PDA ADHD - Tumblr Posts

When someone says they can't do something,

When I say I'm struggling to complete a task

Please don't say

Just try (I am)

Do it for me (oo yay more pressure and guilt and hurting our relationship)

This is really important (I know that's why I'm dieing)

Take baby steps (WHAT do you want from me?)

It needs to get done (yeah, you think I haven't noticed?)

Why haven't you done this? (Any confrontation to defend and explain my lack of actions is 👎)

Do say

Hey lovingly what's getting in the way for you doing this? (Is not on trial for my mental struggles. Someone who cares and wants to actually help me)

Would it help if I came over and helped you with the task? (Socialization makes tasks easier. Let me decide what I want your help to look like)

I know this task is hard for you so what if after we go do something fun/reward/treat (offer choice. Offer some sort of help with the actual task, reward without ability to do gain it means nothing to me)

What do you need to make this easier? (More likely to get an honest answer about what I need vs what I feel is the least inconvenient way for you to try and help me)

Not my Pathological Demand Avoidance being picky and vengeful of every well meaning yet somehow personally offensive and unhelpful attempt of others to be supportive and helpful.

Trying to treat the ADHD without treating the PDA has been a fruitless attempt my whole life so far.

I love that people want to be supportive but also evokes my rage which I hide well.

I'm sorry if it sounds picky. That's why I posted it on the internet.

PDA means the pressure and demands of everyday life are too much for me and having control or choice makes me more free of the crippling anxiety tasks and demands like showering, eating, AND going to classes invoke.

ADHD makes completing the task, starting the task, and focusing/doing the task hard. PDA makes starting tasks 150% harder with a crippling barrier of anxiety between me and the task.

it’s pretty simple

when someone can’t speak, 

you don’t say:

just try

do it for me

just speak to *me*

i won’t tell anyone

just this once

if you really care, you’ll speak

do you hate me then?

you say:

that’s okay, you don’t have to. 

roses for the people who have made me feel safe in mute-situations. 🌹🌹