Heart Breaking - Tumblr Posts

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long way home 11 | jjk

pairing: jungkook x reader

word count: 2.1k

genre: dilf!jungkook, friends to lovers

rating: pg

warnings: mentions of sexual assault (oc doesn't talk about it that explicitly but still read w caution pls if that subject is triggering for u), mentions of wounds/blood

summary: the one where you're absolutely broken and there's only jungkook that you need.

a/n: posting this without proof reading cos im tired 🧍‍♀️

chapters: 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 | 10 | 11 |

masterlist | long way home masterlist

⭒☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆⭒

[ 1 year and 5 months ago ]

Clasping your phone with shaky hands you try to press the contacts button with trembling fingers.

Your throat hurts from trying not to make a single sound while tears stream down your cheeks.

You clutch the thick fabric of the hoodie that you had thrown over your body minutes ago, knuckles turning white as your grip grows stronger.

You barely manage to make out Jungkook's name through your blurry vision. You call him, pressing the phone against you ear.

You hope he will pick up your call. He hasn't been exactly doing that the past 2 weeks. The only sign of life you get every now and then are when Sora updates her Instagram with new posts, every single one including Jungkook.

He's hanging around lots with her recently -  which, is kinda understandable since she is his girlfriend, but he never went that far to ignore you for weeks because he spend all of his time with her.

The sound of your phone that resounds in your ear as you're waiting for Jungkook to pick up almost feels like it's mocking you. You nearly give up and put the phone away when there's suddenly silence. And then you hear him.

"Y/n?" Jungkook slurs, sounding like he has just woken up.

"Jungkook." His name is a whisper. You're still too scared to speak. Too afraid that Minjun might wake up if you're too loud.

Upon hearing the little sniffles and your hesitant voice, he says alarmingly, "What's the matter? Where are you?" You hear his bedsheets rustling in the background.

"I'm home," you croak.

"You...?" Jungkook seems confused.

"I need you," you say. Emitting a quivering breath you repeat, "I need you, Jungkook."

Not even a second goes by when Jungkook answers, "I'll be there in ten, okay? Don't worry, baby. Just stay right where you are."

He hangs up and you kinda wish he hadn't hung up. Hearing his warm voice was comforting. And now you're left alone in the silence of the way too bright bathroom. The cold tiles causes goose bumps to cover your legs.

You pull your legs up and hug them with your arms.

Don't worry, you repeat in your head. Once Jungkook will be here, everything's gonna be alright. You just need to sit here in absolute silence.

You try to steady your shaky breathing and it does help for a little while until you think back of a few hours and everything comes crashing down again.

You're a mess.

And you desperately need to be somewhere else than in your small, suffocating bathroom.

Not even 10 minutes later your phone vibrates.

jungkook

i'm here 3:28 am

Your heart stops beating for a moment when you read Jungkook's message. He's here.

Your first instinct is to scurry out of the apartment and right into Jungkook's arms, but you remind yourself that you still have to be quiet.

Silently you leave the bathroom and slowly walk to the front door. You grab the keys and slip into your shoes. You make sure to close the door very gently behind you.

You walk down the stairs with cautious steps. You don't feel steady on your feet and the constant tears welling in your eyes makes it hard to see.

When you're finally outside of the apartment complex you find Jungkook leaning against his car. You cross your arms as you walk towards him.

Once Jungkook sees your tear stained face and shivering body, he's even more alarmed than he already was.

"What did he do to you?" Jungkook says, rushing to you. He cups your cheeks, searching for an answer in your eyes while thumbing your tears.

You don't know how, but somehow Jungkook knew that this has to do with Minjun.

You shake your head, bottom lip quivering as you try to keep the cries in.

His brows are knitted and there are so many emotions painted on his face. There's anger, worry, resentment, solicitude.

In contrary to him you're hurt, helpless, broken and in need for so much comfort and safety that it makes you push his arms away to be able to hug him.

He's tense. Probably from all the anger raging inside him. He relaxes when he hugs you back, hands rubbing your back in a soothing manner.

You have your cheek pressed against his chest and though you can't force the tears to stop escaping your eyes, you can feel your open wounds slightly healing with every breath you take from Jungkook's homelike scent.

"It hurts so bad," you sniffle.

He bends down to give your head a little peck. "Let's get you away from here, hm?"

You nod against his body, though you remain curled against Jungkook for a little longer.

~

At Jungkook's place he helps you changing your clothes. You asked for a hoodie of his. He didn't question why, just handed it to you with a pair of leggings  that you've left here a long time ago.

You both didn't say much. And Jungkook didn't try to pepper you with questions.

You're sitting on the edge of his bed when he brushes your hair behind your ear.

"I'll get you some water, yeah?"

He turns to leave, but you catch a hold of his wrist. "No," you pout. "Don't leave me alone." You get on your feet.

Jungkook takes your hand in his. "I won't," he says, after giving you a reassuring squeeze.

With his hand still around yours he takes you to the kitchen where he fills up a glass with water.

You sit down on a chair, waiting for him.

"Here," he says, holding the glass in front of you. "You should get some hydration."

You are indeed thirsty, your throat feels dry from all the crying, but still, your hands don't reach for the water. 

It's impossible to keep your thoughts away from drifting to what had happened tonight. Tears begin to well in your eyes. You avert your gaze down, not able to look into Jungkook's eyes.

He sets the glass on the table, worry taking over his features.

When the first whimper emits from you Jungkook kneels down and places his hands on your thighs.

"I-I've said no so many times," you sob. "But he still kept going." Your cheeks are wet again.

Jungkook's mouth hangs open a little when he realises what you've gone through tonight.

"He touched you?" Jungkook whispers, eyes staring at you intensely.

"I didn't want him to," you explain, burying your face in your hands. "But he didn't stop," you mumble into your palms.

"Fuck," Jungkook curses, jaw clenched. But he shakes his thoughts off. He tugs a chair close to you and pulls you into his arms. Jungkook allows you to let everything out.

It's a long night. He comforts you in the kitchen for you don't know how many minutes. Later he takes you to the living room after you've stated that you don't want to sleep yet.

He puts your favourite drama on, though neither of you watch. You cuddle and talk a little until Jungkook notices that you've fallen asleep on his chest. He brings you to his bedroom and tucks you up in his bed. You wake up during that process.

"I'm sorry," he mumbles when he meets your open eyes.

You don't say anything, just waiting for him to get underneath the duvet as well.

"Come sleep with me," you say, patting the empty side. He seems a little hesitant and you don't know why. "Please," you press. You know that you won't be able to have a peaceful sleep if he won't be next to you.

After looking into your pleading eyes Jungkook lays down next to you. You cuddle him from the side and close your eyes. The gentle brush of his fingers on your waist makes you fall into a deep slumber.

~

It's still dark outside when you wake up.

You don't know what woke you up but when you take a glimpse at the other side of the bed you notice it's emptiness.

Jungkook's side of the bed isn't even warm anymore. It's cold.

In an instant you get up. You search his whole apartment but there isn't a trace of Jungkook left behind.

It's not even 7 am. Where could he possibly be?

You're in the kitchen when you hear keys opening the front door. You whirl around, rushing to the door.

You're a few steps away when Jungkook enters the apartment. His eyes go big as he sees you standing in the middle of the hallway. He stays still, like he got caught doing something bad.

It's only when you get closer to him you see the wounds on his face.

"Where - where were you?" you ask.

Sheepishly, he scratches the back of his neck. His knuckles are red, some even bleeding.

"Jungkook," you whisper, concern filling your eyes.

"I couldn't - I...I just had to do this."

You shake your head when you realise where he had been.

Sighing, you cup his face with your hands. There's a wound on his bottom lip and a trail of dried blood coming from his nose.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," he replies.

"Is he....?"

"I don't think he is fine," Jungkook shrugs. "But he'll get fine soon enough."

You brush you finger over his wound on his bottom lip.

"I should treat your wounds, Gguk."

You see the protest lingering in his eyes because he always tells you that you shouldn't worry too much about my injuries because they'll heal perfectly fine but you never care about what he has to say about this, so there's no exception for this time around either. You drag him to the bathroom where the first aid kid is stored.

~

"You shouldn't have done this."

You're applying a thin layer of antibiotic ointment on Jungkook's bottom lip after having cleaned all of his injuries with water. He's sitting on the closed toilet lid.

"You're lucky that nothing happened to your piercings," you add, eyeing both of his lip and eyebrow piercing.

Jungkook doesn't even flinch anymore when you smear the ointment over his wound. In the past years of having his injuries treated by you he had become used to the pain.

"You should be glad I didn't drive back to him the second you've told me what he did to you."

You stare at his lips. You shouldn't be loving the words that come out of his mouth to this extent.

"Is he still there?"

"I kicked him out."

"Thank you."

"Baby," he calls you. "Look at me."

You slowly drift your gaze up to his eyes.

You see it in his eyes, he wants to talk about this more. But you shake your head.

"I don't wanna talk about it."

"But you know that you can always talk to me about everything, right?"

"I know," you assure.

You'd die to give his lips a short peck. But you ignore that thought and grab his wrist to start covering his knuckles with the ointment as well. He has pretty hands. The kind that everyone would love to hold all day long.

The silence that falls upon you two isn't uncomfortable. It makes you remember that you wanted to ask Jungkook why he has been ignoring you so much lately.

Looking at the tatted hand that you're applying antibiotic ointment on you try to approach the situation differently.

"I've missed you."

He looks up at you, guilt in his eyes.

"I'm sorry," he whispers. "Sora has been...I don't know. She doesn't like when I'm with you. Gets jealous and stuff."

You nod in sympathy. Minjun was like that too.

"I promise I won't be gone anymore. I'm here for you, okay?"

Though you don't want to upset his girlfriend, you still want to be with your best friend, so you ask, "Can we spend the day together tomorrow?"

"Of course."

"Do...do you think we could both call in sick for work?"

Jungkook smiles. "So you want that kind of hangout?"

You smile back at him. "Yeah."

"Good. Because I think I was gonna catch a fever tomorrow anyway."

You giggle.

You don't know how you're able to smile and laugh after how much you've cried today, but you guess that's just what being with Jungkook is like.

He makes it so easy for you to forget about all the bad things. When you're with him you forget about your surroundings and there's just you and him.

But maybe that's just what being in love feels like, you're not sure.

---

the way life goes — five

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: na jaemin x reader 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐑𝐄: smut, angst, fluff 𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒: ever since eunbin came back into the picture, you start to truly realise where you stand and what you want from jaemin... but nothing ever really goes the way it's supposed to go 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓: 30.9k

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: slow burn, so much plot and too much dialogue, friends with benefits, friends to possible lovers, the majority of kpop 00' liners are in this, other nct members make appearances, crackhead humour throughout, a lot of sex innuendos, college!jaemin, black haired jaemin, jaemin is super mysterious and hot, a lot of angst in this one, heartbreaking moments maybe, bring tissues besties, explicit content, swearing, jaemin gets a handjob, jaemin kinda turns into a sub... kinda, the reader honestly controls the situation, reader rides jaemin in a chair yeehaw, lingering kisses as always, soft sex almost sickening, miwoo points out the obvious, the backstory of the ring is FINALLY here, also jeno tells his true feelings about eunbin, eunbin explains relationship from her side, jeno and reader besties, donghyuck yangyang and reader trio moments, also jeno yangyang donghyuck and reader moments, jeno and reader moments, yangyang comes to a realisation, reader also comes to a realisation, jeno meets eunbin, a lot of mentions of anxiety here and there, perhaps new haired jaemin maybe who knows, alcohol consumption, drunken mishaps... drunk words = sober thoughts?, the girls have a moment, reader meets red haired beauty, a lot of mentions of the trip, overuse of the word pretty

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐎𝐍𝐄 ‣ 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐓𝐖𝐎 ‣ 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐄 ‣ 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑

[the insta posts]

You’re silent the entire trip to the café, head hung low and your hands buried deep into your armpits to keep them warm but the cold air that nips at your face and bare legs distract you, unable to focus on any source of warmth.

Your teeth chatter and you’re so desperate to turn around and go back home but with the constant buzz of your phone in your pocket, you know turning back wasn’t an answer. They are waiting for you at the café, for you and Jaemin.

Anxiety seeps through your veins when you start to think about Jaemin and his long awaited conversation he’s about to have with Eunbin, it makes your stomach churn and your heart race but you try to keep yourself calm as you breathe steadily. There was no reason for you to feel the way that you are, you remind yourself as you near towards your destination. You don’t understand the exact feeling… but you shouldn’t be feeling it.

The bell rings above your head as you push open the door to the cafe, instantly spotting your group of friends sitting around a table near the back. You can’t help but smile when you see them laugh together, watching Donghyuck, who’s already offended at whatever's been said at the table, swat away Jeno’s hand as he tries to reach out and squeeze his cheeks.

A soft call of your name comes from your right and you turn to face the person belonging to the voice, seeing Kun standing behind the counter with Jisung and Chenle at his side. You almost fail to notice that girl standing behind Chenle, staring out into the customers with wide eyes and you nearly awe at the sight until the former snaps his fingers in your direction, ushering you forwards.

“Don’t snap your fingers at our customers” Kun seethes through his teeth, pinching the top of Chenle’s ear as a warning and Jisung smiles in amusement, nudging the new workers shoulder to capture her attention and even she starts to snicker at the sight in front of her.

Chenle rips away from Kun’s grasp, glaring at the trio as he cradles the sore area on his ear. He threatens to hit Jisung for smiling, raising his arm to get ready to strike but Jisung grabs the newest worker and holds her out in front of him, acting as a shield.

Kun looks at them, shaking his head in disappointment before he turns to face you, sending you an apologetic smile. “Sorry about that brat… Do you want your usual?”

“It’s okay, I’m fine” You shake your head, jabbing your thumb in the direction of your friends. “I’m gonna go…”

Kun nods in understanding, waving you away and you bid him a quick goodbye as you turn on your heel, making your way over to the group who fail to recognize your arrival until you stand behind Shotaro, capturing the attention of Renjun and Haru.

“Nice of you to finally show up” Renjun gives you a sarcastic smile and you flip him off with a smile of your own. Shotaro leans his head back, bumping into your stomach and the way he grins up at you makes your heart warm. You coo softly, raking your fingers through his hair and scratching at his scalp as if he was a cute little puppy.

Donghyuck reaches out to grab your wrist and tug you towards the empty seat between Yangyang and himself, forcing you to sit down and he gasps in shock as his knuckles accidentally brush against your cold legs.

“Why the fuck didn’t you wear anything warmer?!” Donghyuck scolds you angrily just as Yangyang slips off his coat and wraps it around your frame. You open your mouth to protest but you sigh in defeat as he fastens a few of the buttons while Donghyuck takes this opportunity to drape his own coat over your bare legs, rubbing for extra warmth and continues to scold you with interesting profanities.

You don't bother explaining to them why you had took so long to come nor did you explain to them why you showed up alone, allowing them to continue talking about whatever they were talking about before you arrived, watching as Miwoo dramatically throws her hands in the air as Renjun nonchalantly insults her way as he tries, and succeeds, in riling her up.

Jeno doesn’t say much, to your surprise, as he watches the two bicker, quietly drinking his iced coffee. He wears a tight fitted beanie on his head which makes his eyebrows and his eyes seem a lot more intimidating when he stares or is focussed on something, it makes your heart thump when he glances over to the table to meet your gaze.

He sends you a tight lipped smile which you give back, a small silent greeting between the two of you, before he turns his attention back to the phone in his hand, using his thumb to swipe across the screen.

“Why are you so quiet?” A voice lowly asks from beside you and you turn your head to meet Yangyang’s concerned expression. You shrug your shoulders, uncertain on how to give him an answer and the frown on his face deepens.

“Are you sick?” Donghyuck asks this time in a sincere tone which he rarely lets out, removing his hand from it’s position on your legs to press against your forehead. He hums. “Your temperature is fine”

“I’m just tired” You tell them.

Donghyuck mocks offense as he points at himself. “From me?” He then points at Yangyang. “From us?”

You roll your eyes, not being able to stop the smile that threatens to spread across your lips. “Shut up”

“We can take you home, if you want?” Yangyang offers and Donghyuck nods beside you. “We haven’t got anything planned for the rest of the day anyways, so we can leave”

“I’m good” You shake your head, reassuring them that you’re fine despite the hesitancy in your voice. Yangyang eyes you for a few seconds before believing your words, nodding his head while reaching for his drink. Donghyuck doesn’t budge, staring straight at you without even blinking and you take this opportunity to stare back, having an inner staring content which Donghyuck catches onto immediately as the corner of lips lift upwards into a smirk.

You shout in surprise when Donghyuck cheats by clapping his hands in your face and you ball your own hands into tight fists, jabbing them at his chest and arms that he tries to dodge, defending himself by karate chopping your own body with ‘whooshing’ sounds.

“If either of you knock over any coffee, I will start attacking” Chenle warns as he appears beside the table with a tray of breakfast specials in hand, eyeing the half full coffee cups that are scattered across the table. “I’m on cleanup duty today and if I see one drop of coffee on the floor, I swear to god I will—”

Miwoo scoffs. “Okay, we get it you little brat”

“Do you want to die?” Chenle mouths scarily just as Kun arrives over to the table, taking it upon himself to grab the plates from the tray Chenle holds, placing them down on the table. Your group gives Kun an odd look to why he was setting all types of pastries and cakes on the table. He tells you all that they’re his newest recipes and he’s handing them out for your group to test try, completely free of charges which makes them all grin widely but Yangyang points at Kun, seemingly not convinced.

“Are you trying to poison us?”

Kun gives him a blank look. “If I wanted to poison you, I would’ve done it with your drinks already”

Yangyang purses his lips together in deep thought. “Hm, touche”

Kun rolls his eyes and takes a hold of Chenle’s upper arm to tug him away from your table. Chenle withstands for a moment before giving in, allowing Kun to drag him away but he keeps his glare on Miwoo who throws her middle finger up in his direction, an evil smirk spreading across her face as Chenle seethes through his teeth before he’s pulled into the backroom.

“Kun treats us so well” Haru says as she picks up a chocolate coated croissant and bites into it, eyes widening and letting out a gasp as she chews. She holds out the treat towards Renjun who takes a bite without question, seemingly impressed as he nods his head, licking the chocolate off of the corner of his lips.

Your mouth salivates as Haru turns the croissant towards the rest of you to show what’s inside, chocolate and what looks like banana slices oozing from where it has been bitten open.

Donghyuck groans. “I think I just came in my pants''

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

“So…” Miwoo begins after a short moment of silence, the group too preoccupied with eating their breakfasts or drinking their coffees to even start another conversation. Everyone’s heads turn to Miwoo who dips one of her cinnamon breadsticks in a little bowl of syrup, chewing the treat slowly as her eyes roam across the room until they focus on you. “Is nobody going to question the obvious or are you all going to make me do it?”

“What are you talking about?” Donghyuck questions with a full mouth and Yangyang leans over your body to whack the back of his head for his lack of manners, making Donghyuck almost choke on his toast as he coughs uncontrollably. You pat Donghyuck’s back, hoping to help him in some way as you try and stifle your laugh, almost losing as Donghyuck turns to thank you with strained eyes.

“Oh, come on… you can’t be that dense” Miwoo chuckles, attention flickering to Donghyuck for a second before going back to you. “Where’s Jaemin?”

Your throat immediately dries up, mouth clamped shut and unable to answer her simple question. The way the group has their attention on you causes you to panic, legs beginning to nervously bounce under the table and fists curl tightly, nails digging into palm.

Haru’s the first to notice, calling your name softly as she reaches across the table to touch your hand, concern filling her eyes as she tries to slip her fingers between your clenched fists, hoping to discreetly pull your nails away from your skin.

She calls your name again, squeezing your hand gently to help coax you out of your panic state. You blink, trying to out blur your eyes and ignore the faint buzzing noise in your ears as you turn towards Haru, allowing her to slip her fingers between yours.

“You good?” Renjun speaks up first, concern evident in his tone. “We lost you there for a second”

“I’m fine” You lie through your teeth and you know they don’t believe you so you clear your throat, grabbing Yangyang’s coffee to take a sip. He doesn’t stop you, like he’d usually would, whining about how you should’ve bought your own. Instead, he just stares. He watches.

Jeno’s even looking at you now and with all their eyes on you, you feel like you’re going to throw up. You swallow thickly, opening your mouth to speak but Haru beats you to it, easily grabbing everyone’s attention off of you as she whips out her phone to announce new music from an artist that you all liked.

The gasps and the excitement was enough to allow the heavy weight to lift off of your chest and you smile gratefully at Haru who sends a wink your way. She’s always got your back, she’s always the one to help you out of a sticky situation and you couldn’t be more thankful than you already are.

You quietly excuse yourself from the table, pushing Donghyuck’s coat off of your legs and into his lap as you stand up, beginning to unbutton Yangyang’s coat but with the look he gives you, you decide against it, giving him your best smile before disappearing to the bathroom.

Once you’re alone, you make a straight beeline for the sink, twisting the tap and sticking your wrists under the cold running water. Your thumb massages the cold water into your skin and you slowly feel your body relax, the anxiety peeling away from your bones and leaving you at peace.

You raise your head to stare at your reflection in the mirror and tired eyes stare back. Your lips twist into a grimace, you look horrible, but you can’t seem to find the urge to care about your appearance, not when there’s so much shit going on inside your head.

Turning off the tap and drying your hands, you slip your hand under Yangyang’s coat to fish your phone out of your hoodie, unlocking the device and tapping the message icon to bring up yours and Jaemin’s last conversation, eyes scanning over the last text that he sent, how urgent he was for you. Your thumbs begin to move against the keyboard.

you: what are u talki . . . ERASED you: is eunbin still . . . ERASED you: are u . . . ERASED

What the fuck are you even supposed to say? You sigh in frustration, rubbing at your forehead as you stare down at the blank message. You don’t want to interrupt him from the conversation and you most definitely don’t want to seem like a stalker by constantly messaging him, but you’re worried… for him? For Eunbin? Or was it for you?

you: i hope ur okay

You click send, watching the delivered sign appear at the bottom before shoving the device away, not wanting to wait and see if he’s read the message. Taking a deep breath, you hold your head high as you walk out of the bathroom, heading back over to your table and sitting down just in time to hear Renjun and Miwoo bicker back and forth over something that has the others laughing.

Haru smiles at you the second you sit down and Donghyuck loosely throws his arm around your shoulders, his other leaning on the table as he takes pictures of the pair fighting, trying his best to get their worse angles and closeups that almost have you snorting.

Yangyang makes a small, harmless comment to add fuel to Renjun and Miwoo’s fire, he splutters in shock as the two turn on him, throwing creative insults and curse words his way and Donghyuck joins in to defend his friend, his arm dropping from your shoulders and putting his phone down on the table to alternate between pointing at them and throwing up his middle finger.

“You’re quieter than usual” Jeno says to you and you almost have trouble hearing him if it wasn’t for him leaning around Donghyuck’s chair to speak to you. He gives you a smile. “I know you said you’re fine earlier, but… you good?”

“It’s been a long morning” You tell him, wrapping your arms around your middle with a soft chuckle. “I’m just ready for this day to be over already”

“Yeah?” Jeno raises a brow, leaning his chin on the back of his chair as he stares at you. “What happened?”

You pause for a moment, teeth chewing at the side of your cheek as you contemplate on whether to tell Jeno the truth. He deserves to know the truth… that’s his best friend.

You suck in a breath. “It’s Eunbin… She’s back”

The silence is deafening and you flinch at the way everyone’s heads abruptly snap in your direction, eyes wide as your words slowly sink in. Renjun struggles to form a sentence, his mouth opening and closing repeatedly and Shotaro remains frozen with a fork hanging out of his mouth while Yangyang and Donghyuck share unreadable looks with each other.

Jeno’s reaction scares you the most and the way Miwoo worryingly glances over at him fails to settle your nerves. He’s silent, eyes staring straight into yours, dark and heavy. Miwoo softly calls out his name and despite them being on not good terms, she reaches to place her hand on top of his in hopes to calm him down.

“When did she get back?” Haru asks first, taking a brief glance at the boys. “Wasn’t she in New York?”

“She said she flew in early this morning”

“You’ve talked to her?” Donghyuck gapes, eyes almost bulging out of his head as he stares at you in shock. You slowly nod your head to confirm and Donghyuck abruptly turns in his seat to face Jeno who’s looking at Miwoo now. She’s speaking to him quietly, words just for him as she pats his hand, trying her best to calm him down which seems to be working as he listens intently, jaw still stiff but eyes gentle.

“How did you talk to her?” Shotaro asks this time with a frown. “How did that even happen?”

“I went to go see Jaemin this morning…” You trail off, nerves beginning to kick in as your teeth gnaw at your bottom lip. “Eunbin’s there”

Yangyang almost chokes on his own saliva. “She’s there?”

You nod your head. “Yeah… She wanted to see Jaemin as soon as she flew in”

“Did Jaemin let her in?” Jeno finally speaks, tone low and scary. You almost gulp at the way he’s now looking at you and you forget to speak, cowering back into your chair with goosebumps rising at the back of your neck. Jeno tongues his cheek, jaw tense and brows furrowing as he stares straight at you, already piecing together what you are going to say.

He knows the answer. He hates that he knows the answer. Jeno shakes his head, reaching for his coffee and taking a lengthy sip through his straw, fingers wrapping around the plastic cup so tightly you’re afraid it will spill.

Donghyuck, Yangyang, Shotaro and Renjun all share a look with each other that doesn’t go unnoticed by you or the girls. You want to say something, anything, but you can’t find the right words and the sentences and the questions that float around in your head refuse to make sense… you also didn't want to make the situation worse knowing that if you say something wrong, Jeno could blow.

“So that’s why you came here alone” Miwoo states, shaking her head with a laugh of disbelief. “He’s a fucking idiot”

“Miwoo” You warn her, shaking your head softly and giving her a pleading smile.

“What? I’m telling the truth” Miwoo shrugs innocently, leaning back into her seat. “He’s a fucking idiot for not being here with us right now. I know you’re all thinking it, I’m just brave enough to actually say it”

Miwoo shoves her spoon into her yoghurt and eats happily, oblivious to the way everyone is looking at her. You can see Jeno wants to retaliate to her words, his jaw tense and eyes rolling in annoyance.

“I mean, I hate to admit it but she’s not wrong” Donghyuck admits, leaning his arms on the table comfortably. Miwoo clicks her tongue and points at Donghyuck, grinning at the fact he’s agreeing with her and Donghyuck flips her off before continuing. “He is an idiot for not being here… but I don’t exactly blame him, you know, the hold that Eunbin has on him is—“

“Dude” Yangyang cuts him off, shaking his head as if to tell him to shut up and Donghyuck does with a sigh, muttering under his breath how he was just trying to explain how unbelievable Eunbin is.

A part of you wanted to hear what Donghyuck had to say, wanting to know how Eunbin was to Jaemin and the type of hold Donghyuck had claimed she had on him but the other part of you is happy that you didn’t have to hear anything, knowing that the weird feeling in your chest will grow heavier, becoming uncomfortable and unbearable.

Yangyang knocks his shoulders against yours and you lift your head to meet his eyes. He smiles at you, a soft smile, a comforting one that you can’t help but let yourself smile back at. Yangyang leans his head down closer to yours, his voice low as he whispers to you, asking if you would like to go home and you nod without even thinking much about it. You didn’t want to be here anymore.

The two of you stand up from your seats together, Yangyang opening his mouth to let them know that you two are going to leave until the bell above the cafe door dings as it's pushed open, revealing Jaemin. He’s alone, sporting his favourite black hoodie with a white cat and some sweats with a cap on top of his head.

The way the group stops talking and turns their heads towards him makes your cheeks feel hot. It’s obvious you were all talking about him and you know that Jaemin knows just by how he’s looking at you all, brows furrowing and his jaw tense.

Once Jaemin’s eyes land on you, he gives you the kindest smile. He looks okay. He seems okay. Maybe the talk he had with Eunbin made everything better… But was that even a good thing or a bad thing?

Yangyang presses his hand on your lower back, a sign for you to move so you both can leave and it doesn’t go unnoticed by Jaemin who immediately looks at Yangyang with a deadpan expression. Yangyang doesn’t falter, staring right back at Jaemin, almost giving him the same look back.

“Nice of you to finally show up” Yangyang speaks up first and you sigh, closing your eyes in annoyance, not liking the tone Yangyang decides to use.

Jaemin doesn’t even bother to reply, instead he pulls his hand out of his pockets and holds it out for you to take. You stare at his hand, your own twitching at your side, desperate to intertwine your fingers with his own.

“Let’s go” He says to you with another one of his soft smiles.

“But you just got here…” Shotaro states, looking at Jaemin with a slight pout. He gestures towards the empty seat that everyone had left for him if he had decided to show up. “Come eat with us”

“I’m not hungry” Jaemin tells him apologetically, turning his attention back on you. His hand is still outstretched, waiting for you to take but for some reason, you’re hesitant. Why are you so hesitant? Your body earns for his touch yet the inner voice inside of your head prevents you from doing so, not only making you frustrated but annoyed.

“Are you avoiding us because you don’t want to talk about who showed up at your front door this morning?” Miwoo teases with a sly grin, resting her chin on her hand. Your tongue pokes at your cheek in annoyance as you glance over your shoulder at her, shaking your head as she gives you an innocent smile. “Come on, big boy… we wanna hear all about it”

Jaemin lets out a halfhearted chuckle, clearly unamused with Miwoo’s words as he clicks his tongue against his teeth. Haru nudges Miwoo’s foot with her own and gives her a look that immediately makes Miwoo shut down, a pout present on her face as she drinks her coffee while grumbling how she was genuinely curious.

“Can we go to your place?” Jaemin asks you quietly as your attention turns back on him, eyes almost pleading for you to take his hand and leave with him. “I want to talk to you”

You nod your head slowly, reaching out to touch his hand and his fingers clasp around yours just as you make contact, immediately tugging you into his side. He gives your hand a squeeze, letting out a shaky breath as he presses his lips to yours for a quick peck before he guides you out of the cafe, not even saying goodbye to the others who watch with mixed reactions.

Yangyang’s arm drops to his side in defeat, breathing out a huff as he sits back down into his seat and Donghyuck pats his back, giving him a tight lipped smile which Yangyang forced himself to give back, a twinge of sadness in his eyes.

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

“So, how did it go?” The question you’re dreading to ask slipped out before you could even process it, chewing on your bottom lip as you sit down on your bed, scooting backwards to rest against the wall and you go to bring your knees up to your chest until Jaemin pushes your legs down, crawling on the bed and plopping his head down in your lap.

You pull the cap off of his head so he wouldn’t have to lay at an awkward angle and place it down to your side, allowing him to be more comfortable and he sighs softly, relaxing into your touch the second he feels your fingers play with his hair.

He’s quiet for a few minutes, the silence deafening and it makes you uncomfortable, biting back the urge to question him again because you didn’t want to seem desperate… you didn’t want to seem too—

“It went really good”

Really good. His words repeat in your mind and your face turns sour without you even realising, tongue prodding at your cheek in annoyance as you stare at the wall opposite you. Jaemin grins up at you in amusement, raising his hand to flick your forehead and you hiss, rubbing your hand over the sore area as you glare down at Jaemin but all he does is chuckle.

“I told her how I felt about her leaving” He starts off and you listen intently, dropping your hand down to his stomach where his own hands lay, letting him fiddle with your cold fingers. “I was honest with my feelings, made her understand how even though I was happy she wanted to follow her dreams and actually got what she wanted, she hurt me in the process. Eunbin got upset and apologised a bunch of times… she admitted to being selfish, which was weird to hear, I didn’t expect her to say that and I didn’t really know how to react”

You frown softly. “Why?”

“I don’t know” He mumbles with a shrug of his shoulders. “I guess I never really expected the conversation to go so smoothly, you know? But I’m happy I did it… I got my closure, and I think we’re fine now”

And you’re left unsatisfied. You purse your lips together, not liking the weird feeling lingering in the back of your mind. Something was bugging you about his answer and you struggle to pinpoint what it was. He said so much… yet he said so fucking little. You itched to ask more questions, to demand more answers but it wasn’t your place. It will never be your place.

Jaemin’s quick to notice how quiet you’ve become, pushing himself up on his elbows to kiss your lips softly but he pulls back before you can enjoy it so you follow his lips for more. The sound of his deep chuckle makes you pause and you blink a few times before moving away, fighting back a shy smile.

Jaemin tilts his head to the side as he stares at you with a grin, pecking your mouth once more before his hands grip your body, quickly manoeuvring you both into a lying position. His arm slips under your head and wraps around your shoulder as he pulls you into his chest, his fingers smoothing your hair as your own come to rest at his hip, massaging the skin mindlessly.

“Jaem…” You call out his name softly and he hums, letting you know he heard you. “What’s going to happen between you and Eunbin now?” He makes a noise of confusion and you start to cringe at yourself for making this situation a little awkward. “Are you and Eunbin, like, friends now?”

“I don’t really care” Jaemin admits, shrugging his shoulders carelessly as he twirls your hair around his fingers.

You crane your head to look up at him, surprised. “You don’t?”

“No” He answers easily, looking up at your ceiling. “If Eunbin wants to start fresh and be friends, I guess I’d be okay with that… But I’m not going to be making the first move”

“Would you want to be friends with her?”

Jaemin looks at you now, his nose brushing against yours. The corner of his lips twitch upwards, fingers still twirling strands of your hair but he stops to cup your jaw, his thumb delicately rubbing small circles on your cheek. “What’s with all the questions?”

“I’m just trying to figure you out” You’re honest with him this time and Jaemin’s brows quirk in surprise. “You don’t say much in general but when you do, it’s hard to understand where you’re at mentally”

Jaemin doesn’t say anything to that. Instead, he just smiles and goes back to playing with your hair. You hiss in pain when it gets stuck around his rings and he utters small amounts of apologies while laughing as he untangles your hair from around his jewellery, cooing and patting your head to calm you down but you curse loudly, hitting your fist against his chest for payback even though it was a complete accident that your hair got caught.

The two of you relax in silence for a couple of minutes, Jaemin’s fingers resuming in playing with your hair which would’ve pushed away if it wasn’t for the fact it was making you tired, the warmth of his embrace adding to the effect but you force yourself to stay awake, staring at Jaemin who’s eyes flutter shut, his breathing steady.

“Jaemin” You call out his name softly, pushing his messy bangs out of his face and he hums. “Did you… Did you mean what you said earlier?”

His one eye opens to stare at you and he feels hot under your touch, focussing on the way your hand pushes back his hair while his own pauses in yours. He remembers what he had told you earlier before he was left alone with Eunbin, he remembers it well, loud and clear.

Both of his eyes peel open as Jaemin blinks at you and you immediately what the bed to swallow you whole at his lack of words, wanting to disappear and have him forget you asking such a stupid question and you nearly escape from his embrace until you see him slowly begin to nod.

“Yeah” He says, gaze unmoving from yours. “Yeah, I meant it”

Your face warms and you struggle to speak, unable to form a proper sentence. “Cool”

You immediately cringe at your response, almost slapping yourself for being and sounding so awkward but Jaemin seems to find your answer amusing as a smile slips across his lips. With the arm that’s wrapped around you, he tugs you closer to kiss you. He kisses you so softly, his hand stilling in your hair as the other comes up to cup your cheeks.

You melt into his touch, reciprocating the kiss with the same amount of softness he’s giving you. The sounds of smooching fills the room, tongues mingling together with light feathery touches. Your heart hammers rapidly against your chest and you can’t help but wonder if Jaemin could feel it but you’re left unanswered yet again as his hand travels down from your cheek to grip your hip, pulling you on top of him.

You break the kiss to catch your breath, pressing your palms against Jaemin’s chest to sit up on his lap. His hands disappear beneath the sweatshirt you’re wearing, fingers gripping the flesh of your waist and kneading the skin, pressing his thumbs to your stomach.

“I miss feeling me here” He mutters under his breath, capturing his bottom lip between his teeth as he looks up at you, looking so pretty above him. He softly calls out to you. “Baby…”

His hands roam around your body, tickling your back with the pad of his fingers and you arch slightly as you feel his nails scratch at the bare skin, a teasing smile spreading across his face as he realises you’re not wearing a bra beneath the sweatshirt.

Jaemin sits up to pull the material over your head, carelessly discarding it to the floor which you usually would’ve gotten annoyed at if you weren’t already distracted by the way he’s looking at you. He smothers your face in gentle kisses while his hands caress your body. You sigh softly, closing your eyes as you bask in the feeling of his lips, goosebumps rising to your skin in his path. He nips at your jaw, neck, shoulders, making his way down to your chest and you shiver the second you feel his tongue press against your hardened bud.

“Jaemin” You gasp out his name as he mouths at your breast, sucking and nipping at the skin. You rake your fingers through his hair, gripping the roots as you tug his head back and his mouth drops open in surprise, breathing heavily. You try to steady your erratic heart while you stare at him. “You make me feel like I’m losing my mind sometimes”

He quirks a brow. “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”

You suck in a breath as you feel his hands run down your body, fingers tugging at the strings of your shorts. Your bottom lip gets sucked between your teeth when you feel his hand dip inside your shorts and you let go of his hair to grip his shoulders as his fingers press against the damp patch of your underwear.

You gasp as you feel him push your panties to the side, his fingers prodding at your slick entrance. “Fuck I don’t know”

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

You and Jaemin spent the entire day in your room, rotating between watching movies and messy makeout sessions that left you both flustered and unsatisfied. Sex was absolutely thrown out of the window the second the entire group walked through the front door, talking loudly and laughing about whatever joke someone had said, completely ruining the mood for you and Jaemin, despite the first few times Jaemin tried to coax you into riding his dick but with Donghyuck and Yangyang on the other side of the wall, you knew you would both get caught and would never hear the end of it.

You really did not want to get teased by the two.

Jaemin stayed over for the night but left early in the morning, waking you up with a soft shake to tell you that he had to leave and explaining that jeno had been blowing up his phone, demanding to talk to him before classes today. He had kissed your forehead, bidding you a silent goodbye before disappearing and allowing you to go back to sleep, but that only lasted for an hour until you were up on your feet, getting your belongings ready for your classes later.

“Good morning” You’re instantly greeted when you step into the bathroom, seeing Haru standing in front of the mirror in just her underwear and a towel wrapped around her hair, pumping her bottle of moisturiser in her hands.

You give her a sleepy smile, sluggishly making your way over to the glass shower door that was already steamed from previous use, reaching around to turn the valve for the water. You yawn as you turn back to face Haru, almost stumbling over your feet while scratching the back of your head.

Haru snickers at your sleepy state and you flip her off while stretching out your limbs, letting out a groan. She eyes the shirt you’re wearing, a celine tie-dyed shirt that clearly didn’t belong to you.

“Did Jaemin spend the entire night?” Haru asks and you hum in response, leaning against the glass shower door as you watch her apply the moisturiser to her face, rubbing it into her skin. She glances at you briefly before looking back at her reflection in the mirror. “Did he say anything to you about Eunbin?”

“Yeah” You nod your head, dipping your hand under the showerhead to test the pressure and the warmth. “Kind of”

“Kind of?” Haru repeats, unwrapping her hair from the towel and picking up a serum bottle, applying small drops to her hair. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“He talked about her but—yawn—it wasn’t much. He didn’t go into full detail like I expected him to…” You pause to frown, looking down at your toes. “I guess I shouldn’t have expected him to anyways, it’s not my place”

Haru watches as you strip, kicking your clothes into a pile on the side before you jump into the shower, standing beneath the hot stream of water. Her tongue pokes at her cheek in thought, raking her fingers through her hair and sectioning it neatly.

She pops the question. “What were you expecting him to say?”

“I don’t know, honestly” You say with a shrug, soaping up your body with one of your favourite body washes, the scent of vanilla filling your nose. “But he told me he got his closure that he’s been wanting… that’s all that matters, I guess”

“What’s all that matters?” Miwoo’s voice fills the bathroom as she enters, quickly rushing to the toilet to pee. Haru mutters a quiet good morning which Miwoo responds back with the same greeting, grabbing a wad of toilet paper as she relieves herself. She covers her mouth to yawn. “What are we talking about?”

“Jaemin”

Miwoo scoffs. “Traitor”

You sigh at her tone, applying shampoo to your hair in silence as you listen to Miwoo complain about Jaemin’s absence at breakfast yesterday. She walks over to Haru after she finishes peeing, grabbing her toothbrush and squirting a decent amount of toothpaste all while sharing a look while Haru shrugs her shoulders, braiding two small braids at the front of her hair.

“What was meeting Eunbin like?” Miwoo asks you with a mouthful of toothpaste, almost choking until Haru slaps her hand on her back repeatedly.

“It was fine” You’re honest, you hated it. “She’s actually pretty sweet… I thought it would be different, like, someone completely different”

Miwoo hums, leaning over the sink to spit out the toothpaste before shoving her toothbrush back inside her mouth. “I don’t trust it”

“You don’t?” Haru queries and Miwoo shakes her head quickly. Haru furrows her brows, tilting her head to the side. “Why?”

“It’s strange” Miwoo resumes talking while brushing her teeth, looking at you through the reflection of the mirror as you peek your head around the glass door. “No matter what happened at the end of a relationship, no girl is ‘sweet’ or ‘kind’ to their ex's current girlfriend”

You pull a face. “But I’m not his girlfriend”

“And that’s even worse” Miwoo states, finishing up brushing her teeth and turning on the balls of her feet to face you. “You’re someone he fucks, you’re someone that gives him pleasure… god, she’s probably shaking with anger inside, that’s so funny”

Your eyes narrow at her words, slamming the glass door shut with a mutter. “You have a interesting way of explaining things”

“I just say it how I see it” She shrugs her shoulders, a frown slowly etching its way onto her lips and she places her hand on his hip. “I sense that tone in your voice… Why do you sound irritated?”

You couldn’t answer her, mainly because you didn’t know the answer yourself. You’re not sure why you sound irritated… Does there have to be a reason? Your shoulders slump in defeat. Of course there has to be a reason, so why couldn’t you figure it out?

The lack of answer makes Miwoo impatient and she pads over to the shower, sliding open the door. You yell out profanities and threats from the sudden scare, throwing water in her direction angrily and she snickers, stripping out of her clothes to jump inside the shower with you, making up excuses about how you all need to save water and money when you try and force her out.

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

You chew on the nail of your thumb in deep thought, scanning over the words written on your document page and sigh, pressing your finger down repeatedly on the backspace button as you type again, changing over your words and moving around the paragraphs that were in the wrong place.

You struggle, deeply, to write a piece for Professor Moon who had previously told his students to write about their most recent or at least favourite place you visited, adding how it needs details and realness… problem was you haven’t been anywhere outside of your hometown in months.

You’re going to fail.

If this wasn’t Donghyuck’s laptop, you’re positive you would’ve slammed the lid down and thrown it out of the library’s window without a care in the world by now, but you know how much he loves this laptop… and how bad he would kill you.

You lean back into your seat with a sigh, leg bouncing beneath the table and you rub your palms on your jeans, glancing around the half empty library, spotting a few familiar faces but the rest were unknown. Your eyes instinctively go to your bag that rests on the chair beside you, teeth sucking your bottom lip in between your teeth as you reach for it, dipping your hand inside and reaching for what you need at the bottom of the bag.

Nakamoto Yuta, NaYuTravels, +82-1-***-***. Professor Moon’s writing stares you back in the face. You purse your lips in deep thought, glancing back and forth between your messy document and the slip.

Ideas start to form in your head and before you can even register what you’re doing, your finger glides across the touchpad on the laptop, opening up a browser and typing in the website name, clicking the link that first pops up.

Your eyes widen as you’re instantly met with the most beautifully aesthetic page you have ever seen. It was minimal, so clean, so simple and organised even with its pictures and writings. Your hand presses to your mouth in surprise, your heart seems to swell at every incredible piece of writing you read and the photos that were attached to them made you feel—

Bzzt. Your phone vibrates loudly on the table and you’re instantly snapped out of your thoughts, reaching for the device quickly and shutting it off. The librarian peeps her head around her computer, narrowing her eyes at you and you send her a sheepish smile back, bowing your head apologetically and she resumes back to what she was doing while you cringe in embarrassment, unlocking your phone to see who had called you. Donghyuck. Of. Fucking. Course.

donghyuck: why did u decline my call bitchass bitch

you: i’m in the library u idiot

donghyuck: lol sorry donghyuck: anyway are u still using my laptop??? i need it back to take some notes for class

You glance up at the screen, biting down on your cheek as your eyes scan over the page, a tight pulling at your chest.

you: yeah u can have it back. meet u outside the music dept in two??

donghyuck: ty, ly

You exit out of the website and shut down the laptop with a sigh, closing the lid and gathering your belongings in your arm as you leave the library, not even sparing the librarian a glance out of pure embarrassment. The hallways aren’t as crowded as they usually are, some lingered around with earphones plugged into their ears and others stood in small groups, mingling with their friends.

A familiar face appears around the corner and you recognise it’s Jeno, wearing his royal blue engineering overalls alongside another student who you’ve seen here and there whenever Jeno’s busy in class, his name tag reading Kim J.

Jeno waves when he sees you and you wave back before he disappears with his classmate, leaving you alone once more until you hear your name being called. You glance over your shoulder, slowly coming to a stop as you realise it’s Professor Moon calling out your name from his class and he ushers you on over.

“Professor Moon” You greet him quickly with a bow as you walk over. “I still haven’t finished the task you asked us to do, but I—”

“It’s fine” He dismisses it with a shake of his hand, adjusting his circular glasses on the bridge of his nose. “I actually called you over for a different reason. Please, come in and have a seat, it’s important”

“Oh” You blink, pointing to the laptop. “I need to give this to my friend before… I…” You trail off, eyes widening in surprise as you finally notice the red haired man behind him, sitting down on top of a desk with an ipad in hand, flicking across the screen. You’re speechless by the beauty of his man: his red hair resting just above his shoulders, ears decorated in the prettiest jewellery and a small chain hanging from his neck.

He’s adorned in a black and white striped button up shirt that's tucked loosely into the belt of his jeans and some converse. It was such a simple outfit that even most students on campus wear but on him, it looked expensive.

It’s Nakamoto Yuta. The voice screams inside your head. You’re unable to tear your eyes away from him. It’s fucking Nakamoto Yuta.

You almost drop your belongings in your hand as you immediately greet him and he looks up from his ipad to chuckle, placing it down on the desk beside him as he greets you back. Professor Moon clasps his hands together, a bright smile on his face.

“This is Nakamoto Yuta, the close friend of mine that organises those trips we discussed and this is the student that I was telling you about, the one that wanted to become a travel writer” Professor Moon introduces you both. He turns to face you, looking proud. “I was just showing him your works”

The red head looks impressed. “You’re really talented”

“Thanks Mr N—”

“You can call me Yuta” He stops you, a look of disgust spreading across his face. “Calling me Mr Nakamoto makes me feel old”

“Thanks” Professor Moon mutters beneath his breath. Yuta grins at that, playfully nudging Professor Moon as he walks by to get to his desk. You can see how close they both are, sending boyish grins to each other and it almost makes you smile seeing Professor Moon so relaxed and chilled, knowing that your class, especially Miwoo, doesn’t give him a break.

Yuta clears his throat and turns to face you. “I heard you were thinking about applying to the writer's trip that's coming up… but I haven’t seen your name on the list yet?”

“I haven’t signed up for it yet… I only just looked at your website this morning” You tell him, holding your stuff close to your chest as you awkwardly look down at your doc martens, feeling slightly embarrassed to be talking about this. “I’ve been busy with things, so… I haven’t really had the time to think about it. I don’t even know if I want to sign up to this trip yet”

Professor Moon eyes you from the side. “I thought you said you wanted to become a travel writer to follow in your mothers footsteps?”

You nod eagerly. “I do! I just…” But that’s when your nodding comes to a stop. You’re stuck again, unsure of the feeling that settles in your chest, unsure of what’s holding you back from agreeing to sign up for this trip that, admittingly, you desperately want to go on.

Miwoo and Haru seemed to support you going after they found out, and the boys didn’t seem opposed to you going, but then again you weren't able to hear their opinions when the subject was changed so quickly. You still haven’t brought it up to Jaemin yet, struggling to find the right moment which never seems to come… maybe that is what's holding you back?

“The trip doesn’t start until next month, so you only have a few weeks to figure out what you want to do” Yuta tells you, crossing his arms over his chest. “Personally, from what I’ve read, I think you should go. Not only do you have talent, but you even said it yourself, it’s something that you want to do… it's as simple as that”

“It’s not that simple” You mutter under your breath with a frown and Yuta chuckles, clearly hearing what you said. Your lips press together in embarrassment, mentally kicking yourself but the way Yuta smiles, you calm yourself down knowing he’s not offended.

“Okay, sure. It’s not that simple” Yuta nods, copying your words. “But nothing should be stopping you from doing what you want to do, especially if this is your dream” You don’t know why, but his words struck something inside you, an unsettling feeling swirling around in the pit of your stomach. Yuta clears his throat, giving you one of his award winning smiles as he tucks his hair behind his ears. “Anyways, I’m sure Taeil gave you my number on that slip, so don’t be afraid to contact me if you need some advice or need to talk about the trip. You can find my email on the website too… I would love to hear from you and I hope I can change your mind”

“I will” You nod, taking this as a sign to leave which you shortly do, bidding the two a quiet goodbye before stepping out of the classroom. You let out a deep breath, holding your belongings in one hand as the other rubs at the back of your neck, closing your eyes in relief.

You’re happy to be out of the classroom, no longer being watched by the two, your skin crawling with nerves beneath their stares. Despite feeling a little awkward and uncomfortable, you would be lying to yourself if you said you weren't excited that you met Yuta. It definitely put you in somewhat of a good mood and you can’t help the smile that etches onto your lips.

“What the hell?! Do you know how long I’ve been waiting?!” Donghyuck exclaims as you finally meet him in front of the music department, his arms thrown up in the air in disbelief before he taps the non-existent watch on his wrist. “I’ve been waiting for five minutes!!”

“You don’t even have a watch” You fight back, handing over the laptop which Donghyuck snatches from your grasp with a scowl which makes you roll your eyes. “Why did you want it back anyway?”

Donghyuck looks at you incredulously. “You’re asking me why I want my laptop back?” You give him a blank look, not amused with his attitude but he grins, reaching forward to pat your head. “Mark wouldn’t let me borrow his to write down some notes and Yangyang’s being a little bitch, so I had to use mine”

Your brow raises. “Mark?”

“Canadian”

“Oh”

“Apparently Aisha lied about seeing him by the w—” Donghyuck cuts himself off with a huff when something, or someone, knocks into his shoulder, making him fly forwards. Your hands reach out, immediately steadying him when he almost trips over his shoes. His head snaps towards the suspect, opening his mouth to attack with countless profanities and threats… but he’s quiet, eyes wide and round as he stares.

The suspect, a girl around the same age as you both, looks at him alarmed and quickly bows her head, multiple apologies coming from her lips with a muffled explanation of not knowing her own strength. You side eye Donghyuck who remains quiet and frozen, mouth ajar and you take it upon yourself to place your finger beneath his chin and push upwards to close his mouth, sending the panicked girl a kind smile.

You reassure her that everything is okay and she nods, sparing a quick glance at Donghyuck before she slips through the door of the music department, letting it fall shut behind her. Donghyuck blinks as he slowly turns his head towards you and you bite back a chuckle at the expression on his face.

“I think I’m in love”

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

“I love Professor Moon but if we ever get separated to do an assignment again, I will commit arson” Miwoo threatens as the three of you manage to meet up for lunch, sitting outside on campus due to the sunny weather, picking a spot beneath a try to hide in the shade. Miwoo pulls a plastic container out of her bag as she eyes you both. “I’m being serious, by the way”

“We know” Haru nods, opening up a pack of BBQ chips, munching on one slowly as she looks at the container. “What is that?”

“It’s a quinoa salad!!” Miwoo grins, ripping off the lid and showcasing her food like she had just won a trophy. “Doesn’t it look pretty?”

You hum with a nod, clearly impressed with her presentation while you unwrap your poorly made sandwich. Miwoo cheers to herself, grabbing her fork from her bag and happily digging into her food. You go to bite into your sandwich until she leans forwards, holding her fork out to you with a decent amount of food at the end.

She urges you to try and you don’t need to be told twice, already leaning in to try a bite. You chew, you swallow, you pause. Holy shit. Miwoo proudly pats herself on the back at your reaction, scooping up some more on her fork and holding it out to Haru who happily tries it next.

“What else have you put in that?” Haru grills her immediately, trying to take the plastic container out of her hands but Miwoo fights back, holding it close to her chest. Haru points at her. “You’ve put something else in there!! I’ve tried you quinoa salad before, you little bitch…”

“It’s a secret ingredient” Miwoo jabs her fork into the salad as she mutters. “Probably my tears”

“What?” You instantly say, hearing her loud and clear.

Miwoo’s head snaps towards you and she laughs, dismissing you with a shake of her hand. “I was kidding! You know I don’t cry!” You and Haru don’t seem convinced and Miwoo notices that straight away, sighing as she puts down her salad. “Look, I didn’t cry. It was a joke… but I made this salad in the midst of me and Jeno breaking up so that’s probab—”

“You and Jeno broke up?” Haru cuts her off out of shock, her eyes wide and unbelieving. Miwoo nods her head as she plays with her food. You and Haru share a look of disbelief and you gesture for her to continue. Haru blinks and turns back to Miwoo. “How? When?”

“Last night. It was a mutual discussion” She tells you, tucking her long hair neatly behind her ears as her bottom lip gets caught between her teeth. “Well, I initiated the conversation… he just went along with it and then we broke up, both agreeing that we argue too much”

You send a disappointing look her way. “And you didn’t think to talk before just… breaking up?”

“We would end up just arguing even more anyways” Miwoo’s brows furrow with a deep frown. “Why are you both looking at me like that?”

“I’m shocked, to be honest” Haru states, munching on another BBQ chip, shaking her head in disbelief. “Why didn’t you guys try and talk before deciding to call it quits? Did you even want to end things?”

Miwoo is silent for a moment, taking in Haru’s words without making eye contact with anyone, staring down at her lunch with a blank expression that starts to make you worry. You’re not used to seeing Miwoo so quiet, unless she passed out from being too drunk or too tired, so hearing nothing but silence from her rang the alarm bells in your head.

You want to know what’s going on inside her mind, what thoughts she’s thinking, what she’s feeling but you know deep down that she doesn’t want to open up… she doesn’t like opening up. You respect her wishes, always, but it’s hard seeing someone you truly care about suffer alone in silence.

So, instead, you reach over and pat her arm. She looks up, giving you her full attention with sullen eyes and you smile, pointing at her salad that she’s been playing with for the past few minutes.

“Can I have some more? It was really good” Miwoo starts to smile at your words and nods her head excitedly. Haru watches you both with a soft grin, happy to see Miwoo lighten up from her previous sour mood and you help keep the smile on her face, keeping her preoccupied.

She takes out her phone when it buzzes to see a message from Renjun, cheeks becoming sore from the grin that remains on her face. Tapping the little camera icon in the left hand corner, she raises the phone up, making sure that the three of you are in frame when she calls out your names.

You both turn to face her, Miwoo throwing a middle finger to the camera with one hand while the other feeds you. Your eyes are wide, a fork hanging from your mouth but you give the camera a peace sign, ignoring the way Haru snickers as she takes the photo.

“Was that Renjun?” Miwoo asks, even though she knows the answer. Haru nods. “Are they meeting us out here?”

“He said he’s going to be a few minutes late” Haru says, thumbs quickly tapping against the keyboard on the screen before she swipes to the side, pulling up the groupchat. Her brows furrow as she reads the recent messages. “Yangyang and Donghyuck are on their way, Shotaro is staying behind and there’s nothing from Jeno or Jaemin”

“I saw Jeno earlier” You pipe up, biting into your sandwich as you side glance at Miwoo who hardly pays attention, staring down at her blood red coloured nails. “He was with that guy that hangs out in his class… Kim J?”

“Kim Jungwoo” Miwoo grabs her water from her bag, unscrewing the cap as she looks up at the two of you. “Whitish hair, tall, body like a greek god. He’s dating that girl that's studying economics: Nabi”

“Nabi?” You repeat. “Like the butterfly?”

“Yep” Miwoo nods, shoving a forkful of salad into her mouth and chewing quickly. She swallows but still covers her mouth to speak. “She’s super pretty but I don’t really like her attitude that much. She seems full of herself, thinks she’s better than everyone… which is weird because her little sister is the exact opposite, she’s cool”

“Who’s her sister?”

“Her name is—” Miwoo pauses, staring over your head with a look of disbelief before she starts laughing, shaking her head with her tongue poking at her cheek. “You’ve got to be kidding me”

Confusion is written all over your face but when you turn to look over your shoulder, you understand why she had that reaction. You see Eunbin walking across campus with Mia and Yeeun at her side, laughing at what Mia was saying. Your nail nervously scratches at your thumb as you watch her, heart thumping erratically in your chest at the way she carries herself. So confident. So pretty.

It’s like a bright light shines around her form, sparkles twinkling whenever she smiles, her laugh sounding like musical notes. Her beauty continues to make you speechless, struggling to comprehend how someone can be so perfect.

Your eyes widen comically as you notice she’s making her way over to your little group, waving happily when she sees you and you awkwardly wave back, a tight smile stuck on your face.

“She’s friends with Mia and Yeeun?” Haru questions, raising her brow at the trio.

“Told you… she’s strange” Miwoo says as they get closer, giving them one of her most famous fake smiles, tilting her head to the side as they stand in front of you both. Eunbin’s the only one to greet you three, the others remaining quiet and staring with a look in their eye that you fail to pinpoint but you ignore them, paying attention to Eunbin who calls out your name softly

“It’s great seeing you again” Eunbin says with a genuine tone that makes your stomach churn. “I’m sorry if I made you awkward or uncomfortable yesterday… I didn’t realise how tense the situation was until you left yesterday”

“It’s fine” You lie, shaking your head. “It was probably weird for the both of us”

“Very” Eunbin chuckles before she speaks again, but you struggle to focus on her words when you see Mia staring at you from behind her shoulder, smirking. She’s finding this whole situation hilarious and it makes your blood bubble.

Jaemin and Eunbin never ended on bad terms, he’ll throw you away when she comes back. Mia’s voice repeats in your head again but you know the beginning part is wrong, he told you the truth… He’ll throw you away when she comes back. You tear your eyes away from Mia to stare at nothing in particular, biting down on the skin of your cheek. Would the last part be true?

Wait. Does it even matter if Jaemin goes back to Eunbin? You brows furrow in deep thought. There’s no reason for you to be upset or even mad if Jaemin decides to go back to Eunbin… So why are you so against it? Why does the thought of it make your head hurt?

“So, yeah, I hope that we can be friends” Eunbin’s voice yanks you out of your thoughts and you blink rapidly, feeling hot underneath everyone’s stare as you realise you weren’t exactly listening to what she was saying, but you nod anyway which earns a grin. “Good! I’m glad! I should get going, I’m not supposed to be h—”

“Hold on, why are you here?” Miwoo interrogates this time, crossing her arms over her chest as she remains in harsh contact with Eunbin, her brow raised in suspicion. Miwoo’s challenging her, making her feel uncomfortable and uneasy, something she likes to do whenever she doesn’t like someone. Haru bites back an amused smile while you stay still. You can hear Yeeun scoff behind Eunbin.

“I came to get my old stuff from my class. I used to go here before I left” Eunbin explains with that sweet smile, not faltering under Miwoo’s eyes. She adjusts the bag strap on her shoulder as she turns to face Haru. “Actually, I did message Renjun on insta to see if he could pick it up for me… but I don’t think he saw it”

Unsurprisingly, Haru doesn’t react, remaining calm and collected as ever as she opens her packet of twizzlers, chewing on the red licorice nonchalantly while Miwoo’s eyebrows furrow at that, cocking her head to the side with her tongue poking at her cheek. Fuck, she’s getting angry. You stretch your legs and nudge her foot with yours discreetly, giving her a look that she doesn’t even take notice of as she keeps her gaze locked on Eunbin.

She speaks slowly. “You messaged Renjun?”

“Well, yeah, we were in the same art class” Eunbin explains further, holding up her hands in defence. “I just want my stuff, that’s all”

“Then go get it” The tone Miwoo uses surprises you all and Eunbin nods slowly, giving you and Haru a short smile for a goodbye before she walks away, Yeeun and Mia following close behind but not before sneering at Miwoo who flips them off, uninteresting in the pair as she turns to face Haru who watches the chaos quietly, still chewing on her twizzler. “Dude, she messaged your fucking boyfriend, how are you not livid right now?”

“I’m not worried” Haru shrugs her shoulders. “Renjun hates her as much as the others do. Besides, he showed me the message earlier on his phone, he deleted it”

“I don’t like her, at all” Miwoo turns her head in the direction they left in, face scrunching in disgust. “And the fact that she’s friends with Mia and Yeeun… It just screams ‘red flag’”

“What does?” The three of you turn your head at the sound of Donghyuck’s voice, seeing him and Yangyang standing above you with curious expressions on their faces.

“Nice of you to finally show up” Miwoo huffs angrily, despite making space for the pair to sit down in the circle. “Eunbin just made an appearance”

“Really?” Yangyang pulls a face, sitting down beside you and knocking against your shoulder in the process. You wince at the harsh contact, rubbing the sore area as you kick him in return and he yelps, pushing you in retaliation. You’re about to fight back harder, raising your hand to wallop the back of his head until you notice Jeno and Jaemin walking out of the building, heading straight to your little group.

Miwoo explains in depth to Yangyang and Donghyuck about Eunbin, cursing multiple profanities and over exaggerating parts of the story that has Donghyuck gasping in shock. Your eyes remain on Jaemin whose eyes are already on you even though he speaks to Jeno, a grin spreading across his lips and you mirror his expression, raising your hand in a shy wave.

Yangyang follows your stare in wonder only for his shoulders to slump once he sees Jaemin, taking this opportunity to shuffle to the side, using his arms to move himself over to Donghyuck and Miwoo, creating a distance between you and him, a space he knows that Jaemin will sit.

Yangyang looks away when Jaemin does settle down beside you with a hand resting on your knee, his heart squeezing painfully in his chest.

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

You sprawl across your couch, legs stretching over Jaemin’s lap as your laptop rests on your stomach, engrossed in the work that should’ve been completed in the library earlier, but you’re thankful that Professor Moon is laid back and chill when it comes to your class, allowing you to have extra time if needed.

Your eyes flit over to Jaemin, watching as he stares at his editing tablet on the armrest while his hand rubs your thigh in soothing motions, gripping the skin between his fingers every now and then before mindlessly tracing little patterns, making goosebumps rise in his path.

Jaemin sighs softly, putting down his stylus pen to adjust the glasses that rest on his nose and rubs his forehead, resuming back in his editing and englaring the photograph he previously took of Shotaro to smooth out the edges and you peer over your laptop to see the stressed out look plastered across his face.

Your lips purse together in thought, removing the laptop from your lap and placing it down on the ground. You capture his attention just as you move around on the sofa, watching as you shift onto your knees, resting your bottom on the heels of your feet. His lips twitch upwards into a smile, finding you all too cute looking at him the way you are. He shuts off his tablet, carefully placing it down on the coffee table in front of him, giving you his full attention.

You both look at each other for a while in complete quiet. It was so natural to do so. No awkwardness, no uncomfortableness, it was just peace. This would be a good idea to tell him about the trip. That little voice in your head speaks and you struggle to swallow, eyes faltering from him. Tell him.

“Let’s take a break, hm?” You suggest and Jaemin nods slowly, agreeing. You clear your throat. “Also, I want to tell you something”

His brow quirks up. “Okay?”

“Okay” You repeat, sucking in a deep breath, palms becoming sweaty. Tell him. “There’s this trip that my, uh, my professor told me about not so long ago. It’s for aspiring writers, especially travel writers, which has been a huge dream of mine. It’s a pretty big trip, you know, and you get to travel around the world for a few months, writing about the places that you visit… And I got offered to go on that trip”

Jaemin’s silent. He’s staring at you. He’s staring through you. There’s no expression on his face, his smile gone. Your heart rate spikes up, you find it hard to breathe. Your vision is fuzzy and your fingers pinch the skin of your thigh to try and calm yourself down from the anxiety attack you’re about to have, from the thoughts that circle around in your head.

But, he smiles. He genuinely smiles.

You’re too frozen in shock to comprehend him leaning towards you, his hand fondly rubbing the back of your head before trailing down your back, pressing you against him. You fall into his side, unable to tear your eyes away from him as he tilts his head.

“I’m so proud of you” Jaemin says and your chest immediately bursts, feeling like little sparkes are prickling your skin and a weight is lifted off of your shoulders. You immediately relax, letting out a deep exhale of relief as you feel his fingers gently tug at your earrings affectionately. “I’m really proud of you”

“You are?” You ask and Jaemin nods, chuckling at the expression on your face. You let out a groan, slapping the palm of your hand against your forehead. “That was—oh my god—I’m such a—that was so—”

“You’re rambling” He cuts you off, amused.

“That was so anti-climatic” You tell him, shaking your head as your hand falls to his lap. “I was expecting some big negative reaction but… wow, that was so easy? Why was it that easy?” You eye him suspiciously. “Do you have something to tell me?”

“What? No” Jaemin laughs, letting his arm rest around your shoulders. “I’m genuinely proud of you… did you think I wouldn’t be proud of you?”

“It’s not that” You shake your head. “I just… I thought that you’d be upset or angry that I’d be leaving for a few months if I go on the trip. I thought it might, you know, bring back bad memories…”

“Oh…” Jaemin hums, pressing his lips together in deep thought. “This isn’t like that, though” You blink at that, unsure of what he means. “Eunbin didn’t tell me about her trip. She left without saying anything so I was clueless. You told me about the trip, you’re letting me know things… I mean, I’d be pretty angry and upset if you did what she did and kept it from me”

You laugh awkwardly. “I’m glad I didn’t decide to go with that then”

He gives you a deadpan expression. “You were going to keep it from me”

“Not exactly!!” You shake your head, quick to defend yourself even though that was the case. “I was scared about telling you. I didn’t know how to tell you—I didn't know how you would react!! I thought the others would—”

“The others know?” He cuts you off, his mouth dropping open in mock offence and you roll your eyes as you realise he’s been joking around with you this entire time and that he’s not actually upset. You go to speak but he beats you to it. “Oh, you’re evil”

Now it’s your turn to be offended. “I’m not”

“You are” He nods rapidly. “You’re evil. You told everyone but me”

“Actually, they found out. I didn’t tell anyone” You mutter under your breath through gritted teeth and Jaemin laughs, leaning forwards to press his lips against your temple in a short peck. You raise your head at that which makes him come forwards again, capturing your lips with his.

You hand cups his jaw, bringing him to you as close as possible, stomach swirling with excitement as you feel him smile against your lips. His tongue mindlessly plays with yours and you’re desperate, you’re so fucking desperate to climb onto his lap and makeout with him all even until you feel him pull away.

You whine, chasing his lips but he tuts with a shake of his head.

“You were mean to me” Jaemin whispers, his nose brushing against yours and you notice the way his mouth quirks up in a sly grin. This isn’t going to be good. “You could make it up to me?” You give him a blank look, crossing your arms over your chest as you nod for him to continue. “Give me a blowjob?”

You snort. “Pig”

Jaemin frowns. “Handjob then?”

“You want me to give you a handjob? Right here? In my living room?” You giggle, gesturing towards the door with a quick nod of your head. “Where anyone can walk in and see us?”

Jaemin hums with a slow nod, tongue darting out to lick his lips as he stares at you with a smirk. Your thighs clench together at his expression, excitement pooling in the pit of your stomach. He leans his head closer to yours. “Doesn’t the thought of getting caught sound fun?”

You tut even though a smile spreads across your lips, crawling your fingers up his leg and stroking his thigh over his sweatpants. The smirk falters from his face, bottom lip caught between his teeth as he watches your hand cup his boner, instinctively pushing his hips up into your palm. Undoing the strings on his sweatpants, you slip your hand beneath the waistband, eyebrows raising in surprise as you realise he’s wearing no boxers.

He gives you a sly wink to which you roll your eyes at, drawing his length out of his sweatpants and wrapping your fingers around him, thumb rubbing along the underside, watching as he grows bigger. Jaemin shifts beside you, sighing at the way you touch him, head lolling to the side.

Once you start jerking him off at a slow pace, his head drops to your shoulder, watching your hand work him. He’s in awe at how perfect your hand wraps around him. Made just for me. He hums as your fingertip spreads the precum that leaks from his slit and he jolts when you smear it around his sensitive tip, a breathy moan falling from his lips.

You pump his cock with long, languid strokes and Jaemin parts his lips to groan, pupils dilated and filled with lust, brows contorting in pleasure. He can’t control himself, lightly rolling his hips upwards to meet your pace but he shudders as your thumb presses down on his leaking slit in warning to not move or change the pace.

You tut. “You’re so nee—”

“Don’t” He breathes out heavily, broken moans ripping through his throat as you stroke his cock faster, leaning over to drool over his tip. The wet sounds of your hand twisting over his cock sends an ache to your core, desperate to be touched. You squeeze your thighs together for some friction, your own breathing labouring.

A guttural groan leaves him, head flinging back against the sofa, mouth open wide as he pants. He’s losing it. He feels like he’s going crazy. The way you’re looking at him, the way your hand moves against him, the dirty wet sounds. Fuck, he’s going to cum soon. Jaemin’s grunts, trying to control himself and not focus too much on your hand rubbing his sensitive head. He doesn’t want this to end. Please. Please Plea—

“Fuuuuck” A grunt rips from the back of his throat, biting down harshly on his bottom lip as he screws his eyes shut, body stilling just before cums. It shoots out in long strings, coating your hand and his t-shirt, and your eyes widen in shock to see how much he’s giving you, your hand refusing to stop its ministrions on his spent cock.

You laugh at his weak attempts at pushing your hand away, grinning at the way he whines at the overstimulation and you finally let go, watching as he flops back against the sofa, chest heaving as he sucks in deep breaths.

“Am I forgiven?” You ask, voice quiet and soft. His head turns to look at you, eyes filled with adoration and affection. Your brows furrow at the hazy look he’s giving you, wondering what’s going on inside of his head and your cheeks warm at the attention, wanting to break eye contact out of shyness but you can’t seem to do so. You feel stuck, you feel hot… you feel—

You’re snatched out of your thoughts when Jaemin lurches forward to kiss you, knocking the air out of your lungs. Your fingers curl at the front of his shirt, drawing your bodies as close together as you can with the help of his hands on your waist that help you onto his lap, throwing your leg over his hips.

You’ve been sex deprived for so long that you already feel the pool of slick between your thighs, underwear uncomfortably sticking to your folds and you pull away from Jaemin’s lips to get rid of your leggings, laughing at Jaemin’s failed attempts to help you, eager to get you out of your clothes.

He flings your leggings somewhere behind you, the two of you not caring where they land as he reconnects your lips in a messy kiss, a clash of teeth and tongue. He nips down your jaw and finds interest in your neck as his fingers hook in the waistband of your panties, ready to rip them off of your body and have at you but the sound of his phone buzzing captures your attention, craning your neck to see the culprit.

You freeze on top of him, seeing Eunbin’s name flash across his screen. Why is she calling him? His phone stops buzzing for a few moments and you allow yourself to get lost in his kisses again but his phone lights back up, her name appearing on the screen.

“What’s wrong?” Jaemin mumbles against the skin of your neck, pulling away with a pop as he realises you’re not speaking. He moves away from the marks created on your neck to look up at you, moving fallen hair out of your face before following your line of sight, his hands slowly dropping from your face as he sees the caller ID.

“Ignore it” You say, almost pleading. You turn back to Jaemin to see his attention on the device. You grab at his face, angling him towards you to brush your lips against his. “Ignore it”

He kisses you again, tongue sliding against yours. Your fingers rake through his hair, gasping into the kiss as he tugs at your underwear again, hearing the seam rip a little at the force. You’re ready for him to tear the flimsy material off of your body and take you on the sofa, but it never comes, not when the phone buzzes again.

Jaemin’s the one to pull back this time, reaching for his phone on the arm rest. Eunbin’s name flashes across the screen and you sigh, your hands leaving his hair and falling into your lap. He stares at the screen for a few moments, tongue poking at his cheek in deep thought before he slides his finger across the bottom and raises the phone to his ear.

You blink, shocked that he answered the phone while you are both in a pretty serious position and instantly, you yearn for him withers away into nothing.

His brows furrow as he listens to Eunbin speak on the other side, something about wanting to talk, something about Jeno. Jaemin meets your eyes as he tells her he’s busy but you can faintly hear her pleas and you can feel yourself slowly get frustrated. Is it sexually? Are you just angry? You slide off of his lap the second you sense his demeanour change, adjusting your panties as you sit beside him in silence, chewing at your thumb nail.

Jaemin mutters a quiet goodbye and hangs up the phone, looking over at you with the most apologetic frown and your blood bubbles.

“Are you—are you serious right now?” You look at him in disbelief, sitting up straight as you turn your body towards him. “You’re leaving, aren’t you? Are you kidding?”

“Y/N…” Jaemin calls your name softly, tucking himself back into his sweats and you laugh, shaking your head in bewilderment. He puts the phone to the side and grabs your hand, trying to interlock your fingers with his own but you pull away, not allowing him to have what he wants. He sighs. “Don’t be like this. Please”

“How can I not?” You mutter, refusing to look at him, feeling embarrassed at your next words. “Jae, we haven’t had sex in days… it feels like everytime we try, we’re always interrupted and then when we finally get a chance to be alone…”

“Hey” Jaemin reaches towards you, cupping your face with his hands and forces you to look at him. “Whatever you’re thinking inside your head right now, stop it. You know that I’d choose to spend time with you over anyone in a heartbeat… I’m only leaving because I know Jeno will snap if she shows up at the house and I can’t be bothered to deal with the arguments. She just wants to talk again and I promise you, I’ll be right back”

You take in his words, nodding slowly. “What does she even want to talk about anyway?”

Jaemin shrugs his shoulders, his fingers delicately caressing your face. “I don’t know. I think she’s just trying to be friends again, you know, like we talked about before”

When you don’t respond, Jaemin shifts beside you, pulling you towards him to give you a kiss. It’s soft, slow, gentle. It makes your head spin and you feel giddy, a smile threatening to make its way onto your lips. The way he makes you shy and putty in his grip will always be a mystery to you, you never understood how easily he makes you weak.

He tilts his head to deepen the kiss, fingers moving from your cheeks to grab the back of your neck, his hold desperate and the second your hands go to grip his shoulders, you’re reminded of the kiss you shared at his front door yesterday morning when Eunbin was in the kitchen, you’re reminded of the talk they had yesterday and you’re reminded of the previous phone call.

The thought of Eunbin makes you move back from the kiss and Jaemin chases your lips, kissing you one last time before he stands from the sofa. You remain seated, watching him as he adjusts himself in his sweats and glances down at his cum stained shirt that he knows he’s going to have to hide and change as soon as he gets home.

He runs his hands through his messy hair as he leans down, planting a kiss on the top of your head and you give him a tight smile, watching as he walks towards the front door.

He never came back that night.

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

You haven’t seen Jaemin fully in three days, his life being completely taken over by classes and hanging out with Eunbin who seemed to not want to leave his side, according to the majority of your group. He makes the effort to see you, even if it's passing through the corridors on campus, at lunch or even if it's a quick facetime call to see how you’re doing, sometimes he even has a few minutes to help you get off over the phone. But still, it’s not the real thing.

You miss him, but you were unsure if you miss the sex or if you miss his company. It could be both, you think. Let it be both.

Your days have been spent mostly with the group, Jeno, Donghyuck Yangyang never failing to leave your side, even coming over uninvited (not that they needed an invitation to come over anyways). You begin to notice that Jeno comes around when Eunbin’s at their house, refusing to be anywhere near her whenever she appears which, truth be told, you find amusing, secretly wanting to know the lengths Jeno would go to not be around her.

Even with Miwoo here at the apartment, they hardly acknowledge each other much. Just a simple look before one of them turns away. You feel bad for the both of them… but you also wants to smack them across their heads for being so idiotic and not talking to each other.

“Honey, we’re home!” Donghyuck’s voice sings as soon as the apartment door unlocks, kicking off his shoes at the door and rushing inside while Jeno and Yangyang linger behind, taking off their shoes and coats.

Originally, you were going to spend the day alone due to Haru being at work with Renjun tagging along and Miwoo taking Shotaro shopping, and knowing that those two shopaholics wouldn’t be back for a good few hours, you decided to have a you day; your favourite food, your favourite alcoholic drink and your favourite movie while possibly feeling sorry for yourself.

But the entire idea is flushed down the drain as soon as the trio enter your apartment, yet you’re grateful. You really didn’t want to be alone.

“Hi” You greet them happily as they walk into the kitchen. Donghyuck immediately darts for the refrigerator, pushing the hood down on top of head and drums his fingers across the open door, staring at the goods inside with a pout. Jeno sits down at the island, adorned in a pair of black gym shorts and a white hoodie, bangs messily splayed across his forehead. His fingers play with the little tuft of hair at the back of his neck, the mullet growing in nicely.

Yangyang, on the other hand, is wearing something less comfy and casual. Your brows pull together as you eye the black balenciaga sweatshirt he’s wearing with his baggy denim jeans and black converses.

He senses your staring and presses his palms against the marble counter to lean on them, popping out his ass. “What? Do I look sexy?”

“You wish” You scoff, sitting down opposite Jeno who’s chuckling. Yangyang flips you off as he sits down beside him and Donghyuck soon joins you with a yoghurt cup in hand. You point to it. “That’s mine”

“Oh” Donghyuck sounds defeated even though he rips off the plaster lid and dips a spoon inside. He blinks at you before he smiles. “Mine now”

You huff. “All you losers do is come to my apartment and eat my food!”

“Correction, we come to your apartment and eat your food with you so you’re not alone” Yangyang grins, resting his chin on his hand as he looks at you. “Who’s the loser really?”

“Still you” You grumble, leaning back into your seat with your arms wrapped around your middle. “Way to put me down, by the way. Mentioning that I’m alone here.. Thanks for that”

Yangyang sends an air kiss your way and a wink. “You’re welcome, sweetheart”

“Has he not talked to you today?” Jeno asks you as he fishes his phone out of his pocket and you nod your head, informing him on your brief interaction you had with Jaemin this morning on campus. Jeno doesn’t seem too impressed with your answer. “Really? That’s it?”

“He’s been busy” You shrug your shoulders, unable to look them in their eyes as they all stare at you. They know you’re making excuses. You know you’re making excuses. “Is Eunbin there?”

“No, thank god” Donghyuck answers this time, shoving a spoonful of yoghurt in his mouth. “I can’t take another second of her trying to talk to us and act like everything is okay. I’m tired of hearing her voice”

“Aren’t you, I don’t know, annoyed?” Yangyang queries, looking at you with concerned filled eyes. “I mean… his ex-girlfriend is trying to spend time with him while you’re here, alone at home”

“I don’t have a reason to be annoyed” You shrug your shoulders again, not knowing what else to do. “What Jaemin does is none of my concern… and neither is Eunbin for that matter. They can do whatever they want”

“But you guys are official” Donghyuck points out, putting the empty yoghurt cup to the side and licking the spoon clean. “You’re allowed to be annoyed, right?”

“I think I can only be annoyed if he ends up sleeping with her” You mumble under your breath. Suddenly, you’re filling with dread. Would he sleep with Eunbin again even after everything they’ve been through? Would he ever sleep with her? The thought makes you feel sick and you rub at your forehead, trying to get rid of the images of the pair inside of your head.

Jeno knocks his foot against yours beneath the table. “Jaemin wouldn’t sleep with Eunbin” His eyes darts to Donghyuck as he speaks, giving him a hardened glare which has Donghyuck shrinking in his seat with a sulk. “Jaemin wouldn’t do that, not after the shit she put him through…”

You frown. “That bad, huh?”

“He was depressed for a long time. All he would do was cry, drink, take drugs, feel shittier and repeat” Jeno sighs as he recalls the moments of his best friend in pain, chewing at his cheek. “It was a constant cycle that he couldn’t get out of. There was a short period where he wanted to sleep around with people, to forget the pain, to feel something different… but he couldn’t do it. He kept seeing her in his mind, it made him feel worse”

The way Jeno explains Jaemin’s post breakup, it reminded you of yourself. You were reminded about how shitty you felt, how disgusting and lonely you were, how alcohol was your coping mechanism and how badly you wanted to feel something different… just like how Jaemin did. You frown at that, heart dropping into your stomach at the thought of him so upset.

“Which is why we were kinda surprised when we found out he was sleeping with you” Yangyang tells you, awkwardly fiddling with the ring on his thumb as he refuses to meet your eyes. “We didn’t expect him to get into this type of situation with someone… It’s the same for you too, we didn’t expect you to do it”

“Yeah” You breathe out. “Me neither”

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

“So, little lady, are you going to tell me what’s actually going on in that little head of yours?” You hiss as Jeno knocks his knuckle against your head, rubbing the sore area as he drops down beside you on the sofa.

Your eyes flitter over to Yangyang and Donghyuck, the pair dead asleep on the loveseat, limbs sprawled across each other with their mouths hanging open, light snoring sounds coming from them both. Empty beer bottles and takeout bags are scattered on the floor around them, it makes you snicker at the sight and you pull out your phone to take a picture, completely forgetting Jeno’s previous question.

Jeno seems to have forgotten his own question too as he peers over your shoulder at the photo, watching as you draw around their bodies in the snapchat app with funky coloured lines and Jeno reaches his arm around to draw devil horns on top of Donghyuck’s head while you add black love hearts around Yangyang.

You post the picture on your private snap before saving the photo and posting it in the groupchat, already receiving quick messages and reactions from the others who find the picture funny just as much as you two do.

“I’m fine” You finally answer him, putting your phone down and bringing your knees up to your chest comfortably. Jeno gives you a look, clearly not believing a word you say and you put your hands up. “I’m serious! I’m fine”

He purses his lips in deep thought. “Would it make you talk if I told you that I wasn’t fine?”

Your hands instantly drop to your sides. “What’s wrong?”

“Nuh-uh, you first”

“You’re unbelievable” You sigh, shaking your head. “Fine, okay, I’ll tell you” Jeno grins happily, shifting around in his spot to get comfortable. “Since Eunbin has come back into the picture, I’ve been feeling very… I don’t know, replaceable, maybe? Is that even the right word?” The grin slowly drops from Jeno’s face as he listens to you speak, expression becoming stone cold at the mention of Eunbin’s name. “Even though Jaemin has been reassuring me, in his own little way, I’m still on the edge with a lot of things… I feel like something bad is going to happen, it’s making me uneasy”

“You make Jaemin happy” Your heart thumps at that. “You make him really happy. He’s so comfortable around you, you know, I haven’t seen him like this in a long time. Eunbin is doing her Eunbin thing… I see her as a leech, she latches onto things and she doesn’t let go. Jaemin has always been her target since they first met, she was obsessed with him and Jaemin became obsessed with her”

“Are you saying this stuff because it’s true or because you don’t like her?”

Jeno chuckles, leaning his head back against the sofa cushions as he looks at you. “Both”

You roll your eyes, shaking your head with a small smile. “Have you ever liked her?”

Jeno’s silent for a moment, deep in thought. Has there been a time where he liked Eunbin? He remembered when he first met her, when Jaemin first pointed her out in the art store she worked at. She was quiet but confident, which Jeno found interesting, and he liked how artistic she was, it reminded him of Renjun. Eunbin fought hard for what she wanted, which Jeno respected a lot… but she was selfish.

He wasn’t fully sure if she even meant to do it, but she wanted Jaemin for herself. She took up most of his time, pulling Jaemin away from him and the rest of the boys. He felt like she invaded Jaemin’s personal space, his too.

She was everywhere Jaemin would be and Jeno hated it. Was he jealous? Of course, he hardly got to spend time with his best friend who lived with him. Was he angry? Of course, Jaemin became too fixated on his relationship to even think about anything else… But Jeno always respected Jaemin, so he pushed all his emotions and feelings about Eunbin to the side when he saw how truly happy Jaemin was.

His mood turns sour when he's reminded of the breakup, remembering seeing Jaemin’s face, so broken and red raw from the tears that streamed down his cheeks. He let Jaemin cry into his arms, holding him tight and consoling him as Jaemin made excuses for Eunbin’s departure. I wasn’t good enough for her. I didn’t do enough. Am I a bad person? What did I do to deserve this? Jaemin’s fragile voice repeats through his head and Jeno sighs, tucking his bottom lip between his teeth.

“No” He answers honestly. “Never”

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

you: do u want to come over??? you: i was thinking maybe we could watch a movie or something??? you: i’ll cook dinner later :)

jaemin: i can’t rn baby i’m busy

you: oh

jaemin: can u come over later? [read 1:01pm]

You shut off your phone, shaking your head as you carelessly throw it to the side, not caring about the noise it makes as it lands on the kitchen island. Your fingers grip the roots of your hair, lips pressing together in a straight line as you exhale deeply through your nose.

It’s now been a week since you last hung out with Jaemin in person, the two of you having to cancel plans due to your assignments and schedules getting too hectic or, in Jaemin’s case, always being too busy to do something.

Deep down, you knew that his big photography projects were nearing their deadlines and he had to get them done… but there was always that little voice in the back of your mind that told you he was deliberately ignoring you, that he actually wasn’t busy and that he didn’t want to spend time with you anymore… that he’s back with Eunbin.

Your head falls into your hands as you sigh. Eunbin’s name makes you feel sad. The thought of Eunbin alone makes you feel like your throat is tight and you’re about to lose breath, but the thought of Jaemin being with Eunbin makes you feel like you’re going to lose your mind. It makes your chest feel painful and your eyes burn, almost like you’re holding back the tears but why would you need to cry? You have no reason… or maybe you do.

No you don’t, you tell yourself. You push back any thoughts and feelings about the situation, taking a sip of your water at your side before deciding to work on your assignments to keep yourself busy, not wanting to think about anything regarding the pair.

It doesn’t take long for Haru to join you, strolling into the kitchen with her arms full of notebooks and papers. You pull out the chair beside you for her to sit down and she huffs, dropping her stuff down on the island as she flops down in her chair.

“I’m so ready for these assignments to be over” Haru tells you, ripping the scrunchie off of her wrist and gathering her hair on top of her head to keep it out of her eyes, ignoring the little strands of hair that frame around her face.

“Me too” You mutter, eyeing the striped yellow and brown long sleeved shirt that’s covering her body, noticing the little specks of paint on the sleeves. “Is Renjun here?”

“He was” Haru nods, quickly pushing herself up from her seat to walk over to the miniature espresso machine to make herself a mug of coffee. “He left a little while ago. He asked Shotaro if he can paint him while he dances”

“That’s sweet” You say, leaning your elbows on the island. “Miwoo’s still sleeping”

“Speaking off Miwoo…” Haru begins, sitting back down beside you and taking a sip of her coffee. She pulls out her phone out of her shorts, fingers tapping quickly against the screen. You watch curiously, seeing her pull up Miwoo’s instagram and tap the first photo that she posted a week ago in her new gorgeous black dress that you’re obsessed with, she looked so pretty.

Haru faces the phone towards you, telling you to read the comments after your own. You do as she says, reading through the comments with a smile, loving the appreciation and the compliments she’s getting until you focus on the most recent one. Your eyes go wide, taking the phone out of Haru’s hands to get a better look, making sure you wasn’t reading anything wrong.

sunwo.o pretty

You gape, glancing back up at Haru in shock before looking back at the phone. Haru nods, silently confirming that it is actually Sunwoo’s account, that he did comment the compliment under her photo.

“Are they friends?” You ask as you tap on Sunwoo’s account and go through his photos and comments to see if Miwoo was active in them. You spot a few likes on his recents but no comments. You hand the phone back to Haru. “Do you think they’re talking?”

“I have no idea” Haru shrugs her shoulders. “Maybe he knows about the breakup between her and Jeno? Could be trying to get into her pants or something?”

“Sunwoo likes sleeping around but he’s pretty picky about who he sleeps with” You inform her. During your relationship with Eric, you got super close with Sunwoo too. He told you everything, he found a safe place in you and didn’t hold back from telling you things that sometimes you didn’t really want to know or found concerning. He liked sleeping with people who didn’t know him and vice versa. All he gave them was his age and his consent, nothing more, nothing less. “Plus, he used to be friends with Jeno too and he respected him so I doubt he would sleep with Miwoo…”

“Sunwoo now might be different from Sunwoo then” Haru points out and you hum, knowing that it could possibly be true. “How are you and Jaemin?”

You freeze at the name, staring down at your notes. You’re unsure how to answer that. Did you even want to answer it? Your lips press together and you give her a short nod, indicating that you’re both good as you decide now’s the time to get back to your assignments, not sparing her a glance.

Haru doesn’t believe you, not one bit. She senses something is off and her brows furrow, concerned and worried. She contemplates on asking you again, on demanding a full answer out of you but she knows how stubborn you can get sometimes, especially when you don’t want to talk about something.

She’s aware Jaemin hasn’t been around as much and she secretly hopes it's for a good reason, but she has a feeling it’s not. Haru see’s how different you and Jaemin both have been acting since Eunbin came back from New York and despite not fully knowing Eunbin, she feels a little bit of hatred towards her, knowing that she’s upsetting you.

You both remain quiet as you work, only sharing a few mutters back and forth when you’re stuck on a certain word or in need of some advice. You write, you ask for some help, you refill your drinks and repeat.

Haru finishes way before you but still decides to keep you company, remaining silent at your side and drinking her coffee as she scrolls through her phone. You ask for help again but when she doesn’t answer, you lift your head to look at her, noticing how engrossed she is with something on her phone and you don’t really think much of it as you go back to your writing, filling in what you think is right.

She quietly calls out your name just as you finish your paragraph and you hum, glancing up from your papers to give her your attention. Your lips curl into a frown as you notice the confusion and hesitancy on her face and it’s you that calls out Haru’s name this time, scrunching your brows together as she looks between you and her phone repeatedly.

“Have you…” Haru pauses, tilting her head to the side as she blinks. “Have you seen Eunbin’s post on instagram?”

“No” You shake your head, leaning back into your seat. “I don’t follow her”

Haru finally rests her eyes on you. “I think you should look at it”

Your hands move faster than you can blink, reaching across the island to retrieve your phone and hurrying to the instagram app in record speed to type in Eunbin’s username that Haru reads out loud to you. You bring up her page, teeth gnawing into your bottom lip nervously as you wait for it to load in, not realising your hands are starting to shake.

The page loads and your mouth instantly dries as a familiar person appears on her recent post.

You tap the photo, unable to form a proper sentence as you take in all it’s details. It's Jaemin, you know it’s Jaemin. You know Jaemin like that back of your hand. He’s holding his camera, those are his hands and his rings… that’s him. His hair is no longer it’s perfect black that you liked, it’s blonde. The caption: “still my favourite person” throws you off more than the time it was posted, which was an hour ago. He was spending time with her… that’s why he was busy.

You’re not sure what kind of mixed emotions washes through you but you hate it, it makes you feel uncomfortable and you fear you’re about to throw up, immediately shutting off your phone and placing it down on the side as you go back to your papers without another look or word.

Haru stares at you, the frown on her face deepening at your odd behaviour but she knows how much you’re affected by what you just saw despite being quiet. She hurts for you to the point she decides to get up from her seat and stand beside you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and you furrow your brows at her touch, giving her a confused look which she responds with a soft and gentle smile.

“What are you doing?”

“Hugging you” She answers simply as she pulls you closer to her chest, her hand delicately caressing the back of your head, her touch so comforting and warm. “Is that a problem?”

“No” You speak softly, fighting back a smile as you melt into her embrace. “Can I ask why you’re hugging me though?”

“It just looks like you need it” Haru shrugs, moving her hand from your hair to rub your back as she glances down at your phone, chewing the inside of her cheek in thought. “You know you can tell me anything, right? I’m here for you and if something, anything, is on your mind I’m happy to help with whatever is”

“I know” Your voice cracks. You’re doomed. Your eyes start to sting. “I don’t even know what’s on my mind right now, Haru… It’s just a mixture of things and I’m struggling to find the real one, you know?”

“I hope you don’t mind me saying this but, it’s obviously jealousy and hurt towards Jaemin and Eunbin for starters” Haru tells you and you go to disagree until she shakes her head, motioning for you to stop. “Come on, Y/N… it’s completely normal to feel like this, especially in this situat—”

“I’m not supposed to feel jealous” You cut her off, ripping yourself away from the hug to face her completely. Your eyes water. “What we have is just sex, okay? We got into this friends with benefits type of relationship because we missed sex. We told each other that we wouldn’t fall for each other or claim ourselves as boyfriend and girlfriend—We made rules!! I can’t, Haru… I can’t feel jealous”

“It’s hard to control your own feelings and your own emotions” Haru tells you with a soft tone. “It’s okay”

“It’s not okay—”

“Why?”

The tear slips from your eye and down your cheek, dripping onto your papers. “Because I think I like Jaemin”

The walls that you’ve built up, the real feelings that you locked away in the back of your mind, the emotions that you’ve held in for so long, it all crumbles. The weight on your chest withers away and you can finally breathe again after struggling, gasping for air. Your hand slaps against your mouth, the sobs that rip from the back of your throat are loud, the tears stream uncontrollably down your cheeks and you’re unable to control your erratic breathing. You feel free.

Haru looks at you in pure shock as you break down and she flings her arms around you, allowing you to sob into her chest. Your fingers grip her shirt, surely staining the material with your salty tears but she doesn’t seem to care. She kisses the crown of your head, cooing and whispering sweet words: you’re going to be okay, it’s okay, let it out.

You like Jaemin, you like him a lot. You started liking him the day of Eric’s party when he showed up at the apartment all ready to go but dropped everything to stay with you, when he told you that if you’re feeling low or if you feel like you’re going to lose yourself to your bad thoughts, you got him. You’ll always have him.

Parting from Haru’s embrace, you sniffle as you wipe under your eyes. Haru is sweet enough to help you, pushing your hair out of your face and using the sleeve of her shirt to wipe at your cheeks. You let out a shaky breath, looking up at Haru and giving her your best smile which she coos at, affectionately pinching your cheeks.

“I’m proud of you, you know” She tells you, moving to sit back down beside you. “It takes a lot of guts to admit something like that, it must’ve been hard”

You shrug your shoulders and adjust yourself in your seat, bringing your knees up to your chest. Your cheeks feel warm at her praise but you don’t say anything, opting to rest your chin on the tops of your knees as you look at nothing in particular, mind filling with thoughts about Jaemin.

You’re shocked at yourself for revealing your true feelings and you’re unsure on where to go from here. You broke one of the biggest rules that you and Jaemin listed. Rule number three: no feelings, no falling in love, no getting jealous. You mentally crossed the rule out in your mind, teeth gnawing at your cheek as you realise you did all of them.

You want to knock some sense into yourself, to scream at yourself how wrong you are for breaking the rules. You’re embarrassed, you feel stupid. It’s one-sided, you think, and that’s the most pathetic.

“I think you should talk with Jaemin”

Your eyes flick towards Haru. “You’re kidding… I can’t do that”

“Why not?” She furrows her brows. “It’s better than to keep this all to yourself. You need to tell him how you feel before you get stuck down a rabbit hole”

You laugh at that. “I think I’m already stuck. There’s no way I can just outright tell him that I like him… do you realise how embarrassing that is? I’ll get laughed at, I’ll look like a fool—”

“You’ve known Jaemin for, what, almost three months? Do you really think he’d be the type to laugh at you?” Haru questions you instantly, shaking her head. “You know Jaemin better than anyone… he’s not the type of person to laugh at you, especially when you’re being honest and talking about your feelings”

“It’s been three months already?” Your eyes are wide, mouth agape. You couldn’t wrap your head around it, there’s no way you’ve been friends with benefits for that long. It makes you feel dizzy.

“Well, it’s coming up to three months” Haru corrects herself. “Still, you should talk to him. Text him right now and ask if you can meet up”

You blink. “So suddenly?” You gulp at the thought. “Isn’t he with Eunbin right now?”

“Fuck Eunbin” Haru curses and your eyes bulge in surprise, not expecting those words or the tone she uses. “This isn’t about her. This is about you and Jaemin. Don’t ever let her get in between that… no matter what”

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

After your conversation with Haru, she left to go spend the rest of her day with Renjun while you sucked up the courage to go talk to Jaemin, to tell him how you truly felt. You sent him a quick text previously to let him know that you would be over soon but you still stand in the middle of your room, staring at the heaps of clothes on your bed as you nervously nibble the skin around your fingers.

You’re unsure why you even care about what you wear, knowing that Jaemin doesn’t really care about your appearance, not when you’ve been around him in an old ratted shirt and sweatpants. Why did you feel the need to impress him all of a sudden? You shake your head, rummaging through the pile of clothes, flinging some over your shoulder with a noise of dissatisfaction at the ones you thought weren’t suitable.

“What are you doing?” You hear a voice question behind you. You spin around, seeing Miwoo standing in your bedroom doorway, rubbing at her eyes. You frown as you drink in her appearance. There are bags under her eyes and her face is paler than usual, hair messily tied on top of her head.

“Just looking for clothes” You answer quietly, dropping the items in your hand as you straighten up, looking at her in concern. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine” Miwoo gives you her best smile, stepping further into your room. “Why are you looking for clothes? Are you going somewhere?”

“Jaemin’s” You eye her warily. “Have you been asleep this entire time?”

“Not really” Her answer is short, which isn’t like her, at all. You watch as she sits down on your bed, making herself comfy and staring down at the pile of clothes, touching the fabrics softly. Her lips jut out in a pout. “Will you be leaving soon?”

“I don’t know—What’s going on?” Your brows furrow together, your arms crossing over your chest as you kick the pile of clothes to the side and sit down beside her. She doesn’t answer your question, instead she stares ahead, eyes scanning around your room. The frown deepens on your face as you call out her name again. “Miwoo?”

“It’s nothing” Miwoo shakes her head but oddly, she continues. “It’s just you’ll be leaving soon, right? And Haru’s already gone… so, I’ll be here…” She scratches herself, feeling awkward as she mutters the last words. “...by myself”

You’re surprised at her honestly, and you really didn’t expect her to speak in such a way. You decided to press on. “And you don’t want to be here by yourself?”

“Not really” She repeats her answer from earlier, a lot quieter this time.

Miwoo keeps her attention on your carpet, fiddling with the jewellery on her fingers. She feels uncomfortable, being this honest with you. She doesn’t like the feeling it gives her, she feels too vulnerable, too exposed… but she can’t seem to stop admitting what she’s thinking or feeling, there’s something pushing against her, egging her to continue on but she remains silent again, waiting for you to say something which she hopes you will soon, the silence becoming a little too much.

You make a noise of understanding, nodding your head as you relax beside her. Your arms drop, hands placing in your lap as you pat a rhythm on your thighs. You can sense Miwoo feels awkward, which you hate, but you want her to keep talking about what’s going on inside her head.

“Have you spoken to Jeno?” Great work.

“Nope” Miwoo shakes her head. “He tried talking to me yesterday but I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to argue, I wasn’t in the mood for it”

You hum. “Maybe an argument wasn't going to happen? It could’ve been a normal conversation”

Miwoo shrugs her shoulders. “I didn’t want to risk it”

“Miwoo…” A sigh leaves your lips and she looks at you, eyes big and round. She looks like a hurt innocent child that’s getting scolded and it aches your heart. The expression she wears on her face almost makes you want to tear up but you remain calm, reaching over to tuck the stray strands of hairs behind her ears. “Not every conversation is going to end in an argument, not if you and him promise to talk things out…”

“I guess” She mutters, letting out a soft sigh. “It’s whatever, it’s done”

“Do you want it to be done?”

The question makes Miwoo freeze. She’s unable to answer. She doesn’t know how to answer. Of course she doesn’t want to lose Jeno. Jeno has always been her number one, he’s been her person, he’s been the one that makes her shitty days calm… but he’s also the one that she has the most arguments with, that makes her feel like she’s going crazy.

She knows that she herself isn’t an angel. She knows that she definitely makes Jeno angry and says the wrong things, on purpose and on accident. We’re not good for each other, she thinks. It’s done.

Miwoo shrugs her shoulders again, not answering the question which makes you sigh again. You retract your hand from her face, letting it fall to your side. The side eye doesn’t go unnoticed but you don’t comment on it, allowing her to remain silent, waiting for her to be comfortable enough to speak up again.

“I…” She starts but immediately stops, her brows scrunching together in confusion.

“What?” You press. “What do you want to say?”

“I don’t.. I don’t really know” Miwoo mumbles as she leans back against your wall, bringing her knees up to her chest, chewing her bottom lip anxiously. “I guess…” She pulls a face, struggling to find the correct words to say while refusing to make any eye contact with you, keeping her attention focused on her nude coloured nails. “I guess I just… I feel alone, I think”

“Alone?”

“Yeah” Miwoo clears her throat. She holds her head up high this time and turns to you with one of the fakest smiles you’ve ever seen her wear. “But that’s why I’m here, that’s why I came to you… because you don’t make me feel that way”

You immediately reach over to wrap your arms around her and she yelps in surprise at your sudden movement but is quick to hug you back, hands gripping the back of your shirt. You squeeze her tight, tears burning your eyes at her confession. You’re proud of her, to say the least. You are aware of how that must’ve been to confess. It makes you happy knowing that she can be honest with you.

You rock back and forth awkwardly, and the giggles she lets out makes you smile. She rubs your back before being the first to pull away, eyes slightly red as she holds back her own tears.

She rubs at her nose aggressively and sniffs. Miwoo gasps. “Shouldn’t you go see Jaemin?”

You think about it, hard. You could go and see Jaemin, to tell him about your feelings, to tell him you’ve broken one of the biggest rules you could’ve broken. You could finally be honest with him and see if the feelings are reciprocated or if everything has always been one sided… but you won’t, not tonight.

You shake your head and Miwoo grins, repositioning herself on your bed and laying her head in your lap, looking up at you with the happiest of expressions. You smile back, running your fingers through the top of her hair and massaging her scalp, letting her relax into your embrace as she plans a girls night between the two of you, swinging her feet excitingly off the edge of your bed and you laugh, nodding your head as you agree along with her, even adding your own ideas and plans.

You never notice your phone lighting up on your desk with Jaemin’s name flickering across the screen.

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

[the yock aka yangyangs fat cock — groupchat]

yangyang: rumour has it eunbin is planning her own welcome home party

donghyuck: shes planning her own??? donghyuck: thats lame lol

jeno: who changed the fucking gc name again

yangyang: who do u think ;)

jeno: ive seen it its not that impressive dude

yangyang: fuck u saggy balls bitch [donghyuck laughed at this message] yangyang: anyway yangyang: eunbins planning her own welcome home party and apparently we’re invited

haru: who said that

yangyang: overheard eunbin say it to jaemin

miwoo: lol no [renjun liked this message] miwoo: thanks ren [renjun disliked this message]

jaemin: yeeun and mia are planning it with her. she invited us all to go

jeno: or did she just invite u

jaemin: its all of us jeno. its this saturday jaemin: told her im not giving the answer until all of us are going

shotaro: i dont really want to go :( its awkward

renjun: if shotaros not going, i'm not going

miwoo: why the fuck does she want all of us to go miwoo: her friends hate us

yangyang: correction yangyang: her friend hates u

miwoo: fuck off yangyang [donghyuck and yangyang thumbed down this message]

jeno: im not going fuck that jeno: i dont want to be anywhere near her jeno: u of all ppl should know that jaemin

jaemin: thats why i said im not giving the answer until all of us are going

donghyuck: i mean donghyuck: i dont like her at all donghyuck: but guys donghyuck: when have we EVER turned down a free party with free drink???

yangyang: he has a point [donghyuck loved this message] yangyang: eric and sunwoo are going too so yk sunwoo's got the good shit

miwoo: lol pretty miss perfect is letting sunwoo and eric go??? miwoo: does she know sunwoo sells

donghyuck: probably told him not to bring anything

you: like he'll listen

jaemin: are u gonna go baby

you: oh you: idk

yangyang: wait im not going if ur not going

jeno: me neither

miwoo: and me!!!

jaemin: ok then we're not going

donghyuck: BUT GUUUUUYYYYSSSS donghyuck: FREE BOOOOZE?!?!!

yangyang: :/ making me conflicted

shotaro: free drink does sound nice... shotaro: yeji just texted me to go with her too [everyone liked this message] shotaro: i would like to see her

haru: if we go haru: we go for shotaro?

donghyuck: and free booze

haru: for shotaro and free booze?

renjun: idm that

miwoo: sure

jeno: yn what do u think

yangyang: ?

you: yeah sure ok

donghyuck: fuck yeah donghyuck: ily guys donghyuck: gonna make out with u all brb

miwoo: dont come anywhere near me with ur disgusting stinky ass breath

donghyuck: im coming for u first whore

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

jaemin: baby?

you: oh hey you: :)

jaemin: hey :) jaemin: u didn't come over yesterday jaemin: what happened

you: oh yeah sorry you: i got busy. miwoo wanted a girls night

jaemin: oh ok thats cool

you: yeah

jaemin: why does this feel awkward

you: i have no idea you: maybe we haven't seen each other in awhile???? idk

jaemin: im sorry

you: its not ur fault :) ur busy

jaemin: still jaemin: i just feel bad jaemin: eunbin keeps coming over too when im in the middle of working or wanting to call u

you: she really wants to be on good terms with u huh

jaemin: seems like it jaemin: she dyed my hair btw

you: oh you: it was her that did it???

jaemin: well i dyed it first to surprise u but eunbin came over halfway through and touched it up to make it look good

you: to surprise me??

jaemin: yeah jaemin: i was gonna dye it then come surprise u but

you: i you: fjck you: i miss u

jaemin: i miss u too baby jaemin: im free saturday morning. can i come over before we go to eunbins

you: please you: also you: i have something to tell u

jaemin: me too

you: like its so serious its important

jaemin: thats ok baby mine too jaemin: i have to go. jenos calling for me jaemin: see u soon baby jaemin: <3

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

“You look unbelievable” You gush, mouth gaping wide as your fingers rake through his newly dyed blonde locks. Jaemin sits beneath you motionlessly, head resting against the headboard of your bed as he looks up at you with the most goofiest smile as he relishes in the way you touch him, his own hands resting on your hips, sliding his fingers beneath the material of your skirt to grip your skin.

He came over a few hours prior to Eunbin’s party, much to your surprise, adored in a hoodie and beanie, a backpack resting on his back with clothes he would be needing tonight. He swept you off your feet before you could even react at his arrival, carrying you to the privacy of your room as the pair of you shared a laugh, ignoring the looks Haru and Miwoo gave you as you disappeared.

So that’s how you ended up here, sitting on top of his lap, giving him the best of your attention with your eyes locked on his blonde hair, beanie and hoodie thrown to the side without care.

He looks so handsome. You smile, twirling the strands between your fingers. Jaemin doesn’t say a word while you mutter a hundred compliments, watching you with affectionate eyes and that goofy smile you love so much, sliding his hands around your hips to push against your back, bringing you as close to his chest as possible.

He cuts off your babbling soon enough, crushing his mouth against yours in a long awaited kiss. You melt into his embrace, fingers gripping the roots of his hair, afraid he’d slip away or leave again. You haven’t felt his touch nor his lips in so long you almost forgot what it was like. Your heads fuzzy, your skin hot. You missed this.

Jaemin lets out a groan as your tongue slides against his and your grip on his hair becomes harsher. You’re tugging, you’re pulling and his scalp is burning but he doesn’t care, he doesn’t even try to stop you, instead he tugs you closer, teeth snagging down on your bottom lip which you wince at.

“Sorry” He mutters apologies against your mouth and you shake your head, pulling at his bottom lip instead and sucking it. He quietly moans this time, shifting beneath you and heat pools between your legs as you feel the bulge brush against your ass. You pull away from the kiss to toy with the strings on his sweatpants but his hands are quick to latch on your wrist, stopping you.

You look at him in surprise. “What’s wrong?”

Jaemin breathes heavily as he looks at you, lips swollen and red. “I would do anything to fuck you right now, but we can’t”

“Why?” You ask, almost whining. You twist your wrists in his grasp, interlocking your fingers together instead. “We can be quick”

Jaemin hums, squeezing your hands with his, his thumb soothing over the back of your hand while a sly grin. “We could… but I wouldn’t want to be quick, I’d want to fuck you all night, make up for lost time”

“Don’t” You warn him, glaring jokingly. “You can’t say shit like that if we can’t have sex right now, it’s not fair”

“Sorry, baby” He chuckles, leaning forwards to capture your lips with his. You kiss for a few more moments but you part before you allow yourself to get too far into it, going to move off of his lap but he whines, ripping his hands from yours to grip your waist, keeping you on top of him.

Rolling your eyes, you remain still, staring at his face. He’s so pretty. The corner of your lips twitch, cheeks feeling hot as you duck your head, becoming too shy to look at him. Would now be a good time to tell him? Your heart hammers in your chest at the thought and you wonder if he can feel it. You’re alone, there’s no interruptions.

“I really missed you” He confesses quietly. Okay, maybe one interruption. One hand pushes the hair out of your face, cupping your cheeks as he smiles. “Like really missed you”

“I missed you too” You tell him, leaning into his touch.

“I’m sorry that we haven’t seen each other too” Jaemin frowns this time, pressing a chaste kiss to your lips. “I didn’t realise how long we didn’t see each other until—”

“It’s okay” You interrupt, shaking your head. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me, it’s okay”

Jaemin nods, kissing your lips once more before securing his arms around your waist, drumming his fingers against your back. He’s thankful to you, he always has been. He loves how comfortable you make him and how understanding you constantly are. It makes his cheeks flush at the thought of how lucky he is.

“What are you looking at?” You ask him after a moment of silence, brows pulling together curiously. Jaemin blinks as he’s ripped from his thoughts, still staring at you. It takes a few seconds to register in his mind what you had asked and a smile slowly spreads across his lips, soft and genuine, one that makes your heart flutter in your chest.

“You, baby… always you”

You snort at that, jabbing at his shoulder. “What’s gotten into you? Huh? Cheesy fucker”

“What?” Jaemin laughs, rubbing at the spot you jabbed. “I’m not cheesy”

“Oh yeah?” You quirk a brow, crossing your arms over your chest. “You’re telling me that what you just said wasn’t cheesy?”

“What did I say?”

“‘You, baby… always you’” You repeat, deepening your voice to match his. His lips quirk in an amused smile as he shakes his head, claiming how that wasn’t the cheesiest thing he’s ever said. You fake retch, pulling yourself out of his grasp despite his attempts to keep you in his arms, laughing as you walk over to your closet away from him.

He lays down on the bed, tucking his arm under your pillow as he watches you on the other side of the room, flicking through the clothes with a sigh. His eyes wide in surprise as you pull out a black mini skirt from a clothing hanger, holding it on your arm while searching for something to wear it with.

You piece it together with a white bustier top and grin happily, making a mental note in your head to wear your best jewellery and a jacket as you walk back over to Jaemin to set it down on your bed beside his feet neatly. The way you stare so proudly at such a simple outfit makes Jaemin smile, loving how easily pleased you can become with such the smallest of things. Cute.

You both decide to take a shower together, helping each other wash and even sharing a few lingering kisses and touches, the two of you trying your hardest not to do anything inappropriate for the time being despite the urge to.

Later, he promises you and you hold him to that promise, locking your pinkies together before you slip out of the shower while Jaemin stays behind, allowing you to have the time to do your makeup without him standing behind you and questioning everything that you’re doing.

Miwoo, being the expert that she is, comes back and forth between your room and hers to help you with your makeup, cursing at you for moving too much when she uses the eyeliner and forcefully holding your chin in her hand, daring you to talk as she applies your lipstick.

“Haru told me what happened” Miwoo informs before instructing you to rub your lips together which you do. She twists the cap back on the lipstick as she admires her work on your face. “Have you told him yet?”

Your eyes flitter over to your bedroom door in alarm, scared that Jaemin might somehow overhear the conversation over the running water. You shake your head, turning to look at your reflection in the mirror to slightly push up your lashes.

“And why not?” Miwoo crosses her arms over her chest tightly. “Dude, just tell him!!! The feelings could be mutual and—”

“Will you keep your voice down?!” You hiss, waving your hands erratically to shut her up the second you hear the water turn off. You lower your voice. “I’ll tell him… I just need to find the right moment”

“There will never be a right moment” Miwoo says, dropping her arms to her side as she leans down to smooch your cheek. She brushes her lips against your ear to whisper just as Jaemin walks into the room with a towel wrapped around his waist. “Just rip the band-aid off and suck his cock”

You whack her arm repeatedly, cursing her out as she giggles and runs out of your room, not forgetting to slap Jaemin’s bare chest on the way out. Jaemin grunts at the impact, rubbing the sore spot on his chest, glaring at Miwoo’s figure as she rushes out of the room in a laughing fit.

“What was that about?” Jaemin asks as he stands beside you, reaching for his phone off of your desk. He looks at you as he does so, taking in your appearance. He reaches out to gently caress your face, careful not to smudge the lipstick as he presses a chaste kiss to your lips. “You look pretty”

You think about his question for a moment and Miwoo’s words. There will never be a right moment. You chew on the inside of your cheek, nerves tingle through your body and your anxiety spikes, fingertips feeling numb. Rip the band-aid off. It’s so easily done, all you have to do is say those three words.

But you can’t. There’s something forcing you back from saying what you truly want to tell him for reasons unknown, you can’t voice the words that are literally sitting at the tip of your tongue.

So, you dismiss it, muttering under your breath how it’s nothing important and Jaemin stares at you with an odd look in his eyes before dropping the conversation, turning his attention to his phone as he scrolls through his spotify, choosing a playlist for the two of you to listen to while you sit still, annoyed and confused at yourself.

It is important… So why can’t you say it?

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

You eye your reflection in the mirror, patting down the creases in your skirt with a sigh and adjusting your top. Jaemin stands behind you with your necklace in hand, helping you clasp the jewellery around your neck securely. He presses a chaste kiss to your shoulder blade when he’s done, reassuring you as feels your anxiety about your appearance and you calm down, sucking in a deep breath.

The commotion you hear in the living room tells you that the others have arrived and Jaemin hands you his leather jacket to which you’re confused about but you don’t question it as you slip your arms through the sleeves. He leads you out of your bedroom, his hand placing your lower back as he guides you down the hallway, the voices of your friends getting louder as you get near.

“Look at you…” Yangyang low whistles as he watches you and Jaemin approach them, reaching out to take your hand in his own to slowly spin you around, biting his lip as he scans your outfit. You roll your eyes as you twirl, fighting back a smile as Donghyuck cups his hand over his mouth and hollers behind him. Yangyang wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. “Sexy”

“Shut up” You laugh, ripping your hand from his grasp to push at his shoulder and all he does is grin widely and reach for you again but stops when an arm slithers around your waist, a hand resting low on your abdomen as you’re pulled into Jaemin’s side.

Jaemin’s eyes bore right into Yangyang’s and the latter doesn’t falter, holding his gaze with a smirk that Jaemin desperately wants to slap off. Thoughts overcrowd Jaemin’s mind, thoughts that make no sense… thoughts that make a lot of sense. His eyes narrow at Yangyang who now takes no notice, his attention brought to Miwoo who’s eager to take a group picture to post on her instagram, earning a huff from Renjun.

Jaemin takes a mental step back, blinking a few times to compose himself as the group huddles together, giving Yangyang one last look as he stands on your left before smiling at Miwoo’s phone who takes the picture, and other, and other, and anoth—

“Are you fucking serious?!”

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

You’re stunned at the sight of Eunbin’s home, unable to shut your mouth as Jaemin leads you through the house as if it's second nature to him. The walls are white, decorated with paintings you are positive Eunbin had made previously, a little but noticeable signature of ‘K.E’ scribbled at the edge of the frame. Fancy light bulbs suspend from the ceiling, laminate flooring clean with no scratch or chip insight. A few people linger around in the living room and the kitchen, giving you the impression that it was going to be a small little welcome party until Jaemin guides you out in the back garden.

It’s crowded, filled with a mixture of familiar and unfamiliar faces, all spread across the neatly trimmed grass and there’s music blasting from a speaker that you fail to locate. Tall white fences hide you from the outside, decorated with pretty vines, hanging plants and fairy lights. There are rounded tables littered all over the garden holding various types of alcoholic beverages that are occupied by most of the party goers and there’s daybeds that are already taken by drunk couples and friends.

Miwoo makes a small comment about how wealthy Eunbin and her family must be before she whisks away to get a drink, dragging Haru along with her and Renjun falls behind, hands shoved deep into his pockets. Shotaro excuses himself from the group to jog over to Yeji who calls him over excitedly, handing him a beer bottle.

Donghyuck, Yangyang and Jeno disappear somewhere as soon as you spot Eunbin standing with Yeeun and Mia around a table, smiling and laughing along in the conversation until her eyes meet yours. She beams, excusing herself from her friends as she bounds over to the two of you.

“Hey!! I’m glad you could make it!!” Eunbin greets you happily, wrapping you up in the warmest of hugs and your eyes widen in shock, not expecting this type of greeting but you immediately reciprocate the hug, the corner of your lips lifting into a smile. She pulls away soon after, giving you a grin before turning to Jaemin, engulfing him in a tight hug to which he lets go of your hand to slowly wrap his arms around her, kindly hugging her back.

You stand at his side awkwardly, looking anywhere but them. You can hear them conversate: something about her, something about the party. Did Eunbin call him handsome? Is Jaemin complimenting her appearance? Your lips form into a frown, unable to control your expressions as you listen to them.

Side eyeing the pair, you notice Eunbin’s hands are still lingering on Jaemin while he smiles down at her, nodding and humming to the things that she’s saying, the two completely forgetting you’re present. Your shoulders slump as your sigh, alreading wanting to disappear from this party and go home but a low whistle and a call of your name catches your attention.

You turn to look over your shoulder, seeing Sunwoo standing at a table nearest to you by himself, hands hiding beneath the table as his fingers expertly roll a blunt. You glance back at Eunbin and Jaemin, seeing the pair in their own little world, figuring it was best to leave them to it as you head over to Sunwoo who seems surprised that you even decided to come over.

“You look pretty” He compliments you, taking in your outfit of the night. His lips quirk into a sly grin. “I’ve seen that skirt a few times”

“Yeah, whatever” You grumble, reaching for the vacant shot glass beside him, not even caring whose it was as you throw your head back and down the colourful liquid, scrunching your face at the burn that trickles down the back of your throat. “Guessing you’re selling secretly tonight?”

“I’ve got to make money somehow” Sunwoo tells you, taking a quick glance down at his hands before looking over at Jaemin and Eunbin. “Pretty boy not giving you attention tonight, huh?”

“You’re extra nosy tonight, huh?” You mock.

Sunwoo smiles at that. “I’m just observant”

“What’s going on between you and Miwoo?” You suddenly pop a question and Sunwoo cocks his head to the side, brows scrunched in confusion. “Saw the comment on her instagram… I’m just observant too”

Sunwoo makes a humming noise, a smile playing on his lips as he sneakily drops a joint into a little baggy that's already filled with premades before shoving it into his puffer coat pocket. He looks down at you innocently, grabbing a beer bottle from the ice bucket resting in the middle of the table and offers it to you.

You scoff but you nod, going to take it off of him but he cracks open the cap with his teeth, spitting it onto the grass without a care in the world as he hands it to you, reaching to grab his own and doing the exact same.

“You called her pretty” You say as you bring the bottle to your lips, taking a swig.

“That doesn’t mean anything” Sunwoo smiles, clinking his bottle against yours as he drinks. He swallows harshly, tongue licking the corners of his lips. “I call you pretty”

“That’s different” You shake your head, scanning around the garden to try and find Miwoo, spotting her by another table laughing with Haru and Renjun. “Did you know she broke up with Jeno? Is that why you’re calling her pretty? Trying to get into her pants or something?”

Sunwoo chuckles. “No”

“Then what is it?” You pry, snapping your head back to Sunwoo as you squint your eyes in suspicion. “Why are you suddenly complimenting her on her posts?”

“I appreciate good looks” Sunwoo shrugs his shoulders, the stupid smile still on his lips. “But, if you must know, she came to me a few days ago asking if she could, and I quote, have a ‘happy pill’. I asked her why and she said the reason is in the name… I told her I wouldn’t give her it unless you were there”

“Oh” You mutter, suddenly feeling terrible. Your chest feels heavy but you take a few heavy gulps of your beer, not meeting Sunwoo’s eyes as he stares right at you.

“Guessing she’s taking the breakup pretty hard?”

“Guess so” You nod, awkwardly rubbing the back of your neck as you spot Jeno from across the garden, standing alone as he chugs his own beer. “I think they both are”

“Why did we stop being friends?” The sudden change in topics almost gives you whiplash and you turn to look at Sunwoo in surprise, noticing that his hands are hidden beneath the table again, probably rolling another joint or fiddling with a baggy.

“Are you high?” Your tone is pretty harsh and mean, but he doesn’t react to it. “You know why we stopped being friends”

“What Eric did had nothing to do with me” Sunwoo tells you, shrugging his shoulders. “Eric was the one that got too overwhelmed in the relationship and decided to be a dick and break up with you, not me”

You blink in surprise. “Overwhel—”

“You should talk to him about it” Sunwoo takes a swig. “You don’t have to forgive him or anything, but I think you should talk to him about what happened. Closure, if you will”

“I hate closure” You grit through your teeth, chugging the rest of your beer down and slamming the empty bottle on the table. Sunwoo smiles as he watches you, finding your reactions and expressions amusing which you catch onto. “Glad you find me amusing”

“I just like how you’re still the same person you were months ago” He shrugs his shoulders. “I like talking to you, it reminds me of the good times. I miss our friendship. Just wish you didn’t shut me out when I had done nothing wrong”

You hate how right he is and you hate how guilty you feel. You did shut him out, you did refuse to be around him or speak to him because of Eric. Pushing everything aside, you had good memories with Sunwoo. He was your best friend before you even got close to the others.

You feel the urge to apologise when you meet Sunwoo’s eyes, opening your mouth to give him a mere pathetic apology that he shouldn’t even forgive but you’re interrupted by his own voice.

“You two look good, you know” He states, jutting his chin in the direction behind you as he finishes sneakily rolling another joint. “You and Na. Never expected it, but you look good together. Do you like him?”

“Why?” You can’t help but ask.

“Curious” He smiles softly. “Nice seeing you happy though. Your smile has always been the prettiest”

“Are you flirting with me right now?”

His smile turns into a grin as he shakes his head. “Just appreciating good looks” You roll your eyes at the same excuse he used earlier, pressing your lips together as you try not to let out an amused laugh. Sunwoo likes the fact you’re having fun with him. “If you like him, you should tell him. I can tell he likes you”

Your tongue presses against your cheek as you smile. “Is that an observation?”

He winks at you. “You know it” His eyes flicker behind you. “He’s leaving Eunbin, by the way. You should follow him. Tell him you like him”

“It’s weird hearing you say shit like that” You pull a face, but you can’t help agreeing with his words. You excuse yourself from Sunwoo and he wiggles his fingers at you in a goodbye, watching you walk away with his chin resting on his hand, a genuine smile playing on his lips.

It’s your mission to follow Jaemin. It’s your mission to tell him how you feel. You steal a shot from a table you pass by, downing the drink and slamming the glass back down on the table as you continue walking, wiping the corner of your lips with the back of your hand. Liquid courage, you think. Definitely needed liquid courage.

Jaemin turns on his heel, heading into a sea of people coming out of the house and as soon as reach out to graze his back, opening your mouth to call out his name, you already hear someone call out yours. You falter in your steps, craning your neck over your shoulder to see Eunbin heading straight towards you and your feet come to a stop, glued to the grass beneath you.

“I’m sorry if this is sudden but can I talk to you for, like, a few minutes?” Eunbin asks you as she steps in front of you, a gentle touch being placed on your arm. You want to say no, to tell her that you’re on a mission to find Jaemin and to tell him everything… but her pleading eyes start to slowly hold you back. “I won’t take much of your time, I promise”

“Okay, yeah, sure” You nod, swallowing harshly and allowing her to pull you into a more secluded area in her garden, a gazebo covered in small potted plants and pretty little fairy lights. You’re in awe at the sight, fingers grazing over the wood as she urges you to sit down on the cushioned seats in front of the firepit. She settles down right beside you when you get seated, sending you a nervous smile that you immediately give back.

The silence that takes over you both is deafening, despite the noise coming from the others at the party but you drown it out as you take this chance to really look at her. Eunbin’s stunning in her short white summer dress, her eyelids covered in the shiniest of glitters and her lips tinted a faint red. Her hair cascaded down her shoulders in small waves, almost covering the priceless jewellery in her ears.

The bright and kind aura she has around herself is enough to make a small smile appear on your face. You can’t hate her, even though you try so desperately to out of pure jealousy. You can’t dislike her either, she hasn’t done anything to you, she's been nothing but sweet since you’ve met her.

And you can’t cry… even when you see the ring that wraps around her middle finger.

“That’s gorgeous” You force your voice out, gesturing to the ring with shaky hands. “Where did you get it?”

“Oh, this has always been mine” Eunbin smiles softly as she holds out her hand towards you, allowing you to take a good look at the dainty silver ring with the black jewel in the middle. “When I got accepted into New York, I left it here for Jaemin… He bought it for me but it was just a little something for him to remember me while I was gone, just to let him know that I will always be thinking about him and that I love him”

“Oh” You breathe out, eyes unmoving from the jewellery. “It’s pretty special then…”

Eunbin nods, staring down at her ring with rosy cheeks. “It is special. I asked him a few days ago if he kept it but he took it out of his drawer and gave it back. I was kinda relieved, to be honest… I thought he would’ve thrown it out after what happened. Did he tell you what happened?”

“Yeah” You tell her, nodding your head.

“I seem like a really shitty person, don’t I?” Eunbin winces, waiting for your reaction but you’re blank, unsure of what to say or even how to react. She clears her throat, tucking her hair behind her ears. “Not that it matters anymore, but from my side, I didn’t think it was that bad… and I guess that made it worse, right?”

“What went through your mind when it happened?”

“I’ve always had this mindset of: follow your dreams and don’t let anyone or anything stop you, true friends and family will always be supportive no matter what choice you make” Her words instantly make you think of Yuta’s. “Jaemin was supportive, he was my number one supporter. He stayed by my side countless of nights when I had deadlines to finish, he helped me find inspiration whenever I felt like I was crumbling, he gave me his shoulder to cry on when I was stressed and he made me feel better”

Your chest tightens as you hear her voice crack, noticing the way she refuses to look at you now, eyes glassy as they stare at the firepit.

“It was my fault for not telling him that the art school I applied for was in New York, but I guess I assumed he would know… I mean, come on, when have you ever heard of big art schools being here?” Eunbin laughs at herself quietly, fiddling with her hands in her lap. “I know I hurt him and I feel awful for it. I’ve apologised so much but I know sometimes apologies aren’t enough… I don’t regret going to that art school, I never will… I just regret hurting someone I love in the process, you know?”

“Yeah, I know” You nod, refusing to meet her eyes this time as she looks at you. I just regret hurting someone I love. The words repeat in your mind, heart feeling like it's twisting painfully in your chest. It makes you feel sick and your throat gets tighter. Maybe the liquid courage wasn’t a good thing.

“Hey, Y/N?” You hum, giving her your attention. “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but…” She pauses, nervously playing with the hem of her dress and you start to feel your own nerves kick in, subtly scratching the skin around your thumb to try and calm yourself down, to remind yourself where you are and who you’re with. Eunbin meets your eyes, pushing her hair behind her ears. “What’s exactly going on between you and Jaemin?”

“What?” You choke out, covering your mouth as you cough when your saliva gets stuck at the back of your throat. Out of all the questions, you didn’t expect her to ask that. You’re reminded of your first awkward interaction at Jaemin’s house when Jaemin blurted out how you were exclusively sleeping together and the surprised look on Eunbin’s face. She knows that much… But what else is there to tell her?

“I’m sorry if it’s an awkward question, especially coming from me” She apologises, kindly patting your back as you try to clear your throat. “I know that you’re exclusive fuck buddies, if thats whats going through your head right now, but I just… I wanted to know if it was more than that or if it’s just that”

“Oh” Your clamming hands rub at your legs, definitely feeling more awkward and embarrassed now. Your whole body feels hot and you struggle to look straight at her, deciding to keep focused on the plants behind her as you try and muster up the courage to tell her that you like him.

“I just…” Eunbin starts to explain herself but she sighs, dropping her hands to her sides.“The thing is, the art school is over, which means I’ll be staying home for a little while until I eventually decide to move out to New York with my own money. Being here, seeing Jaemin again and having the opportunity to be his friend again just brings back so many memories and, I feel like an asshole saying this, but I still love him… my feelings haven’t really changed since day one and now that I’m back, I would just like a second opportunity, you know? I want to make up for lost time and be the girlfriend I should’ve been… but I’m not going to do that and I will step back if the relationship you have with him is more than just fucking, I promise”

“I-I—” You stammer, struggling to find your voice.

“I see the way you look at him” She confesses, giving you a kind smile, complete understanding in her eyes. “It’s how I look at him… So, please be honest with me and I’ll step back, I promise. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable”

But you already have. You’re so stuck, completely unable to give her a response as you stare at her in shock. She still loves him, she has always loved him, things really never changed. You shakily push your hair away from your eyes, trying to control your breathing which has started to get uneven.

You like Jaemin and you don’t want to lose him. You want to be selfish, you want to keep him for yourself. You want to blurt out all of your feelings and emotions to Eunbin, hoping she would understand why you didn’t want to stop what you have with Jaemin.

You feel angry, you feel hurt… but you feel guilty. There’s a voice in the back of your head telling you to feel guilty for taking Jaemin away from Eunbin, for being the thorn in their side and shoving yourself between their relationship even though in the back of your mind that’s not the case at all… but when she’s looking at you the way she is, eyes full of hope and silent pleads, you already know what your answer is.

“There’s no feelings involved, we made rules. We’re just fucking, that’s all it is… But it’s over now… he’s yours”

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

You look pathetic, sitting by yourself in the gazebo with your fifth drink in hand, vision a little dazey and body swaying side to side as your lips wrap around the bottle, gulping the harsh liquid as fast as you can.

You didn’t move from your place after your conversation with Eunbin, feeling too embarrassed about getting up and leaving so you let Eunbin be the one to dismiss herself first, allowing her to give you a hug goodbye before leaving. You regret lying about your feelings, eagerly wanting to turn back time and tell her the truth but you know you’d look stupid, especially if you find out Jaemin never reciprocated the feelings, which possibly is the case considering he’s been spending so much time with Eunbin instead of you.

Your thoughts get nasty and you hate it, immediately trying to push them to the back of your mind as you take a swig of your drink, legs anxiously jiggling as you observe your friends from a distance. Haru and Renjun are sitting together, knees knocking against each other and drinking out of their bottles, deep in a conversation that makes Renjun’s cheeks flush every so often. You wonder what they’re talking about.

Shotaro’s with Yeji, listening attentively as she speaks, nodding and agreeing along with the biggest heart eyes you’ve ever seen, his fingers wrapped nervously around his beer but you manage to catch Yeji shifting closer, slipping her fingers between his to hold his hand. You dizzily grin at the way Shotaro shyly casts his eyes down to his shoes, cheeks rosy and red.

Donghyuck and Yangyang stand not too far from the pair, both clearly drunk as they send flirtatious winks and thumbs up Shotaro’s way, cheering him on. Yangyang’s a lot sober than Donghyuck is, the latter seeming to be slurring his words and struggling to hold himself up on his own two feet which sends Yangyang into a laughing fit, almost crumbling to the ground under Donghyuck’s weight when he throws himself at him.

Miwoo, much to your surprise, mingles with a bunch of girls that you recognise from campus, talking about something as she passionately throws her arms up in the air and the girls nods frantically, seeming to be relating to whatever she’s saying before clinking their glasses together and taking the shot.

Your eyes somehow find the pair you didn’t exactly want to see in the midst of people, but you can’t seem to tear away from them, watching Eunbin cling to Jaemin’s arm with the brightest of smiles on her face, staring up at his with her big doe eyes that would make anyone waver. The smile on his face is kind and you fail to understand the words that he’s mouthing to her, but the twinkle in her eyes prove it was something that meant the world to her.

You manage to rip your gaze away too quickly to notice Jaemin glance around the party, a look of worry in his features as he tries to look for someone in the crowd, hands nervously twitching at his sides. Eunbin, mistaking him being cold, thoughtfully rubs at his arms, questioning if he would like to borrow a warmer coat which he declines, taking one last look around before giving her his attention.

Abruptly standing up from your seat, you decide to get another drink. You trip over your own feet as you walk, mentally cursing at yourself for wearing heels and even blaming the grassy ground that makes your journey a lot more difficult, trying to balance yourself and walk in a straight line as you head for a vacant table.

“Should you be drinking this much?” Someone questions and your head whips to the side, seeing Jeno standing to your right, watching you struggle.

“It’s not the drink. It’s these stupid fucking heels” You grumble angrily under your breath, almost tripping over your own feet again as you stumble on the grass. Jeno smiles in amusement, swiftly reaching forwards to wrap his fingers around your upper arm to keep you steady and you thank him when his arm slips around your waist, holding most of your weight off of your feet. You smile happily, throwing your arm over his shoulders. “You’re the best”

Jeno grins cheekily at you. “I know”

He leads you both to the table, trying his hardest not to snort at the way you try and walk despite him holding you up. Your curse him out, bumping your hips against his but you can’t help but laugh either, knowing that you probably look so tipsy and stupid.

You untangle yourself from Jeno the second you reach the drinks, leaning your weight on the table as you grab two beer bottles from the ice bucket and you peer inside, surprised at the amount of ice cubes that still haven’t melted, wondering if it’s actually cold outside or if you’ve drunk so much that you’re permanently boiling for the night.

“Why are you alone?” Jeno asks you as he cracks the bottle open with his teeth, throwing the cap back into the bucket. He offers to do the same for yours and you let him.

“Take a wild guess” He rolls his eyes immediately at your answer, already figuring out why you’re not with Jaemin and he doesn’t press further, handing you your beer back with a scowl and harshly chugging his drink. “Why are you alone?”

“I’m not really in the mood for this party” Jeno admits, wiping the corners of his mouth with the back of his hand. “I would love to be anywhere but here right now, I hate it”

“You and me both” You sigh, pushing your hair back out of your face as you take a swig. “I spoke to her earlier, alone”

“Yeah?” He quirks a brow. “How did that go?”

“Fine”

Jeno scoffs. “Liar”

Despite the fact that you are lying, your mouth opens in shock, deeply offended that he doesn’t believe you and is calling you a liar to your face. You flip him off while you drink and Jeno grins at you but he doesn’t pressure you into speaking about the conversation, waiting to see if you’ll talk about it yourself.

But you never do, which makes Jeno worried. He can tell by your facial expressions and the way you’re chugging beers after beers that the talk you had with Eunbin wasn’t as ‘fine’ as you made it out to be. Something clearly happened and as much as Jeno wants to ask and make sure you’re okay, he doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable.

He watches you carefully, seeing the way you glance over your shoulder at the crowds of people, teeth gnawing on your bottom lip. He sees the way your fingers shake around the neck of the bottle, almost spilling it but you subconsciously place it down on the table, intertwining your fingers together to calm you down. Something’s definitely wrong, Jeno thinks, frowning.

“She looks gorgeous… doesn’t she?” You whisper quietly, locked on Eunbin who’s now standing with her friends, Jaemin nowhere in sight as she talks with the most beautiful smile on her face, eyes twinkling beneath the fairy lights, her perfect white dress left untouched much to your surprise.

He makes a disgruntled noise beside you, swallowing down his beer. “I think you’re prettier”

You chuckle softly, rolling your eyes as you nervously play with the jewellery on your fingers. “Thanks, Jeno”

“Don’t compare yourself to her” You’re startled at the tone of his voice, turning to face Jeno with wide eyes. He looks straight at you, expression harsh and serious. “Don’t ever compare yourself to her. You’re a lot better than she is, than she will ever be”

You cast your eyes downwards. “You’re just saying that because you don’t like her…”

“I’m saying it because it’s true”

No matter how hard you try, you don’t believe his words, you can’t believe his words. The insecurity that you feel whenever she’s mentioned or whenever you see her, whether it’s in person or a photograph, is like no other. The confidence that you have disintegrates, withering away and leaving you in a puddle of pure self doubt and anxiety.

It’s strange, you think. She’s done nothing to you, nothing physical or mental, yet she makes you feel the way you do… just by existing. It’s so stupid, you’re so stupid.

Your hand shoots out to grab your drink, desperate to chug down the alcohol and forget but Jeno reaches out, fingers clasping around your wrist. You meet his gaze and he shakes his head, silently telling you not to drink anymore, to not do this to yourself but you ignore him, using your free hand to grab the bottle instead but he’s too quick for you, snatching yours with his.

“Are you really going to stop me from drinking at a party?”

“Maybe” He answers, tilting his head to the side as he eyes you. “Are you really going to compare yourself to her again?”

You fight back a smile, almost losing as you notice Jeno do the same, giving your hands a squeeze before letting you go. You bring the beer to your lips, keeping your eyes locked on Jeno’s as you take a sip and he rolls his eyes, tongue poking at his cheek as he chuckles.

The happy expression on his face soon withers away as he glances behind you, turning stoic as he picks up his beer, averting his attention to the crowd and you go to question his sudden change in attitude until you see the speck of white in the corner of your eyes. Your blood runs cold, the sickly feeling piling up in the back of your throat, body instantly caving in on itself as your arms wrap around your middle.

“Hey” Eunbin beams at the two of you, staggering to the side a little but she catches herself by placing her palms on the table. She laughs at herself, cheeks a little red from the amount of alcohol she’s consumed. “I’m happy you guys are still here! Are you having fun?”

“Very” You give her a tight lipped smile. “Thank you for inviting us”

“You don’t have to thank me” She giggles, placing your hand on your shoulder to give you a comforting squeeze but she sways again, gripping a little hard for some stability and you wince slightly at the contact but you don’t make a noise. Eunbin turns her head towards Jeno, smiling kindly at him but he refuses to give her his attention. “Nice to finally see you, Jeno. I was starting to think you were purposely ignoring me…”

“I am” Jeno nods, his answer short and simple, still looking away from him.

Eunbin reaches out to pat his arm in hopes to get his attention. “Jen—”

“Don’t touch me” Jeno says the second he feels the slightest brush of her fingers on his bicep. His tone is harsh and scary, and the expression on his face is enough to make the hairs stand up at the back of your neck. “Don’t fucking touch me”

“What is your problem with me?” She questions, frowning deeply. Her eyes turn glassy and it looks like she’s going to cry, whether it’s because she genuinely feels hurt by how Jeno’s reacting or if she had drunk so much that her emotions are all over the place. “You always act cold towards me even though I’ve done nothing wrong—”

She’s cut off by Jeno’s dry laugh, watching as he shakes his head while tipping it back to chug down the rest of his drink. The interaction between the two is awkward and you’re desperate to walk away but you know Jeno wouldn’t appreciate it if you left him alone, especially now.

Eunbin sighs. “Can you please just tell me what the problem is?”

“It’s you” Jeno immediately answers, finally turning his head to face her and she flinches at the abrupt movement. His dark eyes bore into hers, unwavering as he stares her down. “It’ll always be you”

“Jen—”

“Go back to pretending everything’s okay” He cuts her off again, still remaining eye contact before he makes the first move to look away, gazing out into the crowd. “You’re good at that”

Brutal. You blink, looking down at your half empty beer bottle, refusing to look at the two as the awkward tension rises. Eunbin doesn’t move, hurt written all over her features and you can tell she wants to bite back but she can’t.

You feel bad for her, especially when she sucks at her lips, tears brimming in her eyes which she tries to blink away. She hangs her head low, turning on her heel and walking away without another word. You face Jeno with a frown and you go to say something about how harsh he acted but you notice the way his fists clench at his sides, jaw tense.

“Was that your first time speaking to her since she came back?” You ask softly and he nods his head, scratching at the back of his neck. He seems uncomfortable, which you hate to see. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine—”

“FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!”

You and Jeno jerk up at the sound of chanting, seeing groups and groups of people eagerly running to the middle of the garden where a crowd forms. Your brows pull together in confusion, trying to peer over their heads as best as you possibly could from your spot and Jeno does the same, standing on his tiptoes.

A bad feeling settles in the pit of your stomach as you see Jaemin rush into the mass of people and you take a few steps forward, Jeno hot on your tail as you push through the bodies. Jeno curses, forcing people to move out of the way as they bump into you both, too amped up and excited to see the fight.

The palm of your hand slaps over your mouth in complete shock at what you witness when you manage to barge your way to the front, seeing Hyunjin get attacked by Donghyuck who pummels his fist down on top of his head and Shotaro hold his nose that gushes out with blood.

Yeji stands at his side, fear and shock written all over her face and Haru stands at his other, swatting his hand away and tipping his head back to help stop the blood. Renjun fumes behind them, chest heaving up and down as he evilly glares at Hyunjin who’s still fighting against Donghyuck.

Jeno’s quick to react, jumping into the chaos and yanking Donghyuck back by his shirt, yelling at him to calm down but Donghyuck refuses to listen, spitting profanities and evil threats Hyunjin’s way. Your eyes flicker to the side to see Jaemin holding back Yangyang who looks furious, knuckles bruises and a cut forming on the corner of his lip, hair dishevelled.

You quickly rush over to Shotaro, coming to his aid and pulling a few tissues out of Haru’s purse, holding them to his nose. He keeps apologising, for a reason you’re not too sure, but you shake your head, telling him to be quiet and to slow down his heavy breathing.

Haru glances between Shotaro and Renjun, knocking his side to get his attention and Renjun looks down at her, the two silently communicating.

You turn your head to Yeji. “What the hell happened?”

“I-I-I don’t know” She stutters, voice wavering and body shaking. “Me and Shotaro were dancing and Hyunjin just hit him”

“Shotaro kissed her and Hyunjin saw. He got angry about it so he punched Shotaro across the face” Haru informs you fully and you immediately spin around, glaring at Hyunjin. He rolls his eyes when you all look at him, wiping the blood from the cut on his eyebrow, letting out a laugh.

“He kissed her in front of me” Hyunjin tells you, wincing as he touches a different wound on his nose. “That little bitch did it on purpose—”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Donghyuck hisses, lunging for Hyunjin again but Jeno stops him, forcefully holding him back and demanding him to calm down despite how angry he was himself. He didn’t want to cause anymore trouble, not tonight anyways.

Hyunjin finds it amusing that Donghyuck and Yangyang are both being held back by others who so desperately want to step in and punch him. Felix, who has been desperately trying to tug Hyunjin away from the situation and begging for him to be quiet, shakes his head at Hyunjin’s behaviour, nervously gnawing down on his bottom lip as he Hyunjin points at Donghyuck and Yangyang while laughing loudly, seeming to go make a comment about Shotaro too but it never comes, he’s quiet.

Especially when he’s clipped across the face by Miwoo’s hand.

The crowd dies down, some ‘oohing and ‘ahhing’. Hyunjin cradles the side of his raw cheek, completely stunned at the action and Miwoo blankly looks at him, unbothered.

“Come on, laugh” Miwoo urges him. “It’s funny, right? Laugh. Do it” She raises her brow expectantly, putting her hands on her hips. “Want me to do it again? So we can both laugh together?”

She lifts her hand to strike again but Hyunjin steps back out of her aim, shaking his head quickly, face reddening in embarrassment. Miwoo scoffs, dropping her hand to her side with a tut, not happy with the way Hyunjin’s reaction.

“Pathetic” She sighs. “Boys”

“He’s not going to hit a girl, you freak” A voice states from the crowd, a familiar one, a female. You fight the urge to roll your eyes as you recognise its Yeeun and you turn to look at Haru who looks done with the whole situation, mumbling how it’s time for all of you to leave which you couldn’t agree more.

“I don’t mind” Miwoo grins almost manically. “Come on… you guys wanted a fight, didn’t you? Don’t tell me you’re taking back your words because a girl wants to join in on the fun… or is it the fact that you’re going to go up against someone who is actually going to hit back?”

The crowd is even more silent at that, knowing exactly what she’s talking about. Shotaro wouldn’t hit back, he’s not a violent person, which you know deep down that they all took advantage of until Yangyang, Donghyuck and Miwoo stepped in to defend their friend.

Some people look down, ashamed at being called out while others remain stoic, just continuing to stare at Miwoo as she eyes them all before stopping at Hyunjin. She smirks at his expression, rolling her eyes and lets out a halfhearted laugh all while turning to face Shotaro.

“Let’s get the fuck outta here… This party was boring anyways”

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

“Well… that was an experience” You admit as you walk into Jaemin’s bedroom, laughing awkwardly as you rub at the back of your neck.

After the fight, you all left Eunbin’s party in a hurry and decided to go grab some food at the burger shack, sitting around the table and gossiping about what happened (after making sure Shotaro was okay and that his nose wasn’t broken).

Donghyuck and Yangyang reenacted the fight, throwing over the top punches at each other and succeeding in making Shotaro laugh when they praised him for taking Hyunjin’s punches like a champ, calling him ‘the strongest badass alive’ which Shotaro beamed at.

Even Miwoo commented on how proud of Shotaro she was, cooing at him and pinching his cheek. Renjun and Jeno were still angry but Renjun calmed down after a while as Haru muttered things into his ears, caressing his thigh and giving him soft smiles.

Jeno remained angry while Jaemin was quiet. He stared at the table, saying nothing throughout dinner but when it was time to leave and everyone wanted to go back to the apartment, he had pulled you aside and asked if you could come home with him so the two of you could be alone.

You wanted to decline at first, wanting all of you to go back together but decided against it when it dawned on you that you really needed to talk to him, to discuss things that you wished would disappear and be forgotten about.

“Tell me about it” Jaemin chuckles, closing his bedroom door behind you both. He unbuttons a few of the buttons on his shirt, kicking his shoes off to the side as he looks at you. “Did you have a good night?”

“Yeah, it was fine” You nod stiffly, toeing off your heels.

“You don’t have to lie to me, you know” He tells you. He knows you like the back of his hand. He can read you so easily, you’re like an open book to him and you detest it a little, especially when he seems so closed off to you. You know everything about him and yet, you still know nothing at all. It’s frustrating. “I know you didn’t really want to go, but I’m happy you did”

“I did it for you” You say without looking at him, too shy to meet his eyes.

Jaemin raises a brow. “For me?” You hum with a short nod. “Why would you do it for me?”

Because I like you. “Because you wanted to go”

“I didn’t want to go” Jaemin furrows his brows. “I would’ve been fine either way, you know that. I just wanted to know what you wanted to do, I would’ve followed what you wanted”

You look at him this time. “Really?”

“Yes” Jaemin laughs, nodding his head as his arms wrap around your waist. You hold his arms, staring up at him. You’re unsure of how you’re feeling right now. You want to pull away from his embrace, knowing that it’s wrong to allow him to hold you like this after the conversation you had with Eunbin. But you also want to pull him as close to you as you possibly can, to hold him in your arms, to have his skin on yours, his lips.

Jaemin ducks his head down to press his lips to yours but you move back before he can even do so. He furrows his brows at you in confusion as you step out of his arms.

“Jaemin, I…” You pause, fidgeting in your spot. “I need to talk to you about something”

“Okay?”

“It’s important—” You gulp. “A-and I don’t really know how to start it or what to even say and I—”

“Hey, breathe” He tells you, instructing you to breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth, demonstrating it in front of you and you copy, quitting your rambling to try and calm your erratic heartbeat. The proximity between you both makes your head spin, feeling his breath fan across your face doesn’t help you relax but your fingers can’t help but graze against his chest, itching to pull him closer to you and ignore everything else around you.

His hand comes up to stroke the back of your head affectionately, staring down at you with those pretty brown eyes that make you weak, knees almost buckling under his gaze but you try your hardest to hold strong.

“Jaem…” You whisper his name.

“God, you look so beautiful” He whispers back to you, his hand coming down to caress your cheek with the prettiest of smiles and it makes your heart ache. The way he’s looking at you right now makes your head spin and you feel choked up, trying your best to blink away the tears that threaten to form. You want to distract yourself from tearing up and you do it in the worst way possible by surging forwards to connect your lips with his, completely forgetting about the talk you wanted to have with him as your fingers curl around his shirt.

His arms slither around your waist, pressing you close to his body as his mouth moves against yours, capturing your bottom lip with a soft bite and you gasp quietly. It gives him the opportunity to push his tongue between your lips, meeting yours in the soft kiss.

He smiles against your lips, pulling you closer as much as he possibly can as your fingers rake through his hair. Without a doubt, you’re addicted to him. You’re drunk on his touch, you’re putting in his hands, you yearn for more every time he touches you… you can’t get enough of him.

The rhythm that your lips move in is so gentle and soft, a kiss that you’ve never shared before but it’s starting to mean so much to you that you almost plead and beg to have him back when he pulls away.

Jaemin lowers himself, bending his knees as his hands latch onto the back of your thighs and you automatically jump, wrapping your legs around his waist as he grips your thighs tightly to hold you up, reconnecting his lips with yours as he expertly manoeuvres around his bedroom.

He sits down on the chair at his desk, comfortably settling you in his lap with your knees on either side of his hips. His hands rest at your thighs, gripping the bare skin between his fingers as mouth moulds with yours and you bring him closer with your arms. You feel his hands rub up and down your thighs before pushing up your skirt, letting it bunch around your waist messily.

You gasp when he presses his fingers against your clothed core. He smiles when he feels the wetness between your legs seeping through the lacy material and you unbuckle his belt, pulling his cock out of his pants just as he yanks your panties to the side.

You refuse to waste anymore time, having not been laid in so long makes you desperate and you’re not afraid to show or admit it, neither is he. He aligns himself at your entrance, his eyes locked on yours as you lower yourself down, gasping at the feeling of him inside you, stretching your walls and fitting in snugly.

He chases after your lips the second he bottoms out, trying his hardest to control himself. He wants to savour this moment and frankly, so do you.

“I appreciate you so much” He whispers sweet things in your ears and you shake your head, telling him to stop but he doesn’t. “I appreciate you so fucking much”

“Jae…” You warn him. He doesn’t listen, as per usual.

His hands cup your cheeks to bring you forwards, lips softly kissing the skin of your forehead, your eyelids, the tip of your nose. You’re basking in his touch, kissing the pad of his thumb as it rubs against your bottom lip. Jaemin smiles, watching your head lean back in bliss when he rolls his hips upwards to meet your speed, adjusting his grip around the back of your neck to pull you in.

He pecks your lips once, twice, three times before connecting his mouth to yours, kissing you so affectionately it makes you feel dizzy, so lightheaded that you’re afraid you’re going to pass out.

You steady your hands on his shoulders in the midst of the kiss to help you rise and fall down on his cock slowly, your eyes rolling to the back of your head in pleasure and whines and cries spill from your lips when his cock hits the sweet spot.

Jaemin’s the one to move back from the kiss, watching you with his mouth wide open, heavily panting every time your ass meets his thighs when you take him whole, his stomach caving in as he sucks in deep breaths.

The way he’s looking at you right now sends a shiver down your spine, his fucked out expression with hazy eyes staring into yours, refusing to break eye contact which you have already done so many times due to the pleasure that’s pooling in the put of your stomach.

You mewl as he hits the spot inside you again, thighs shaking at his hips and you clench around him involuntarily. Jaemin gasps at the feeling, fingers gripping your waist tightly as he tries to pull you closer.

“I’m not going to last long if you keep doing that” Jaemin breathes out with a grunt, licking his lips as he glances down at where your bodies connect, watching himself disappear inside you with a moan. “Fuck… you’re so beautiful, baby”

“I…I…” You struggle to find your voice when your core clenches, a band forming in your stomach, almost bringing you closer to your orgasm. “I… ‘gonna cum”

“Me too” He tells you, raising his hand to his lips, tongue licking at his thumb before he presses the digit to your clit. The sudden action makes you tense up, the air being knocked out of your lungs as you cum around his cock, leaving you breathless as your walls convulse around him, whining as he thrusts to reach his orgasm.

“Baby..” You cry out prettily, still creaming around his cock. Hearing you call him such an endearing name for the first time sends him over the edge, hot liquid spilling inside of you with a high pitched moan you have never heard come from him before.

You collapse on top of him from exhaustion, resting your chin on his shoulder and everything inside of you snaps, the tears freely streaming down your cheeks. Your hands cling to his back, fisting the material of his shirt in your hands tightly as if he could easily slip away from your fingers. He holds you close to him too, breathing heavily as his hands rub up and down your back soothingly, helping you both come down from your orgasms, cooing softly in your ear.

Jaemin doesn’t move, keeping his cock inside of you with a smile, leaning back against his chair comfortably with you and his one hand moves to the back of your head to keep you as close to him as he can.

He’s unaware of what’s going on behind him, he can’t feel the tears drip from your eyes and seep into his shirt. He can’t hear the words repeating in your head. He can’t see the pain that’s on your face.

He also didn’t know that this is the last time you will both be in this position.

He’s oblivious.

He’s oblivious to it all.

⟩⟩• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •⟨⟨

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Edwin probably never had anyone to talk with in hell, right? Maybe the occasional other person popping up like Simon did but even then Edwin had to be quiet because of the spider demon.

So I like to imagine that during the first few years with Charles, Edwin would think stuff in his head but not say them out loud and then be all frustrated and confused when Charles was like 'mate, I have no idea what you're going on about.'

Maybe having problems with speaking too softly or in broken sentences half said out loud and half only in his head.

And that'd be one of those weird quicks of his that, years and years later when Charles finds Edwin in hell and is told very desperately to be quiet, finally clicks and Charles goes ohhhhhhhh. Oh no.

---

Just a Man. Everything is so heart-breaking, the tone, how Odysseus lowers his voices to not disturb baby Astyanax and compares him to Telemachus, how he has genuine remorse for everything he has witness and is not willing to do it; how his in the brink of tears and is almost choking of grief; the chorus starts and his determination grew, he is still in the brink of tears, the end is just plain realization.

This is song is a masterpiece. And a another that plays with my heart is "Would you fall in love with me again", it´s so raw and so sweet.

Reblog with the EPIC song that made you cry

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