Minho Oneshots - Tumblr Posts

Im nothing compared to you but I'll keep my eyes closed

Sad! Minho × reader / Angst

From strangers to lovers again

Part I : I'm nothing compared to you...

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Minho is sitting on the bar stool with sagging shoulders as he tiredly runs his hand over half his face. The bartender in front of him refills his round glass, which Minhos immediately grabs and presses to his lips. His head filled as if it was going to fall to the side at any moment and land on the ground. But even then he would just lie limp there and probably wouldn't have the strength to pull himself up again.

It hurts too much for a moment. And even if it was due to his destroyed mental situation, it spreads physically to him and he drinks the bitter stuff down to escape that even faster. Hangs his head while the neon purple light shines through the unfilled bar. It was a fancy place. One and another of the other guest were playing billiards behind him, laughing while a group of girls sitting a few chairs further beside him, chatting away. But Minho didn't care about these people when he let the smoke out and drooped his head that became heavier after time. Close shortly his eyes before starring at the counter in front of him. Let his thought flowing across his mind which were more then cruel. Unendureable.

With the lighted cigarette on his lips again, he barely catches a pair of eyes that came from one of the women who glanced at him, laughing softly as she checked him off. The other women probably try to persuade their friend to speak to him. They were possibly older than him. Dressed more elegantly in contrast to his torn trousers and his large black jacket. It wasn't clear what they wanted from someone like him. However, for no important moment did Minho have his attention on her. Perhaps his eyes were briefly in their direction without being aware of it. Minho's mind was at the same time far away but still with him to let him hold on to the emotions he wants to get rid of. There was no room for the rest of the shit.

The pain was too buried in him, flowing into his thoughts. Staring at an empty space and pulling on the cigarette he is holding between his fingers. The smoke quickly leaves his mouth, flying upwards as his head starts to ache and his body is numb from the heavy alcohol. Everything revolves in him and his environment feels too spurious. He couldn't stay here longer.

The beautiful woman with the elegant dress who is about to ask him is leaning towards him at the moment when he is already getting up drunk. Showing her just the cold shoulder and only keeping his eyes on the way to the bathroom. The girl turns back disappointed to her friends, and like always begins to talking bad about him ,,Fucking fuckboy".

With his shoulders hanging, he walks along the cold, lighted hallway in a daze. Everything revolves around him and he felt sick. He was even worse off than before and the feelings he had tried to drink away were only intensified by the alcohol. He only felt the pain more intensely. As if it were the only thing he is forced to be bound to. He couldn't shake the feeling of sadness and despair away. Had no idea how to do to get rid of it.

For a moment he lost control over his body. Catches himself against the wall with his hand to prevent him from falling to the cold floor. He takes with hazy mind his time before Arriving at the small open bathroom after turning. With his head hanging, he holds on to the sink with both hands spreading out. Lifts his gaze to look at himself in the mirror and only stares at his reflection with cloudy eyes.

He looked the way he felt too. Shitty and miserable. Turning on the water, only the neon red lights that shone from the bar illuminate him. Holding his fingers down for a moment, he feels the cold water flowing against his skin, but the feeling was just numb. It's like his mind is completely somewhere else than where his body is. And he could already guess where it had disapears. to her. It was with her. Of course.

God, the thought of her was enough to desperately run his wet fingers over his face before he straightened up again. Holding a new cigarette to his lips and burn it up with the broken red lighter that belonged to her. The toxic nicotine took in and breath in his body before he breathed out the amount of smoke. His movements too hasty than they usually were. He just want to diseapear. He want all of this shitty feelings to diseapear.

Did she feel the same? So damn miserable and broken like she could die any minute? How long did she have to deal with the feelings alone before she finally revealed it to him that day and drew the line? He let the line draw without stopping her at all. Without assurance that day. That damn day. Minho's head shook as the conversation reappeared in his head.

,,I'm just saying that I feel lonely here without you, Minho. I'm done going to bed alone every damn day and then waking up alone again, "I explain to him, looking for the conversation when he comes back from his quick shower. It's something after midnight and not even an hour since he left his Dance practice to come home. It was the earliest time to catch him although I should be glad he showed up at all. There were days when he didn't come home to me for days. And when he did then he left so early before I could even woke up. Coming So late that I was already asleep. There were days when I hardly heard from him for days.

,, Really, (y/n)? Isn't that getting old? Even for you "He doesn't take me seriously. Standing at the counter in the kitchen, pours water from the water jug. Has the gray towel hanging over his shoulder. His hair is still wet and he wore his sleeping clothes on his body. Of course, he wants to go to bed going instead of spending time with me. We were both tired at the end of the day. Minho maybe even more than me because of his strict schedule, but still I couldn't break the hope that he would take our little time together as a priority. Is that too selfish from me to ask?

His posture alone shows how tired he is from the hard work today. His only wish just to go to bed. And for a moment I open my mouth to tell him that it's okay and we can forget it for today. He can then go to bed to get his desired sleep. It was my love for him that wanted to give in and let him in pieces. But the love for myself that kept me from saying the words. No, I couldn't go on like that anymore.

,,Minho. I can't- "

,,then you should never have gotten involved with me "he breaks through my sentence, leaving me speechless with surprise. He let the words slide over his lips as easily as if he's not interessed to know how much i suffer. As if it was my fault so I have to deal with this on my own."If you can't stand it," he has finished filling the glass, but it doesn't look like he's still drinking it. "Then you don't have to stay and suffer any longer, do you?" They were words that I hadn't expected and that I wasn't prepared for. Was that what I got when I opened up my feelings to my lover? No, that was- "What?" I ask dryly, my voice breaks at the end, "What did you say?" But Minho stares coldly at me. ,,You understood me"

Leave or stay. So it was that easy for him.

He knows it. He knows that he should never say these words. Even in that moment he knew.But they left his lips without even considering the effect. How much he now wished that he could only take the words back. Minho turns around from the mirror with weak movements and steps out of the bathroom of the bar. God, he couldn't do that anymore. The conversation repeats itself over and over again in his head. It didn't matter how hard he tried to swallow it, her voice was sticking through his head.

"Is it that easy for you?" I throw reproachfully and incredulously into the room. Can't believe how he doesn't care about all of this.

,,What else can I say about it?" His voice as if it would be from a stranger, ,,You clearly don't love me enough to accept me." He’s accusing me now, moves away from the counter. Begin to doubts me whereupon I laugh sarcastically out of frustration. "Right?" He pulls on when I fire back, "This is ridiculous" looking at him again. However, he seriously pointed at me with piercing eyes: "You didn't deny it", "Because it's not about that" I try to take up my point of view again, which Minho doesn't allow a bit. 

,,Of course, it's about something like that. You act selfish. I should already be in bed instead you decided to stress me out with such topics. Do you even think of me for a moment? "

,,I fucking do, Minho" I defend myself against his accusation, "I always think of you. You have always been my top priority." I let him know, now not as aggressive as the times before. Try again to explain him how important this topic is for me. And for a moment minho stands still and just listened. For a moment,,but I also want to be yours, as I always have been. ". And with that minhos discontent built up again ,,Oh god not again," he sighs out loud, as if he couldn't hear this shit anymore. Driving his hands across his face in frustration as he turns away from me.

Walking back down the long, narrow corridor, he can already see the counter and his seat again, where the alcohol is still ready for him. Another attempt to numb the pain. It was a damn vicious circle and he was well aware of it. Neither alcohol nor nicotine could rid him of what was chaining him.

His eyes move disinterestedly to the group of women who are looking bitter and arrogant at him. Minho clicks his tongue in annoyance as he ignores them. Looking away tiredly and not paying attention to those around him. Better said, is not capable of it.

“Minho, I feel really broken. It's hell if you don't sleep next to me "I try to swallow a sob. Our voice are loud enough so that anyone who walks thru the hallyway could defiently hear us.

"Have you ever thought that you could be the reason why I am not coming home" he replies bitterly. Defends himself with self-protective attitude and an uplifting anger. Comes in my direction, but he's still too far away from me. As if he would can't stand to be near me. "I can't stand to be next to you anymore."

That was a lie. That was such a shameless, gross lie back then. All he wanted was to be around her. He loved her so much. He still does, but anyway, no matter what he tried, it wasn't good enough. He should have tried more. But he didn't even have to do that. He should have just explained how hard he was trying instead of letting off his frustration on her. She would have understood, just as she always did before.

Minho's shoulder bangs hard against another pair whereupon he stumbles and the other guy also trip slightly. Minho couldn't care less. ,,Dude, watch the fuck out" the stranger curse at Minho, who just wanted to continue his way with lowered eyes till this words cross his ears. He definitely blamed the alcohol in his blood for his impulsive reaction otherwise he would have ignored him as usual.

"Sometimes you're really a terrible person" I let him know with a painful expression but fiery eyes.

Minho looks at him with blank dead eyes, annoyed. ,,You popped into me, you fucker" he lets the other person look irritably at him. "How was that?" The stranger takes a menacing step towards Minho, who returns his gaze unimpressed. ,,You’re not able to walk and now you’re mute too?". His hands find Minho's collar which he tugs angrily at. Minho's disinterested expression only made him more racy. "Take care of your dirty mouth, you son of a bitch"

But before either of them can react, his friend interferes and pulls his friend back by the shoulders. So that he loses the hold of Minho a little. “Let the shit with him get away from you. We're not here to fight, "he says to him, noting that Minho is in a drunken, bad mentall shape. While his friend only takes his eyes off Minho as soon as he has been convinced. He pushes away from Minho endlessly, wanting to turn away.

,,Yes, of course. It's me again. "he fires back bitterly, ignoring the pain hiding behind my voice. He was just as hurt as I was on this point. But his ego was too strong to swallow the next words. ,,And that's the reason why i wish we would be finally fucking done. "his words hit me more than they should. They made my heart beat in pain and literally crushed it. And that was the point where I finally had enough. "Fuck you, Minho"

,,Fuck you, man,“´the guy throws those last  words at him, but the younger one isn't finished with him yet. Minho's tight grip turns him quickly and  grabs him by the collar. His eyes are almost Burning. It wasn’t the smartest thing to do by someone drunk who was barely able to stand on his own feet. But Minho couldn't help himself.. "You fucking bumped into me and then blame me for it. And you think you can just go now?" Minho asks in an uplifting voice, looking straight into his eyes. it was really stupid. God, he know it himself. His grip on the next words tighten ,,You should watch your way, son of a bitch" and minho's fist hits his face. With strength so that the other stumbles, hisses in pain and holds his burning cheek. And there was the Damage already made. It doesn't take a second before the guy pushes Minho and hits him across the face, who's feeling numb but is aware of the pain.

,, Now you have the nerve to say such things, but who was there when the self-doubt took over you and you saw no other way out than to give up dancing-” ,,Better hold back your next words, (y/n)” my first warning that didn’t stop my next words to slide out of my mouth.

Minho hits painfully the Ground, touches the beaten spot that hurts like shit. Fuck him off. He can feel the pair of eyes from the guy, who receives a curse from his friend , on him without even looking up. ,,it’s enough now” his friend growls angrily. Rougly pull his friend away while minho’s chest rises and falls as he breathes heavily. 

,,You were at the Ground, Minho. You were alone and lonely. Nobody was there. How even could they? You pushed everyone away from you and let no one come near you. And everything got worse- ”my voice breaks, but every word is audible. Minho heard every single word clearly. ,,(Y / N), one more word-”my eyes watering from that Point on.

Minho gets off the floor. With his brow furrowed together, he holds himself straight till he feel the Ground under his feet again. Before Walking towards the guy who turn his back again towards him. “Apologize, you wanker” His foot bangs against his back, hits it hard so that the victim swings forward. With the weight falls on the decoration table and crush to the Ground. The things fall on top of him.

 “When you got kicked out before your debut because you weren't good enough. Your doubts almost eaten you up and you were down. Always called me because you didn't- "" Enough- "his body trembles with rage as I bring his worst memory back to life I couldn't have hurt him more painfully than with the words I roll over my mouth. He warned me but we both know I crossed the line a long time ago.Just how he did.

Now the other has lost his patience not only with his friend but also with Minho. Grab him by the collar before throw a Punch at his face.That spark an argument. Minho struck where he had to believe that it was a human like-looking being and took just as much as he gives. But the blows that fell on him were only vague given his condition. The pain was there, the insults and provocations that slide over his lips, did not let his opponent be friendly with him. Minho defended himself but ...

,,because you wasn't able Sleep from fear and sadness. I had to call chan because you were no longer able to-”

Minho hit the second one enough so that he would hit the wall but the another one catch minho at that short time and pulled him to the ground. Built himself over him and hit the younger one.

A loud noise makes me flinch and my words stand unspoken in the room, but I've said enough. Enough that Minho’s body shakes with anger and the pain is clearly visible in his face. The broken vase now lies on the floor between us. The shattered pieces spread across the floor so that we can't find a way to each other. The flowers he bought for me two weeks ago lay lifeless on the whole mess. It was damn ironic how much the picture in front of us reflected our relationship just at one glance.

Minho clenched his teeth as he tried to slam the guy away from him, hissing and cursing. He tasted blood, but from that point on he didn't care. It was relief and just too heavenly to feel something different from the feeling that had been dragging its way into his chest for many weeks and months. Covering one pain with another. Even if it was only for a Moment.

,, Do you even know what you're saying? "I ask trembling, the tears are already rolling down my cheeks as I claw my hands on the fabric of my sweater. ,, oh i fucking do." He spilled back, still angry at me. "If I always have to listen to this shit from you when I come home, then I will never enter this house again" "Fine. Then don't do it, you asshole" I spit back.

Minho hears footsteps approaching them from nearby before the next moment the weight that was on him was torn away. Minho still hears the racy words from the guy who is being prevented by guests and his friend from attacking Minho again. At the same moment he is pulled from the ground by the plump bartender. His grip is around the drunken man so he won't do any more stupid things. As if he would.

Minho had enough for the night and saw no reason to deal with this shit any further. His head throbbed, his body strained from the whole fight. He didn't want to be here anymore. Not with the feeling in his chest that made him feel so small. Minho pulls himself away from the grip of the older man, straightening his jacket and after one last dead glance at the people around him, he moves away from them and walks purposefully towards the exit.

That night the most disgusting, ruthless words that could have spoken left our mouths. We hurt each other until we take advantage of each other's weak points. In the midst of the chaos, we forgot the reason for the argument that started. But neither of us decided to take back the cruel spoken words. We both knew that even then, the words could no longer be taken back. Not with the damage that has been done. It was too late.

Minho walks across the empty asphal.Stressed, grabs his thick hair with his head hanging down. God. Groaning inwardly, he lets himself fall against the already closed store. His back hits the metallic material as he leans his head back against the cold metal.

Minho is now finally fed up with all of this. Can't stand it in the same room with me anymore and turns his back on me to walk towards the exit, ,,Where do you think you are going? " I ask him irritably as I notice his next move. Nothing new to what I'm not used to at Minho. But just to accepting that; i was done with it. ,,Wherever. Just get away from here, ”he replies bitterly, no longer looking back at me. 

And with my next words I make him hold still in his next movements.

"If you walk out of this door now, then we're over" my voice shudders with despair and anger. My eyes bore on his back, which been turn into my direction. His chest still moving quickly with anger. And i couldn't see his face now but i know, that he was so tired like me to that point. I didn't want the words to slip out of my lips, but as much as I knew that I was putting him in such a desperate situation, I knew that I had reached my limit with this too.

I prayed that he would turn around. That he would try to understand me and we could try to talk this out. Going to bed peacefully together, like the last time,which was weeks ago. Blame on his busy schedule. I had too much faith in this relationship. Believed that we could climb every hurdle together but in the end ...

Cars are driving the road past him. Most of them on their way to coming home and let themselves fall on the bed to get the sleep they look Forward to. Maybe even if they were lucky enough, they'll find themselves in the arms of a loved one tonight. But Minho had none of it. No more. Not a place to call home. Neither a lover who he can call his and into whose arms he could fall. He spent his nights lying wide awake with the tormenting thoughts that circled through his head and did not let him get a little bit of sleep. And it was all his fault.

Without looking back again, the door slams loudly behind Minho, who has made his decision after a moment's hesitation. As soon as he's gone, I feel like the world around me suddenly falls apart. Collapses on me and I slowly slide to the ground. The tears that had dried broke out again and rolled down my cheek. The only thing that echoed through the room was my loud crying and the sound of me gasping for breath. it was quiet for a while before an meow sounds and I look to the side to see our, rather Minho's cat looking at me with worried and curious eyes. I tried to keep my crying silent but I couldn't hold it back. and it only got worse when I see Soonie's leg bleeding. She must have injured herself on the broken pieces on the floor. Minhos and my chaos didn't just bleed us. Literally. If Minho could see her now. Quickly picking up Soonie, I push back the more tears that want to come up. I hug her tightly, hold her against my chest and carry her to the bathroom to take care of her. Cleaning up the wound and simplify her healing process. I just wish there was something that could heal my pain.

Minho didn't think long when he took his cell phone out of his pocket and entered the month untouched number that he wanted to call several times. But he always decided against it. He leans his head back, that was pounding, closes his eyes while holding the receiver to his ear. It beeps on the other line. Once. Twice. For seconds. Too long. Minho gets this only in a hazy way anyway. It wasn't about fact whether she will pick up or not. It was all about just saying the words he was dying to get rid of.

He pushes himself off the wall as he took his time. His head needs time to get the words out of his mouth. It was all about time. "Hey" he wanted to let out the first words willfully but nothing came of it. His voice was barely louder than a whisper and it didn't sound really gentle either. ,,Honestly, I knew you could be like this. You can be pretty cruel, "he says with a broken voice before he smiles slightly sarcastically with despair," All this shit driving me fucking mad. And I have the feeling that I'm going crazy ”he bites his lower lip and unintentionally tears it open, which is why it bleeds easily. Minho doesn't care.

“I wish i would have a Person now. Someone who holds me tight and heals me from this pain" he pours out, grimacing in pain. “A-And i-God.I want you back. I n-need you, you know? I am nothing compared to you. Nothing without you ”he says freely, taking a long time to leave the sentences out. His head is not working smoothly and yet his words couldn't be truer. God, if he could he would tell her all these words right here now. But that should be enough to burden him a Little less. Even if in small quantities.

"So could you please" he asks softly into the receiver, "be that person again?"

There is silence as he exhales and stays still. This should be enough for now. He better stop before Breaking completly Tonight.

He takes the receiver from his ear and tries to break off the mailbox with half-closed eyes.

But his limbs freeze and his heart stops with his movements as he looks down at the display.

The call has already been picked up. 

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