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DEAR MAN

A DBT Skill for Interpersonal Effectiveness

Use this skill to help you get what you need without damaging relationships or compromising your integrity.

Describe: State the facts of the situation.

Express: Use I-statements to express your feelings and take responsibility for them. I-statements prevent the other person from getting defensive.

Assert: Assert yourself by asking for what you need or by saying no firmly. Speak simply and clearly.

Reinforce: Make sure the other person knows what they will gain by granting your request. It’s important to reinforce that the relationship is a two-way street.

(Stay) Mindful: Stay focused on the conversion. If the person starts getting defensive, keep the conversation on track.

Appear Confident: Regardless of how you feel on the inside, project confidence with your body language; stand or sit up straight with your head held high, voice clear and strong, and make eye contact.

Negotiate: If the person isn’t on board with your request, remember that you are asking for something, not making demands. Modify your request to make it more appealing to them, and/or try asking them their thoughts on solving the problem together.

*More DBT guides here*