Obi Wan Post 66 - Tumblr Posts

Febuwhump Day 27: Survivor's Guilt

Fandom: Star Wars

Timeline: Post order 66 (Obi-wan of the character for the story)

  Obi-wan never thought he would walk through the temple halls again. It has been about three years since the Jedi purge. Going to the temple hadn't been an easy decision but one he needed to make. Bail Organa had reached out to the Jedi and asked him to go. As unfair asking was eventually Obi-wan agreed.

    The senator was looking for evidence of the chancellors wrongdoing and figured looking at the ruins of the temple would be worth checking out. However Bail would not be able to find his way around the temple. He needed a Jedi and thought of Kenobi.

    The Jedi temple had been beautiful. Obi-wan grew up within these walls. Now the halls we're empty. The place had started to look rundown.

    Memories of the people Kenobi met inside of the temple flooded his mind as he walked. There were his padawan friends Prie, Bolla, and Siri. Then his friends from the council. Fondly he thought of people such as Kit Fisto and Quinlan Vos.

    It almost felt as if he could see the memories of running down the hall with other padawans and of talking to his friends as he got older. The padawans avoided hitting anyone in the hall the same way he had with his friends.

    With these memories came an immense amount of guilt. Why had he survived when they all died? Bolla died in the war to Cade Bane and the other two childhood friends had been killed in the order. For his older friends most had been killed in the order. Why was he still standing when so many couldn't? What did he do to deserve living when the others didn't?

    Everyone Obi-wan had ever cared for was dead so why wasn't he? He survived both of Maul's attacks while Qui-gon and Satine didn't. He survived the order while everyone else succumbed to the sudden betrayal of the clones. Young children and older Jedi all feel the same so why hadn't he?

    From there Obi-wan thought of his time in the war. So many of his men had died so why had he survived? None of them deserved the cruel fates they had been given. The former general could have helped them more, could have saved them.

    Guilt slammed down onto the jedi. His knees gave in and he collapsed in the empty hall. Tears streamed down his face as he wondered why he survived. Out of everyone to survive why him? The man sat there on his knees sobbing until tears couldn't form anymore. Once his breathing was back under control he stood once more.

    The mission would be for nothing. No information could be found in the temple. He would return back to Tatooine and inform Bail of his failure to find anything. Bail apologized for sending him and the conversation ended.

    Laying in bed that night Obi-wan's head spiraled with thoughts. Not too long after laying down he would sit back up and shake his head. Shaking his head sometimes helped to get rid of any harmful or unwanted thoughts. 'There must be a reason I'm still alive. There must be.' he thought. Laying back down the Jedi curled into a ball. There has to be a reason he survived and they didn't, right?

Day 4: Les Misérables (Survivors Guilt)

Fandom: Star Wars (Post Order 66)

Summary: Obi-wan Kenobi deals with his guilt.

    It had been years since the end of the Clone War. Obi-wan still thought about it often. He wondered how he survived or why he kept persevering.

    When he was 25 he survived a battle with a sith. As a padawan he should have been the one laying in the ground. But instead Qui-gon, his only father figure, died.

    During the war he watched his friends slowly die off until he was the only survivor of his friend group from his earlier years. It didn't seem fair. He still stood even as his men fell beside him.

    Maul killed innocent people to get his attention. He killed Satine just to get to him. Her death had been his fault yet he walked away.

    The Jedi purge had killed most every Jedi. The clones, their most trusted ally had killed their Jedi generals and commanders. The younglings in the temple had been slaughtered like cattle. They were defenseless.

    Most of the council had fallen yet he was alive. Instead of fighting, Obi-wan walked away. He hid Luke from his father; a monster he had taken part in creating. Even if by accident, there had to be something he could have done for Anakin.

    Everyone around the man died. Their ghost haunted every corner of his cave. They whispered in his ears, asking him why he survived.

    Maybe he needed to go outside. So the man walked out of the cave. He let the hot sun touch his skin. Every part of his old life tormented him. The memories plagued his life. They destroyed him in the same way he domed the people around him.

    The sun only made him hotter. He had hoped that maybe it would melt some of the guilt that had frozen him, but it didn't. Luke was around five now.

    The man had fallen into a routine. Yet nothing he tried made him feel any better. Obi-wan didn't want to spend the rest of his life miserable, he didn't want to be consumed by the tormenting memories and guilt that he had been swallowed whole by.

    Maybe a walk could help?

    Walking around, Obi-wan couldn't escape his own mind. Padme should be raising her children. But Obi-wan had let Anakin kill her. He couldn't save her, maybe no one could.

    Dealing with others survivor guilt had been easy. Obi-wan knew how to comfort Cody when his brothers died, he could help with the feeling that he should have done more or that he should have been there or that it should have been him. The jedi could explain that nothing could have been done and that his brothers wouldn't want him to feel so guilty over something he couldn't control.

    The same has gone for Anakin and the rest of his men. Obi-wan had talked to Kit Fisto when he started to feel that way and he had helped to calm Depa Billaba with the death of her first battalion. He had helped to guide Anakin in helping Rex with the guilt of Umbara.

    It wasn't so easy to get rid of the guilt yourself. Nothing helped. Obi-wan started to run. Like running would do anything. You can't outrun yourself, it's impossible. Getting away from the cave, from where his lightsaber rested, seemed like a good idea. Maybe he just needed to get away from that faster?

    It was hard to run in the sand. Stopping, Obi-wan sat in the scorching hot sand. What was doing? This was where his life was supposed to go. He was supposed to be living happily with the people he'd lost.

    There was nothing left to do. So he walked home. Tears fell from his eyes as he walked. The guilt worsened with every step.

    Being the survivor was hard. It might have been one of the hardest things Obi-wan had ever done. But there was no way to change that. The fact was he wasn't god, he wasn't even close. All the people who died were going to die and there was nothing he could do about it. Obi-wan Kenobi was just a man. No man on his own can prevent death. No matter how hard they try they can only put it off.

    The entrance of the cave Obi-wan sighed. Facing himself, he walked in and sat down on his bed. Laying down, he let every feeling drag him down until he was lying there sobbing. Sometimes you have to let yourself feel it.

    Hours went by and he finally calmed down. The feelings would live with him forever. The memories would haunt him forever. There was nothing he could change and now he had to live with it. Why he survived, Obi-wan still didn't know, but there had to be a reason. There had to be. The Jedi just wished he knew what it was.

Codywan Week Day 4: Kidfic

Summary: After finding a child in the aftermath of order 66, Obi-wan takes her to tatooine with him. Then Cody finds them and they become a family.

The Temple had been so quiet. The gentle cries of a young child had startled Obi-wan. The child was the first and only survivor they found that day. She was a human girl. Her name was Marla and she was four.

With no other choice, Obi-wan took Luke and her to Tatooine with him. Luke couldn't stay with him. It was already a risky move taking two force sensitive children together.

It had been a few years since then. Obi-wan had reunited with his old partner Cody. After the order and inhibitor chip were explained to him, the Jedi started to allow the clone back in his life.

It started off small. The two would spend some time together when Obi-wan or Cody weren't working. Then Cody started to watch Marla when he could.

Soon the two were just in love as they had been. Maybe they never fell out of love. Marla started to realize Cody wasn't just her dad's good friend but his boyfriend. They seemed like they should be married or engaged the way they talked.

"Are you going to marry my dad?" She asked Cody one afternoon.

"I would like to." He confessed with a chuckle.

"You should. I like having you around." Marla was eight years old. She smiled as she walked around the kitchen of the tiny house Obi-wan had found for them.

"Okay." Smiling, Cody told her it was time for bed. Looking at him, Marla tried to escape her bedtime.

That morning Obi-wan came home from his job at the bar. He found his asleep daughter hugging his boyfriend. He smiled as he hunted a blanket for the two of them. It felt so right. After making sure they were comfortable, the man went to his own bed.

When he woke up, he found a glass of water by the bed with a note. 'Marla and I went to the market. We'll be back soon.' -love Cody.

Soon Marla would be calling Cody "Buir." The word meant father in Mando'a. The girl never truly knew how much that meant to Cody.

"Marla" Obi-wan called for her.

"Yeah?" The girl was nine now.

"Your Buir has a surprise for you."

"Oh! What is it!" She squealed excitedly.

"Go find him and figure it out. I believe he is out by the cave." Obi-wan wasn't nervous to send her on her own. The cave wasn't far and he knew Cody would not let anything happen to her. That girl was their life. How she became their daughter was unfortunate. Despite that they loved her with all of their hearts.

When she returned, she had a new stuffed animal and a big smile on her face. She ran to her room to add it to her collection.

"Thank you for getting her those."

"Of course." Holding hands, the two men looked at the lives they built for themselves. They looked at their daughter as she ran back into the room, telling them all about how she had to introduce each of her stuffed animals to the new one. She had already named the bear Neo and so far everyone liked him.

After telling them about the meeting, she grabbed some apple slices off of the counter. Then she ran back to her room to make sure everyone was still getting along.

As she turned the corner, Cody turned to face Obi-wan. "Look at our daughter."

"I know." They smiled at how kind she was, even to stuffed animals. "I love you."

Cody kissed his husband. "I love you too."