Ouch Lol - Tumblr Posts
Three (Not So) Little Words
includes: erwin, y/n
warnings: the phat L-word, mentions of death
length: 1,190 words
summary: Sometimes those three little words aren't so little.
A/N: I don't know how this idea got in my head. Literally, all a stranger did was hold a door open for me and say, "After you" with a smile. Anyways- tagging @sunshinedragonofthewest If you'd also like to be tagged, just let me know.
In your Cadet years, his affection was the least subtle.
When you could never properly adjust the leather belts of your uniform, he'd always give you a look before chuckling under his breath.
"Come here, let me fix it for you," he'd say. Erwin would always, always, wait for you to nod until he touched the leather straps. Stubbornly, you would always avoid looking at him while he helped you.
During a class, when you'd forgotten your mathematics book, he didn't hesitate to set his on your desk. You, wanting to thrive independently, placed it back on his almost instantly. Erwin playfully glared at you before giving it back. He caught your wrist gently when you tried to place it on his desk again.
"Just borrow mine. We both know you need it more than I do," he'd whispered in a teasing tone. The book remained in your hands after that.
After a couple of years and a countless amount of 'this reminded me of you's from Erwin, you both were off on your first expedition out of the walls.
The fond gestures stopped when he came back with blood splattered on his skin and clothes. It didn't belong to him, and it didn't belong to a titan.
Erwin was promoted to Squad Leader soon after, his passion and dedication to the cause allowing him to soar through the ranks. Soar higher and higher- and right into your heart.
The next time he gave you a taste of his old adoration was in the middle of a chilling winter. Your sleeping quarters hardly had any insulation, and the low-budget blankets on stiff mattresses could only do so much. Most people slept in the same bed for warmth. You refused to do such a thing with any of those soldiers.
The floorboards creaked from the cold and from your weight as you made your way to Erwin's quarters. You were going to file a complaint- there was no way he expected anyone to sleep in those conditions.
An upset knock later, he opened the door, and you completely forgot why you'd gone there in the first place when you saw him.
Erwin had circles darker than the night sky under his eyes as he blinked at you, seeming to just be waking up. Before you could apologize, he spoke gently.
"It's cold, isn't it?"
Dumbly, you nodded, and he gave a worn smile. He let you inside, let you get comfortable in his bed. As it turns out, the Squad Leader's blanket is made from the same material as yours.
Erwin didn't join you. Instead, he tried to get comfortable in the small chair that sat behind his desk.
"You aren't actually sleeping there... Right?"
"Don't worry about me." The hum he gave you warm your bones faster than anything in the world could, but his words upset you.
"But I am worried about you."
Erwin blinked as you sat up in his bed, and watched as you shuffled to the edge.
You gave him all the room he would ever need, and he still shifted close. Erwin quietly asked if he could hold you. You didn't answer at first. Yet the moment you felt him try to move far away, your arms grabbed onto his bicep.
"Yeah... 'Course you can," you'd whispered, the words burning your tongue as they left. Erwin's pools of blue nearly drowned you before he closed his eyes.
"Thank you."
The first time Erwin actually said the L-word, it scared you.
Now the Commander, Erwin Smith's heart was hardened after years and years of horrifying battles. Or so it seemed.
He'd nearly lost you outside of the walls, lost you to the titans. You risked your life to save someone- Erwin couldn't see who- from the 15 meter that charged from the side. Erwin yelled orders, you cried out, and they didn't make it.
You were beyond angry. Outraged at what he had ordered you to do on the battlefield. How were you supposed to leave them? You could've saved them! You should've saved them.
Now you were standing in his office after refusing to sit down. He didn't like your arms being crossed over your chest, but he hated the look on your face more. Erwin didn't want you to be angry at him, but he didn't have a choice.
"Listen-" he started, but you'd cut him off.
"Like how I did when you allowed my comrade to die?" you'd snapped. Erwin clenched his jaw.
"Our comrade," he corrected, placing his hands on his desk.
"I could've helped them," you growled.
"You put yourself in danger-"
"We all do! All of the Scouts know what they signed up for so why didn't you let me do that?" You were raising your voice at him, too angry to notice that he didn't reprimand you for it.
"Because I-"
"What? Because you thought they were nothing more than a pawn in your games? Because-" Erwin slammed his hands on his desk, the loud bang! shutting you up.
"Because I love you!" He yelled, his eyes set aflame. "I can lose one of my soldiers, I can lose myself, but I can't lose you!"
The silence that followed was deafening.
The anger you felt before was nothing compared to the emotions that overwhelmed you now.
Erwin sunk into his seat, holding his head in his hands. "I know... I know you signed up for the Scouts, and not for my possessiveness. And I know that it isn't fair to hold you back. It isn't fair to feel this way but I... I j-just-"
Your hand softly stroking his made the man crumble into a state of vulnerability.
After that day, Erwin said the L-word to you as often as he could.
He said it in a gravelly voice early in the morning. His hand brushed the hair from your face before giving you a gentle kiss.
He said it as an apology quite often when he worked too late. He would feel like melting every time you accepted it with open arms.
He said it as a greeting when you stepped into his office. The blush that spread like wildfire over your face made him chuckle.
He said it as a thank you when you gave him a massage after a long day. You then found out that he has ticklish collarbones.
He said it over your shoulder when you'd looked in the mirror for a little too long. His lips caressed your cheek while he spent the next hour listing everything he cherished about you.
Now, he said it in a letter. A letter so elegantly written with obsidian ink etched onto crisp white paper. He said it in the most Erwin way possible. He said it after forbidding you to go on the same expedition as him.
After the letter, he could never say it again. After the expedition, he could never be again.
For the first time, you said those three words. You screamed it and you cried and you begged, hoping that he could hear you. Hear you, and say I love you back.