I Spent Time Discussing With My Man Which Cheese Would Suit Each Bot Best And Why - Tumblr Posts

Ridiculous Headcanons Pt. 1

Sorry in advance y’all. Okay so I was so bored at work my brain was rotting thinking of TFP characters for so long that I have this. Here’s what I think each character’s favorite cheese would be, if either they were human at some point and tried it, or could taste a big enough chunk as cybertronians; whatever excuse needs to be for them to have any opinion about cheese. (also could just be them as cheeses… idk, I work in Wisconsin, I’m always surrounded by cheese, this is what happens.)

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Autobots

Optimus Prime: Optimus liked Colby Jack. Good, classic Colby Jack. He likes the two distinctive colors and just generally enjoys the flavor.

Arcee: Pepper Jack; well loved, timeless, and packs a punch too. She likes that it’s soft but not sweet. Also, Jack being in the name is a bonus.

Bumblebee: Velveeta. The color is great and it’s a universal, famous cheese; everyone knows it (at least in the USA), just like him. He had it in a mac & cheese and stuck with it as his favorite. (he strikes me as a mac & cheese sort of guy)

Bulkhead: He’d chose brick cheese because it has a good, versatile, underrated taste. Also, just like him, this cheese is softer than its name implies <3

Wheeljack: Cheetos. He didn’t care that they “technically wont count as a cheese”, they’re cheese flavored enough and they’re what he likes. Especially the flamin’ hot ones.

Smokescreen: Cheese curds. Warm, squeaky, proper cheese curds. Specifically the ranch flavored ones are his top pick.

Ultra Magnus: This was how Ultra Magnus found out he was lactose intolerant. He didn’t like any of them, and he won’t be asked to try again.

Ratchet: Ratchet chose blue cheese, purely because the flavor was so distinctive. It’s also a very mature choice of cheese, which just made sense for him. 

Decepticons

Megatron: Monterey Jack. The warlord refused to consume any cheeses but picked Monterey Jack just because to him, it sounded like an evil version of Colby Jack.

Starscream: Cheese whiz..?? When presented with the samples he didn’t bother to try anything, but automatically went for the can of cheese whiz, as if he already knew it..??? (He did what he had to do when he was rogue. Ik it doesnt make sense but its hilarious.)

Soundwave: Mozzarella. Soundwave had already heard of cheese on the internet indirectly throughout his few years of needing to interact with human information in order to serve Megatron. Because he understood mozzarella cheese to be a monumentally important cheese to human society, he internally likened himself to it, being himself monumentally important to the Decepticon cause. No one knew that this was why he chose mozzarella, they were just glad that he responded at all. 

Shockwave: When Shockwave received the cheese samples he did not taste anything and instead just.. Left to his lab and ran some tests.. After a while he decided on feta cheese, saying that it is among the healthiest of cheeses and therefore, for nutritional purposes, is the most logical choice.

Knockout: Camembert. It’s soft and fancy and french and… He hardly tasted much it, but liked pronouncing it, and appreciated that he could spread it on a cracker instead of getting a giant chunk stuck all up in his teeth.

Breakdown: Breakdown chose Parmesan cheese because he had once seen in a movie the grater that is used at restaurants where they just keep cranking it. He said it tasted as good as it looked in the movie.

Dreadwing: Dreadwing thought that Provolone was the ideal cheese. It seemed the most sensible.

St3v3: String cheese was St3v3’s pick, even though it is technically mozzarella. For him, it was a texture thing.

Airachnid: Cazu Marzu. It’s that maggot cheese that can kill you if you eat it. It wasn’t even on the sample plate, she just brought it herself.

Predacons

Predaking: Predaking chose smoked Gouda. He did admit that the smoke added a touch of familiarity to the cheese (seeing as, of course, breathing fire exposes you to plenty of smoky smells). Overall, he thought they were all pretty good, but somehow this was the only smoked one on the plate, so he chose it.

Skylynx: Skylynx thought the aged Swiss wasn’t that bad. The bitterness was enjoyable to him, and he found it best melted.

Darksteel: Limburger. It was the most controversial cheese on the plate, and that just made him think it was the most exciting one. The smell didn’t even bother him much, and he genuinely enjoyed the flavor.