Liandrin Sedai X Reader - Tumblr Posts

Secrets and Candor

Chapter 1 : Secrets

Pairing: Laindrin Sedai/Reader

Word Count: about 1800

Warning: Some violence, not really anything bad

Summary: Instead of Nynaeve you find Liandrin and her son, you want to help her. Will she let you? Chapter 2

(Also made a playlist for Liandrin)

A/n: Heyy, I'm back!!! This time not with Moiraine but with Laindrin. I'm just loving Kate Fleetwood atm and Liandrin is super hot ;). Hope someone will like this! Would love a comment, repost or like <3

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You hadn't meant to intrude, and you hadn't meant to upset her. You had merely meant to check that she wouldn't do anything stupid.

You had been walking through the corridor when Liandrin had passed you, hoded and suspiciously fast. Your eyes had followed her and you had seen a little ampoule in her left hand. It was filled with a red substance you recognised as chrimsonthorn. In a high doses deadly. What the hell was she doing with chrimsonthorn?

As she had rounded the corner you had followed her. You had meant to catch up with her and just ask her, but she had been too fast and everytime you had rounded a corner you had simply seen the end of her coat around the next corner. She was too fast. And when you had cought up it was too late to simply ask

You rounded the last corner and suddenly stood in front of an open door. One look inside made you regret having followed Liandrin. She was sat on the side of a bed the hand of an old, very sick man I hers. She was talking to him and stood up, walked over to a little table and put some chrimsonthorn in a carafe and poured boiling hot water on top.

"Now, you must try and get some of this down. It'll take the edge off the pain." Her voice was softer than you had ever heard it before. She moved gently, and tenderly cared for him. Helping him drink some of the chrimsonthorn tea and gently holding his head up.

"There, there, there. Yes, shh. That's better, this is better. Shh." She put the drink down and gently put the mans head down again. She looked at him with pure love and care, and you moved a little closer to the doorframe. Feeling drawn in by her gentleness.

Suddenly she looked up and towards the door and spotted you. Her features immediately hardened and you could nearly see her panic. She straightened up, never letting the man's hand go.

"What are you doing here?" Her voice lacked her usual strength and confidence. It was wavering, slightly breaking. She was definitely panicking.

"The chrimsonthorn, I saw you and I thought you were going to do something stupid." You gently said, already regretting all the decisions you had made in the past fifteen minutes.

"Walk away from this place before I do something we both regret." Her tone was icy and theoretically left no room for arguments, but you weren't just anyone. You looked at her sadly, seeing that -whoever he was- the man meant something to her. And with Liandrin that was rare.

"He's in pain." You gently said and stepped into the room, yet still close to the door. She turned away a little but her eyes remained on you.

"You think I don't know that? I can't heal him." The man wasn't the only one in pain, that was clear by the tone of her voice. Her lip was trembling, like she was holding back tears.

"His hand, it's spasming." You slowly, carefully stepped closer, and her eyes widened at the movement. She was surprised at how bold you were, most people were afraid of her. But you weren't most people and you weren't afraid of her. Especially not if she was in pain, you simply wanted to help.

"It means the pain is in his heart, too. The chrimsonthorn won't help with that. He'll still be hurting when you go." Your tone was gentle, simply explaining, never judging. She looked down at him, panic rising in her. She hadn't known that.

"You need tumeric milk to help smooth the inflammation and I could..." she didn't let you talk any further as her hand shot up and she slapped you right across the face.

"Get out! Before I kill you, you get out!" You looked at her a little surprised. She had screamed the words and yet her voice was cracking, it was thin.

"Liandrin, please let me-" You started again, desperately wanting to help her. You saw her lip tremble, she was close to breaking down in tears. You wanted to reach out, hug her, help her.

"Get out, you stupid woman. Get out, get out!" She cried, the tears now standing in her eyes, threatening to fall. In her desperation she wanted to channel, hit you against the wall, something, anything but you stopped it. Shutting her weave off before it could even really build.

You wanted to help, but saw that it was to no avail and left her be. For now.

Leaving through the corridors near the room, you could hear her cry and apologise to the man. It broke your heart.

A few days had passed since the encounter between you and Liandrin. And it was all you could think about. It was not unusual for Liandrin to spit fire and threaten or insult people. But there had been more to her behaviour. She wasn't simply angry. She had been scared, afraid. She had broken down crying for heaven's sake. That was very unusual for her.

The thought to talk to her had crossed your mind, but something held you back. Not fear. You didn't fear Liandrin Sedai, unlike most. But you didn't want to push her, to cross her boundaries after her previous reaction. And yet, you wanted to help.

The decision was taken from you as Liandrin walked through the door and sat down on the chair without looking at you, or saying anything.

"Liandrin?" At first you didn't understand why she had come until you saw the wound. It wasn't particularly big or dangerous, any Aes Sedai could have healed it. Still, she had come to you. Maybe she did want to talk?

"If you say anything to anyone, I will kill you."

Alright, no talking then, threatening again. You had just started to heal her wound. It didn't take long and a few second later you were already done.

"Liandrin, this is ridiculous." You simply answer as you took your hands back from the wound and your weaves subside. Your words make her look up at you, albeit just for a moment.

"I have no reason to tell anyone about what I saw. I don't even know who the man was. Why would I use this against you? I wanted to explain to you what to do, help ease his pain, because I wanted to help, not get information. I know it's hard for you, but just sometimes, try to trust people."

You see her eyes widen ever so slightly at your last words. Without a word she stands up and goes two steps towards the door. She doesn't turn around, doesn't look at you. But she stops walking for a second.

"He's my son." And she's gone.

The words can't seem to leave your mind. They nearly drive you crazy. You have no explanation for any of the things that happened in the last few days, and you don't actually need one. All you know is, that you want to help. And now, knowing what he means to Liandrin, even more so.

It's late, the corridors are empty and the novices are asleep. You meet no one on your way to Liandrin's room. Thankfully so. As you stand there, looking at the wooden door you hesitate. Should you do this? Are you going too far? She had made it very clear that she wanted you as far away from her son as possible.

Your wish to help did win in the end. You gently knocked and stepped back a little from the door. It didn't take long until you heard soft footsteps and a moment later the door opened.

Liandrin's face appeared, she looked like she had already been ready for bed. Her hair was down and fell over her shoulders completely, her make up was gone and she wasn't wearing her usual clothes anymore. A pale red linen shirt was messily tugged into a pair of dark red trousers. The upper button of the shirt was open and exposed an unusual amount of skin. Your eyes flickered down for a short moment. You weren't sure, if she had noticed.

She looked beautiful, younger, carefree. At least until she fully realised who was outside her room. Her features hardened immediately and she straightened up.

"What do you want?"

"I want to talk."

She immediately tried to shut the door but you reacted fast and held it open. She glared at you, like trying to threaten you just with her eyes.

"Liandrin, please." You persisted and stepped forward. Even if she would have tried she wouldn't have been able to shut the door now. Your body blocked it.

Wordless she turned around and kept the door open. You took it as an invitation to follow, so you did. Gently you closed the door behind you. Liandrin slowly turned around, you had to admit that it looked quiet scary, like an animal ready to fight. And yet, you weren't afraid of her. Her stare was icy and she held her chin high, proud.

You could see through her, she felt vulnerable. Afraid, and she didn't like that you saw her like this. Without her facade of clothes, make up and her usual strict hair.

You took a step forward and she immediately took a step back. You sighed.

"Liandrin, I want to help." Her gaze softened for a moment before she scoffed.

"You stupid woman. Why do you think I would ever trust you?" Her tone was low and steady, yet full of rage and hatred. You thought about your words thoroughly before speaking.

"I already told you, I don't want information. I now know he's your son," she slightly jumped at the mention of her son, "because you told me." You emphasised that last part and held her gaze.

"I don't even want to know anything else. I don't expect you to tell me what happened or why it's the way it is. I just want to help ease his pain. I could accompany you once a week. It'll only take a few minutes." She turned her face away, didn't look you in the eye anymore. You could practically see her think.

"I assume you used the tumeric milk I suggested, cause you're not stupid. You're just afraid." You knew how risky it was to say something like that to Liandrin, but you didn't care.

She looked down and slowly steped closer to you. Her eyes met yours, though hers were filled with rage. You liked how close she was. Why did you like it?

"I will-..." She started talking, tone icy. You interrupted her immediately.

"I'm not scared of you, Liandrin." You stayed calm, held her gaze, didn't shy away. You wanted to reach out, stroke her cheek, take her hand, something. But you didn't. Though it didn't seem to be necessary. She stepped back, looked away and talked.

"I'll get you at dawn. One word to anyone and-..."

"...you'll kill me. I know." You smiled slightly, turned around and left her be. Though not without a last glance at her form, at her carefree state. She met your eyes, confusion just slightly apparent in them and you left.

Whatever had just happened in there, you took it as a win.

Secrets and Candor

Chapter 2 : Emerging Love

Pairing: Laindrin Sedai x Reader

Word Count: about 1400

Warning: none, really

Summary: You're helping Laindrin's son and realise some things Chapter 3

(Also made a playlist for Liandrin)

A/n: Hope you liked the first Chapter, here's the second one. There'll be one more!!

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You were in the middle of getting dressed when someone knocked. You turned to the door and bid her in. Liandrin hesitantly stepped in, it nearly seemed like she was unsure of herself. Of how to act.

"Could you help me? I'll just need the corset tied and then I'm ready." You asked and turned your back to her. You heard her slowly approach and without a word she tied your corset and stepped back again.

When you turned around you looked at her properly. She was in her usual red attire, red dress with a dark corset. Her lipstick was darker than usual, her hair even stricter than other days. It felt harder, like a defence mechanism, to hide vulnerability and seem stronger.

"Lead the way." You gently said and smiled, as you realised that she didn't move a bit and just stared at you. Your words seemed to have pulled her back to reality, her features hardened, her eyes grew colder and she turned to leave the room. You followed.

You walked in complete silence. Liandrin walked fast and didn't once turn to look for you. It felt like she wanted you to loose her, but you kept up with her and never lost sight of her.

The streets were still empty, most shops were still closed and little people seemed to even be awake. It was apparent why Liandrin had chosen this time to visit her son.

Just around the corner of her sons room she stopped walking so abruptly you nearly walked right into her. She turned around sharply and stared at you. Her eyes were threatening you more than words ever could have and yet you saw fear in them. She still didn't really trust you.

"It's okay, Liandrin. I know." You simply said and nodded slightly. And it was the truth, you knew her fear and her vulnerabilities but also all the threats on the tip of her tongue, all the insults and the rage.

You slowly pushed past her and approached the door. Just as you wanted to open the door she was next to you and slapped your hand away from the door handle. You looked up at her surprised.

Wordless she opened the door and entered first. It was incredibly fascinating to see her whole demeanour shift. Her features softened, her whole body sank a little. She looked less proud, less cold.

She approached the bed and gently sat down on the side of it, just like she had the first time you had seen her here. She took her sons hand in hers and stroked it.

"Hello, my love. Wake up, my darling. I'm sorry I didn't come for so long. I brought someone with me. She wants to help you, ease the pain a bit. I'm so sorry I didn't do this before, I didn't want to leave you in pain. I'm sorry." Her voice cracked slightly at the last words, you didn't comment on it. You didn't say anything, just patiently waited by the door. Her gentleness and tender care for him amazed you, never before had to seen this side of her.

She stood up and came over to you. She stood beside you but didn't look at you.

"Be quick about it." She said, voice harder again. But by far not as cold as usual. You nodded and stepped to the bed. His hand was spasming again and you wished to reach for it, but didn't dare to. Afraid that Liandrin would immediately throw you out.

You closed your eyes and reached out, your hands hanging in the air above him. You concentrated and felt the source, felt the power run through you, felt the weaves building around you. You opened your eyes again and watched the weaves weave around the man and do their work. You concentrated them mostly on his heart, because that was where he had the most pain.

It only took a couple of minutes and as you were finished the effect was immediately apparent. He relaxed into the bed and his hand stopped spasming. His features stoftened. You turned to look at Liandrin, smiling gently. You opened your mouth to say something, but she was faster.

"Leave." Her tone was hard, cold. But her eyes were fixated on her son. You wanted to stay, be there for her. Something inside you screamed at you to talk back. Everything in you felt a need to comfort her, be close to her. You nodded and left her alone with her son.

Without ever talking about it a routine had settled. Every week, the same day, the same time -always at dawn- she came to your room and together you visited her son. She never left you alone with him, always observing you, looking over your shoulder like she feared you'd hurt him if did ad much as blink.

You would ease his pain and the second you were finished she would throw you out. Though week by week, she let you stay a little longer. Not much, just mere seconds, but she seemed to accept your presence more and more. Her son seemed much more relaxed and, though you didn't know for sure, you were sure Liandrin did as well.

Week after week you observed more and more of her time alone with her son. Where she had sent you out immediately the first time, she send you out when she had already approached the bed in later weeks. Though always with the same hard and icy tone. Out of her mouth it almost sounded like you had insulted her, not helped her.

You had finished weaving and Liandrin approached the bed, she gently sat down again and leaned closer to her son, taking his hand. She hadn't ordered you to leave yet, so you took that opportunity and stayed. Silently standing next to the bed.

"My darling..." She whispered and smiled. You weren't sure if you had ever seen her genuinely smile. It immediately made you smile as well, your heart fluttering. You realised you always wanted to make her smile. You wanted to be the reason for her happiness. As the realisation settled in your mind, Liandrin looked up and scoffed.

"Why are you still standing there? Haven't you learned by now to leave?" She nearly spit the words out. You were pulled out of your thoughts and opened your mouth to say something but thought better of it. You turned on your heel and left.

The next week, everything went by as usual. Liandrin was outside your room at dawn, you walked in silence, she entered the room and talked to her son very quickly. You channelled to ease his pain and stepped back as you were finished. She sat down on the bed and took his hand. You turned to leave, not wanting to upset her again like the week before. But before you could leave the room she spoke up.

"Stay." You felt a spark inside of you and tried to hide a smile. Slowly you turned around again and looked at her patiently for an explanation. Her eyes were fixated on her son, and she didn't look up even as she spoke.

"Why? Why do you do this?" The question surprised you. You could hear that she had tried to sound like her usual confident and icy self but failed miserably. Her voice was thinner than usual and she sounded vulnerable. You wanted to step closer again but she ordered you to stay back. Her voice having regained some of its coldness. So you stayed back.

"Liandrin, I'm part of the yellow ajah for a reason. I have always wanted to be a healer, help people..." you wanted to hide the actual reason you were doing this. The reason that had always been there since the beginning but had just grown over the weeks. But Liandrin interrupted you sharply.

"Cut the shit. Why do you do this?" Her voice cut sharply through the previous gentleness. You sighed.

"I'm not sure you're ready for that conversation." Was your simple answer, and it actually made her look up. Her eyes widened and she looked nearly offended. No one ever dared to talk to her like that. You could see she wanted to say something but you didn't give her a chance. You left without another word. She looked after you and kept her eyes on the empty spot where you had stood just mere seconds ago for quiet some time after you had left. Her eyes filled with deep betrayal.

Outside the building you leaned against a wall and took a deep, shaky breath. It was a dangerous game the two of you were playing.

Secrets and Candor

Chapter 3 : Candor

Pairing: Laindrin Sedai x Reader

Word Count: about 2000

Warning: some violence, but not much; mention of bad and abusive past (bust just minor)

Summary: You're finally truthful to Liandrin

(Also made a playlist for Liandrin)

A/n: Last Chapter!! Really hope you liked it! Maybe I'll write more for Liandrin <3 I definitely also have a Moiraine fiction planned

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You regretted what you had said. You did almost the second you had left the room. You should have been honest with her, she - albeit in parts against her will - had opened up to you. She had let you into a part of her life that was a complete secret. You owed her just as much candor.

It was all you could think about for the week. Liandrin never left your mind, your dreams or your heart. Her look of utter disbelief and...betrayal? as you had just left her haunted you.

Despite the haunting thoughts the week past quickly and it was time to visit her son again. At dawn you were ready and waited in your room patiently. And you waited. And some more.

After a time you saw fit to wait you left your room. Liandrin was never late. It wasn't in her nature to be late. You rushed through the corridors to her room, a little panicked. Afraid that something was wrong, something had happened.

You knocked on her door. No response. You knocked a little louder. Nothing. Gently you opened the door and stepped inside.

"Liandrin? Are you there?" You asked into the empty room. She wasn't there. No trace of her. You quickly scanned the room. Her clothes, usually draped over a chair were gone, her hod was gone. You had an idea where she was.

You let your eyes wander over her room once more. It smelled like her, it smelled tart and yet fresh, like flowers. You took a deep breath and closed the door.

You made your way through Tar Valon, keeping your head down, trying to not get anyone's attention. Just like Laindrin usually did. You knew how important it was to her to keep her son a secret and you respected that.

As you rounded the corner and stood in front of the open door, you saw Liandrin inside. Again sitting on the side of the bed, her sons hand in hers. Silently you stepped in.

"Liandrin." You gently say, trying not to startle her. You knew she had heard you, yet she didn't look up. Her eyes were fixated on her son. You stepped a little closer.

"Why didn't you come and get me?" You asked and looked a little surprised as she scoffed. Her eyes were still directed to her son, even as she spoke. Her voice was quiet but full of cold rage. You hadn't heard that tone for some weeks now. You had thought she had warmed up to you. Slightly at least.

"You lied to me." You were taken aback. Not just by her icy tone, but by her words. When had you lied to her? You searched for words, but stumbled over them. Your helplessness to find words was like a confirmation to her. She slowly stood up, gently letting the hand of her son go and approached you.

For the first time ever, the look in her eyes frightened you. But not because she frightened you, but because you were afraid that she'd shut you out again. That you'd fall apart.

"Liandrin...I don't know-..." you started talking, but she cut you off. You could feel her start to channel and you were so perplexed by the unfolding of recent events that you couldn't stop her. Without a warning you felt your back hit the wall. She could have used more power, let you smash against the wall. She merely shoved you, a sign for you to still have hope. She wasn't fully behind this.

And yet you were pressed against the wall, not able to move. She approached you, taking elegant and slow steps towards you. Even though you were being threatened by her you felt a rush go through you. The way she looked at you, the way she walked and her hips moved distracted you for a moment.

"I was just starting to trust you, and you lied to me." Her voice was deep, trembling with rage. Your eyes flickered down to her hand, she held it steadily to keep her power on you.

"Liandrin, I didn't lie. What are you talking about?" You desperately tried to explain, find out what was going on.

"Don't lie again!" She screamed, stopping just in front of you. She was as angry as the day you had found her here for the first time.

"I asked you why you did this, why you helped. And you didn't even have the guts to tell me the truth." You turned your face away slightly, though she immediately directed it back to look at her. Her lips were pressed together in a thin line. You were getting tired of this as you had understood what her problem was.

So you showed her power. With a swift motion you broke free and Liandrin fell backwards, though you cought her mid air. As you straightened the both of you up, your face was incredibly close to hers.

"You want the truth? I'll tell you the truth, as I should have last week. But I meant what I said. I don't think you're ready for this conversation. And not because I betrayed you, or because I lied. Because I love you." The words stumbled out, it wasn't exactly what you had wanted to say. You hadn't meant to lay your feelings completely open. You had merely meant to make her understand that you truly cared, but now the words were out and you couldn't take them back.

Laindrin's face fell, her icy stare changed into a shocked one. Albeit just for a moment, as she immediately pulled herself back together. She freed herself from your embrace and stepped away from you.

She kept quiet, her lips trembling every time she opened her mouth. But that was the only thing betraying her facade, making her look vulnerable. Her eyes and her demeanour were icy again. She raised her hand to channel again, but it was trembling.

With two steps you were right in front of her again and embraced her hand with yours. Her eyes widened and she looked down at your hands. Gently you stroked the back of her hand with your thumb, just like she always did with her son.

"Please, Liandrin. Let's not do this in front of your son." You gently spoke. She turned around slightly and looked over her shoulder at her son, like she had nearly forgotten his presence and now felt guilty that she acted like this in front of him. She pulled her hand out of yours and went to her son.

Her features stoftened again and she apologised to him, letting him know she'd be back soon. When she turned to you, she had pulled herself together again. The shock was gone and her lip didn't tremble anymore. Proudly she walked past you and left through the corridors. You followed her quietly.

She didn't stop walking until the both of you had reached the tower again. A few times you tried talking to her but she ignored you every time. So you just fell behind and kept quiet.

As you had reached the tower you followed her through it's endless corridors. She stopped in front of her own room and stepped inside. You were surprised she'd let you into such a private environment, if you had guessed it would have been something much more distant. Something secure for her facade.

Slowly you followed her through the door and closed it behind you. She had her back turned to you and seemed to not take any notice of you. You approached her carefully.

"Liandrin?" Hesitantly you reached out wanting to gently lay your hand on her shoulder, but she shot around before you had a chance. She looked like she was seething with anger. She slapped your hand away, making you gasp in surprise.

"Spare me. I don't want your lies and your games. Spare me of your presence." You were shocked. You had told her the truth and yet she didn't believe you. Aes Sedai were easily able to hide things in-between their words, to not lie but also not directly tell the truth. But saying 'I Love you' left no room to ponder or doubt.

"Liandrin, you forget, just like you I'm an Aes Sedai and not able to lie. I meant what I said. Every word." You spoke, carefully emphasising every word. Trying to truly make her understand. She turned her head away, alowly shaking it in disbelief.

"No, you..." She was desperate, caught in her own disbelief that anyone could love her. In a swift motion she had you against the wall again, this time her power held you in the air. "You're a liar." She spit the words out and approached you. Yet, despite her anger you could see that her eyes were glossy.

"Liandrin, I don't lie to you. I would never, from the start I have been thruthful-..." It was hard to get the words out, as the power pressed against your chest. It felt as if it was taking your breath away, the tightness on your chest making it hard to breath properly.

"Why? Why would you love me?" She screamed the words, boiling inside, her whole body trembling with rage. And though it was angry and loud, you felt her insecurities. You realised that she just couldn't believe that anyone would ever love her. It was a deep rooted disbelief and not necessarily a mistrust in you.

"Moiraine, Alanna, their the ones who are loved. I'm Liandrin Guirale, no one loves me..." She said the words like they were posion, like she wanted to poison anyone with them who dared to think otherwise.

"I do." You croaked out. And locked eyes with her, pleading to let you down, to believe you. "Liandrin, please let me down. It's a little hard to breath." You could see something inside her shift, she hadn't meant to hurt you. Suddenly you fell to the floor and Liandrin just stared down at you. Her whole face showed shock, and panic. One, silent tear fell down her cheek.

You slowly got back on your feet and stepped closer to her, she took a step back. You stepped forward, she stepped back. You sighed.

"I-..." she looked down at her hands, eyes wide. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I-...How can you love me? I'm a monster." Her voice was shaking, you wanted to pull her into your embrace, hug her and hold her. But you didn't.

"Liandrin, you're not a monster. Yes, you've been through hard times and your life hasn't been easy. You've built a wall around you, for protection. A wall that often makes you seem cold and angry. But it doesn't make you a bad person. And it certainly doesn't make you undeserving of love." You carefully explained, looking at her with warmth and love. Patiently you waited for her to talk, to react. She didn't answer. She just sobbed silently, not even daring to look at you.

"Liandrin. You're incredible. How could I not love you?" Carefully you got closer, this time she didn't step away. You reached out and took her hand, it was still trembling. You pulled her into your arms and hugged her.

"You deserve more than a broken, mean bitch like me." She whispered into your shoulder. Your hand layed gently on her back, and the other stroked over her hair.

"Shhh, you're none of these things. I love you, however hard that is for you to believe." You pulled back a little and gently cupped her cheeks. Softly you wiped her tears away and smiled at her.

"Look at you, so beautiful." You whispered softly and saw her eyes widen again. Shyly she looked away but you direct her face back to look at you. With her chin between your fingers you tilt her head up a little and gently capture her lips with yours. The kiss didn't last long, it was simply a way of showing her the truth behind your words.

"Now, shall we visit your son? I still have to ease his pain." You said and wanted to turn back to the door as she grabbed your face and crashed her lips onto yours. She pulled you closer, your body pressed to hers and kissed you roughly. As she pulled back she smirked, although still a little shyly.

"Now, we can leave." Her voice had found it's commanding tone again and you chuckled about it as you followed her out of the room.

Lover to Lover

Chapter 1: The Arches

Pairing: Liandrin Sedai x Reader , Alanna Sedai x Reader (platonic)

Word Count: about 3300

Warning: character death, rape, vomiting, choking, bleeding

Summary: You're a novice in the tower and are ready to go through the Arches. You face your biggest fears, past, present and future and have a talk with Liandrin afterwards. Chapter 2

A/n: So, yet another Liandrin fanfic, I'm just absolutely in love with her!! Obviously, she isn't part of the Black Ajah here. Next, I'll probably write a Moiraine fanfic again, which is already in the making. Hope you like it <3

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Alanna stepped forward and helped you take of your dress and your shoes. You stood in front of them in nothing more than your chemise. Before Alanna stepped away with your clothes she leaned a little closer.

"You can do this, don't doubt your ability." You smiled at her weakly and turned around to look at the Arches again. Your hands were trembling, and your heart was racing. There was no doubt about it: you were scared even before you had to face your greatest fears. This is going to be such a disaster, you thought.

"Whatever awaits you, you must face it with nothing but your wits. Not even the one power will be available to you inside the Arches." Sheriam Sedai softly spoke, and you looked at her over your shoulder. All three of them looked like they were just as scared as you, which didn't really lift your spirits.

You saw them close their eyes, concentrate and start to channel. Your eyes found their way back to the Arches.

"The way back will come but once." Sheriam Sedai said behind you and you saw their weaves flow around you and activate the Arches. The ornaments started to glow blue, and it looked like a blurry mirror had replaced the empty air of the first Arch.

You looked over at Alanna, who nodded reassuringly and slowly walked through the Arch. The first thing that you saw was darkness, presumably the ground that you had just fallen onto face first.

Slowly you stood up and knocked the dirt off your clothes. You weren't wearing the white chemise anymore. In its place was a dress in sage green with a white apron tied over it. You recognised the clothes immediately. You had worn them only once, when they had been freshly bought and never again after that day.

You started to panic, you had an idea what you would have to experience again. And you definitely didn't want to. You looked around you, immediately recognising the forest you were in. It was the forest just by the village you had grown up in. It wasn't particularly big but beautiful to walk through, with a little clearing to sit in the grass.

You and your sister had loved exploring the forest when you were little. Looking at all the different plants and flowers, learning what they could do, what they could heal. Observing the birds and animals.

"Faile! Where are you?" You started to scream for your sister, hopeful that it wasn't too late yet. That, with your knowledge, you could still save her. Like a maniac you started to run through the woods and screamed her name again and again. You couldn't find her and secretly thought that maybe you had been wrong about the day. About what was going to happen.

You weren't. Just as you wanted to leave the forest you heard a scream, high-pitched and most definitely from your sister. Your heartbeat increased immediately, and you turned to the direction of the sound. Another scream, and your name. You started running rather uncoordinated and nearly tripped over a stone.

The screams became louder and suddenly you saw her. She lay on the ground between leafs and wood, a hooded man bent over her. His hand was on her throat and Faile was gasping, she obviously couldn't breathe. Her dress was shoved up, and the man moved between her legs. Faile tried to kick him away, but the man held her down. You felt sick, like you had to throw up. Turning away, you tried to tell yourself it wasn't real. But it looked real, it felt real, it was real.

"Don't touch my sister." You shouted, and the man's head shot around, he stopped moving though his hand still strangled Faile. You approached him and tried to get him off of your sister, but he just shoved you away. You felt grown up, but that day in the forest you had just been nine years old. Small and easy to shove away for a grown man. You fell backwards into the mud, tears streaming over your face. A streak of blood flowed down your arm where you had cut yourself on a stone.

Your sister was turning pale, she didn't gasp as much anymore, and you knew what was happening. You had seen it before. Her whole body was trembling, though not for much longer. You screamed for her, for your mother, for your father, hoping they'd hear you. But no one came.

"The way back will come but once." Sheriam Sedai's voice faintly echoed through the woods and you shot around. A few feet behind you an Arch appeared. It was a little translucent and looked like it could disappear any second. The edges glowed blue just like they had in the tower, when the Aes Sedai had activated it. With a panicked look back at your dying sister you stumbled over wood and mud through the Arch and fell onto the stone ground, crying.

Not a second later you felt cold water fall on you. Looking up a little, you saw Leane Sedai through tears. A big stone jug in hand and looking down at you, she spoke.

"You are washed clean of your sins and the sins committed against you. You come to us pure in heart and soul." Leane stepped away, a sob escaped you, and you whispered your sisters name into the cold. She was dead, and dead she would stay. Forever.

Alanna was at your side and helped you stand up. Her eyes conveyed pure sadness and understanding, but her mouth spoke something else.

"You're brave, you have to go on. Through the next Arch." You stared at her, like you had forgotten there even were more Arches. Slowly you looked behind you and saw the other two. Could you really do this again? Tow more times?

"Was it real? Could I have changed something?" You whispered to her, voice still thin and quivering. She gently shook her head.

"No one knows." She let go of your arm and stepped back to her sisters again. You turned to face the second Arch as it started glowing just like the first had done and Sheriam spoke.

"The way back will come but once." The second Arch was ready, and you bravely stepped through it against all your instincts.

For a moment all you saw was light and suddenly, like it hit you right in the face, you knew where you were. You were standing at your sisters grave. Although it was not closed and decorated with flowers like usually, it was open.

Carefully, hesitantly you took a look inside. There wad nothing but dirt. No corpse, that was good. Wasn't it? But why was it open then? You turned and looked around you, there was no one. No one on the whole graveyard. So you started walking in the direction of home. Of your parents, of presumed safety.

You left the graveyard and walked up the little hill that separated the graveyard from the village. It was just a little trail in the grass that people had used for decades. On top of the hill you had a good view of the village, it looked just like always. Just like the last time you had been there. Nothing seemed to have changed at all.

Last time you had sent a message home, your parents had told you everything was fine. Everyone was well. Your brother's apprenticeship with the baker was going well, and he liked the job. Your grandma hadn't gotten any sicker. The village was just like you had left it. Though that last message had been three months ago. A lot could happen in three months, you knew that.

You slowly started walking down the hill towards the village. Half way there you spotted someone. No, not just someone. Your grandmother. She was walking slowly, head down and heavily leaning on a walking stick. You wanted to shout, let her know you were there. But the words got stuck in your throat as you realised who followed her. Six people, one of them your little brother, carrying a wooden board. It was filled with flowers that were overlapping at the sides. Most of them were chrysanthemums, your dads favourite flowers. Between the flowers you could faintly make out the form of a person. It didn't take a lot of hard thinking to understand who that was.

A scream escaped you as you fell to your knees. At that your grandmother looked up and from behind your brother, your mother looked at you. As she saw you, she came running towards you, falling to her knees at your side. She pulled you into her arms rocking you gently as you cried. Her hand softly stroked your back, she didn't ask questions. She didn't ask how you had come here, why you had come, she simply held you.

A few minutes later, your grandma, the six carriers and the rest of the village that followed them walked by you. On shaky legs you stood up, your arm linked with your mother's. Together you followed them to the grave. Your brother and the other five men let the wooden board down and set it next to the grave. In mere seconds your arms were wrapped around your brother. He was crying, you were crying, and suddenly you felt nine again. Taking your big sister to her grave with your little brother by your side. He had been just two at the time, not really understanding anything.

You felt for your grandmother, taking her only son to the grave. That's not how it was supposed to. But, her son had taken a child to her grave as well. Maybe that curse just ran in your family. Maybe that would happen to all of you one day. She stood bravely, didn't cry, didn't complain. She simply embraced you and told you everything would be alright.

"We missed you, little bird." She whispered into the hug and more tears found its way down your cheeks. You freed yourself from the hug and turned to your father's corpse. Just as you wanted to kneel down, say a farewell you heard something.

"The way back will come but once." It was faint, like a whisper in the wind. And yet you understood. You had to leave. And you would never see your father again. You blew him a teary kiss and whispered a goodbye, before walking towards the glowing Arch. You heard your brother asking where you were going, why you were leaving again. You didn't dare turn around, or you would have stayed.

Stumbling though the Arch, you came to an abrupt halt as you saw Alanna. She noticed the tears on your face and her features softened, smiling sadly before she washed you clean with water, just like Leane Sedai had after the first Arch.

"You are washed clean of your sins and the sins committed against you. You come to us pure in heart and soul." She spoke and checked you for injuries but found none. Stepping back she put down the jug and stood back in line with Leane and Sheriam.

"My father-... He..." you croaked out, desperately wanting to tell someone. Desperately wanting to hear that it wasn't real, that he was still alive. But you remembered Alanna's words. No one knows.

Alanna gently shook her head to silence you and, just like her sisters, turned to the last Arch. The middle one. You wiped away your tears and turned to the Arch as well. Taking in a deep breath you tried to straighten yourself up. I didn't quiet work.

"The way back will come but once."

This time you walked through the Arch slowly, tired of the pain, tired of seeing your loved ones die around you. Again light hit you, and you blinked a few times to see your surroundings. A little surprised you realised that you were sat on a horse. You looked down, and saw that you weren't in clothes of a novice anymore. Your sleeves were embroidered with the colours of the different Ajahs. You were an Accepted.

A look around told you that you were on some sort of mission. You could see Alanna and her warders, Maksim and Ihvon. Next to her on a horse was Moiraine followed quietly by Lan. A few Reds and a yellow sister also accompanied you. The Reds of course didn't have any warders. One Red in particular caught your eye. It was Liandrin. She looked ahead proudly, picture perfect posture and didn't talk a word with anyone.

You wanted to ride a little faster and catch up with her but at that moment you heard an awful sound somewhere between the trees. It sounded very close and yet you couldn't see anything. Everyone's heads snapped around and stared into the direction of the sound. The sound was easily recognisable as Trollocs. Panic rose in you, you had only ever heard of them, and that had been enough for you. You had no desire to actually meet them.

The sounds got louder and there was most definitely something coming towards you. All the Aes Sedai got ready to channel, and their warders pulled out their weapons. You faintly heard Alanna say something and a second later Maksim was at your side.

"I don't need your protection. You're Alanna's warder. Not mine." You snap at him, you hadn't meant to sound so mean. But you were scared and probably did need his protection, though you didn't want to admit that. Her looked at you and grinned, he looked right through you. In all the time that Alanna had taught you, Maksim and Ihvon had spent a lot of time with you as well and you had become close.

"Sorry, maybe I do." You mumbled a little sheepish and he laughed. Before he could say something a Trolloc roared through the woods and shortly after that you also saw it. It was a horrible sight. It was huge and had tusks like a boar, just three times that big. It was partly covered in fur, which looked like it was covered in blood in some parts. You practically felt your pulse and heartbeat quicken. Behind the first Trolloc you could see many more that all ran towards you. The earth seemed to tremble under their steps. Your horse instinctively took a step back, but you didn't complain.

Everyone around you had started to channel and use their power to protect the group. Lan and Ihvon had jumped off their horses and stood in front of you with their swords in hand, ready to fight. You closed your eyes and concentrated on your weaves, everyone else was fighting, why not you? As you opened them again and expected to see weaves around you, you were momentarily dumbfounded when you couldn't see any weaves of your own.

You tried again, nothing. Why the hell couldn't you channel? You looked around again, everyone else was doing it. You straightened up and concentrated very hard, but not even a single spark appeared. You looked at Maksim, who raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"I can't channel." You stated, as if that wasn't obvious even to him. He just wanted to answer as your head shot a little further to the side, and you looked past him. It was Liandrin who had caught your eye, she had just been in the middle of channelling as a dagger hit her right in the stomach. A dagger full of Trolloc poison. She gasped and fell of her horse backwards. In mere seconds you had jumped off your horse and ran to her. Maksim was shouting something but you ignored him.

You fell to your knees at her side and stared at her bleeding wound. You didn't know what to do so you just pulled the dagger out, hoping that the poison would maybe not become too much then. She groaned as the dagger once again moved through her flesh.

"I know, it hurts. Someone'll help you, I'm sure. Hold on, Lia." You felt hot tears run down your cheek and your hands were covered in blood, the blood that kept soaking Liandrin's clothes as it left the wound.

"I've never learned how to... I can't help you." You desperately sobbed, while Liandrin tried to speak. No words came out, she was choking on her own blood that seemed to make its way up her trachea. Maksim stood behind you, you could feel it. He kneeled at your side and put a hand on your shoulder. You violently shook it off.

"Help me, get Alanna or the yellow sister. Please, Maksim." You stared at him, completely panicked, but he just shook his head. The battle was still going on, though you didn't notice any of it. It felt like the world had stopped around you. The only thing you saw and heard was Liandrin, her blood, her choking.

"You stupid Reds, if you had warders this wouldn't have happened." You snapped at her, though your heart wasn't behind it. The words came out rather wobbly and full of tears. You could practically see Liandrin slip away in your arms, by now not just her clothes were covered in blood but yours as well.

"Maksim, do something. Please, I know you don't like her but..." you sobbed but Maksim just gently held your arm. He knew it was too late for Liandrin, and deep down you knew it as well. You just didn't want it to be true. Someone interrupted you and you looked up confused.

"The way back will come but once." Sheriam Sedai's voice rang out. You slowly looked ahead and again saw the glowing Arch. You looked down at the dying Liandrin and, leaning down, you gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead. As you stood up Maksim's eyes followed you, but he didn't say anything. You felt sick as you fell through the Arch and immediately threw up on the stone ground. Luckily the water that hit you washed the vomit away.

"You are washed clean of your sins and the sins committed against you." Sheriam Sedai spoke and stepped back. Alanna helped you stand up again and looked you up and down, a shocked expression on her face. You looked down as well. Your chemise was completely covered in blood, as were your hands and arms.

"It's not my blood." You croaked out and nearly didn't recognise your own voice. Relief washed over her face. Though you weren't relieved at all. You felt like someone had pulled all your organs out and had left you completely empty.

Sheriam stepped forward and Leane stood by her side. You had the faint idea that Alanna was probably supposed to step away from you and stand at Sheriam's side as well, but she didn't move one millimetre. And you were thankful for it.

Sheriam smiled, for you there was nothing to smile about. You had just seen three of the most important people in your life die. And it had felt as real as this moment right now. Still you tried to look a little more confident, straightening up and wiping some tears away.

"You come to us pure in heart and soul. You are (Y/n) (L/n), Accepted of the White Tower." Sheriam Sedai spoke and reached out to you, holding a great serpent ring in her hand. It was still empty, without any sort of indication to an Ajah as you yet had to choose one.

"You may wear the ring on the third finger of your left hand, and only there." She spoke, and your trembling hand took the ring from her and put it on. You looked at it, it seemed to small, so banal compared to what you had just been through.

"Thank you, Sheriam Sedai and Leane Sedai." You spoke quietly. And looked over to Alanna. All you wanted right now was to leave. Thankfully she understood.

"Come on, let's get you cleaned up." She softly spoke, got your dress and shoes and led you to her own room. Soon you would get a bigger room as well, all the Accepted had bigger rooms. But right now you still had the small room of a novice, which meant no bath. And Alanna understood that you weren't in the mood for a public bath. Luckily she had her own bath.

For you, everything just happened in a daze, and suddenly you felt yourself being covered by clean and soft linen and your head hit a pillow.

Lover to Lover

Chapter 2: Resolutions

Pairing: Liandrin Sedai x Reader, Alanna Sedai x Reader (platonic)

Word Count: about 2700

Warning: mention of character death, nsfw, jealousy sex, fingering

Summary: After you've gone through the Arches and slept a bit, you go and talk to Liandrin, though she doesn't seem to care very much.

A/n: Second and last Chapter!! Hope you love it, I'd be happy about a repost or a comment, love you guys <3

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It was dawn when you awoke again. Looking around you, you weren't sure where exactly you were for a moment. But when you saw Alanna, recent events came back into your mind. You were an Accepted now. And your father was dead. The two things made you feel miserable and proud at the same time, and you were not sure how to handle the conflicting emotions.

Alanna approached you and sat down on the edge of the bed. Her bed, you realised. She had given up her bed for you, and you immediately felt bad about it.

"I've got fresh clothes for you, and your new room is available. Your things have already been brought there." She handed you the clothes, embroidered with the colours of the Ajahs at the sleeves. She stood up and turned away, an indication for you to get changed. So you did, a little distracted by the ring on your finger for a moment. You had never been one for jewellery, your hand felt unusually heavy. After you were clothed you let your fingers run over the stitched colours on your wrists. It felt surreal. It felt like a dream, like you were still inside the Arch and any second now something horrible would happen. But it didn't.

Alanna showed you to your new room and left you alone. You felt lost, the room was at least three times as big as your old one. There were barely enough things in your possession to fill the room. It looked just like any other room, not like your room.

Your possessions had been little when you had come to the Tower and as a novice you weren't allowed to leave the tower without an allowance. Alanna had been generous, often allowing you to accompany her to Tar Valon. You had seen most of the city, but had little money to buy things.

One thing had a special place on your night stand. A small wooden figurine that you had liked on the market. You hadn't had any money to buy it, but apparently Liandrin had observed you and bought it for you, because one day later she had brought it to your room. You cherished it like the apple of your eye, even though you were aware that at that time she had still tried to get you on her side. It had been in your early days in the tower and you and Liandrin hadn't yet known each other very well. So it had been more manipulation than kindness.

As you looked at the little figurine, you remembered the third Arch and the feeling of Liandrin in your arms, dying. You shot up from the bed and practically ran out of your room. On your way to her room, you slowed a little and pulled yourself together again.

Gently you knocked on her door, but no one opened. You knocked once more, nothing. Slowly you opened the door and took a step inside. Your eyes scanned the room but didn't see her. Just as you wanted to turn around and leave, you saw her. She was on the little balcony that her room had. Not many rooms in the tower had a balcony, but of course the Liandrin Sedai had a room with a balcony.

Quietly you closed the door behind you and walked onto the balcony. You stopped and just stared at her back for a moment, relief washed over you. Of course, you had theoretically known that she was still alive, but her death had felt so real. It was hard to ignore that. Would she have been someone else, you would have fallen around her neck and held her tightly. But she was Liandrin, so you didn't so that and simply stepped closer.

Just as she did, you leaned on the railing next to her and stared ahead. Her eyes didn't even flicker over to you, but you could see she was a little surprised.

"What are you doing here?" She snapped and you looked at her. Her eyes were fixed on the horizon, her posture was perfect as always and conveyed confidence. You didn't say anything and simply held your hand up, the one with the ring on it. Now her eyes flickered down to your hand, and you thought you had seen a spark of pride in them. But it was gone as fast as it had appeared.

"I hope Alanna is proud of her little pet. She'll definitely be happy to have gained an Accepted to teach." Her words were filled with venom, and she spit them out like they could poison her as well. You pulled your hand back and looked at her appalled.

"Really? That's all you have to say?" You ask in disbelief and scoff. That woman had nerves, truly. She didn't answer.

"I came here to ask you if you'd like to teach me, now that I'm an Accepted. And all you can muster is jealousy, not even any sort of praise or kind word?" Her eyes widened a little, but she pulled herself together very quickly. She shifted and turned her body in your direction, now just supporting herself on the railing with one hand.

"Why would you want me to teach you? You clearly didn't want that before." She held her chin high, proudly. She nearly looked a little arrogant. Who were you joking, she usually did.

"Because you weren't allowed, Liandrin. I wasn't going to risk your position." You said confused.

What did she think your reasons were? Did she really think you hadn't wanted her as a mentor? She could be so daft. She looked a little surprised, never really having thought about this possibility.

"You are such an idiot. I always wanted you to teach me, and now you're allowed to. So will you?" You ask, nearly doubting if she'll say yes. Before you had talked to her, you had been sure she would say yes. You looked at her, waiting for an answer. She silently nodded and turned away.

"Yes, I'll teach you."

"Alright. Now, will you finally ask?" You kept your eyes on her, even as she had turned away. You sounded almost a little annoyed, no one would ever dare to talk to Liandrin like that. But you were close enough, at least you liked to think that. And she always let you.

"Ask what?" You scoffed at her. Was this a bad joke? She slowly turned her head to look at you again. She wasn't joking, you could see that. She was dead serious.

"You do know what I just did to become an Accepted, don't you? That I went through the Arches?" You raised your voice, getting angry. Why was she acting so icy? She usually didn't act like this with you. Not anymore at least.

"And? Did you see Alanna being disappointed in you? Whatever else could you be scared of? You're a picture prefect student, with a picture prefect life." You stepped back a little, mouth open. No words escaped you, as you just didn't find any fitting once. Why on earth couldn't she get over Alanna?

"I really don't get why you're acting like this Liandrin, but for your information. I saw my sister being raped and dying, just as I did when I was nine years old. I saw my father being buried, so I know that I'll never see him again. And I saw you dying in my arms, because I wasn't able to heal you." You felt tears rise in you, and you wanted to turn away and leave but Liandrin caught your arm. You violently tried to shake her off, but her grip was too tight.

"What did you just say?" She asked, dumbfounded.

"You heard me. And I actually came her to see that you're well, and alive. To reassure myself and maybe get a hug. I'm not sure how I could have been so stupid as to think you'd hug me. To think you'd ever feel the same for me. But all you've got for me is jealousy and venom. Is it so bad that you didn't get to teach me, that you didn't get to infiltrate me and manipulate me into being a red?" You spit the words out, voice raised even though it broke a little as your throat tightened from the tears. She stared at you, utterly confused. For the first time since you had known her, she wasn't in control of her facial expression.

Suddenly she swiftly pulled you closer and let go of your arm. But before you could turn away again she harshly grabbed your face and crashed her lips onto yours. It was an angry kiss and caught you completely off guard. A slight gasp escaped you, and you stumbled a little backwards, supporting yourself on the railing behind you. For a moment you thought you'd simply fall over it and down into your death, but Liandrin wrapped her arm around you and held you close. Every single thought simply left your mind, it was completely filled with Liandrin. With the way her lips felt on yours, the way her arm was wrapped around you.

Though the kiss was harsh, it was filled with passion. Liandrin's mouth opened and, like you were being controlled by her, yours immediately did the same. You felt yourself getting lost in the kiss, her tongue running over your lip and her arm steadily holding you close. As you both ran out of breath, the kiss was broken.

Breathing heavily you stared at her, utterly outraged. She still held you close, so your face was mere inches apart from hers. A condition that made it very hard to think straight. Literally.

"What in lights name was that, Liandrin?" You asked her and freed yourself from her grip. She let go, and you immediately stepped back, needing some space to get your mind back to work. She looked confused and opened her mouth to speak. Then she closed it again. Liandrin Sedai was speechless, rarely had you seen that. She found her voice again and spoke, softer than before.

"Did you not like it?" She carefully asked, completely missing the point of your question. If on purpose or not, you weren't sure. You rolled your eyes and chuckled.

"Yes, I liked it. But you-..." you searched for the right words and didn't miss the way the corners of her lips twitched upwards at your words. "... you seem to not care about me being an Accepted now, or what I saw in the Arches at all. And suddenly you kiss me, like there is no tomorrow." You throw your hands up, and tilt your head in question.

"Of course I care, don't be ridiculous." She huffed and looked away from you, eyes fixed on the horizon again. You nod mockingly.

"An interesting way of showing it, for sure. Not asking in the first place and then mocking me and Alanna. What actually is your problem with Alanna?" She desperately tried to avoid eye contact with you, nearly like she was embarrassed by something. And at that moment it suddenly all made sense.

"My god, you're jealous." Now she looked at you, eyes filled with rage again. She stepped closer to you, as if to threaten you.

"I am not jealous." She hissed the words out between gritted teeth, but you just chuckled.

"Oh, yes you are. You thought I had chosen Alanna over you. You foolish idiot. I tried to protect your position, and while I like Alanna, I don't like her how you think I do." Liandrin's body visibly relaxed, and her eyes softened a bit, the rage having dissolved.

"I think I might have to make you jealous more often, if you then kiss me like that." You chuckle a little, teasing her. You knew you were treading dangerous paths, but with Liandrin most paths were dangerous.

She was still incredibly close, so close you could feel her breath on your lips. And mere seconds later also her lips. Because she had been so close her lips had met yours so suddenly that to hadn't had any time to take notice of it until you were already kissing back. She took a few steps forward, which resulted in you having to step back until your back hit a wall. Her lips remained on yours the whole time.

She reached down to the brim of your dress and shoved it up, her hand running over your naked leg up to your naked thigh. She didn't waist any time, nor did she even try to be gentle. She didn't hurt you, she never would, but she certainly didn't care for romance right now. You felt a shiver run down your spine as her cold hands touched your skin. In mere seconds her fingers had found your centre and roughly pushed your underwear aside. Two fingers immediately slipped inside making you gasp out loud. Desperately wanting to hold on to something your hand found its way onto her waist where you dug your nails into her clothes.

"Next time, behave and don't make me jealous again." She spoke, quietly but commanding. The tone in her voice just aroused you more. You managed a grin between gasps.

"But the result is so wonderful." You pressed out, and immediately she thrust deeper into you harshly, locking eyes with you. She wanted to show you who was in control, wanted to keep the upper hand. You'd work that out with her, but for now you were quite pleased with it.

Every time she thrust into you the palm of her hand inevitably rubbed over your clit, making you moan desperately. You could feel yourself getting closer and closer to climax, so you gently cupped her cheek and locked eyes with her. You wanted to see her beautiful eyes and wanted her to watch you, to see every little gasp and twitch that you produced. Her face was so close to yours, your noses nearly touched. She captured your bottom lip between her teeth and pulled your lips into another kiss. Your whole body shivered and as she buried her fingers deep inside you, hitting sensitive spots, you gasped into the kiss, mouth hanging open and your fingers dug themselves deeper into her clothes. You felt pleasure run through you and make you tense. She grinned, as she could feel you clench around her fingers.

That grin, that beautiful face was all you needed to come. Eyes locked with hers a loud moan rolled over your lips and your knees felt like they might give in and make you fall down. Liandrin thankfully held you up, so that you didn't. Your breaths came in short gasps and the grin didn't leave Liandrin's face, like it was glued on. You felt her slowly pull her fingers out and withdraw from under your skirt.

"Clean me, will you?" She held her fingers out to you, and you eagerly wrapped your lips around them. Holding eye contact with her, you let your tongue run over them until they were clean.

As you calmed your breathing down, the two of you remained just as close together. You let your eyes wander over her face, and suddenly you had the urge to pull her into a hug, as the pictures from the Arch found its way back into your mind. You tightly held onto her and hid your face in her hair. Hesitantly she reached around you and hugged you back.

"It looked so realistic, for a second I was convinced it was true." You whispered into her hair, so quietly she nearly hadn't heard it. Her hand slowly stroked your back. An unusually tender action for her.

"What do you mean?" Her voice was also unusually soft.

"In the Arch. You died, in my arms. And I could heal you, couldn't save you. And when I came out for a second I thought you were actually dead." Your throat tightened a bit, so you stopped talking before the tears could overwhelm you. Her embrace around you tightened a bit.

"No ghost made you gasp like that, little one." She spoke teasingly and yet there was an undeniable softness to her voice. She wanted to reassure you, comfort you. She just wasn't really sure how. Still, it made you chuckle, so it had worked.

"Good point."

Misjudgement

Pairing: Liandrin Sedai x fem!Reader

Word Count: 4496

Warning: some angst, fighting and blood, death and injuries

Summary: Laindrin and You are on a mission with some sisters and meet white cloaks. Liandrin gets hurt and you go rogue. Why, though? The two of you never seem to get along.

A/n: Request by @midnight-lestrange

Alright, this took me long enough but it's finished at last. Hope you like it!!! Could write a part two if anyone's interested in that. Would love a comment, like or repost!!!

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Walking through the corridor, you didn't really pay attention to your sisters around you or novices that bowed to you. You were tired, and it had been a long day, so you were eager to get to bed. But you should have considered that Liandrin would never let you get away with the events of the day.

You heard footsteps coming towards you and halt in front of you. It was Liandrin, and she had a smug smile on her face. You rolled your eyes, completely aware of what was about to happen.

"I see you're back from the mission, sister. I'm surprised you all came back." Your eyes darted up, and you looked at her surprised. Raising an eyebrow you set to answer.

"I'm not sure I know what you mean, Liandrin." She chuckled and stepped a little closer. The chuckle was bitter, a little arrogant even. "We did our job and gentled the man. Just like we were supposed to."

"You did, after all nearly dying. You underestimated his power and he overwhelmed you. You are too soft with the men." She said, voice icy and head held high, proud. Completely convinced that her way was the only right way.

"I don't share your deep hatred for men, Sister." I calmly responded. "I believe we are mainly there to save them from their own power, it is not their fault they can channel."

"But it's their fault, that they misuse it and besmirch it." She spit the word out, you didn't fully know but were sure she had had bad experiences with men in her life. In a way you couldn't even be mad at her for her attitude.

But it was a fact, the two of you had joined the Red Ajah for utterly different reasons. And hers was much more common with your red sisters. They were filled with hatred towards men and all they wanted was to get rid of them, if they had it their way they'd simply kill them all. You on the other hand had seen a man in your family, someone you loved dearly fall into madness because of the ability to channel. He had distanced himself from everyone, afraid to kill the ones he loved. And you hadn't been able to help. So you had joined the Red Ajah to help men like him. To gentle them before they fell into madness, before it ate them up alive. Though the men weren't always as thankful as you would have liked them to be, you believed in what you did.

"Some men do that, yes. Not all." You stayed calm, you always did. A trait many sisters admired in you, when talking to Liandrin. "Still I don't believe it is right to kill them, as you no doubt would have suggested." You looked at her expectantly. But she simply scoffed and rushed past you. A soft smile formed on your lips as you looked at her over your shoulder and stood in the corridor for a moment. She was a curious woman, hard to read, hard to understand. You chuckled to yourself and set off for your room again.

A good nights sleep would patch you up just fine and tomorrow you would go to the sitter of the red Ajah and report about the mission. So you did just that, but instead of simply reporting back to the sitter, you were sent on a new mission.

"Please, sister. I've just come back yesterday. Sent someone else, I have tasks in the tower." you pleaded, but the red sitter simply shook her head softly. It was infuriating. Not that she sent you, but that she sent Liandrin as well. Everyone knew that the two of you couldn't stay close to each other without fighting.

"You are one of the best Aes Sedai of our Ajah, Sister. We have reports from the East of a group of men, all channelling. It is necessary to sent multiple sisters, multiple powerful sisters." She remained calm, and you saw the reason behind her words. She was right of course.

"I know, and I understand that. But Liandrin? Please!" Your voice took on a pleading tone. This was going to be a disaster. Your sister straightened up and her features lost a little of its patience.

"Enough. You'll both go and that's it. We need you on this mission, both." Her voice left no room for arguments. For her the conversation was over. You raised an eyebrow, curtly nodded and left the room. A few steps down the corridor you leaned against the wall and took a deep breath in. This was going to be an absolute catastrophe.

Your eyes were closed, and you just opened them as footsteps came closer. You looked down the corridor and saw Liandrin proudly walking to the sitters room. You chuckled softly. She looked arrogant, proud because she no doubt knew she was going on a mission. But she looked beautiful. You felt the desire to make her laugh, guessing that just that would probably make the whole tower shine brighter. Make your world a little brighter.

"Something the matter?" She snapped as she noticed your dreamy stare directed onto her. She really had to ruin every nice moment, didn't she? You sighed and pushed yourself off the wall. Liandrin had stopped just in front of the door, just short of entering.

Just two days later you stood in the stables, things packed, horse saddled and all sisters ready. The only one missing was Liandrin. You looked around, at the other two sisters, raising an eyebrow quizzically. They simply shrugged and shook their head.

"Don't be too happy, we're together on this mission." You calmly said and didn't even wait to see her reaction. You could easily predict it. And if you had looked you would have seen that your prediction had been absolutely accurate. She looked surprised, then outraged and huffed, annoyed that you just left. But, for just a tiny moment, there was a slight smile on her lips. Though she wiped that off immediately and opened the door. You were already gone.

Annoyed you tied the reins of your horse to the stable door and stomped out of the wooden shed. It had been agreed that you would meet in the stables at this exact time. Where the hell was she? You made your way through the tower quickly and up to her room. The knock was unusually hard for you and was immediately answered by Liandrin.

She was casually clothed, had her hair in a few braids and looked at you innocently. You felt like you were about to explode.

"Why in the lights name aren't you down with the others?" You hissed, and she smirked slightly before she turned around and walked back into her room. The door standing open, an invitation for you to come in.

"I'm not coming." Her tone was flat, calm and yet you heard a little bit of satisfaction in it. You took a deep breath to calm down and not immediately slap the smirk off of her face.

"What do you mean?" She chuckled and looked back at you. Her arms were crossed, and her face conveyed pure arrogance.

"I'm not coming. I will most certainly not go on this mission with you. You are incompetent and will probably endanger us all." You sighed angrily. Rushing past her, you grabbed her backpack and opened it.

"You will come. Not coming endangers us. You are powerful and we need that. As much as I'd like for you to stay away. So grow up and get over your stupid grudge." You spoke heatedly, while you ran through her room, randomly opening drawers and pulling out clothes that looked practical and useful. Liandrin's eyes were widened and followed you through the room. She was surprised by your boldness. Surprised by your bluntness and honesty.

It would take you some time to get to the men that had been reported on. It was at least a seven days ride, without complications. But there were always complications. Always. Not once in all your time as an Aes Sedai had you just been able to ride somewhere, do your job and go back.

"Here." You said as you pushed the packed backpack into her arms and sharply turned around to go back to the stables. Liandrin looked down at the backpack and back at the spot where you were no longer standing. She rolled her eyes but chuckled softly. Quickly she followed you, luckily another sister had already saddled her horse. You were ready to leave.

Sometimes the complications were minor and sometimes, like today, they were a massive fucking problem. Admittedly you were easy to identify as Aes Sedai. Even if you had taken off your rings. Four women, all clothed in red, obviously wealthy. What else would you be?

In certain situations it's good to be recognised as Aes Sedai immediately. It helped to be respected. It certainly wasn't convenient when multiple white cloaks were crossing your path.

It was no secret that Liandrin and you were by far the most powerful, not just of your group, but of all the Reds. So, instinctively the two of you stepped in front of the other, trying to slightly shield them with your horses. A laugh, cold and piercing, empty of any actually humour rang out between the trees.

"Do you really think you can protect your Sisters?" The voice said with cold amusement. A man stepped out of the group, his eyes made you shiver. With a look of pure hatred towards you. A chain dangled from his belt, you could see at least eight serpent rings, in all colours. Mainly blues, but some yellows, a green and a red one were there as well. Trying to remain calm you shot Liandrin a look, seeing the same kinds of emotions in her eyes. Slight panic, that was slowly turning into massive panic. Though she was much better at hiding it than you. She lifted her chin again, preserving the look of arrogance and confidence. It looked extremely believable.

"Don't make a mistake that might cost you your life." Liandrin spoke, sharp and icy as usual. The white cloaks just seemed to see that as a challenge they were willing to take.

"The two at the front are obviously the strongest, tame them. But keep them alive for now. Kill the others." The white cloak sharply ordered the other men and turned around to go back to his horse. Before you could even move they were between your horses. Your two sisters had lost they're hands before they could start channelling. They're screams shattered your soul, and you acted fast, throwing one of the men against the nearest tree, golden weaves glowing around him. In mere second you were off your horse and slowly approached the man, still floating in the air.

"You bastard." You spit out and pulled the weaves a little tighter around his chest and throat, strangling him. Though you let him abruptly fall to the ground as you heard a scream. A very familiar scream. You shot around, your two sisters were dead on the ground, hands cut off but rings already removed. Frantically your eyes searched through the trees and blood for Liandrin.

A glimpse of honey blonde hair caught your attention. Another scream. You started running towards her and saw her kneeling on the forest ground, clothes dirty and ripped slightly. She had a stab wound just below the rips and a sharp cut on her cheek. In a swift motion you threw the man standing next to her through the forest and heard him hit a tree somewhere. You didn't care, you didn't even look after him. You felt someone kick his knee into your back and your knees gave out, you fell to the ground as well. Your hands were being tied behind your back, and you couldn't even concentrate on the one power enough to use it as you saw the white cloak with the rings on his belt harshly grab Liandrin's face and force her to look at him.

"Try to channel, and I'll cut your hands off." He nearly spit into her face and Liandrin tried to get herself out of his grip. He pulled a dagger out of his belt and held it to her throat, pushing it into the flesh slightly.

"You dirty women, think the power is just for you. You think you're so much better than the rest of us." You just knew Liandrin would say something stupid.

"We are." She pressed out. The man immediately pushed the dagger into her flesh more, drawing a little bit of blood.

"Leave her alone." You shouted, you were aware that it sounded more desperate and panicked than strong and demanding. But you didn't care. The man slowly turned to look at you, his dirty fingers were still on Liandrin's face. You tried to loosen the rope around your hands and channel, but you felt a sudden kick into your stomach that took your breath away for a moment. You could have sworn Liandrin had a hint of panic in her eyes at that.

"Leave her, please." This time it just sounded pathetic. Nothing more. It had no edge, no sharpness or demanding tone. It was strangled and desperate. The man chuckled slightly.

"No, I won't." He said and took one of Liandrin's hands, his dirty fingers caressing her knuckles for a moment. As she wanted to pull her hand away he grabbed her wrist so hard, a whine escaped her. He turned around to one of the other men who had cut of the hands of your other sisters.

You were still breathless and desperate, but you felt anger and immediate panic inside of you. You didn't even have to concentrate on the one power, it was like it just flowed out of you. Like the anger and the panic enabled it and took over control for you. You didn't even take notice of it until the power flowed out of you, lighting up the forest and sending shock waves through the ground. You pull your hands apart and rip the rope that had tied them together. The wrists hurt, like the rope had sharply cut into the flesh. But you don't even feel the pain, you simply pull your hands to the front and concentrate on the men.

"I said, leave her." You pressed out, a little stronger this time. Sharper and icy. A tone of voice you had learned solely from Liandrin. On weak knees you stood up, all the men around you too dumbfounded to act. You stepped between the man and Liandrin and threw the men that were left on their feet through the forest. Almost immediately you felt all the strength leave you, and you collapsed, falling to your knees. Liandrin's touch on your arm was softer than anything you thought she was able to muster.

"We have to leave." She said, her voice weakly in your ear, like it was coming from behind a door about a mile away. Adrenaline was the only thing leading your body right now. Shakily you stood up, and somehow you managed to get onto a horse, sitting in front of Liandrin, her arm wrapped around your middle, the reins in one hand. Suddenly a sharp wind hit your face and the world seemed to rush past you. Like a faint memory in the back of your mind you thought about your two sisters. The ones you were leaving behind. But you weren't strong enough to even say something. It felt like you were riding for hours, though you weren't sure how accurate your sense of time was right now.

At some point Liandrin stopped and let go of you, you weren't as weak anymore. Apart from the weakness of using so much of the power you hadn't really been that hurt. A few scratches and some nasty bruises from the kicks. Nothing more. You heard a sharp intake of breath behind you and slightly turned around.

Liandrin had her hand pressed against her side, the robe she was wearing was soaked in blood, and it seeped through her fingers. She looked unbelievably pale.

"Liandrin." You said shocked and immediately got off of the horse. You helped her off the horses as well and let her down on the ground gently. You took her hand away from the wound and opened her robe to push it to the side, carefully shoving her shirt up to reveal her waist and the wound.

"In light's name." You cursed and tried to concentrate on channelling. You were much stronger than before, but still weak and worn out. It felt like the power wouldn't really form to anything proper, you felt like a novice again. Tears sprung to your eyes.

You shook your hands, like that would help. You felt your chest tighten again, the inevitable feeling of panic rising again. She was bleeding, too much. She would bleed out.

"Shit, fuck." You cursed, voice a little shaky. Your palms were sweaty, and you rubbed them dry on your trousers, shaking them again in a feeble attempt to get them to fucking work. Liandrin looked up at you and seemed...confused?

"It's ok." She said weakly. You shook your head violently, pressing the palm of your hand against your chest, trying to calm your laboured breaths.

"It's not. I can't heal you, I'm too weak." You felt her other hand reach out for your hand and squeeze it. It was a very weak squeeze. Too weak.

"Look at me, and concentrate. You're strong." She whispered. You nearly wanted to chuckle. Was this what it took to get Liandrin Sedai to compliment you?

You took a deep breath in and calmed yourself as much as possible. Your hands were shaky as you lifted them again, letting them hover above her wound. You looked into her eyes and took all the strength left in you together and tried to channel. It felt like you were burning out from the inside but the weaves appeared. You were aware of how dangerous it was, but that didn't matter. Slowly, very slowly, the weaves healed her wound. Your breathing heavily, hand shaking more and more. She gained a little of her natural skin colour back, and the second her wound was closed you broke down. The wound wasn't healed very prettily, there would definitely be a scar. Usually you were much better at this, but she was safe. That was all that mattered.

All you felt were soft fingers pushing your hair out of your face and lifting your head. As you opened your eyes you realised, that your head was resting in Liandrin's lap. Her fingers softly combed through your hair, soothingly, nearly lovingly. A touch you weren't aware Liandrin was capable of.

It felt like an eternity that you both stayed like this, her fingers running through your hair. You weren't sure if you had maybe fallen asleep at some point. But you were definitely a little stronger again when she suddenly spoke.

"You risked your life for me." She said, and it sounded like she was confused. It was just a hint in her voice, put you picked up on it. Apart from the fact that you'd risk your life for all of your sisters, you were slightly surprised that she ever thought you wouldn't.

"You should have gotten out of there and not cared about me. You should have saved your own life." She added, sounding almost angry now. She didn't look at you, looked straight ahead into the forest, and yet her fingers were still in your hair. Slowly you sat up and tilted your head as you looked at Liandrin.

"Of course I risked my life for you. I'd do that for all of our sisters." You said simply. You weren't going to tell her that she was special. She turned her face to look at you. She searched for your eyes, for any sort of lie in them, any sort of deception.

"You hate me." She stated coldly, putting on the arrogant and confident mask again. You immediately let out a weak chuckle.

"I don't hate you." She was confused. That was very apparent now.

"Everyone knows that you hate me. You didn't even want me on this mission." She said and raised an eyebrow, it was like she wanted to challenge you.

"I'm the only one in the whole tower who can actually keep calm when talking to you. If I hated you, I definitely wouldn't keep so calm." You explained carefully and shrugged. You weren't sure if she was ready for the whole conversation, for the blunt and full revelation yet.

"But-..." you cut her off. She looks surprised, not many people dared to do that.

"Think about it, when we interact, who's angry and spits venom? Not me." You couldn't help but smirk slightly. She looked stunned, almost speechless. That was a first, you thought.

"What the hell are you talking about?" And she was back. In full glory, icy and mean. You sighed slightly and looked away for a moment. You thought about what to say, how to make her understand.

"Liandrin, I care for you. And I was scared..." you gulped slightly, feeling your chest tighten at the memory of her, so helpless and endangered, "I was really scared for you." You added a little softer and looked back at her.

"Bullshit." She spit out and jumped to her feet. Taking a few steps away from you, she looked down at you, angry and yet a little scared. You were still a little wobbly on your feet but tried to stand up nonetheless. It took a moment to steady yourself once you were up, but you managed. Carefully you took a step closer to her, but she immediately backed off. You sighed.

"Liandrin, please." You pleaded but she ignored it. "No one cares about me, the whole tower hates me. They fear me." She was vulnerable right now, you knew that. But as usual she hid it with anger. You were lost for what to do. It was clear she didn't believe your words. It was clear she didn't want you to get closer. There wasn't much you could do.

"I don't." You said softly, not moving any closer to not upset her further. "I don't fear you. And I do care about you. I always have." You added carefully, choosing your words cautiously. It's like you could see the gears work in her mind, and as she looked back at you, she looked nothing like the Liandrin you knew from the Tower. She looked nothing like the Liandrin that was always angry, always held her chin up high and strode through the corridors of the Tower as if she was the Amyrlin Seat herself.

She looked like a little kid, who had never been loved, never been cared for. Like a woman that was used to being mistreated and used for someone else's pleasure and will. It broke your heart. Carefully you stepped closer again, and this time she allowed it. She looked so small, so vulnerable. With a few steps you stood right in front of her.

"Lia, I care for you. And you deserve to be cared for." You softly whispered, like it was a secret — no, an oath. An oath to always care for her. To give her the love and care she had never gotten in her life. "You deserve to be loved." You added carefully, hoping she would get the hint. And judging by her reaction, she did. Her eyes widened a bit, and she stared at you completely stunned. If not for the situation, and the obvious pain in her eyes, it would have been adorable. You couldn't help but smile slightly and shrug, as if to underline what you had just said.

"You can't-..." She said, voice just a little thinner than usual, a little shakier.

"Yes, I can." You said simply and carefully reached out for her hand. Her fingers against the palm of your hand, soft and warm, was like a grounding power. It calmed your heart, silenced your self-doubt and anxiety.

"And I do." You whispered, face close to hers, so close that you can nearly feel her shaky breath in your skin. You squeeze her hand slightly.

"You're a pain in the ass most of the time." You say and a ghost of a smirk is on her lips. That alone tells you she feels the same or at least similarly to you. Otherwise, you'd be long dead by now, talking to her like this.

"But I care about you, and you're much more than you show people or even make yourself out to be." You finish and search her eyes with yours, trying to decipher a reaction, her feelings on this. You can't read her, and for a moment you ask yourself why. You can always read her. But then you understand why. Her eyes are glossy, she'd never allow even one tear to fall, you know that. But they're there, and that's honestly enough answer for you.

Boldly you tug a strand of honey hair behind her ear, that had fallen out of her complicated half-updo of braids. You'll never understand how she has the patience to do those every day. Your fingers linger in her sharp jawbone for a moment.

"You're ridiculous." She says, and it lacks an obvious amount of sharpness, though you can hear she tries to muster it. She just fails. You smile gently at that.

"Probably." She looks a bit annoyed by that answer, but can't hide a soft smile of her own. A crack of wood somewhere behind you snaps you out of it. You spin around, ready to fight again even though your legs are still a bit wobbly. It's just your horse, you audibly sigh in relief.

"We have to get back to the Tower. I don't know how far you rode, I was completely out of it. But I imagine the white cloaks are pissed, and they're still far too close." You say diplomatically as you look back at her. In the few moments you turned away she sucked up the tears rimmed in her eyes and patched her mask back together. Though it's a bit more transparent than before. A good sign. She agrees and you both get back on the horse. It's a bit awkward now, close together on the horse. Back to the Tower will surely take two days. Maybe longer. You'll manage, and you're sure once at the Tower she'll try to shut you out. But you can be persuasive if you want and now that you've seen a glimpse of her, you won't back down.

Liandrin Sedai

Secrets and Candor / Part 2 / Part 3 (Playlist)

Lover to Lover / Part 2

Misjudgement / Part 2

Wheel of Time

Moiraine Sedai

Liandrin Sedai