Emo Hours - Tumblr Posts

Getting over what u did is a whole lot harder than accepting the fact that ur gone forever

When he traumatized u so good u don't even wanna be fixed <<<

Bet rotting because the world did in fact end when I thought things were getting better but it never does

When I was a child I often thought about how badly I wanted to be remembered when I died. And how sad I felt knowing that after just a generation or two not one single person on this planet would know I ever even existed..

Nowadays I feel the opposite. I cannot wait to be forgotten. Imagine no trace of having been here at all.. completely erased. What bliss.

Literally had be gripping my pillow sobbing.

I’m in pain

It was good tho.

More than good. Had me feeling my feels :,)

(𝟏𝟔) - 𝐬𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬

𝗮𝗲𝗿𝗶 𝘂𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗮𝗴𝗮 𝘅 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿, 𝗵𝘂𝗵 𝘆𝘂𝗻𝗷𝗶𝗻 𝘅 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿

part of the series: best friends

warnings: alcohol, mentions of sex

word count: 2,462

IVE INKIGAYO STAGE HITS 3 MILLION VIEWS ONLY 6 HOURS AFTER BEING POSTED

Y/N KANG FROM THE KPOP GROUP “IVE” MAKING HER MARK ON THE STAGE

IVE’S LATEST PERFORMANCE EXCITES FANS AROUND THE WORLD

SEULGI’S SISTER, KANG Y/N, PROVING THAT GREATNESS RUNS IN THE FAMILY

INKIGAYO PERFORMANCE BY KOREAN GIRL GROUP “IVE” IS TRENDING #1 ON TWITTER, YOUTUBE, AND MANY OTHERS

all of the headlines were the same. your group’s inkigayo stage went viral. it was no surprise to anyone, especially given how hard you had all been working. the other members would argue that it was you who worked the hardest, especially given everything you were dealing with, but you simply thought of it as doing your job.

which was why, as mentioned before, the only thing better than a good performance was an even better after party.

truth be told, after you had left aeri a voicemail, you deleted her contact entirely. you didn’t have the heart to block her just yet, but only time would tell when you would eventually find the strength to do such a thing.

however, fortunately for you, any thought of aeri was on the backburner. your performance and its success were enough of a well needed distraction for you, especially given the events of last night.

yujin let leeseo stay and enjoy the after party for once, but she was definitely keeping a close eye on her since she knew gaeul and rei would try and get her to drink a little.

there were a lot of other groups there as well, even if they didn’t perform, they were still invited. the energy and music were electrifying. the rhythm from the bass, the alcohol in your cup, and the flashing lights felt euphoric. 

for the first time in weeks, you felt happy. your group was successful, your career was at an all time high, and you were slowly pulling yourself out of a hole that once felt like an endless abyss.

“you look good, y/n!” wonyoung shouted over the music, dancing next to you and gaeul. your roommate was relieved to see you coping much better than you had been just a week prior. she was worried about you not being able to pick yourself back up in time for the performance, but you did it. you gave it your all on that stage, and the result ended up in your favor.

“thank you, wony!” your genuine smile made both of your group members feel relieved. all of them could tell a weight had been lifted off of your shoulders since you finally cut ties with the aespa member.

for them, it was obvious that you were much happier without aeri. even your sister noticed it when she watched your performance in her living room. wendy and irene also congratulated you through a quick text, and they both commented on how happy you looked on that stage. 

even if they didn’t know the reason why, it was obvious to everyone that you were much happier now.

even aeri herself noticed it.

i saw you dancing in a crowded room

you look so happy when i'm not with you

originally, only the other three members had been invited to the after party since giselle was still “grounded” as she referred to it. but after the company discussed it over, they decided to send her at the last minute in hope of giving her a chance to be seen with her members in a way that would seem positive.

except, aeri didn’t want to be there. she didn’t want to run into you and face the look of heartbreak on your face. your voicemail already haunted her enough.

she watched her phone ring when you called, and was about to answer too, but she was too late once the call icon disappeared. giselle didn’t think much of it at the time, but then when she heard your voicemail? 

aeri almost ran to the ive dorm barefoot and in pajamas. but she didn’t. 

and now, merely 24 hours later, she could finally see with her own two eyes the truth that she had been running from this entire time.

you truly were happier without her. 

but then you saw me, caught you by surprise

a single teardrop falling from your eye

the rapper swirled the shot glass in her hand, watching the chinese whiskey dance around the ice. it was similar to the way aeri was dancing around you. from where she sat at the bar, she could see you perfectly through the cracks in the bodies of others.

your hair was slightly disheveled, but your stage makeup was still perfectly intact despite the thin layer of sweat lacing your brows. you had been dancing all night, quite literally. 

she watched you throw your head back in a fit of laughter. it was probably due to something gaeul had said. you often mentioned the jokes she made whenever she had you come over. it was one of her favorite parts about seeing you.

aeri nearly jumped out of her seat when she saw your eyes meet hers. even though it was just for a fleeting moment, she could see the look of heartbreak and disappointment flash in your eyes.

it made her immediately turn her head to the side, focusing on the ever so interesting patterns of the bartop and the way her fingernails tapped against it.

she waited a few moments before turning to look in your direction again, physically feeling her tense shoulders relax when she saw her favorite smile return to your face.

it was ironic, truly. this whole mess started with her not noticing you at a party. and yet here the roles were reversed, with you not noticing her. 

the only difference this time was that aeri didn’t want you to notice her.

i don’t know why i run away

i’ll make you cry when i run away

to be quite honest, aeri didn’t know why she ran in the beginning. she wanted to reach out to you and have you explain everything, but her pride refused to yield. her pride and her fear of heartbreak caused her to run.

she ran from her feelings for you for so long, which was why when she had the courage to finally accept them, your confession about your sex life with yunjin felt like a knife to her heart.

aeri wasn’t stupid. she knew when you started falling for her after that night. she noticed it in your touches, in your kisses, in the way you clung to her more. it scared her.

at least, initially it did. over time she reciprocated the same feelings that she had ran from for so long. 

however, aeri was tired of running. which was why she had to walk away from you, too.

you could’ve asked me why i broke your heart

you could’ve told me that you fell apart

which was why when she finally got your voicemail, she couldn’t help but cry with you. she felt everything you had felt, but due to her petty actions and stupid mistakes, it ended up with the both of you losing each other.

as she watched you and wonyoung dance to the song currently playing, she felt the ghost of a smile form on her lips.

you were feeling happier than ever right now, but aeri couldn’t feel any more miserable than she already was right now.

at least, that’s what she thought.

but you walked past me like i wasn’t there

and just pretended that you didn’t care

her heart sank to her stomach when she saw you and your group members walking towards the bar. she moved her hair in front of her eyes in an attempt to hide herself, but truth be told, she knew you had seen her. 

she knew that she was there. but you refused to even acknowledge her presence as you walked past her, laughing and shouting at gaeul to get you whatever she was getting.

you and aeri had been friends for so long that you could recognize each other from a mile away. and when things got more intimate between you two, you both knew that even in the dark, you had each other’s bodies memorized. 

the both of you knew everything about each other like the back of your hands. which was why aeri knew it stung so much for you to ignore her just like that, even if she deserved it.

i made you think that i would always stay

i said some things that i should never say

the night of the date, or rather the argument since the date never really happened, aeri drove back to somi’s place and got absolutely wasted. she was so hurt, and somi was blasting XOXO so loud that she was positive everyone on that block heard it. 

she remembered how she curled into a ball on somi’s bathroom floor, crying her heart out because of how much it hurt. however, she wasn’t just hurt because of everything you had told her.

she was hurting because of everything she told you. 

it hurt her, to hurt you. except, she didn’t realize that fully until after she had been caught with jeno.

she should have never agreed with him to “get back” at you. but she was so hurt, and drunk on both pain and some japanese liquor that night that she couldn’t think straight. even though the articles said they were both sober, it could not have been any further from the truth.

just like how she wasn’t actually dating jeno either. SM only said that to try and help make the situation look better and deal with damage control. in their eyes, a couple caught having sex looked much better than two single idols being drunk and horny.

she regretted it in the moment, but she regretted it even more when she heard from karina that seulgi was looking for her. 

needless to say, giselle had been walking on eggshells whenever she was in the company building.

yeah i broke your heart like someone did to mine

and now you won’t love me for a second time

aeri knew she had broken your heart, but as cliche as it sounds, she broke yours out of retaliation since you broke hers.

it wasn’t intentional, and she knew that, but the cycle of heartbreak began and ended with both of you getting hurt.

and now, the aespa member was well aware that you were no longer willing to have her in your life. not as a lover, or as a friend.

girl take me back, ‘cause i wanna stay

save your tears for another

the SM rapper knew better than to try and fix things with you. you wanted nothing to do with her, and your voicemail was your final goodbye to her.

even though she wanted to run up to you right now, hold your hand and dance with you under the illuminated lights, she knew she couldn’t.

giselle wanted to kiss you in front of everyone, and tell you over and over again how proud of you she was. you had always worked so hard, even as a trainee. it was one of the many things gigi admired about you.

it was the sum of these admirations that made her fall in love with you. 

she didn’t want to be the reason you cried anymore. she wanted you to cry over things like winning awards, breaking records, and giving speeches. she didn’t want you to cry over her and her wretched heart. 

in her eyes, it wasn’t worth it. she wasn’t worth crying over.

i realize i’m much too late

and you deserve someone better

you felt a tap on your shoulder, and when you turned around you couldn’t fight the smile that crept onto your face.

“hi, stranger.”

yujin’s arms wrapped you in the tightest hug she could muster up. “you did so good, y/n.” she grinned and pulled back to look at you. she had seen you at your lowest. when you were hurting because of giselle, even from the very beginning, she was there.

you and yunjin had a very long talk the day she slipped under your covers. yunjin had explained herself fully, and also told you why she did what she did. she even told you that aeri had been the one to text first that night.

however, at the time you were upset, but looking back on it, you were sort of grateful she did that. you knew you would have ran back to giselle in a heartbeat, and the vicious cycle would have only continued.

even though you and the american were not together, you had both agreed to take things slowly to see where they went. yunjin had confessed to you indirectly, but you knew how she felt. she was still moving on from chaewon, and you were still moving on from aeri.

but the two of you had each other, and you were willing to see where things with your new “best friend” would go in the future.

“thank you, jen.” the music changed to a more upbeat song, which prompted yunjin to grab you by the hand and drag you more towards her members. 

as aeri watched you disappear further from her sight from the bar, she downed the shot in her hand. the bitter taste in her mouth matched the bitter feeling in her heart. but it was only directed at herself, and not you.

aeri knew you deserved better, even though she wanted to be the best option for you. she knew she couldn’t. it was too late for her.

she motioned for the bartender to give her another shot of baijiu. he poured the white liquor into another glass and slid it towards her. with her left hand, she held the glass out and in your direction.

she was making a final toast to you.

“to my best friend,” 

she whispered to herself, the music and ambience of the party drowning out everything around her. she caught one final glimpse of you laughing and holding onto yunjin, just like you had done with her in what felt like forever ago.

this was the first and final toast to your friendship, and the shattered pieces of a relationship that unfortunately was never meant to be.

the glass met her lips as she downed the liquor, feeling the bitterness slide down her throat. she wiped her eyes gently, not sure if she was crying because of the alcohol or because of you.

(she knew the reason why. she just didn’t want to admit it.)

“i love you, too.”

save your tears for another day

-

a/n: the end :)

p.s. a toast with the left hand is considered more heartfelt since your left hand is closer to your heart

Exactly

How you choose to use this word

How you choose this words meaning

How you bend this word's meaning

Everytime you use it

It wasn't exactly like that

I didn't exactly mean that

I didn't exactly say that…

Our very real feelings are exact

Exactly the way they should be

Exactly the way they feel

Exactly the way I took it

You seem to think these words don't hold a very fine meaning

That they could be used in some way or another

That you control it's meaning

When it's most convenient to you

That they mean something else

But, they don't

You know exactly what you're saying

The way I know exactly how I'm feeling