Lofty - Tumblr Posts
Incorrect Ttte Quotes 283:
*Percy is in the Mashed universe as Bob the Cowboy Builder is talking to them*
Mashed's Bob: Listen ya scum. You better put a good opening song for me or else I'm going to sell you for scrap!
Percy: Are you trying to make me scared? Because I'm not even nervous in the slightest. Also, if you kill me. Wait until my lawyers and family hear about this.
Mashed's Bob: ........Ugh, fine....
*The opening of the video "Bob the Cowboy Builder" starts playing as Percy starts rapping*
Percy: 🎵Big up all you jammers, scammers, white vanners🎵
Percy: 🎵BOB THE BUILDER🎵
Percy: 🎵HE AIN'T BUILDING SHIT NONE🎵
Percy: 🎵BOB THE BUILDER🎵
Percy: 🎵NOT A LITTLE BIT SON🎵
Percy:🎵PISSING IN-🎵
*Percy then sees Mashed's Bob pissing in somebody's sink with his *ahem* sausage out while drinking a bottle of liquor*
Percy: OH WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!?!??!
Percy: NAH, FUCK THIS. I'M OUT OF HERE!!!!!! *Starts storming out* FIND ANOTHER RAPPER YOU UNCULTURED SWINE!!!!
*Later, Lofty is with Percy as he tries to find something to cleanse his eyes*
Lofty: Are you okay Percy?
Percy: *Scrambling through a box* Oh boy! I hope that this box has a bottle of bleach in it!
Percy:
'CAUSE I NEED ONE!!!!!!
Is Lofty a member of the Wonka family or does he just like to keep things purely professional?
Lofty likes to *think* he keeps things purely professional, but he has a soft spot for Willy's kid(s). And by that, I mean he is less of a curmudgeon to them. He acts like he simply tolerates them but is secretly rather fond of them.
Now the gears are turning. Perhaps a Bean and Lofty story? I'm thinking Willy has to take a business call, so he asks Lofty to keep an eye on Bean. Chaos ensues. Y'all let me know if you want to see this!
Masterlist
Babysitter
For those of you looking forward to Lofty's appearance in the My Little Cocoa Bean series, your wait is over!
Summary: Willy needs a babysitter ASAP. Lofty steps in begrudgingly. Ben/Bean is 5, and Charlotte/Charlie is about a year old (and crawling).
C/W: Derogatory remark toward children. Babysitter loses track of child. Minor injury.
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It took time for Lofty to grow accustomed to Ben's regular presence at the factory. He found the squirming tiny human tolerable when confined to that silly wrap on Willy's chest. Cute, even. But the fondness waned when the boy became mobile and was fully exhausted once he started to talk. Ben made a habit of following Lofty around, asking the most inane questions. "What are you doing?" "Why are you orange?" "Can I have green hair, too?" He was oblivious to Lofty's exasperation.
On the rare occasion when there were long spells between Ben's visits, though, Lofty would ask after him. "When can we expect the little troll again? I'm not used to actually being able to get my work done without tripping over him." Willy would just laugh and shake his head. He could see right through that callous exterior.
Today was the first day that Willy took both Ben *and* Charlotte with him to the factory. Lofty scoffed when he saw the family enter. "Two of them. Fantastic," he said flatly. He gave Ben the usual side eye, though Willy saw the small smile that lit up Lofty's face when he thought nobody was looking.
Willy had just gotten the children settled in the office when he spied an entry on his desk calendar. "Oh no, no no no! That can't be today!"
"What's wrong, Papa?"
"I have a very important meeting at 9 this morning that I thought was scheduled for tomorrow." He paled and scrubbed a hand down his face. You were at work today as well, and Willy knew how much it meant to you to start back again after Charlotte's birth. There was no way he was going to pull you away because he mismanaged his schedule. Noodle was at school, and there was not enough time for your parents to cross town to watch the kids. "Oh boy. I'll just have to ask Lofty."
Willy pulled out his fife to summon the little orange man. "Lofty, I need to ask a favor. Can you keep an eye on Bean and Charlie, keep them out of trouble just long enough for me to meet with the chameleon flower importer?" Willy implored.
"And why would I want to do that?" Lofty asked incredulously.
"Please, Lofty. If the deal works out, we'll have the ingredients again for those color-changing candies you like so much."
Lofty placed his hand on his chin in thought. "I suppose I can look after your crotch goblins. JUST for a limited period of time. JUST this once!"
Ignoring the jab at his babies for the time being, Willy gratefully shook Lofty's hand. "You're a lifesaver. Here's Charlie's nap and feeding schedule and her bottles. Here are Bean's snacks. I need to go brush off my coat and hat. This shouldn't take more than an hour, tops." Willy left the office in a whirl. "And Bean, stay away from the edge of the chocolate river!" he called out from the other end of the hallway.
Ben and Lofty just sat and stared at each other, not knowing what to do next. Charlotte seemed sufficiently entertained by chewing on her hands and babbling.
"Well, you two are more boring than guarding cocoa beans," Lofty lamented after a few moments had passed. "I need to go count bags of sugar. I will be back in two shakes of a lamb's tail. Take this whistle and blow on it if you need my attention. Keep an eye on your- hold on a moment, where is the newer one?"
Both he and Ben spun around to look, but Charlotte was nowhere to be seen. Unbeknownst to Lofty, the little girl was already quite proficient at crawling - something that Willy had failed to mention.
"Charlie? Charlieeeeeee!" Ben called out.
"Ba ba ba ba." They heard her babble in the distance in response to Ben's voice. Their heads swiveled until they caught sight of her crawling over the candy bridge. The bridge over the chocolate river. The bridge that does not have any rails to prevent someone from fa-
"Oh, good heavens. Charlotte, stop right this instant!" Lofty yelled. Thankfully, the girl paused. "How did she get all the way over there so quickly? How did she even get out of the office?"
Ben ran toward her, but Charlotte giggled and resumed crawling away at a faster pace, making a game of it. Lofty ran after both of them, but Ben's longer legs (even at 5 years old) prevailed. Ben would have caught up to the baby, too, had he not tripped over a group of candy toadstools at the base of the bridge. The poor boy fell forward and scraped his hands. Fat tears rolled down his face from the stinging pain and from losing sight of his sister again.
Lofty quickly looked Ben over once he finally caught up. "Buck up, you'll be alright. Get back on the proverbial horse. We need to find Charlotte. We know she went that way," he pointed across the river. "Let's split up. If you find her, blow the whistle."
Lofty pulled the boy back up off the ground. Together, they crossed the bridge. Ben went left and Lofty went right, each calling for the girl in hopes she would giggle or babble again. After what felt like hours of searching and chasing phantom sounds across the garden, they crossed paths under the chocolate cherry tree.
"I can't find Charlie!" Ben sobbed. The stoic Oompa Loompa was also nearly reduced to tears by that point as well. Willy would surely cast him out, just like he was exiled from Loompaland. Or worse.
A soft noise pulled Lofty from his downward spiral. It sounded like the tree was...snoring? He circled the trunk to find the source. "What on Earth? Benjamin, come look!" he whisper-yelled to the boy. Ben knelt down and spotted his baby sister cuddled up in a hollow at the base of the tree...asleep. Neither of them were big enough to pick her up and carry her back to the office, so they let her be.
"Stay here," Lofty instructed. "I will go find something to clean up the scrapes on your hands. If she wakes, you give her a great big bear hug and don't let go until I get back."
Lofty went to the storeroom to grab some rags and water. When he returned, Ben was asleep, curled up protectively in front of the den Charlotte had made for herself. He couldn't help but smile at the sight. The poor rascal had exhausted himself worrying over his sister. He didn't dare wake them for fear of playing another round of hide and seek. Instead, he sat down and leaned back against the trunk of the tree to-
Next thing Lofty knew, he felt a tap on his boot. He blinked the sleep away and spotted Willy's tall, lanky frame. Apparently, he had dozed off, too, and in his sleep had leaned over so that his head was resting on Ben's shoulder.
Lofty jolted up and looked to make sure both children were accounted for. Willy snickered. "Don't worry, Lofty. Your curmudgeonly reputation is safe with me. I won't tell anyone you were cuddling with my kids as if you actually like them." He winked.
"Cuddling! I...These menaces?" Lofty stammered. "Really, Mr. Wonka. I sincerely hope you don't plan on bringing more of these small humans to the factory. Now, can I expect to have more of those delightful color-changing candies again soon?"
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A/N: Ben will tell all once he wakes. Charlotte is going to be a handful!
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Masterlist
Lofty has officially made his debut into the "My Little Cocoa Bean" series:
Is Lofty a member of the Wonka family or does he just like to keep things purely professional?
Lofty likes to *think* he keeps things purely professional, but he has a soft spot for Willy's kid(s). And by that, I mean he is less of a curmudgeon to them. He acts like he simply tolerates them but is secretly rather fond of them.
Now the gears are turning. Perhaps a Bean and Lofty story? I'm thinking Willy has to take a business call, so he asks Lofty to keep an eye on Bean. Chaos ensues. Y'all let me know if you want to see this!
Masterlist
I ship it!
Look, Lofty I kissed you because, I find you attractive. Because you are kind and decent and generous, and they are very attractive qualities. I’m sorry for getting my signals wrong but…I’m not sorry for loving you, a little bit.