You Broke Me - Tumblr Posts

My heart is missing you in this moment, I feel it in my chest moving up my throat and settling between my eyes.

Your mother is home from the hospital.

You've told me again unsolicited again that you want to be alone.

Jesus Christ you're like a meme.

And still I'm missing you today.

Why is my heart hurting so badly today?

Why do I feel such strong urge to reach out to you?

I want to hear you I want to hear you say you love me I want my chest to burst forth with everything I feel and I want

To

Reject

You

With my mouth.

Your bike is gone from the garage, and I don't know when that happened.

I'm at the theater where we had dinner so many times, trying not to think about it, trying to forget about you, but here and now I'm on my first paying gig and I want you to be proud of me (you would be proud of me) and I never want to see you again.

I want you to disappear and know how good you taught me to be.

What I'd really like is to stop dreaming about you.

It's not over for me and it will never be over for me, I can stand stone silent wishing with all my might that it cuts you to the bone, yet I am the one who dreams of you every night relentlessly plumbing my psyche till I wake up aching and gasping to go back and read your last texts again just to reassure myself that I am in the right.

And can you tell me it was worth it?

I dreamed of you again. I dream of you almost every day.

I dreamed that we were fighting zombies on a devastated college campus. I dreamed the was a fight between us. There was another woman. I saw, I knew. I left.

I dreamed that I was given the chance to go back. Before. Before everything went wrong. I dreamed that I was given the chance to prevent your betrayal.

So I did.

I took a walk with Mouthy today. That Mouthy, he's so ghetto, he's so thug.

He said "damn girl I'm glad to see you haint lost that big ol' white girl booty"

He said "you gotta man girl? Cuz if you do, he in T R O U B L E"

And I said "Nah. I did, but he wanted something different out of life"

And I thought Mouthy was going to say "that's too bad" or "his loss" or something like that.

But Mouthy looked at me and said

"And what do you want out of life?"

I cried today, the first time in a while.

Driving to the mall, listening to Trampled by Turtles (Alone) and suddenly my throat is thick and my eyes are welling with tears and your name is sitting right above my vocal chords like an ugly unhatched egg.

I changed the radio to a Dire Straights station and went on with my business.

I want to say something.

I feel like I should say something.

But there's nothing really to say.

I woke up from a dream about you, haven't had those in months.

Maybe I should have had something to say yesterday after all.

Stop haunting my dreams damn it, he was supposed to have fucked you out from under my skin

Selling your soul

it wasn’t until now that i realized what “selling your soul to the devil” means because sometimes the devil doesn’t come as a red little man with horns cloaked in darkness.. he can come dressed in hazel eyes and chiseled jaw lines smelling like old leather and cigarettes masked with cologne all wrapped in such beautiful lies and he’s beautiful in every way imaginable he’ll make your heart skip a beat and take every breath you have away you’ll watch almost every sunrise with him and then fall asleep against his chest and you’ll find comfort in his hugs because they feel like home and every kiss you share will be better than the last and every stolen glance you’ve caught will be etched into your mind and every car ride out to the city in the middle of the night with him became your therapy and every little secret you held spilled out into the floorboard cant be taken back and he’ll tell you he loves you and you’ll say it back and everything will be fine for a few months because he’s your anchor in it all he’s the one you tell every fucked up thing in your head to he’s the one you let see your tears and holds your hand through it all he’s the one to kiss your forehead and tell you everything will be alright ... and in a way it felt like it was going to be but damn what a lie that was and you fell for it all you fell for the little things and the big things thinking everything was right for once but it wasn’t and it’s shame with all the promises he said he would keep are all now broken and you can’t help but wonder was any of it real? all of the i love yous, me and you till the end, and pinkie promises... did it mean anything? sigh.... the devil is not a red little man but a beautiful soul with a warm smile and a cold heart

-S.G ‘17

Un-fucking-fortunately 🙄

My soul is screaming your name while my heart is seeking for your love and affection. You did everything to pursue me before I was yours, but now that you have me, you aren't pursuing to keep me so I can be yours anymore. Let me go instead of making me feel like I'm held captive.

I love gore

Es difícil que alguien nos rompa el corazón. Generalmente lo hacemos nosotros mismos, tratando de meterlo a la fuerza donde bien sabemos que no cabe.

parametrossinmedida.blogspot.com.es

I felt so happy and in that instant moment my fingers itched to send you a text about my achievement to include you in my joy. But I didn't. You hadn't knocked me for a week after that last goodnight I sent you and how could I just text you out of the blue now like I always used to do? I used to do it; I did it a lot. But you see, you never knocked me first or initiated a conversation. It was always me texting you first and sounding needy even when I was telling you about my perfect day. I missed your presence in sadness and in bliss and you, you barely acknowledged mine. So I didn't knock you. And a wall started growing between us until there was just nothing more to say. But I miss you; I still do.

I thank you.

I like what i am now,  little bit broken. I am glad I am. A few months back I was a complete mess. You left me so broken. And maybe you were sad too. But you’ve found someone new. And you’re happy. By god did that kill me. 

I’m glad you did. because if you hadn’t i wouldn’t have realized how little I meant to you. How futile our love was to you. I tried so hard to pretend it was all fine, that seeing the two of you together did not kill me. Heaven only knows the nights i cried myself to sleep. 

You told me that you found yourself with her. well good. But i was left behind on the ground to up the pieces of my shattered heart.

Nevertheless i picked myself up. It still hurts, seeing the two of you together, happy, but not as much. I am able to push aside the thoughts of what we were and how we could’ve been. I can look past the hurt and the pain you’ve caused. I may not be able to let myself love again anytime soon, but i will..eventually. 

More than anything I’m proud of myself. i picked myself up without anyone. I didn’t need another person’s affection to feel close to whole again. I can’t wait to fall in love again. Maybe this time I’ll fall for someone who’ll love just as deeply and just as honestly as i will them. Maybe this time I’ll do justice to my emotions, to my fears, to my dreams ...and to my love. 

I don’t blame you, I thank you. 

With love,                                                                                                                the one person you meant the world to