The Wheel Of Time - Tumblr Posts

The price of the small pleasures

Alanna's character feels like a needed contrast that helps shape the perception of Moiraine's character. There is this whole episode where it's all about family and home. Alanna comes back home with a huge family, the kids are having fun, laughing, and playing with her Warders, it's warm, sunny, and cozy, a beautiful nature around, with lots of food as usual. Alanna is open, speaking with everyone, and making jokes. Life is good and people seem happy. Alanna is never alone and it looks like she is often home, where she is accepted and loved. And then there is Moiraine. Oh, boy... It's almost hilarious if it wasn't so fucking depressing.

This one comes back to her huge house, dark and gloomy even during the day, and revisits her memories, but it doesn't seem happy. It looks like a museum of someone long dead. Her things are covered, someone is keeping her room, all her things, but she is never home. She barely says two words to her sister and immediately they have a fight. And I get it - Moiraine is not exactly pleasant in her behaviour, even though she has her reasons. But she refuses tea. TEA! Alanna is cooking, having full meals, and enjoying life, and Moiraine refuses even that small pleasure. And tea is one of the few things Moiraine loves. It's almost as if she deprives herself of every pleasure. And it's not like she can't spend 20 minutes with her sister and say at least a few nice words.

Moiraine doesn't eat. They make a point with that one. We never see her eat. Lan eats, Nynaeve eats, Alanna( almost all the time - she is green, after all), her warders, Lan, Thomas, Verin, and Adeleas is all about LET ME enjoy my meal and wine ( half of the time she is completely out and doesn't know what happens around her and the rest of the time she is horny (now that is not exactly true, but that is for later). Perin even eats. Egwene drinks with Elayne. Everyone at some point is shown to eat. Never Moiraine.

Food is not just necessary for survival. Food is also a pleasure. It should be a pleasure if done correctly. Meals also mean connection with other people. If and when Moiraine ever eats, she eats alone. She refuses to join the others in Verin's house, her sister, and she refuses the sandwiches of her nephew. They make yet another point of showing how isolated she is, even from people, who genuinely care about her.

The first time her sister is actually nice to her, her first reaction is to get defensive and snarky and, after a couple more words, Moiraine literally crumbles and starts to cry. This is the first time in months, after The Eye she shows emotion in front of someone. And it's almost forced, she is exhausted, and hasn't slept in... a while and someone basically reads her and finds exactly her weakness and confronts her about it. That is just for a moment and she composes herself immediately. Seconds later she gets help and she shows emotion again. It sort of seems like showing vulnerability and weakness, and asking for help is something that she has no right to do, or... I don't know.

The one time we saw her doing some for her own pleasure was Tar Valon. The tea and the spa. And Siuan. And this was it. Now it sort of feels like she is avoiding that on purpose. Either she thinks she doesn't deserve it or thinks that this is a distraction.

Her baths in Verin's house are more self-punishment than pleasure. She doesn't have to carry water alone, but she does it anyway. And something tells me that this well is probably not the only one around that house. Both women are Aes Sedai, which means they can use The One Power for ... a lot of things. They have a garden and a bunch of flowers in the house, that look pretty fresh and green for the Mediterranean climate, considering the grass around is dry. Usually, every house has a well or some source of water close by. Yet, milady goes to a well, that is so far from the house, that is practically useless. Good luck bringing enough water from there for all the needs in this house, but anyway. Even with nothing to carry, in this heat, a walk like that is, to put it mildly very unpleasant. With something that heavy to carry up that hill... I don't know.

The other thing is - small pleasures are distractions. The only time she actually sits in the company of the others in S2 is when they are on their way to Tar Valon. And that is because she doesn't have a choice. And something happens there, that I think she thinks is a mistake. A moment of distraction, a small weakness, that threatens to ruin her plan. She is having a conversation. That scene is brilliant! Subtle, well-written, and perfect and I watched it like probably 30 times so far but I was focused on the wrong thing. The night when Lan and Moiraine travel to Tar Valon, everyone is around the campfire. Moiraine is again standing at a distance, isolated from everyone else until Verin goes to her, reveals what she knows and basically tells her "You know what I am not promising anything, you just have to trust me." They cut to other things and when are back again Moiraine folds and decides to sit with them. What could go wrong? Adeleas is drunk again, floating on a pink cloud, imagining romantic stories, speaking of sex life, and trying to make Lan talk. She asks how Lan and Moiraine met. What follows in uncomfortable silence! None of them speaks, Lan seems uneasy, and Moiraine glares annoyed. She continues to avoid his eyes. Verin tries to help, by saying that it's late and they have to go to bed. Adeleas ignores her, in her drunken haze and blabbing some imagined overly sexualized story, which gets on Moiraine's nerves. She quickly interrupts Adeleas's idiotic monologue with the true story of their first meeting. Whether it is because she is already annoyed with Adeleas' behaviour toward Lan, or wants to save him from an uncomfortable moment, is irrelevant. Lan is surprised. Moiraine speaks! But what was meant to be just a way to make Adeleas shut up, turns into a sweet moment. Because this memory is precious for both of them. Lan smiles and joins the explanation, they look at each other, and she smiles too throughout the whole time she tells the story. It turns into a banter between two very close people. Bond, no Bond, at this moment it doesn't matter - they are in synch again. This is beyond sweet. They joke! hell, Moiraine jokes! This is what they look like. This is them. For one very small moment. Everyone laughs. And then, all of a sudden, with a serious voice, a laser-sharp focus, and a very sober-looking expression, Adeleas says her great line. "And that's when you knew. Any old Warder can save you from Trollocks, that right one can save you from yourself." Adeleas wasn't drunk at all. You can pretend to be drunk when you are sober, you can't act sober when you are drunk. It was a setup for Moiraine, to open up, to speak, and she knew exactly how to make her drop her defenses and finally speak to him. An attempt to make her get close to Lan again maybe? Lan was happy for sure. Moiraine though... is on the verge of tears.

She knows what her goal is with him. She knows what the plan is and that little moment was a failure. The small pleasure of this moment would probably cost her. In order for her plan to work, she has to be awful to Lan. One small distraction, and she falls back into her normal self. A tiny moment of happiness, a shared memory, and the old, cold, and sour Aes Sedai is a normal woman with feelings. The danger - Lan sees through her and never wants to leave her side which eventually will lead to his death. That's how much a moment of weakness might cost.

I love the Wheel of Time on Amazon Prime

Do you kids know how hard it is to hyper fixate on shit as a goddamn adult?? Sorry boss I know you need those files done but I’m too busy giggling like a goddamn school girl over a fictional man

Siuaraine : Je te laisserai des mots

What do you think is the story that I'm trying to tell ?

devotion

Sophie : Ingrid x Siuan

4th edit, i'm getting better 🥹

WoT about: "The writers keep giving time to plots that aren't bad, but do nothing to actually serve the story".

Disclaimer : As always, it's long.

Alll of these comments are from a discussion I had with a book reader in the comments of a post on S3E01 being written by S1E06 and S2E07 writer: Justine Juel Gillmer. Basically, the original poster was celebrating more Siuan (however it might be) and/or a possible Siuanraine reunion in S3.

Book Reader 1:

In a story about the potential end of all things, I can't honestly say that I care about Suianraine. Side romance plots are fine, but they're not what WoT is really about. I hope they give a little ship time to those who are craving it, but they really need to work on the Nerf Reborn. He's way weaker in the show than he is in the books. We need a Rocky montage to put the Dragon back on track.

Book reader 2 :

One of my biggest issues with this show. The writers keep giving time to plots that aren't *bad*, but do nothing to actually serve the story.

Moiraines family scenes? Well written and acted, but that's 30-40 minutes that we could have had in Falme, or building up the Horn, or generally building the legend of the dragon.

Book reader 1 :

Yep. The show wastes precious time on things which aren't central to the plot.

Torashi :

That mostly has to do with the fact that the show is not about Rand but about Moiraine and specifically about Moiraine's Quest which is something that most book readers seems to have overlooked and that's the most important and fundamental change from the books yet it's overlooked when it comes to understanding how and why everything plays out the way it does.

If we had to choose a character and declare them the main one for the show, it would be Moiraine. That's the main difference that explains most of the complaints bookcloaks and book readers may have with the show.

The books are about Rand. Here, it's about "Moiraine's Quest", and it gives the show more room to explore the characters deemed as side characters and one of the most interesting group of people in this universe in my opinion: Aes Sedai's and their warders.

Both are telling the same story but not from the same POV, and that changes a bunch of things and it includes what gets showed or not.

Book reader 1 :

I certainly didn't overlook that the show is focused on Mo. That is the biggest problem, as you say (pre post edit: I did not say that the the Mo focus was a problem, never had actually) . Book Mo isn't anywhere near a main character after TEOTW, so it's a very questionable decision to promote her to a main, outside of real world "politics". Pike is the most recognized actress **and** she's a producer.

While I get that non-readers don't mind it, I and millions of other readers waited 39 years for the books to be turned into a show.

We weren't waiting on Siuan and Moiraine.

Torashi:

I'm not saying that you're overlooking this but that those who did read the books tends to do so and fail to realise( pre post edit: or recognise really) that the things they're complaining about usually makes sense as Rand is not the main character anymore.

The pov's are mostly Moiraine's, and while it's different from the books, it doesn't mean that it's not good. The story is just told differently, and a lot of you guys fail to realise that while it's not what you hoped for, you at least get to experience the same story told another way and in the same world you grew up loving but on screen.

I understand that it's disappointing as it's probably not what you guys imagined and expected the show would be if you ever got to see it, but Rand, as the main character, probably wouldn't have worked as needed exactly because it's been so long since the books.

The classic hero trope is not as appealing as it used to be for TV, and switching the focus and putting it onto the Gandalfs of the WoT world probably was better so it ended up as the Moiraine's Quest show and not as the Randland show. It's also probably because it's usually better if most actors in a fantasy show are unknown so that their reputation and previous roles do not taint the ones they'll have in the show.

( pre post edit : in case some people don't get why I'm comparing them, it's to emphasise that all of these fantasy shows have 1 or 2 of their main cast and characters as the biggest stars so that they don't have to rely only on the existing fandom but can also count on their main celebrity to bring a wider audience (advertising aside) which allows for the rest of the cast to be lesser known or straight-up debuting and/or unknown actors)

For ex, Matt Smith and Paddy Considine probably are the most recognisable actors of HOTD (HBO) and they're brothers in the show and have a close relationship ( in case you didn't see it, Matt is Daemon and Paddy is King Viserys)

WoT (Prime) has Rosamund Pike and Sophie Okonedo as their biggest star, and they have a close relationship.

(Fun fact : Sophie wasn't even supposed to be in the show and probably wouldn't have accepted if she was offered the part but Rosamund specifically wanted her to play her love interest and Sophie had to be written to personally by Ros so that she would accept the role ( anyone who knows or follows Sophie's work knows that her playing Siuan was as probable as a WoT + GoT crossover episode) )

The Witcher( Netflix) they really just needed Henry Cavill as he actually is a mainstream celebrity and was at the prime of his career when he took the role.

Good Omens (Prime) : David Tennant and Micheal Sheen, they lead and are close. ( they really could have been fine with David here. Actually, he probably has one of the most dedicated fan base I've seen because of his performance as the doctor ) ( they also have benedict cumberbatch but I'm sticking to mains biggest star + they're closest relationships )

Carnival Row (Prime and original so a lil different): Cara delevigne and Orlando Bloom, biggest stars + close relationship.

Good Omens is focused on the gandalfs ( Crowley & Aziraphale) again btw and it's one of amazon most successful adaptations.

The Witcher is also focused on the Gandalfs of their world: Geralt & Yennefer (by extension)

WoT switched it to be the same : Moiraine & Siuan (by extension).

What i'm saying is that basically most of the complaints are related to missing things from the books, the cast diversity, things people wish they could have seen or wishing Josha's (pre post edit :Rand) or Daniel's (pre post edit : Lan) characters where depicted as in the books or it's blaming the show (pre post edit: or really mainly and mostly Rafe and sometimes the rest of the writers) for spending time on things that actually makes sense when you recenter yourself in what the show is actually doing which is telling the story from Moiraine's POVs.

Siuan is important so she gets time, Lan is important so he gets time (pre post edit : mainly referencing the Aes sedai + Warder focused episodes of S1, from Ep4/5 to Ep6).

Liandrin is a problem and has a grudge against Mo that leads her to be a threat not only because she's a red and black ajah but also because of an ulterior reason so she gets time and is developed, Moiraine is pushing everyone away even the only 2 people she could allow herself to be close to during her mission because of her depression and allow herself no other choice but to go to Cairhien alone which happens to be her hometown so we get a family reunion and see how much her quest for Rand impacted her and her family too and how unusual it is even for an Aes sedai( Alanna's scenes with her family).

The main problem isn't that the story is being told through Moiraine's POV but that they only get 8 episodes of approximately 1 hour each to tell a story that required 14 books to finish, they clearly need more or longer episodes per season to include more of what they initially intended to put in each season. ( pre post edit : in case you didn't know Lan was supposed to start training the boys from s1. you can check here )

For reference, GOT had 10 episodes for each season until S7 for 8 season out of 10 initially planned, each episode falling anywhere between 1h and 1h22 max, and it's only 5 books out on 7 planned.

There, we have 8 episodes falling anywhere between 54 minutes to 1h10 min max each, planned to have 8 seasons for 14 books.

(Pre post edit : so far, and yes i went to check the longest ep so far was 1h10 min and it's s2 finale in case you were wondering)

Original poster reaction :

OMG!!! I wish I could give you gold for this comment. I am getting tired of when I post something about the show, instead of people focusing on the show, they wanna bring the "but but but the books did this and that and it is nowhere to be found on the show", like I don't care, let's focus on what's happening in the show and can we only talk about that? You should make another main post pointing this out and that for the sake of productive conversations, this sub should stop complaining about what isn't on the show from the books and more on what we actually get, if it works or not let's stick to that!

Torashi :

I understand, but I totally get their reaction, too. It's been so long for them that it's probably hard to accept anything else than what they expected or wished they had.

(pre post edit :

While i do understand the frustration, i do not understand why you think it makes it fine to ruin (or tarnish) the experience of genuine show only fans by complaining and shitting on the show for missing things or not doing it the way you wanted it to be instead of going:

"That's cool i wish they had room for this or that, in the books there's this or that and whatever, you should check the books."

"The story is so much more richer even though the focus is not on the guide in the books. It could be interesting for you to see it from another PoV too"

You'd actually make show-only fans want to read the books. You guys have been tainted by so much display of lack of respect and gratitude towards those making and/or enjoying the show that I think that you're actually deterring show only fans from the books by dividing the fandom as much as S8 divided GOT fans and by making people afraid to read them before the show ends because of how ugly your reactions are and have been. (You guys are literally associated to Whitecloacks).)

Torashi:

What's infuriating me, though, is that most of the books things they wish they saw when that's what they're complaining about are things that had to be cut because they were details and did not impact the rest of the story as much and instead of complaining about the show having an insane amount of episodes, episode's length and planned seasons for 14 books each individually as big as an encyclopedia they blame Rafe who actually loved the books and is a fan too, that's literally why the books got approved to be on screen. Rafe he's a book fan that got lucky the same way Brandon Sanderson was a book fan that got lucky back then. He probably wish he could put more things in there too.

Instead of complaining about the real problem, they should be battling against, its straight up hate (from bookcloaks) and endless complaints about things that does not matter as its really just "yes but in the books" for choices that does makes sense when they stop being Rand centric while watching a show that isn't about the hero's journey but about the Quest itself.

(Pre post edit thoughts:

Robert made a mistake by calling his books: The Wheel of Time ,to then make most of the pov's and most of the story revolve around a single character. He should have called it "The dragon Reborn" or something along those lines, because most of book readers' new complaints I've seen so far, really are just about it not being ridiculously focused on Rand's story or like the books when they know that this is not a "Randland" show but specifically one that corrects this major flaw from the books by using the only character close enough, interesting enough and refreshing enough to tell this story trought a different lense that allows more freedom to explore other "z-list"/ side characters who actually plays a role in all of this, it's actually painfull to see so many book readers fail to realise that Moiraine really is just the best character to tell this story as she actually knows what's going on behind the scene whereas Rand is just clueless.)

E.g: Rand apparently being powerless (or rather not as powerful as they wished he would be already).

Even though he was alone and in hiding for the last 6 months and only ever channelled because he lacked control and only got to Logain once, because he stayed close but still ignored him for as long as he could. Until he left with Selene to then be found by Mo, he still kills Ishy, Turak and his guards, takes the shield off Egwene (pre post edit: who's struggling btw) and looks like he doesn't even break a sweat.

Yet, all some book readers allow themselves to see is him being "powerless" because he didn't get a flashy 1vs1 against the bad guy even though it wouldn't makes sense with his current development (that was impacted by what ? Cuts because of time/budget constraints ) and Egwene literally is the strongest and most experienced of them all right now because of the Sanchean (pre post edit : the bright side of being a damane lol ) and is one of the most developed character of s2 from EF5 because of what needs to happen with Siuan at some point in S3 and where her (really theirs) story might be going.

(more on this topic here)

This ends here, feel free to share your opinion on this.

when you see your secret wife for the first time in months but you're in public and supposed to hate each other

"Am I not what you expected?" - SIUAN SANCHE

my client just said "there's bigger fish to fight" which is objectively a much better idiom

@pscentral event 22: 2023 wrapped

The wheel weaves as the wheel wills. The Wheel of Time (2021 -) (in/sp)

Masterlist

Fluff/Humour ♡ / Smut ☆ / Angst ◇ / Hurt ♧

Who I write for

Harry Potter

Doctor Who

American Horror Story

Cate Blanchett

Wheel of Time

Stranger Things

Star Trek

Gwendoline Christie

Criminal Minds

Loneliness

Pairing: Moiraine SedaixReader, Lan MandragoranxReader (platonic)

Word Count: 1696 Words

Warning: none

Summary: After a long time Moiraine comes back to the Tower and the two of you reunite.

A/n: So I haven't written anything in a long time so be nice haha. I hope you like it, it's also my first time writing for Moiraine cause I feel like we don't have enough fanfics of her!! Feedback, Comment or Reblog is appreciated!!🤍

■-----------------------------------------■

You had heard it in the morning, over breakfast: Moiraine Sedai is back in the tower. You couldn't believe it. It had been four years since you'd seen her, since you'd talked to her. There had been times, where you wondered if she was even still alive. So little messages found their way into the tower.

You used the first free minute you had to find her. You wandered around the Tower, asking for her, looking around. You were led to her old room, the one you hadn't been in for such a long time. You couldn't be near it, not without her here.

Your breath was shaky, and your hand was trembling as you lifted it to knock on the door. For a second you hesitated, afraid of what would find you behind the door. How much had she changed? Did she still want you or had she forgotten you?

You took a deep breath and pulled yourself together. Knocking three times with more force than expected. It took only a few seconds before the door was opened.

Time stopped. Your eyes met hers, and you forgot how to breath.

She looked as beautiful as ever, her long hair falling over her shoulders gracefully as always. Her slim and yet strong figure perfectly hugged by the light blue linen she wore.

If one didn't know her so well, one could have thought she was unmoved by seeing you. But you knew her. Her shoulders sank just a tiny bit and her features softened. But it was her eyes glistening with unshed tears, that brought you back to life. You took a deep, shaky breath before you fell into her arms.

She let go of the door to hug you back. Taking a step into the room together you buried your head in the crook of her neck. You heard the door fall shut behind you and knowing that no one saw the two of you, you pulled back and kissed her.

You felt her hand on your cheek, wandering to the back of your neck, into your hair. The touch was gentle and soft, not rushed at all. She made sure to make you feel all the love she had for you with as little words as possible.

After you broke apart, you pulled her closer and cupped her cheeks. Staring into her beautiful blue eyes.

"I've missed you, Moiraine." You whispered the words, it felt like your body wasn't ready for anything louder. It felt more intimate like this, close together and quietly.

"I've missed you so much."

"I know, my love." She kissed you again, very lightly and gentle, before taking your hand and pulling you to the other side of the room.

"Sit. I've got something for you." She pulled out a beautiful yellow gown and handed it over. It was made out of thick fabric and looked like it was good for cold winter days.

"Oh, Moiraine. It's beautiful. Shall I try it on?" She nodded and you started changing. Spinning around in the gown you laughed light-hearted, like Moiraine wasn't going to leave in a few days and this gown would be all that you had left of her.

You stopped and looked at her questioning. Moiraine looked you up and down, lightly stroked over your body with her hands and smirked.

"You do look amazing." You laughed and slapped her playfully. With a swift motion she pulled you in at the waist, which led your bodies to collide softly. You gasped in surprise before her lips met yours again.

You pressed yourself closer to her, kissing her passionately. Slowly you started to shove her clothes off of her shoulders and placed gentle kisses on her neck. Moiraine opened a few buttons at the top of your gown and her fingers lightly danced over your exposed skin.

But before you could start really taking of her clothes someone knocked and Lan entered. Hastily you closed your gown, and Moiraine slowly sorted her clothes back into place. You knew that Lan often saw Moiraine naked, but he didn't have to see you naked as well.

Looking up, you saw him grin at the two of you. "I'm sorry for intruding..." You stopped him right there and jumped into his arms.

"You are not!" You laughed as he picked you up and hugged you tightly. He knew you loved that, he didn't. But whatever, it didn't kill him to do that every few years.

In general Moiraine and Lan were very quiet, pulled together and pragmatic people, while you were a whirlwind. Always laughing and talking way too much. But with you, they could both relax and laugh some more. You were their sunshine.

You were, in many ways quite similar to most Ais Sedais of the yellow ajah. You did have a penchant for extravagance. Hence, the embroidered and garnished gown from Moiraine. She knew you all too well. Yet you weren't arrogant or aloof as many other yellows.

"I'm so happy to see the both of you again!" You beamed at them, happier than you had been in four years and yet you felt a wave of sadness wash over you. Sadness over the thought of them having to leave again, of not being able to feel Moiraines skin under your fingers, to not hear her voice again.

You pulled yourself together and pushed the sadness down.

"Come on! I'll show you everything that changed." You took their hands and pulled them with you.

The day was beautiful, full of laughter and happiness. You wished, your life could always be like this. Having become an Ais Sedai hadn't been your choice entirely, you loved it, but it could have a lot of negative sides. Family, Love, Freedom was often put last.

Naturally you were a person who needed all those things. As a child you had always wished to have a wife, a family, children and a quiet life. Always being alone for such a long time without Moiraine, without Lan, was hard for you. Harder than you liked to admit.

At the end of the day, Moiraine had to go to the Amyrlin Seat to talk about her mission and Lan stayed with you. You watched the sun go down from the top of the tower.

"Lan?" He slightly turned his head towards you and waited for you to speak.

"Don't tell Moiraine yet, but I'm coming with you." Lan opened his mouth, ready to say something to convince you otherwise, but you stopped him.

"Don't. You know you can't change my mind. I'm sure of my decision. I can't stay here on my own again. I just... I can't. You don't know what it's like. The two of you, you always have each other. You're never alone. I'm always alone."

Lan looked straight ahead, nodding his head slowly. He took your hand in his and squeezed it. That was all you needed, he had accepted your decision. Now you just had to tell Moiraine. Which was most certainly going to be a lot more complicated.

"Come in!" you exclaimed as someone knocked on your door. Looking up from your bag, you saw Moiraine enter. You went on packing your bag and gave her a fast kiss as you walked by her.

Her eyes followed you around the room, as you opened the wardrobe, as you closed the bag and looked at Moiraine expectantly.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm packing." You knew that wasn't what she wanted to hear, but you just loved annoying her.

"(Y/n)." Her voice held a warning tone. You chuckled and sat down defeated.

Looking up at her, you tried to find the fitting words. It was clear that Moiraine would disapprove. You had had the idea of coming with her before, nearly seven years ago. She had rejected the idea immediately, and you hadn't wanted to argue with her in the few days you had together. You were cleverer this time, waiting till the last second, so that she simply wouldn't have any time to argue with you.

"Moiraine, I know how you think about this, but I'm coming with you. Lan already knows."

"You will not, (Y/n)." She was absolutely serious, but so were you. Standing up you walked closer to her.

"You don't have a say in this. I've made my decision, and I'll stand with it." Moiraine shook her head, for a moment lost for words.

"You can't. It's too dangerous, it's safer in the Tower."

"It may be safe, but it's so lonely. I feel your absence in everything that I do alone, in every place I go without you. I can't do this any longer. You and Lan are all the family I have. Wherever you are, that is home, that is safety." You wiped a stray tear away that fell down Moiraine's cheek.

"You don't know what it's like out there, (Y/n). I don't want you to get hurt." You chuckle at that. You knew exactly what it was like out there. She told you, not even half of it, but that was enough to get a good picture of it.

Every time she came back, she brought back a new scar. A new wound that needed healing. It was hell knowing she was out there, and you couldn't do anything for her. But now you could.

"It's better to travel with another Ais Sedai at your side. You can't heal yourself, and Lan can't either. I can. I'm a healer, Moiraine. And a pretty good one at that. I can't help you if I'm in the Tower, and you aren't, and one day you'll come back too late. And I won't be able to help you anymore. Please, let me come and be helpful." Moiraine slowly nodded. You cupped her cheeks and kissed her gently.

Looking back you saw the Tower getting smaller and smaller. Looking ahead you saw Moiraine and Lan on their horse talking about the Dragon Reborn. And even though a part of you was scared of everything that was yet to come, you beamed as you thought of your future with them. Your family.

The Wheel's Will

Pairing: Moiraine SedaixReader

Word Count: 3975

Warning: panic attack, character badly hurt, sex, thigh riding, cunnilingus

Request: Hi, I like your fanfics aloot, could you write a moraine x reader where there’s romance angst and smut of course. Where reader is one of the five, and with the time they fell in love 🥰 for the angst something about moraine get hurt very badly in some battle and reader doesn’t know how to channel and they couldn’t help her or maybe a fight between the of them (@nohajnsstuff)

A/n: I hope you like it and it's how you imagined it @nohajnsstuff !!!

■-----------------------------------------■

It had been a long day. The five of you, Moiraine and Lan had travelled far and without break. The sun bad set an hour ago, and it was hard to really see anything between the trees. But Lan kept saying that you couldn't rest here, it was too dangerous. You had to travel further.

You were all tired and didn't really concentrate on your surroundings anymore, when a few Trollocs shot out of the dark. The last time they had crossed your path was at home, in the village. That had been almost a month ago, you had all seen Nynaeve die that day because of these monsters.

Rand and Lan grabbed their swords and jumped off the horses and Moiraine started channelling to fight the Trollocs. Perrin, Egwene, Mat and you felt absolutely useless. You couldn't channel, nor did you have a weapon that would help you in a fight. All you could do was watch and try to scare the Trollocs away with your horses.

Even though it was scary and a situation like this meant fearing for your life, you were being distracted by Moiraine. Sitting on her horse, concentrating, she was channelling and the weaves around her made her look incredibly beautiful. She was the only Ais Sedai you had ever seen, but you were sure no one looked as good as Moiraine when channelling.

Rand was distracted by a Trolloc to your left and Lan was fighting two at a time. So he saw the Trolloc approaching Moiraine just a second to late. When he killed him, his sword had already found its way into Moiraine's shoulder.

You let out a scream and jumped off your horse. Moiraine slowly fell off of hers and Lan caught her mid-air. Rand turned around ready to kill more Trollocs, but froze as he saw Moiraine.

You kneeled at Moiraine's side and pulled her shirt to the side, exposing the wound. Your breath hitched and fear was clearly written all over your face. The others came over as well and Egwene gasped as she saw the wound.

"She can heal herself, right?" You looked at Lan hopeful, but his eyes told you everything. Panic rose in you, "Right?".

"An Ais Sedai can heal everyone else, but never herself." Your eyes flickered up to Lan and back to Moiraine's face, distorted by pain.

"It's alright, (Y/n). I'm fine." Moiraine's voice came out thin and broken. She was not fine, that was clear to all of you standing around her.

Lan looked around you, into the darkness of the woods. He was worried that the Trollocs would come back. He looked at Moiraine and then at the five of you.

"We can't stay here, it's too dangerous. There might be more Trollocs on their way. Can you stand up and ride Moiraine?" She nodded carefully and with your help she stood up. She had a hard time getting up on her horse, but once she was sitting in the saddle it was fine.

You kept an eye on her, riding right beside her at all times. Lan was occupied with looking for Trollocs and a safe place to spend the night and the others were talking to keep their mind off of the things they had seen.

You were incredibly worried. Moiraine's face lost more and more colour, she looked weaker by the minute. The Trolloc poison was infiltrating her. You rode so close to her that you could reach over if she couldn't hold herself up anymore.

"You don't have to do this, (Y/n)." Moiraine looked at you and chuckled, but it came out weaker than usual. Proving your point, that you did have do this.

"Your weak, your skin looks like snow. I won't let you fall off the horse, cause you can't hold yourself up anymore. Let's just hope Lan finds some place to rest. You'll be alright in no time." You wanted to convince yourself more than Moiraine, but she just nodded.

Luckily not much later Lan decided that you could rest now. He had found a clearing with a lot of dry wood to make a fire. You had to keep Moiraine warm, it was the least you could do.

You helped Moiraine down and made her a place to lay down that was a little more comfortable than the bare ground. You didn't leave her side for one second until the next morning.

"Lan, she looks even worse than yesterday. She's white as snow and the wound is getting infected or something. I don't know. We have to get to the Tower, fast." He nodded, you knew that he could feel her pain, all of it. It was hard for you to just see her like this. You couldn't imagine what it must be like for him.

"She can't ride on her own. I'll take her." You went back and woke her up, she was barely awake. Constantly on the verge of unconsciousness. Perrin and Mat helped you get her up on your horse and the seven of you left the clearing.

Egwene rode beside you, looking nearly as worried as you. She gave you a comforting smile, but you weren't sure she believed it herself.

"She'll be alright. She's strong." Perrin said over his shoulder to the two of you. Rand was the only one not saying anything about Moiraine. He had been suspicious of her from the beginning. He annoyed you, she had healed his father, and yet he didn't seem to care about her at all.

A single tear rolled down your cheek, and you held Moiraine closer to you, as if you could prevent her from slipping into unconsciousness completely, if you just held onto her tight enough.

"Be strong, hold on Moiraine. Please." You whispered into her ear and felt her slightly move her head as an answer. Perrin was right, she was strong. She would be okay.

Even when it felt like the wheel didn't want her to be okay. Trollocs attacked you again. Lan and Rand were good, but not that good. There were too many for them to fight on their own. So Lan led you to Shadar Logoth.

It was quiet and abandoned, no one would attack you here. You were safe. Or so you thought.

Lan and you cared for Moiraine. She was still unconscious and very weak. You tried to clean her wound a bit, but it didn't help very much.

"We need Nynaeve. She would know something to do." Egwene stood behind you, looking over your shoulder.

"She would probably be too stubborn to help her." You spat out. It was true, Nynaeve could be incredibly stubborn. Annoyingly stubborn. But she had been Egwene's best friend.

"I'm sorry. I wish Nynaeve was here too." You tried to smile at Egwene, but it came out lopsided and sad. She smiled back and left the hall to look for the others.

A few minutes past before you heard high-pitched screams from the outside. Except for Moiraine, Lan and you all the others were outside. You looked at Lan with panic in your eyes. He stood up and went looking for what was happening. Leaving you and Moiraine alone in the darkness.

As you covered Moiraine with your jacket she woke up and looked around confused. If you remembered correctly, the last time she was awake you had still been in the forest, on your horse. She looked horrible and yet so beautiful. Her face pale as the snow, dark rings around her eyes and hair sticking to her face.

"Where are we?" She whispered. You looked around but couldn't see Lan.

"In some sort of hall in... I think Lan said, it was called Shadar Logoth." Moiraine's weak eyes widened, and she grabbed your hand.

"Where is Lan?" As you turned around to look for him, he was already there. He must have felt, that she was awake. They looked at each other for a second before Moiraine shook her head.

"You've killed us all."

Lan picked Moiraine up and carried her towards the door. Hastily you followed them.

"What's happening?" You left the hall and immediately took a step back, colliding with the closed door behind you.

A black shadow was crawling over everything. The buildings, the stones and floors. It wasn't getting closer, it was rather leaving. Like it was following something, or someone.

"Something dark has been awakened here. Come on, we have to leave." You got on your horse and Lan helped you get Moiraine up in front of you. He got on his own horse and rode off. You followed him, holding Moiraine as close to yourself as you could. You felt her get unconscious again, body falling limp against yours.

"What about the others? We can't leave them!" You shouted at Lan and as he didn't answer you already thought he didn't hear you. But as you crossed the city limits he turned his head around and looked at you.

"We'll find them again." You nodded, feeling paralysed and just followed him. Holding onto Moiraine for dear life.

You rode until you were hidden in the darkness between the trees. Lan jumped off of his horse and helped you put Moiraine down in the soft grass. She was fading away. You didn't need a bond with her to know that.

"I've learnt a bit from Nynaeve. Maybe I can find some herbs that'll still the poison from doing its work. But that's just temporary. We have to get to the Tower."

"Do it. We'll rest for an hour, and then we'll ride to the Tower." So you got to work. You found a few herbs and made a paste out of them.

Going to Moiraine you uncovered the wound and cleaned it a bit. Before you put the paste on, you stroked her cheeks gently.

"This'll hurt Moiraine. It'll sting, but you're strong. You can do this, and in no time we'll be in the Tower, and they can heal you. Everything will be okay." You weren't even sure if she could hear you, but the words were probably more important to you than to her.

Gently you spread the herbs over the wound and the infected parts around it and covered her shoulder with some linen. You sat down in the grass next to her and covered your face with your hands.

Without any warning a sob escaped you. Your body started to shake uncontrollably and tears streamed down your face. All the pressure of the last months, especially since Moiraine was hurt, crushed you beneath its weight.

It felt like your lungs weren't working properly anymore, no air found its way into your system. You couldn't breathe. Your chest felt tight, and the tears didn't stop falling down your face. Panicking you looked up and searched Lan with your eyes.

He was by your side in mere seconds. Kneeling down he held your hand and pulled you into a hug.

"Breath, (Y/n). Its alright, she will be fine. But you have to breathe." Slowly and gently he calmed you down and rocked you in his arms. You felt silly, breaking down like this, when he was right here calm and pulled together. He should be the one crying and panicking. The two of them were bonded, they knew each other longer, better.

After you had calmed down, the two of you packed everything and lifted Moiraine back onto your horse.

You rode day and night, stopping for few breaks. Never longer than one or two hours. You were exhausted, both. But all you could think of was Moiraine. You cleaned her wound, spread new paste, new herbs on it. But nothing really seemed to help.

Lan was strong, for the both of you. Still his facade started to crumble, you could see his fear, his panic growing. Every time he looked at Moiraine's pale, sweaty face.

It had been over a week since you had really slept. More than just a quick nap in between rides. Your whole body hurt, your arms became sore of holding Moiraine up on the horse all day. But it didn't matter, nothing mattered, except for her.

The sun was just rising when you saw the Tower for the first time between the treetops. You gasped and tears formed in your eyes. Relief washed over you and Lan didn't even try to hide his relief anymore.

As you rode through Tar Valon eyes were fixated on you from all sides. They all recognized Moiraine as an Ais Sedai. But you were riding so fast, you couldn't even see individual faces. They all blurred into one big crowd.

Entering the Tower with Moiraine in Lan's arms, multiple Ais Sedai were immediately at your side. Asking questions, wanting to know what happened. Lan dismissed them all and took you and Moiraine to the healers of the yellow ajah.

You were so tired it was hard to even stand up on your feet, so after the Ais Sedai looked for wounds on you, they led you to your own room. You didn't even have the power to argue anymore.

As soon as you had crawled onto the bed, you were asleep.

As you woke up it was completely dark around you. You must have slept for quite a long time. For a second you weren't sure, where you were. But as you felt the soft fabric around you and the cool breeze on your face, you remembered what had happened.

Slowly you sat up and hugged your knees, looking outside into the starry night. You desperately wanted to see Moiraine, but you were scared what you would find if you left your room. You couldn't know for sure if she was alright, if she was still alive.

You weren't sure how much time had passed, when you took up enough courage to get up and leave your room. It could have been five minutes or two hours. You actually had no idea where to go, it was your first time in the Tower after all.

You wandered around a bit before you met a blue Ais Sedai and asked her if she knew where Moiraine was. Without another word she led you to a room close by and left you alone.

Scared of what you would find, you knocked a few times. Upon hearing Moiraine's voice call you in from behind the door, you slowly opened the door and stepped in.

Moiraine sat at her desk and looked up as she heard the door close behind you. She looked healthy, wasn't as pale anymore, and her hair fell over her shoulders, freshly washed.

Tears shot out of your eyes and your hand flew to your mouth trying to silence the sob, that escaped you. Moiraine shot up from her chair and rushed over to you.

"(Y/n), what's wrong?" Her brows were furrowed with worry and confusion.

You slowly raised your hands to her face and cupped her cheek. You needed to feel her under your fingers, to believe that she was actually real.

"You're alive." It came out quieter than planned but the two of you were so close that she still heard you.

Her lips formed a little grin as she wiped your tears away. "Of course I'm alive."

You shook your head violently: "You didn't see yourself, it was... Lan and I weren't sure you'd make it. You were so pale and weak. I didn't think I'd ever hear your voice again. Ever feel your touch again."

Moiraine's eyes widened for a second at that, but she pulled herself together and gently put a strand of your hair behind your ear.

"I've experienced worse, love. Also, my job isn't done yet, and the Wheel knows-..." you cut her off by crashing your lips onto hers. She momentarily froze before grabbing your waist, pulling you closer to her and kissing back. You pull back and look her deep in the eyes, smiling shyly.

"Moiraine, I-", "Don't. Please, I wouldn't know what to do, if you're the Dragon and I would know that you- How you feel for me." You chuckle at her and stroke her cheek.

"Moiraine, I'm not the Dragon. We both know that. I'm older than the others and by far not powerful enough. It's probably Egwene or Rand, everyone can see that. And I-" you kissed her passionately before going on.

"I love you, Moiraine Sedai. And I'm so incredibly happy, that you're alive and well. I was so scared." She closed her eyes and turned her head away as if that would prevent the words from being true. You forced her to face you, even though she was still shaking her head in denial.

"Moiraine, you deserve to be loved." She slowly opened her eyes and looked at you with unspoken pain and fear in her eyes. You wished you could kiss the pain away, could give her the life she truly wanted.

She leaned forward and lightly graced your lips with hers before deepening the kiss. You pressed yourself against her, wanting to be as close as possible to her, feeling as much of her warmth as you could get.

The two of you stumbled backwards until Moiraine hit the bed and fell onto it. She pulled you with her, making you fall on top of her. You supported yourself on your hands on either side of her body and looked down at her.

"You are breathtakingly beautiful." She held your gaze for a moment before laughing and looking away. You were gently kissing her again while you started to take off her shirt and pulled it over her head. It found its way to the floor, just as your jacket and your shirt did.

"I didn't even take a bath, when we came here I fell asleep immediately, and then I came to see you." You panted between kisses, trying to get it out in a straight sentence. Moiraine just kept on kissing you and shook her head as an answer. She didn't care.

Your hand wandered down her body and lightly graced her left nipple. You planted kisses on her neck, over her collarbone and down to her shoulder. You stopped at her now healed wound and carefully stroked over it, before kissing it gently.

With your hand you squeezed her breast and played with her nipple, generating a low groan from Moiraine. You kissed her over her body further and further down. A kiss on her chest, on each breast and nipple, on her stomach and down to the rim of her skirt.

You opened the bow in the front and unwrapped her skirt, taking off all of her clothes completely and throwing them away as well. Having her completely naked right in front of you nearly made you giggle like a teenaged girl, but you managed to pull yourself together.

Your left hand remained on her breast and with the other hand you spread her legs open and held her in place at the waist. Softly you kissed her inner thighs and went upwards until you reached her core. A light kiss and blow on her centre made her shiver and a gasp escaped her. You gently spread her folds with your fingers and licked over her clit. She was practically dripping and you had just started. Your tongue played with her entrance before finding its way onto her clit again. You sucked and licked over it while your finger started to gently and slowly enter her. She shuddered at the touch and let out a low moan.

"(Y/n), please." With mischievous in your eyes you looked up at her and kept on going just as slow as before. You grinned at her before answering.

"Beg." Her eyes widened, and she stared at you, in utter disbelief. Moiraine Sedai didn't beg, and you knew that. But she would have to, if she wanted more.

"Please, (Y/n). Touch me, I need you." You loved the sound of that and as a reward you fastened your pace a little. Thrusting your finger in and out of her faster and sucking on her clit at the same time. After some time you used two fingers and felt her walls slowly tighten around your fingers.

"Oh god, I'm- that's good. Please, I'm close." She covered her mouth with her hand to prevent a loud moan from waking up the whole Tower. She pressed her eyes close together and pushed your head deeper into her as she felt herself getting closer and closer to the release. You licked her clit and simultaneously sucked at it and didn't stop as her release washed over her.

"Yes, love. That's it, ahhh..." With one last muffled scream and your name on her lips she came. Her walls clenched around your fingers, you slowly rode her through the orgasm before pulling your fingers out and licking them clean.

You crawled up again and grinned at her. Kissing her deeply, she could taste herself on your lips. She quietly moaned into the kiss and breathed heavily as you pulled back.

"You looked amazing like this, incredibly beautiful." You said as you stood up from the bed and started to take of the rest of your clothes until you were naked as well.

"Sit up and lean back on the headboard." You told her, it wasn't a question, and she immediately obeyed. She instinctively stretched out her leg and spread them to give you enough room to fit there.

Climbing onto the bed again you sat down on her thigh and let her feel how wet you were. She looked up at you, surprised and flustered that she had this effect on you. She must know, you thought, how beautiful and attractive she is.

Her hands few to your waist to support you, and slowly she started to move you up and down her thigh. At the first friction between your core and her thigh you let out a moan. You had wanted this for such a long time, wanted to feel her, touch her, be hers.

You quickened your pace and held on tightly to Moiraine's shoulders for more support. Her hands were still on your waist, and she swiftly took a nipple into her mouth, as your breasts were exactly in front of her face. At that surprising touch you let out a gasp and dug your nails into her skin.

"Oh, Moiraine. I'm so close-...ahhh..." you moaned her name like a mantra over and over again as you felt yourself approach the edge.

Holding your breath for a second and letting out a loud moan, that you didn't care if anyone heard, you came. Shuddering and gasping you collapsed in Moiraine's lap. She held you tightly as you came down from your high.

After the two of you had calmed down she kissed you gently and stood up to clean herself and came back with a wash cloth to clean you as well. Looking at her care for you, you smiled to yourself. You really didn't deserve her.

She came back to bed and covered you with the sheets and just as you snuggled closer the door opened and Lan came in.

He saw the state the two of you were in and immediately turned around to not make you uncomfortable. He knew Moiraine naked, but not you.

"I apologise. I should have knocked." Moiraine looked at you and you both just burst out laughing. All the stress and fear of the last few days felt so light and unimportant in that very moment. The only thing that matter right now was that you were together. You pulled the sheets a little higher and snuggled closer to Moiraine.

"You can turn around Lan. What is it?"

Left Behind

Pairing: Moiraine Sedai/Reader

Word Count: 2020

Warning: implied sexual activity

Summary: Moiraine left for the Dragon Reborn without saying goodbye or an explanation. Three years later she's back in the Tower.

A/n: I know it's been a long time since I've posted, but a lot happened. In Uni and my personal life, so I didn't have too much time. I'm sorry. I hope you like it. Request: @lovequinnin (I hope its kind of like you wanted it <3)

■----------------------------------------■

You rounded a corner in the Tower and suddenly stood right in front of Lan. For a dreadful second you just stared at him before slowly walking backwards around the corner and fleeing.

If Lan was here, Moiraine wasn't far.

Everything inside of you screamed to go to her. To ask how she'd been, hug her, kiss her. But she had hurt you once, and you didn't want her to do it again. Even after three years, it still hurt. Every day. Every moment. You wouldn't be able to live through that a second time. It would break you, completely and irrevocably. So you just kept your distance.

Which was harder than it sounded. The Tower was big, but not that big. And being a part of the brown Ajah, sitting in the library all day definitely didn't help, when Moiraine needed something from the Library every day.

The first day it was inconvenient, but it wasn't unusual. Everyone needed to go to the library sometimes. The encounter was awkward but bearable. She left as fast as she had come. You barely looked at her, politely but coldly giving her the book she needed. Politely but coldly asking if she needed anything else. And politely but coldly saying goodbye, turning around and going back to work.

The second day it was simply annoying. You dreaded seeing her more often just because she needed a book. You didn't really look up, but just the way she walked, her voice, her presence was enough to make your heart ache.

The fifth day you started to get suspicious. She had come every day for the past five days and everyday it seemed as if she needed a different book. All on topics, that weren't related in any way. It was unusual for Moiraine, she was organised, structured. It didn't fit her way of working.

On the morning of the seventh day you decided to talk to her about it. It was absolutely silly. This game made you go crazy. It was like she wanted to see you hurt. But on this day, for the first time in a week, she didn't come.

Not in the morning, not in the afternoon and not in the evening. It was already dark outside when you left the library, you had stretched your work, secretly hoping she would still come. But she hadn't, and that nearly hurt more than seeing her.

You strolled through the tower absent-mindedly, thinking about Moiraine. You were fighting with yourself. Your heart longed to see her, your brain screamed at you to stay away. To protect yourself, protect your heart.

Apparently the wheel decided to make that decision for you.

As you strolled down the corridor, on your way back to your room, you bumped into someone. You looked up and started an apology, that immediately got stuck in your throat as you saw the face of the person you had run into. It was Moiraine. Of course it was, who else would it be?

You stuttered out a few words, more like sounds, before taking a step back, as you suddenly realised how close you were. You pulled yourself together and straightened up a bit. You dared to look at her, but avoided her eyes. You knew that her eyes would always break you.

"Moiraine." You simply said, voice steady even though you felt your hands tremble slightly.

You saw the corners of her lips rise slightly, her eyes searching for yours.

"(Y/n)." She said softly. You could hear a hint of hope in her voice, a hint of...longing?

"Can I help you?" Your voice was icier than you had intended, but you couldn't pull back anymore. Her smile faded and her shoulders sank just a little bit. Gently she sighed.

"Please, can we talk?" She asked you, voice steady as always. Like it didn’t mean anything to her, at all. You stared at her, speechless. Her voice was steady, so steady she had nearly fooled you. But, just nearly. You sensed how desperate, how helpless she was. Even though she had no right to be. She had no right to be hurt, when she had been the one who had hurt you.

Your mouth opened and closed, your eyes widened a little. You couldn't find the words. So you grabed her arm and pulled her a few metres down the corridor, opened the door of your room and pulled her inside. Thinking about it now, she had probably went to your room earlier, hadn't found you and had just been leaving when you had bumped into her.

"You want to talk? Ok, let's talk." You said, voice filled with rage. Rage that you desperately hoped would hide your pain, would shove your tears down. It was a thin line between rage and hurt.

"(Y/n)..." She started but you harshly cut her off.

"No, you have no right to talk right now. Even coming to the library every single day is just outrageous. You just left. Three years ago, you left. You were just gone one day and never said a word. No letter, no message, no explanation." The words burst out of you, they'd been hidden inside of you for so long. All the hurt, the confusion and the anger just spilled out of you.

You could see the surprise on Moiraine's face, she steped back a little and tried to say something, but you just rambled on. Giving her no room for answers and explanations.

"You left me behind, like all those times together meant nothing to you. Like I meant nothing to you." You abruptly stopped talking as you saw Moiraine's eyes getting wet, her cheeks redden slightly, and her whole body slightly collapsed in on itself.

You wanted to go on, wanted to shout at her, wanted to make her feel everything she had made you feel. But your stupid heart betrayed you, it still beat for her. No words left your mouth. You simply stood there, like you were petrified. After a second you moved again, took a few steps back and sank into a chair.

You rest your head on your hands and looked down, trying hard to keep the tears down. In vain. Just a few slipped out and rolled down your cheeks, but you didn't let Moiraine see them.

You heard her getting closer, slowly, carefully. She stopped, and sighed. As she started to talk, her voice was soft like honey and strong. But it was wavering a bit, just a tiny bit. But you noticed. You'd always notice.

"I'm sorry. I had to leave, it was for your own safety. I couldn't say anything, the Amyrlin Seat forbid me to-..." you cut her off again, though not nearly as harshly as before.

"Since when do you listen to the Amyrlin Seat?" It sounded bitter, but teary.

"Since it meant protecting you." She said. It's raw, full of emotion. Different to what she usually sounds like, and it made you look up. As if to check, if it's still Moiraine who's talking. But it was.

You sighed, the exhaustion of the day and the tears stronger than your rage. For the first time in three years you thought, that maybe she really hadn't meant to hurt you. That maybe she never stopped loving you.

Your voice is quiet, thin as you speak. It's wavering and doesn't sound like your voice. Even to you, it's foreign. You looked down again, not having enough strength to look at her while talking.

"I didn't need your protection. I needed your love. When you left, you took a part of me with you. A part of me I never got back." Your eyes were glued to the floor and a tear falls to the ground. You felt her before you saw her.

She had kneeled down in front of you and gently grabbed your chin between her fingers to lift your head. You tried to turn away, to not lock eyes with her, but her grip was strong. It held you in place, it forced you to look at her.

You saw hurt, pain, regret but most importantly love. Love, like you hadn't seen in three years. Her hand wandered to your cheek and cupped it, softly stroking your skin, wiping a few tears away.

"(Y/n)" she quietly breathed your name. Her name on your lips had always sounded like a promise. Until she broke that promise.

"I'm so sorry for the way I hurt you. It's never what I wanted. Lan had said I shouldn't...but I couldn't risk it. Couldn't risk your safety." The words sounded sincere, like the truth. It sounded, which almost hurt the most, a lot like something Moiraine would do. She had always estimated the value of love far too low. Even if it was her own love, maybe especially when it was her own love.

"Don't you think that should have been my decision?" You asked sadly, smiling bitterly, nearly accusing. She sighed, closing her eyes for a moment. When she opened them, there was determination in them, strength.

"I knew that you would have wanted to come with us. But that wasn't possibly, I couldn't have forgiven myself if... If you'd been hurt." You tilted your head to the side a little, like a curious puppy. Didn't she know? That you would have died for her. You blinked a few times, trying to find fitting words.

"I would have," you replied softly, "I love you."

The tense surprised you both. Of course, you knew that you still loved her, you just hadn't meant to admit that. But she looked at you like she had expected you to hate her. To never feel anything good for her again. Didn't she know? That you'd always love her.

No one dared to say anything, as if it would break the spell. As if it would catapult you back to reality, like this was a dream. You felt her hand still on your cheek, warm and tingling. She doesn't acknowledge it, but she doesn't move it away either.

"Still?" She asked with a thin voice, not much louder than a whisper. Didn't she know?

"Of course. Nothing you could do would ever make me stop loving you."  You saw a tear slowly roll down her cheek. She sucked it up and looked away, fighting against the tears. She slightly shook her head in denial.

"I do. I'll always love you, Moiraine." You gently directed her face back to look at you and dry her tear. Your thumb softly stroked over her lips and slightly parted them. Moiraine's eyes closed and she breathed in shakily.

Slowly, carefully you leaned forward and captured her lips in a kiss. It's a soft kiss, short and careful. It's a question. And Moiraine answerd.

She pressed against your lips, more desperately than you, it nearly felt guilty. Like she wanted to apologise, make up for lost time. Show you, that she cared. That she loved and longed.

You're a little startled by her kiss, but soon you pulled her closer, held her and forgave her. You started taking of her clothes, stood up and draged her to the bed. It was messy, hastily and chaotic. But it was all you needed. Her. By your side.

"I'll come with you." You breathed out quietly against her hair. You were intertwined, under the sheets, arm in arm.

"No, you don't even know where I'm going or what I'm doing." She protested, her voice almost sounded desperate. Desperate to protect you, to keep you safe.

"You won't leave me here again. I'm coming with you." Your voice is steady, calm. You knew you would win the argument, you usually did.

"It's dangerous."

"I don't care. If you'd asked, I would have come with you three years ago." The blunt truth hung in the air. She hadn't left you a choice back then, she had decided for you. You wouldn't let her do that again, and she knew it.

"I'm sorry. We lost so much time together." She whispered softly, and you pulled her closer into your embrace. You placed a soft kiss on her head.

"We'll make up for it."

Secrets and Candor

Chapter 1 : Secrets

Pairing: Laindrin Sedai/Reader

Word Count: about 1800

Warning: Some violence, not really anything bad

Summary: Instead of Nynaeve you find Liandrin and her son, you want to help her. Will she let you? Chapter 2

(Also made a playlist for Liandrin)

A/n: Heyy, I'm back!!! This time not with Moiraine but with Laindrin. I'm just loving Kate Fleetwood atm and Liandrin is super hot ;). Hope someone will like this! Would love a comment, repost or like <3

■----------------------------------------■

You hadn't meant to intrude, and you hadn't meant to upset her. You had merely meant to check that she wouldn't do anything stupid.

You had been walking through the corridor when Liandrin had passed you, hoded and suspiciously fast. Your eyes had followed her and you had seen a little ampoule in her left hand. It was filled with a red substance you recognised as chrimsonthorn. In a high doses deadly. What the hell was she doing with chrimsonthorn?

As she had rounded the corner you had followed her. You had meant to catch up with her and just ask her, but she had been too fast and everytime you had rounded a corner you had simply seen the end of her coat around the next corner. She was too fast. And when you had cought up it was too late to simply ask

You rounded the last corner and suddenly stood in front of an open door. One look inside made you regret having followed Liandrin. She was sat on the side of a bed the hand of an old, very sick man I hers. She was talking to him and stood up, walked over to a little table and put some chrimsonthorn in a carafe and poured boiling hot water on top.

"Now, you must try and get some of this down. It'll take the edge off the pain." Her voice was softer than you had ever heard it before. She moved gently, and tenderly cared for him. Helping him drink some of the chrimsonthorn tea and gently holding his head up.

"There, there, there. Yes, shh. That's better, this is better. Shh." She put the drink down and gently put the mans head down again. She looked at him with pure love and care, and you moved a little closer to the doorframe. Feeling drawn in by her gentleness.

Suddenly she looked up and towards the door and spotted you. Her features immediately hardened and you could nearly see her panic. She straightened up, never letting the man's hand go.

"What are you doing here?" Her voice lacked her usual strength and confidence. It was wavering, slightly breaking. She was definitely panicking.

"The chrimsonthorn, I saw you and I thought you were going to do something stupid." You gently said, already regretting all the decisions you had made in the past fifteen minutes.

"Walk away from this place before I do something we both regret." Her tone was icy and theoretically left no room for arguments, but you weren't just anyone. You looked at her sadly, seeing that -whoever he was- the man meant something to her. And with Liandrin that was rare.

"He's in pain." You gently said and stepped into the room, yet still close to the door. She turned away a little but her eyes remained on you.

"You think I don't know that? I can't heal him." The man wasn't the only one in pain, that was clear by the tone of her voice. Her lip was trembling, like she was holding back tears.

"His hand, it's spasming." You slowly, carefully stepped closer, and her eyes widened at the movement. She was surprised at how bold you were, most people were afraid of her. But you weren't most people and you weren't afraid of her. Especially not if she was in pain, you simply wanted to help.

"It means the pain is in his heart, too. The chrimsonthorn won't help with that. He'll still be hurting when you go." Your tone was gentle, simply explaining, never judging. She looked down at him, panic rising in her. She hadn't known that.

"You need tumeric milk to help smooth the inflammation and I could..." she didn't let you talk any further as her hand shot up and she slapped you right across the face.

"Get out! Before I kill you, you get out!" You looked at her a little surprised. She had screamed the words and yet her voice was cracking, it was thin.

"Liandrin, please let me-" You started again, desperately wanting to help her. You saw her lip tremble, she was close to breaking down in tears. You wanted to reach out, hug her, help her.

"Get out, you stupid woman. Get out, get out!" She cried, the tears now standing in her eyes, threatening to fall. In her desperation she wanted to channel, hit you against the wall, something, anything but you stopped it. Shutting her weave off before it could even really build.

You wanted to help, but saw that it was to no avail and left her be. For now.

Leaving through the corridors near the room, you could hear her cry and apologise to the man. It broke your heart.

A few days had passed since the encounter between you and Liandrin. And it was all you could think about. It was not unusual for Liandrin to spit fire and threaten or insult people. But there had been more to her behaviour. She wasn't simply angry. She had been scared, afraid. She had broken down crying for heaven's sake. That was very unusual for her.

The thought to talk to her had crossed your mind, but something held you back. Not fear. You didn't fear Liandrin Sedai, unlike most. But you didn't want to push her, to cross her boundaries after her previous reaction. And yet, you wanted to help.

The decision was taken from you as Liandrin walked through the door and sat down on the chair without looking at you, or saying anything.

"Liandrin?" At first you didn't understand why she had come until you saw the wound. It wasn't particularly big or dangerous, any Aes Sedai could have healed it. Still, she had come to you. Maybe she did want to talk?

"If you say anything to anyone, I will kill you."

Alright, no talking then, threatening again. You had just started to heal her wound. It didn't take long and a few second later you were already done.

"Liandrin, this is ridiculous." You simply answer as you took your hands back from the wound and your weaves subside. Your words make her look up at you, albeit just for a moment.

"I have no reason to tell anyone about what I saw. I don't even know who the man was. Why would I use this against you? I wanted to explain to you what to do, help ease his pain, because I wanted to help, not get information. I know it's hard for you, but just sometimes, try to trust people."

You see her eyes widen ever so slightly at your last words. Without a word she stands up and goes two steps towards the door. She doesn't turn around, doesn't look at you. But she stops walking for a second.

"He's my son." And she's gone.

The words can't seem to leave your mind. They nearly drive you crazy. You have no explanation for any of the things that happened in the last few days, and you don't actually need one. All you know is, that you want to help. And now, knowing what he means to Liandrin, even more so.

It's late, the corridors are empty and the novices are asleep. You meet no one on your way to Liandrin's room. Thankfully so. As you stand there, looking at the wooden door you hesitate. Should you do this? Are you going too far? She had made it very clear that she wanted you as far away from her son as possible.

Your wish to help did win in the end. You gently knocked and stepped back a little from the door. It didn't take long until you heard soft footsteps and a moment later the door opened.

Liandrin's face appeared, she looked like she had already been ready for bed. Her hair was down and fell over her shoulders completely, her make up was gone and she wasn't wearing her usual clothes anymore. A pale red linen shirt was messily tugged into a pair of dark red trousers. The upper button of the shirt was open and exposed an unusual amount of skin. Your eyes flickered down for a short moment. You weren't sure, if she had noticed.

She looked beautiful, younger, carefree. At least until she fully realised who was outside her room. Her features hardened immediately and she straightened up.

"What do you want?"

"I want to talk."

She immediately tried to shut the door but you reacted fast and held it open. She glared at you, like trying to threaten you just with her eyes.

"Liandrin, please." You persisted and stepped forward. Even if she would have tried she wouldn't have been able to shut the door now. Your body blocked it.

Wordless she turned around and kept the door open. You took it as an invitation to follow, so you did. Gently you closed the door behind you. Liandrin slowly turned around, you had to admit that it looked quiet scary, like an animal ready to fight. And yet, you weren't afraid of her. Her stare was icy and she held her chin high, proud.

You could see through her, she felt vulnerable. Afraid, and she didn't like that you saw her like this. Without her facade of clothes, make up and her usual strict hair.

You took a step forward and she immediately took a step back. You sighed.

"Liandrin, I want to help." Her gaze softened for a moment before she scoffed.

"You stupid woman. Why do you think I would ever trust you?" Her tone was low and steady, yet full of rage and hatred. You thought about your words thoroughly before speaking.

"I already told you, I don't want information. I now know he's your son," she slightly jumped at the mention of her son, "because you told me." You emphasised that last part and held her gaze.

"I don't even want to know anything else. I don't expect you to tell me what happened or why it's the way it is. I just want to help ease his pain. I could accompany you once a week. It'll only take a few minutes." She turned her face away, didn't look you in the eye anymore. You could practically see her think.

"I assume you used the tumeric milk I suggested, cause you're not stupid. You're just afraid." You knew how risky it was to say something like that to Liandrin, but you didn't care.

She looked down and slowly steped closer to you. Her eyes met yours, though hers were filled with rage. You liked how close she was. Why did you like it?

"I will-..." She started talking, tone icy. You interrupted her immediately.

"I'm not scared of you, Liandrin." You stayed calm, held her gaze, didn't shy away. You wanted to reach out, stroke her cheek, take her hand, something. But you didn't. Though it didn't seem to be necessary. She stepped back, looked away and talked.

"I'll get you at dawn. One word to anyone and-..."

"...you'll kill me. I know." You smiled slightly, turned around and left her be. Though not without a last glance at her form, at her carefree state. She met your eyes, confusion just slightly apparent in them and you left.

Whatever had just happened in there, you took it as a win.

Secrets and Candor

Chapter 2 : Emerging Love

Pairing: Laindrin Sedai x Reader

Word Count: about 1400

Warning: none, really

Summary: You're helping Laindrin's son and realise some things Chapter 3

(Also made a playlist for Liandrin)

A/n: Hope you liked the first Chapter, here's the second one. There'll be one more!!

■----------------------------------------■

You were in the middle of getting dressed when someone knocked. You turned to the door and bid her in. Liandrin hesitantly stepped in, it nearly seemed like she was unsure of herself. Of how to act.

"Could you help me? I'll just need the corset tied and then I'm ready." You asked and turned your back to her. You heard her slowly approach and without a word she tied your corset and stepped back again.

When you turned around you looked at her properly. She was in her usual red attire, red dress with a dark corset. Her lipstick was darker than usual, her hair even stricter than other days. It felt harder, like a defence mechanism, to hide vulnerability and seem stronger.

"Lead the way." You gently said and smiled, as you realised that she didn't move a bit and just stared at you. Your words seemed to have pulled her back to reality, her features hardened, her eyes grew colder and she turned to leave the room. You followed.

You walked in complete silence. Liandrin walked fast and didn't once turn to look for you. It felt like she wanted you to loose her, but you kept up with her and never lost sight of her.

The streets were still empty, most shops were still closed and little people seemed to even be awake. It was apparent why Liandrin had chosen this time to visit her son.

Just around the corner of her sons room she stopped walking so abruptly you nearly walked right into her. She turned around sharply and stared at you. Her eyes were threatening you more than words ever could have and yet you saw fear in them. She still didn't really trust you.

"It's okay, Liandrin. I know." You simply said and nodded slightly. And it was the truth, you knew her fear and her vulnerabilities but also all the threats on the tip of her tongue, all the insults and the rage.

You slowly pushed past her and approached the door. Just as you wanted to open the door she was next to you and slapped your hand away from the door handle. You looked up at her surprised.

Wordless she opened the door and entered first. It was incredibly fascinating to see her whole demeanour shift. Her features softened, her whole body sank a little. She looked less proud, less cold.

She approached the bed and gently sat down on the side of it, just like she had the first time you had seen her here. She took her sons hand in hers and stroked it.

"Hello, my love. Wake up, my darling. I'm sorry I didn't come for so long. I brought someone with me. She wants to help you, ease the pain a bit. I'm so sorry I didn't do this before, I didn't want to leave you in pain. I'm sorry." Her voice cracked slightly at the last words, you didn't comment on it. You didn't say anything, just patiently waited by the door. Her gentleness and tender care for him amazed you, never before had to seen this side of her.

She stood up and came over to you. She stood beside you but didn't look at you.

"Be quick about it." She said, voice harder again. But by far not as cold as usual. You nodded and stepped to the bed. His hand was spasming again and you wished to reach for it, but didn't dare to. Afraid that Liandrin would immediately throw you out.

You closed your eyes and reached out, your hands hanging in the air above him. You concentrated and felt the source, felt the power run through you, felt the weaves building around you. You opened your eyes again and watched the weaves weave around the man and do their work. You concentrated them mostly on his heart, because that was where he had the most pain.

It only took a couple of minutes and as you were finished the effect was immediately apparent. He relaxed into the bed and his hand stopped spasming. His features stoftened. You turned to look at Liandrin, smiling gently. You opened your mouth to say something, but she was faster.

"Leave." Her tone was hard, cold. But her eyes were fixated on her son. You wanted to stay, be there for her. Something inside you screamed at you to talk back. Everything in you felt a need to comfort her, be close to her. You nodded and left her alone with her son.

Without ever talking about it a routine had settled. Every week, the same day, the same time -always at dawn- she came to your room and together you visited her son. She never left you alone with him, always observing you, looking over your shoulder like she feared you'd hurt him if did ad much as blink.

You would ease his pain and the second you were finished she would throw you out. Though week by week, she let you stay a little longer. Not much, just mere seconds, but she seemed to accept your presence more and more. Her son seemed much more relaxed and, though you didn't know for sure, you were sure Liandrin did as well.

Week after week you observed more and more of her time alone with her son. Where she had sent you out immediately the first time, she send you out when she had already approached the bed in later weeks. Though always with the same hard and icy tone. Out of her mouth it almost sounded like you had insulted her, not helped her.

You had finished weaving and Liandrin approached the bed, she gently sat down again and leaned closer to her son, taking his hand. She hadn't ordered you to leave yet, so you took that opportunity and stayed. Silently standing next to the bed.

"My darling..." She whispered and smiled. You weren't sure if you had ever seen her genuinely smile. It immediately made you smile as well, your heart fluttering. You realised you always wanted to make her smile. You wanted to be the reason for her happiness. As the realisation settled in your mind, Liandrin looked up and scoffed.

"Why are you still standing there? Haven't you learned by now to leave?" She nearly spit the words out. You were pulled out of your thoughts and opened your mouth to say something but thought better of it. You turned on your heel and left.

The next week, everything went by as usual. Liandrin was outside your room at dawn, you walked in silence, she entered the room and talked to her son very quickly. You channelled to ease his pain and stepped back as you were finished. She sat down on the bed and took his hand. You turned to leave, not wanting to upset her again like the week before. But before you could leave the room she spoke up.

"Stay." You felt a spark inside of you and tried to hide a smile. Slowly you turned around again and looked at her patiently for an explanation. Her eyes were fixated on her son, and she didn't look up even as she spoke.

"Why? Why do you do this?" The question surprised you. You could hear that she had tried to sound like her usual confident and icy self but failed miserably. Her voice was thinner than usual and she sounded vulnerable. You wanted to step closer again but she ordered you to stay back. Her voice having regained some of its coldness. So you stayed back.

"Liandrin, I'm part of the yellow ajah for a reason. I have always wanted to be a healer, help people..." you wanted to hide the actual reason you were doing this. The reason that had always been there since the beginning but had just grown over the weeks. But Liandrin interrupted you sharply.

"Cut the shit. Why do you do this?" Her voice cut sharply through the previous gentleness. You sighed.

"I'm not sure you're ready for that conversation." Was your simple answer, and it actually made her look up. Her eyes widened and she looked nearly offended. No one ever dared to talk to her like that. You could see she wanted to say something but you didn't give her a chance. You left without another word. She looked after you and kept her eyes on the empty spot where you had stood just mere seconds ago for quiet some time after you had left. Her eyes filled with deep betrayal.

Outside the building you leaned against a wall and took a deep, shaky breath. It was a dangerous game the two of you were playing.

Secrets and Candor

Chapter 3 : Candor

Pairing: Laindrin Sedai x Reader

Word Count: about 2000

Warning: some violence, but not much; mention of bad and abusive past (bust just minor)

Summary: You're finally truthful to Liandrin

(Also made a playlist for Liandrin)

A/n: Last Chapter!! Really hope you liked it! Maybe I'll write more for Liandrin <3 I definitely also have a Moiraine fiction planned

■----------------------------------------■

You regretted what you had said. You did almost the second you had left the room. You should have been honest with her, she - albeit in parts against her will - had opened up to you. She had let you into a part of her life that was a complete secret. You owed her just as much candor.

It was all you could think about for the week. Liandrin never left your mind, your dreams or your heart. Her look of utter disbelief and...betrayal? as you had just left her haunted you.

Despite the haunting thoughts the week past quickly and it was time to visit her son again. At dawn you were ready and waited in your room patiently. And you waited. And some more.

After a time you saw fit to wait you left your room. Liandrin was never late. It wasn't in her nature to be late. You rushed through the corridors to her room, a little panicked. Afraid that something was wrong, something had happened.

You knocked on her door. No response. You knocked a little louder. Nothing. Gently you opened the door and stepped inside.

"Liandrin? Are you there?" You asked into the empty room. She wasn't there. No trace of her. You quickly scanned the room. Her clothes, usually draped over a chair were gone, her hod was gone. You had an idea where she was.

You let your eyes wander over her room once more. It smelled like her, it smelled tart and yet fresh, like flowers. You took a deep breath and closed the door.

You made your way through Tar Valon, keeping your head down, trying to not get anyone's attention. Just like Laindrin usually did. You knew how important it was to her to keep her son a secret and you respected that.

As you rounded the corner and stood in front of the open door, you saw Liandrin inside. Again sitting on the side of the bed, her sons hand in hers. Silently you stepped in.

"Liandrin." You gently say, trying not to startle her. You knew she had heard you, yet she didn't look up. Her eyes were fixated on her son. You stepped a little closer.

"Why didn't you come and get me?" You asked and looked a little surprised as she scoffed. Her eyes were still directed to her son, even as she spoke. Her voice was quiet but full of cold rage. You hadn't heard that tone for some weeks now. You had thought she had warmed up to you. Slightly at least.

"You lied to me." You were taken aback. Not just by her icy tone, but by her words. When had you lied to her? You searched for words, but stumbled over them. Your helplessness to find words was like a confirmation to her. She slowly stood up, gently letting the hand of her son go and approached you.

For the first time ever, the look in her eyes frightened you. But not because she frightened you, but because you were afraid that she'd shut you out again. That you'd fall apart.

"Liandrin...I don't know-..." you started talking, but she cut you off. You could feel her start to channel and you were so perplexed by the unfolding of recent events that you couldn't stop her. Without a warning you felt your back hit the wall. She could have used more power, let you smash against the wall. She merely shoved you, a sign for you to still have hope. She wasn't fully behind this.

And yet you were pressed against the wall, not able to move. She approached you, taking elegant and slow steps towards you. Even though you were being threatened by her you felt a rush go through you. The way she looked at you, the way she walked and her hips moved distracted you for a moment.

"I was just starting to trust you, and you lied to me." Her voice was deep, trembling with rage. Your eyes flickered down to her hand, she held it steadily to keep her power on you.

"Liandrin, I didn't lie. What are you talking about?" You desperately tried to explain, find out what was going on.

"Don't lie again!" She screamed, stopping just in front of you. She was as angry as the day you had found her here for the first time.

"I asked you why you did this, why you helped. And you didn't even have the guts to tell me the truth." You turned your face away slightly, though she immediately directed it back to look at her. Her lips were pressed together in a thin line. You were getting tired of this as you had understood what her problem was.

So you showed her power. With a swift motion you broke free and Liandrin fell backwards, though you cought her mid air. As you straightened the both of you up, your face was incredibly close to hers.

"You want the truth? I'll tell you the truth, as I should have last week. But I meant what I said. I don't think you're ready for this conversation. And not because I betrayed you, or because I lied. Because I love you." The words stumbled out, it wasn't exactly what you had wanted to say. You hadn't meant to lay your feelings completely open. You had merely meant to make her understand that you truly cared, but now the words were out and you couldn't take them back.

Laindrin's face fell, her icy stare changed into a shocked one. Albeit just for a moment, as she immediately pulled herself back together. She freed herself from your embrace and stepped away from you.

She kept quiet, her lips trembling every time she opened her mouth. But that was the only thing betraying her facade, making her look vulnerable. Her eyes and her demeanour were icy again. She raised her hand to channel again, but it was trembling.

With two steps you were right in front of her again and embraced her hand with yours. Her eyes widened and she looked down at your hands. Gently you stroked the back of her hand with your thumb, just like she always did with her son.

"Please, Liandrin. Let's not do this in front of your son." You gently spoke. She turned around slightly and looked over her shoulder at her son, like she had nearly forgotten his presence and now felt guilty that she acted like this in front of him. She pulled her hand out of yours and went to her son.

Her features stoftened again and she apologised to him, letting him know she'd be back soon. When she turned to you, she had pulled herself together again. The shock was gone and her lip didn't tremble anymore. Proudly she walked past you and left through the corridors. You followed her quietly.

She didn't stop walking until the both of you had reached the tower again. A few times you tried talking to her but she ignored you every time. So you just fell behind and kept quiet.

As you had reached the tower you followed her through it's endless corridors. She stopped in front of her own room and stepped inside. You were surprised she'd let you into such a private environment, if you had guessed it would have been something much more distant. Something secure for her facade.

Slowly you followed her through the door and closed it behind you. She had her back turned to you and seemed to not take any notice of you. You approached her carefully.

"Liandrin?" Hesitantly you reached out wanting to gently lay your hand on her shoulder, but she shot around before you had a chance. She looked like she was seething with anger. She slapped your hand away, making you gasp in surprise.

"Spare me. I don't want your lies and your games. Spare me of your presence." You were shocked. You had told her the truth and yet she didn't believe you. Aes Sedai were easily able to hide things in-between their words, to not lie but also not directly tell the truth. But saying 'I Love you' left no room to ponder or doubt.

"Liandrin, you forget, just like you I'm an Aes Sedai and not able to lie. I meant what I said. Every word." You spoke, carefully emphasising every word. Trying to truly make her understand. She turned her head away, alowly shaking it in disbelief.

"No, you..." She was desperate, caught in her own disbelief that anyone could love her. In a swift motion she had you against the wall again, this time her power held you in the air. "You're a liar." She spit the words out and approached you. Yet, despite her anger you could see that her eyes were glossy.

"Liandrin, I don't lie to you. I would never, from the start I have been thruthful-..." It was hard to get the words out, as the power pressed against your chest. It felt as if it was taking your breath away, the tightness on your chest making it hard to breath properly.

"Why? Why would you love me?" She screamed the words, boiling inside, her whole body trembling with rage. And though it was angry and loud, you felt her insecurities. You realised that she just couldn't believe that anyone would ever love her. It was a deep rooted disbelief and not necessarily a mistrust in you.

"Moiraine, Alanna, their the ones who are loved. I'm Liandrin Guirale, no one loves me..." She said the words like they were posion, like she wanted to poison anyone with them who dared to think otherwise.

"I do." You croaked out. And locked eyes with her, pleading to let you down, to believe you. "Liandrin, please let me down. It's a little hard to breath." You could see something inside her shift, she hadn't meant to hurt you. Suddenly you fell to the floor and Liandrin just stared down at you. Her whole face showed shock, and panic. One, silent tear fell down her cheek.

You slowly got back on your feet and stepped closer to her, she took a step back. You stepped forward, she stepped back. You sighed.

"I-..." she looked down at her hands, eyes wide. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I-...How can you love me? I'm a monster." Her voice was shaking, you wanted to pull her into your embrace, hug her and hold her. But you didn't.

"Liandrin, you're not a monster. Yes, you've been through hard times and your life hasn't been easy. You've built a wall around you, for protection. A wall that often makes you seem cold and angry. But it doesn't make you a bad person. And it certainly doesn't make you undeserving of love." You carefully explained, looking at her with warmth and love. Patiently you waited for her to talk, to react. She didn't answer. She just sobbed silently, not even daring to look at you.

"Liandrin. You're incredible. How could I not love you?" Carefully you got closer, this time she didn't step away. You reached out and took her hand, it was still trembling. You pulled her into your arms and hugged her.

"You deserve more than a broken, mean bitch like me." She whispered into your shoulder. Your hand layed gently on her back, and the other stroked over her hair.

"Shhh, you're none of these things. I love you, however hard that is for you to believe." You pulled back a little and gently cupped her cheeks. Softly you wiped her tears away and smiled at her.

"Look at you, so beautiful." You whispered softly and saw her eyes widen again. Shyly she looked away but you direct her face back to look at you. With her chin between your fingers you tilt her head up a little and gently capture her lips with yours. The kiss didn't last long, it was simply a way of showing her the truth behind your words.

"Now, shall we visit your son? I still have to ease his pain." You said and wanted to turn back to the door as she grabbed your face and crashed her lips onto yours. She pulled you closer, your body pressed to hers and kissed you roughly. As she pulled back she smirked, although still a little shyly.

"Now, we can leave." Her voice had found it's commanding tone again and you chuckled about it as you followed her out of the room.

Lover to Lover

Chapter 1: The Arches

Pairing: Liandrin Sedai x Reader , Alanna Sedai x Reader (platonic)

Word Count: about 3300

Warning: character death, rape, vomiting, choking, bleeding

Summary: You're a novice in the tower and are ready to go through the Arches. You face your biggest fears, past, present and future and have a talk with Liandrin afterwards. Chapter 2

A/n: So, yet another Liandrin fanfic, I'm just absolutely in love with her!! Obviously, she isn't part of the Black Ajah here. Next, I'll probably write a Moiraine fanfic again, which is already in the making. Hope you like it <3

■----------------------------------------■

Alanna stepped forward and helped you take of your dress and your shoes. You stood in front of them in nothing more than your chemise. Before Alanna stepped away with your clothes she leaned a little closer.

"You can do this, don't doubt your ability." You smiled at her weakly and turned around to look at the Arches again. Your hands were trembling, and your heart was racing. There was no doubt about it: you were scared even before you had to face your greatest fears. This is going to be such a disaster, you thought.

"Whatever awaits you, you must face it with nothing but your wits. Not even the one power will be available to you inside the Arches." Sheriam Sedai softly spoke, and you looked at her over your shoulder. All three of them looked like they were just as scared as you, which didn't really lift your spirits.

You saw them close their eyes, concentrate and start to channel. Your eyes found their way back to the Arches.

"The way back will come but once." Sheriam Sedai said behind you and you saw their weaves flow around you and activate the Arches. The ornaments started to glow blue, and it looked like a blurry mirror had replaced the empty air of the first Arch.

You looked over at Alanna, who nodded reassuringly and slowly walked through the Arch. The first thing that you saw was darkness, presumably the ground that you had just fallen onto face first.

Slowly you stood up and knocked the dirt off your clothes. You weren't wearing the white chemise anymore. In its place was a dress in sage green with a white apron tied over it. You recognised the clothes immediately. You had worn them only once, when they had been freshly bought and never again after that day.

You started to panic, you had an idea what you would have to experience again. And you definitely didn't want to. You looked around you, immediately recognising the forest you were in. It was the forest just by the village you had grown up in. It wasn't particularly big but beautiful to walk through, with a little clearing to sit in the grass.

You and your sister had loved exploring the forest when you were little. Looking at all the different plants and flowers, learning what they could do, what they could heal. Observing the birds and animals.

"Faile! Where are you?" You started to scream for your sister, hopeful that it wasn't too late yet. That, with your knowledge, you could still save her. Like a maniac you started to run through the woods and screamed her name again and again. You couldn't find her and secretly thought that maybe you had been wrong about the day. About what was going to happen.

You weren't. Just as you wanted to leave the forest you heard a scream, high-pitched and most definitely from your sister. Your heartbeat increased immediately, and you turned to the direction of the sound. Another scream, and your name. You started running rather uncoordinated and nearly tripped over a stone.

The screams became louder and suddenly you saw her. She lay on the ground between leafs and wood, a hooded man bent over her. His hand was on her throat and Faile was gasping, she obviously couldn't breathe. Her dress was shoved up, and the man moved between her legs. Faile tried to kick him away, but the man held her down. You felt sick, like you had to throw up. Turning away, you tried to tell yourself it wasn't real. But it looked real, it felt real, it was real.

"Don't touch my sister." You shouted, and the man's head shot around, he stopped moving though his hand still strangled Faile. You approached him and tried to get him off of your sister, but he just shoved you away. You felt grown up, but that day in the forest you had just been nine years old. Small and easy to shove away for a grown man. You fell backwards into the mud, tears streaming over your face. A streak of blood flowed down your arm where you had cut yourself on a stone.

Your sister was turning pale, she didn't gasp as much anymore, and you knew what was happening. You had seen it before. Her whole body was trembling, though not for much longer. You screamed for her, for your mother, for your father, hoping they'd hear you. But no one came.

"The way back will come but once." Sheriam Sedai's voice faintly echoed through the woods and you shot around. A few feet behind you an Arch appeared. It was a little translucent and looked like it could disappear any second. The edges glowed blue just like they had in the tower, when the Aes Sedai had activated it. With a panicked look back at your dying sister you stumbled over wood and mud through the Arch and fell onto the stone ground, crying.

Not a second later you felt cold water fall on you. Looking up a little, you saw Leane Sedai through tears. A big stone jug in hand and looking down at you, she spoke.

"You are washed clean of your sins and the sins committed against you. You come to us pure in heart and soul." Leane stepped away, a sob escaped you, and you whispered your sisters name into the cold. She was dead, and dead she would stay. Forever.

Alanna was at your side and helped you stand up. Her eyes conveyed pure sadness and understanding, but her mouth spoke something else.

"You're brave, you have to go on. Through the next Arch." You stared at her, like you had forgotten there even were more Arches. Slowly you looked behind you and saw the other two. Could you really do this again? Tow more times?

"Was it real? Could I have changed something?" You whispered to her, voice still thin and quivering. She gently shook her head.

"No one knows." She let go of your arm and stepped back to her sisters again. You turned to face the second Arch as it started glowing just like the first had done and Sheriam spoke.

"The way back will come but once." The second Arch was ready, and you bravely stepped through it against all your instincts.

For a moment all you saw was light and suddenly, like it hit you right in the face, you knew where you were. You were standing at your sisters grave. Although it was not closed and decorated with flowers like usually, it was open.

Carefully, hesitantly you took a look inside. There wad nothing but dirt. No corpse, that was good. Wasn't it? But why was it open then? You turned and looked around you, there was no one. No one on the whole graveyard. So you started walking in the direction of home. Of your parents, of presumed safety.

You left the graveyard and walked up the little hill that separated the graveyard from the village. It was just a little trail in the grass that people had used for decades. On top of the hill you had a good view of the village, it looked just like always. Just like the last time you had been there. Nothing seemed to have changed at all.

Last time you had sent a message home, your parents had told you everything was fine. Everyone was well. Your brother's apprenticeship with the baker was going well, and he liked the job. Your grandma hadn't gotten any sicker. The village was just like you had left it. Though that last message had been three months ago. A lot could happen in three months, you knew that.

You slowly started walking down the hill towards the village. Half way there you spotted someone. No, not just someone. Your grandmother. She was walking slowly, head down and heavily leaning on a walking stick. You wanted to shout, let her know you were there. But the words got stuck in your throat as you realised who followed her. Six people, one of them your little brother, carrying a wooden board. It was filled with flowers that were overlapping at the sides. Most of them were chrysanthemums, your dads favourite flowers. Between the flowers you could faintly make out the form of a person. It didn't take a lot of hard thinking to understand who that was.

A scream escaped you as you fell to your knees. At that your grandmother looked up and from behind your brother, your mother looked at you. As she saw you, she came running towards you, falling to her knees at your side. She pulled you into her arms rocking you gently as you cried. Her hand softly stroked your back, she didn't ask questions. She didn't ask how you had come here, why you had come, she simply held you.

A few minutes later, your grandma, the six carriers and the rest of the village that followed them walked by you. On shaky legs you stood up, your arm linked with your mother's. Together you followed them to the grave. Your brother and the other five men let the wooden board down and set it next to the grave. In mere seconds your arms were wrapped around your brother. He was crying, you were crying, and suddenly you felt nine again. Taking your big sister to her grave with your little brother by your side. He had been just two at the time, not really understanding anything.

You felt for your grandmother, taking her only son to the grave. That's not how it was supposed to. But, her son had taken a child to her grave as well. Maybe that curse just ran in your family. Maybe that would happen to all of you one day. She stood bravely, didn't cry, didn't complain. She simply embraced you and told you everything would be alright.

"We missed you, little bird." She whispered into the hug and more tears found its way down your cheeks. You freed yourself from the hug and turned to your father's corpse. Just as you wanted to kneel down, say a farewell you heard something.

"The way back will come but once." It was faint, like a whisper in the wind. And yet you understood. You had to leave. And you would never see your father again. You blew him a teary kiss and whispered a goodbye, before walking towards the glowing Arch. You heard your brother asking where you were going, why you were leaving again. You didn't dare turn around, or you would have stayed.

Stumbling though the Arch, you came to an abrupt halt as you saw Alanna. She noticed the tears on your face and her features softened, smiling sadly before she washed you clean with water, just like Leane Sedai had after the first Arch.

"You are washed clean of your sins and the sins committed against you. You come to us pure in heart and soul." She spoke and checked you for injuries but found none. Stepping back she put down the jug and stood back in line with Leane and Sheriam.

"My father-... He..." you croaked out, desperately wanting to tell someone. Desperately wanting to hear that it wasn't real, that he was still alive. But you remembered Alanna's words. No one knows.

Alanna gently shook her head to silence you and, just like her sisters, turned to the last Arch. The middle one. You wiped away your tears and turned to the Arch as well. Taking in a deep breath you tried to straighten yourself up. I didn't quiet work.

"The way back will come but once."

This time you walked through the Arch slowly, tired of the pain, tired of seeing your loved ones die around you. Again light hit you, and you blinked a few times to see your surroundings. A little surprised you realised that you were sat on a horse. You looked down, and saw that you weren't in clothes of a novice anymore. Your sleeves were embroidered with the colours of the different Ajahs. You were an Accepted.

A look around told you that you were on some sort of mission. You could see Alanna and her warders, Maksim and Ihvon. Next to her on a horse was Moiraine followed quietly by Lan. A few Reds and a yellow sister also accompanied you. The Reds of course didn't have any warders. One Red in particular caught your eye. It was Liandrin. She looked ahead proudly, picture perfect posture and didn't talk a word with anyone.

You wanted to ride a little faster and catch up with her but at that moment you heard an awful sound somewhere between the trees. It sounded very close and yet you couldn't see anything. Everyone's heads snapped around and stared into the direction of the sound. The sound was easily recognisable as Trollocs. Panic rose in you, you had only ever heard of them, and that had been enough for you. You had no desire to actually meet them.

The sounds got louder and there was most definitely something coming towards you. All the Aes Sedai got ready to channel, and their warders pulled out their weapons. You faintly heard Alanna say something and a second later Maksim was at your side.

"I don't need your protection. You're Alanna's warder. Not mine." You snap at him, you hadn't meant to sound so mean. But you were scared and probably did need his protection, though you didn't want to admit that. Her looked at you and grinned, he looked right through you. In all the time that Alanna had taught you, Maksim and Ihvon had spent a lot of time with you as well and you had become close.

"Sorry, maybe I do." You mumbled a little sheepish and he laughed. Before he could say something a Trolloc roared through the woods and shortly after that you also saw it. It was a horrible sight. It was huge and had tusks like a boar, just three times that big. It was partly covered in fur, which looked like it was covered in blood in some parts. You practically felt your pulse and heartbeat quicken. Behind the first Trolloc you could see many more that all ran towards you. The earth seemed to tremble under their steps. Your horse instinctively took a step back, but you didn't complain.

Everyone around you had started to channel and use their power to protect the group. Lan and Ihvon had jumped off their horses and stood in front of you with their swords in hand, ready to fight. You closed your eyes and concentrated on your weaves, everyone else was fighting, why not you? As you opened them again and expected to see weaves around you, you were momentarily dumbfounded when you couldn't see any weaves of your own.

You tried again, nothing. Why the hell couldn't you channel? You looked around again, everyone else was doing it. You straightened up and concentrated very hard, but not even a single spark appeared. You looked at Maksim, who raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"I can't channel." You stated, as if that wasn't obvious even to him. He just wanted to answer as your head shot a little further to the side, and you looked past him. It was Liandrin who had caught your eye, she had just been in the middle of channelling as a dagger hit her right in the stomach. A dagger full of Trolloc poison. She gasped and fell of her horse backwards. In mere seconds you had jumped off your horse and ran to her. Maksim was shouting something but you ignored him.

You fell to your knees at her side and stared at her bleeding wound. You didn't know what to do so you just pulled the dagger out, hoping that the poison would maybe not become too much then. She groaned as the dagger once again moved through her flesh.

"I know, it hurts. Someone'll help you, I'm sure. Hold on, Lia." You felt hot tears run down your cheek and your hands were covered in blood, the blood that kept soaking Liandrin's clothes as it left the wound.

"I've never learned how to... I can't help you." You desperately sobbed, while Liandrin tried to speak. No words came out, she was choking on her own blood that seemed to make its way up her trachea. Maksim stood behind you, you could feel it. He kneeled at your side and put a hand on your shoulder. You violently shook it off.

"Help me, get Alanna or the yellow sister. Please, Maksim." You stared at him, completely panicked, but he just shook his head. The battle was still going on, though you didn't notice any of it. It felt like the world had stopped around you. The only thing you saw and heard was Liandrin, her blood, her choking.

"You stupid Reds, if you had warders this wouldn't have happened." You snapped at her, though your heart wasn't behind it. The words came out rather wobbly and full of tears. You could practically see Liandrin slip away in your arms, by now not just her clothes were covered in blood but yours as well.

"Maksim, do something. Please, I know you don't like her but..." you sobbed but Maksim just gently held your arm. He knew it was too late for Liandrin, and deep down you knew it as well. You just didn't want it to be true. Someone interrupted you and you looked up confused.

"The way back will come but once." Sheriam Sedai's voice rang out. You slowly looked ahead and again saw the glowing Arch. You looked down at the dying Liandrin and, leaning down, you gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead. As you stood up Maksim's eyes followed you, but he didn't say anything. You felt sick as you fell through the Arch and immediately threw up on the stone ground. Luckily the water that hit you washed the vomit away.

"You are washed clean of your sins and the sins committed against you." Sheriam Sedai spoke and stepped back. Alanna helped you stand up again and looked you up and down, a shocked expression on her face. You looked down as well. Your chemise was completely covered in blood, as were your hands and arms.

"It's not my blood." You croaked out and nearly didn't recognise your own voice. Relief washed over her face. Though you weren't relieved at all. You felt like someone had pulled all your organs out and had left you completely empty.

Sheriam stepped forward and Leane stood by her side. You had the faint idea that Alanna was probably supposed to step away from you and stand at Sheriam's side as well, but she didn't move one millimetre. And you were thankful for it.

Sheriam smiled, for you there was nothing to smile about. You had just seen three of the most important people in your life die. And it had felt as real as this moment right now. Still you tried to look a little more confident, straightening up and wiping some tears away.

"You come to us pure in heart and soul. You are (Y/n) (L/n), Accepted of the White Tower." Sheriam Sedai spoke and reached out to you, holding a great serpent ring in her hand. It was still empty, without any sort of indication to an Ajah as you yet had to choose one.

"You may wear the ring on the third finger of your left hand, and only there." She spoke, and your trembling hand took the ring from her and put it on. You looked at it, it seemed to small, so banal compared to what you had just been through.

"Thank you, Sheriam Sedai and Leane Sedai." You spoke quietly. And looked over to Alanna. All you wanted right now was to leave. Thankfully she understood.

"Come on, let's get you cleaned up." She softly spoke, got your dress and shoes and led you to her own room. Soon you would get a bigger room as well, all the Accepted had bigger rooms. But right now you still had the small room of a novice, which meant no bath. And Alanna understood that you weren't in the mood for a public bath. Luckily she had her own bath.

For you, everything just happened in a daze, and suddenly you felt yourself being covered by clean and soft linen and your head hit a pillow.

Lover to Lover

Chapter 2: Resolutions

Pairing: Liandrin Sedai x Reader, Alanna Sedai x Reader (platonic)

Word Count: about 2700

Warning: mention of character death, nsfw, jealousy sex, fingering

Summary: After you've gone through the Arches and slept a bit, you go and talk to Liandrin, though she doesn't seem to care very much.

A/n: Second and last Chapter!! Hope you love it, I'd be happy about a repost or a comment, love you guys <3

■----------------------------------------■

It was dawn when you awoke again. Looking around you, you weren't sure where exactly you were for a moment. But when you saw Alanna, recent events came back into your mind. You were an Accepted now. And your father was dead. The two things made you feel miserable and proud at the same time, and you were not sure how to handle the conflicting emotions.

Alanna approached you and sat down on the edge of the bed. Her bed, you realised. She had given up her bed for you, and you immediately felt bad about it.

"I've got fresh clothes for you, and your new room is available. Your things have already been brought there." She handed you the clothes, embroidered with the colours of the Ajahs at the sleeves. She stood up and turned away, an indication for you to get changed. So you did, a little distracted by the ring on your finger for a moment. You had never been one for jewellery, your hand felt unusually heavy. After you were clothed you let your fingers run over the stitched colours on your wrists. It felt surreal. It felt like a dream, like you were still inside the Arch and any second now something horrible would happen. But it didn't.

Alanna showed you to your new room and left you alone. You felt lost, the room was at least three times as big as your old one. There were barely enough things in your possession to fill the room. It looked just like any other room, not like your room.

Your possessions had been little when you had come to the Tower and as a novice you weren't allowed to leave the tower without an allowance. Alanna had been generous, often allowing you to accompany her to Tar Valon. You had seen most of the city, but had little money to buy things.

One thing had a special place on your night stand. A small wooden figurine that you had liked on the market. You hadn't had any money to buy it, but apparently Liandrin had observed you and bought it for you, because one day later she had brought it to your room. You cherished it like the apple of your eye, even though you were aware that at that time she had still tried to get you on her side. It had been in your early days in the tower and you and Liandrin hadn't yet known each other very well. So it had been more manipulation than kindness.

As you looked at the little figurine, you remembered the third Arch and the feeling of Liandrin in your arms, dying. You shot up from the bed and practically ran out of your room. On your way to her room, you slowed a little and pulled yourself together again.

Gently you knocked on her door, but no one opened. You knocked once more, nothing. Slowly you opened the door and took a step inside. Your eyes scanned the room but didn't see her. Just as you wanted to turn around and leave, you saw her. She was on the little balcony that her room had. Not many rooms in the tower had a balcony, but of course the Liandrin Sedai had a room with a balcony.

Quietly you closed the door behind you and walked onto the balcony. You stopped and just stared at her back for a moment, relief washed over you. Of course, you had theoretically known that she was still alive, but her death had felt so real. It was hard to ignore that. Would she have been someone else, you would have fallen around her neck and held her tightly. But she was Liandrin, so you didn't so that and simply stepped closer.

Just as she did, you leaned on the railing next to her and stared ahead. Her eyes didn't even flicker over to you, but you could see she was a little surprised.

"What are you doing here?" She snapped and you looked at her. Her eyes were fixed on the horizon, her posture was perfect as always and conveyed confidence. You didn't say anything and simply held your hand up, the one with the ring on it. Now her eyes flickered down to your hand, and you thought you had seen a spark of pride in them. But it was gone as fast as it had appeared.

"I hope Alanna is proud of her little pet. She'll definitely be happy to have gained an Accepted to teach." Her words were filled with venom, and she spit them out like they could poison her as well. You pulled your hand back and looked at her appalled.

"Really? That's all you have to say?" You ask in disbelief and scoff. That woman had nerves, truly. She didn't answer.

"I came here to ask you if you'd like to teach me, now that I'm an Accepted. And all you can muster is jealousy, not even any sort of praise or kind word?" Her eyes widened a little, but she pulled herself together very quickly. She shifted and turned her body in your direction, now just supporting herself on the railing with one hand.

"Why would you want me to teach you? You clearly didn't want that before." She held her chin high, proudly. She nearly looked a little arrogant. Who were you joking, she usually did.

"Because you weren't allowed, Liandrin. I wasn't going to risk your position." You said confused.

What did she think your reasons were? Did she really think you hadn't wanted her as a mentor? She could be so daft. She looked a little surprised, never really having thought about this possibility.

"You are such an idiot. I always wanted you to teach me, and now you're allowed to. So will you?" You ask, nearly doubting if she'll say yes. Before you had talked to her, you had been sure she would say yes. You looked at her, waiting for an answer. She silently nodded and turned away.

"Yes, I'll teach you."

"Alright. Now, will you finally ask?" You kept your eyes on her, even as she had turned away. You sounded almost a little annoyed, no one would ever dare to talk to Liandrin like that. But you were close enough, at least you liked to think that. And she always let you.

"Ask what?" You scoffed at her. Was this a bad joke? She slowly turned her head to look at you again. She wasn't joking, you could see that. She was dead serious.

"You do know what I just did to become an Accepted, don't you? That I went through the Arches?" You raised your voice, getting angry. Why was she acting so icy? She usually didn't act like this with you. Not anymore at least.

"And? Did you see Alanna being disappointed in you? Whatever else could you be scared of? You're a picture prefect student, with a picture prefect life." You stepped back a little, mouth open. No words escaped you, as you just didn't find any fitting once. Why on earth couldn't she get over Alanna?

"I really don't get why you're acting like this Liandrin, but for your information. I saw my sister being raped and dying, just as I did when I was nine years old. I saw my father being buried, so I know that I'll never see him again. And I saw you dying in my arms, because I wasn't able to heal you." You felt tears rise in you, and you wanted to turn away and leave but Liandrin caught your arm. You violently tried to shake her off, but her grip was too tight.

"What did you just say?" She asked, dumbfounded.

"You heard me. And I actually came her to see that you're well, and alive. To reassure myself and maybe get a hug. I'm not sure how I could have been so stupid as to think you'd hug me. To think you'd ever feel the same for me. But all you've got for me is jealousy and venom. Is it so bad that you didn't get to teach me, that you didn't get to infiltrate me and manipulate me into being a red?" You spit the words out, voice raised even though it broke a little as your throat tightened from the tears. She stared at you, utterly confused. For the first time since you had known her, she wasn't in control of her facial expression.

Suddenly she swiftly pulled you closer and let go of your arm. But before you could turn away again she harshly grabbed your face and crashed her lips onto yours. It was an angry kiss and caught you completely off guard. A slight gasp escaped you, and you stumbled a little backwards, supporting yourself on the railing behind you. For a moment you thought you'd simply fall over it and down into your death, but Liandrin wrapped her arm around you and held you close. Every single thought simply left your mind, it was completely filled with Liandrin. With the way her lips felt on yours, the way her arm was wrapped around you.

Though the kiss was harsh, it was filled with passion. Liandrin's mouth opened and, like you were being controlled by her, yours immediately did the same. You felt yourself getting lost in the kiss, her tongue running over your lip and her arm steadily holding you close. As you both ran out of breath, the kiss was broken.

Breathing heavily you stared at her, utterly outraged. She still held you close, so your face was mere inches apart from hers. A condition that made it very hard to think straight. Literally.

"What in lights name was that, Liandrin?" You asked her and freed yourself from her grip. She let go, and you immediately stepped back, needing some space to get your mind back to work. She looked confused and opened her mouth to speak. Then she closed it again. Liandrin Sedai was speechless, rarely had you seen that. She found her voice again and spoke, softer than before.

"Did you not like it?" She carefully asked, completely missing the point of your question. If on purpose or not, you weren't sure. You rolled your eyes and chuckled.

"Yes, I liked it. But you-..." you searched for the right words and didn't miss the way the corners of her lips twitched upwards at your words. "... you seem to not care about me being an Accepted now, or what I saw in the Arches at all. And suddenly you kiss me, like there is no tomorrow." You throw your hands up, and tilt your head in question.

"Of course I care, don't be ridiculous." She huffed and looked away from you, eyes fixed on the horizon again. You nod mockingly.

"An interesting way of showing it, for sure. Not asking in the first place and then mocking me and Alanna. What actually is your problem with Alanna?" She desperately tried to avoid eye contact with you, nearly like she was embarrassed by something. And at that moment it suddenly all made sense.

"My god, you're jealous." Now she looked at you, eyes filled with rage again. She stepped closer to you, as if to threaten you.

"I am not jealous." She hissed the words out between gritted teeth, but you just chuckled.

"Oh, yes you are. You thought I had chosen Alanna over you. You foolish idiot. I tried to protect your position, and while I like Alanna, I don't like her how you think I do." Liandrin's body visibly relaxed, and her eyes softened a bit, the rage having dissolved.

"I think I might have to make you jealous more often, if you then kiss me like that." You chuckle a little, teasing her. You knew you were treading dangerous paths, but with Liandrin most paths were dangerous.

She was still incredibly close, so close you could feel her breath on your lips. And mere seconds later also her lips. Because she had been so close her lips had met yours so suddenly that to hadn't had any time to take notice of it until you were already kissing back. She took a few steps forward, which resulted in you having to step back until your back hit a wall. Her lips remained on yours the whole time.

She reached down to the brim of your dress and shoved it up, her hand running over your naked leg up to your naked thigh. She didn't waist any time, nor did she even try to be gentle. She didn't hurt you, she never would, but she certainly didn't care for romance right now. You felt a shiver run down your spine as her cold hands touched your skin. In mere seconds her fingers had found your centre and roughly pushed your underwear aside. Two fingers immediately slipped inside making you gasp out loud. Desperately wanting to hold on to something your hand found its way onto her waist where you dug your nails into her clothes.

"Next time, behave and don't make me jealous again." She spoke, quietly but commanding. The tone in her voice just aroused you more. You managed a grin between gasps.

"But the result is so wonderful." You pressed out, and immediately she thrust deeper into you harshly, locking eyes with you. She wanted to show you who was in control, wanted to keep the upper hand. You'd work that out with her, but for now you were quite pleased with it.

Every time she thrust into you the palm of her hand inevitably rubbed over your clit, making you moan desperately. You could feel yourself getting closer and closer to climax, so you gently cupped her cheek and locked eyes with her. You wanted to see her beautiful eyes and wanted her to watch you, to see every little gasp and twitch that you produced. Her face was so close to yours, your noses nearly touched. She captured your bottom lip between her teeth and pulled your lips into another kiss. Your whole body shivered and as she buried her fingers deep inside you, hitting sensitive spots, you gasped into the kiss, mouth hanging open and your fingers dug themselves deeper into her clothes. You felt pleasure run through you and make you tense. She grinned, as she could feel you clench around her fingers.

That grin, that beautiful face was all you needed to come. Eyes locked with hers a loud moan rolled over your lips and your knees felt like they might give in and make you fall down. Liandrin thankfully held you up, so that you didn't. Your breaths came in short gasps and the grin didn't leave Liandrin's face, like it was glued on. You felt her slowly pull her fingers out and withdraw from under your skirt.

"Clean me, will you?" She held her fingers out to you, and you eagerly wrapped your lips around them. Holding eye contact with her, you let your tongue run over them until they were clean.

As you calmed your breathing down, the two of you remained just as close together. You let your eyes wander over her face, and suddenly you had the urge to pull her into a hug, as the pictures from the Arch found its way back into your mind. You tightly held onto her and hid your face in her hair. Hesitantly she reached around you and hugged you back.

"It looked so realistic, for a second I was convinced it was true." You whispered into her hair, so quietly she nearly hadn't heard it. Her hand slowly stroked your back. An unusually tender action for her.

"What do you mean?" Her voice was also unusually soft.

"In the Arch. You died, in my arms. And I could heal you, couldn't save you. And when I came out for a second I thought you were actually dead." Your throat tightened a bit, so you stopped talking before the tears could overwhelm you. Her embrace around you tightened a bit.

"No ghost made you gasp like that, little one." She spoke teasingly and yet there was an undeniable softness to her voice. She wanted to reassure you, comfort you. She just wasn't really sure how. Still, it made you chuckle, so it had worked.

"Good point."