Lopez - Tumblr Posts

You know I am disappointed that no one in the rvb fandom’s long and crack-filled history

took a moment to have an au where Lopez falls in love with church

Like Lopez and Sheila are just two bisexual ai in a strait presenting relationship in cannon.

It is a very bi thing to start a revolution/uprising

The idea of Lopez coming too only to see a (slightly broken) smart ai stretching out right in front of him and not taking a nano second or five to check out his code before panicking over the fact:

A) that’s a blue

B) that’s a male(?)

C) does this make me gay??

F) wait do I technically have a gender??

And twenty more existential crises and one failed attempt to literally run from his problems later he says ‘fuck it’ and just tries to seduce one dumb smart ai

————-

Church: ok which one of you asswipes keeps breaking into my room and l leaving me erotic binary?!

Tucker: dude, the fact that you understand binary so well that you know it’s erotic is kind of sad..

Church: WAS IT YOU??!

Tucker: no!? Why would I waste time with you when I could copy and paste some shit off of google and hand it to a lady??

Church: I DON’T KNOW! All I do know is that it’s like twenty pages long and smells like motor oil.

————

Lopez: step one, do not be attracted to the blue team leader

Church not looking up from his laptop: hey Lopez, command just sent out our monthly munitions and just decided to send the tank supplies anyway even though Sheila is on the fritz. Do me a favor and have a five finger discount on any motor oil and spare parts you like. *muttering*god knows no one else in this side of the goddamn cannon would know what to do with it

Lopez: I have failed step one

——————

Sarge: Lopez how could you fall in love with the enemy?! A harlot who will only break your very combustible heart!

Lopez: I get free oil from a hot ai who gives zero shits. It’s meant to be.

Grif: hold on sarge how do know he’s been at the blue from his own free will? Maybe he’s been brainwashed or they put a bomb inside him or something!

Lopez: nope. Literally just the booze and hot dude.

Sarge: no it’s no use I can see it in his eyes! He’s loveblind!

Simmons: HE DOESN’T EVEN HAVE EYES!

Sarge: I know it’s hard to look past the rose petals and red tint but you godda Lopez! You just godda! You’re like a son to me!

Lopez: I could literally care less.

————————

*Shelia turns back on*

Lopez: WHY IS IT THAT ALL THE HOT AI GO TO BLUE TEAM?!!

——————

Church: hey Lopez is there any way I can hop a ride with you without doing the possession thing? Because I am done with the rest of the team and honestly you don’t make me want to rip my hair out so you are on my ok side right now so I don’t want to be dick.

Lopez: this is sudden I need a moment

Church: why?

Lopez: I get sweaty when I am nervous.

~~~~~~~~

*after they get church situated in a port-like system*

Church: man! This is actually pretty nice! You know how to roll out the red carpet for a guy huh Lopez?

*church stretches and accidentally brushes against one of Lopez’s code*

Church: shit! Sorry! Uh you good dude? Because I just felt your motor do something funky.

Lopez: *Basically on the fritz due to the code equivalent of church grabbing his hips*

I know that I might get some looks for this but it is what I wish you to consider

Sarge, Grif, Simmons, Donut, and Lopez watching TV being a family would be pretty fun! -spookyourpressure

Sorry for taking so long, Anon! I hope this is what you had in mind! It was kind of fun to write, though I’ve still got to work on getting into the character’s voices.On another note, I’ve decided to leave short rvb requests open indefinitely! Drop them in my inbox and I’ll write them as I get to them.

“Not this again!” Grif groaned loudly as he hovered behind the old decrepit couch where his teammates were sitting.

He had been dragged from the bliss of his mid-evening nap by an unholy commotion in the next room. A large part of him had wanted to roll over and let whatever revolution was sweeping Red Base continue without him. A smaller but much more persuasive impulse told him that he didn’t want to die today and had him on his feet. What he found was less of a revolution and more of a hostage situation. Evidently someone had dug the old projector out from under the communal pile of junk and spare parts and set it up against one of the base’s bare walls. Sarge, Simmons, and Donut all sat with their eyes transfixed on the title screen of Mama Mia!, which they had all seen at least a dozen times. How Donut had gotten ahold of that old-as-dirt piece of crap was beyond Grif. If he was going to smuggle in movies, why couldn’t he at least smuggle in something good? Or, you know, not hundreds of years old. (“It’s a classic!” Donut would always insist.) “Quiet, dirtbag! I’m missing the previews!” Sarge snapped. “The previews.” Grif said slowly. “For movies that came out more than a hundred years ago. On a movie that you’ve already seen.” Sarge’s growl threatened murder (or worse, actual work) when he was less preoccupied. The only way Donut even gotten away with hosting these movie nights was with Sarge’s permission. And Sarge only consented to watching the same damn movie over and over again because of his weird fascination with Meryl Streep – whoever that was. But apparently Sarge wouldn’t mind sharing a trench with her. Grif was reasonably certain Simmons hated the movie about as much as he did, but the coward would never say anything. He would plaster on the fakest smile Grif had ever seen and kiss Sarge’s ass all the way through the opening credits. “Esto no era un uso eficiente de mi tiempo.” Lopez announced as he shuffled into the room with a large bowl. The couch being full, he was relegated to the floor, container in hand. Sarge grinned broadly. “Yahtzee! I had Lopez whip us up some popcorn!” He eyed Grif expectantly. “You stayin’ or goin’, Nancy?” Popcorn? Where the hell had they been hiding popcorn? He could smell the butter from where he was standing. “Aw fuck.” He grumbled before taking a seat beside Lopez on the floor, digging his hand eagerly into the bowl. Just like that, they had him. He found himself sinking into the familiar and oddly comforting routine of movie night; Sarge commentating loudly and aggressively on the main character’s life choices, Donut bursting into song at every opportunity, and Simmons energetically pretending to care.

The movie really wasn’t that bad.