I Lost You - Tumblr Posts

“I never stood a chance, did I?”

“That’s the sad part. You did, once.”

- a sad romance

Friday 1818

I dreamed someone smashed my camera, it's delicate and intricate parts fractured splintered shattered beyond repair as I prodded desperately to see what could be salvaged.

The metaphor is disgustingly easy to read.

It's been every weekend like clock work since you left

You text, boundary push, reach out to sucker me back in

And today you didn't.

I'm trying very hard to be relieved, but that pain is back in my chest.

Depression is grey, a misshapen ball in my chest rising up my throat

Depression is the dismissal of all my daily activities and basic cares that I hold so dear (the dishes can hold till tomorrow, and then the day after that again)

Depression is the overwhelming fatigue at the thought of trying to talk to others

Depression is here, but that means a turning point will come soon.

Your mother would have told you today that I don't want to see you, I didn't mean it like that but I did.

I have to stop living my life like I'm about to do something to win you back, I don't want to win you back. I gave you your freedom, and now I'm trying to learn to be a human again.

I dreamed this morning that you told me you were seeing someone. I woke up with sobs caught in my throat.

I guess I have more work to do on letting go.

I come here every week now, jabbing at a wound that just will not heal.

I set an alert today, to tell me when the 3 months you asked for has gone by. I never knew 3 months could be so long.