Dutch X Hosea - Tumblr Posts

I like the idea in like 90% of the fics I read where Hosea is like: “We don’t need a kid, Dutch.” And Dutch thinks it’s a great idea.

Of course Dutch’s overall intentions is to raise a loyal soldier and a sharer of his ideals. But Hosea eventually becomes softened by the pathetic thing, and by God he’d protect them with his entire life.

Yes of course this is seen with both Arthur and John, but more so with Arthur bc he was the first little street urchin they found. And so Dutch wanted him to become a strong, loyal, protector, but all Hosea wanted from him in the end was a son <3

Anyways, Hosea Matthews got me crying in the club 🥲

POV Your name is Cathrine Braithwate and you kidnapped these guys’ grandson and they killed all of your sons and are going to burn down your house. And all the mustached one is saying is: “Where is the boy?” And you don’t know how to tell him you sent him to an Italian Mob Boss:

(You’re cooked)

(Literally 🔥)

[click for better quality 😚]

I love when quote generator is accurate here’s a few that I got:

Sean: Welcome to my very first vlog, in which I try different hair products!

Sean: *sprays hairspray in his mouth*

Sean: Well, right off the bat I can tell you this one is not very good.

—————

Dutch: If there are no questions, we'll move on to the next chapter.

Arthur: I have a question.

Dutch: Certainly, Arthur. What is it?

Arthur: What's the point of human existence?

Dutch: I meant any questions about the subject at hand.

Arthur : Oh.

Arthur: Frankly, l'd like to have the issue resolved before I expend any more energy on this

—————-

Dutch, to Hosea: Well, one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me.

—————-

Dutch: If you really want to get back at a man, scare him with a pregnancy test. I've got a whole box of old positives at my house.

Micah: You're an American treasure.

—————-

Arthur: I'm going to get myself some soup.

Hosea : Be careful not to burn yourself, it's hot.

Arthur: Pfft, I won't burn myself.

*30 seconds later*

Arthur, entering the room: I burned myself

—————-

Pearson: Tommorrow's garbage day.

Sadie: I can't believe they made a whole day dedicated to you.

—————-

Arthur: Oh, they left the bowl out?

Arthur: It says, "Take two pieces of candy."

John: Nobody around though...

*John grabs the entire bowl and runs off with it*

Arthur : NO -

—————-

Dutch : Are pigeons drones?

Hosea: What? No, I'm trying to sleep.

Dutch: Think about it. How come you've never seen a baby pigeon? And why do you never actually see a pigeon nest? Because they're DRONES!

Hosea: *Crying* Please let me sleep...

————-

Charles : Are you ready to commit?

Arthur: Like, a crime or a relationship?

————-

Dutch: I think I just figured something out. I got to go.

Hosea: Aren't you forgetting something?

Dutch : Uuh...*hesitantly kisses Hosea's forehead before running out.*

Hosea: No, pay your bill! Damn, who raised you??

————-

Arthur : I'm trash.

Charles : As someone who's environmentally conscious, it's my duty to pick you up. Does 7:00 work for you?

Arthur :

Arthur : You smooth motherfucker. And yes, it does.

————-

Javier walking into the kitchen and seeing all their limes peeled: John, I love you but, what the h-e-double FUCK.

John, sipping coffee happily: I love you too

————-

*Sadie comes home absolutely drunk, undresses, and stands in Abigail's bedroom.*

Abigail: Babe, are you.. coming to bed?

Sadie: No thank you, I'm sure you're lovely but I have a girlfriend.

Sadie: *Lies on the ground and falls asleep*

Abigail: ….

————-

John : This date is boring!

Javier: This isn't a date. I said I was going to the store.

John: Then why did you invite me?

Javier: I didnt, I specifically said "don't come with me," then you said, "fuck you Javier I'll do whatever I want!”

————-

Sadie : Talk dirty to me, baby~

Abigail: The dishes.

Sadie : Wh-

Abigail: They've been there for 4 days and it's your turn to wash them. You still haven't cleaned them and I have asked you to do it several times.

————-

Thank you.

I’m tired of everyone’s drama at my age. When is it my turn to get the Hosea I need to my Dutch??

I may or may not be creating a little Vandermatthews comic 👀🤭🤭

Y’all will just have to wait and seeee….

Edit: may or may not be coming out tomorrow or Friday 👍

Shady Belle, July 7th 1899, 3:00 AM

I finally finished it :D hope y’all like it :> I wasn’t expecting to finish it so early

(I made this in honor of getting Jack back from Bronte during this play through)

Thanks to all who told me they were excited to see it :>>

I’m about this close 🤏 to drawing old men kissing

🤔

Post-swim cig break, circa 1876

Current favorite thing that reoccurs in Vandermatthews fics is the nickname “ ‘Sea” for Hosea. Love it.

MY FIRST FIC :D

POV Dutch van der Linde is your 90’s dad and not a murderous outlaw from 1899:

SAVE ME, 70s - MODERN RDR2 AU, SAVE ME!!

<click for better quality… hopefully>

<please Tumblr, I spent a long time on this piece>

What did you wake the dads for??

I found these references for their pajamas… WHY IS DUTCH LITERALLY A BEEF CAKE 😭🙏

Another one, thank you 😌

Warning, this is ass 😛🙏

Happy birthday America 😌

My favorite dad missions of rdr2

This is specifically Dutch and Hosea being dads

Hosea has a lot, so I’ll go in my most favorite order:

1) Advertising, the New American Art

2) The Spines of America

3) Exit Perused by a Bruised Ego

And then for Dutch:

1) Country Pursuits

2) The Joys of Civilization

3) Angelo Bronte, A Man of Honor

And of course for the both of them:

1) The New South

2) The Gilded Cage

Modern AU headcannons

The Vandermatthews family edition

When John was a teenager he made slime and got it in Dutch’s expensive Persian rug he keeps in the office. (Dutch was LIVID.)

Hosea reads late into the night, which caused Dutch to buy one of those clip on reading lights so he can finally sleep peacefully.

Dutch and Hosea do embarrassing dances in the kitchen/living spaces when the kids are around. Arthur and John cringe hard at this.

John was introduced to Limp Bizkit and his life was forever changed.

Arthur: “GET OUT OF MY ROOM.”

John *In the doorway*: “IM NOT IN YOUR ROOM.”

Arthur: “dinner is ready.”

John: “OKAY.”

Arthur, louder: “OKAY!”

Arthur tans at the beach, John burns

Arthur has straight A’s, John has straight C’s

John will take a (monthly) shower and get the WHOLE floor wet

John’s favorite Christmas was when he got a bass guitar, and Arthur’s favorite was when he got his blue truck.

Arthur sits on Dutch/Hosea’s bed and just spills the tea to Hosea late into the evening (Dutch wants to get ready for bed soon)

Arthur is a PC player, and John is a console player

John has to go to the mall with Arthur when he wants to go alone because “John doesn’t socialize enough”

They both got to choose their bedroom colors, however, John wasn’t allowed to do THE DARKEST black in the store, so his room is a dark grey with a black accent wall. (Arthur’s room is blue)

Branching off of that, Arthur and John could decorate their rooms HOWEVER they wanted, there was no intervention from the dads

Hosea does the “Dad hand” during road trips when the boys have a snack he wants.

Hosea is the designated driver because Dutch has terrible road rage

They live on a pond, in fact Dutch and Hosea argued over it before buying the house, so much so that Hosea threatened a divorce because the ONLY thing he wants is a pond. Dutch folded, and Hosea fishes everyday.

Arthur loved Percy Jackson and John loved Warrior Cats.

Arthur is a cereal eater, and John is a pop-tart eater

The contrast between Arthur’s masterpieces vs John’s doodles are crazy. (They’re both proudly displayed on the front of the fridge no matter what) (yes this is based on their canonical journal entries, sue me)

John and Arthur took those embarrassing Macy’s photoshoots in the early 2000’s that are out on display for everyone to see in the future.

John has an INCREDIBLY embarrassing graduation photo from when he was in his emo phase in high school, and his dads refuse to remove it. (It’s placed next to Arthur’s gleaming grad photo)

Dutch has slippers he wears around the house, and Hosea just wears his socks.

John still doesn’t know how to swim in this AU, Hosea has tried to teach him, but John refuses to get in the water.

They have taxidermy in their house from when Hosea went hunting more often when he was younger.

Somehow Hosea and Dutch’s aesthetics work so well together.

Dutch is very much old money, and maximalist, and Hosea is definitely Vintage and Woodsy (It works together if you saw their house)

You would be convinced that John’s nails were naturally black and chipped from how much he painted them.

Hosea has a “Shop” in the garage like every dad has to have. (It’s full of fishing supplies, paint cans, and other tools ofc)

John’s room is very dark, messy, and covered in posters from every movie/Tv show/video game he’s ever seen/played. Also, making the bed? What’s that?

Arthur’s room is open and airy, with his own mountain murals painted on the walls, a full art desk, and he also doesn’t know what making the bed means.

I painted a totally unnamed curious couple’s totally unnamed horses today.

Oh yeah, here’s another fic I wrote 🤞

More van der family modern/semi-modern headcannons

Dutch is the type of guy to throw away instructions to IKEA furniture and then cry because he doesn’t automatically know how to assemble it

Dutch/Hosea gave the boys copies of their house keys for emergencies only, but they just come in and out whenever, plus bring whoever they want with them so over the years the whole gang has a house key.

Everyone is a friend of each other, met through work, school, etc. (they live in a small community so they all know each other anyway)

Susan, Swanson, Strauss, and Pearson are all friends of Dutch and Hosea from college.

Arthur would have like a 40 pack of crayons as a kid and John would take them and break them of course, and when Arthur would snatch them back, John would resort to violence. This caused road trips to be extremely long.

Roadtrips:

Arthur: “Hey look there’s a herd of cows!!”

John, extremely loud: “MOOOOOOO”

As they grew older, Arthur mainly draws or reads on roadtrips and John plays on his gameboy/Nintendo DS or sleeps. (He gets sick if he reads in the car)

Arthur definitely pushed John into hotel pools when they were younger. (One of the dads had to get him)

You can definitely hear John’s music blast through his earbuds on all occasions.

Arthur is the kind of kid who’s always looking out his window at the right time and points out any animal he sees. (John always misses it)

John got his scars from being in a bar fight when him and Javier were in a small band in their early 20s. They were in some shitty dive bar and someone broke a bottle and used it against John and Javier. (They stopped touring after that)

Arthur is the designated guy to let the dogs out at night and watch them from the porch in his pajamas, occasionally yelling at them when they start barking at something. He does this even in the dead of winter.

The boys always fight physically/verbally over basically nothing 24/7. When a fight begins stirring in front of the dads they tell them to go outside with it.

John: “I was going to take a nap, I don’t even want to go to the mall..”

Arthur: “well I didn’t even want to take you, Dad wanted you to go.”

John: “whatever.”

John had a huge Pokémon phase when he was much younger, like in 6th grade or something. Gengar is his favorite.

John grew his hair out from a buzz cut throughout high school he shaved it right before his freshman year, and it grew to his shoulders when he graduated.

In the earlier years John and Arthur would argue over which CD they should put in the car. (Dutch and Hosea had one of those thick CD binders in their car, with a huge verity of music)

Arthur: “WE LISTENED TO GUNS N ROSES LAST TIME!!”

John: “NOTHING ELSE IS GOOD.”

Arthur: “THATS NOT TRUE. What about Johnny Cash?”

John: “ugh.. no.”

Arthur: “what’s wrong with Johnny Cash?”

Dutch: “just pick a damn CD already.”

Arthur and John fight over shotgun all the time, even as adults on the rare occasion they’re taking their dad’s car somewhere

I ain’t even gonna put it past him, Young Hosea was hot asl

dutch when he first met hosea