Im Sad And Just Kinda Word Splurging On Paper - Tumblr Posts

Warnings: Implied Arophobia (external and internal), Dehumanization

Other Notes: Author just kinda is self pitying and also has poor writing and now you’ve been warned so it’s your fault if you read it

Pining is often seen as one of the most heartbreaking things. The idea that you are hopelessly in an unrequited love is a textbook formula for tragedy. I have never been on this side of pining. I don‘t expierience romantic love at all so how could I really. This doesn’t stop me from wanting to be in a relationship with someone though. Even when I know objectively i‘d be quite a poor partner. I find myself wishing for a partner sometimes, someone to love and hold but whenever I try to put a face to it the idea inevitably falls apart, because any face (fictional or otherwise) won‘t be able to incite that love in me. Everything I start thinking this way I feel like an outsider looking in onto this „universal“ human experience, something that separates me even more from those around me. How could I be human if I can‘t love like them? So no I’ve never pined after someone, but iv‘e wanted to. Ever since arbitrarily picking someone to have a „crush“ on in elementary school I’ve wanted to love someone, to be infatuated and trip up on words while dreamily putting our initials together and planning a wedding in my head. To feel heat rise up to my cheeks as confirmation of my love, of my humanity. I would even take an unrequited aching type of love, even if only to finally be on the inside for once, to not be the heartless one rejecting the protagonist, to not be the villain in a romcom, to not be loveless. Instead i am left pining over the idea of pining, love only ever twice removed, an afterimage at best. I really do love love, it just doesn’t‘t love me back.