Reductress - Tumblr Posts

My Work Doesn’t Define Me, but Only Because I’m Not Succeeding at It Right Now

Why I Refuse to Listen to Scientists Until They Let Me Wear One of Their Little White Jackets

Help! I Forgot to Call My Dog ‘The Sweetest Little Boy’ and Now He’s in a Biker Gang

How to Make Your Depressed Friend Feel Better Even Though They’re Right

Uh Oh! Funny Story Requires Traumatic Family Background

This Amazing Home Gym Comes Complete With a Creepy Man Leering at You

Help! I Did Too Many Sheet Masks and Now I’m A Papier-Mâché Puppet

How to Casually Hold a Shovel Without Looking Like a Murderer

Wow! This Life Coach Empowered Six Clients to Death

Cute! This Mother and Daughter Have Matching Mental Illnesses

4 Funny Halloween Costumes That Will Have You Wishing People Knew You’re Hot

REPORT: Your Friends Aren’t Mad at You, They’re Just Worried About You, Which Is Somehow Worse

‘I Want to Set You Up!’ Exclaims Friend Scheming to Frame You for Years-Old Murder

4 Foolproof Second Date Ideas For When Getting Murdered Is Still A Pretty High Possibility

4 Space Crimes Illegal Immigrants Will Commit If We Let Them Go There

I LIVED IT: I Apologized but Wasn’t Immediately Forgiven

Child of Tolerant Parents Already Feeling Pressure to Be Her Authentic Self

Why I Quit Botox and Started Obscuring My Face Like the Neighbor From ‘Home Improvement’

How to Have Your Dream Wedding Vicariously Through a Friend

How to Be in Your Villain Era Without Offending Anyone

Uh Oh! Friend Clearly Not the Victim in Drama Being Described

Woman Is Attracted To The Most Problematic Character in Film Again

Exciting New Makeup Trends To Hide The Evil That Lurks Within

‘Thank You, Science!’ Says Woman Who Just Got Railed By a Scientist

Goals! This Woman Replaced the Anxiety of Not Having Boundaries With the Guilt of Having Boundaries

Mom Knows Every Member of the Royal Family But Still Calls Youngest Child By Dog’s Name

‘I Deserve a Little Treat,’ Says Woman Who Has Never Denied Herself Anything

Self-Proclaimed ‘Old Soul’ Pretty Awkward Around Her Grandma

‘Heyyyyyy!’ Texts Woman in Preamble to Request for Kidney

5 Things I’d Like my Future Daughter to Know About Being Held Captive in a Basement Against her Will

Surprise! Goth Friend Grew Up in Wealthy, Loving Two-Parent Household

Incredible! Everything This Woman Has Accomplished Was to Spite That One Bitch From 9th Grade

I Found My 8th Grade Diary And I Was A Huge Bitch

DUDE CORNER: Please Ask Me if I Think a Hot Dog is a Sandwich, I Have a Whole Thing Ready

Mother Accidentally Gives Good Advice While Being Sarcastic

Nice! Woman Has Parasocial Relationship With Own Father

Let’s See How They Like It! This Woman Listens in on the CIA

REPORT: The Hospital Makes You Take the Baby Home and Then You Have to Take Care of It

Aw! This Woman Wants Her Friends’ Lives to be Perfect So She Can Complain the Most

QUIZ: Do You Hate Christmas in an Anti-Capitalist Way or in a Scrooge Way?

I'm back with more Reductress juice

Stray Kids as:

Reductress Headlines

Bang Chan:

Lee Know:

Changbin:

Hyunjin:

Han:

Felix:

Seungmin:

I.N.:

NCT @ Jungwoo during the NCT Show One-Two Punch episode:

This satire article resonated with me so much

The Musketeers + Reductress Headlines

The Musketeers + Reductress Headlines part 2