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As my younger siblings get older, it makes me absolutely delighted to get to share things with them. I watched 10 Things I Hate About You with one of my younger sisters the other day and she loves it. And the same thing goes for lots of other movies, shows, books, songs (one of my older sisters used to tell me that the reason I didn't like Coldplay was because I wasn't old enough to appreciate it, and I was mad about that but she was right. I listen to and enjoy Coldplay now) but also this isn't just about favorite medias. Like, I also get to share stories and thoughts and opinions in a way that's just different from when they were little little. Like I'm all about treating kids like adults and talking to them about their valid opinions and ideas. But it's different when they get to be around teen age.
The bar was so low it was practically a tripping hazard in Hell, yet here you are, limbo dancing with the devil
Not sure if I'm a good leader but I do tend to lead. I just just posted something about the mom friend override haha so weird bursts of courage is accurate. Perfectionist isn't far off. Alignment is fairly accurate.
@marsplastic13 I wanna see yours
politely asking you to take maybe the cutest quiz ever and tell me what veggie you are ✨ here’s me
very accurate if i do say so myself
Writers suffer from tinker bell brain they need constant applause or they start believing everything they’ve written is horseshit
In the past couple months, I keep noticing habits I have, and the newest one is that when I read a list of things, I almost always start at the bottom. I don't know why, but reading top to bottom feels stressful and overwhelming, but bottom up doesn't. And I don't know of anyone else who does this, I didn't pick it up from someone else. The sister habit of this is when I write multiple lists on the same page, I will write at least one from the bottom of the page going up. One starts at the top, another starts (usually on the other side, left or right) at the bottom. My reason for this is that this way the two or more lists have the most space, and the least likelihood of running into each other.
I mentioned my sister in the tags of this post. I said she got the best of both parents and that she can make anyone love her. Well she's done it again. She bought her first car this week and went to the bank to get a cashier's check. While she was there, she mentioned to the bank teller how she was so excited because she was buying her first car, and the lady goes "there's usually a $10 fee for blah blah blah, but I'm waiving that for you because it's your first car"
And like, this is a really minor example, but it happens like once a week. She's gotten job offers for positions she's not qualified for, strangers buy her lunch, she gets "I like you as a person" kind of discounts like every other week.
I don't know. She might be magic
I did not get my dad's ability to strike up a conversation with anyone, nor my mom's ability to make everyone like her, but a secret third thing. The ability to be extremely kind and confident but only when someone else seems equally or more anxious/uncomfortable than me
This hasn't happened yet, but I know at some point I'm gonna share some piece of information with someone and they'll ask me why I know that, and I'll have to find a way to not tell them it's because I did research for a fic
MARS WHO IS ALMOST DYING??
And yeah I know stuff about electrocution, and vitamin c deficiency (you know if it gets really bad, old injuries will unheal?? Like a month old cut will open up again), and selective mutism, and so on. It's not a great look, but idk maybe it adds to my mysterious past
This hasn't happened yet, but I know at some point I'm gonna share some piece of information with someone and they'll ask me why I know that, and I'll have to find a way to not tell them it's because I did research for a fic
teased it on my twitter, teasing it here. subtle hint for a ship ill be drawing and posting in the future
Grinning idiots unite. 😝
I’ve seen like 10 posts of Picrew chains today and while I only have 1 mutual on here I wanted to do it so
Make yourself with this Picrew and reblog
@moodlevoodle and also anyone else who wants to
Me, giving up everything and working my hardest to get into one of the best national institutes, FARTHEST from my residence.
The World: No no no, we can’t let you get away from your manipulative parents so easily. We are gonna declare specifically YOUR institute closed. Good luck with dealing with them for another semester.
The way I've watched and rewinded this scene so manY TIMES- is not even funny. The tone, the animation, their bond- like, Al owns Niffty's soul, but she clearly sees him as a friend, and I just love her so much. The way they look at each other while laughing maniacally is perfect.
I just love this little scene between Alastor and Niffty. Their crazy laughter is so fucking funny.
I need to start playing Ace Attorney
follow forthefuns for more funny stuff
Bruh I was drawing on ibis paint and I finished a line when it deleted itself. SMH I'm so offended >:(
IDK just some cringe I made
Because I clearly don't have a canyon filled with characters. Anyway, her name is Viola. I had an idea for a FNaF AU, and I'm still trying to make some concept art for it.
sorry im not active alot rn,
I will try and post more doodles but rn im just going through alot, im sry guys!
Do you have any immediate thoughts about core identity and autism?
I have a great, neurodivergent friendly therapist - bottom-up, somatic, all that shit that's supposed to be good for autistic clients. But I've been stalled for the last half dozen sessions over the feeling that I have no core 'self', that I am so much a mimic of people around me that my internal self has no core qualities beyond the immediate drive to survive and avoid demands and sensations.
It comes out as "I have no inherent value" (c'mon, no one does) and "I have no inherent moral drive, I just know what causes me pain probably causes others pain, and I am aware other people are different enough from me that I have to believe them when they say something causes them pain, and I must avoid pain for myself and others"
I've been trying to express to my therapist that core identity terms are maybe better couched in vocabulary for computer programs or robots, but it's difficult to adjust therapy speak into that even with a curious and agile therapist.
I have been thinking a lot about animals lately. Animals that are not humans have no "core self." They have no thoughts of self-worth. If you truly look into the eyes of, say, a squirrel or a turtle, you will immediately recognize a great, living void. They are a collection of survival instincts, learned responses, and reactions to the present environment that have some general pattern of constancy but which are ever-evolving.
They do not exist for any "reason," they just exist. No instinct that they have is false, even one that is mimicked or new. They have no morality, only reactions that propel them and follow a sense that is senseless to us creatures with minds that are forever narrating and judging. They just exist and that existence is inseparable from their present physical reality. The same is true of each of us, our minds only complicate it.
I think it is very compelling to be much like any other animal. When I am alone, or feeding my most primal hungers (when I am famished, say, or craving a drink or cigarette), I have no worries of whether I am being authentic or valuable to society or even if I am good. I simply experience feelings and cravings. Life is lived through experiences, as a consciousness that can take things in and do things that affect reality in turn. Life is not lived via our identity or even our beliefs. The universe is horrifically indifferent to what we aspire to be, or believe is right. Entire species exist only due to mating rituals that require murder or rape, and the thriving of one species often spells the doom of others or even itself. It is disgusting and meaningless, being an animal. But in that void there is such stillness and great beauty.
I have been able to access this dark-eyed feral side of myself more lately. I have been spending more time alone, no longer even trying to mask to myself as the kind of social, giving being I had convinced myself I had to be, if my life narrative were to be that I got well. I don't care about being well. Or even being good. Those terms are playmobil level human made up stupid. When I touch that void, and dwell in it, I can see that none of it matters and none of those human judgments are real, and that the fiction of my core self does not really exist at all. And I find it very peaceful.
Lately hard core bondage really helps me get there, mentally, as do long swims and long walks late at night. Conversations with the rare few who are not afraid of almost any thought also help me get there. Most of all I just need time and fucking silence. There are pictures of me lately where I can see an animal. Not someone posing or trying to manage an impression. In those few photos I can feel some unnamable emotion that is real. It is that animal void that exists in all things, that is the breathing of life into flesh.
Therapy, I have got to say, is the stuff of small minds. I don't mean you, I mean your therapist. Therapy can only process in individual personality units, which are a fiction, and it believes that problems exist to be solved through an optimization of the self. You need to be confident. Need to know who you are.
I have often written like that, forgive me for it. But problems do not exist to be solved, they just exist, and some things do not get better, and there really isn't a better or a worse anyway, there is just a vast ecosystem responding to things. A great void of life always teeming, always changing. Great loss and growth and change, violence and birth.
And so I am not surprised to hear your therapist does not get it. The detached view you take of morality likely frightens them. But that might mean you are on a far more compelling path than what they would desire for you, which is probably self-esteem boosting exercises and tidy scripts for setting boundaries with your parents. That stuff is fine. But expecting too much from it is like asking a can opener to explain the universe.
Thanks for writing.