. You confidently looked at him straight in the eyes with your teary ones.

" Y/N I—Sharon was just here and she wanted to get back together and to be honest I still kinda have feelings for ... her " Steve tried to explain, failing as he saw the disappointment on your face, he knew it was an asshole move to ditch you but Sharon just knew how to keep him from leaving, to pull him back into their own little world.

He did genuinely like you, he did but Sharon made him think that she's the one, the only woman who'll truly make him happy and he stupidly believed that. His mind desperately believed Sharon and him were meant to be, that the break up was just a test on their relationship even as his heart silently shouted your name. He just didn't see how perfect you were for him.

" of course, it's always going to be her, she's perfect—she's a Carter after all " You brokenly said, sadness and jealousy evident in your voice. A bitter tone encasing your words as you felt rage.

" I liked you , I really do, you're a beautiful woman but Sharon is just ... and you’ll find someone better than me " Steve said while trying to hold your hand but you turned away completely giving him a cold shoulder.

" I understand perfectly Steve, you owe me no loyalty and that's okay—I guess I just expected more from you " your voice low as all your disappointment and heartbreak was put into words.

" No, i-its, I know that was not respectful of me to just leave you hanging and ditching our date but Sharon was just suddenly here and then she just kissed me and I—I caved, look I know this looks bad but— "

" Again, it's my mistake to have high expectations and if you'll excuse me I had a whole bottle of wine so I feel a bit sleepy, goodnight Steven " You replied as you quickly turned away from him and wiped the tears that threatened to fall.

“ Y/N … shit “ you heard Steve mutter as you entered the elevator but you ignored his words as you felt so close to breaking down, maybe you fell for him more than you realized as you felt like your heart was shattered to a thousand pieces.

I'm right where you left me

You left me no, oh, you left me no

You left me no choice but to stay here forever

You quickly walked out on Steve, the elevator ride felt like forever and as you unlocked your room you immediately dropped down on the floor. A deep sigh came out of your lips as you rested your head on the large metal door of your room, tears immediately escaping your eyes.

" how could I be so stupid!? God! , you just had to fall in love with someone like him huh? yes, how could little ol' me be ever good enough for the great Captain America, Sharon’s just perfect so—perfect and she’s beautiful ... she's gorgeous "

" How could Steve not love her? "

You talked to yourself hoping Steve wouldn't hear it with his super hearing ability. You sat and stared at the ceiling questioning how stupid it was to actually think Steve was a perfect guy, well not perfect but you at least expected that he wasn't a jerk like the other guy's you've dated.

You didn't know how long you stayed on the floor crying as you felt intense heartbreak, ironic that he wasn't even yours to lose, but you stayed there crying your heart out—probably longer than the time you spent waiting at the restaurant.

sparks

pairing: steve rogers x black!reader, steve rogers x natasha romanoff (mentioned briefly)

summary: you and steve were soulmates you just never knew you weren’t the only soulmate he had.

warnings: soulmate au, kind of lovers to strangers trope

a/n: once again i am using my past heartbreak as motivation to write.

not proofread

if you would like to be on my taglist please contact me!

i had once heard that people could have more than one soulmate and i believed that, there was no way that out of seven billion people in this world only one was meant for you.

steve rogers was someone who i never expected to be my soulmate, i expected someone who worked a normal 9-5 not a superhero.

many people said that you knew when you found your soulmate because it was like a magnet drawing you two, that was exactly what if felt like.

steve and i hit it off instantly and before i knew it four years had passed us by, it was great and i would never have wished for anything else.

sadly something in our relationship had shifted, steve was distant but so was i and honestly i had no idea how it happened.

when steve was working out i noticed that he had the mark of an hourglass on him, i instantly knew that he had more than one soulmate. from then on i started to distance myself even more, whenever steve would get into bed i would turn away from him or whenever we would hug or kiss i would make it short.

steve had definitely taken a notice to it, there wasn’t any way he hadn’t. steve distance himself as well, doing all of the same things i did.

part of me hoped he would bring it up and part of me hoped he didn’t, i didn’t want to loose him but i also didn’t want to hold him back from his other soulmates love.

everyday i looked at that mark and wondered if he knew but there was no way he didn’t.

months passed by and he still never brought it up, at this point we were just walking on eggshells.

we sat at the dinner table eating in silence like we had been for the last couple of months, i looked up at him and saw him reading the paper and eating.

once we finished eating we both took time to wash the dishes together like we always did, i sadly realized that this might be the last time we ever do the things we normally do.

i felt myself start to tear up but i quickly blinked them away, i wasn’t going to cry it was only going to make this harder. we finished washing and drying the dishes before walking into the living room to catch up on the recent show we’ve been watching.

halfway through the episode i looked over at steve who was already looking at me, he had a sad expression on his face as he looked at me and i knew it was time.

“i know” a tear falls down his face as the i look at him “i’m sorry” he apologizes and i shake my head as he starts crying. i shed a tear seeing him in such a broken state “it’s ok, i knew along time ago i was just waiting for you to come to terms” the tears fall from my eyes and he wiped them away.

“i don’t want to leave you” he continues to cry and i cry with him “you have someone who’s waiting to meet you and had been all of their life, i had my turn and i wouldn’t trade it for anything” i grab his hand and hold it tightly “i’ve had an amazing five years with you, go out at meet whoever it is you need to meet i’ll be ok” i do my best to assure not just him but myself that everything will be fine.

“i love you” i cry even more as the words leave his mouth for the last time “i love you too steve so much” i place my hand on his cheek and rub it with my thumb.

he leans in and kisses me one last time, we put all of our passion and love for each other into that kiss. i pull away and smile at him sadly “go steve i’ll be alright” i rub his arm gently before he gets up and walks away.

i look down at my arm and see the mark start to fade away, i watch as the mark leaves my skin.

sparks eventually burn out and sadly so did ours

strangers again

pairing: steve rogers x black!reader

summary: you and steve had a lot of changes in your relationship but you never intended to end up at square one again.

warnings: strangers to lovers and lovers to strangers trope, injury and memory loss.

a/n: y’all probably hate me for all of the sad ass content i have been writing lately but i swear i’m just trying to get all of the ideas out of my head while they are still there.

to join my taglist message me :)

strangers to friends

“do you mind if i sit here” i looked up from my computer to see a man with beautiful blue eyes looking at me. “sure” i smile at him and he takes the seat across front me.

“so what brings you here captain” i smile as he chuckles “just wanted some coffee before going back to my superhero duties” i laugh at his response before really talking a good look at him, he’s beautiful, his jawline is perfect, eyes a beautiful blue, and his lips full and soft.

“did anyone ever tell you about stranger danger?” his question makes me laugh “yes but you are a stranger who looks like he doesn’t mean any harm” he smiles at my respose “and besides you aren’t really a stranger to me if anything you should be worried about me, i could be a supervillain just waiting to kill you” he raises an eyebrow with a small smile “and are you” he asks “oh absolutely not” we share a laugh.

we had been talk for what felt like hours, he was incredibly funny and kind. he told some amazing stories but also listened to mine, i could tell he wanted to have a conversation on anything other than aliens and saving the world.

his phone went and his smile slowly disappeared “duty calls” i nod as he gets his things together. “before i go is it ok if i get your number” i smile and nods before writing my name and number down on a napkin, i hand him the napkins with a smile. “good luck cap” he smiles and nods before walking out of the coffee shop.

friends into lovers

i walked throughout the hospital look for steve’s room, sam had called me telling me that he had a fight and that he got beat up pretty bad. i look around until i found the number and walked into the room quietly, i saw steve laying in the hospital bed unconscious.

i closed the door behind me before looking over at sam “how is he” i ask as fear spread through my chest. “he’ll be alright he’s just unconscious right now” i nod before walking over the other side of his bed.

after a while sam left and i was still in the room, the nurse brought me a blanket and some snacks for the night. i eventually got tired so i laid my head on the side of his bed and drifted off to sleep.

**

i felt a hand shake me gently and i whined before pushing it away, i heard a chuckle i recognized and opened my eyes. i turned my head and saw steve smiling at me “morning sleeping beauty” i smile as he chuckles.

i hesitantly put my had on his face and rub his cheek gently “you alright” i ask and he nods “i’m fine sweetheart” he asssures and i nod as the tears i had been holding in fell. “hey hey don’t cry” i wipe my tears before sniffling “i’m sorry i just thought i was going to lose you an-“ before i could finish he kissed me, the kiss was gently and passionate.

we pulled away in need of some air, we smile at each other before giggling like little kids. “i’ve been meaning to do that for a long time” i smiles as he touches my cheek and rubs it.

“i love you y/n”

“i love you too steve”

my phone rang as i was driving, i was at a red light so i picked it up and saw tony calling me. i answered it and put it on speaker “hello” i pressed the gas pedal as the light turned green “y/n we need you to get back to the compound now it’s steve”

without saying a word i turned around in the middle of the street and made my way to the compound, i broke about every traffic law there was to get to the compound.

when i got there i didn’t even bother to park right, i got out of the car and ran towards the medical ward. when i got there i walked into the room and saw everyone surrounding the bed steve way laying in, i walked towards him and saw that he was beaten pretty badly.

everyone moved out of my way and i sat down in the chair next to the bed like i had done many times before, i held his hand and rubbed it with my thumb. he looked over at me and i smiled as a tear of relief fell down my face.

he pulled his hand way from mine and my smile dropped, i look at him with a confused expression “who are you ?”

and strangers again

favorite crime

pairing: steve rogers x black!reader

summary: steve never knew but he was your favorite crime

warning: cheating??

a/n: this is a rewrite of one of my old one shots that i accidentally deleted.

2014

“i made some calls back in russia and this is all i could get for you” nat says handing me the files and i smile. “thank you so much” she smiles before hugging me, i hug her back tight before pulling away.

“you really care about him don’t you” she asks and i nod “good because he really needs someone like you in his life” i smile at her before hugging her again.

2016

i was sitting in my cell staring at the blank wall in front of me as tears fell down my face, i felt like a fucking idiot but steve got his bestfriend back.

“y/n” i hear from beside me, i look over and tony looking at me sadly. “hey” i greet as i stand up to walk towards the glass that’s separating us.

“i’m so sorry tony” more tears fall down my face as i apologize to him, he shakes his head “love makes you do some stupid shit i would know” i nod as give me a small smile.

“he’s going to come back for you don’t worry, he loves you too”

2018

“miss y/l/n i am not letting you help an enemy of the state back into the country” ross says and i huff in annoyance. “this threat is beyond the government ross, this is half of all life we are talking about not just earth but every other planet in the universe” i reason and he sighs.

“y/n you have been romantic with mr. rogers i have no reason but to believe that you have a certain opinion on him” he says and i roll my eyes “this has nothing to do with what happened between me and rogers two years ago this is about the state of the universe so either you let me do it your way or i do it my way” i warn.

“fine” he sighs and i smile “thank you so much general”

2023

“y/n i’m not doing this i’m sorry” tony says and i nod as morgan plays with one of my braids. “i know tony you’ve got everything you want now and i’m not trying to ruin that all i’m asking you to do is think about it” he sighs before nodding.

“i see he finally did it” he says nodding towards my hand that has a ring on it “yeah i really wanted you to be there but you had your reasons” he nods before smiling at me.

“if he fucks up you let me know alright” i laugh at tony’s warning and soon he joins in too.

now

steve fucked up and he fucked up big time and tony wasn’t here to fuck him up.

i looked at the bench where an older steve sat staring off into the distance, his hair was now a silver instead of a blond and his physique has changed a lot but most of all he has a band on his hand.

i knew exactly what he did and my heart broke, more like shattered. bucky pulled me into him and rubbed my back gently as sam talked to steve, i clung onto bucky like my life depended on it as i felt my knees get weak.

i felt a tap on my shoulder and i looked over my shoulder and see same nodding at me, i nod back before wiping my tears and letting go of bucky.

i took a deep breath before walking over to the bench that steve was sitting on, i sat down next to him and stared of into the distance.

as we sit in silence i think of every happy memory we shared and how he probably wasn’t happy, instead thinking of what his life would be like with peggy and i just being there to fill the empty space for a while.

i shed a few tears as i take the ring off of my finger before placing it in the space between us, i get up and walk away from him leaving him alone.

Bro I highly recommend this story so far so good

SUBURBAN PLEASURE MASTERLIST

18+

sex worker!steve au.

series status: ongoing.

series summary: hibiscus Iane is a pleasant place to live. hardly anything worth mentioning ever happens here. say, have you seen the handsome man who just moved into number 99?

series warning: sex worker!steve x housewife!reader, adultery, mentions infertility, fluff, angst, smut, depictions of rough sex inc. bdsm, mature themes.

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The Last Breath || Steve Rogers x reader

Summary: Fight against Thanos takes a dramatic turn.

Warnings: Major character’s death, overall sadness.

Words: 1600

Request by: @herdofsambars

Authors: Rouge & Cass

Everything was incredibly still.

The pain that once burned like fire had faded away to an icy numbness. You didn’t pay attention to it anymore. You were running through the jungle, just to find Steve. You had to find Steve. It was your target.

And when you saw him getting injured by Thanos who was laughing at his own actions, you felt like your soul has split.

There was something in that shout, a pain behind it. You simply watched. You watched Steve’s eyes. Then you knew that the anger was nothing but a shield for pain, like a cornered soldier randomly throwing out grenades, scared for his life, lonely, desperate. You breathed in real, looking Thanos straight in the eye, and when he dissapeared, you approached Steve slowly, sanking on your knees right next to him.

Steve looked at you trying to force a comforting smile, he already knew what was coming.

He lowered his glance and looked at the bloody spot right in the middle of a place where a silver star from his uniform used to be.

“It will be okay,” he tried his best to assure you but was there really a point?

He could feel every inch of his body screaming from pain, his breath was getting rapid and the wound was bleeding heavily, staining his uniform.

Was it really his end? Steve could feel how his body began to give up and he slumped completely on the ground, grabbing your arm tightly, he could feel the panic rising in his mind. Right now, the brave Captain America was gone, there was only Steve Rogers, just a scared boy from Brooklyn.

“Crystal…,” he breathed out.

You inhaled a trembling breath, sweat accumulating on your skin, an icy cold.

“Yes? Yes, Steven?” You asked, barely moving your lips.

You reached out and touched his cheek.

Steve was getting pale slowly and you did anything you could to hold your tears back.

‘It’s… It’s getting so cold, why..?“ Steve mumbled. Even talking was getting harder, he tried to desperately squeeze your arm harder in a quiet scream for help but all he could do was to twitch his fingers, he was losing control, and this was sending even bigger waves of fear through his already weak body.

Steve tried to move, grasping onto remained vestiges of his strengths, he could simply feel how gravitation was pulling him toward the ground and he could do nothing about this.

Stain on his uniform was only getting bigger and bigger, it was already reaching his stomach and blood didn’t stop pouring out of the wound.

"Crystal… Please… Do something! Save me… I don’t wanna vanish…” Steve thought that he was screaming but in fact, it was nothing more than a pathetic whimper of a person that was looking for a salvation.

Just like those clouds above, your insides were in a chaos. A mess. Something was bothering you. Something was hurting you. Something ached inside you. Something felt so wrong, so invalid but you couldn’t tell what. You tried to pin point the cause for this unexplained pain but failed. You tried to reason this unbearable burning but didn’t find any. Everything felt so confused, just like a jumbled set of a puzzle.

And then you realized. Previously unspoken fear has torn your insides apart, from mind to soul.

Steve was dying and there was nothing you could have done to help him, to save his life like he’s done many times for you.

“Breathe…,” you whispered, leaning over him, “I’m with you, you’re not alone… I’m with you till the end of the line.”

“Crystal… Crystal, please, help me… I can’t feel my legs. Why my chest… Why is it so heavy?” Steve asked with a quiet whimper.

With every minute Steve felt like strength was draining out of him, he couldn’t move, he was cold, and every breath was painfully hard to take.

He wasn’t ready to go, he didn’t want to go.

He was Captain America himself but on the other hand maybe it was a good thing.

Steve was fighting through his whole life. Maybe it was a good time to give up? With these thoughts, Steve calmed down and embraced the fact that he was drifting away into the darkness. This was his real salvation, no more fighting nor saving the world.

He smiled at you weakly while his eyes filled with tears. “Is this the end Crystal, right? Do you think they all are waiting for me? All of my friends? Mom and dad? Peggy?”

You simply sobbed into his chest unceasingly, hands clutching at his uniform covered in dirt, blood and dust.

Steve held you in silence, rocking you a bit as your tears soaked his chest. A tiny lapse let you pull away, blinking lashes heavy with tears, before you collapsed again, your howls of misery worsening. The pain must have come in waves, minutes of sobbing broken apart by short pauses for recovering breaths, before hurling you back into the outstretched arms of his grief.

“Don’t leave me, Steve. Just hold on, I will get help for you, just wait for me, and don’t close your eyes. We will pull you out of this, okay? Just don’t you dare to close your eyes, Rogers!” Your grief has turned into a panic mixed with dose of helplessness.

You looked around, trying to figure out where you could have started with looking for other team members but you were too afraid to leave Steve alone.

Steve took your cheeks into his hands, looking you right in the eyes. “Crystal, it’s over, I can’t fight anymore. I’m afraid this is the end,” he said quietly and pressed his lips to yours. It was his goodbye to you, the death was slowly coming to harvest his soul.

Was he scared? He couldn’t tell, he was truly scared of what was coming but at the same time, he felt happy. Steve was going into a better place, where everyone was awaiting him.

His hand slipped into your palm. “Crystal, please. Be brave and don’t cry. I had a wonderful life here, I couldn’t ask for more. Finish what we all have started,” Steve smiled at you slightly as his eyelids became heavier. He started to slowly drifting away, and at this point no one could stop it.

You became quiet, yet you have wanted to scream and shout all these emotions out of you, it would be easier that way. Unfortunately, your throat was swollen, so you couldn’t even properly breathe.

You laid next to him, nuzzling into his neck, trying to be as close as it was possible.

“I’m sorry, for all I’ve done, for how awful person I was many times, for all the moments when I disobeyed you…,” you were counting quietly. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t have saved you, Steve… Forgive me, my love…”

You pulled up a bit to reach his pale lips. You pressed yours to his for the very last time, letting the tears roll down your cheeks.

*********

Steve felt weird, he expected to see nothing but darkness, instead he felt the warmth.

He looked down at his body, inspecting every little inch; his uniform, blood and whole suffering were gone.

The place was warm and oddly familiar, Steve looked around and then recognized it. It was one of those places where young soldiers used to hang out before they were sent on the front.

“Excuse me, handsome,” he heard a voice and felt like someone grabbed his palm. “I believe you promised me a dance, sir.”

Steve turned his head only to see Peggy smiling at him.

He gladly returned the smile. “I believe so, too,” Steve answered and followed Peggy on a dance floor.

Steve wrapped his arms around her waist while she wrapped hers around his neck. “You did a great job, soldier but the war is over now, Steve. No more fighting, no more suffering,” Peggy whispered and gently caressed his cheek.

“I know,” Steve nodded and smiled.

*********

The sun shone brilliantly and the virescent colour of the spring day under it’s glare was offensively bright and cheerful. It was as if they conspired to show you how the world would go on without Steve. It shouldn’t. Everything should be as grey and foggy as my emotions, it should be cold and damp with silent air. But the birds still sang and the flowers still bloomed. You walked through the churchyard like a silhouette of yourself, wishing you really were as insubstantial as the shadows so that your insides might not feel so mangled.

The battle against Thanos was lost. Not many of your colleagues have survived.

But now, all of you met up again, at the funeral of Captain America. And you were the one to make a speech.

“I could write a million letters, each one the same as the last in sentiment and cadence. They stay the same, only the word arrangement changes. It boils down to one thing, we all miss you…,” you said, trying to keep your head straight, “You should be here. Ultimately, no one knows if that is selfish or not and even if it is, to hell with the rest of the world and their opinions. You should be here. I miss you. Your pretty blue eyes, beautiful smile, wily heart, torn mind, and kind, tortured soul. My heart is missing an integral piece, a part that keeps it from working correctly. I miss you, Steven Grant Rogers. And I do hope you finally found your peace.”

Pandies🐼: @blue-dragon-ice @calkingwood @imidarogerson @grossograsso @thewildgardensstuff @irai-lauri @leven-and-ashley @la-verdura @bearded-steve-rogers @sebbystan-plantlover @atuckyismylife @krispyjellyfishzombie @personality-within @haseki-huricihan @choppedgardenwhispers @vroobelek @lattimelka @chris-beamz @hidden-secrets69 @side-blog-of-me @purepearls @i-am-margerita @volcanoxxx @kastrup-sofie @mikkal-akasaki @withoutashadowofhope @radbluebirdeagle @marvel-fan-site @smutloversblog @buquete @super-psycho-love69 @tanglesss @peter-sommer @baysidewest @vegemania @philip-stan @chodiusmmm @subwaystunnel @tykorclint @dagger-dragger @kurant @nothing-can-least-forever @oxfordkipemb @deliciousbouquet90 @tuptuptup @hellenna80 @karina-marina9 @latimeriaaa @bratko @wurld89 @scott-evans @kiss-me-rouge @ovonel-espaniol @dancing-tacco @ratugadhi @white-tiger-shangrila @axn69 @eternal-life-awaits @mrs-laura-harmon @artsy-inside @gleeeeees @darkllaama @jatut @agawux @fuzzy-tigrrr @jrjohnsson2  @cassandbeast @maaargoshaaa @dontgetmewrongman @einexx @nwmtagsb @anini71  @secretlygrantaire @kyloren-supreme-ben @infinity-stones-seeker @thehappyspider @wings4life @huxyluxy @dontbeafraidchild @misafiryanki @electronicpatrolcollective @thisismysecrethappyplace @aulika @hidden-secrets69 @a-happy-wolf

The Blizzard || Steve Rogers x Reader Oneshot

Summary: Steve and Y/N are married and they deal with Steve’s PTSD. Steve, after snap of Thanos' fingers, has gotten it again but this time it hit him harder. In the winter scenery , reader does her best to calm her man down.

Warnings: none

Words: 1088

Request by: @porgswillrullgalaxymotherfucker

Authors: Rouge

In the blizzard there was no way to know which direction to go, the usual landmarks were hidden behind the white that swirled so densely.

You could feel you blood cool and your skin become icy. They shouldn't have come, not in this weather, but there was no other choice, Steve’s PTSD caught him harder than ever before.

Steve has always loved the flowers and the birds, loved the sunlight and the clouds that drift by. He has always loved the way the leaves move in a breeze and that soft whispering sound they make, like nature loves to chatter too. Yet the tiredness that begun a while ago remained like a veil over his skin, grey and cold. And as he watched the petals and the twigs that sway outside the window, there was only a creeping sorrow where there should be joy.

You, as Steve’s wife, were trying so hard to help him, yet failed. No doctor nor therapy were successful. Steve’s condition has gotten even worse in past three months.

It was when you’ve made a decision about leaving Washington. You’ve found a cozy cottage house near White Mountains,  New Hampshire. Gladly, Steve agreed on that idea, and soon you both were on your way.

And now, you were finishing a dinner, while Steve was laying on the couch, reading some book that you’ve discovered on the shelf in the little living room.

When you set everything on the table, you looked at Steve, smiling gently at him. “Darling, dinner’s ready.”

His eyes met yours, he simply nodded and closed the book, leaving it on the couch as he got up and took a seat at the opposite side of the table.

You were eating in the silence, from time to time Steve was looking up at you, remaining quiet.

Soon the dinner was finished, and you went to wash the dishes. You were surprised seeing, how Steve joined you in the kitchen and started wiping plates.

“How are you?” You asked slightly.

“It’s better. But I am not sure. Let’s just say it’s okay for now,” he responded, shrugging.

You couldn’t help but giggled loudly. “I just hope this place will help you get your strengths back, Steve,” you looked at him briefly, then focused on the dishes again. “It’s so calm and silent here, isn’t it?”

“Yes, it is, doesn’t it bother you, Y/N?” His voice became softer, Steve leant his hip against the kitchen counter, still wiping plates and putting them to the nearest cabinet.

“Me? No, not at all, actually I needed this after all that urban uproar, you know?” You stated simply.

Steve smirked a bit, and the conversation was over. It was still a good sign that he eventually was talking to you instead of running away…

*****************

It was late in the evening.

Steve looked out of the window at the blizzard. He watched a driveway disappear in the sure knowledge that he'd only have to dig it out again in the morning.

“It’s snowing. Again,” Steve admitted.

You raised your glance to look at him. “Don’t bother with it. We’re in the warm house, there’s nothing bad to happen,” you smiled, but you noticed how his facial expression has changed, so you put a papers you were filling aside and got up to approach him. “Steve… What’s wrong?” You put hand on his muscular shoulder. “Are you feeling fine?”

As soon as you touched him you felt, how tensed his muscles were. He was about having another anxiety attack, you good knew this.

“Hey, handsome, come here,” you slipped your palm to his, tangling your fingers together as you pulled him to the couch.

You sat down, so did he. His steel blue eyes found yours, and the only thing you saw in them was sadness. A huge sadness.

“Steve,” your voice was nothing more but a whisper, “It wasn’t your fault. No one could have saved them. No one,” you claimed.

Steve put his face in his hands, he was sobbing slightly. And suddenly he shouted out loudly: “There are days when my head just doesn't work! I try so hard to focus and it's like trying to run through water. My brain fogs up and thoughts go nowhere at all. Sometimes I think its natures anesthesia, anything to numb the pain, to wipe out the trauma. Then there are the times of clarity, sudden moments when I can see every detail and feel every feeling. The trigger can be anything...,” Steve explained quietly, “And I see those faces over and over again. I could have saved them…,” he was breathing hard, he paled on his face.

You lowered your head. Truth was that you also were having very difficult time lately, but you wanted to stay strong, for him.

“At the start I hoped it was a process to wipe out the bad memories, to stop me reliving them to well-meaning askers. Now I know it's not so simple,” Steve added, looking at you. “I don’t know if I will survive all this, Y/N.”

He laid his back down, placing his head on your lap, and you smiled. You started playing with his bangs, gently scratching his nape with other hand.

Steve closed his eyes and purred lazily. “I don’t know what I’d do without you, Y/N,” man declared openly. “I’d be already gone…”

“Shush, Mr Rogers,” you leant down to place a kiss to kiss forehead.

Steve hummed softly and moved a bit, so his lips met yours as he gave the kiss back. “It’s you who makes me calm everytime,” he opened his eyes, looking up at you.

You chuckled a bit and booped his nose with your index finger. “I’ve told you a thousand times – it’s gonna get better. It just takes time to heal. Like a wound,” you tangled your fingers in his bangs, and Steve reached his hand out to caress your cheek.“You know, I like this cold. Cold is good if you are warm inside, just the same as we love ice in the summer time,” he laughed shortly. “Even on the coldest days of winter the sun is bright in the sky, bringing a bit of joy to my heart. Even now, when we can’t go back to the world that we knew before.”

You smiled. “That’s good, Steve. I’m happy you’re getting better,” you said, looking at the fire that was cracking in the fireplace. “We’ll make through it, I promise.”

And it was still snowing outside.

Pandies🐼: @blue-dragon-ice @calkingwood @imidarogerson @grossograsso @thewildgardensstuff @irai-lauri @leven-and-ashley @la-verdura @bearded-steve-rogers @sebbystan-plantlover @atuckyismylife @krispyjellyfishzombie @personality-within @haseki-huricihan @choppedgardenwhispers @vroobelek @lattimelka @chris-beamz @hidden-secrets69 @side-blog-of-me @purepearls @i-am-margerita @volcanoxxx @kastrup-sofie @mikkal-akasaki @withoutashadowofhope @radbluebirdeagle @marvel-fan-site @smutloversblog @buquete @super-psycho-love69 @tanglesss @peter-sommer @baysidewest @vegemania @philip-stan @chodiusmmm @subwaystunnel @tykorclint @dagger-dragger @kurant @nothing-can-least-forever @oxfordkipem @deliciousbouquet90 @tuptuptup @hellenna80 @karina-marina9 @latimeriaaa @bratko @wurld89 @scott-evans @kiss-me-rouge @ovonel-espaniol @dancing-tacco @ratugadhi @white-tiger-shangrila @axn69 @eternal-life-awaits @mrs-laura-harmon @artsy-inside @gleeeeees @darkllaama @jatut @agawux @fuzzy-tigrrr @jrjohnsson2  @cassandbeast @maaargoshaaa @dontgetmewrongman @einexx @nwmtagsb @anini71  @secretlygrantaire @kyloren-supreme-ben @infinity-stones-seeker @thehappyspider @wings4life @huxyluxy @dontbeafraidchild @misafiryanki @electronicpatrolcollective @thisismysecrethappyplace @aulika @hidden-secrets69 @a-happy-wolf

Pairing: Sad!Steve rogers x female reader

Summary: Sirius, the brightest yet loneliest star in the galaxy.

Word count: 700

A weak person can always be spotted in a crowd, whether it's the builders on the subway with hands too tired to hold themselves up right on the journey home after a long day of work, or the bags and tear stains under the nurses eyes, concealing each and every secret the brain no longer has the capacity to handle, or the accountants slouched over their desks, faces in the palms of their hands, eyes squinting at the screens infront of them as they turn cloudy. However, the signs are more difficult to spot in those who believe being strong is their only choice.

Steve rogers was deemed as the 'Strongest Avenger' amongst his comrades, although tony would definitely have something to say about that if he was here. Due to his long hundred years of life, it seemed pretty obvious that after all those years of experience and change, most would have given up a long time ago, but not Steve Rogers. Steve had always kept up his golden boy status in public, not even a strand of his blonde, wispy hair out of place or pimple on his soft, creamy skin could take away his shine. He believed if people knew the real him, his reputation would suceed him if they knew the truth hidden behind his brave front.

Steve enjoyed sitting by the ocean, it helped that the cabin they had been hiding away from the world in was a short walk away from the beach. Water had always calmed Steve, he related to it in a way. Like a mirror, it has the ability to shows us what we cannot see in ourselves. The way even the calm and still ocean could turn in almost an instant to crashing waves, seeking destruction, it was almost human. Human like him.

"St-Steve?" Your voice called out, closing in on him.

He gave no response as he sat on the rusted bench amongst the pebbles and sand, staring into the sea. Almost as if he didn't even hear the voice calling his name.

"Steve" You said again, only when he felt your hand on his shoulder, caressing him gently did he turn to look at you. His eyes and nose were red and puffy, tears staining his cheeks. Your heart broke seeing him so distraught.

"Oh, sweetheart" you whispered, as you sat next to him, pulling him into a hug, as he accepted your embrace, his thick arms wrapped around your much smaller frame. His skin was cold and blistering, which was all you needed to understand that he had been out there for far too long.

"I'm so tired" he sobbed into your shoulder, your hair becoming wet with tears. You shushed his cries pulling him impeccably closer than he already was. You sat in silence for a short while, thinking about everything that led up to this moment, everything steve had been through and every decision he made that led to you.

“You know, Sirius is the brightest most beautiful star in the entire galaxy, yet the furthest from any connection to other life forms, deeming it the loneliest star to have ever existed” you whispered gently as he slowly looked up from your shoulder, his vision still clouded from the liquid drops of salted sadness.

“You don’t have to be alone anymore” you said gently. “I’ll always be here for you steve, no matter what happens, no matter how far from each other we end up, just look up to the night sky and you’ll find me.”

“I love you” he sputtered, his azure gaze blazing in admiration. “And i love you, forever and always” you repeated back, using your thumb to wipe his tears, caressing his milky skin. Kissing his soft lips faintly. Your other hand massaging his blonde locks as he curled into you.

The blue sky now turned black watched over you as you held each other, the pale moon shined down almost replenishing the light that had previously been lost. “We’re going to be okay, as long as i have you, and you have me, nothing in this godforsaken world can hurt us.”

AAH! my first ever fic! what do you guys think?!🥺 any feedback would be much appreciated whether its negative or positive!💞 please reblog and comment! Much love, cherry🍒❤️

➼ 𝑳𝑶𝑽𝑬𝑹’𝑺 𝑩𝑰𝑵𝑫 (17+) 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒍𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒆

theme — a marvel zombie au!

pairings — bucky barnes x fem!reader, steve rogers x fem!reader

warnings — marriage troubles, slight fluff, training, slight angst

summary — the outbreak had happened as quick as the first bite. one, then two, then 1/3 of the population became 2/3’s. before any of the avengers could comprehend this threat, it overcame them with new york’s rising population becoming undead. bucky is your protector, not by choice but by chance he was there just in time to save you. you two flew the compound, leaving the life you knew. leaving your husband to rot. as you two grapple what this new world has become, everything became too much. the world depended on you guys to save them, but how could you save anyone now? and when the blood runs and the nights become colder, who will save you?

➽────────────────────❥

Unbeknownst to the entire compound, the United States Eastern coast has became initially exposed to its impending demise.

The spread began in the north of Maine,  at 2:13 am, September 27th.

—

Sun dripped into your windows as the birds chirped and sang their songs. You could feel the rising warmth kiss your skin, your eyes crinkle before widening at the blaring noise of your alarm.

6 am.

"Steeeeve..." You grumble out, tossing your covers over your eyes and tossing the other way.

The alarm's blaring noise answered you instead.

"STEEEEVE!" You yell out again, wavering your hand blindly to swat at the annoying piece of scrap on your bedside table.

The alarm's annoyance continued.

"Ugh.." You submit, tossing your cover over and cutting the box's voice short before it could continue its belligerence.

You sit up, yawning and stretching your arms outward. You blink and let your eyes adjust to the sun's colors, greeting you unwarranted.

You turn and find your husband's spot... empty. It's neatly folded as-well. You scan the room, looking for a trace to as where any sign of Steve could've placed. Nothing in sight.

You get up, tidying your bed to twin with Steve's side. You slide into your slippers and grab your morning robe that hanged on a door rack of your closest which you draggingly coated yourself into. You noticed Steve's was still there. You round the bed, noting Steve's slippers were placed beside a wall, not in front of the bed as he set them before he slept.

He must've started the day without you already.

You roll your eyes. You get he likes a fresh start to the day, but you love the mornings you awake with him together especially.

Figuring the previous, you grab your clothes for the day and bathing supplies. Can't trust leaving your soaps in the community showers after Captain Marvel took a visit and was curious to what each Earth product was the best for her hair. Although she is currently off planet, it became a better idea to keep things in each other's room after using.

You walk down the halls, yawning and stretching. You pass Wanda just before she re-enters her room, already completed with her shower. "Morning Y/N!" you hear her greet, and you say the same to her in kind, a little more tired, before following with another yawn. "Morning Wanda."

You soon enter the community showers, the woman's and men divided but placed across each other. You hear some men inside, and know everyone is now starting their day if they haven't already.

"Morning sunshine." You look and see Natasha, wearing her morning robe and dampening her hair with a towel before wrapping it on her head. "Morning Natty" you say, giving her a half ass smile. "What time did you go to bed?" She chuckles. "Late. Maybe around 2?" You reply, approaching one of the covered showers and turning the nozzle to warm it up.

You hear Nat playfully pout. "Why so late babe?" You feel for the water, checking its temp. "Steve kept tossing and turning." You say.

Causality of being married to a former man in the army. No biggie, you're used to it and it's not the worst thing in the world.

"Ah, yeah that happens. Barnes did it a lot when we were together for a bit. But then again so did I some nights.." She trails off. Her and Barnes had dated a few years ago, but parted for differences and that they were better as friends. No hard feelings. Nat then met Bruce and since then they've been stable for about 3 years.

You felt the water become the right temp, nodding to Nat's words but signaling her that you needed to waken the fuck up and let the water rush over you. You entered the shower, closing the curtain and began undressing leaving everything on a bench inside the area. Stark made sure to have it be spacious and with storage. Though you're convinced it was Pepper's touch.

"Have you seen Steve? He wasn't with me when I awoke." You asked, setting your ring alongside your clothes, looking at it for a brief second as it sat. "Yeah, he went on a run with Wilson earlier, like... an hour ago?" She estimated, slightly muffled sounding as she began brushing her teeth.

You nodded, beginning your routine and lathering yourself in this new body wash that Stark sponsored and they wouldn't stop sending him merchandise. At least it smelled nice and lathered all bubbly.

You heard from the outside of your shower the sink run, clothes rustle, a zip of jeans and soon blow drying.

You thought on how Steve, as of late, would begin his mornings without you. Actually... for the past few months. It felt special when you guys woke up together, greeting each other with morning kisses and snuggling for a little bit too long before risking being late on morning training and breakfast. Not to mention, you two have been going on separate missions as well. There's been a slowly increasing distance, but nothing you would dare be vocal on as you diminished it to 'just nothing too serious to worry on'.

"Hey babe, I'm done with myself. I'll be in the kitchen with the others, Steve and Sam should be back from their run soon." You hear Nat yell. "Thanks Nat, will do!" You respond, snapping out of your thoughts and slowly beginning to wrap up.

You turned the nozzle, grabbing your towel and drying yourself. There was a light layer of steam, the sun brightening the rooms more now.

You dressed yourself in your casual attire, adorning your ring last. You fiddled with it, twisting it with your right index and thumb.

Surely, Steve wasn't slipping from you, right?

Or... you weren't from him?

No, you wouldn't. You love Steve. He's your husband. Till death do you part.

You brushed your teeth and washed your face, cleansing it and patting it dry with your hand towel. You did your makeup after, then finally brushing out your hair before pulling it back, leaving some strands to frame your face.

You grab the remainder of your belongings and open the to door leave. As you do so, you hear the men's bathroom door open opposite of you.

It's Buck. His hair is damp and some parts wet. He wears a Henley that's clings onto his body a bit too well. You try to not take note of how well it highlights his muscles throughly.

"Oh, hey Y/N, morning." He greets, monotonously but still positive somewhat. "Morning Buck" You say, looking over his face. He recently shaved so he looks more cleaned up.

You two walk out of the bathroom area together towards the bedding suites. "You didn't join Steve for his run today?" You ask. Usually Steve and Buck do everything together. "Nah, just didn't.. feel up to it. Plus I had a mess to clean up." He says, gesturing to his jaw. You chuckle slightly to it, it was kinda getting out of control. "It looked somewhat fine before, but I get it." You say. He notices you trail off, looking more ahead downward. "You ok?" He asks, stopping to a halt and facing you. "Yeah, I'm good Buck. Just.." you trail off.

You stop and think to yourself. You don't want to bother your husband's best friend with marriage issues. Doesn't feel the most appropriate. Plus, you never like to talk down about Steve or any sort of negative way, especially when it could just be nothing.

"Just kind of hungry. I went to bed late too so I'm extra tired." You salvage, giving him a reassuring smile which he copies. You two continue your walk. "Well we got raiding drills later, so better be on your a-game for that soldier." He chuckles, before nodding towards his door which you two came upon. It’s the door next to you and Steve's room. Of course they were paired to be set up right next to each other's quarters. "Ha, so totally looking forward to that." You sarcastically say, him slightly chuckling before you two both enter your respected rooms.

You drop off your dirty clothes into the laundry shoot, setting down your bathing supplies and unplugging your phone from your charger.

1 message from 'Hubby', 5:45 am.

[Hey, out on a run with Sam. Be back around 7.]

You clear the notification off your screen and check the time. 6:53 am. He should be back soon.

You put your phone into your pocket, heading towards the door before closing it shut and heading towards the kitchen.

You hear the commotion before you see it, heading down the stairs and the smell of bacon instantly hitting you. Yum.

"So he said, 'you fucker!'" you hear Clint say, mimicking a foreign accent. "And I said, 'but I barely know her!'" he laughs at his own dad joke, you not initially hearing the first part of the joke but you know it was corny as any of his other jokes. And so does everyone, as you hear some disappointed groans follow from it. 

You see Bruce frying eggs and bacon, Nat preparing toast and jam for herself, Tony nursing a cup of coffee lowly talking to Bruce beside him, Clint rambling about his jokes sitting at the head of the table, and Wanda delved into her Sokovian poetry book on the couch. 

Tony's the first to notice you. "Hey sleeping beauty, thanks for joining us for comedy hour, don't expect much though, it's a bit outdated." He whips, Clint sending him an offended shocked look. "Hey my jokes are funny!" He retorts. "Sure pal, and I'm a blessed virgin nun." Tony quips back, some low laughter from the other teammates following. Everyone greets you with a morning as well as you make yourself more settled into the room.

You fix yourself your favorite mug, nudging Tony to the side with a small hip bump and grabbing the coffee pot nearby. He scoffs jokingly and makes his way towards a head chair at the opposite end of Clint.

"Morning Y/N, how do you like your eggs?" You hear Bruce warmly ask. He's always so sweet. He took up cooking, and it's calmed him a lot. "Scrambled today, and some bacon if you don't mind." You smile at him, he smiles back and nods his head. You stir your cream and sugar together.

As you clink the spoon on your mug, you hear the compound doors open followed by rumbling laughter. Steve and Sam are back from their run.

You feel as though you're supposed to be more warmly about your husband returning, but find yourself being only pleasantly happy. Why weren't you as ecstatic like before? Is it because you realized the distance?

"Hey guys, welcome back, how was the 10k mile run?" Tony jokes, Steve rolls his eyes but chuckles. He wipes his forehead. He doesn't look to you yet.

Why didn't he look at you first?

"Was quite the warm up, Sam barely caught up with me." Steve said, gesturing to Sam who was clearly delighted to be back from the morning cardio. He had a sheen of sweat over his face. "You cheated you old man.." he heaved, hands on both his knees to stabilize his breathing.

At the same time, Bucky made his way down the steps. You looked and caught his eye first. He smiled at you, and you returned the gesture and hoisted up your cup as an hello.

Steve finally took notice of you and smiled. "Hey honey, morning." He greeted, making his way to you before kissing you quickly. Luckily with his super soldier capabilities, he doesn't sweat. At least not after a run he'd consider easy work. You smiled into the kiss, lightly ghosting your fingers over his jaw. "Morning handsome."

Bucky watches the display of affection. It's cute. He's happy for his best friend. He found himself a very good beautiful woman. Steve's deserved this life, especially after everything. You're Steve's girl, and Bucky will always protect you on the field as a courtesy to his best friend.

"Eggs are done!" Bruce calls. "I get first dibs, mine!" Tony says, pushing past everyone to secure his plate first.

—

11:43 am.

Morning training is a brutal start of the day. It goes over swiftly, standard drills and procedures. Tony made a holographic simulation, that way it's easier to track each member's stats and determine their strong and weak points as well as pushing past the boundaries of what is physically possible. Which is somewhat good, because technically none of you guys should be possible, yet here you are. It prepares all of you guys for how to handle future opponents you've yet to encounter. For the chance of impossibility..

You sparred with Steve only a handful of times, but often spar against other people to not let the marriage influence any pulled punches. Today, your sparring partners were Clint and Bucky.

Clint was defense based. He had trained with S.H.I.E.L.D longer than you did when it was still active. He knocks you down only a few times, but more so you over come him. He's proud of you regardless, as he was one of the people who recommended you for the spot on the team. He wasn't that much older than you, but you remember him from the academy days when he was a fresh graduate and you were a shining young prodigy.

Bucky was offense based. You were vigilante with your defense, coming in strong with offense, but Bucky always had the upper hand due to longer experience than most people in the room.

"You need to aim high but strike low. Throw them off, take them by surprise. Always use the element of surprise to your advantage." He advised, you two in a walking rotating circle. You went for a fake out punch with your right hand, him raising his hands instantly before you swipe your left foot under him and watch him fall. "Like that? Feels like a cheap shot." You retort, you both chuckle but you help him up. "Cheap, but works at times. I let you do that by the way. Be more aggressive this time." He chuckles, and you two continue the routine.

Steve watches as you train with his best friend. He watches your every move. When the others don't train you, Steve tries to personally train you himself on what he knows. But different builds require different tactics. He hasn't trained you in a while, he realizes.

He then takes note. He hasn't really set aside a whole lot of time with you. He feels a slight disconnect, but he blames it for his soldier core. And he's sure you understand, right?

"Capper, you gonna stop drooling over your lady or focus back?" Nat quips. Steve shyly smiles. "Can't resist looking at her." He plays off his thoughts, and continues his training with Nat.

—

1:12 pm.

Lunch gets delayed till then, mostly everyone having cut training quits before then to eat while you focused more and trained a bit longer. Your thoughts run back to you and Steve as you attack a punching bag. You recall endless mornings waking up alone, how your soothing doesn't help him slept as well as it did, how he no longer looked for you first any time he entered a room. How he—

"Doll, we don't need Stark asking both of us for a new punching bag out of our paychecks." Steve's voice breaks your focus and you stop. You hold the bag to a halt and wipe the sweat off your forehead with your boxing glove. You turn and see Steve, hands on hips and a smug smirk plastered on his handsome face. The face that once upon a time charmed America and your heart.

You sigh, giving your best smile to him. Maybe you are just overthinking everything. You guys are Avengers, of course you guys can be caught up in this kind of line of work.

"I'm sure he wouldn't notice the dent in his wallet." You say, taking off your gloves as Steve approaches you. He kisses you lightly again, quick and brisk. You became accustomed to the chaste kisses. Though you missed the ones filled with passion and ones that felt like he was kissing you for air. "No, he definitely wouldn't but he'd notice out of spite for us." He retorts, rising a small chuckle from you.

He holds your frame and you place your now bare hands onto his broad chest. You take notice he's in his uniform. You weren't notified there was a mission today? Usually Steve lets you know weeks in advance.

"Why are you in uniform?" You question him, giving him a puzzled tense look. He reads your expression and drops his shoulders. "Emergency mission. Fury informed us that there has been this kind of outbreak in Central America. It's taken over governments in a day." He explains. You become more confused. "Why weren't we aware of this? Governments, like plural?" You ask, kinda huffing but surprised by the lack of knowledge of this. "Because hun.." a look of worry paints his face. Rarely he's this concerned over a mission. "It happened just two days ago. In just a couple days, multiple countries fell." He explains, and the worry on his face then dresses your own. "But-" "With the Sokovia Accords, international issues have been restricted. Until now. But they're being limited with it as an ultimatum." He reads your mind and answers the question you were about to ask. It explains a bit, yet nothing at all. Sure you heard some minor things on international plagues, but there has been so many new diseases in the last decade that you didn't think much of this one.

"Wait... what do you mean by limited?" You ask, and as if on cue, Nat, Wanda, and Tony stand themselves at the entrance of the training room.

The gears slowly start to form in your head. "They only want a few of us to go check it out. Fury was told that only me, The Black Widow, Scarlet Witch, and Ironman were requested by the UN." Steve says, and you feel your heart sink.

"No no Steve, I'm coming with you-" "Darling you can't.." Steve's heart breaks hearing your plea. "Steve no!" You scream at him, holding onto his uniform before he grapples his hold on you a bit tighter to shake you out of it. "Y/N!" You feel teary eyed. You felt wrong to have doubt his love and question the distance between you two. Although it was warranted and fair, it seemed so little now.

Something like this sounds dangerous. And you wouldn't be there to have his back?

"Please look... it'll only be a few days mission, a week tops. The UN don't want us there, so I'm sure they're gonna want us back as soon as possible." He reassured, though it did little to calm you. "I'm sure this is just an inside terrorist organization. They probably orchestrated this to all happen at once." He continues. You blink back your tears, trying to hear him out and make reason of it all.

Bucky, who was a few rooms down, had heard the commotion and came forward to it. He saw his fellow team members at the door, heading towards Nat for an explanation which she shortly gave to him. After, he looked to you and Steve, watching the scene unfold with everyone else.

"I'll be back soon doll. That's a promise." Steve says with a smile and caresses your cheek softly. You try to melt into his touch, but there's a million things going on in your head at the moment. You can't find comfort, there isn't enough comfort for what you're trying to process. But maybe he is right. Maybe it is just a situation where it's another power hungry turf war, and maybe you were just overthinking everything from earlier. All these maybes.

He lifts your chin with his fingers, looking for a knowing comfort in your eyes. That look where you know and believe in him. Your eyes dart before meeting his. He sees uncertainty. He doesn't know what to think of it, and just tries to reason to himself that you're worried for him as a wife and concerned.

You numbly nod, a soft "Okay" leaving your lips.

"Hate to break up this lover's bid farewell moment, but Cap were on a time schedule." Tony chirps, Nat instantly jabbing him in his stomach for his nonchalance. "Ow Nat." "Read. The. Room." she grits through her teeth, as Tony soothes his stomach slightly.

You two look to the group at the entrance, nodding before turning to each other again. "I love you Y/N. I'll be back. Promise." Steve says, holding up your hand and kissing it. You feel the heaviness in your heart and in your words, unsure and unaware for what will follow after this. "I love you too Steve." You return, wrapping your arms around his neck and kissing him. He hugs you tight and returns the kiss, savoring it and giving more passion into it than he has of late. He's certain it wouldn't be his last, as surely, he'd return in a few days.

He parts from the kiss first, caressing your cheek again with his hand and kissing your forehead before leaving and heading towards the entrance with everyone else.

He approaches Bucky, who with the newfound information, understands his need to go but still is worried for his best friend. "If anything happens here Buck..." Steve starts off, placing one hand on Bucky's shoulder. "Protect her, no matter the cost. No matter what you do, look after her." He says, entrusting Bucky to look after you. Bucky looks at you, who has Nat now comforting you. Bucky looks back at Steve, nodding his head. "I'll protect her. No matter what." Bucky promised. Steve believes it, if not, knows it. He thinks it won't come to that, but as a safety measure, he has to know you're taken care of. You are the most precious thing in the world to him. Whatever it means that you're safe and good, that's what matters to him. He knows you'll be good in Bucky's care.

The two best friends hug, and Nat rejoins the group and they begin their trek towards their locker rooms to prepare.

They leave in the Quinjet at 2:25 pm.

—

9:38pm.

It had been a couple hours since Steve had left. Communication had cut off about an hour into their departure, the signal not reaching far enough. If needed, you could contact him through the emergency line, but there was no reason to extort through those extremes.

You resorted yourself to you and Steve's bedroom, looking through old pictures of you two and little keepsakes you guys kept for years, nursing a glass of wine; this being your 4th full glass. There was a heavy pang in your chest for how you felt earlier. And as unjustified you felt for having felt that, you couldn't shake it off. You look at the pictures of your wedding day and the reception. His smile is so wide and bright, his eyes so filled with adoration. You wonder when was the last time he full on genuinely did that with 100% of him.

Placing your wine on your bedside table, you wrap up this box and begin to place it back on the top of your closet shelf where it was, when then, you notice something you never saw before. There's a metal glint in the far back of it. You saw it for a brief second, but knew it was there. You're tipsy, maybe a little bit more than you want to admit, but certainly not that drunk yet.

On slightly wavering feet, you grab a stool from your vanity. You place it in front of the closet, standing in it and nearly falling before stabilizing yourself. You're eye to eye with the top shelf, and realize you never actually saw what it looked like up here, only Steve did. And there was never a need to, it was for old memories and scrapbooks, but you two haven't looked at those in ages.

You extend your hand, wobbling slightly but still finding an unsure balance. You grab what you were looking for, and take it out.

Your heart sinks to your chest as you recognize what it was.

A compass.

You don't need to open it to know who was in it. A rush of emotions overcome you.

He had told he threw it out the first week you guys began your relationship, which was over 4 years ago now. And to make matters worse..

There wasn't a spec of dust on it compared to everything else up there.

*Knock. Knock.*

The sudden noise throws you off and you lose balance and fall off the stool, a big thud ringing through the room. "Y/N?! You ok??" You hear Bucky call out from behind the door, but it's ignored as you groan from the pain of the harsh landing.

"I'm coming in." You hear Buck say. You tried to protest, not wanting him to see you in this state, but the door begins to open already. Dammit, you forgot to unlock it when you entered; probably too overwhelmed with everything to notice.

Bucky enters and notices you on the floor and instantly rushes to you, noticing the stool, open closet, and nearby wine and puts it together in his head. "Doll what are you doing to yourself?" he asks softly, hoisting you up and sitting you down.  You try to fight it though, but the moment you stand back up the sharp pain in your back shoots through you. You collapse again, this time accidentally knocking over the wine causing it to land on your sheets and onto the floor. "Hey hey! Take it easy, you probably landed on that stool when you fell." Bucky says, sitting you back down, this time you relent. "Now, tell me what happened?" He asks more soothingly, holding onto your back and hand. You hiccup, and sniff. "I wass looking through our photos and was sad..." you jumble together. "He looked sooo happy here James." You say. Bucky is slightly taken back by the use of his first name, but he doesn't express it. You never call him James.

You smiled at the picture but frowned after. "Buuut he don't seem that happy anymore with mee.." you mutter, starting to get weepy eyed. Bucky frowns, it aches him to see you sad. "Well I'm sure he does Y/N, it's just been a stressful time." Bucky suggests, but genuinely, he has no clue why Steve has been distant. He noticed it slightly, but didn't bother to much to look into it as it wasn't his business to get into. "Oh yeah...?" You trail off, blindly looking with one hand for what you dropped. "Then whasss thiss?" You say, holding up the compass to Buck.

Bucky instantly is taken back. He frowns immediately at the sight. He knows that compass, hell anyone in America knows that compass. It's Peggy's compass.

He thought Steve had gotten rid of that long ago.

"When I found it, no dust. Not a spec! Poof, nothing, nada" you ramble, dropping the compass in his hand and feeling the alcohol warm your cheeks.

Bucky, still in shock, feels a big disappointment in his best friend. He shouldn't still have this. He's upset at Steve, not more so of personal, but he's upset for you. Steve should've gotten rid of that a long time ago, and if what you say is true, why doesn't it have any dust on it whatsoever?

Bucky, getting out of his own head, looks over to you who has your knees tucked and your arms holding them close to your chest. His heart melts, and he's hurt by it. Anyone but you should be this sad.

"Doll, look I can't tell you why he has it still. I thought he didn't have it either. But..." Bucky contemplated his next words. Steve is his best friend, and although Steve is wrong for this and Bucky will bring this up next time he saw him, you're still Steve's wife. And Bucky would never want to bad mouth Steve to his wife.

"...but, I know he does love you." Bucky reassured. You didn't lift your head up, and Bucky wanted you to know what he said was true. He lifted your head with his metal hand, cupping your cheek softly to meet his gaze. Meeting your teary eyes, he felt a pang in his heart. A feeling he couldn't describe, but as quick as it came, as quick as it was gone.

"He loves you Y/N. And he wouldn't trade you for the world." He said, and though he tried his most genuine and sincerest, it didn't seem to ease you completely. He sighed, giving you an unsure look before glancing around the place. Your bed was soaked with wine, and the glass that had fallen off and broke on the floor, luckily not near both of you.

You definitely can't stay here in your drunken state.

Usually he'd call in Natasha for this kind of help, but she was out and as well as the next best option, Wanda.

"Buckkk..." He glanced back down at you and kneeled down. "Yes doll?" He answered, watching you grovel and lean into him. It took him off guard, but he didn't want to push you off. "I'm tired. I don't want to be awakey right now. I juss don't wanna think bout this" you slurred. He nodded his head. Thinking of what he could do, but remembering that Steve told him to make sure you're protected.

He thought of an idea, and thought it would work, at least for right now.

"Hey doll, would you be ok sleeping in my room for tonight?" He asked carefully. It was better than the couch downstairs. There was no guest rooms at the compound up for availability, and Wanda's and Nat's room were left locked after their departure. He figured he could sleep on the floor like how he used to. That way he's there keeping an eye on you.

You numbly nod, and try to stand but still on wobbly knees. Bucky catches you, and wraps one of your hands around his shoulder and tucks his hand around your back. He helps carry you to his room which is luckily right next door. He holds the door open for both of you, turning on the light and closing the door after. He picks you up fully, you hiccuping but slowly letting the fatigue subdue you. He lists his covers and places you on the center of the mattress, taking off your shoes carefully and setting them against the bed.  He places the sheet over you, and you snuggle yourself in.

He sighs as he worries for you. He never saw you like this before. But he's content he's keeping his promise to Steve, who he is still upset for about the compass. Steve had lied to everyone about it. And Bucky always treated Steve with honesty.

Bucky quietly grabbed his clothes from his drawer for his nightly shower. As he opened the door, he heard you softly call out. "Thanksss Buckk." He gave a small smile and turned to you. Your eyes were closed and you were half turned away from him. "Of course doll. Sleep well, I'll be back soon." He said, you humming softly as a response before snuggling yourself more into the bed.

It smelled like wood musk and eucalyptus. A very strong masculine smell. But it was warm, and may it be you being drunk, it felt like the softest mattress in the world.

Bucky closed the door and made his way to the showers. He was alone in the big room, undressing himself inside one of the showers, taking everything off but his dog tags and folding everything neatly. He turned on the shower, letting the cold water wash over him. He felt worried for you, and already worried for Steve despite the small aggression lingering.

Bucky never heard of no terrorist group that could take over entire governments in a singular day. It just... wasn't possible. He would've known about it. It struck him as wrong... but it was late and he didn't want to think on it longer than needed, wanting to get back to you and make sure you were ok.

He wraps up and dries himself, eventually dressing in grey sweats and a black beater.

He comes back to his room and settles himself down on the floor with a spare blanket and pillow. 

He eventually falls asleep around 11:17 pm.

—

New York's first contact happens at 3:36 am, September 28th.

END OF CHAPTER.

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