My Person - Tumblr Posts

V is for Vanities (and Vendettas)

Last night I made you say "Oh my God"

Tonight the you have not spoken to me at all

Helpless Before Thee

Please God, I pray, just bring my lover home safe

Even though home isn't with me

Just please.

Parking Lot Romance

Yours is the name I whisper to the sunsets that take my breath away and to myself a hundred times a day when the emotion becomes so overwhelming that something has to escape my lips like a prayer like blasphemy like salvation and alleluia

alleluia

alleluia

Amen.

Thursday 1920

I can see me rising upon you breathless encouragement all hands and sweat and slapping flesh we know one another like our own skin, I know the catch in your breath that tells me how to move and when

and then I disassociate and see you my best friend so gentle and flawed and the things we do in private seem utterly unreal, I am split between realities.

Run

Maybe I can beat you out from under my skin like fat tears crying starve myself till my only thought is hunger pangs over shadowing my aching heart tendons

I need to run from your absence.

Wednesday 1339

I dreamed of you last night, I've no idea if it meant anything at all; but for a brief space of firing synapses we were happy.

Today you have not contacted me at all.

The Anatomy of Jealousy

If I could stretch my fingers into tendrils across this table

interlaced intertwined the way I want to be with you burrowing seeking the source

through dermis and tissue at your throat till you swallow me as I have you uncounted times I will penetrate your heart so deeply embedded in your ventricles that you cannot live without the presence of me

and then no other can have you.

Monday 1955

We touch on it from time to time, and I tell you the same always: you've never given me false hope.

Except

you have.

Every time you tell me you're in love with me. Every time you tell me it's fading for her. Every time you tell me about the conflict in your soul, every time you claim me as yours;

hope flickers.

Sunday 0001

To put a name on it, he is a what might have been, and now my childhood friend starts lingering at the edges of my mind, a dangerous habit as I've a tendency to fall for fantasies.

What might have been. I'll always wonder how it could have gone.

Sunday 1120

I dreamed of you last night, dreamed that you were ready to leave her and come to me.

Dear God, my dreams are cruel.

Monday 1332

I do not ever pray for you to leave her, oh no, I am too righteous for that; or superstitious, what have you.

I pray that you are happy. I pray that you find peace.

Most of all I pray that there is a resolution to this mess, sooner please, than later.

Thursday 1301

Every minute ticking by twists the knife a bit deeper.

Anything you can do I can do better, I can do rejection better than you.

WHERE ARE YOU YOU ARE ALL I HAVE

Sunday 0726

I dreamed about you last night.

Just like I prayed to.

Tuesday 2208

I would give anything to dream of you tonight.

It's always her for you;

and always you for me.

Wednesday 2100

I woke with the feeling I had yelled at you, warranted or not I felt ashamed.

Tell me; if she weren't in the picture, would we still be?

By The Fingertips

It is to my dad that I finally say it out loud, the confession hatched like an ugly egg from deep in my throat:

I wish we would just get caught, and let the chips fall where they may.

I wish that one way or another this could finally be over.

Monday 2009

I need a break from the things that hurt, and it may be only for a little while or it may be longer; but you and I will always find our way back to one another no matter what happens.

I am the one who is always happy to see you, who never has to fake it, who always knows you can do more and wants to know how you will, but-

I am not the one you want those things from, and that is where our magnets flip their poles and the resistance begins.

I'm going to have dinner with someone soon, who is looking directly at me, instead of at a ghost standing over my shoulder; I'll fuck you out from under my skin if I have to.

You and I will always find our way back to one another, but I need a break from the hurt, at least for a little while.

Separation Anxiety

His body is lean and wiry under my hands our thrusts frantic with need heedless of the night air or the cars or the mountains or anything at all as we mate like frenzied animals or maybe teenagers in a darkened parking lot; I leave him gasping for air when we are done.

We know one another the way all people from small towns do, comparing graduating years and siblings and who has worked with who; a pleasant surprise in discovering a mutual desire, as these things go sometimes.

And in the morning I send you the hardest message of all.