How Did I Live Like That? - Tumblr Posts

Daymare

I had one yesterday. That's the only way I can describe it.

I was back in the house Spring 2015ish. I was in my current headspace, though, like I used a time machine. I was hellbent on getting out as soon as possible, but I figured it would take me two days to orchestrate.

My plan was detailed: how to get and where to find boxes (cold room - he rarely went in there), how to move everything, (bring some to folks night before) who would help me, (two friends chomping at the bit to get me out of there), and what I would do differently (take ALL of my things, sell the house, take my share)

What made it horrible was the realization that I had to suffer him for that time.  

I'd have to talk to him. I'd have to have sex with him to keep him from being suspicious, and then share a bed.  Then I'd have to break the news: he’d no longer have me to abuse.

The feelings I had knowing he was near came back by a fraction, and I was sick. I spent over an hour huddled in the shower.

How on earth did I live like that for so long?