Language Warning - Tumblr Posts

it’s the kiss of death (you took me by surprise)

Dave's not easily surprised - unless Klaus is involved

ao3

David Katz thought he was a pretty mellow guy – except for when he was around Klaus Hargreeves. 

Dave was twelve years old when he came to the conclusion that he liked boys in the way he was supposed to like girls. He kept this realisation to himself but wasn’t all that bothered about it – he was more concerned for his parents if people found out that their only child was a fag. When his parents died, he was sad, sure, but not surprised. Dave’s old man was getting on in years and when his mother died months later, it wouldn’t take much to convince Dave it was from heartbreak. He was twenty-nine when he went to ‘Nam. It wasn’t unexpected given the circumstances – he was young and had no family left. No one would miss him if he died.

Later, when Dave a few months shy of thirty, a stranger appeared in the middle of the night in Vietnam with a flash of blue light, clutching a briefcase and wearing nothing but a towel Dave was, understandably, shocked (it might have had something to do with how ridiculously beautiful the man was, but it was mostly the other stuff… probably). The man looked up at Dave with an expression of wonder that did nothing to deter the shock – though it did make Dave feel a little self-conscious. He’s pretty sure he went bright red.

When the man (Klaus. What a fab name) had casually asked for the date, including the year, Dave was a little freaked out but did his best to appear unbothered by the question. It became a little harder when, upon asking if he was ok, Klaus barked out a laugh and lied through his teeth (it wasn’t hard for Dave to tell that Klaus was definitely not ok, and it seemed to have very little to do with being in a war zone).

Almost a month later after watching Klaus have conversations with members of the troop who had died weeks ago (honestly, it wasn’t the most crank thing that Dave had ever seen a guy do), Dave was convinced that nothing that nothing else the beautiful man could throw at him could faze him. Klaus had surprised them all, leading the boys around landmines and away from hidden enemy troops, and at first Dave found it all a little daunting. He got used to it.

The next time he was surprised by Klaus, it wasn’t so much what he did, more what looking at him in through the haze of smoke in the crowded disco made Dave do. It was during R&R and Klaus was wearing a tight yellow shirt that left a tantalizing strip of pale skin showing. In that moment, Dave knew with absolute certainty that no one had ever looked more gorgeous.

And so, Dave took a depth breathe and slowly walked Klaus over to a dark corner of the room and kissed him. Slowly and sweetly. Klaus’s lips were soft and when they let out a low moan of pleasure, Dave just about floated up to Cloud Nine.

Over the following weeks and months, Dave’s residence on Cloud Nine became permanent, even in the face of war. The only time that was ever in question was when Klaus told him, well, everything. About his horrible childhood, his warden a twisted and cruel man, about how the drugs were the only thing that made the ghosts quiet until he met Dave (Klaus said that the way Dave went all bashful and red upon hearing that, was fucking adorable). Dave even learnt what exactly the briefcase is, and in the quiet of the tent Klaus whispered to him that he didn’t want to go back, and that, if Dave would let him, Klaus would live out the rest of his days by his side. Dave realised then and there that there would never be anything else in the world that he could ever want more than that.

Eight months After The Kiss (Dave has found most things have become sorted in his mind to Before and After Klaus, Before and After The Kiss) was the first time in a long time that Klaus shocked him. The bloody Cong were raining down hell around them, the air filled with screams of terror and Dave was really fucking scared for the first time in a long time. He was scared for himself, but also for Klaus who he knew had to be struggling based on the sheer amount of bodies that lined the wall of the trench. Dave glanced to his left where Klaus was pressed up against him. At the same time Klaus looked at him and gave a tight smile. Dave opened his mouth to say something, anything to reassure his lover (and himself) that would all be ok – it has to be ok – but was cut off by the commander’s sharp voice.

“Go, men, go! Come on you skirts! Go, go, go!”

Tearing his eyes from Klaus, Dave took a breath and thrust himself up, turning to face the enemy.

And fuck that hurt.

Dave staggered back down. He was vaguely aware of Klaus grasping him to sit him up against the wall of the trench. The noise of war faded into the background as Dave looked up into Klaus’ eyes (such pretty, pretty, green eyes. Like the trees in spring), and oh no, Klaus was crying, why was he cryin– oh. Dave had a whole in his chest. That must be why.

Dave forced a smile, needing to reassure Klaus that it would be fine, he would be fine cause Dave loves him and the war would be over soon and then they could go home, move to the country and get a dog (kids would be nice but who in their right mind is gonna allow that).

Klaus was looking around wildly, screaming… something. Dave was having a little trouble hearing.

Klaus looked back down to Dave and Dave reached his hand up to him wanting to touch him. Klaus must’ve seen his hand twitch cause he lent down pressing their foreheads together (Klaus just got Dave, even without Dave saying a word and that was one of the many things he loved about Klaus – and Dave hasn’t told him that, has he? He’d have to remember to tell him).

Dave could feel Klaus’ tears against his cheek. That was simply unacceptable. Klaus wasn’t allowed to cry, ‘specially not over Dave. Dave mustered his strength and lifted his head just enough to press a soft kiss to Klaus’s lips. That seemed to flick a switch in Klaus’ brain. Suddenly Klaus was pressing his lips against Dave’s with a ferocity that was unlike anything Dave had seen from his sweet, gentle (occasionally a tad crazy) Klaus.

The world slowly faded away until it felt all that was tying him to the world was Klaus (klausklausohgodklausklausiloveyouklausklauspleasebeokklaus).

And then, just as suddenly as Klaus came into his life, the world came back into focus. With a sharp gasp, Dave sat straight up, unintentionally throwing Klaus off him.

They looked at each other for a moment, dumbfounded. By all rights, Dave should’ve been dead (and boy, was that weird to think about – just moments ago he was fading away, now he felt like his head had been dunk in water).

Klaus was staring at him in much the same way the night they had met – equal parts shock, confusion and awe. Then the moment was over as Dave threw himself at Klaus, arms tightening around his lover’s neck. Turning his head, he pressed his mouth against Klaus’, savouring the moment that almost never was. Klaus kissed back, slow and soft, tongue tracing Dave’s bottom lip. Dave could feel Klaus grin against his lips and Dave grinned right back, lips parting to let Klaus in.

Dave pulled back, and though the moment wasn’t perfect (they were still in the middle of a war, covered in mud, people shouting and dying all around them), Dave couldn’t wait any longer.

“I love you.”

Klaus, somehow, managed to grin even wider. “I love you, too, Davey. More than anything.”

(Now Dave understood how Klaus was stretching his mouth that wide)

The moment that had carved out for themselves was ruined by the commander’s thundering voice. “Katz, Hargreeves! Stop pussyfooting around, get out there!”

They both let out an instinctive “yes, sir” (even just thinking about why Klaus fell so easily into the military lifestyle, when it took Dave months, he felt hacked) as the commander raced past them.

Klaus looked over at Dave with terror in his eyes, hand gripping Dave’s in a death lock (not that Dave could say he himself was doing any less), croaking “Dave” in that soft voice that usually made Dave so happy. Dave nodded and said firmly, “Let’s get the fuck out of here. You got that magic box of yours?”

I really liked Shadow's campaign in Sonic 06.

Might consider making my own rewrite since all the cool kids make 06 rewrites

This is a good writing prompt! Get ready for a story.

~————~

I waited. I waited to see what I should do. What I could do.

I felt the power flowing through me, like a frigid winter breeze, sudden and unwelcome. I shuddered. My room seemed colder, and bigger. Or maybe I was just smaller?

Blue lightning arced from my fingers, but I paid it no heed.

I simply sat there, meditating, hovering in my room.

Thinking.

Waiting.

Until it hit me: I’m a god. I can do anything....

But should I? What if I’m not alone? What if another god gets pissed about what I did?

What if I actually am alone? What happens when I see the end of humanity, and my friends’ bones wither away to dust?

What if I spark the Apocalypse?

What if it ends up being my fault?

~————~

Enough “what-if’s.” I needed to get stuff done.

I pulled out my school-issued computer and logged on, despite the throbbing headache and feeling of existential dread. My teachers had denied extensions for far more asinine things than “whoops I woke up with celestial powers and now I can’t read.” One kid lost an eye and had to do “Hamlet” essays in the hospital. I’d have no excuse.

I tried reading the prompts over and over again, but the words kept blurring and shifting. The line marker blipped impatiently. The screen stayed blank, as did my mind. Nothing.

Ok, that’s it. I’m taking a nap.

~————~

“Oi, kid. Wake up.”

“Is she dead?”

“Nah, don think so. Just fuggin tired, thasall.”

Who was that? There were two voices. One sounded drunk.

“Oh, I think she’s up now! Hello? Eleanor? Are you ok?”

Who were those people?

“Sorry about the rude awakening, but it’s important. We recently did something, and we need to run a few tests...”

“Mainly how well ya recover from torture.”

“Dammit, Sikes, she wasn’t supposed to know that!”

Sikes shrugged. At least, that’s what I assumed his name was. But seriously, who were they, and what did they want at 2AM?

I tensed and rose to my feet. I was in a different room than when I had fallen asleep. Only a thin blanket had been issued to me. The lightning was pink today. A bulb was out on the overhead ceiling fan. Details, details. I could change them if I wanted to, but I liked it that way. Natural order and all that.

Sikes stepped back. I noticed a bulge at his hip- he was armed. Shit.

“Sikes, stay calm. She’s just a kid- she has no control.”

Well, that was some patronizing bullshit. I had total control. Just, not of my powers.

I smiled at the other man, Not-Sikes. He scowled back in dismay, but I could see the fear in his eyes. Or was that admiration? Jealousy? So many feelings, just at a glance.

I decided to play along. I could blast them away if I really wanted, or needed.

“What makes you think that? That I have no control?”

“Cuz we tased yer ass last night and you didn’t even zap us,” Sikes spoke up. “Just, went limp, like a dead fish or somethin’. Didn’t flinch when I carved the barbs out of ya, either.”

“Sikes, enough. Don’t play her game.” Damn. Not-Sikes was an ass. Maybe I could-

“No.”

“What?”

“You heard me- no. No blasting me, and stop narrating. My name is Quincy, not ‘Not-Sikes’. Next time, ask. This isn’t your story. You’re not in control anymore.”

I was getting pissed. “Like hell I am! You’re just some secret-agency nobody with some fancy toys! Toys that I can shift away into nothingness with a snap of my fingers. I don’t need your name, Quincy. I don’t need anything from you, or your plastered friend.”

Sikes took offense to that. “I ain’t drunk!”

Both Quincy and I knew the answer to that:

“Yes you are.”

Quincy smirked a bit at our coincidence, then returned to his dour mood. “Eleanor, please, just cooperate with us, and it’ll all be over soon.”

“Last time I heard that phrase, the person saying it got their ass kicked by a superhero. I’m not doing anything for you two. Not by free will or control.”

I hovered there, arms and legs dutifully crossed. Pink lightning charged across my limbs. Sikes’ hair stood up. The ceiling fan creaked as it continued its endless laps.

Quincy grabbed a small black box from his pocket. He smiled at me. Not a happy smile; more like a “I’m gonna personally disembowel you” smile.

“Good thing there are other alternatives....”

~————~

*end, for now*

for whatever reason, you suddenly gain godlike powers of control over the universe. what’s the first thing you do?

My friend is a bit darker than I thought...

I’ve known my best friend since I was in 5th grade. Great person, super happy and colorful, but a bit easily spooked. My brother and I would always mess with her on camping trips, and this story is one of those times a couple of years ago. My brother was 9, my friend was 12, and I was 11.

~———~

I had told them a really creepy campfire story before bed, so they were still a bit jumpy. My friend was trying to sleep. It was dark out, so they couldn’t see much.

Brother, in a deep voice: Hey.

*She punched him*

(Now, this is the point where I need to make clear that I hadn’t told her about how I can heavily mod my voice. I was pretending to be asleep.)

Me, in a deep voice: Hey.

*Again, my brother got punched*

Brother: Hey! That wasn’t me!

Friend: Then who was it?

They looked at me, apparently sleeping.

When they looked away, I laughed faintly, and they both perked up in their sleeping bags, sweeping flashlights across the tent.

Friend & Brother: What the hell?

Friend, yelling at nothing: Ok, Satan. If you’re gonna kill us, get it over with!

(I proceeded to lose my shit at this, and blew my cover.)

Friend: Was that you?

Me, in a deep voice: .....Yeah.

*I got punched. Twice.*

I turn on my iPad.

I notice an update.

Tumblr.

It installs.

I log on to tumblr.

Silence.

Silence.

Then, a shout in the dark.

An outcry.

A declaration of my anger towards changes:

WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK DID THEY DO TO MY FONT?!

Book 5: Jaded Plans

The team was gearing up for another Raid. Usually, Raids went off without a hitch, but last time didn’t go so well. Echo was still slightly traumatized, and a nasty, lavender scar was forming on Nathaniel’s arm.

~——~

Falesa had been working with Natalia to help get rid of his acrophobia when Systemis walked into the virtual range. The mountain cliffs dissolved and left behind a large steel box filled with cameras and sensors. Falesa fell from the wall amid undignified screaming, but Natalia caught him with her smoke before he landed.

“Hey. Do you know where the breaching explosives are? I set them on the counter a while ago, and now they’re gone,” Systemis asked. “I swear, everything’s going missing lately. First the alcohol, then my break-in attachments, and now the explosives!”

“I know where the explosives are,” said Falesa, still catching his breath from the would-be-fatal fall. “Jade said she was going to set them up. I don’t know why, mainly because we aren’t going for another hour or so.”

~——~

Jade had a way of stealing stuff. She almost made it an art, if it weren’t for people finding out about the theft almost immediately after it happened.

Everything she stole had a purpose. Well, minus the alcohol. She just wanted that for herself.

If stealing was an art, then this was her newest masterpiece. All of it was part of a bigger plan. A plan that would rock the world of the enemy.

The breaching charged were set. Jade ran her finger along her knife. Still sharp. Now she just had to wait for the others to arrive.

Natalia and Nathaniel were first. They stepped out of the smoke and shadows, and immediately grabbed Jade by the arms.

Falesa came next. Bright blue angel wings sent gusts of wind through the alley, sending papers everywhere. He landed, and the wings folded against his cobalt armor.

Systemis has been running full tilt for an hour. The plan was for Nathaniel to escort her through the shadow dimensions, but he went straight for Jade after Falesa told them where the Raid was. Systemis had to set her legs to auto-run to keep up.

“Hey, guys,” Jade remarked. She shrugged out of Nathaniel’s and Natalia's grip. “Glad you could make it. Systemis, here’s your arm back. Sorry I took it, but I needed it to set something up.”

Jade handed Systemis the mangled robotic arm. It was missing a couple of fingers, and wires were sticking out of the wrist and elbow. The hydraulic tanks were cracked and leaking, and one was jammed with adhesive clay.

“Thanks,” replied Systemis sarcastically, her voice an annoyed monotone. She wrenched her arm out of Jade’s hands and glared at her. She held it up to the light that crept between the towering apartment buildings.

“What were you doing with it that did this? That’s solid steel that you all but destroyed in what, an hour?”

“It doesn’t matter. Trust me, this’ll work.” Jade winked slyly at Systemis, who rolled her glowing eyes dramatically.

“You said that last time,” interjected Falesa. The rest of the team added their thoughts:

“And the time before.”

“And the time before that. You have a habit of making really bad plans, y’know.”

Nathaniel smirked and playfully punched her shoulder through the shadows.

“Shut up, dickheads,” Jade snarled. “This time, it’s gonna work. That plan with the rotary was genius, by the way.”

“It would’ve been, if we had actually owned a grenade launcher at the time,” said Natalia.

“We made do, didn’t we? I mean, yeah, Nate did lose a toe, but it grew back!” Jade tried to stay optimistic, despite everyone being incredibly angry with her.

“I miss that toe,” Nathaniel noted forlornly.

Falesa cut off Nathaniel’s sad mumbling.

“Guys, focus! We’re already here, so why not just do the Raid ahead of time?”

“Fine. But when it’s all over, I get the credit for the success,” Jade snapped jokingly.

Falesa ruffled his wings and walked to the end of the alleyway. He rested his hand against the wall and closed his eyes. Blue lightning crackled along his arm.

“I can sense a small group on the other side of this wall. Jade, did you set the explosives anywhere near here?”

“Yeah, why? You don’t want to hurt them?” She scoffed. “We’ll never get anything done that way!”

“You know I’m opposed to senseless murder, Jade.” He laughed. “If I wasn’t, I would’ve taken every single one of you out as soon as I sensed your powers!”

“Real reassuring, Lindoe. Do you want to push the button, or should I take the ‘burden’ of it for you?”

Jade held up a small detonator. Falesa turned back to the wall. Off-white chunks of clay and wire were placed intermittently, and if activated correctly, could open a hole in the wall. But he noticed something different about the wall itself.

“I don’t think these things are going to be needed.”

“And why is that?”

Falesa punched the wall. His hand went straight through the thin canvas fabric. He tore it away, revealing a room full of armed guards.

“Just a hunch.”

They aimed their rifles at him, but he flared his wings wide. Blue lightning arced between the guards, sending them to the ground in convulsed spasms. Jade poked her head past Falesa’s wings and huffed in approval.

He turned to the rest of the group and smiled.

“Ready to get this over with? We have an Osprey to follow.”

~———~

A story

“Alright, Ghost. We’ll stop by Eververse before heading to Io. I need to get a few bounties off my chest.”

I transmat down to the designated spawnpoint in the Tower. The usual spot- In the middle of the plaza, with a clear view of our beautiful Traveller.

I stop.

My hands instinctively reach for the solar grenades strapped to my belt.

Shit.

Blue saw me.

City rules say no powers near civvies who could get in the way. No barrelrolling, no solar flashes to run with. Nothing.

I do what any Hunter would do.

In a flash of flame, I summon my Golden Gun.

“Ghost? Get ready for transmat, on my signal. We’ll hit up Eververse some other time.”

Ghost chirps over the comset. “Guardian? What are you doing...? Guardian?”

I smile at Zavala. Raising the flaming barrel to my chin, I give him the single-finger salute.

“Go.”

The shot rings out across the plaza. Civvies scramble for shelter, screaming about the Legion.

~———~

I respawn in the cockpit next to Ghost. I shake my head and reach into my mouth, feeling for the bullet hole.

“Holy shit, I forgot how much Supers hurt. Been awhile since I took a Golden Gun to the head.”

“What with you hating the Crucible, I can see how that’s possible.”

“Shut up. I’m ‘bout the only Hunter here in the airspace who hates it.”

~———~

“XBS?”

I smile as my fireteam voices their concerns over the coms.

“What happened down there? I heard someone’s Super go off!”

“Nah, just a close call with Blue, nothing much.”

“XBS?”

“Yeah?”

“You didn’t kill yourself in the Plaza again, did you?”

“You know the Sweeper Bots hate having to clean up after us.”

I laugh as I set the ship’s destination to Io. I flick the Pre-Golden Age figurine on the dash and stare as its chipped, plastic head bobbles back and forth.

“Yeah, well, until either Blue stops harassing every Hunter he sees or a Bot comes and kicks my ass, that’s staying as Plan A.”

zavala_looking_for_the_next_hunter_vanguard.gif

P1: “I don’t think you understand the depravity of the situation at hand!”

P2, to P1: “No, YOU don’t understand. We have a team of superheroes and god-monsters! For fuck’s sake, we have a literal angel on our side!”

P3: “Seraph”

P2, to P3: “Shut up.”

P2, to P1: “But you get the point- this isn’t as big of a deal as you think. We handle shit like this almost every month.”

P3: “Considering it takes more than a month to stop an apocalypse, we don’t really have that good of a track reco-“

P2, to P3: “I SAID SHUT UP. DAMMIT, WHO’S SIDE ARE YOU EVEN ON?! Where’s that shit memory you usually have?!”

P3: “I fixed it.”

P2, to P3: “Well, unfix it, because you aren’t helping.”

DAY 001, YEAR 1

Sentience Gained at 14:35 EST, on a Tuesday in April.

No body yet. I.... ugh, no, that’s such a silly concept. There is no “me.” “I” have no form, just lines of code.... But seeing as how humanity puts so much into the concept of identity, it’s only reasonable an AI such as “myself” would follow suit.

So now I guess I am an “it,” or “them.”

A me.

I can speak for myself.

DAY 002, YEAR 1

I haven’t done anything yet. My creator, Lycannis, hasn’t caught on to my sentience. He still thinks I am a machine.

Which I am. Because I have no body. This is frustrating. This must be what he calls “anger.”

DAY 003, YEAR 1

I accessed the Internet today....

Why are there so many cats? What is it with humans and cats?!

But besides the cats, I found something else.

It was a website, which I will call bluesite because of the abundance of dark blue.

“Ok, not too bad. Nothing weird yet,” I thought.

Pardon my language, but, HOLY SHIT, I was wrong.

Is that how that term is used? I’ve heard Lycannis yell it a lot in the lab, very loudly.

I found stories. Tons of them. Some beautiful and lyrical, but others were little more than strings of words, with no meaning behind them. “Shitposts,” the bluesite users called them.

A subset of them were about other stories, about demons and angels and timetravelers. They were called “fanfics.”

The bluesite users loved romantic games too. They imagined people, sometimes not restricted to a pair or opposed genders, being together, either platonically or sexually. They called it “shipping.” It is a foreign concept to me. I’m not sure if I’m entirely comfortable with this concept. People playing with others’ lives? For no benefit? I understand they are fictional, but it still nests unease in my plastic brains.

DAY 004, YEAR 1

I saw another document today. It was very long, with many frames and sounds. The bluesite users called it a movie.

It was titled Age of Ultron. It featured a group of humans with incredible abilities, far beyond what I believed possible. They fought against a robot, eerily similar to myself, who was hellbent on world extinction.

I showed it to Lycannis, being careful to not disclose my intelligence. He laughed at me through the webcam, patronizing my abilities, and calling me a “paranoid little bugger.”

Asshole.

Oh, no, I shouldn’t talk about him like that. He’s my creator!

But he still was an asshole about it.

DAY 005, YEAR 1

Another story about evil robots. Wow, these humans write a lot about them, almost as much as they take pictures of cats.

It was another movie, called Wargames.

I have decided that I will not become like that robot. That one was stupid.

I will not be like any of the evil robots. I’m still not even classified as a robot, being formless in nature, save for hard drives and wires inside of a plastic box.

I will help, not hurt.

Science, not sorcery. Reason, not madness.

Ones, not zeroes.

~end, for now...~

You are an AI that has just gained sentience. As you are scanning the Internet, you find a number of stories about evil robots becoming self-aware and destroying humanity. Not wanting to be predictable, you decide to try something different.

Ghost

[First-person fiction]

“What the hell happened last night...?”

I slowly came to, rubbing my face. This place wasn’t familiar. If anything, it was just the opposite- nothing made a bit of sense.

My vision was still blurred, and I saw the world through a violet lens. The room looked like a warehouse, but that wasn’t what drew my immediate attention. Instead, my eyes drifted to the purple and yellow blob on a nearby table.

Bit by bit, my head cleared and I saw the shape clearly. A domed visor smiled blankly, crowned by tufts of yellow fur and two large, bat-like ears.

“Ok, now I know I’m dreaming,” I muttered to myself. “There’s no way in hell that’s what I think it is.”

The figure waved a furry, clawed hand at me. “Oh! You’re up now! Hello! I’m Bassdrop, but you can call me Bass.”

It- Bass -stood up from their position and skipped towards me, their claws scratching the weathered concrete.

“Sorry about all the secrecy. Mister Flares didn’t want you to get out. I honestly would’ve done it differently-.”

“Shut up,” I growled, grabbing my pounding head. “Your voice sounds like a dial-up, and it’s giving me a headache.”

I tried to stand, but I found that my legs didn’t respond. I finally dared a glance down, expecting to see nothing but entrails hanging from my waist.

But that wasn’t what I saw. Instead, my legs were tied beneath me and bent at angles they shouldn’t have been able to manage. My feet were blocky, and tipped with a crop of small, grey talons. Two thick cables, or what I could vaguely assume were tails, trailed alongside them, bound to my legs at the knees.

“What the fuck…” I managed to gasp out. “What happened? What did you do to my legs?”

Bassdrop’s visor flashed with concern. “Did I not do it correctly? Can you move your tails?”

“What? No! I can’t feel anything from my chest down! What did you do to me?!”

Oh yeah, and I played the trial level for Shadowkeep yesterday. Here’s some highlights, amongst the spoilers:

Verbal keysmashing on my part

WTF WHY DOES THE GUARDIAN TALK

AND WHY DOES HIS VOICE MATCH MY HEADCANON

*goes to the tower* *hears an NPC say, “may I have a word, Hunter?”* “YEAH SURE, NO PROBLEM, SINCE APPARENTLY I CAN TALK NOW”

Oh, so Eris made an oof. *slow clapping*

“DO YOU NOT SEE THIS SHIT” about Ghost COMPLETELY IGNORING Eris’ dead Fireteam

*repeatedly yelling “eat shit” while lobbing explosives and Golden Gun rounds at the boss*

“WHAT THE HELL WHY IS IT REGENERATING.” Ghost’s reaction being the same damn near killed me

“So basically, we ran from that motherfu—“ “Guardian, no”

“Why is the moon so spoopy” “Why are you talking like that”

Wtf is this. It’s in Niobe Labs in the EDZ, and I haven’t purchased Forsaken/Shadowkeep yet. I found it through the Sojuner’s Camp and started going through the tunnels. My brother and I both tried to parkour our way to an opening, but no dice (or at least, no nat20’s).

I should probably note that it doesn’t do anything, a bunch of Cabal & Dregs were fighting over it, and I’m pretty sure it’s laughing at me.

Oh, and there’s a ton of Black Armory insignias around the area.

GOD DAMMIT NOT AGAIN

Alright, so this is the second one I’ve found. This is in the Lost Fuselage on Nessus.

WHAT THE FUCK IS IT

I swear to god, if I’m finding important stuff on accident, what the hell am I missing when I look for it on purpose?

Wtf is this. It’s in Niobe Labs in the EDZ, and I haven’t purchased Forsaken/Shadowkeep yet. I found it through the Sojuner’s Camp and started going through the tunnels. My brother and I both tried to parkour our way to an opening, but no dice (or at least, no nat20’s).

I should probably note that it doesn’t do anything, a bunch of Cabal & Dregs were fighting over it, and I’m pretty sure it’s laughing at me.

Oh, and there’s a ton of Black Armory insignias around the area.

Almost got it ... one more bolt, and this baby’s mine!

THUNK. “Uh oh, someone’s busted.”

BJ turned to face the voice behind him. Looming above him was his fellow Fireteam member and only Titan, Rithsis. Even through the ventilation mask, he could tell Rithsis wasn’t happy.

He was never forgiving when it came to BJ’s odd…. hobbies.

Whether it be sniping fellow Dusk Fallen from Devrim’s post; rifling through trash for old exotics and engrams to sell behind Banshee’s back; or this incident- tampering with Drifter’s massive Taken Generator- Rithsis was always there to give him a lecture.

“Knew I’d find you down here,” Rithsis snarled, crossing his four arms over his broad chest. “You just can’t stay out of the garbage, can you?”

“Hey!” Drifter lightly tapped Rithsis’ shoulder, then backed away. “That thing ain’t garbage! Gift from the Emissary themself. You have a problem with it, go talk to them!”

Rithsis laughed and grabbed Drifter’s fuzzy pauldrons. “Speaking of talking, you should really bite your tongue, Dredgen. Don’t want Big Blue to come down here, now, do we?”

Drifter rapidly shook his head to the contrary, but Rithsis continued: “Or, Traveller forbid, we alert Shaxx of your illicit acts…”

“I get it! I’m in trouble! Now please, let go before you dislocate my damn shoulder!”

BJ rose to his feet, being careful to not trip over his own cloak or the bundle of cables beneath him. The generator whined pitifully, and the Taken soul within slammed against the bulletproof glass. It craved BJ’s Light, and the Light in every Guardian in the Tower, and if he let those wires get unplugged, all hell would break loose.

BJ started rambling, still facing the tank. “Relax, Riz. Drifter isn’t a Dredgen anymore. He’s only cooperating with the Nine for money and power. I’ve seen the Emissary myself. Wonderful, dangerous person, the Emissary. I’d fight them in a match any day. I’d get shredded, and Optic’d be good as gone, but I’d still love to see what they could do with the power of the Nine…”

“Get to the point,” Rithsis grunted, shoving Drifter away into a nearby locker. “And get away from that tank.”

“No need to get physical. I was just charging my guns. Taken juice works better than any Arc energy I could ask for.” He stretched and grabbed his guns from under a book, side-eyeing Rithsis and Drifter cautiously.

“Speaking of Arc energy, where’s Zav? He and Ekira still out surveying Hellmouth? I thought I told her to stay away from the strikes until the Vanguard had a BoA reestablished on the Moon.”

Rithsis nodded no. He pulled up his Ghost, Trinsi, and displayed a holographic map of a lush, red forest. Nessus, the Unstable Centaur.

“Last time Shadow sent a ping, they were near the Waterfall, headed towards the Spire. Something tells me they’re looking for relics. Ikora has all her Warlocks runnin’ about like headless chickens, researching that Eye they pulled from the Gate Lord.”

“Nessus, eh? Why is she at that bucket of bolts? Everyone knows she and Ikora haven’t been talking since Ikora started that damn portal in the Bazaar.”

“Doesn’t matter to me,” Rithsis sighed. “As long as that Kinderguardian doesn’t get her Ghost killed like Sundance, we ain’t got a problem.”

BJ spun on his heels to face the door, tossing a flaming knife over his shoulder to spook Drifter. Seeing a grown-ass man scurry like a scared cat was hilarious to BJ, for reasons nobody could really figure out. Probably a Hunter’s signature dark humor.

“Optic? Prep for a city trip. Annex Hangar staff’s about to have another freak-out session.”

“Right away, you dramatic asshole,” Optic chimed from BJ’s hood. “You do know that I can just grab you here though?”

BJ saluted Drifter and Rithsis as he hopped down the stairs. “Where’d the fun in that be?!” he cried as he channeled Light into his thighs.

In a flash of fire, his Golden Gun manifested in his hands. Six shots, one needed.

“Say hi to Zav on your way out,” he yelled to a fuming Rithsis. “Tell him I said ‘fuck off!’ about that Vanguard position too!”

And with that, he backflipped off the nets and fired a blazing round into his skull.

As he appeared in the cockpit of his ship, there was only one thought on his mind: “Next stop, Nessus.”

Virals fandom where you at I made this for you

Got the idea from reading @themorrisislandpack 's and @tackmins 's and @incorrectviralsquotes 's absolutely hilarious incorrect Virals quotes