Ecosyncrasy - Tumblr Posts
about me ;
i'm devlyn and with this blog i'm hoping to document my attempt to get my life together in my thirties. i've been derailed by unfortunate life circumstances that plagued my twenties made worse with undiagnosed adhd. i'm tired of simply letting myself rot and am ready to return to university for a degree in biology with an ecological focus. come along for the ride?
the basics ;
they / them
canadian
infp
cancer sun - aries moon - pisces rising
queer & polyam
witch
the blog ;
will cover my journey into a biology degree ( and all the ecology info dumping and nerding out anyone could probably handle )
daily life anecdotes
adventures in working in a pet store
healing from trauma and navigating adhd treatment
auxiliary interests in: gaming, crafting, and wherever hyperfocus takes me next
adding whimsy with cozy chaos witch vibes
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would love to connect with like minded people & my ask box is open !!
october 1st ;
had a fantastic hike on a trail i’ve been meaning to try out forever. it’s hard to feel bold enough to go on the trails with my pup since she’s so nervous encountering other dogs. she did well though and we’ll be trying it again soon before winter.
( might even try to make time to go by myself soon so i can take more pictures with both hands free. there were so many stunning vistas around every corner. )
the path opened up to a gorgeous pond. had some extremely socialized and friendly ducks that very readily come up to people. they made me feel very under prepared to be their guest.
already want to head out again. always seem to forget just how much time exploring a new path is good for my soul. it feels truly restorative and i feel nothing but dread heading back into my other retail job tomorrow. not that its a bad environment— rather the opposite but its not what i want to be doing. just want to get through this tower moment and get on with the rest of my life.
one day at a time, as they say.
tumblr introduced me to iNaturalist and my photos are now riddled with picture of every somewhat interesting plant i can find. i’m utterly obsessed.
october 2nd - time ;
now i know it's my hormones going crazy. i'm grown so i know better than to listen to anything spawned from day three of a period. however, it is hard not to feel insane putting plans in motion to try for an undergrad in my thirties. even more so dreaming about going further. but my brain keeps falling into traps. how old will i be when all is said and done? what sort of career will i even be able to get? what if it is all just a waste of time? god im so stupid for wasting my twenties. i should have fought harder sooner. etc etc etc. i've been repeating a quote over and over again recently and my partner has brought it up too:
❝ don't let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of doing it. the time will pass anyway; we might as well put that passing time to good use. ❞ - Earl Nightingale
and now more than ever, i know i need to spend it working towards something i believe in. something i feel is bigger than myself. i do believe ecology is where i'm meant to be. i can see myself doing good work. i can see myself actually being a small part of the solutions our world needs - instead of a hopeless, passive observer doom scrolling the day away. actually wasting my life 'excelling' at jobs that will never go anywhere, or bring me satisfaction.
i just have to do it. keep making the hard steps forward and eventually it will be second nature. i'm older so i'll use my failures in past academic forays to be smarter this time around (i hope).
i can't let myself continue to rot. i can't give myself that option. i wont.
was almost late to work because i saw a whole little world growing inside of a tree. slowly taking over the guts of a massive old growth maple(?).
not all days are wins and in the interest of keeping this blog honest i'm going to talk about it with you all. this was certainly a rough one on so many levels. felt like i accomplished nothing beyond spinning my wheels on this day off. even relaxing would have likely been more productive as i have many long, long shifts coming up. although i feel the disappointment i have in myself for today was the result of underestimating the nature of my goals.
the tasks i put out for myself took forever to get started due to a lack of focus. which then funneled into i-can't-eat-until-i-complete-THE-task level of hyperfocus which wasn't helpful given how much i was struggling.
THE task in this case was deciding that today i was going to catch up on my last three tax returns ( which cannot be done electronically ) so i can finally be done with it.
only managed to force myself through one year. which... really held a light up to how behind i am in life because i let an abusive prick hold me down for so long. he had me terrified of doing normal, adult things. for no reason ( other than his own self interest ). it's hard to be slapped with that, especially since i'm struggling to accept how much time slipped through my fingers in that farce of a relationship. wasted even more time today just sitting there being angry i was even in this situation. looking at papers countless others have no dramatic issues with until my eyes crossed and i wanted to sob.
but -- i keep going. with one year done ( and will be checked over tomorrow ) the other two should be quick and relatively painless. i'll be a step closer to new goals. today wasn't a win but it wasn't a waste either and that's better than where i have been.
sometimes that's all you can ask for. and that's okay. not all days have to be wins. ( and on the bright side my tardiness with my tax situation has not harmed me in any way. i don't owe a dime and should be looking forward to a nice chunk of change that i can use to pay for courses i can't take a student loan for. i'm just paying for it in temporary stress. it will pass and i will thrive. )
so now i finally eat given that i can focus literally anything other than THE task. thank fuck.
tales from the pet store part i ;
i've been working part time in a pet store for just over a month now and i already have enough stories that i could write a book about misguided people and animals. this wasn't even the story i was going to start this series with but i'm just so flabbergasted by what happened last night that i just HAD to kick it off with this one.
this is a tale in two parts because the week before we had a lady come into the store, and at first it was the typical pet parent stuff, talking about how much rescue she does already ( in response to us asking her if she'd like to make a donation to local shelters ). But she ends up taking it ONE step further. That she even rescues wild animals on her walks on the beach! Why just the other day she saw a baby turtle struggling towards the ocean..... and decided to help it....
by taking it to the POND behind the sand dunes because CLEARLY she could tell it was a baby snapping turtle that was going the wrong way....
fast forward to last night. i'm still not sure if it was the same lady or if it was a different one ( my boss thinks it was a different person ) but my boss, the OTHER person in line, and myself get into a fight with the other customer. a wildlife karen if you will.
because she 'rescued' a 'snapping turtle' and was wondering what sort of food to get it. she did not like that we were telling her to take it to the VERY local wildlife rehab center outside of town. that we couldn't help her because it is very illegal to own any turtles ( without the proper permits ) in my province. while i'm glad my boss is super supportive, she is a bit of a push over and let her buy a small thing of superworms just to get her out of the store because she was starting to get combative not just with us but with the other customer that was with us in this tiny pet store ( because she was really letting the idiot have it - bless that woman's soul - said all the things i wish i could have ).
but god, -- just leave wildlife alone. wildlife aren't just fancy pets. turtles are not an easy pet to keep. and if the animal really does need help then let the experts handle it! don't be an entitled wildlife karen.